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1
00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:37,536
Alanis! Get out here. Big news!
2
00:00:37,763 --> 00:00:39,279
Hey, Judy.
What soothing yelling.
3
00:00:39,431 --> 00:00:41,373
You're never gonna
believe what rad thing
4
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,267
Kima and I are about to do.
5
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:44,857
Dang. Are we
getting in some trouble?
6
00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:47,028
- Is it cocaine?
- What? No.
7
00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:48,803
We are going to the...
8
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:52,551
Alaska Student Summit at
the State Capitol in Juneau!
9
00:00:52,702 --> 00:00:53,960
The A.S.S.?
10
00:00:54,113 --> 00:00:56,280
Heh. We're about to get
a...
11
00:00:56,298 --> 00:01:00,208
front-row seat to learn about
how our state legislature works.
12
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,393
Flying out in an hour, baby.
13
00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:03,062
And the conference
starts tomorrow.
14
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,124
Wow, you and Kima
do a lot of school trips.
15
00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:08,625
Excuse us
16
00:01:08,644 --> 00:01:11,236
for being good at school so
we can go to college, Alanis.
17
00:01:11,388 --> 00:01:12,718
We can't all have a
singing voice that defines
18
00:01:12,798 --> 00:01:13,906
an entire generation.
19
00:01:21,473 --> 00:01:24,399
You can't see it, but
I'm flipping you off.
20
00:01:25,144 --> 00:01:27,569
Love a hotel buffet.
21
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,813
Why does cereal taste
better from a tiny box?
22
00:01:29,906 --> 00:01:32,332
Cool. They
have the Dutiful Dairy
23
00:01:32,484 --> 00:01:34,593
cottage cheese brand
with the racist logo.
24
00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:38,305
Native women are not here
to serve you curded cheeses!
25
00:01:38,456 --> 00:01:40,841
- Who are you talking to?
- Almost everyone.
26
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:43,660
Morning, girls. Eat
up. This is all free.
27
00:01:43,679 --> 00:01:46,012
And I brought
plastic wrap from home!
28
00:01:46,165 --> 00:01:47,422
Thanks, Mr. Golovkin.
29
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,756
Keep on chaperoning, bro.
30
00:01:48,851 --> 00:01:51,426
All right, should we run
through our presentation?
31
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,503
Hey, is this seat
taken? No? Okay.
32
00:01:53,597 --> 00:01:55,930
Wow. No.
Gosh.
33
00:01:56,008 --> 00:01:58,967
Please sit, rebellious, strange
girl from a different school.
34
00:01:59,027 --> 00:02:00,285
- Cool hair.
- Thanks.
35
00:02:00,512 --> 00:02:02,117
I got in trouble for
getting colored streaks,
36
00:02:02,197 --> 00:02:04,790
but I'm like, "Keep your
laws off my hair, Mom."
37
00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:07,126
Have you guys
seen the schedule?
38
00:02:07,277 --> 00:02:08,443
We have to sit through a lecture
39
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,371
from Senator Bonnie
Bunch-Legg? Barf.
40
00:02:11,523 --> 00:02:13,298
Yeah, she's that
right-wing banana
41
00:02:13,450 --> 00:02:15,192
who always opposes Native stuff.
42
00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:16,951
My dad calls her
Bonnie Butt-Leg,
43
00:02:17,045 --> 00:02:18,879
which is pretty
harsh for Walter.
44
00:02:19,031 --> 00:02:20,714
So, which lectures
are you guys skipping?
45
00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:22,808
We're not allowed
to skip, right?
46
00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:24,201
Says who, the Man?
47
00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:25,385
Well, I mean...
48
00:02:25,537 --> 00:02:28,205
Yeah, this whole
thing, like, sucks,
49
00:02:28,223 --> 00:02:29,263
but at the end of the day,
50
00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:30,874
Judy and I are
actually reenacting
51
00:02:30,876 --> 00:02:34,319
Elizabeth Peratrovich's
big speech to the legislature.
52
00:02:34,471 --> 00:02:35,837
- Who?
- She was a very cool
53
00:02:35,839 --> 00:02:37,397
Native activist who told honkies
54
00:02:37,549 --> 00:02:39,158
to shove it way
back in the '40s.
55
00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:42,310
- By getting an actual law passed.
- She's Kima's idol.
56
00:02:42,404 --> 00:02:44,404
Well, her and Chucky
from Child's Play.
57
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,723
- I love his can-do spirit.
- Right.
58
00:02:46,816 --> 00:02:49,559
Well, if you want to,
like, actually have fun,
59
00:02:49,653 --> 00:02:51,411
I brought provisions.
60
00:02:51,563 --> 00:02:52,729
Ooh! Gummies.
61
00:02:52,748 --> 00:02:54,153
Kind
of you to share, ma'am.
62
00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:56,066
Um, I don't know
what that voice is,
63
00:02:56,201 --> 00:02:57,584
but it is kind of me.
64
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,070
'Cause these are
special gummies.
65
00:03:00,088 --> 00:03:01,254
You know what I mean, right?
66
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,848
- Kind.
- Totally.
67
00:03:03,075 --> 00:03:04,455
- I'm taking two.
- Three for me.
68
00:03:04,535 --> 00:03:06,593
they kick in quick.
69
00:03:06,762 --> 00:03:09,079
- What does?
- The, gummies?
70
00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:12,082
They're edible. Like, edibles.
71
00:03:12,175 --> 00:03:14,693
Good, 'cause
I just ate them. What?
72
00:03:16,772 --> 00:03:17,921
Okay.
73
00:03:18,014 --> 00:03:20,014
Wow, you guys really
are Goody Two-shoes,
74
00:03:20,108 --> 00:03:22,092
and I am now realizing
that you have no idea
75
00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:25,595
what just happened and I don't
want to get in trouble, so bye.
76
00:03:25,614 --> 00:03:27,948
We are not
Goody Two-shoes.
77
00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:29,374
In fact, you know what?
78
00:03:29,601 --> 00:03:31,543
I'm gonna take that
racist cottage cheese tub
79
00:03:31,695 --> 00:03:33,270
- and throw it away.
- Yeah.
80
00:03:33,288 --> 00:03:35,121
Yeah, and I'll steal...
81
00:03:35,274 --> 00:03:36,381
this hard-boiled egg.
82
00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,717
Man did the
hotel lady see us?
83
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,944
Run away. In a cool, edgy way.
84
00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:42,370
But run!
85
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:46,058
Okay, team, shall we
saddle up an early lunch
86
00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:47,706
- at The Hoagie Pony?
- Hell yeah.
87
00:03:52,382 --> 00:03:54,048
What are you on about, Bob Dope?
88
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,068
It's the jingle for
my signature sandwich,
89
00:03:56,295 --> 00:03:58,295
or as I call it, my siggy swich.
90
00:03:58,313 --> 00:04:00,072
The Wet Wolf. Served
at the Hoagie Pony
91
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:03,283
and named after
its creator: me, Wolf.
92
00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:06,060
It's a single slice
of Swiss cheese
93
00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:11,399
slathered with one
full cup each of mayo,
94
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,643
ketchup, mustard,
relish, hot sauce,
95
00:04:13,737 --> 00:04:16,162
and Thousand Island dressing.
96
00:04:17,816 --> 00:04:20,241
Everyone in the fam can't
get enough of the double-W.
97
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:21,668
Right, guys?
98
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,078
Yeah. Yum.
99
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:26,748
One time, Dad's accidentally
fell in the trash can
100
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,584
in his room, but I found
it and he loves it so much
101
00:04:29,678 --> 00:04:31,103
that he ate it anyway.
102
00:04:31,179 --> 00:04:34,014
Even I still cannot
believe that I did that.
103
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:35,682
Don't worry, Dad.
104
00:04:35,834 --> 00:04:38,001
Tonight, we'll order you
two Wee-Wos just in case.
105
00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:40,170
Babe, if you say
Wee-Wo one more time,
106
00:04:40,188 --> 00:04:41,671
Wee-Wo-n't be
married much longer.
107
00:04:44,601 --> 00:04:48,028
What in the Timothée
Chalamet's Dusty Dune?
108
00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:49,437
The Wet Wolf is gone?
109
00:04:49,531 --> 00:04:52,349
E-Excuse me, miss, what
happened to the Wet Wolf?
110
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:55,352
- We took it off the menu.
- But why? When?
111
00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:56,703
You got to ask my dad.
112
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,552
But he's not here. He's
getting his hair plugs removed.
113
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,616
He wanted bangs, but they
put in too many. He couldn't see.
114
00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:03,877
Well, I wish he could see this.
115
00:05:04,029 --> 00:05:06,138
Rise up, my Humid Hoagie Hive.
116
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,974
Wait, are we supposed
to be the hive?
117
00:05:09,051 --> 00:05:11,551
Yes, my Moist Militia.
118
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:12,886
That's also you.
119
00:05:13,038 --> 00:05:14,704
Are you
ordering anything or...
120
00:05:14,798 --> 00:05:18,391
Yes. I'll take one Salami
and Provo-Lone-Moose
121
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,135
- with Mayor Pepper sauce.
- Ham, no.
122
00:05:21,304 --> 00:05:22,321
Now we're storming out.
123
00:05:22,472 --> 00:05:24,990
Right. I will take it to go.
124
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,384
Whoa! Like, whoa.
125
00:05:27,402 --> 00:05:30,570
Wait, is that even a word? Whoa.
126
00:05:30,722 --> 00:05:32,556
Whoa? I feel weird.
127
00:05:32,574 --> 00:05:33,574
Like I'm floating.
128
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,668
And, like, this lamp is, like,
129
00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,395
looking at me.
130
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,174
Kima,
something weird is happening.
131
00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:44,158
I can't stop drying my hands.
132
00:05:44,236 --> 00:05:46,178
- Those hands?
- Yeah, these babies.
133
00:05:46,329 --> 00:05:48,738
I keep thinking
they're dry but it's like,
134
00:05:48,907 --> 00:05:50,740
"Nope, they are still wet."
135
00:05:50,759 --> 00:05:53,760
Well, Judy, I guess, just,
you know, like, keep at it,
136
00:05:53,912 --> 00:05:57,672
and, um, live, laugh, love
and dress for the job you want.
137
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,842
Yeah, great advice. I'm
gonna get back in there.
138
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,436
I forgot
to throw this away.
139
00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:05,197
Enjoy the bottom
of the trash can,
140
00:06:05,348 --> 00:06:06,865
offensive stereotype tub.
141
00:06:07,016 --> 00:06:09,517
Boop.
142
00:06:09,611 --> 00:06:12,095
- Hey! Kima.
- Um, hello?
143
00:06:12,188 --> 00:06:14,706
What the hell? Who said
that? Am I hearing voices?
144
00:06:14,858 --> 00:06:18,210
Yes, you're hearing my
voice. Down here in the trash.
145
00:06:18,437 --> 00:06:20,545
Please take me
out of here. It stinks.
146
00:06:20,697 --> 00:06:21,938
Thanks, honey.
147
00:06:22,031 --> 00:06:23,698
Hey, you're Native.
148
00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:25,867
Yes, Athabascan and Suqpiag.
149
00:06:25,961 --> 00:06:27,052
Cool. I'm Tlingit.
150
00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:28,628
Elizabeth Peratrovich.
151
00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:31,948
Wait, wait, wait. Like, my
hero Elizabeth Peratrovich?
152
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:34,134
- The very one.
- How did you end up
153
00:06:34,286 --> 00:06:36,377
- on a cottage cheese tub?
- Hell if I know, babe.
154
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:39,623
But you are friggin' lucky,
because I'm here to take
155
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:42,792
a Native gal on a
very special mission.
156
00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:45,570
For real? Am I hallucinating?
157
00:06:45,722 --> 00:06:47,631
Depends. Did you
accidentally eat something
158
00:06:47,649 --> 00:06:50,242
that could make you
hallucinate this morning?
159
00:06:50,469 --> 00:06:52,152
- No.
- You sure?
160
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:54,413
- Yeah.
- Okay, girl, if you're sure.
161
00:06:54,564 --> 00:06:56,486
Judy, I have news: a
cheese ghost is talking to me,
162
00:06:56,566 --> 00:06:58,825
and it's Native hero
Elizabeth Peratrovich,
163
00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:00,657
and she has a mission for us.
164
00:07:00,737 --> 00:07:04,172
Sounds extremely
reasonable. Let's friggin' go.
165
00:07:08,244 --> 00:07:10,762
Kima, please make this
white girl stop staring at me.
166
00:07:10,914 --> 00:07:13,339
Her eyes are Gigantor
and she is freaking me out.
167
00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:15,008
Damn, I wish this cheese ghost
168
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,935
- would talk to me.
- Sorry, Jude.
169
00:07:17,162 --> 00:07:19,921
I guess only I have the
power to see cheese ghosts.
170
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,104
- All right, let's get in your car.
- We actually came
171
00:07:22,184 --> 00:07:23,366
from the airport in
that courtesy van.
172
00:07:23,426 --> 00:07:25,351
Hell yeah. Let's go in that.
173
00:07:25,504 --> 00:07:28,521
Like, take it?
Isn't that bad?
174
00:07:28,674 --> 00:07:30,340
Ha! They stole our land.
175
00:07:30,358 --> 00:07:32,509
We can borrow a friggin'
courtesy van, baby girl.
176
00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:35,102
Right, right. Judy,
we're taking the van.
177
00:07:35,197 --> 00:07:37,122
First I took a
hard-boiled egg,
178
00:07:37,273 --> 00:07:38,606
now I'm taking a car...
179
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,625
I'm really escalating.
180
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,035
Is that Judy?
181
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,353
Kima? What in the wor...
182
00:07:43,371 --> 00:07:46,447
Where are they
going? Kima! Judy!
183
00:07:46,541 --> 00:07:47,857
This is a nightmare.
184
00:07:47,951 --> 00:07:50,360
This mask is supposed to
stay on for 20 more minutes.
185
00:07:53,031 --> 00:07:55,140
Okay, so what's the
mission? We're gonna, like,
186
00:07:55,367 --> 00:07:57,142
go to the governor's
house and you scare him
187
00:07:57,369 --> 00:07:59,035
and everyone's
like, "Dang, Kima,
188
00:07:59,128 --> 00:08:01,554
you got that mansion
and that pool table, too?"
189
00:08:01,631 --> 00:08:03,389
Great idea. Love
where your head's at.
190
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,722
But actually, we got to,
go to that restaurant first.
191
00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:08,970
Walk right in the front
door and sit our asses down.
192
00:08:09,064 --> 00:08:10,805
That's it? For what?
193
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,566
Ask
no more questions.
194
00:08:13,719 --> 00:08:16,828
All will be revealed!
195
00:08:17,055 --> 00:08:19,456
Okay. Judy, turn here.
196
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,834
This all looks so good.
197
00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:24,336
Even though we
just had breakfast,
198
00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:26,487
I could, like, eat, you
know? It's like I have
199
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,656
what I've heard
described as the munchies.
200
00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:30,509
Me too.
201
00:08:30,736 --> 00:08:33,494
I guess it's the excitement of
having a supernatural mission.
202
00:08:33,663 --> 00:08:35,680
Um. Yeah, guys?
203
00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:37,590
Hello, there. Welcome.
204
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,000
I'm your server, Paul.
205
00:08:39,094 --> 00:08:40,610
We, unfortunately, do not allow
206
00:08:40,612 --> 00:08:42,579
outside cheese
tubs at the table.
207
00:08:42,597 --> 00:08:43,763
May I check yours?
208
00:08:43,915 --> 00:08:46,416
No! We, we
have to leave it here.
209
00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:48,101
And you have to do what we say
210
00:08:48,253 --> 00:08:50,420
because I am Tracy Crabcakes.
211
00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:52,013
You must not
recognize me, but, like,
212
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,424
my father owns this restaurant.
213
00:08:54,442 --> 00:08:57,443
Tracy Crabcakes? I
see what's going on here.
214
00:08:57,596 --> 00:08:59,279
Got the munchies, do we, ladies?
215
00:08:59,431 --> 00:09:03,024
I just said that.
216
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,617
- What you said.
- Okay.
217
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,936
We will have the...
218
00:09:06,955 --> 00:09:08,605
appetizer sampler,
219
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:11,383
and, three fish and chips.
220
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,534
The filet mignon,
221
00:09:13,628 --> 00:09:15,887
the salmon Bordelaise,
222
00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:17,872
three Caesar salads,
223
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,540
two blackout chocolate cakes.
224
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:23,286
Hey, hey, why don't you go
ahead and throw in a baked potato?
225
00:09:23,305 --> 00:09:26,064
All right, I'll be back
with some bread.
226
00:09:26,215 --> 00:09:27,399
Can we get extra bread?
227
00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:29,793
You haven't even
gotten the main bread yet.
228
00:09:29,811 --> 00:09:31,628
Just bring us the bread, Paul.
229
00:09:31,721 --> 00:09:32,812
Fine.
230
00:09:32,981 --> 00:09:36,449
Wow, you guys
played that very cool.
231
00:09:37,393 --> 00:09:38,726
Okay, thank you all
232
00:09:38,895 --> 00:09:40,561
for meeting on
such short notice.
233
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:43,564
As you know, I was pretty
bummed out about my siggy swich
234
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,399
being ruthlessly
removed from the menu
235
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:47,252
due to it being my
legacy and all that.
236
00:09:47,403 --> 00:09:49,963
I mean, I thought our grandkids
would order it in the future
237
00:09:49,998 --> 00:09:51,497
on their mind chips or whatever.
238
00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:53,741
Aw, that's sweet. Now I'm
sad about the sandwich, too.
239
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:58,004
Good, because I have a plan to
get my soaked sandwich back down
240
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,673
the throats of hardworking
Lone Moosers everywhere.
241
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:04,251
- Yuck.
- All we need to do is just flood The Hoagie Pony
242
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,662
with orders for the Wet Wolf.
243
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,497
Once they see how
much demand there is,
244
00:10:07,515 --> 00:10:09,682
they'll have to start
supplying it again.
245
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,592
Thanks for calling
The Hoagie Pony.
246
00:10:11,686 --> 00:10:13,353
How can I sandwich you today?
247
00:10:13,505 --> 00:10:15,447
I'd like to order a Wet Wolf.
248
00:10:15,523 --> 00:10:16,948
Hi, Beef.
249
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,358
This is not Beef Tobin.
250
00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:21,361
This is Jennifer
Aniston, from Friends.
251
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:24,864
Excuse me, sorry, this
is now the president.
252
00:10:25,016 --> 00:10:27,274
I-I'm with Jennifer. And Phoebe.
253
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,853
And we need to get
our hands on a Wet Wolf.
254
00:10:29,855 --> 00:10:33,614
My God, we have caller
ID. I know it's not the president.
255
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:34,949
Okay, Lydia, sorry, yes,
256
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,360
that was Beef and Moon,
but we really do need
257
00:10:37,453 --> 00:10:38,708
a lot of Wet Wolfs
because, well...
258
00:10:38,788 --> 00:10:41,881
Phoebe wants them,
for her twin sister Ursula.
259
00:10:42,033 --> 00:10:43,383
I'm hanging up now.
260
00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:46,311
Everything
Everywhere All at Sucks.
261
00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:49,205
My legacy is in
tatters. Unless...
262
00:10:49,298 --> 00:10:51,298
No. Are you
having another idea?
263
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,152
You bet your beautiful
butt cracks I am.
264
00:10:54,303 --> 00:10:55,783
- Ooh, yay!- All right,
265
00:10:55,881 --> 00:10:57,819
- four orders of fish and chips.
- Gimme, gimme, gimme.
266
00:10:57,899 --> 00:10:59,215
- Two...
- That one's mine. - Hey!
267
00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:00,733
My God. Golovkin.
268
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,569
- Wait, who's that?
- Our teacher chaperone. Crap!
269
00:11:03,722 --> 00:11:05,660
Crap, that's The Man?
Time to dine and dash, girls.
270
00:11:05,740 --> 00:11:06,998
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
271
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:08,905
- We gotta go. We gotta go!
- Gonna drop 'em.
272
00:11:08,985 --> 00:11:09,909
Too many dishes.
273
00:11:10,061 --> 00:11:11,061
Hello, sir.
274
00:11:11,154 --> 00:11:12,562
Now, we do have a dress code.
275
00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:13,672
I don't want to eat.
276
00:11:13,899 --> 00:11:15,095
I'm just here to
get those girls.
277
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,250
Wonderful.
Now, if you could just
278
00:11:17,419 --> 00:11:19,569
- wait right here.
- Here we go, here we go. - Judy, let's go.
279
00:11:19,587 --> 00:11:21,571
- Back door. - Aah! Sorry. Coming.
- Stop right there.
280
00:11:21,589 --> 00:11:23,419
- Hey, weirdos, you forgot me.
- - Aah!
281
00:11:23,499 --> 00:11:25,183
You don't understand.
I'm their teacher
282
00:11:25,334 --> 00:11:26,759
and I took them out of town.
283
00:11:26,912 --> 00:11:27,927
I see, sir.
284
00:11:28,096 --> 00:11:29,170
I am dialing 911.
285
00:11:29,264 --> 00:11:31,414
Wait, no. They were...
286
00:11:31,507 --> 00:11:33,433
Girls! No!
287
00:11:33,509 --> 00:11:35,509
I was supposed
to get a massage.
288
00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:38,345
Yeah, yeah.
it's an emergency.
289
00:11:42,852 --> 00:11:46,020
All right. Beth, now that
we ate, we got to complete
290
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,263
this mysterious mission.
291
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:49,766
Yeah.
On to our next stop.
292
00:11:49,784 --> 00:11:51,876
Just, head over
there, maybe. Can't hurt.
293
00:11:52,028 --> 00:11:53,878
- Judy, turn here.
- Okay, but real quick,
294
00:11:54,030 --> 00:11:55,605
should we go get Froyo?
295
00:11:55,623 --> 00:11:57,531
So, the mission
296
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:58,958
is getting a tattoo?
297
00:11:59,110 --> 00:12:00,534
Yeah, yeah.
298
00:12:00,628 --> 00:12:02,036
I mean, that's part of it.
299
00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:03,446
You gotta trust me.
300
00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:05,537
'Cause of our special bond
across time or whatever.
301
00:12:05,617 --> 00:12:07,784
My God. I'll get
in so much trouble.
302
00:12:07,877 --> 00:12:10,544
But I have always
really wanted one.
303
00:12:10,638 --> 00:12:13,047
Hey, how's it going?
You guys want tattoos?
304
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,716
I can do anything
except portraits, dragons,
305
00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:18,144
flowers, hearts,
anchors or cursive.
306
00:12:18,296 --> 00:12:19,462
Also, before we get started,
307
00:12:19,555 --> 00:12:21,222
I'll need you each
to prove you're 18.
308
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,890
By giving me 50 bucks.
309
00:12:22,984 --> 00:12:25,243
Well, that hurt way more
than I thought it would.
310
00:12:25,394 --> 00:12:27,303
But now we're
tattoo twins for life.
311
00:12:27,322 --> 00:12:29,230
Hell yeah. And it's so original.
312
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,582
I don't know anyone else
313
00:12:30,809 --> 00:12:32,066
who has a dolphin
on their lower back.
314
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:35,569
Hey, hey, Kima. Judy.
Did you get tattoos?
315
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:38,180
- No! Go, go, go!
- Go, go, go! Wait, I'm the driver.
316
00:12:38,182 --> 00:12:40,514
- Hey! Hey!
- Run! Run, run, run, run, run! - Okay, here we go!
317
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:41,718
Judy! Kima!
318
00:12:42,912 --> 00:12:45,054
No!
319
00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:50,602
So,
320
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:52,937
where do we go next?
I'm having a lot of fun,
321
00:12:53,089 --> 00:12:55,498
but I don't really know
what this mission is.
322
00:12:55,591 --> 00:12:58,092
Yeah. Beth, what's
this all adding up to?
323
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,260
Great question.
324
00:12:59,354 --> 00:13:02,280
All
will become clear.
325
00:13:02,431 --> 00:13:04,007
We just
gotta do more stuff first.
326
00:13:04,009 --> 00:13:06,676
And it might seem like just a
bunch of random fun things,
327
00:13:06,694 --> 00:13:10,104
but I promise it has, like, a
very deep meaning, okay?
328
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,772
Okay, you're the boss.
329
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,291
Lead us on.
330
00:13:24,863 --> 00:13:27,430
Whoa.
331
00:13:35,464 --> 00:13:36,981
Hi, guys.
332
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:39,876
We love living near your butts!
333
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,152
You
left the keys in here!
334
00:13:58,321 --> 00:13:59,729
I've got you now.
335
00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:01,987
- No getting away this time...
- Run, run! - Go! Go, go, go!
336
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:02,915
Damn it.
337
00:14:03,068 --> 00:14:04,734
Stupid horoscope.
338
00:14:04,736 --> 00:14:07,236
This is not, in fact, my day.
339
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:09,422
Left, left, up that hill!
340
00:14:09,574 --> 00:14:10,590
Left, Judy!
341
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,408
Is he still behind us?
342
00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:13,518
Don't look back.
343
00:14:13,595 --> 00:14:14,668
Just go. Go. Go!
344
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,670
Ride, my bitches, ride!
345
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:19,082
I can feel the wind in my curds!
346
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,025
Guys, what are we doing here?
347
00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:23,102
I'm going, like,
three miles an hour.
348
00:14:23,254 --> 00:14:25,104
All right, the calls
were a no-go...
349
00:14:25,256 --> 00:14:26,453
Too impersonal...
But when Lydia sees
350
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,349
how much people
dig this, we'll be back
351
00:14:28,443 --> 00:14:29,850
in biz in a wet minute.
352
00:14:29,928 --> 00:14:33,112
- Free Wet Wolfs!
- Hell yeah. I've never said no
353
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,947
to free food in
my life.
354
00:14:36,434 --> 00:14:37,283
No.
355
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,710
Hello, ma'am.
356
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,436
How would you
and your child like
357
00:14:40,455 --> 00:14:42,788
to munch my brother's
hopes and dreams today?
358
00:14:42,941 --> 00:14:44,215
Stay away from my baby.
359
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:47,293
I called the police and my dad.
360
00:14:47,445 --> 00:14:48,369
Awesome.
361
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,871
Tell them to bring
their appetites.
362
00:14:50,965 --> 00:14:52,724
We're
at Indian Point.
363
00:14:52,875 --> 00:14:53,875
Native land.
364
00:14:54,043 --> 00:14:55,376
This must be where
we complete the mission.
365
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,787
Makes so much sense.
Ask the cheese ghost
366
00:14:57,956 --> 00:14:59,288
- where we should go.
- Just,
367
00:14:59,307 --> 00:15:00,957
head down that trail over there.
368
00:15:01,050 --> 00:15:01,974
Down the trail!
369
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,960
Guys, please do not run.
370
00:15:04,053 --> 00:15:05,069
I cannot chase you.
371
00:15:05,221 --> 00:15:07,797
The drag on these
palazzo pants is insane.
372
00:15:10,893 --> 00:15:11,892
Wow.
373
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:14,412
This place is incredible.
374
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:15,914
Beth, what's the mission?
375
00:15:16,065 --> 00:15:17,473
We already did it.
376
00:15:17,492 --> 00:15:18,750
What? But all we did was
377
00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:21,735
play hooky from a conference
and have a bunch of fun.
378
00:15:21,829 --> 00:15:22,995
Yes, we did.
379
00:15:23,148 --> 00:15:24,647
We walked in the front
door of a restaurant
380
00:15:24,666 --> 00:15:27,408
and sat right down and went
to a bunch of other places,
381
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,427
and nobody called us
names or treated us like crap.
382
00:15:29,578 --> 00:15:32,096
And frankly, that
kicked total ass.
383
00:15:32,323 --> 00:15:34,173
Both cheeks. Right
cheek, left cheek,
384
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,600
down the crack, Kima.
385
00:15:35,827 --> 00:15:36,434
Whoa.
386
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,102
Yeah, all the stuff I fought for
387
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:40,012
is flippin' real as hell now.
388
00:15:40,165 --> 00:15:42,256
Well, I'm really glad
you got to enjoy it.
389
00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:43,849
I'm glad you got to enjoy it.
390
00:15:44,002 --> 00:15:46,185
'Cause, honestly, y'all are
kind of Goody Two-shoes.
391
00:15:46,337 --> 00:15:47,928
You need to rebel a little.
392
00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:49,614
No, I think
we're pretty cool.
393
00:15:49,765 --> 00:15:52,165
You probably just don't know
that 'cause you're an old ghost.
394
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:53,434
First of all, how dare you?
395
00:15:53,528 --> 00:15:55,178
Secondly, you
guys were too nerdy
396
00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:58,105
to know you've been massively
toasted on gummies all day.
397
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,882
- What?
- Yes, that girl this morning
398
00:15:59,884 --> 00:16:03,019
with the cool hair... She
gave you special gummies.
399
00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:04,370
Judy!
400
00:16:04,522 --> 00:16:06,038
Judy, Judy! Those gummies we ate
401
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,966
were Mary Jane.
402
00:16:08,193 --> 00:16:09,375
My God.
403
00:16:09,452 --> 00:16:11,302
Everything makes
so much sense now.
404
00:16:11,529 --> 00:16:14,973
The munchies, my wet
hands, our very good decision
405
00:16:15,124 --> 00:16:17,624
to get dolphin tattoos
on our lower backs.
406
00:16:17,719 --> 00:16:19,702
Hey, over here. Listen up.
407
00:16:19,721 --> 00:16:21,568
Those gummies are wearing
off and I'm about to disappear,
408
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,130
- but Kima?
- Yeah?
409
00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:25,650
If I'm really your idol, don't
just reproduce my speech.
410
00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:27,877
That's what this little voice
from the back of your head
411
00:16:27,895 --> 00:16:29,654
that sounds like
me is telling you.
412
00:16:29,805 --> 00:16:31,894
Go back to that conference
and mess some crap up for me.
413
00:16:31,974 --> 00:16:34,158
- Okay, nerd?
- You got it, cheese ghost.
414
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,977
Kima! Judy!
415
00:16:37,071 --> 00:16:39,313
Okay, what in the
world is going on?
416
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,074
Also, how do people
wear this type of pants?
417
00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:44,043
Because I have
fallen over a lot.
418
00:16:48,399 --> 00:16:49,821
So you're saying a
girl from another school
419
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,175
- gave you the gummies?
- Yes.
420
00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:53,069
And I know this
is hard to believe,
421
00:16:53,162 --> 00:16:54,369
but we did not catch on
422
00:16:54,371 --> 00:16:56,572
that they were not
normal gummies.
423
00:16:56,741 --> 00:16:59,350
- I absolutely believe that.
- Hey.
424
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:01,244
I am sorry to say
this, but I'm afraid
425
00:17:01,262 --> 00:17:02,836
today's modern marijuana edibles
426
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:06,006
are way too powerful for
nerd teens like yourselves.
427
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,417
90% of nerds who take
marijuana gummies die.
428
00:17:08,586 --> 00:17:09,866
-Those are just
the facts, -Okay,
429
00:17:10,012 --> 00:17:11,863
you can't just keep
calling us nerds.
430
00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:14,699
Judy, I just spent so much
money chasing you in various Ubers
431
00:17:14,850 --> 00:17:16,250
and I had to pay
your restaurant tab
432
00:17:16,427 --> 00:17:17,684
and promise them we'd
bring these plates back,
433
00:17:17,762 --> 00:17:19,945
so I will call you
whatever names I wish.
434
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:23,041
- Fine.
- So, are you gonna tell our parents?
435
00:17:23,268 --> 00:17:24,876
Are you kidding?
I lost two students
436
00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:26,210
on an out-of-town field trip
437
00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:28,362
because they took
edibles and got tattoos.
438
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,030
This goes with me to my grave.
439
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,770
- Thank God.
- But you do have detention
440
00:17:31,867 --> 00:17:33,793
- for the rest of high school.
- What?! - No!
441
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,279
You can tell your parents
you're helping me grade papers.
442
00:17:36,297 --> 00:17:38,723
- Ooh, I do love to grade papers.
- Nerd.
443
00:17:38,874 --> 00:17:41,133
Well, here we are at the
state house. You feeling
444
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:42,618
sober enough to do your speech?
445
00:17:42,711 --> 00:17:44,136
Wait, we didn't miss it?
446
00:17:44,289 --> 00:17:45,801
My God, you've only
been gone a few hours.
447
00:17:45,881 --> 00:17:48,733
Wow, those gummies really
mess with your sense of time.
448
00:17:48,884 --> 00:17:51,477
Like, I totally thought the
weekend was completely over.
449
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,404
Dry buns! No fun!
450
00:17:53,631 --> 00:17:55,464
Good Lord. Now what?
451
00:17:55,483 --> 00:17:57,057
- What do we want?
- Wet!
452
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,576
- When do we want it?
- Now!
453
00:17:58,803 --> 00:18:00,727
This is a non-violent sit in.
454
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,413
But that can change
on a dime, sweetheart.
455
00:18:02,565 --> 00:18:04,824
The people demand
you return the Wet Wolf
456
00:18:04,976 --> 00:18:07,085
to its rightful place
atop the menu.
457
00:18:07,236 --> 00:18:08,586
Mr. Hoagie.
458
00:18:08,737 --> 00:18:10,996
Hello, Tobins. What
are we doing here, Wolf?
459
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,149
Well, sir, welcome back.
460
00:18:13,167 --> 00:18:15,409
You look beautiful,
bald and beaming.
461
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,670
I need you guys to stop
bugging my daughter.
462
00:18:17,822 --> 00:18:20,247
We took the sandwich off the
menu because no one ordered it.
463
00:18:20,341 --> 00:18:22,174
But my family always orders it,
464
00:18:22,327 --> 00:18:23,993
a-and there's a lot of us.
465
00:18:24,011 --> 00:18:25,845
They never order the Wet Wolf
466
00:18:25,997 --> 00:18:26,846
unless you're with them.
467
00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:28,272
That can't be true.
468
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,091
Humid Hive? My Moist Militia?
469
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,669
- Sog Squad?
- Sorry,
470
00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:34,928
but it is true, sweetie.
471
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,614
We all hate that
friggin' sandwich.
472
00:18:36,765 --> 00:18:38,449
- Aw.
- But we love you.
473
00:18:38,601 --> 00:18:40,526
Which is why we wait
till you're not around
474
00:18:40,603 --> 00:18:43,346
to hurl the hoagies
deep into the woods.
475
00:18:43,439 --> 00:18:44,956
Wolf, I only put it on the menu
476
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,029
'cause you ordered it every
day back in high school.
477
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:49,610
But once it was up
there, it went to your head.
478
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,795
Whatever do you mean?
479
00:18:51,022 --> 00:18:52,112
You always came in
through the kitchen,
480
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,372
which is against health code,
481
00:18:53,524 --> 00:18:55,358
and you expected
the sandwich for free.
482
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:57,193
Well, yeah. Do you
think the Hamburglar
483
00:18:57,211 --> 00:18:58,302
pays for Big Macs?
484
00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:00,363
Wolf, I'm sorry. We can't put
485
00:19:00,381 --> 00:19:02,289
your very awful sandwich
back on the menu.
486
00:19:02,383 --> 00:19:04,216
Okay, guys.
Let's, pack it in.
487
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,385
Guess I'll just go
back to being a nobody
488
00:19:06,537 --> 00:19:09,814
with nothing named
after me except myself.
489
00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:11,056
Hold on.
490
00:19:11,209 --> 00:19:12,633
How about I name
the water station
491
00:19:12,727 --> 00:19:15,135
"Wolf's water station"?
492
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,896
Wow, that's what
the sign will say?
493
00:19:17,048 --> 00:19:19,548
Sign? No, it'll just
be the water station
494
00:19:19,642 --> 00:19:20,883
we already have as is.
495
00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:23,552
But you'll always
know it's yours.
496
00:19:23,571 --> 00:19:25,251
- That seems like nothing. We...
- Love it!
497
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,147
Water is way more
important than food.
498
00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:28,908
I can't wait until
our grandchildren
499
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:32,152
see this projected on
their bionic ice creams.
500
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,172
Okay, Humid Hive,
let's head around back
501
00:19:34,399 --> 00:19:35,595
so we can walk in
through the kitchen
502
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,843
and get our free glasses
of Wolf's wet water.
503
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:41,086
No. Wolf, no
walking through the...
504
00:19:41,239 --> 00:19:43,181
All right, they're going.
505
00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:44,682
And here to recreate
506
00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:46,667
Elizabeth Peratrovich's
famous speech,
507
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,187
two students who have
definitely been here all day
508
00:19:49,414 --> 00:19:51,672
and did not have any marijuana.
509
00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:53,173
And marijuana is bad.
510
00:19:53,267 --> 00:19:55,100
Actually, it's just
gonna be Kima.
511
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,177
Okay, just Kima, who is sober.
512
00:19:57,271 --> 00:19:59,104
Thanks, Mr. Golovkin.
513
00:19:59,273 --> 00:20:00,589
Okay, look,
514
00:20:00,591 --> 00:20:02,808
I was just gonna
recreate a speech today,
515
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,870
but something... maybe it was
a container of cottage cheese,
516
00:20:06,021 --> 00:20:07,821
doesn't really matter
how I got the message...
517
00:20:07,932 --> 00:20:09,690
Told me that
Elizabeth Peratrovich
518
00:20:09,858 --> 00:20:12,785
would want me to cause
a little bit of trouble instead.
519
00:20:12,954 --> 00:20:14,361
So, here it goes.
520
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:17,548
Let's start by talking about
Senator Bonnie Bunch-legg.
521
00:20:17,775 --> 00:20:20,943
Or as us natives call
her, Bonnie Bitch-Legg.
522
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,037
Get her, Kima!
523
00:20:24,131 --> 00:20:26,224
God, I wish I had
some blood to throw.
524
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:28,226
And then we got kicked out
525
00:20:28,453 --> 00:20:29,802
and Golovkin took us
526
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,152
straight to the airport and
we had to fly home right away.
527
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,065
So guess what? Suck it, Alanis!
528
00:20:34,292 --> 00:20:36,959
We are nerds no more.
529
00:20:36,978 --> 00:20:38,461
Okay, Judy, but you do realize
530
00:20:38,479 --> 00:20:40,479
marijuana is harmful
for teens, right?
531
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,144
And I'm not just saying
that because we have
532
00:20:42,224 --> 00:20:43,479
a standards and
practices department
533
00:20:43,559 --> 00:20:46,059
up here in the sky that
requires me to do so.
534
00:20:46,153 --> 00:20:47,486
Okay, Alanis.
535
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,639
You're still
super blazed, right now?
536
00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:51,640
Must be.
537
00:20:51,659 --> 00:20:53,158
You want some fries?
538
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,402
God!
There's a fry in my eye.
539
00:20:55,496 --> 00:20:57,738
I'm blind!
no, wait, no, I'm fine.
540
00:21:30,368 --> 00:21:32,368
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