All language subtitles for Phil Silvers Show s03e20 Cyrano De Bilko
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1
00:00:01,870 --> 00:00:03,270
Yeah!
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00:00:08,230 --> 00:00:09,230
Yeah!
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It's a dance. Your fans are waiting for
that toe -tapping music. Give it the old
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beat. One, two... Look, Bilko, we don't
play unless we get paid in advance.
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What? I completely forgot. Rocco, give
me a blank check. Ah, never mind the
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00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:53,620
phony checks, Bilko. That's the way you
paid us the last three times.
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We pay cash.
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Cash? If I wanted to pay cash, I'd have
gotten Lawrence Welk.
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Don't forget the music. Don't be hasty.
Wait.
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00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:04,040
This is the last time you'll play for
the army.
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00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,480
Petrillo is a personal friend of mine,
and I'll...
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have an important announcement to make.
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Unfortunately, the orchestra will be
unable to play tonight.
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I did this for your protection.
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I found out that the trumpet player has
a severe cold and I didn't want him
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blowing his germs into the ballroom.
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Folks,
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I have a grand surprise for you. Dance
and enjoy yourselves with the music of
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Clive Zillman and his Caucasian.
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Take half of his night buffet. I got 200
boxes of K -Rations. Good. Now here's
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what I'll do, Sarge. Please, Harold,
there'll be no refunds. Look at the
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printing and back your ticket. No
refunds. I've got to speak to you,
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Look, I'm trying to run a dance. When
you bought that ticket, it was like a
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contest. But I don't want my money back,
Sarge.
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You don't? What do you want?
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There's a beautiful girl here that I'd
like to dance with.
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Well, ask her to dance.
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But I don't know her. A difference would
make that what this dance is for. I'd
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get a crate to go over there and that.
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Very simple, Harold. Just go over there
and say, I beg your pardon, miss. May I
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have the pleasure of this dance?
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I beg your pardon, Miss. Not me. Ask
her.
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I beg your pardon, Miss. May I have the
pleasure of this dance?
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I beg your pardon, Miss. May I have the
pleasure of this dance?
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Come on. We're operating moment.
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Oh,
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get those balloons. Hang them on our
order. Right over there. Get them on. I
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didn't get to dance with them.
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Well, there's a million girls here. Ask
somebody else. But I don't want to dance
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with anyone. But what about the drawing
for the door prize?
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The color television set.
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Oh, yes.
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There'll be the drawing for the color
television set.
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We don't have a color television set.
Who needs it? All right.
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We're going to have the drawing for the
color television set by some
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disinterested, impartial observer. Oh, I
know you. You could... You, sir, would
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you draw?
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00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,660
Blended. All right, let me see.
49
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,080
The winning number...
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It's 4 -3 -7 -1.
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Well, he's not here. We'll draw again
next week.
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00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,020
I got it. I got it. Oh, Dad?
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00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,020
Just a minute. Oh, I believe this is a
laundry slip. You sold it to me.
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Let's see if it matches. 4 -3 -7 -1 by
George. This is the winner.
55
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:22,760
That's not great.
56
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Where's my television set?
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Well, let me tell you about that.
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Unfortunately... Thanks, folks.
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Thanks.
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00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:32,780
Unfortunately, the delivery man dropped
it. What?
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Oh, don't worry about it. We're going to
do the fair thing. Now, how much did
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you pay for this ticket? A dollar and a
quarter. A dollar and a quarter.
63
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:42,560
Well, there's no reason to cost that. We
had an accident that you should suffer.
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00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,060
Now, here's a dollar and a quarter back.
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Oh, wait a minute.
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Dan, Dan.
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What is it? Sorry. Will you leave me
alone? You've been bothering me all
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evening. Go away.
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00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:53,880
All right, come on. Work, work.
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00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,300
Get this gig ready. The Colonel wants it
right away.
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00:03:56,730 --> 00:03:59,870
This Jeep is in an awful mess. Who had
it out last night? You did, Ernie.
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00:04:00,850 --> 00:04:03,710
Get the hairpins off the back seat.
Move, move. Quick, quick.
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00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:06,690
Excuse me, Harold. Are you in business
for yourself?
74
00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:07,930
Come on, look alive.
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00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:11,230
Hey, if that dance was too much for you
last night, you need some sleep. Get
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00:04:11,230 --> 00:04:12,570
under the truck with the rest of the
fellas.
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00:04:12,830 --> 00:04:14,710
Oh, it ain't that, Sarge. I went to bed
early.
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00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:16,510
Was there trouble at home?
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00:04:16,730 --> 00:04:17,730
No, Sarge.
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00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:18,950
Okay, who is she?
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Natalie Rumpelmeyer. A girl I saw at the
dance last night. What's the trouble?
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Won't she make a date with you? A date?
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I didn't even have the nerve to talk to
her.
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00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,440
Remember one thing. You're a soldier.
And what's more, a soldier of my
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Look around you. Look at these men.
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The ball brummel of Fort Baxter.
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00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:36,540
Look on these men's minds.
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If they don't get their face slapped
once a day, they haven't filled their
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quota. Figure that. All right, boys.
Give them the call of Company B.
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00:04:43,340 --> 00:04:44,340
You hear that?
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00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,360
She's got to make a date with you. Oh,
you're right, Sarge. I've been a sad
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long enough. Right. Hello? I want
Roseville, 8357.
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Attaboy, tiger.
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00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:57,280
Hello? Natalie?
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Hello, Natalie Rumpelmeyer. This is
Harold Westrom. Will you keep me? Have
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met? Only in my dreams.
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00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:11,560
Natalie, may I say you looked lovely at
the dance last night in your... What was
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00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,520
she wearing? A red dress. You looked
lovely in that gorgeous crimson gown.
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00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:22,180
How I wanted that last waltz with you.
But why didn't I ask? Well, how does a
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00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:25,900
soldier ask a goddess to dance? I was
breathless, I tell you. Breathless?
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00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,340
Oh, dear, Natalie, I'm afraid I've taken
enough of your time.
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The thought of asking you for a date and
us two dining alone is just too much to
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hope for. And so I thank you for...
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00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,320
What's that?
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You will.
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She will?
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00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:41,940
Oh, that's splendid.
108
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,580
We'll say at seven tonight?
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00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:44,900
Oh, splendid.
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00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:47,660
Until then, aloha.
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00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,580
I did it! I did it!
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In eight hours, I've got a date with
her. I'd better start getting ready.
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00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,120
Glad you handled that phone like a
violin.
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00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:06,040
This, this was an open phone. You should
catch me in a phone booth. I give a
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00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,040
country.
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This is fun, standing around shouting.
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00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:20,050
Come on, Rupert. Take
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that ball. You'll win the game in 20
bucks. All right, let's have it quiet.
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00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:23,569
There's a man shooting.
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00:06:23,570 --> 00:06:24,570
Quiet!
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Stop making him nervous. I'm trying to
help him. Go on, shoot.
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00:06:28,590 --> 00:06:29,369
Now relax.
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Don't let the stakes bother you.
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I knew it. I knew it. It was his fault.
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Take us something to say to make him
nice. Don't worry, I got something.
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00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:43,100
me, you left your toothpick there. Thank
you very much. Would you back away,
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00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:44,340
gentlemen, to watch a pro operate?
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00:06:45,540 --> 00:06:46,540
Fire!
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00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:47,620
Fire? Where?
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00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:52,080
You and your fire, we blew 20 bucks
again. Gentlemen, I have an announcement
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00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,400
make. There'll be a party at the PX,
courtesy of Rupert Ritchie.
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00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:56,600
Hey,
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look who's here, lover boy. What do you
say?
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00:06:59,140 --> 00:07:00,660
Hi, Harold. How was the date with
Natalie?
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00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,940
I'd rather not talk about it, Sarge. She
turned out to be a dud, huh? No, she
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00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:05,940
was wonderful.
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00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:07,060
It was me.
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00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:10,320
Ah, it's your first date. Next date
you'll make a better impression.
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00:07:10,540 --> 00:07:13,820
There won't be any next date. She told
me she'd be busy for the rest of the
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00:07:13,820 --> 00:07:16,700
year. But thanks for trying to help me,
Sarge.
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00:07:18,340 --> 00:07:20,620
He shouldn't have joined the Army. He
should have joined the Foreign Legion.
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00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,000
I don't know how he felt about it. I
guarantee you should go for him in a
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00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,340
minute. Trouble is, he fumbles so. He's
a fumpher.
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00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:31,000
Get me some stationery, quick. I'm going
to write a letter. A letter? Yes. He
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00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,260
doesn't know it yet, but he's going to
write a love letter. It'll go down in
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history. Let me see now.
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00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:37,690
Hanchper down. My dear Natalie.
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00:07:37,950 --> 00:07:41,030
No, no, scratch that. Say, my darling
Natalie.
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00:07:41,490 --> 00:07:47,130
When I saw you at the dance, I was so
overcome with emotion that I... Hold it.
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00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:48,150
Hold it a minute.
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00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:53,350
Harold's tears.
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00:07:56,010 --> 00:08:00,130
If I could speak, I would tell you that
your hair is like golden leaves rippling
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00:08:00,130 --> 00:08:00,989
in the breeze.
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00:08:00,990 --> 00:08:04,130
Your eyes are like limpid pools
reflecting the moonlight.
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00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:09,030
Alas. I cannot lay these things, so I
must say farewell, sweet Natalie.
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00:08:09,290 --> 00:08:10,630
I will love you forever.
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00:08:11,170 --> 00:08:12,170
Yours, Harold.
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00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:15,070
And it's tear -stained.
159
00:08:18,550 --> 00:08:21,030
Hello? Yes, this is Natalie Rumpelmeyer.
160
00:08:22,370 --> 00:08:25,690
No, the Natalie Rumpelmeyer you wanted
is my aunt. This is her niece.
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00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:27,970
Yes, I'll tell her.
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00:08:28,790 --> 00:08:32,030
Oh, who is that, Natalie? That's the
dress shop. They want you to come in for
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00:08:32,030 --> 00:08:32,709
fitting tomorrow.
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00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:37,260
Oh. I don't think I need another new
dress. I'm not the type that men look
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00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:41,200
Oh, don't worry, Aunt Natalie. Someday
you'll come along. Just you wait.
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00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:42,480
Yeah.
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00:08:43,140 --> 00:08:45,100
Well, I didn't have to wait long, did I?
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00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:47,380
We've got a date tonight.
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00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,040
Hi,
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00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,820
Roger. Hi, Dolphy. Here I am. The lady
called tonight.
171
00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:57,640
We're going to have a time tonight. I
brought over Marek.
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00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:58,960
Wait till you hear the new one.
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00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:00,640
Bebop baby from Boston.
174
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,680
Starts off with a couple of licks like
this.
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00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:15,670
If I could speak, I would tell you that
your hair is like golden wheat rippling
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00:09:15,670 --> 00:09:16,549
in the breeze.
177
00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:20,570
And on the flip side of the record, it's
a real sender. Rock and ship, rock and
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00:09:20,570 --> 00:09:21,570
roll.
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00:09:23,550 --> 00:09:24,550
What?
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00:09:25,590 --> 00:09:26,670
Farewell, sweet Natalie.
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00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:28,390
I will love you forever.
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00:09:28,790 --> 00:09:30,150
Come on, Natalie, get with it.
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00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:34,530
Roger. Look, I don't feel up to anything
tonight. I'd like to listen to records
184
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:35,530
some other time, okay?
185
00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:37,610
But they'll be over by next week, doll.
186
00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:41,450
But I want to go to bed early and I've
got a very important letter that I want
187
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:42,349
to answer.
188
00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:45,510
Well, whatever you say, pet, but don't
wait too long.
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00:09:46,030 --> 00:09:47,490
Someone might pick me off.
190
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,090
news. You told me the good news ten
times.
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00:10:26,470 --> 00:10:29,290
You got a letter from Natalie and you
were out with her tonight. But, Sarge,
192
00:10:29,330 --> 00:10:30,229
we're engaged.
193
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,250
All right, you're engaged. Go on, get
some sleep.
194
00:10:34,350 --> 00:10:39,270
Like Natalie said, we were meant for
each other. Natalie said that? Yeah, and
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00:10:39,270 --> 00:10:43,510
told her, tomorrow I'm drawing out all
my savings to buy her the biggest
196
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,470
engagement ring I can find. Tomorrow?
197
00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:47,010
Yeah. Oh, gee.
198
00:10:47,410 --> 00:10:49,570
If you hadn't made that phone call.
199
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,710
All right, go on, get some sleep. How do
you... This way, this way.
200
00:10:54,670 --> 00:10:57,770
Harold's engaged to the girl of his
dreams. I don't know. It's all too fast.
201
00:10:58,150 --> 00:11:00,290
Yeah, they're practically strangers, and
they're engaged.
202
00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:02,990
Well, you think there's something wrong?
I don't know. She may be a very nice
203
00:11:02,990 --> 00:11:05,730
girl, but this is my responsibility. I
got him into this. I better look into
204
00:11:05,730 --> 00:11:06,730
this Miss Natalie.
205
00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:10,230
She may be one of those claws. You know,
give me, give me him. Go on, get to it.
206
00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:16,650
This is our address, Ernie. Okay.
207
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:19,490
You think we're doing the right thing,
Sarge? Look, when a guy like Harold
208
00:11:19,490 --> 00:11:20,490
in love, he's hopeless.
209
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,400
Now, it'll only take a few seconds. I'll
find out if this dame is on the level
210
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,800
or not. You got the petition? Right
here. Here it is. House looks all right.
211
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:28,320
Look, don't judge a book by its cover,
pal. Oh. Yes?
212
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,860
Oh, I beg your pardon, madam. I was
looking for Miss Natalie Rumpelmeyer.
213
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,680
well, I'm Natalie Rumpelmeyer. What can
I do for you?
214
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:36,800
You're Natalie Rumpelmeyer?
215
00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:37,819
Uh -huh.
216
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:38,840
And I'm after her?
217
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,500
Well, listen, let me... Oh, we're just
getting some names on a petition for a
218
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:45,060
swimming pool for servicemen, but
there's no use troubling you with your
219
00:11:45,060 --> 00:11:49,260
housework. No, I'd love to sign it. I'm
very fond of servicemen. Yeah, I'll bet
220
00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:50,260
you are.
221
00:11:50,469 --> 00:11:51,469
Thank you very much.
222
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,590
I hope you get your pool.
223
00:11:53,990 --> 00:11:55,810
Well, if we do, we'll make a cabana
after you.
224
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,130
Yes. Miss Rumpelmeyer, thank you.
225
00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:02,730
Well, will you listen to me for an hour?
Sarge, I don't get it. She's old enough
226
00:12:02,730 --> 00:12:04,990
to be his mother. Yeah, but young enough
to spend his allotment.
227
00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:07,850
Do you really think that's why she's
marrying him? Get a look at this layout.
228
00:12:07,990 --> 00:12:10,010
She's probably been living off
servicemen since 1917.
229
00:12:10,770 --> 00:12:11,810
Well, what are we going to do about it?
230
00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:14,570
First thing we do is get back to camp
and talk some sense into that Harold.
231
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,940
Hey, I'm late. I'm going to give Natalie
the ring tonight.
232
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,820
Hey, Sarge, you're just in time. We've
got the engagement ring.
233
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:28,020
I'll say we're just in time. Look at it,
Sarge. Only $400.
234
00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:30,860
Boy, when he goes, he goes, huh?
235
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,480
Look, kid, I want to talk to you. Oh, I
haven't got time. I've got to see
236
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,420
Natalie. That's what I want to talk to
you about. I just saw Natalie.
237
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:38,640
Oh, you did, Sarge?
238
00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:40,000
Isn't she beautiful?
239
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:42,160
Now, look, Natalie is not for you.
240
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:43,760
What are you talking about?
241
00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:47,440
Well, first, she's too old for you.
Second, all she's after is your dough.
242
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,580
Now, take it easy, Sarge. You're talking
about the girl of my dreams.
243
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,300
Well, wake up. The girl of your dreams
is a lemon.
244
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,960
Nobody talks that way about nothing.
245
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:58,219
Steady, boy.
246
00:12:58,220 --> 00:13:02,820
All right, all right. I'm sorry, kid. If
you love her, it's your business and
247
00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:03,820
that's all. Let him go.
248
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,300
I'm sorry, kid. I'm sorry I took a swing
at you, Sarge, but...
249
00:13:07,550 --> 00:13:12,010
You know how I feel about Natalie. Well,
now I know, yes. Well, I've got to run.
250
00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:16,690
I want to give Natalie her engagement
ring tonight. Oh, tonight? Oh, Don.
251
00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:20,310
the matter? I just remembered you drew
guard duty tonight, all night.
252
00:13:20,690 --> 00:13:24,390
Guard duty tonight? Well, what is it?
It's just one night after all. Absence
253
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:25,610
makes the heart grow fonder.
254
00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:30,010
Go to your post, Harold. After all, we
must do our work, too. Love can wait.
255
00:13:32,460 --> 00:13:35,320
Look, I don't get it, Ernie. First you
tell him it's okay about him and
256
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:38,240
Then you put him on guard duty so he
can't see it. You know the old adage?
257
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,020
While the cat's away, the mouse will
play.
258
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,060
And I have a huntsman's mouse called
Natalie.
259
00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:43,339
She'll play.
260
00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:44,340
Then you're going to set a trap?
261
00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:46,020
Yeah. Oh, she's after his dough.
262
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:47,860
Anybody's dough.
263
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,340
Now, I'll need some capital.
264
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:50,900
Freeze. Freeze.
265
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:52,960
Freeze.
266
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,840
I'm asking for contributions to the Stop
Natalie Fund.
267
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:58,280
Come on, you may be the next victim.
Give, give.
268
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,700
Here we go again. We all got to stick
together to stop the Natalies of the
269
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:02,700
world. Jim!
270
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:08,960
And for the maker?
271
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,080
Oh, anything under glass.
272
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,520
I love surprises.
273
00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:18,940
You know, Sergeant, you could have
knocked me over with a feather when you
274
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:20,760
called up and asked me out tonight.
275
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,540
Oh, I know it was terribly forward of
me, but the moment you signed that
276
00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:26,040
petition, I couldn't get you out of my
mind, Natalie.
277
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:28,500
Oh, I may call you Natalie, may I?
278
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,560
Oh, of course you may. You call me
Ernie?
279
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,600
Ernie. Oh, my gosh.
280
00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:38,420
Miss, do you have any imported orchids,
please?
281
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:44,040
I'm sorry, I just have gardenias. Oh,
Don, whenever you mind, Natalie. From
282
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,180
on, you'll be wearing nothing but
orchids.
283
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,520
That'll be one dollar, sir. Oh, yes, of
course.
284
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:49,780
Oh, here you are, Miss.
285
00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:51,260
Here you are, Jane.
286
00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:53,780
Five dollars.
287
00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:58,200
Well, you certainly are free with your
money, Ernie. That does interest you,
288
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:02,640
doesn't it? Oh, like I said to Dad many
times. I said, Dad, you make it and I'll
289
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:03,800
spend it. Somebody else.
290
00:15:06,420 --> 00:15:08,220
Let's talk about you, Natalie.
291
00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:10,920
Oh, there I go again.
292
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:12,440
Oh,
293
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:22,060
don't tell me you are in the ballet
route to dance the violin.
294
00:15:26,730 --> 00:15:31,430
night. It's been so exciting. A
different place than dining, dancing,
295
00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:35,910
Oh, I guess I have been rather selfish
keeping you all to myself. Not giving
296
00:15:35,910 --> 00:15:41,290
time to see anybody else. Ernie, there
isn't anybody else. Oh, come on, fess
297
00:15:41,330 --> 00:15:44,030
There must be a teeny -weeny little
somebody else.
298
00:15:44,330 --> 00:15:47,710
There isn't a nitty -bitty anybody else.
299
00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:52,170
Oh, there is.
300
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,750
Never mind, my dear. Lita. Lita.
Miguelito.
301
00:15:56,970 --> 00:15:58,190
Miguelito. Yes, sir?
302
00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:01,410
More music.
303
00:16:01,470 --> 00:16:03,470
We're dancing the night away. Thank you.
304
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,270
All she keeps saying is, Oh, my name.
305
00:16:12,490 --> 00:16:13,490
Oh, my name.
306
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:17,910
And has Natalie never even mentioned
Harold? Just as if he never existed. All
307
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:21,550
she's interested in is Dad's millions.
How many more millions has Dad got?
308
00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:23,850
Thirteen bucks. That's why I'm winding
it up tonight.
309
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:25,049
Natalie ready?
310
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:27,070
Ready. Frankly, I think she's a little
ahead of me.
311
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:28,229
Poor Harold.
312
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:30,290
What's with this poor Harold? What I'm
doing is for his benefit.
313
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:32,950
Tonight he's going to find out what kind
of a girl Natalie really is.
314
00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:34,810
Where is he now? K .P. Good.
315
00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:37,830
Release him in an hour. He'll make a
beeline right for Natalie's house. And
316
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,690
there he will find a little surprise
waiting for him. Oh, give me a little of
317
00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:41,690
that right here.
318
00:16:42,950 --> 00:16:44,750
She's somewhat of a near middle at this
point.
319
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:57,770
We'll have to change my stationery,
Ernie. Oh, I wouldn't rush and do too
320
00:16:57,770 --> 00:16:58,770
changes right away.
321
00:16:58,870 --> 00:17:03,330
I hope you don't believe in long
engagements, Ernie. Don't worry,
322
00:17:03,330 --> 00:17:05,430
have an idea. This engagement won't be
too long.
323
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:07,750
I'm dying to tell my family.
324
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:10,150
Oh, Natalie, there's somebody I must
tell first.
325
00:17:10,510 --> 00:17:11,869
Well, you're the boss.
326
00:17:12,069 --> 00:17:14,130
Anything you say, Ernie.
327
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:15,950
Natalie!
328
00:17:17,030 --> 00:17:21,470
Natalie! Harold! What are you doing
here, Sarge? Harold, remember, this was
329
00:17:21,470 --> 00:17:23,109
for your own good. Bear that in mind.
330
00:17:23,819 --> 00:17:24,880
Tell him, dearie.
331
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:28,600
Harold, Sergeant Bilko and I are
engaged.
332
00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:33,620
Engaged? Sarge! 20 years. If you hit a
man with glasses, you get 20 years.
333
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,660
That's good news, Sarge.
Congratulations.
334
00:17:36,540 --> 00:17:38,520
Look, I don't think you heard her
clearly.
335
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,860
You see, Natalie and I are engaged to be
married. Harold, where have you been?
336
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,440
Hiya, Natalie.
337
00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:52,000
Natalie? My name is...
338
00:17:56,090 --> 00:17:57,150
Natalie? My aunt.
339
00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:03,490
This is your uncle Ernie.
340
00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:06,610
Uncle Ernie?
341
00:18:12,470 --> 00:18:13,470
Uncle Ernie.
342
00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:15,450
Uncle Ernie. Get out of there, Ernie.
Leave me alone.
343
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,750
Some people cry at weddings. I cry at
engagements.
344
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:21,270
Oh, Ernie, it's not your fault. How are
you supposed to know there were two
345
00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:24,150
Natalies? Oh, that's... You tell that to
the judge when he marries us.
346
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,120
Married? Dealing with a desperate man.
347
00:18:31,180 --> 00:18:32,180
What are you doing?
348
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,020
I'm just going to hark it so I can get
out of town.
349
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:37,720
I'm still in the army.
350
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,000
You better do something fast. Harold
says she's making all sorts of wedding
351
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,620
plans. There's nothing to it. I'll have
to tell her. I'll tell her the
352
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:46,080
engagement was off. She's a nice girl. I
hate to hurt her feelings, but I'm
353
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,920
going to tell her. Yeah, but when are
you going to tell her to her? Tonight.
354
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,380
Harold and I got a double date.
355
00:18:49,980 --> 00:18:50,980
Double date?
356
00:18:56,910 --> 00:18:59,890
want to hurt your feelings, but I've got
to tell you this. Now, listen. Frankly,
357
00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:06,610
I've... What is this? This is our
engagement party, Ernie.
358
00:19:07,010 --> 00:19:08,090
Are you surprised?
359
00:19:08,910 --> 00:19:13,630
Yes, I'm getting nothing but surprises
today. Well, Bilko, Colonel Hall.
360
00:19:13,950 --> 00:19:15,430
Congratulations, Bilko.
361
00:19:15,830 --> 00:19:17,990
I've known your fiancé for years.
362
00:19:18,510 --> 00:19:20,690
Frankly, I was surprised at your choice.
363
00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:22,670
Yeah, I'm a little surprised, too.
364
00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:27,860
I was expecting you to pick some mighty
young thing. Frankly, sir, I expected
365
00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:28,860
it, too.
366
00:19:29,140 --> 00:19:33,760
But instead of that, you picked a fine,
sensible woman. Now, Colonel Paul! Oh,
367
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:38,440
John, isn't it fun? Now we can have the
Bilko's over the bridge real soon.
368
00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:40,860
Congratulations, Sergeant Bilko!
369
00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:46,280
I want you to meet some of my friends.
Oh, well, look, Natalie, there's
370
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:47,280
something I... Now, later.
371
00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:50,220
And, Natalie, if I could just... Ernie,
this is Mr.
372
00:19:50,460 --> 00:19:51,159
and Mrs.
373
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,620
Hollister. We went to school together.
Oh, that's nice.
374
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:59,060
Delighted. Yes, well, look, Natalie...
Now, Ernie, Ernie, dear, this is Police
375
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:01,060
Chief Erickson. You've seen him around.
376
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,340
How do you do? I've always wanted to
meet a policeman socially.
377
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:08,520
Ernie, Ernie, dear, I have to look after
the punch, dear.
378
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,840
Uh, Bilko, I want to talk to you.
379
00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:16,360
I just want to tell you that I've known
Natalie Rumpelmeyer for 20 years.
380
00:20:16,860 --> 00:20:20,940
And I don't know a woman in Roseville
who I respect or admire more. That's
381
00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:24,160
of you to say that about me. I'm telling
you this because I want you to know
382
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,360
that if I ever hear of anybody ever
doing anything to hurt that little woman
383
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:31,540
cause her pain, I take this badge off
and forget that I was an officer in
384
00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:32,519
of keeping peace.
385
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:36,220
The drinks are all ready.
386
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,120
Now, what was it you had to say to me?
387
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:40,900
Me?
388
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:45,380
Yes, you said you had something very
important to say.
389
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:49,400
Frankly, I had such an interesting
conversation with the chief, he knocked
390
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,400
right out of my mind.
391
00:20:52,260 --> 00:20:55,100
Here comes the bride.
392
00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:57,200
Please, have fun.
393
00:21:00,780 --> 00:21:06,280
My marriage can't be all bad.
394
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,980
Why don't you shut up? Why don't you
think of a way to get me out of this?
395
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:10,380
Think, think, think.
396
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:11,720
Look who I'm asking.
397
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:12,840
Hey, Sarge.
398
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:15,720
If you can take a soldier to the Navy, I
can get on a submarine, maybe.
399
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,840
Hey, Sarge, can you fix the traffic
tickets?
400
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,320
I hear some of these submarines stay
under the water for six months.
401
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:24,500
Of all things, the tickets for
jaywalking. Look, I got my own problems.
402
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:25,199
you leave me alone?
403
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,940
Why don't I... But, Sarge, I'm not the
only one. The chief of police has been
404
00:21:27,940 --> 00:21:29,700
handing out tickets like they were
samples.
405
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,220
And the funny thing, he only hands them
to soldiers.
406
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:35,280
Soldiers? How long has this been going
on? For the past two days.
407
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:36,840
Well, that's your problem. Look.
408
00:21:40,670 --> 00:21:41,670
Two days.
409
00:21:41,890 --> 00:21:44,230
Don't you get it? I don't get it. That's
when the engagement was first
410
00:21:44,230 --> 00:21:47,330
announced. Two days ago, right? See if
you get this. If you were chief of
411
00:21:47,330 --> 00:21:50,370
and a soldier stole the woman you love,
would you care about soldiers much?
412
00:21:50,670 --> 00:21:51,670
No. Would you?
413
00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:53,210
Neither does he. Wait a minute.
414
00:21:53,470 --> 00:21:56,530
I don't get it. If the chief of police
is in love with Aunt Natalie, why don't
415
00:21:56,530 --> 00:21:58,170
he tell her so? Because he doesn't know
it yet.
416
00:21:58,410 --> 00:22:00,390
This. This ticket tells the story.
417
00:22:00,630 --> 00:22:03,410
You mean you're going to fix the ticket,
Sarge? No, dear boy, but I'm going to
418
00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:06,490
fix the Satan chief of police. Hey, you
still got that diary you got for
419
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:08,930
Christmas? Yeah. Is it blank? Sure. What
have I got to put in it?
420
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,060
and that's how it'll make it sizzle in
you.
421
00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:15,840
You dove him and you showed me the way.
You deserve a kiss with this.
422
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:17,380
Rocco, kiss him.
423
00:22:20,580 --> 00:22:24,260
There you are, you boulder. What a good
notion of thrashing with an image of
424
00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:24,839
your life.
425
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,580
What do you mean by bursting in here
like this, Bill? Oh, play innocent with
426
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:28,239
you can.
427
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,020
Trifling with the heart of the woman I
love and I have the proof.
428
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:35,140
What are you talking about? My beloved's
diary, or as they will call it in
429
00:22:35,140 --> 00:22:36,180
court, Exhibit A.
430
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:40,180
Diary? Are you crazy, Bilko? Yes, dear
sweet Natalie doesn't know I have this
431
00:22:40,180 --> 00:22:44,100
diary. And oh, what a story it tells.
What are you talking about? What am I
432
00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:44,899
talking about?
433
00:22:44,900 --> 00:22:47,020
All right, perhaps you'd like to hear
this.
434
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,860
April 22nd.
435
00:22:49,060 --> 00:22:52,800
Dear diary, I saw Police Chief Erickson
walk by the house again today.
436
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:55,020
How handsome he looks in his uniform.
437
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,360
That's the tenth time he walked by this
week.
438
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,440
I suppose you're going to tell me that
was your beat?
439
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,680
I am chief of police. I don't walk a
beat. Well, sir, perhaps you can explain
440
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,940
this. And don't think this is... Here it
is. May 5th.
441
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:13,960
Today... He blew his whistle at me.
442
00:23:14,740 --> 00:23:15,800
How about that?
443
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,860
Vilco, I blow my whistle at a lot of
people. Do you indeed?
444
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,780
It may be a whistle to you, but to poor
Natalie, it was a love call.
445
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,400
Perhaps you'll explain this, sir.
446
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,400
May 10th.
447
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,420
Today, he stopped traffic so I could
cross the street.
448
00:23:28,980 --> 00:23:30,080
Maybe he loves me.
449
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:31,980
As much as I love him.
450
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,420
You got so excited when you saw how you
stopped traffic. You couldn't wait for
451
00:23:37,420 --> 00:23:38,420
the traffic light, eh?
452
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:42,140
I never knew Natalie felt like that. Oh,
didn't you? You didn't help her along,
453
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:47,920
I suppose, walking by her house,
stopping traffic, blowing your whistle.
454
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:53,080
Then I stood a chance all these years.
Too late! She's mine!
455
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,780
She's not yours, Belko, not until she
says I do.
456
00:23:56,540 --> 00:23:57,960
You're going to fight for her like a
man, eh?
457
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,720
I certainly am. All is fair in love and
war.
458
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:01,639
Is it indeed?
459
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,500
Well, you have no chance, Flatfoot. You
wouldn't know how to tell Natalie the
460
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:07,860
things she likes to hear. You wouldn't
know enough to tell her that her lips
461
00:24:07,860 --> 00:24:10,280
like wine, her eyes are like stars.
462
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,160
You don't know that orchid is her
favorite flower, do you?
463
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,540
You wouldn't even know enough to take
her dancing.
464
00:24:15,780 --> 00:24:16,780
Oh, yeah?
465
00:24:16,820 --> 00:24:20,260
You've got a fight on your hands, Bilko.
Oh, I'll see about that. And may the
466
00:24:20,260 --> 00:24:23,320
best man win, you whistleblower.
467
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:30,280
one, but this is a double wedding.
Where's the other sign? I got it out of
468
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,340
car. Good. Now put this on the other
car. Okay.
469
00:24:32,860 --> 00:24:34,300
Here they come. Here they come.
470
00:24:34,620 --> 00:24:36,560
Here comes the bride.
471
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:38,480
Oh, the bride.
472
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,260
Darling, hurry up. You'll miss the
plane.
473
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:44,900
Oh, here we go.
474
00:24:45,740 --> 00:24:50,720
Come on, Chief. You'll be late for your
own honeymoon.
475
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:55,620
Bilko, you're all right. I couldn't help
but admire... the way you took it when
476
00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:58,800
Natalie said she was going to marry me
instead of you. Oh, it hurt, but I'll
477
00:24:58,800 --> 00:24:59,679
over it.
478
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:03,920
Get on that plane and get her out of
here. Hey, Sarge, look. Look, she's
479
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,940
ready to throw the bouquet. Who cares
about bouquets? You got out of that with
480
00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:13,000
us, Sarge. Oh, and never again I give
you my word. I swear I will... Wilco,
481
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,040
means you're going to be the next one to
get married.
482
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:16,640
Hey, Sarge!
483
00:25:22,730 --> 00:25:27,070
Also seen in tonight's cast were Kay
Medford as Aunt Natalie, Lee
484
00:25:27,070 --> 00:25:31,710
as Natalie Rumpelmeyer, Earl Rowe as
Private Harold Westrom, Norman McKay as
485
00:25:31,710 --> 00:25:36,250
Police Chief Erickson, Joey Ross as
Sergeant Ritzik, Jimmy Little as
486
00:25:36,250 --> 00:25:38,550
Grover, and Tim Herbert as Roger.
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