All language subtitles for Boogie Nights 1997.eng

[THE EMOTIONS' "BEST OF MY LOVE"
PLAYING IN CLUB ON SPEAKERS]

MAURICE: No, no, no. Get... Get...
Back of the line, man.

MAN: You're gonna let me in, right?
MAURICE: No, no, no.

I got business to run here. Back of the...

JACK: Yo, Maurice.
- Jack. Jackie Jack.

Jackie Jack. Jackie Jack.
Jack, how you doing?

And Miss Lovely Amber Waves. Mwah.

- Hi, Maurice.
- Como estas?

- I've been pissed off you haven't been around.
JACK: Uh, we were on vacation.

MAURICE: Listen, don't you ever stay
away from my club that long again, okay?

JACK: You got it.
MAURICE: And not for nothing, honey...

...but you are the sexiest bitch
in the entire county. I love you.

AMBER:
You're such a charmer.

Listen.
I got your booth set up over there.

Some clams, I'm gonna send right over.
Listen, Jack. I'm ready, I'm available.

You put me in a movie, okay?
We're talking box office.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Box office, Jack. Chi- Chi?

Chi-chi, listen. Jack and Amber's table.
Take them over an order of clams. Let's go.

Okay, how's it going here?

Listen, baby. Me and you,
we'll take a picture later on, okay?

I love you, baby.

How's it going? Hey, hey, hey. Yeah.

Hey, we were looking for you before, man.
Where were you, seriously?

- Yeah. Okay, I was here.
- Seriously, man.

BECKY:
Hmm.

- I love you.
- I love you, Beck. I love you, Beck.

Hey, Maurice. Hey, cowboy.

MAURICE: Cow...? That's a cowboy?
BUCK: Cowboy.

MAURICE: That's...
BECKY: There you go.

- You like it? It's nice, right?
- Yeah.

- If you like it, it's okay.
BUCK: I love it, man.

MAURICE: Okay.
BUCK: All right.

MAURICE: Cool. Real cool.
BUCK: Thanks, man.

WAITER: Compliments of Maurice.
- Oh, thank you.

- Can I get a margarita, please?
- Uh, 7- Up.

- Hi, Rollergirl.
- Hi.

- Did you call that girl today?
ROLLERGIRL: I forgot.

If you don't do it tomorrow, it'll be the
weekend, you'll never be able to see her.

ROLLERGIRL:
Okay.

What's the matter down there?

- I gotta go pee.
- Well, go then.

What's happening?

WOMAN:
Guys, let's get the album.

[BONEY M'S "SUNNY"
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

BILL: Hey, Jack.
- Little Bill.

AMBER: Hi.
- Hi, Amber. How are you?

Uh, how's our schedule?
Are we still on for day after tomorrow?

More like the day after
the day after tomorrow.

Jack, come on. I gotta call Rocky, Scotty,
Kurt. I gotta call those guys.

I wanna keep a small group on this one.
A small crew. Know what I mean?

BILL: A low-key deal?
- Exactly.

Well...

I mean, do...? I'm sorry.
Do we...? Do we have a script?

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[EDDIE SIGHS]

- Hey.
- Hey.

- So how you doing?
- Fine.

- How old are you?
- I have a work permit. I have all the papers...

No, it's nothing like that.
You been working here long?

A month.

- Maurice give you the job?
- Yeah.

You from around here?
I mean, uh, Canoga? Reseda?

- Um, no. You know where Torrance is?
- Yeah. How do you get here?

Take the bus.

- So, what do you wanna be?
- Excuse me?

Well, I mean, you take the bus from Torrance
to come here to Reseda to do this job.

Can't you get a job like this in Torrance?

- Yeah, but I don't want to.
- Oh, okay.

[SIGHS]

So...

...you want 5 or 10?

What?

Well, if you just wanna see me jack off,
it's 10.

But if you just wanna look at it,
it's only 5.

- Guys pay you to watch you, do they?
- Yeah.

- You already done it tonight?
- Couple times.

- And you can do it again?
- If you want. If you got 10 bucks.

No.

My name is Jack.

Eddie. Eddie Adams.

- Eddie Adams from Torrance.
- Yup.

- Jack Horner, filmmaker.
- Really?

Yeah. I make, uh, adult films,
exotic pictures.

Ah, I know who you are.
I read about you in a magazine.

Inside Amber, Amanda's Ride.
You made those.

- Right.
- Those are great.

So now you know...

- ...I'm not full of doggy doo-doo.
- Heh, yeah.

Wanna come back to the table
and, uh, you know, have a drink with me?

Uh, I'd love to, but I gotta work.

You have to work, get money,
you know, pay the rent.

Well, yea... I mean, no.

I need money, but I don't pay rent.
I still live at home.

How old are you, Eddie?

Seventeen.

Seventeen-year-old piece of gold.

- Heh, yeah, right.
- Why don't you come to the table?

- I got some people I'd like you to meet.
- I do know you. I know who you are.

I'd love to come to your table for a drink.
Obviously, you're not full of, um...

- Doggy doo-doo.
- Yeah.

But I just couldn't walk out on Maurice.
I'm really sorry.

Yeah.

I got a feeling, beneath those jeans there's
something wonderful just waiting to get out.

[SIGHS]

BILL: Hey, guys.
REED: Bill. What's up?

BILL: Not a lot. What are you guys up to?
REED: Don't know, probably just go home.

BILL: I'll see you guys later.
BUCK: What are you still doing here?

- Can I sleep at your place?
BILL: Half-hour, I'll be there.

BECKY: Bye, Maurice.
MAN: Good night.

MAURICE:
Hey, listen. Thank you.

Love you, mamita. Take care.

This is the man that you let in anytime,
you understand?

BECKY: Ha, ha.
MAURICE: All right.

BECKY: Luego.
MAURICE: Hasta manana.

Fix you some eggs, beauty?

No. I'm going to sleep. Good night.

Good night, honey-tits. Sleep beautiful.

Okay.

[SLOW JAZZ PLAYING ON STEREO]

Tom? Hi. Yeah, it's me.

I know that it's late, but I...

Is Andy there? Is he?

I'd like to say hello.

I'd like to say hello to my son,
and that's all.

Let me tell you something.

Let me tell you something you don't know.
I know a lawyer. You understand?

You might think I don't, but I do,
and I'll take you to court.

Tom, don't. Come on, Tom.
Please. Please. Please.

[BED SQUEAKING]

[WOMAN MOANING SOFTLY]

The fuck are you doing?

What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?

Can you close the door?

Will I close the door?

Will I close the door?
That's my wife, you asshole.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Get out. Go sleep on the couch.

Don't stop, big stud.

[BED SQUEAKING]

[SIGHS]

Yeah. That's right.

Oh, Jesus, please, okay?
Shave if you're gonna do that.

- You scratch my face.
- Sorry.

- Good morning.
- Hey.

How's it at work?
You get home late, huh?

- Yeah.
- You know, you work in a nightclub.

If it means so much to you,
you should find one that's closer.

EDDIE:
Yeah.

I gotta get to work.

- At a car wash.
- What?

You work at a car wash.
You work at a nightclub.

School never occurred to you?

EDDIE: Bye, Dad.
FATHER: Bye.

[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]

BUCK: So basically, you're getting
twice the bass with the TK-421 ...

...which we've, uh, got available
in this system right here.

MAN: I don't know.
I don't really know if I need all that bass.

Oh, I think you need all that bass.

Heh, I mean, if you want a system
to handle what you want...

...yeah, you need the bass.

See, this... This is hi-fi, okay?

High fidelity. Know what that means?

That means
this is the highest quality fidelity.

Hi-fi. Those are two very important things
to have in a stereo system.

- It's the price. For the 420...
- I have this very unit in my home.

- Really?
- Yes, I do.

Of course, I got it modified
with the TK-421 ...

...which, uh, kicks it up another...

...I don't know, maybe three or four, um,
quads per channel, you know.

But that's really... That's technical talk.
That doesn't really concern you.

[CHUCKLES]

Still a little uncertain, aren't you?

- Yeah.
BUCK: Yeah.

You know what you need?
You need a test drive.

That's what you need.
You need a test drive.

It's one thing to hear it from Buck's mouth,
it's another to hear it from the TK-421 .

So let me just pop in this 8-track...

...and you just give a listen,
tell me what you think, okay?

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY
ON SPEAKERS]

BUCK:
Whoo! Huh?

You hear that? You hear the bass? Right?

You hear it? It kicks.

It turns. It curls up your belly.
Makes you wanna freaky-deaky, right?

Heh, you got that?
Now, see, if you get this system as is...

...it's not gonna sound like this
without the TK-421 modification...

...and we do that in the store right here,
very small price.

Go on and move with it if you need to.
It helps me.

Thank you for your time.

Oh, okay. Well, hey. So long, partner.

[DOOR CLOSES]

- What the fuck was that?
- What?

- Have I told you?
- Have... What?

- Have I?
- I don't know what you're talking about.

[MUSIC STOPS]

You put on that country-western shit,
no one's gonna buy a stereo.

What kind of brother are you, anyway?
Listening to that shit.

- All right. Look, Jerry...
- No, no, no. You look.

I gave you a job here because,
you know...

...I thought your acting stuff might bring
some nice pussy into the place, and it has.

But I can't have any more fuckups.
You dig?

Yeah.

- You dig?
- Yeah. I dig.

Okay, now get in the back
and, uh, unload those new 484s.

All right. Sorry, I was just...

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

TEACHER:
Settle down, class. Settle down.

This is your final.

Keep your test papers face down
until I tell you to turn them up.

Clear your tables, please.

There should be nothing on your desk
but your test paper and a pencil.

We're covering chapters 17 through 28.

Your eyes should stay on your test paper,
please.

Are we ready?

Class, begin.

[SIGHS]

[WHISPERS]
I love to suck cock. I love to suck cock.

TEACHER: Honey? You okay?
Sweetheart? Is something wrong?

EDDIE: I gotta get back.
SHERYL: I need it once more.

EDDIE: I have to go back to work.
- Come on. Give it to me, Eddie.

Don't make me pounce you, Sheryl Lynn.

- Ooh, baby, baby, baby.
- I'll do it.

- You promise?
- Oh, that's it.

- You want it?
- Yeah.

- How bad?
- Bad.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

You asked for it.

[SHERYL LYNN LAUGHING]

Oh, God. Wait.

Stop. Stop.

What?

[MOANS]

Your cock is so beautiful.

Yeah?

Do you know how good you are
at doing it, Eddie?

Having sex? Fucking me?
Making love to me?

[CHUCKLES]

Everyone has one thing, you think?

I mean, everyone's given
one special thing, right?

That's right.

Everyone's blessed
with one special thing.

Hey.

I want you to know I plan on being a star.

A big, bright shining star.

That's what I want.
That's what I'm gonna get.

I know.

I gotta go.

You're lucky.

[THE CHAKACHAS' "JUNGLE FEVER"
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

Hi.

[GASPS]

JACK: Eddie.
- Hi.

JACK: Want a ride?
- Jack?

JACK: Yeah. Want a ride?
- Hi. Uh, well, I'm going really far.

ROLLERGIRL: Do you remember me
from a couple hours ago?

Yeah, I remember.

AMBER:
Come with us, sweetie.

Okay.

EDDIE:
This is a really cool car, Jack.

So, what I'm trying to tell you, Eddie...

...is that it takes a lot
of the good, old American green stuff...

...to make one of these things,
you know what I mean?

I mean, you know, you've got your camera,
you've got your film...

...you got your lights, you got your sound,
you got your lab costs...

...you got your developing,
you got your synching, you got your editing.

Before you turn around, you've spent
maybe 20-, 25-, $30,000 on a movie.

- Wow, that's a lot of money.
- You bet your ass it is.

But if you make a good one...

...there's practically no end
to how much money you can make.

- Have you seen Jack's house?
EDDIE: No.

- He will.
ROLLERGIRL: He'll see it.

JACK: You got maybe 15, 20 guys
standing around...

...just making sure
that your lighting is right.

But you can work out in the morning,
you can work out at noon...

...you can work out at night.

It doesn't matter
if you don't have those juices flowing...

...down there in the Mr. Torpedo area,
in the fun zone...

...but you gotta get the people
in the theater.

You know, you need the big dicks,
the big tits.

Uh-oh. Here we go.

JACK: How do you keep them in the theater
after they've come?

With beauty...

...and with acting.

Now, I understand you've gotta
get them in the theater, you know?

You gotta keep the seats full.

But I don't wanna make a film
where they show up, they sit down...

...they jack off, and they get up
and they get out before the story ends.

It is my dream, it is my goal,
it is my idea to make a film...

...that the story just sucks them in...

...and when they spurt out that joy juice,
they just gotta sit in it.

They can't move
until they find out how the story ends.

You know, aah,
I wanna make a film like that.

And I understand,
you know, they have to make films...

I've made them myself,
you know, that are a few laughs...

...everybody fucks their brains out,
and that's fine.

But it's my dream to make a film...

...that is true...

...and right and dramatic.

You sure you don't want a Fresca?

- No, thanks.
- Are you sure?

- Yeah.
- You're out of limes, Jack.

Well, check in the kitchen, darling.

I'm going to bed.

Good night, Jackie.
Don't stay up too late.

Good night, beauty.

- Good night, Eddie.
- Good night.

Glad you came by.

- You're great.
- Oh, thank you.

She's the best.

She's a wonderful mother, you know?

She's a mother
to all those who need love.

- She's really nice.
- Yeah.

You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking,
I wanna be in business with you, Eddie.

- Really?
- Yeah. What do you think?

I'd love it.

What do you think of Rollergirl?

- She's great.
- Yeah.

- Would you like to do it?
- Have sex?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah. I mean, I'd love to.

- She's really foxy.
- Oh, you bet your ass she is.

You're officially out of limes, Jack.

Well, I'll pick up some for you
tomorrow or something.

Come here, darling.

I want you to go over there
and sit on the couch with Eddie.

Here we go. Are we gonna fuck?

- Oh, yes.
- Ha, ha. Wait a minute.

[SIGHS]

[MELANIE'S "BRAND NEW KEY"
PLAYING ON STEREO]

- Are you ready?
EDDIE: Yeah. Are you?

ROLLERGIRL:
Oh, yeah.

EDDIE:
Are you gonna take your skates off?

I don't take my skates off.

- And don't fucking cum in me.
EDDIE: Okay.

Aim it at her tits, Eddie.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

- Hi.
- Where were you?

- Nowhere.
- Shut up. Where were you?

You see that little slut girl you see?
Sheryl? Sheryl Lynn?

Don't say that.

Make you feel like a stud
to see trash like that?

- She your girlfriend?
- No, she's not my girlfr...

She's a little whore
and a little piece of trash.

And I know
you're not the only one she sees.

- Why would you say something like that?
- I heard things about her, that girl.

Don't think I don't know what goes on
when I'm not here.

I wash your sheets. I know she's been here.
Or you doing something else in there...

...with your music
and your posters on the wall?

- What is your problem?
- Okay, fine. All right. Just go.

Go to that whore Sheryl Lynn.
Why don't you just go to her?

- Yeah. Well, maybe I will.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- What are you gonna do?

EDDIE: I don't know. I'll do something.
MOTHER: You can't do anything.

You're a loser. You'll always be a loser.

You couldn't even finish high school
because you were so stupid.

- So, what are you gonna do?
- I'll do something. I'll do it.

You know what? I'll go somewhere. I'll do something.

Maybe I'll run away where you can never find me.

Go ahead and fuck that little girl.

- What do you think you're doing?
- I'm getting my stuff.

MOTHER: You think that's your stuff?
That's not your stuff. You didn't pay for it.

That is not your stuff
because you didn't pay for it, stupid!

None of this is yours! This...

You leave here,
you leave with what you've got!

Nothing! Nothing!

You understand me?
You want to treat me like this?

- This is what happens, okay?
EDDIE: I didn't do anything.

MOTHER: You want to live that way?
Fuck that little whore!

You think you're gonna be this?
You think you're gonna be this?

Goddamn poster!

Don't do that! Don't do that!
Why are you doing that?

MOTHER: You're not gonna be shit
because you're too stupid!

- I'm not stupid!
- Yes, you are!

Please, please. Don't fucking do that.
Please don't be mean to me.

I'm not being mean to you.
You're just too stupid to see it.

You don't know what I can do,
what I'm gonna do, or what I'm gonna be.

You don't know. I'm good.
I have good things you don't know about.

I'm gonna be something! I am!

- Don't fucking tell me I'm not!
- You can't do anything.

You don't be mean to me!
And you don't talk to me! No!

MOTHER:
Fuck.

Eddie Adams from Torrance.

I knew you'd make it.

- You take the bus the whole way here?
- Yeah. It wasn't bad, though.

- How are you?
JACK: Oh, great.

I got some people I want you to meet.

JACK: Do you like music?
EDDIE: I love music.

JACK: What kind?
- All kinds of music. Rock, jazz, classical.

JACK: Oh, I want you to meet
a couple of great people.

- Buck and Becky.
EDDIE: Hi. I'm Eddie. Eddie Adams.

BUCK: Buck Swope. Nice to meet you.
- Our new fella.

- Becky Barnett.
- It's nice to meet you.

Oh, this is the new fella?

JACK: Oh, ho.
BUCK: Oh, ho.

JACK: Is that a faccia?
- That is a faccia.

- I didn't know you'd be so precious.
- Faccia's "face," right?

- That's right.
- Yeah.

[LAUGHS]

EDDIE: Nice to meet you, guys.
- All right.

- Great people.
- Oh, yeah.

He's one hell of an actor.

Hey, Reed. Reedo!

I want you to meet
the new boy on the street.

Eddie Adams.

EDDIE: Hi. I'm Eddie.
- Hi, Eddie. Reed Rothchild.

- I want you to stick around for a while.
- Sure.

- Make him something special.
- Aye, aye.

- So you live on the street?
- No, no.

Oh, I thought Jack just said you did.

- No.
- Hmm.

- Want a drink?
- Sure.

- Margarita?
- Great.

Wow.

Two, four, mm-hm, whatever.

[SIGHS]

- Can I ask you something?
- Uh-huh.

- Do you work out?
- Yeah.

Yeah. You look like it.
What do you squat?

- About two.
- Super, super.

What about you?

[LOUDLY]
What do you squat?

- Three-fifty.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Wow.

- No B.S.
- That's a lot.

- Where do you work out?
- In Torrance, where I live.

Cool. Cool.

Hey, you ever go to Vince's out here?
Oh, no. I would have seen you.

- I'm there every day.
- I've always wanted to work out at Vince's.

Cool. Here. Taste that.

- Ahem, rock 'n' roll.
- Right?

- Did you ever see that movie Star Wars?
- Oh, about four times.

- People tell me I look like Han Solo.
- Really?

What do you bench?

You tell first.

I asked you first.

Same time.

Cool.

- Are you ready?
- Ready.

[IN UNISON]
One, two, three....

- You didn't say anything.
- Oh, neither did you.

Hey, guys. Look at me.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[COLONEL GRUNTS]

Thank you, Johnny.
My dear, it's party time.

Oh, do you look lovely. Mm.

- Hello, Colonel. How are you?
COLONEL: Oh, hello, Jack. Ha-ha-ha.

Hi. This is my lady friend.

Darling, I'd like you to meet Jack Horner,
the finest director in the business.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Do you have any coke at this party?

Oh, gosh, I'm sure they can
find some somewhere. Ha, ha.

- Great.
JACK: You're no bigger than a minute?

WOMAN:
Uh-uh. Ha, ha.

COLONEL: Shy as a butterfly.
JACK: I'll bet.

BUCK: He has every right to tell me
how to sell stereos. It's his store, I'll listen.

He does not have the right
to tell me how to dress.

Where's he get off
telling me how to dress, huh?

- It's old. It's just plain old.
- No, wait. Let me tell you...

He was obviously pissed off
about the music.

- What's wrong with it?
- The cowboy look ended about six years ago.

- It's coming back though, Becky.
- No, it's not. It's over. It's dead, okay?

I don't think you know
what you're talking about.

I do know what I'm talking about.

Your bosses at the stereo store
are saying the same thing.

- What? What?
- You have to get a new look.

What? You get a new look.

I have a look, okay?
The look I have is just fine.

- What's your look?
- Chocolate love, all right?

- Oh, take a pill. - One hundred percent.
- Take a pill.

You don't have to lash out.
I'm trying to be your friend.

- Okay, Becky. Drop it.
- I tried opening up a club there, you know?

But you see, Miss Amber, I'm just this
poor fellow from Puerto Rico, you know?

I got this club here, that's one thing.

But soon that goes, I die,
then what do I have? I got nothing.

AMBER:
Mm-hm.

You know, I want something
I can send home, you know?

Something I can send to my brothers
and say, "Look at me.

Look at me and all the beautiful women
I've been with."

So what? You want me to talk to Jack?

Yeah. I mean, you know.
I mean, what am I asking you here?

Honey, Amber, baby, please, talk to Jack.

Tell him I can do this.
Tell him I won't be bad.

- So you wanna be in a movie?
- Baby, please.

- I'll see what I can do.
- Would you, love?

Thank you very much.

Thank you, mamita.

[AMBER CHUCKLES]

Maurice, can I talk to you?
I need to talk to you now.

MAURICE: Now?
BUCK: Yeah. We gotta go in here.

WOMAN: Excuse me.
- Hi.

WOMAN:
Can I join in?

Most certainly.

MAURICE: Your cowboy...? That's not dead.
BUCK: Then what is Becky talking about?

MAURICE: She's got something up her ass.
BUCK: Fuck that shit.

Bitch.

- Do a cannonball.
EDDIE: No, no. Watch this jackknife.

EDDIE: Did it look cool?
- That was pretty good.

Let me show you what you did wrong.

Full flip.

[SIGHS]

ALL:
Whoa.

Ow.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

Hey, you gotta bring your legs
all the way around.

I know. I know.

- Hey, hey, hey. This is my point.
- What?

- Okay, you know what I say?
- What?

Wear what you dig.

[PHONE RINGING]

That's it. Just wear what you dig.

- That's what I said.
- Well, what's the problem?

- Should I get that?
- Yeah.

Hello? Uh-huh.

Uh, can you speak a little louder, please?

A who? A Ma...? A Maggie.
You know a Maggie?

- I don't know a Maggie.
- Uh, look, sorry. There's no Maggie here.

Your... Your mother. Oh, okay.
Just give me a sec.

Watch that for me, okay?

MAURICE: Uh, excuse me, is Maggie here?
Maggie? Are you Maggie?

No? Do you know?
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie.

Do you know Maggie?

- Are you Maggie?
- No.

Oh, man. Can you believe this?

Hello? Yeah, listen.
I'm sorry, there's no Maggie here.

Okay. No, no. It's not a problem.
Okay. Ciao.

- Who was that?
- Oh, some kid looking for his mom.

[SNORTS]

- What the fuck are you doing?
- What's it look like they're doing?

That's my wife.

Shut up, Bill. You're embarrassing me.

Yeah, Little Bill. Shut up.

- Little Bill.
- Hey, Kurt. How's it going?

- What's wrong with you?
- Oh, my fucking wife, man.

She's down there,
some idiot's dick in her.

Everybody's standing around watching.
It's a fucking embarrassment.

Yeah, yeah. I know. Anyway, listen.

- Yeah.
- For the shoot, I wanna talk about the look.

- See about getting this new zoom lens.
- Right.

I was wondering if we'd be able
to look into getting more lights.

Jack wants a minimal thing.

Yeah, well, very often minimal means
a lot more photographically, I think...

- Well, I think than most people understand.
- I understand.

No, I know you understand.
I'm talking about some other people.

I think what Jack is talking about
is minimal.

Not really natural, but minimal.

- Okay, fine. Uh, I was just saying...
- I understand.

Yeah, because I'm trying
to give each picture its own look.

- Can we talk about this later?
- Oh, yeah.

You gotta go somewhere, or...?

Yeah. No. I mean, unh...

I was hoping for the shoot tomorrow...

...we could send Rocky down
and he could pick it up.

- Kurt.
- No, hey. Got you.

You gotta go somewhere,
so, hey, what the fuck?

It's only the photography of the film
we're talking about.

- Are you giving me shit, Kurt?
- No. Hey, no way, Little Bill.

My fucking wife has an ass in her cock
in the driveway, Kurt.

All right? I'm sorry if my thoughts
are not on the photography...

- ...of the film we're shooting tomorrow,
okay?! - Okay. No big deal. Sorry.

- All right?
- Gotcha.

COLONEL:
All right, where is it?

I think she's sick.

- Oh, what the fuck is this?
BART: I didn't do anything. I... I didn't...

- Is she breathing?
- I don't know.

- I think maybe she did too much coke.
- Oh do you think so, doctor?

- This girl's definitely OD'd.
- Oh, fuck me. Okay.

I want you to handle this for me, Johnny.

- You listening?
JOHNNY: Yeah.

Get her in the car, drive her to Saint Joe's.
Drop her off in the front. I don't want any...

JOHNNY: Got you.
COLONEL: Make sure no one sees the limo.

- Got it.
- What the fuck is this?

This is twice in two days
that a chick has OD'd on me.

You think maybe you ought to
think about getting some new shit?

BART: Yes, sir.
- Ah.

- Oh, shit. She's freaking out.
- Oh, see? Look at this.

With all this fucking conversation.
Come on. Come on.

- Please don't die.
- Hey, hey.

Come on!

- Back door, Johnny.
JOHNNY: You got it.

Fucking shit.

Get out of my way.

SCOTTY: Bart, is she all right?
JOHNNY: Shut the fuck up.

[SIGHS]

- Hey, Reed.
REED: Hey, Scotty J. How are you?

You know, you know. Ha, ha, who's this?

Eddie, this is Scotty J. He's a friend.
He works on some of the films.

- Nice to meet you.
- Oh, yeah. Me too.

Uh, you gonna be working, or...?

EDDIE: Um, maybe.
- Oh.

- Probably. Ha, ha.
SCOTTY: That's great. Ha, ha.

How'd you meet Jack? Because I work
on the films, you know, sometimes.

- So if you ever, yeah....
JACK: Hey, Eddie.

- Come here a second.
- That's the boy you told me about.

Uh, could you excuse me for a minute?

SCOTTY: Yeah.
- Very nice to meet you.

- Take care.
- Yeah.

- Hey.
- Eddie Adams, this is the Colonel.

- Hi.
COLONEL: How do you do, Eddie?

JACK:
Eddie is, uh, interested in film.

Oh. I can't give you much advice
that Jack probably doesn't know...

...but I can advise
that you think about your name.

My name. Yeah.

COLONEL: Like, think about some name
that makes you happy.

- Something with a little pizzazz, you know?
EDDIE: Sure.

You see, Eddie, the Colonel here,
he puts up all the money for our films.

It's an important part of the process.

- Oh. Great, great.
- I'm looking forward to seeing you in action.

- Jack says you got a great big cock.

May I see it?

EDDIE: Really?
- Please. Yeah.

EDDIE:
Okay.

- Well, thank you, Eddie.
EDDIE: No problem.

JACK: Thanks, Eddie.
EDDIE: Bye.

REED: You wanna hear a poem I wrote?
EDDIE: Yeah.

Okay.

I love you, you love me
Going down the sugar tree

We'll go down the sugar tree
And see lots of bees

Playing, playing

But the bees won't sting
Because you love me

- That's it.
- That's fucking great, man. Did you write that?

- Yeah. I write songs too. I'm still working...
JACK: How's it going, boys?

BOTH:
Hey, Jack.

JACK:
Having a good time?

Excellent time. Thank you, Jack.
It was a great party.

- The best.
- Ah, that's what Jackie's house is for.

To have a good time. Right?

- That's right.
- Coming in.

[JACK GRUNTS]

JACK: Woo-hoo. Ha, ha.
- Ha, ha.

JACK: Ah, how about a little bubbles?
REED: Oh, yeah.

[JACK GRUNTS]

- Excuse me, Jack.
JACK: Yeah?

I was thinking about what the Colonel
was saying, about my name.

JACK: Uh-huh.
- I was just wondering if you had any ideas.

I had some thoughts on it, yeah.
What about you? What do you think?

Well, my idea was...
You know, I just want a name...

I want it so it can cut glass,
you know, like razor-sharp.

Razor-sharp. Right.

Yeah, well, when I close my eyes,
I see this thing. It's like this big sign.

And the name is in,
like, bright-blue neon lights...

...with, like, purple outline.

And this name is just so bright and so sharp
that the sign, it just blows up...

...because the name is just so powerful.

It says, "Dirk Diggler."

I think... I think heaven has sent you here,
Dirk Diggler.

[REED LAUGHS]

I think the angels have blessed us all
because of you.

REED: You're Dirk. Ha, ha.
- Dirk Diggler, ha, ha.

REED:
Amen.

Talk to me, Kurt.

- Twenty to 30.
- Oy.

- I got a couple tough shadows to deal with.
- There's shadows in life, baby.

BILL: Jack.
JACK: Yo.

- You, uh, wanna go over this?
JACK: Okay.

Uh, the setup is... Okay, here we go.

Uh, "One, Amber talking to Becky.

They make the telephone call to the agents
to send over some actors.

Two, enter Reed to audition for Amber.
They go at it. Becky watches.

Three, Becky goes to the bathroom
to jack off.

She gets interrupted by Amber.
They go at it.

Four...."

Who's "Dirk...? Dirk Diggler?"

That's that new, good-looking kid.
Eddie at the club.

- Good name.
- Yeah.

Anyway, uh, "Enter Dirk. He meets Becky.
They go at it."

No, ugh. Change that, will you? Uh...
I want Eddie to be auditioning for Amber.

Got it.

- Darling, where are you going?
- Huh? I gotta go wash my vagina.

JACK: How long will you be?
BECKY: Two seconds.

You want it clean, don't you?

[WHISPERS]
I'm back now. I'm ready to start my...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- Come in.
- Hey.

- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Hi.
- Ha, ha. Hi.

Dirk. Dirk Diggler.

[SCOTTY LAUGHS]

- Scotty.
- Yeah, uh...

I'm supposed to come get you now
and tell you that they're all ready now.

- Okay.
- Yeah. Okay.

Do you think you could give me a minute?

Thanks.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[WHISPERS] I'm back now.
I'm ready to start my acting career.

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTS]

That's right.

[SIGHS]

EDDIE [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Hey.
- Hey.

- You look really good.
- Oh, thank you.

Ahem. And you look really sexy.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

- I like your name a lot.
- You do?

Yeah. It's really cool.

- Thanks.
- Yeah. Heh.

You'll be right down there.

Thanks. Hey.

JACK: Ho, how's my boy?
- Great.

- How you feeling?
- Let's do it.

Ha, ha. All right.

- Remember everything we talked about?
- Yeah.

Okay, now, you're gonna come through
the door, walk right over here...

...I'll... I'll say, uh, "Action, Eddie."
That'll be your cue, right?

You come through the door,
you walk over here to the desk...

...to Amber, and we shoot.

- Um, do we go right into the sex, or...?
KURT: I need some more fill.

- Is that all right?
KURT: Good.

- Is it okay with you?
KURT: That looks good.

- Amber?
- Good.

- Okay.
- Okay. You don't need a rehearsal?

No, it's okay. I can do it.

Okay, then we'll shoot the rehearsal.

- Great.
- All right.

- Um, could I ask you something, Jack?
- Sure.

[WHISPERS]
Um, I was wondering if you could, um...

...call me Dirk Diggler from now on.

- Absolutely.
- Great. Heh.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, no. It's...

- No, no. From now on.
- Thanks.

JACK:
Okay, let's get a good one.

- Do you wanna practice your lines with me?
- No, I know it.

- You look great, honey.
- Thanks.

Um, does he want me to keep going
until I cum?

- Yeah. You just cum when you're ready.
- Okay. Well, where should I do it?

Where do you want?

Wherever you tell me.

Well, cum on my tits if you can, okay?

Just pull it out and do it on my stomach
and my tits if you can.

Yeah. No problem.

[EDDIE SIGHS]

AMBER:
Are you all right, honey?

Oh, this is great. I'm fine.
I just wanna do good.

- I just want it to be really good.
- Mm-hm.

I was wondering, is it okay if I really try
to make it look sexy? Would that be okay?

- Okay.
- Great.

[SIGHS]

- You ready?
- Yeah.

Make your entrance through this door.
He'll call, "Action." That's your cue.

- You got the lines for the scene?
- Uh-huh.

If you drop one, just call for it,
but do not stop, okay?

Do not stop. You want some water?

- No, I'm fine. Thanks.
- Okay. You're gonna do fine.

Roll it, Scotty.

SCOTTY:
Speed. Ahem.

KURT: Sticks.
SCOTTY: Marker.

[CLAPBOARD CLAPS]

JACK: Yeah?
BILL: Camera's set.

- We're ready, chief.
JACK: Okay.

And...

...action, Dirk.

Hello. Are you John?

Yes, ma'am.

Your agency recommends you very highly.

Well, I'm a really hard worker, and if
you give me a job, I won't disappoint you.

- What special skills do you have?
- Well, I just got...

I've been in the Marines for three years.
I just got back from a tour of duty.

- You're kidding.
- No, I'm not.

And it got really hard being surrounded
by all those guys all day.

How long has it been
since you've had a woman?

- A long time.
- That's terrible.

But now I'm back,
and I'm ready to pursue my acting career.

Well, as you may or may not know,
this is an important film for me.

If it's not a hit,
I'm gonna get kicked out of my apartment.

- My landlord's a real jerk.
- Really?

Why don't you take your pants off?
It's important I get an idea of your size.

No problem.

KURT:
Oh.

[GASPS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

I think that you have the job,
but why don't I make sure of something?

This is a giant cock.

[BOTH MOANING]

[WHISPERS]
We've rolled out.

Uh, we gotta change mags.

Do it quickly.

BILL: Kids.
- Is everything cool?

It's going great.
We just gotta change the angle.

Does it...? Does it look sexy?

- Oh, it's great.
- You're doing so good, Dirk.

- Does it feel good?
- Yep.

Okay?

Roll sound, Scotty.

SCOTTY:
Speed.

JACK:
Quiet. Sticks.

SCOTTY:
Marker.

BILL:
We're back.

Action, kids.

- [WHISPERS] We're gonna go down now.
- Okay.

- No. No, first... Down again.
- Okay.

[BOTH MOANING]

John, you're a wonderful actor.

Oh, John.

AMBER: Oh, John.
- Yeah.

John, you're a wonderful actor.

- You're amazing.
- Oh, you feel so good, Amber.

- Are you ready to cum?
- Yeah.

- Cum in me.
- What?

Don't worry. I'm fixed.
I want you to cum in me.

- Okay. Yeah.
- Yeah?

Okay.

[BOTH MOANING]

Oh, God, yeah.

Wonderful.

- Cut. Terrific. Nice work. Nice work.
SCOTTY: All right.

Congratulations.
That was great, wasn't it?

- Wasn't that sexy?
REED: Rock 'n' roll.

BILL: That was something.
REED: Really good.

BILL:
It looked great. Very sexy.

REED: Doesn't he fuck like a champ?
EDDIE: Was it sexy?

REED: You rocked.
EDDIE: Thanks.

KURT: Hey, the camera loves you.
BILL: We didn't get the cumshot.

JACK: What?
BILL: We missed the cumshot.

He came inside of her.

Maybe we could,
like, go to stock footage or...

Are you crazy? It won't match.

- Well...
EDDIE: Jack.

JACK: Hmm?
- I could do it again if you need a close-up.

[KC & THE SUNSHINE BAND'S
"BOOGIE SHOES" PLAYING]

JACK: Here we go.
MAN: Here we go.

ROLLERGIRL:
Okay, everyone say, "Dirk."

ALL:
Dirk.

[ROLLERGIRL LAUGHS]

These are real wood.

No, these. These are the ones.
These are great.

Yeah. Those are really cool.
Are they lizard?

No. They're Italian.
I'm gonna fucking buy these.

Guys.

It's funny you say that
because we should be in a band, you know?

EDDIE: Like my shoes?
ROLLERGIRL: They're pretty cool.

EDDIE: I got them with Reed and Scotty.
They're cool, huh?

ROLLERGIRL: Yeah.
EDDIE: You know, embossed leather...

...with this patchwork,
reptilian-pattern design.

- Cool.
- Can we have some hot sauce here?

- Oh, hi, Scotty.
- Hi, Scotty.

- Come on, sit down and help yourself.
SCOTTY: Oh, thanks.

Say hello to Jaime Lynn.

- Scotty, this is Jaime Lynn.
- I was thinking about the...

Scotty, Jaime Lynn.
Say hello to Jaime Lynn.

WOMAN: You're a Leo, huh?
RAYMOND: That's right.

- Hey, my girlfriend wants to meet you.
- Is that right?

- This is Raymond.
- How do you do? What's your name?

- Becky Barnett.
- Excuse me?

Becky Barnett.

- Raymond's a Leo.
- I knew it. I knew it.

RAYMOND: What's your sign?
- I'm a Pisces.

RAYMOND:
What? I can't deal with no Pisces.

- That shirt's pretty sexy too.
- Well, yeah.

Well, this is, um, like,
imported Italian nylon...

...and, uh, it's like a special-edition,
limited silk print...

...and it was done by this really famous,
um, design artist from Italy.

REED: Pick a card, man.

What's up, baby? I love you.
Picture later, baby.

What table's that going to?
Four? Five, Jose. Five.

What's happening, my man?
You alive, man. I thought you were dead.

- Yo, what's up, people?
REED: Rise from the deck.

Oh.

- Damn, that's...
- Two of diamonds, right?

- That's my card. That is incredible.
- Right.

But doesn't it make you nervous when
you're dealing with all those evil forces?

Horses? What?

No. The evil forces.

Evil? No, man. It's not evil.
It's an illusion.

- It's an illusion.
- Yeah. Yeah, it's confusing.

Thank you.

JACK: Listen up, kid. Listen up.

I'm gonna try and do this all in one shot,
know what I mean?

So we start like this,
and then you roll her over, Dirk.

Rollergirl, you roll right over with him.

Try to give me every single position.
Is that possible?

EDDIE: Well, if she...
Rollergirl, if you wrap your leg around...

No, the other one, the left one.

Around and over. Good.
See, we can go right into doggy style.

JACK:
Perfect.

Is the movement on a waterbed
gonna be a problem?

No, not at all, Kurt.
I mean, I dig it. It's great.

- Okay, can we do this?
- Yeah.

All right, everybody, here we go.

- This is gonna be great. Jack.
JACK: Yeah?

Do you want me
to use a Spanish accent?

"Jack Horner has found something special
in newcomer Dirk Diggler.

It's another stellar sexual standout
from Horner and Company.

Diggler delivers a performance
worth a thousand hard-ons.

His presence when dressed is powerful
and demanding.

JACK & AMBER:
When stripped to the bone...

...Diggler's more eruptive than a volcano
on a bad day.

AMBER: Amber Waves' ripe cherry lips
do a wonderful job...

...of handling Diggler's wide load.

REED & AMBER:
And Reed Rothchild's stiff biceps...

...do a slapping good job
with Becky Barnett's supple ass.

EDDIE: But it's Diggler that
remains the standout in this film.

It's easy to predict
that after only two films...

...that Diggler's suck-cess
can only grow and grow and grow...

ALL:
...and grow and grow and grow...

...and grow and grow and grow."

[THE COMMODORES' "MACHINE GUN"
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

- What else?
- Well, that's it for now.

I mean, look at the character
Holmes came up with, for instance.

- And look, I just....
- Tell me.

I don't like seeing women treated that way.
This guy he plays, Johnny Wadd...

It's always about slapping some girl around
or whatever. It's not right. It's not cool.

It's just not sexy. I mean,
it's not sexy like it should be, Jack.

This guy's more of like
a James Bond-type character.

You know, he's classy.
He's a world-traveled guy.

- I like that.
EDDIE: Reed could play my partner.

- I like that a lot.
- We could make it really good, Jack.

Honestly, if you direct it,
we make a whole series with a whole story.

I mean, it's exactly
what we've always talked about.

REED: Please?

When we get back, set up the typewriter.

We'll see what comes out of it.

But I have to talk to the Colonel
when we get to Vegas.

And, Dirk, you gotta
work on the Colonel too, Dirk.

I mean, you gotta be committed.

Right, right. Jack,
I'll do whatever I have to do.

Does this character have a name?

His name is Brock Landers.

His partner's name is Chest Rockwell.

[LAUGHS]

Those are great names.

And the award for best newcomer
goes to....

Yes. My baby boy. Dirk Diggler.
Whoo.

And the award for best cock goes to....

Here we go again. Dirk Diggler.

The award for best actor goes to.... Aah!

I've seen all his movies,
and I can't wait to work with him.

Mr. Dirk Diggler.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Wow.

- I don't know what to say.
MAN: Come on, say it.

I guess...

Wow.

I guess the only thing I can say...

...is I'll promise to keep rocking 'n' rolling
and making better films.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

EDDIE: You know, it seems we make
these movies and sometimes, you know...

...they're considered filthy or something
by some people...

...but I don't think that's true.

These movies we make,
they can be better.

They can help. They really can.
I mean that.

We can always do better.

I'm gonna keep trying
if you guys keep trying.

Let's keep rocking 'n' rolling, man.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]

Yeah!

SCOTTY:
Marker.

Set.

Shot of tequila, straight up.

Yes, ma'am.

I've been in this place for 20 minutes
just to get a seat.

- Are you alone?
- Yeah. Just visiting L.A.

Some people told me
the food in here was really good.

Good? It's not good.

It's probably the best place to eat
in all of Los Angeles. It's excellent.

l certainly hope so.

l could die of starvation
before I get something in my mouth.

EDDIE:
Still hungry?

Starving.

- Why don't you feast on that?
JESSIE: Okay.

[JESSIE SIGHS]

Oh, it's true.

What's that?

You are Brock Landers.

REED:
Freeze! Don't make me chase you, Raphael!

MAN:Freeze!

We're almost there. Here's what I want.
I want you to trim the head.

Take that shot of Reed with the revolver,
just dump that, okay?

And switch the title card.

I want it to come flying right out
of the screen, right at the audience.

- Nice. Piece of cake.
- That's my guy.

REED: I told him,
"This is a special party for Scotty J.

I want your lightest,
bubbliest champagne."

So this is what he gave me.

I want you take a little sip
and tell me what you think.

This is supposed to be really good stuff.
Here. Take a sip.

[SCOTTY LAUGHS]

- Is that pretty light?
- Yeah, that is.

- Baby, it's beautiful.
- What do you think?

- It's great?
- Yeah.

- Look how spacious it is.
- Yeah. Look, I like this too.

That's custom-made.
That's real imported Italian leather.

- This color is very unusual.
- Watch this.

AMBER: What's that?
EDDIE: My initials.

AMBER: Oh, that's so imaginative.
How'd you think of that?

I was just thinking of my name one day
and dreamt it up.

- Hi, Dirk.
- How are you?

- I'm almost finished.
EDDIE: Looks great.

JESSIE: I used a little poetic license
to capture your essence.

AMBER: Show me the rest of the house?
- Looks great.

Yeah, it's good for conversation, huh?

Yeah. Jessie did that oil painting as well
and Buck is still installing the stereo.

- That's a beanbag.
AMBER: You're kidding.

And that lamp, those are real sterling silver.
Yeah, they have a very modern feel too.

This could be the place
you could have conversations.

- You ready?
- What is this? Yeah.

EDDIE: Ta-da.
AMBER: Oh.

- This is my dojo.
- It's all Asian. You have an Asian room.

EDDIE: Yeah. It has that whole karate feel.
- Nice. It's very comfortable.

EDDIE: Yeah. A lot of ancient China.
- That's really good.

EDDIE:
I have my statues for my best-actor awards.

AMBER: You have a place
to keep your awards. I'm glad.

EDDIE:
Look up there.

AMBER:
Oh, that's handy.

EDDIE: Can you see yourself?
- Yeah.

EDDIE: That's great, huh?
- That's nice.

EDDIE: Ta-da.
- Oh.

EDDIE: My whole entire wardrobe.
- That's great.

It's all perfectly organized by color,
as well as designer.

You don't have to think about anything.
You just reach in and know right where it is.

- You're gonna love it.
- Yeah?

This is my favorite thing
in the whole world. Close your eyes.

- Okay, you ready?
- Yeah, baby.

- Isn't it beautiful?
- Oh, God. Heh.

This is it. This is the thing.

You deserve this, baby.

Isn't it great? This is the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen in my whole life.

- You wanna go for a ride?
- Oh, yeah. Heh.

EDDIE:
Let's do this thing. She rocks.

AMBER:
Whoo.

EDDIE: Yeah!
AMBER: Ha, ha.

EDDIE: Hold on.
AMBER: Ha, ha.

- You set us up, Chico.
- You wanna fuck with Raphael and Ringo...

...that's your business.
You don't fuck with Chest and Brock.

- No...
- You know what?

- No.
- You're not even worth it.

I gave you a chance.

I trusted him.

[EDDIE SIGHS]

Well, we almost solved the case.

At least the women are safe.

Let's go get some of that
Saturday-night beaver.

EDDIE:
No one fucks with Chest and Brock.

This is the best work we've ever done.

It's a real film, Jack.

- It feels good.
- You made it fly.

You know, this is the film...

...I want them to remember me by.

Thank you.

You know, as far as I'm concerned,
it's all about love, you know?

I mean, if you love someone,
how hard can the world be?

I mean, uh, people will come
and they will go, and so will problems...

...but ultimately, if you have got love
on your side, and it is just....

I mean,
it is just deep down in your soul...

...what's a problem gonna be
that takes your attention away from that?

Do you understand?

- I'm Becky Barnett.
- I'm Jerome.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too, Becky.

- So, what do you do?
- Oh, uh, I'm in the auto industry.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm a regional manager
over at Pep Boys.

Oh. Wow.

That's great. That's great.

You've got a really nice smile, Becky.

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you, heh, heh...

- ...Jerome. Ha, ha.
- Ha, ha.

- The Colonel.
- Excuse me.

Floyd Gondolli. Ha, ha.
Great you could make it. Great, great, great.

- How are you? You look happy.
- I'm fine.

- Meet boys, Tommy, Pete.
- Hi.

Meet girls, Cyndi, Angie.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- These are the next stars.
- Mm-hm.

- These are the real people in the world.
- Ah, ahem.

I think we ought to talk with Jack now.
Iron this out before we start the new year?

Let's do it.

JESSIE: What were you thinking? What
were you feeling? Did you do research?

- Hi, Amber.
- What are you talking about?

- Oh, nothing.
- You wanna come with me for a little while?

- Where?
- It's a surprise, surprise, surprise.

Yeah. Let's go. Excuse me, Jessie.

JESSIE: Hey, Buck.
- Hey, Jessie. How you doing?

JESSIE: You sitting alone?
- Yes.

REED: Todd Parker.
TODD: Rocking Reed Rothchild.

- Aw, you made it. Yeah. Woo-hoo.
- Yeah.

Amazing party, man.
Fucking chicks everywhere.

You bet. Courtesy of Jack Horner.
Thank you.

I wouldn't mind me having
a piece of that action right over there.

That's Michelle. I'll introduce you.

- Sure. Introduce her to my lap.
- Ha, ha. Did you get off work, man?

- I don't dance Sunday nights.
- Right.

- Whose 'Vette is that out in the driveway?
- Dirk.

- I'm so jealous of him.
- That shit's jamming.

It's dropped down low with a 350 cube,
3-and-a-quarter horsepower...

...4-speed, 4.10 gears,
10 coats of competition orange...

...hand-rubbed lacquer
with a dual-plane manifold.

Tsk, full fucking race cams. Whoa.

REED:
Yep.

I'm pretty happy with it, you know.

It's a great look for you, I think.

It's pretty original, you know, I think.

Right.

Heh. Take this off...

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Ha, ha.
- Yeah.

What were we talking about before?

- Um, oil painting?
- No.

- No... Yes. I mean, um, but I was saying...

Right, yeah.
I was saying that I love sunsets.

- But sunrises are better. Heh.
- Exactly. Ha, ha.

I thought I was the only one
who felt that way.

- No, I feel that way.
- Really?

Yes, really. Hey, have you ever heard
my stereo system?

- No.
- I'm gonna open my own business.

- Really?
- Yes. Yes. It's my dream.

Okay, it's hi-fi stereo equipment
at discount prices.

Yeah. It's called
Buck's Super Stereo World.

- That is a fucking great idea. Heh.
- Yeah.

You know, in the 80s,
that's when it's gonna happen for real.

- Really?
- Yes, really. The 1980s.

Wow.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I wanted you to give me a minute
so I could tell you how much I love you.

I mean, it's gonna be a new year and
we're gonna start things and do things...

...and I just wanted you to know
how much I care about you.

I really care about you, honey.

- You're my little baby.
- Thank you, Amber.

You're the best thing that's happened to me
since my son went off, and I just...

I love you, honey.

I love you too.

Fucking 1980, you know?

- Can you believe it?
- I can't.

I mean, it's like, the next thing you know
it's gonna be, like, 1990 and 2000.

- I mean, can you imagine?
- Hmm.

Goodbye, 1979. Hello, 1980.

Okay.

Make sure you snort it back real quick
and hard.

- Huh?
- Like this.

[SNORTS]

Okay.

[SNORTS]

- Ugh, it burns.
- It's good though, right?

- It's going in my throat.
- Hmm.

That's the drip. The drip's the best part.

- It tastes like aspirin.
- Here. Do one more in the other nostril.

- I need a drink of water, I think.
- Mm-mm.

One more, and then a drink of water.

[SNORTS]

[EDDIE SIGHS]

Do you think I look cool when I do it?

So let's talk about the future.

Let's talk about what video means
to this industry.

And let's talk about how all of us...
Not one of us.

How all of us are gonna profit.

I've been doing theater in San Francisco
and San Diego...

...about as long as
you've been doing stag and hard-core.

We're all familiar with your biography,
Floyd.

No one is doubting your credentials
or your history.

Then why the resistance?

I mean, this industry is gonna
be turned upside down soon enough.

- Why help it?
- Why not be prepared?

Colonel's got the money.
You got the talent, Jack.

I got the connection to the equipment
and the mail-order distribution.

Not to mention those kids out there
who are hot fuck action to the max, Jack.

This is the future.
Videotape tells the truth.

Wait a minute. You come into my house,
my party, to tell me about the future?

That the future is tape, videotape,
and not film?

That it's amateurs and not professionals?
I'm a filmmaker.

That's why I will never make a movie
on videotape.

And I'll tell you something else.

I will never, ever loan out
any of the actors...

- ...that I have under contract to you.
- Wait, wait, wait, Jack.

I'm not a complicated man. I like cinema.

In particular,
I like to see people fucking on film.

I don't wanna win an Oscar,
and I don't wanna reinvent the wheel.

I like simple pleasures like butter in my ass,
lollipops in my mouth.

That's just me.
That's just something that I enjoy.

Call me crazy, call me a pervert...

...but there's one little thing
that I wanna do in this life...

...and that is I wanna make
a dollar and a cent in this business.

Ahh, Jack, I'm not trying to hurt you.

I'm trying to help you
stay one step ahead of the game.

We're going in circles now.
We're in familiar territory.

The territory we're in is the future.

Not to mention the cost.

You know, if it looks like shit
and it sounds like shit...

...then it must be shit.

You're holding on too tight, Jack.
It doesn't have to look good.

Film is just too damn expensive.

And the theaters are already converting
to video projectors.

I haven't heard that.

Well, it's true.

Well....

[SIGHS]

Ten minutes before the new year.

I'd like to spend it with my friends.

We will or will not continue
this conversation.

- Hey, Dirk. Ha, ha.
- Hey, Scotty. What's up?

- Fucking New Year's, right?
- 1980.

- Oh, man, right. Did you see my new car?
- You got a new car?

- Yeah. Wanna see?
- Yeah.

All right, cool. It's out front.

Come on. It's out front.

Dirk. I want you to meet my friend Todd.
Todd Parker, Dirk Diggler.

- What's up? How are you?
- We finally meet.

- Yeah.
- No.

I was telling you about him before.
You remember. Todd Parker.

- He works at Party Boys Strip Club.
- Oh, cool. You're a dancer.

- Yeah, I got some moves.
- Dirk? Uh...

I'm sorry. You coming?
Or you wanna talk to these guys...?

Yeah, Scotty. I'll be around in a bit.
We can talk then?

- Okay.
- See you later, Reed.

- See you.
- All right.

Uh, when you get by, uh, the lights,
close your eyes.

- Okay?
- All right.

- All right, just follow my voice. All right?
- Yeah.

Here, here, here.

- Here, here, here.
- Where?

Keep coming. All right, open them.

This is it. Ha-ha-ha.

- It's cool.
- Yeah. You wanna get inside?

- When did you get this?
- Uh, yesterday.

Actually, I had it painted yesterday
so the paint might still be kind of sticky.

- This is great, man. Really great.
- You wanna go for a ride?

Wait, wait, wait. Fuck.
Hell, how much time is left?

- I'm sorry, Dirk.
- What the hell is the matter with you?

- Why did you do that, Scotty?
- Uh, you look at me sometimes.

- What?
- I wanted to know if you like me.

Well, of cour... Uh.
Yeah, I like you, Scotty.

- Can I kiss you? Please?
- Scotty, I don't...

- Can I kiss you on the mouth?
- No.

- Please let me.
- Scotty.

I'm really sorry. I didn't mean
to grab you like that or scare you.

- It's all right.
- Do you wanna kiss me?

- Scotty, wha...?
- No?

- What is the matter with you?
- Uh, forget it.

I'm really drunk. Really, I am. I'm just...
I'm out of my head.

I'm so wa... I'm really wasted. Really, Dirk.

- I'm really wasted. I'm crazy right now.
- I understand, man.

- I'm really crazy, you know?
- Do you wanna go back inside?

Uh...

- Do you like my car, Dirk?
- What?

- I mean...
- Yeah. Yeah.

Because I wanted to, you know...

I wanted to make sure
you thought it was cool...

...or else I was gonna take it back.

Oh.

- Yeah.
- It's great, Scotty.

Happy New Year.

- Happy New Year, Scotty.
- I love you. I really love you.

- I love you too, Scotty.
- Okay.

- All right, let's go back inside, okay?
- All right. All right.

Fucking idiot.

[WHIMPERING]
I'm a fucking idiot.

I'm a fucking idiot.

Fucking idiot. Fucking idiot. Fucking idiot.

MAURICE: Jackie. Jackie.
Two minutes, pops. Let's go, let's go.

Whoo!

Two. Two minutes. Two minutes.

BECKY:
Come on, Little Bill.

Okay. Becky, I'm...

REED:
Little Bill. Smile, man. Come here.

Right, ha, ha.

REED:
I'm so excited.

Little Bill, champagne?

- Aw, thanks. That's really nice of you.
- Happy New Year.

- To you too.
- Okay, man.

BUCK:
Get some champagne, dude.

BILL:
No, I'm sorry, I don't have any matches.

MAN 1 : I got it here, hold on.
WOMAN: Happy New Year.

Hey, Kurt, have you seen my wife?

No, no. Hey, they're doing
that countdown thing.

- Come on in, man.
BILL: Okay.

[WOMAN MOANING]

MAN 2:
Come on, say something. Make a toast.

ROLLERGIRL:
Hey, Little Bill, look at me.

[ALL CHEERING]

ALL:
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...

...four, three, two...

MAN 1 : What the fuck was that?
MAN 2: Where's Jack?

Where's Jack?

AMBER:
What about your character Brock Landers...

...and what some people might consider
violent attitudes towards women?

Violence? No. What...?

l mean, if there's a certain amount
of, you know, violence or action...

...in this series of films,
you know, that's the movie.

AMBER:
If Brock Landers is slick with a gun...

...he does so
only in the vein of good and right.

Brock protects the values
of the American ideal...

...and fights for causes that instill pride in
a society where morals are hard to come by.

- Who sent you? Who sent you?
- Get the fuck off me, asshole.

Lie still! Lie still
or I'll punch you in the goddamn face!

Get the fuck off.

I'll find out who sent you.

Amber, I live in this world.
l don't like violence any more than you do.

Violence is a bad thing.

But when you see violence in films, it's...
You know...

If movies, films, caused violence...

...we'd be able
to wipe out violence tomorrow.

Boom, no more films.
That's fine with me.

I'll find something else to do.
I'll fuck on my own time.

You know, I got other interests.
I'm a magician.

Um, and, you know, hopefully, that'll be
something that I focus on in the future.

Because you can't fuck forever.
I realize that. Anyway, violence...

...is something that plagues us
as a society.

EDDIE: Well, the fine line is
I'm playing a character.

You know, I mean, I'm Dirk Diggler.

Brock Landers
is a character that I'm playing.

I'm gonna ask you once more,
and I'm gonna ask you nice.

Where the fuck is Ringo, you bitch?

Fuck you.

JESSIE:
Oh!

- Uh, why do I love him?
AMBER: Yeah.

He's, uh... He's very special.

And, um, he can fuck hard
or he can fuck, like, really gently.

He's the best.

Uh, I think that's part of my reason
for doing this, you know?

I've gotten thousands
upon thousands of letters...

...you know, from people telling me:

"God, you've taught me this and
you've made our love life so much better."

And this isn't "Go out and have sex
with 10 million people."

And, you know, "How to get a girl off."
It's about how to get your wife off.

If only people
could have been doing this before...

...we could have saved
a million relationships.

You know, I've saved thousands.

Blocking, an idea or a movement.

Jack will put the final touches together
for what the camera needs for editing...

...but, you know, he allows me
to block my own sex scenes...

...and, you know, gives me the freedom
to develop the character and stuff like that.

God, ha, ha, I don't know any other,
you know, director...

...who would let an actor,
you know, do that, heh. You know?

Ha-ha-ha. I don't allow him
to block his own sex scenes.

It is. It's jealousy.

It's deceitfulness. It's vindictiveness.
It's all of that stuff, you know?

But, I mean, God, what can you expect
when you're on top, you know?

It's like Napoleon.
When he was the king...

...you know, people were constantly
trying to conquer him...

...you know, in the Roman Empire.

So it's history repeating itself
all over again.

To all the critics out there,
I know they're gonna be reviewing this...

...and I know
they're gonna try to knock me.

I just want them to know... Is it okay
if I say this into the camera, Amber?

Okay.

I only am who I am
because I was born that way.

I have a gift, and I am trying
to not be selfish about it, but to use it.

Okay? And if you wanna knock me for that,
it's your own problem, okay?

Jealousy will get you nowhere.

I'm gonna keep rocking on.

AMBER:
For Dirk Diggler...

...the future is something
to look forward to, not to fear.

He is a creative man of many interests:

Film, poetry, karate, music, and dance.

He is a man of passion and mystery.

He is a man of lust.

- It's my poem to you.
- It's good, Amber. It's really good.

You're like a director now.
So have you shown Jack yet?

No, just you. I wanted you to be the first.

- It's really good, Amber. Congratulations.
- Thanks.

- Thanks, baby.
- Wow.

Um, the only thing I was wondering is...

You might think about cutting that part
where Jack talks...

- About blocking the sex?
- Yeah.

That stuff about me
not being a black belt is not true.

Yeah. I can fix that.

- Ace of spades.
- How did it turn out?

[RINGS]

REED: Are you sure?
JACK: No.

REED: Shit.
- Hello?

REED: Hey, how was it, man?
- What?

REED:
Really? I bet. You're so good.

- Look, slow... Slow down. Slow down.
REED: You'll have to show it to me.

Guys, guys, guys.
Slow down, Colonel. Say again?

I'll be right there.

[SIGHS]

JACK:
So...?

Well, let me tell you, Jack, ha, ha.

I mean, I don't mean to laugh about it,
but she was 15 going on 150, believe me.

She was... You would never know it.
Never know.

I mean, I was fooled completely.
I mean, I've had a few of them.

Anyhow....

[SIGHS]

You do believe me, don't you, Jack?

Yeah, I believe you.

Anyway, so I take her home, Jack,
you know, and I got her there...

...and I tell her not to do so much coke...

...but she must have done 20 lines
of this stuff in, like, 5 minutes.

It's like a vacuum in her nose.
And there's only...

[MIMICS lNHALING]

Just going up like crazy.

Anyway, she's got all this stuff going up,
and the next thing you know, she started...

Something must have broken up there,
blood poured all over the place.

All over the sheets and everything.
Just...pouring out.

- Oh, Jack. Oh, God.
- All right.

You thought she was older.
You... You didn't do anything.

She was just at the... She was at your place.
You didn't do anything, right?

- Nothing.
- You didn't do anything?

- You know me. I didn't do a thing.
- You didn't do anything?

- No, I didn't do anything.
- All right, nothing.

But they, uh....

They found something at the house.

- What?
- There's something that's....

Jack, it's my fucking weakness, Jack.

It's just, they're so small,
and they're so cute and they're so adorable.

- I just can't help it when they're so cute...
- Jesus Christ.

No, no, Jack. Listen, listen.
I don't touch them, Jack.

I don't touch them in any way, honestly.
Jack, please.

All right.

[SIGHS]

Tsk. Well, now you think I'm an asshole.

[SIGHS]

Jack, let me tell you this.
I love you, Jack. I'm your friend.

There's one thing I want you to do, though.
Tell me...

Jack, come on.
Tell me that you're my friend.

Just tell me. Am I your friend? Am I...?

[LINE DISCONNECTS]

[MOUTHS]
Jack?

[JACK SIGHS]

Jack?

Jack, Jack, am I your friend?

Just tell me. Am I?
Just tell me, Jack. Am I your friend?

- I do.
- I do too.

MINISTER:
I now pronounce you man and wife.

MAURICE: Listen, I'm... I'm dying...

- I'm dying to do a movie with you.
AMBER: I know you are.

MAURICE: I mean,
it's such an important thing in my life.

AMBER: I spoke to Jack...

MAURICE: Oh, man. I just...

- I'll tell you what comes to mind.
- Yeah?

What comes to mind is
I am the ultimate Latin lover.

- I've never been to Las Vegas.
- There is no Latin lover like me, understand?

Once you get Maurice as the Latin lover....

BUCK:
Have you ever been to, um, Niagara Falls?

- I've been to Las Vegas.
- That is great. That's so great.

This is gonna be a great opportunity for me
to run the store my way.

- Just to get those guys off my back.
- Exactly.

MAN 2: Hello? Champagne.
- I'll run the store my way.

- You...? Are you guys moving to Bakersfield?
WOMAN: Did you find a house?

- Yeah.
- Soon?

MAN 3: I know... I once lived in Bakersfield.
- Yeah?

REED: Hey, guys, we're losing these two.
They're moving to Bakersfield.

- Did you like it there?
REED: Big promotion.

JACK: They look at the movies and say,
"Hell, I can do that."

JOHNNY: I can do it.
JACK: It's more complicated than that.

- It's a tough racket, actually.
- Right.

Hey, Dirk, you made it.

- Hey, Jack.
JACK: How you doing?

Good. Who's that?

Hi. I'm Johnny Doe.

You're Dirk Diggler.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

It's great to meet you.

Johnny's, uh, the new boy on the street.

He's interested in, uh, show business.

He's very tired.

And, uh, he's shy, you know?

So like I said, it's a tough...
It's a tough business.

You got a great kisser...

...but, you know, there's a lot of work
involved, a lot of people.

We all have to work our buns off.
Know what I mean?

I mean, it takes 15, 16 guys
just to do the lighting.

TODD: No, no, no. It's crystal, man.
You just wanna do bumps.

EDDIE: Shut up, man.
- All right.

Hey, you guys.

What?

- Just saying hey.
- Yeah, whatever.

TODD:
Oh, man.

- Oh!
- You all right?

- It's fucking getting me fucking high, man.
- Yeah. It's that carpet dope.

[SIGHS]

TODD: It's the kind of dope
they used to put carpet in.

You know, they'd mix it up in the bathtub
and while they were mixing it up...

...they'd drop in a hunk of carpet into it.

Ow!

It's a lot better than that pink shit,
I tell you. The pink shit's fucking weird.

They put fish scales in that shit.

[SIGHS]

Fuck.

You look good. You ready?

You ready?

Come on.

I am a star.
I'm a fucking rock 'n' roll star, man.

My cock can get hard. Come on. Fuck.

Please don't do this to me.
No, please. Come on.

I'm a star. I am...

Again. You ready?

I'm born ready.

Come on.

JACK: What?
MAN: It's just there's a thing there...

AMBER: No.
MAN: That'll work.

- Jack.
JACK: Yeah?

I'm ready to shoot.

- Uh, 20 minutes, huh?
- No. I'm ready now. It's gotta be now.

Twenty minutes, babe.

Fuck it. Hey, no. Hey, Jack.
I'm ready to shoot now.

My cock is ready. I wanna fuck. Let's go.

Twenty minutes.

- I wanna fuck. Who's it gonna be?
- What?

Who do you want to start fucking?
Me or him?

- What?
EDDIE: Shut up, okay?

- I didn't do anything to you.
- What? You're not even an actor.

- You got no business being here.
JACK: Knock this shit off.

- Yes, I am.
- No, no.

- I'm an actor. I'm a real fucking actor.
- Shut up.

- What?
JACK: Hey, come on.

JOHNNY: Shut up.
AMBER: No.

Stop this Mickey Mouse bullshit.
I want you to go in there.

I want you to cool off, okay?

Just cool off and we'll come back
and shoot the scene.

- I said, I'm ready to shoot.
- Not now.

I'm not gonna tell you again, Jack.

I'm not gonna shoot you
in the state you're in.

What do you mean, "state"?
State? State of California?

- I know where the fuck I am, Jack.
- Jesus Christ, you've been up for two days.

No, I haven't been up for two days.

Nevertheless,
you look like you haven't been to sleep.

So I ain't gonna shoot you this way
because you don't look good.

You know what?
You don't tell me anything, okay?

- Really?
- You're not the boss of me.

- Yes, I am.
- Oh, you're the king, huh?

- Yes!
- Don't you fucking touch me, man!

- Dirk, honey...
- No, no. No. You shut up too.

You're not the mother of me
and you're not my boss.

- You're not my fucking mom.
- Hey, man...

- Dirk, honey...
- I'll take you home.

No, no. I'm ready to shoot the scene.
I wanna shoot the scene. I'm fine.

I want you out of here.

- Look, it's over, okay? I'm done.
- Listen to me, kid. I want you...

- Don't you fucking call me a kid.
- What?

I'll fuck you up. You wanna see me
kick some ass? I know fucking karate.

- You're fucking fired! You are fired!
MAN 1 : Come on, come on.

- You're fired, you goddamn kid!
- What is that? What is that?

AMBER: Jack! Jack!
TODD: Jack, Jack, Jack.

No, no, no. You know what?
I'm the biggest star here, man.

That's the way it is.

I wanna fuck. It's my big dick.
So everybody get ready fucking now!

You know what? Here.
I don't need this shit.

You know, fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck all of you!

You're not my boss!
You're not the king of me!

I am the fucking king of Dirk!

You're nothing without me, Jack.
You're fucking nothing. Fuck this.

- I don't need this shit.
- Dirk, wait.

- Fuck this.
- I'm so sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna take care of this.
I'm gonna straighten him out.

NICK: Okay, Dirk, you ready?

Yeah. I was born ready, Nick.
Let's go, man.

- Dirk Diggler demo.
EDDIE: Keep the vocals up.

"You Got the Touch," take seven.

Excuse me, Reed.

Oh, heh. Oops.

[SINGING OFF- KEY]
You got the touch

You got the power

Yeah

After all is said and done

You never walk, you never run

You're a winner

You got the moves, you know the streets

Break the rules, take the heat

You're nobody's fool

You're at your best
When the goin' gets rough

You've been put to the test
But it's never enough

You got the touch

You think the bass
is taking away from the vocal?

No, not really. Maybe.
It sounds balanced to me.

It's definitely taking away from my vocal.

Just take the bass down
and bring up the vocals.

Okay, let's do it, Nick. You heard him.

You wanna take it from the top?

- Yeah, let's try it.
- Okay.

[SINGING OFF- KEY]
Heat will rock you

And heat will roll you

Baby, don't you know?

My heat will move your soul

BOTH:
Come on, come on, come on

Come on

Love me today

Love me tomorrow

All day, all night

You feel my heat

BOTH:
Feel, feel, feel, feel my heat

I think we should repeat that again.

BOTH:
Feel, feel, feel, feel, feel

Feel my heat

Yeah. That's definitely cool.

- Let's lay it down. Nick?
- You wanna lay it down?

Were we rolling on that rehearsal?

Is he gonna fuck me in the ass?

- Is that what you want?
WOMAN: It would be nice.

Fuck her in the ass.

Lock and load, Jack.

[AMBER SNORTS]

I was gonna take a pottery class
at Everywoman's Village.

- Oh, I wanna do that.
- Okay, we'll do that.

Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 3.

- I was thinking something.
- What?

I was gonna see about taking the GED.
Do you know what that is?

- Mm-hm, for high school, to graduate.
- It's because I never got my diploma.

I feel bad, you know, that, uh...
I think you were right about that.

You should do it, Rollergirl,
because you know what?

If you wanted to, you could do anything.

MAN: Mr. Swope.
- Yes. That's me. yes.

- You have your loan application?
- Yes, I do. Right there.

- Good. You wanna follow me?
- Yes, I do.

SCOTTY: Hey, Kurt, are we gonna
have any more coverage on this, or...?

No, no. We just keep shooting.
This is video.

We shoot and shoot,
and then we deal with it later.

All right, now, Summer,
I want you to take Skye's thong off.

That thong thing. Yeah, actually take it off.
That's good. And finger it.

Oh, that's good. Lick the thong. Yeah.

You know,
that's really good technically, but...

But it lacks passion.
I wanna see some passion here.

Yes, bitch!

[GUNFIRE]

Yeah, that's it.

Lick my balls.

Fuck me.

Who's your daddy, bitch?

You live. You live. Yes!

I'm back.

Perfect timing.

I'm back.

- What the fuck took you so long, man?
- Todd.

[SNORTS]

Fuck.

That's really what Buck's Super Stereo
World is all about. It's about the customer.

People wanna know
what they're getting into technically.

I have the specific
technical hi-fi background...

...to answer any question
somebody's gonna have.

I've been in sound equipment
long enough to know...

...what a guy wants
when he walks through that door.

That's the kind of personal touch
Buck's Super Stereo World's gonna have.

[ROLLERGIRL SNORTS]

I miss my two sons, you know.
I miss my little Andrew and... And my Dirk.

You know,
I always felt like Dirk was my baby.

My new baby.

- Don't you miss Dirk?
- Yeah.

He's so fucking talented, the bastard.
You know, I just...

I love him, Rollergirl.
I mean, I really love the stupid jerk, ha, ha.

I love you, Mom.

I want you to be my mom, Amber.
Are you my mom?

I'll just...
I'll ask you if you're my mom, okay?

And you say yes, okay?
Are you my mom?

Yes, honey.

- Ha.
- Yes. Yes.

BURT: Don't try...
- Hold on. Come on, come on, all right?

All we need is the tapes, Burt.

No. You don't get them until you pay.

EDDIE: In our situation,
that doesn't make any fucking sense!

Wait. We can't pay
the price of the demo tapes...

...unless we take the demo tapes
to the record company and get paid!

Hello? Exactly.

That's not an MP.
That's a YP. "Your problem."

Come up with the money
and I'll give you the tapes. That's it.

Okay, now you're talking above my head.
I don't know this industry jargon.

YP, MP. Whatever, okay?

All I know is that
I cannot get a record contract...

We cannot get a record contract
unless I take these tapes...

And granted,
the tapes themselves are your...

Are your busi... Are your...
You own them, okay?

But the magic that is on the tapes,
that fucking heart and soul...

...that we put into those tapes,
that is ours, and you don't own that.

Now, I need to take that magic
and get it to the record company.

They're waiting. We were supposed
to be there a half-hour ago.

We look like assholes right now, man.

[LAUGHING]

I don't wanna do this anymore, honey.
I can't. I just... Let's have fun now.

Let's just go and go and go,
because it's over.

There's too many things. Too many things.
Too many things. Too many things.

- Okay.
- Let's go walk.

- I don't wanna leave this room.
- Me either, ha, ha.

I love you, honey.

- I love you, Mom.
- Aah!

Let me explain to him in simple arithmetic.
One, two, three.

Because you don't fucking get it, Burt.
You give us the tapes.

We get the record contract. We come back
and give you your fucking money.

Have you heard the tapes?
Have you heard them?

We're guaranteed a record deal.
Our stuff is that good!

Okay, now I got it. I got it.
Now I understand.

I know you want it to happen,
but it's not gonna happen...

...because it's a Catch-22, and that's it.

What the fuck does that mean?
What is a Catch-22, Burt?

- Aah.
- Twenty-two, gentlemen. Think about it.

- You know what I'm thinking about, man?
- No, Dirk!

I'm thinking about
kicking some fucking ass in here!

Scotty, get him out of here.

Thanks a lot for backing us up too.
Real good.

REED:
Fuck.

- Mr. Swope.
BUCK: Yes.

We can't help you.

I have all the papers, though.
I mean, every... Everything's in order, yes?

Yes, yes, but we can't give you a loan.
I'm sorry.

- Why?
- I don't understand. Why?

Yeah, why can't you give me the loan?

Mr. Swope, you're a pornographer.

This bank is not in business
to support pornography.

Okay, I'm not a pornographer, though.
I'm an actor.

- I'm sorry.
- Please, please.

Now, this is a new business for me.

All right? It's a real thing that I wanna do.
It's a real thing that I can do. Please.

- I'm sorry.
- Well, we did everything right.

Okay, honey, it's okay.
Just wait a minute, wait a minute.

Now, let's just take a minute, okay?
Um....

Look, you have something to say.
I have something to say, all right?

So let's just talk, okay?

If there is something
that I didn't fill out correctly on this...

...or if there is something I left out,
or maybe you want me to write on there...

...just tell me what to write on there.
I'll write it on there.

I'm sorry.

You're not being fair. This isn't fair.

This financial institution
cannot endorse pornography.

Stop saying that!
Will you quit saying "pornography"?

- Why are you doing this to me?
- Please. Now, please. I'm sorry.

I'm an... I am an ac... I am an actor.

Come on.

[SNORTS]

- That guy wants that thing for the thing...
JACK: You fix it up.

JOHNNY [ON TV]:
Who's your daddy?

- How is it?
- What it is, what it is.

Yeah.

[PANTING]

Suck that cock, bitch.

[DOOR OPENS]

JUDGE: Hello. You must be Maggie.
- Yes.

- Kathleen O'Malley. I'm the judge.
- Yes.

- You have a lawyer with you?
- No, I don't.

I do not.

- Hello, judge.
- Morning, counselor.

[COUNSELOR SIGHS]

You've been divorced for six years?

Yes, since 1977.

And the agreement on the money settlement
has been taken care of?

COUNSELOR:
Yes.

So, what we're talking about then is coming
to an agreement on the custody of....

- Of "Andrew."
- Yes.

Oh, what was decided during the divorce?

Well, initially, uh,
Andrew was to go with his father...

...with a visitation with his mother...

...uh, from, uh,
Saturday noon to Sunday at 7...

...with his mother entitled to bring Andrew
to her house or any reasonable place.

- Was that the understanding?
- Yes.

Why wasn't that visiting privilege
honored, then?

EX-HUSBAND: It was for a while.
- I only saw him twice.

EX-HUSBAND:
It said "reasonable place."

I didn't think that a house of prostitution
and drugs and pornography was that.

JUDGE:
I'm sorry?

My wife is in the pornography business.

I didn't think that environment
was safe for my son.

AMBER: No, this is not right.
Um, my son was never exposed to drugs...

...or pornographic material
or any of those things.

My husband just assumed...

EX-HUSBAND:
I saw it with my own eye, Maggie.

JUDGE:
Did you register a complaint?

COUNSELOR: Uh, my client
didn't officially register, Your Honor.

But I think the circumstances call
for immediate action, uh...

...for the safety of the child.

The problem is, judge,
is that my ex-wife, ahem...

...she's a sick person, and she needs help.
She deals in sex and drugs for a living.

No, I don't do drugs.

COUNSELOR: Your Honor, she has been
in and out of trouble with the law...

...on several occasions
for this sort of thing.

No, no. No, not anymore. No.

JUDGE:
Have you ever been arrested?

Yes.

When was the last time you were arrested,
and, uh, what was the charge?

[SOBBING]

JACK: Okay, okay, okay,
let's get ready for this experiment.

Hi. Jack Horner here.

Uh, we're in the back of this beautiful
limousine in the back seat...

...riding along west on Sherman Way.

And beside me is a beautiful, talented,
gorgeous, young actress...

...from adult cinema, Miss Rollergirl.

Hi. Hello. Howdy.

Are you ready
to get on with this experiment?

- Ready. Ready like Freddy.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Yes. And we're, uh, going along,
like I said, west on Sherman Way...

...and this is called On the Lookout.

That's the name of this show.
On the lookout for a young stud...

...who maybe
will get in the back seat here...

...and get it on with Rollergirl.

Uh, and we're going to make
film history...

...right here on videotape.

JOE: Hello?
EDDIE: Hey.

JOE:
Waiting for someone?

EDDIE:
Yeah.

I'm waiting for somebody, but I'm not sure
if they're gonna show up, though.

JOE:
You wanna wait in the car?

EDDIE:
Cool.

[EDDIE SIGHS]

I'm Joe.

Dirk.

You know who I am?

No.

My name's Dirk Diggler.

No.

I mean, you're a guy.
I'm just helping you out.

Yeah.

What do you see here?

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I see a girl. Ha, ha.

JACK:
Ha, yeah. Well, you like what you see?

MAN: Um, yeah. Yeah, I do.
- Ha, ha, all right. Get in.

Get in and let's make film history.

So...

...what do you wanna do?

It's what you wanna do.

I wanna watch you.

I mean, I'm not gay. I just wanna....

Maybe you could jerk off a little,
and I could watch.

Maybe I'll join in later,
but for now, I just wanna watch.

Twenty bucks.

Ten's all I have.

JACK:
You go to school?

Um, yeah. Yeah, I do.

JACK:
Where do you go to school?

Um....

Is it okay if I don't tell you?

JACK:
Yeah. Yeah, that's cool.

Ahem.

JACK:
You recognize Rollergirl from her films?

Yep. Ha, ha, yeah. Yeah,
we watch her films a lot at my frat house.

- I go to, uh... I go to CSUN.
JACK: Wonderful.

MAN: Yeah, the fucking guys
will never believe this, ha, ha.

JACK: So, you know, we've done a whole
bunch of films together, Rollergirl and I.

Do you remember me?

ROLLERGIRL:
Ahem.

We went to school together.

Your name's Brandy, right?

Brandy? Brandy's your name, right?

No.

- I don't know what you're talking about.
MAN: Your name's not Brandy?

Well, ha... Okay.

JOE:
Maybe...? Maybe do it harder?

Faster. Do it a little faster.

JACK:
All right.

You're hiding her again.
Let's get on the other side. That's it.

Just nice and sexy, you know....

ROLLERGIRL:
Yeah.

JACK: Listen, pal, you gotta make it
a little more sexy, you know?

Don't just ram it in there like that.

This is not a hole in the wall, pal.
This is Rollergirl.

Faster.

Do it faster.

- Get your hand wet.
- Be quiet.

JACK: Can you be more sexy?
Like, uh, cinematically sexy.

Just don't ram it. Don't...

[ROLLERGIRL MOANING]

Be respectful. This is Rollergirl.

Are you listening to me, kid?

- Just let me do my thing. I know what...
- This is stupid, Jack.

JACK:
Okay, that's it. Hold it. Cut. Pull over.

Pull over.

I can't fucking believe this.
Jesus Christ, you gave me a hard-on, lady.

The least you could do
is jack me off or something.

What the fuck did you say?

I just said it's not that cool
to leave me with a hard-on, all right?

Fuck you.

I don't fucking believe this.

This is a fine life
you've made for yourself.

You really should be proud.

I mean, really.

- Fucker.
- Yeah, fuck you.

And your fucking films suck now anyway.

Come on.

[GASPS]

I can't. I can't get it hard, all right?
I just can't. I'm sorry.

[BRAKES SCREECH]

You just shouldn't
do this sort of thing, faggot.

MAN 1 :
Get out of the car, man!

Jack, Jesus. No, Jack. Jack.

Jack. Jack. Hey.

Jack. Jack.

MAN 1 :
Get him out of the fucking truck, man!

You shouldn't be coming down here.

ROCKY:
Jack. Jack. Jesus Christ.

- Come on, Jack. Jack.
DRIVER: You little fucker.

MAN 1 : You piece of shit. You faggot.
MAN 2: Fuck you.

MAN 3:
Faggot, you like that?

- Jack. Jack.
- Amateur fucker.

DRIVER:
Come on.

You don't ever disrespect me.

Fucker! You don't ever disrespect me,
you fucker!

- Motherfucker, look at you now, huh?
MAN 1 : That's what you get, faggot.

You think you can fuck?
You can't fuck me, you fucker!

You can't touch me!
You can't touch me, you fucker!

Stop it.

- You don't do this, donkey-dick. You don't.
- Unh!

Fucking faggot.

[COUGHS]

[MAN WHOOPS THEN LAUGHS]

- You don't ever disrespect me, you fucker!
DRIVER: Come on.

ROLLERGIRL:
You fucking piece of shit!

You fucking... Fucking die, you shithead!

- Okay.
- Okay.

- What do you want?
- I want an apple fritter, jelly...

...um, chocolate with sprinkles,
and, um, a bear claw too.

- A bear claw. Okay.
- Yeah. And hurry.

Hey, how's my little kung-fu fighter?

He's kicking ass inside my stomach.

- Ha, ha. See? That's a boy.
- Uh-huh.

Okay.

[BOTH MAKE KUNG- FU SOUNDS]

- Okay, be right back.
- Okay.

- Hey.
- Hey, what's up? Can I help you?

- Yeah. Uh, I'm gonna get a dozen.
- All right.

["O LITTLE TOWN OF BETHLEHEM"
PLAYING ON RADIO]

Let me get, uh, a couple bear claws.

- Two bear claws.
- Yeah.

A couple glazed.

Oh, apple fritter. No, no. Not that one.
The one in front of it.

- Yeah, that one. That one. That one.
- Okay.

Oh, yeah. Two chocolate.

Two chocolates.

Old-fashioned, yeah.
Give me two of those.

Two old-fashioned.

Oh, is this, uh...?
Did you do this for the Christmas?

- Yeah.
- Oh, that's cute.

Yeah, give me two of those
sprinkly Christmas things.

- Yeah.
- Christmas hoops.

That's great.

- Okay, uh, how many is that?
- That's 11 .

All right, motherfucker,
empty the cash register now. And hurry up.

BUCK: Jesus Christ.
- Shut the fuck up.

Hurry up with that shit.

No, no, no, motherfucker.
Empty the safe too, asshole.

And I ain't got all night.

- Don't even move.
- I'm not moving. I'm not moving.

ROBBER:
Shut up!

- Don't fucking move, man.
BUCK: I'm not... I'm not...

ROBBER:
Shut the fuck up.

Hey, don't... Don't do that. No, no, no.

No, no, no. You shut the fuck up.

Give me this sh...

[GUNFIRE]

[BUCK GASPING]

All right, this could be the thing.

Something to help us
score a little extra cash.

The guy's name is Rahad Jackson.
He's got more money than God.

He's got twice as much coke, crank,
and smack. All right?

This guy's gonna buy just about anything
anybody wants to sell him.

Just likes people hanging around
at his house partying, the whole thing.

EDDIE:
How do you know him?

He used to come to Party Boys a lot.
Mutrix introduced me.

EDDIE: How will we do it exactly?

TODD: It's gonna go down like this.
I'm gonna call him on the phone...

...and I'm gonna tell him
I got a half a key of quality stuff.

REED:
Do you have his phone number?

TODD: Yeah.
REED: Okay.

So I'm gonna call him on the phone.
I'm gonna give him a price.

EDDIE:
How much?

Well, it's half a key, man.
It's, like, 5000 bucks.

- You split that up three ways....
EDDIE: It's enough to get the 'Vette fixed.

TODD: That's right, man.
So we're gonna do the deal.

We're gonna drop
half a key of baking soda into a bag.

We're gonna walk over there.
We're gonna...

[TODD CHUCKLES THEN CLAPS]

Boom. Right there.

- This could be a nifty bit of hustle-bustle.
REED: Wait. Do you have his address?

TODD: Fucking, Reed, yeah.
I got his fucking address.

What? Yeah, okay, question. Sorry.

Hold on. What if he tests the stuff out?

TODD: He won't.
- Well, how do you know that?

TODD:
Because I know he won't. I'm positive.

You guys should be careful.

EDDIE: Scotty.
- What?

What do you mean, "What?"

Do me a favor. Just mind your business,
please. What the fuck?

SCOTTY:
Sorry.

Anyway, heh....

TODD:
Dump it in there good. Dump it in clean.

TODD: Hey, hey, hey,
you can't lay this all on me, man.

We're gonna go in there... This is it.

Fine.

[TODD SIGHS]

You guys ready for this?

- I am.
- Dirk?

- Me? Yeah, yeah. I was born ready, man.
- All right.

[GUN COCKS]

- What the fuck is that?
- It's a big gun.

- No shit, but why?
- Just in case.

EDDIE:
Shit.

REED:
Fucking great.

- You never said anything about a gun.
TODD: Shh.

Now I'm nervous. Do you have a gun?

- No, I don't have a gun. He never said...
- Shh. Relax.

- Let's just get in and out, all right? In, out.
- Not too fast. It makes it look suspicious.

Goddamn it.

You all right?

- Just let me do all the talking, all right?
- Just be cool.

[TODD SIGHS]

[TODD PANTING]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[TODD SIGHS]

How you doing? Come on in.

Whoa.

- Hey, man.
BODYGUARD: Hello, come on in.

Hey.

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

[NIGHT RANGER'S "SlSTER CHRISTIAN"
PLAYING ON STEREO]

TODD:
Hey, Rahad.

Hello, friends.

- Hey.
RAHAD: Which one is Todd?

Yeah, that's me. Ha, ha.
We met before, down at Party Boys.

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on in. Come on in.

TODD: Uh, these are my friends here.
Dirk and Reed.

RAHAD: Good to see you.
Take a seat. You want something to drink?

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

- Want a pill? Coke? Little dope?
EDDIE: No.

- Uh, you sure you don't want something?
REED: No, thank you. No.

So got something? Huh?

We got something here?

Here it is.
That's about half a key right there.

[TODD CHUCKLES]

- All right.
TODD: That is some quality shit.

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

- If you wanna test that out...
- Don't worry about him.

- ...I mean, go ahead. If you want.
- No, no, no. Wait.

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

Here's that build-up. I love this part.

Fucking love that song.

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

So anyway, uh, what's the price?

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

[LAUGHING]

Well, ha-ha-ha, we, ha-ha-ha....

Maybe, I don't know, 5 grand.

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

- Five grand.
TODD: Yeah.

All right. No problem. That's cool.

BODYGUARD:
Five grand?

Five grand.

TODD:
Okay.

You guys wanna play baseball?

- No, thank you.
- No.

The black guy has a gun in his jacket.
Todd?

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

[WHISPERS]
Let's get up and get the fuck out of here.

Todd, count the fucking money in the car.

Hey, you wanna see something
really fascinating?

- Check it out.
- Oh, wow. That's sweet.

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

REED: That thing's not loaded, is it?
- Not yet.

TODD: Is that silver?
REED: Look... See, we...

- Let's see what happens now, huh?
REED: Don't point...

- Could you not point the gun, please, sir?
RAHAD: Ha-ha-ha.

- Todd.
- You wanna watch.

[RAHAD LAUGHING]

- Why? You think I can't do it?
REED: No, wait, wait.

- Huh? Ha-ha-ha. You think I can't do it?
REED: Sir?

- You wanna see me do it? You dare me?
- No, we don't dare you.

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

Fucking dare me.

[LAUGHING]

Thank you, thank you.

Your fucking faces, man.

What the fuck?

Hey, I love this thing. I make these
little mix tapes together, you know?

I put all my favorite songs together.
Which one is this? Number, uh, #11. I love it.

You know, when you buy a tape
or something or an album...

...you put it on, and the songs,
the bands put them in some fucking order...

...like they want you to listen to it
in that order. I hate that. Fucking hate that.

I don't like to be told what to listen to,
when to listen to it, or anything.

[MUSIC STOPS]

Fuck.

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

It's Cosmo. He's Chinese.

That's why he likes
lighting off firecrackers. Huh?

[RAHAD LAUGHS]

[RICK SPRINGFIELD'S "JESSIE'S GIRL"
PLAYING ON STEREO]

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

...Jessie's got himself a girl
and I wanna make her mine.

Ricky Springfield. He's a buddy of mine.

[FIRECRACKER EXPLODES]

Jessie's girl. I'm so jealous!
I wanna have Jessie's girl.

She should be with me.

Where can I have a woman like that?

REED:
Todd, we're leaving, man. Todd.

Let's go. All right?

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

We're leaving.

Sir. We gotta split, man. We gotta go.

Aw, come on. You just got here.
Let's hang out, let's party.

EDDIE: We got somewhere else to go.
We scheduled dinner with friends.

We're not leaving yet.

[EDDIE, REED & RAHAD
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

We're here now,
and we want something else from you.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

We want something else from you.

What?

Todd, what the hell are you doing, man?
Let's just go.

In the master bedroom...

...under the bed in a floor safe.

Understand?

- What the fuck is the matter with
you? Let's go! - Todd.

EDDIE: Come on, man.
- Shut up, Dirk.

I told you I got a plan.
I got a very good plan.

Are you kidding me, kitty?

TODD:
No, I'm not, see?

I'm not kidding.
I want what's in the safe.

We want what is in the goddamn safe,
in the goddamn master bedroom...

...in the fuckin' floor,
in a goddamn fuckin' floor safe, that's all.

Todd, don't be crazy, okay?

Sir, we don't know anything about this, okay?
This is not at all what we wanted.

Shut the fuck up, Dirk.
Do not reach for your gun, man.

Don't reach for your gun.

[GUNSHOT]

[TODD GROANING]

[GUNFIRE]

He went in the bedroom.

Todd, what the fuck are you doing?

- He went in the bedroom.
- Todd, when the fuck did you go crazy?

He's got coke, and he's got cash
in that safe in that bedroom...

...and if we leave here without it,
we're fucking idiots, man.

We came here
to motherfucking do something.

And we can fucking do it, all right?
You with me?

Todd, listen to me. Let's just split, man.
Let's just split now. This is not the thing.

This is not supposed to be the thing.

That's what I goddamn came here
to motherfucking do.

And that's what I'm gonna fucking do
right the fuck now.

Fuck no! Todd, don't!

- Don't be fucking stupid!
- Todd! Todd!

[GUNSHOT]

- Come on!
REED: Fuck! Go, man!

Come on, you puppies.

It's coming down for puppies!

[GUNSHOT]

Come on, come on, come on. Puppies!

No!

Oh, shit.

Come on!

Shit.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

Fucking son of a bitch. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

Fuck. Fucking stupid motherfucker.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

[EDDIE PANTING]

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Son of a bitch.

[JACK HUMMING]

Jack?

Jack, could you please help me?

I'm....

Uh....

[SIGHS AND SNIFFS]

[WHIMPERING] I just... I wanted to come
and say sorry, you know.

And, um....

[SNIFFS]

Well, I just wanna know
if you can help me, Jack.

I, um... I need help.

[SNIFFS]

And, um...

...I'm sorry, you know?

[SIGHS]

I need help, Jack.

[SNIFFS]

I'm so fucking sorry, Jack.

[EDDIE CRYING]

I'm sorry too, kid.

It's okay, baby.

- We all need to start again.
- [WHIMPERING] Yeah.

Okay.

Shh.

It's okay.

It's okay, baby.

Shh.

Yeah. You're all right, baby.

BUCK: One more. Let's go. Please. Eleven.
MAN: Eleven.

Yeah.

[EDDIE SNIFFS]

Did I hear someone say deal?

This weekend and this weekend only...

...Buck's Super Cool Stereo Store is making
super-cool deals on all name brands.

We're open. We're ready.

All you need to do is walk over,
get down, and come inside us.

Word.

Cut. Excellent.

Buck, honey, that was great.

TYRONE:
I said, shut up, Colonel.

[COLONEL GROANS]

Shut up, Colonel.

I said, shut up.

Cinco, cuatro, tres, dos, uno.

[MAURICE WHISTLES]

[ALL APPLAUDING]

MAURICE:
Wait, wait, wait. What happened there?

That's a Q. That's supposed to be a G.
Oh, man. No, no.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Go.

What the heck?

Naughty, naughty, Candy.

- Push.
- Okay, ready to push?

Okay, let's push. Let's push. Let's push.

[JESSIE GRUNTING]

Come on, baby. Come on, baby.
Go, go, go. Push, push, push.

Yes. Yes.

- God almighty, fucking Christ.
- We're almost there.

- No, don't cuss, sweetie.
DOCTOR: One big push for me, all right?

Big push for the doctor. Big push.
This is it. Big push. Push, push, push.

[JESSIE GRUNTING]

DOCTOR: I got it, I got it, yeah.
- He got it.

DOCTOR:
It's a boy. It's a boy.

[BUCK CHUCKLES]

JACK: No hurry, guys.
Just sometime this year, huh?

- Jack, should we put it in the garage?
JACK: Put it where I told you to put it.

Oh.

Maurice.

- You've got to turn a fan on.
MAURICE: It smells good, doesn't it?

No. It smells like shit.

MAURICE:
Oh, come on. This is Puerto Rican cooking.

Everybody's complaining
in the whole neighborhood.

This is what they're complaining about.
Taste this.

No, I can't taste it, not now.
I'll taste it later.

JACK:
Rollergirl, yoo-hoo.

Honey, honey. Listen to me.

Take the dirt on one side of your room
and move it to the other side.

- Okay.
- Then one side of the room will look clean...

...that used to look dirty.
That'll be good, huh?

Oh! Johnny Weissmuller.
That's my swimmer.

JESSIE: Say, "Hello, Uncle Jack."
- Five gold medals, look at that.

JESSIE: Say, "Hello, Uncle Jack."
JACK: Oh, look at him.

- You like Uncle Jack's pool?
JESSIE: Who is the Olympic-fever baby?

- Who's the Olympic-fever baby?
- Say, "Hi, Jack."

JESSIE: Say, "Hi. Hi."
- "Hi, Jack."

JESSIE: "Watch me kick."
- He's not gonna piss in the pool, is he?

- I don't think so.
REED: Do you like Uncle Reed? Yes, you do.

JESSIE: He is a good boy.
JACK: Yo, Buck.

I gotta talk to you about
the stereo modification for this system.

- No technical shit.
- No, no, no.

If you don't get the right modification
it's not gonna be loud.

Loud isn't what I want.
I don't want loud.

- I want....
BUCK: Mellow.

Mellow. That's what I want.

BUCK: Okay.
- Buck, I want mellow.

Mellow. Mellow.

Yeah.

Oh, great, honey. Great.

[WHISTLES]

Are we ready?

We have got all the time we want.

What are you looking at?

- I'm looking at you.
- You're staring.

You know what I'm staring at?

I'm staring at the foxiest bitch
in the whole world.

[SIGHS]

I've been around this block twice now.

I'm looking for something.

A clue.

I've been looking for clues,
and something led me back here.

Yep. So here I am.

Could have been me, the one that was
at Ringo's place when the shit went down.

Hey, I know how it is. I've been there.

We've all done bad things.

We've all had those guilty feelings
in our heart.

You wanna take your brain out of your head
and wash it and scrub it and make it clean.

Well, no.

[SIGHS]

But I'm gonna help you settle this.

First we're gonna check for holes,
see what we can find.

Then we're gonna get nice and wet
and you're gonna spread your legs.

Oh, that's good. So you know me.

You know my reputation.

Thirteen inches is a tough load.
I don't treat you gently.

That's right. I'm Brock Landers.

So I'm gonna be nice.

I'm gonna ask you one more time.

Where the fuck is Ringo?

I am a star.

I'm a star. I'm a star. I'm a star.

I am a big, bright, shining star.

That's right.

EDDIE:
I just....

l just wanna talk to you.

I just want....

Raphael.

Oh, shit.

Shit. Raphael.

Where is he?

Where's Ringo?

I know where it goes.