All language subtitles for yes_dear_s06e09_marital_aid

Howie and Joanne are going to be here
any minute. I could use your help. Okay,

okay.

Let me pour the wine and get ready.

Woo!

Ready.

You know, did it ever occur to you you
might actually like them? With your

record, Kim, let me remind you of some
of the couples you've introduced to me

over the years.

There's the couple who keyed the young
girl's car.

The older couple who wanted to swing
with us.

Oh, and Jimmy and Christine.

All right, so I'm due for a good one.
Well, how do you know these people

Well, Joanne's a mom from school, and
she seems really sweet.

I've never met her husband.

Well, we need to come up with a signal.

What? A signal in case they stay too
late. You can hurry them along. Oh, that

ridiculous. It's a school night. They're
not going to stay late. Kim, I'm not

taking any chances. If I do this... Wrap
it up.

Listen, could you please just try to be
pleasant?

Remember the signal, Kim.

Hi!

Kim, this is Howie. Nice to meet you.

Hi. Look how little and cute you are. I
can just put you in my pocket.

Yeah, I've been looking forward to this
too. Too bad it's a school night.

Sorry we're late, but Joanne wrote the
directions down wrong, but don't blame

her. She's got a learning disability.

I do not.

We've been married for 15 years. This
will be some sort of explanation.

Well, I have to say, our Sammy loves
your little Rebecca. You have to meet

She is exactly like her mother.

Yeah. We're hoping she grows out of it.

Would you guys like a drink?

Yeah, I'll have vodka and soda, and my
mother here will have a small glass of

white wine.

Oh, Howie, he says that all the time. He
drives me crazy.

For her, not such a long drive.

I'm going to go get the vodka.

Yeah, bring me one, too.

I don't want to get in love with you.

our trip to Antigua. No, you're
remembering it all wrong. It was our

Jamaica.

All I know is they baked it in these
little clay pots.

What are you talking about?

She can't tell a story to save her life.

If I die first, and Lord, please, let me
die first, I will have to write my own

eulogy for her to say.

I'm looking forward to that.

Hey, that's not nice.

Joanne, you wouldn't believe how easy
the recipe is. I'll write it down for

Don't bother. It's like trying to teach
a dog how to play piano.

You know, I saw a dog play piano in
Letterman once.

Well, then it's not like that.

I want your pie.

I've got to get up pretty early in the
morning and get to work, so why don't we

just call this a night?

What, are you throwing us out?

Well, we should get going. I've got an
early day tomorrow, too.

Yeah, she's got to take the kids to
school, drive back home, and from the

of our house, go back to bed.

Thanks for having us. Bye -bye.

Oh,

my God.

What is that for?

for being the most wonderful husband in
the world.

Well, you were annoyed with me earlier
when I was refusing to help. Yeah, well,

that was before I heard Howie say he was
looking forward to his midlife crisis

so he could start dating again.

That was uncomfortable.

Yeah, I guess we should start cleaning
up. Oh, no, no, no, no. You sit down and

relax. Let me do it.

Okay. I can't believe such a sweet, nice
woman would be married to a horrible

man like that. More coffee?

Don't mind if I do.

I am so lucky to have a husband like
you.

Poor Joanne. I feel so terrible for her.

I do too.

It's just terrible, terrible.

You mean with Howie and his wife?

No.

I mean after they left and we went up to
bed.

Yeah, those were some amazing positions.
Thank you.

Or as you must have already learned in
yoga class, namaste.

So what do you want for breakfast? I'll
make you anything you want. I don't

know. I'm just going to grab some
cereal. I don't want to be late for

thought you'd be a little late for work.
I don't want to spoil you.

I'm going to go to the market and get
everything I need to make your favorite

breakfast. Eggs and corned beef hash?

With fresh biscuits.

Wow, thanks. I couldn't ask for anything
more than that.

Greg, for you, I would bend over
backward.

Again.

Hey.

Hey, Jimmy, how the heck are you?
Beautiful morning, huh?

Stop it, man. You're creeping me out.
What are you in such a good mood about?

The little institution I like to call
marriage. Oh, God.

That's the last thing I need to hear.

Why? What is your problem? Ah,
Christine's mad at me because I left the

laundry in the dryer last night.

Mind if I hang out here a while?

She's got her panties in a bunch.

Literally.

And if I could fix this for you, what
would you say?

You kidding me? I owe you big time. All
right.

I'll set you up here. I got a number for
you. Do me a favor, use it. And all

your problems with Christine will be
settled once and for all.

Greg, I don't want her whacked. I just
want her to be nice to me.

Oh, no, it's a number of a couple that
Christine knows from school.

I'm not going to call a couple of
complete strangers.

Okay, well, their name's right there.
When you pick the kids up from school

afternoon, you figure out who they are.

Strike up a conversation with them.

And how is any of this going to help me?
Oh, go out with them once, and you'll

see. Give Christine a chance to see what
a bad husband's really like.

Oh, Greg, you're sounding a little
crazy.

Yep.

That's the way women work, Jimmy.

They're always comparing their husbands
to every other husband out there, just

like we compare our wives to all the
other wives.

Yeah, Christine is always saying to me,
why can't you be more like Judy's

husband?

He showers on the weekends and goes to
church every Sunday.

I'd like to strangle that bastard.

Well, I've been coasting by for years
because Kim's always comparing me to you

and realizing how good she has it.

You're welcome.

And I would like to thank you for being
equally repulsive to my wife.

My pleasure. I mean, you think we had it
good before.

This guy, Jimmy, this guy is like a gift
from the gods.

Let's just say after one night of dinner
with those guys, me and Kim had an

incredible night.

So for you guys, what does that mean?
You played Scrabble?

No, but I had a four -letter word.

Up, down, and diagonal.

And I never used my blink.

I'm confused.

You guys have sex or play Scrabble?

It was so nice of you to invite us out
for dinner.

I'm glad I bumped into Jimmy at the
school bake sale.

I'm glad, too.

You didn't bake anything that someone's
going to eat, did you?

Because I don't have enough liability
insurance.

Jimmy brought home one of her banana
breads. It looked delicious.

Before you eat it, would you be willing
to sign a waiver?

Man, I love this navigational system.

The directions are always perfect.

It's so nice to hear a woman's voice in
this car be right for a change.

I'm surprised a woman's voice can get a
word in edgewise around here.

Wow. Listen to the mouth on that one.

for me last night. Yeah, well, do an
incredible thing for me and get away

me.

We went out with Howie and Joanne last
night. Yeah, I can tell you're walking

funny unless you went horseback riding.

I didn't go horseback riding, but the
term stallion was bandied about.

I know, I told you. It's the same thing
with me and Kim. I mean, we went out

with them a couple days ago and I'm
beginning to wonder if I'm ever going to

a night off.

Yeah, and I was so grateful to you last
night in the middle of things I almost

called out your name.

made me breakfast and lunch today.

And since I slept until noon, I had both
at the same time.

Good for you. Over here, the magic's
starting to wear off a little.

You're kidding me.

No, it's been a week now. I mean, watch
this.

Kim?

Honey? Could you bring me a soda?

Are your legs broken?

I want my step -front wife back.

You've got to get Kim together with
those people again. And Christine and I

go with you. There's no sense in me
waiting until it wears off. It'll be

booster shot.

Kim is never going to go out with that
guy again, and neither is Christine.

Come on, man. There's got to be a way.

I can't let this end.

Last night, Christine rubbed my feet.

Oh, man. I felt so good in the middle of
things, I almost called out your name.

Stop doing that!

I just got us a reservation at this hot
new place. Have you guys heard of Club

La Brea?

Oh, yeah. I've seen it on Entertainment
Tonight.

Yeah, that's the new celebrity hot spot,
right?

That's where Paris and Lindsay go to not
eat.

Well, we're in, ladies, this Friday
night. You guys up for it? Absolutely.

Sounds great.

Hey, but the reservations are for six
people, so we need to invite another

couple. Ooh, who should we invite?

Um, you could always invite Howie and
his wife.

Are you kidding?

What, so he can tell me he wants to put
me in his pocket again?

He's such an ass.

I know. We've taken over countries where
they treat their wives better.

I know what you mean. I feel terrible
for her. I think that's exactly why we

should invite them.

What? Well, you know, we've been
talking, and we really think we can't

backs on her.

Yeah, sure, we can be selfish and never
see them again, but how is her life

going to get any better? What can we do
to help?

Well, we could spend some time with him.
I mean, how is Howie ever going to

learn to behave better if he doesn't
have good examples? You know, couples

us. With healthy relationships.

Built on honesty and trust.

That's very sweet of you.

I'm just thinking about that poor woman.

I don't want to spend any more time with
them. Can't you and Jimmy just have a

talk with Howie?

No, no. That would just be humiliating
for both of them.

No, the best thing to do here is to lead
by example.

Think of it as a good deed.

Can't we just give blood instead?

All of our blood?

Her banana bread did stink, by the way.

All right, so you're right. All right,
so she doesn't deserve one last chance

happiness.

Okay, fine.

I'll set it up. Well, I'm glad to hear
you all say that, because one day we're

going to look back on this moment and
remember it as the day things changed

Howie and Joan.

You mean Joanne.

Whatever.

Wow, this place is great.

I can't believe Greg got us in here. I
know.

How did you get us in here? I made a
reservation under F -Daddy.

Who's F -Daddy?

I don't know, but they didn't want to
admit that they didn't know, so here we

are.

Reservation for F -Daddy, please.

F -Daddy.

Oh, there I am. Perry Farrell. I think
they just forgot to put down the daddy

part. I'm going by Perry F -Daddy these
days.

You're Perry Farrell from Jane's
Addiction? Well, probably don't look the

because I'm no longer addicted.

Just trying to keep it real.

This way.

It's too bad we have to waste this place
on Howie and Joanne. I know. It's going

to be hard to enjoy ourselves having to
listen to him put her down all night

long. Could you two be a little more
positive? Remember, we're here to show

Howie how husbands who love their wives
behave.

That's right. Tonight could be a real
turning point in their lives.

Come on already.

Sorry we're late.

I guess the older she gets, the more
time it takes to look present.

Sit down.

To

Howie and

Joanne. Amen.

Who's ready for a picnic?

We are.

Greg, I brought your favorite, pastrami
on rye from Langer's.

You know your man.

See how well you know me.

Well, I wasn't sure which you'd like
best, the brisket, the egg salad, or the

roast turkey.

So, I brought you all three.

You do know me.

Hey. Hey, Christine, I didn't know you
were stopping by. Oh, well, I was able

sneak out during lunch, and I wanted to
do something special for you. Oh, can it

beat egg salad, brisket, and roast
turkey?

How about a quickie in the supply
closet?

Kim, does this brisket have gravy?

I was thinking maybe you could come over
later and watch the ball game. Sure.

I'll get Christine and run out and get
us some beer. You think you can get Kim

to make us some sandwiches?

How many? What kind?

Hey, is that Howie's car?

Yeah, it is. Did you invite them over?

No.

Did you? No.

You're just about to have a little talk.

Um, look, this is a little awkward, but
it has to be said.

The way that Howie treats you is
completely unacceptable.

If I may, I think what Tim is trying to
say is the man's a pig.

Uh, you know, I really, I don't think
it's our place.

No, it's okay.

I know Howie treats me badly.

But, I mean, what am I going to do about
it? I'm not going anywhere. We have

three kids.

That's true. This is true.

Come on. Well, thanks for coming over.
No, no, no.

You can't just sit there and take it
anymore. You have to do something.

Look, Kim, Christine, I really, really
appreciate what you're trying to do.

But Howie will never change his
behavior. He's a guy. That's just how

Believe me, I know guys, all right? And
they're not all like that.

I mean, some of them have big hearts.

Like these two.

The truth is, when Christine and I saw
the way that Howie treated you, we were

so upset by it, we were just going to
avoid you.

Yeah, but Jimmy and Greg were the ones
that convinced us that that was wrong.

I mean, they were the ones that were so
worried about you, right?

I mean, they practically begged us to
get involved in your life and help you.

I am so touched to think that my well
-being Is that important to you?

Tell her, Timmy. Tell her how you feel.

You shouldn't take his crap anymore.

That's how Greg feels too, Greg.

What he said.

You're right.

I'm going to go home and talk to Howie
right now.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Well, we only did it because we care,
Joan.

Joanne. Whatever.

Well, I'm so glad we could all get
together again.

You know, it's only been a couple of
weeks, but it might as well be a hundred

years. I've been going to AA meetings
and couples therapy.

It's really changed my life.

Oh,

excuse me. Right over here.

I'll take a dozen. There you are, my
friend. Keep the change.

For you, m 'lady.

Aww.

Yeah, come on here.

I'm so sorry you guys had to see me
behave so poorly, but I hope in the

we're still around together to see my
good behavior.

Well, that is really great to hear.

But just so you know, if you slip up,
your ass is mine.

She's fun.

You are fun.

Hey, we should pick a date night, you
know, like you guys wanted, so we can

see each other every week.

What about Monday night?

Oh, wait, I forgot Monday night
football.

No, no, no, no, no. It's all about you,
my darling.

Monday's wonderful.

It's amazing. He is so attentive to her.
It's so romantic.

Like a different person.

Can you imagine having a husband like
that?

So you want to dance?