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1
00:00:05,610 --> 00:00:06,910
I helped pick the numbers.
2
00:00:07,770 --> 00:00:08,770
Again.
3
00:00:09,770 --> 00:00:11,190
I helped pick the numbers.
4
00:00:12,250 --> 00:00:13,250
Again.
5
00:00:14,070 --> 00:00:15,530
I helped pick the numbers.
6
00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:19,490
The more I watch, the more beautiful she
becomes.
7
00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:21,510
I must meet her.
8
00:00:21,950 --> 00:00:23,790
Her name is Jackie Harris.
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She's divorced, part owner of a diner,
lives in a small town called Landford.
10
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In high school, she was spirit captain.
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Whatever that is.
12
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Lovely.
13
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:38,240
We're going to Lanford.
14
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Where is Lanford?
15
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Thank you.
16
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Thank you.
17
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:43,440
Hey, Grandma.
18
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Say hi to Dad.
19
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Yeah, I love you, too.
20
00:01:48,380 --> 00:01:49,460
I miss you, too.
21
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:51,940
Yeah, I really love you, too.
22
00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:55,220
This is DJ.
23
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:58,280
DJ Connor.
24
00:02:11,050 --> 00:02:13,010
It's the same. It's not different.
25
00:02:13,730 --> 00:02:18,850
You know, I thought that I had been to
the dark side of dating Roseanne, but I
26
00:02:18,850 --> 00:02:19,850
was wrong.
27
00:02:20,490 --> 00:02:25,530
He whined to me all night long about how
his ex -wife was trying to soak every
28
00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:29,570
last dime from him, and then he waited
for me to pick up the check.
29
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So that makes me Jackie the Loser
Magnet.
30
00:02:36,430 --> 00:02:39,770
Now at least you're going after guys
that are ambitious enough to date you
31
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your money.
32
00:02:40,790 --> 00:02:44,650
You don't even know, Roseanne. You've
never had to date.
33
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Oh, please. Dating's just like hunting.
You get lucky, you go home early.
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00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:54,050
I don't need a man. I am financially
secure.
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I am emotionally stable.
36
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I have my Andy. I have my family.
37
00:03:02,010 --> 00:03:03,010
What about sex?
38
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:04,550
I am...
39
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:05,600
So through with that.
40
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,780
I'm giving up on the whole mess. I'm
getting rid of my short skirts and my
41
00:03:09,780 --> 00:03:14,380
and my makeup and my tweezers, and I'm
free. I'm a free woman.
42
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:16,760
I feel great.
43
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:26,820
I'm going to go upstairs and get my son,
and we're going to go home and start
44
00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:27,820
our new life.
45
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,700
You want a day over?
46
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:32,960
Yeah. Yeah.
47
00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:43,790
some things don't change no matter how
much money you've got.
48
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:47,290
Like, I don't consider doing the catch
-ups work.
49
00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:48,770
You see?
50
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:50,890
It's more like a challenge.
51
00:03:51,910 --> 00:03:55,110
No, it's work, Jackie, and I'm no longer
up to that challenge.
52
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:03,110
Um,
53
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:09,950
can
54
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:10,950
you help me?
55
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:16,560
I mean, can I... Can you help me?
56
00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:21,320
Is there something that I could get for
you?
57
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:25,280
Lunch.
58
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:27,840
Yes, lunch.
59
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:34,700
We have no real specials, but without
getting too personal, could I recommend
60
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:38,400
the double loose meat combo? It comes
with a drink, so that's your best buy.
61
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:46,720
I don't know what that is, but I'll try
it if you say so, Jackie.
62
00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:48,900
How did you know my name?
63
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,640
I saw you on television and I had to
meet you.
64
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,520
Oh, really?
65
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:56,700
I'm Carlos Charmaine.
66
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,520
I'm from Moldavia.
67
00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:02,060
Oh, Moldavia. Oh, I've heard of
Moldavia.
68
00:05:02,420 --> 00:05:06,420
I watched that Carmen Sandiego show.
69
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,540
It's one of my favorite shows as well.
Oh, really?
70
00:05:11,780 --> 00:05:14,300
Well, what do you do there in Moldavia,
Carlos?
71
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,840
Well, actually, I'm a prince.
72
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,740
A prince.
73
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The prince of Moldavia. The prince of
Moldavia.
74
00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:30,380
Okay.
75
00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:38,850
I have a duke and duchess waiting on
their fries, and so I will be right
76
00:05:39,430 --> 00:05:40,430
Okay?
77
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,010
Loser!
78
00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:46,390
Loser! Loser!
79
00:05:47,850 --> 00:05:51,450
See? Ripped -eye, looking really good,
and then he goes and tells me he's a
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00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:55,090
prince. Can you believe that? Well, give
him a chance, Jackie. I mean, if he was
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00:05:55,090 --> 00:05:57,250
a big loser, he would have told you he
was the king.
82
00:05:58,970 --> 00:06:01,570
Well, Sam, where'd you put the... Home?
83
00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:03,090
My God.
84
00:06:03,270 --> 00:06:04,270
Prince Carlos.
85
00:06:05,290 --> 00:06:08,630
The only straight man in the world that
can get away with wearing purple.
86
00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:12,630
Wait a minute.
87
00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:15,270
You're telling me that guy's for real?
Hello?
88
00:06:15,910 --> 00:06:18,430
No, that's not possible.
89
00:06:19,110 --> 00:06:23,070
Look, trust me to point out royalty, and
I will trust you to point out rodeo
90
00:06:23,070 --> 00:06:24,070
stars.
91
00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:30,730
He can't be a prince. He has no scepter,
no entourage.
92
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:36,040
Except for that double -wide limousine
out there with the little flags on the
93
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,160
antennas. Oh, my God!
94
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,760
My God, he's a prince!
95
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,160
And he came here to see me!
96
00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:45,220
Oh, now, what if you're supposed to be a
virgin?
97
00:07:10,990 --> 00:07:13,390
There's no easy way to tell someone
you're a prince.
98
00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:17,970
Cough, cough, cough.
99
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:24,370
This is my sister, Roseanne Conner, of
the Lanford Conners. My pleasure. And
100
00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:26,750
I say that television does neither of
you justice.
101
00:07:27,150 --> 00:07:30,970
Oh, that's so sweet, even if you are
just blowing smoke.
102
00:07:33,390 --> 00:07:34,610
That's Leon Karp.
103
00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:36,790
Mr. Conner.
104
00:07:37,010 --> 00:07:38,010
Hi.
105
00:07:39,230 --> 00:07:41,560
My husband. Elizabeth is not going to
believe this.
106
00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:50,060
Jackie, at the risk of seeming forward,
I would like to ask for the pleasure of
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00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:51,120
your company at dinner.
108
00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:53,980
Oh, no, that's not forward at all. That
is, that's right.
109
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:55,680
Oh, what's she said?
110
00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:00,180
I thought perhaps we would go to one of
my favorite eating places.
111
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,560
Oh, my God, you have a favorite eating
place in Lanford? We don't.
112
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,020
No, I was thinking of Manhattan.
113
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:08,840
Oh, Manhattan!
114
00:08:14,990 --> 00:08:19,170
We'll take my plane if that's all right
with you. Oh, well, I don't know, Carlo.
115
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:22,650
Well, what she means is that she doesn't
know you, so in the tradition of
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00:08:22,650 --> 00:08:25,030
royalty and the dating game, I should
chaperone.
117
00:08:26,850 --> 00:08:29,370
Well, of course, you're welcome to join
us. I am fit.
118
00:08:29,630 --> 00:08:31,490
And bring the rest of your family as
well.
119
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,230
Whatever makes Jackie happy.
120
00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,870
Oh, I think that makes her happy. Oh,
I'm happy, too.
121
00:08:36,929 --> 00:08:41,030
And I'll get Darlene and David to watch
Little Andy and Jerry, and that'll make
122
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:42,030
me happy.
123
00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:44,590
Well, you guys have fun. I'll be...
124
00:08:44,990 --> 00:08:48,290
Home, sitting in the tub, listening to
Mahler and brooding.
125
00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:51,970
Hey, can our cousin Leon come too?
126
00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:53,710
Of course, the more the merrier.
127
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,090
I'll make the arrangements.
128
00:09:06,590 --> 00:09:07,610
Until tomorrow.
129
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:41,680
The commode is exquisite. It has one of
those delightful old world spritzing
130
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:42,680
devices.
131
00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:49,140
The only thing we're missing is people
riding in coats to feel superior to.
132
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:55,880
You know, this pillow is goose down
filled. I just want to bite it.
133
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,520
So, what do you guys want to do first
when we get to New York?
134
00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:05,870
Well, I don't know about the rest of
you, but me and Leon are going down to
135
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:07,450
village to get something pierced.
136
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:17,470
Yeah, and then we'll all head over to
Saturday Night Live and see if they've
137
00:10:17,470 --> 00:10:19,270
figured out when to end their skits yet.
138
00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:28,970
I want to go to the Cots Club, sing a
hot jazz tune with the boys in the band,
139
00:10:29,030 --> 00:10:30,550
be part of the Harlem Renaissance.
140
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,220
We'll drop you off.
141
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,400
Oh, my God.
142
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,560
Oh, my God.
143
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,200
Carlos. Oh,
144
00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:42,260
I... Oh.
145
00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:44,960
I will definitely get this dry cleaned.
146
00:10:45,660 --> 00:10:48,500
Oh, that is gorgeous. Thank you so much.
147
00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:53,240
Well, New York gets rather chilly this
time of year. And it matches perfectly
148
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,240
what I have on.
149
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,720
I bought several of them. I picked that
one out when I saw what you were
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00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:58,720
wearing.
151
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,600
They're all for you.
152
00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:02,730
Oh, I don't know what to say.
153
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:09,970
Carlos, I know that you only saw me on
television for eight seconds, and I have
154
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:13,790
been told that I do make a very strong
first impression, especially in a dress.
155
00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:17,850
But what exactly was it?
156
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:19,730
You seemed so real.
157
00:11:20,030 --> 00:11:26,710
Your look, your smile, the way your hair
touches your eyelash, and your voice.
158
00:11:26,730 --> 00:11:29,550
When I heard your voice, I had to find
you.
159
00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:33,430
I helped pick the numbers.
160
00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:37,050
You do a good need.
161
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:40,490
Now, skid it on over there, Prince.
162
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:44,250
Wow, this is incredible.
163
00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:48,010
So, give me the dirt on your family.
What is it?
164
00:11:48,650 --> 00:11:50,810
Adultery, alcoholism, bleeders?
165
00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:52,690
Oh, dear.
166
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:54,250
Isn't she fun?
167
00:11:55,350 --> 00:11:59,390
Well, actually, if you wouldn't find it
too boring, I have some home movies.
168
00:11:59,590 --> 00:12:00,590
Oh, great.
169
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:06,810
Here's some of the royal family.
170
00:12:07,510 --> 00:12:08,590
That's the queen mother.
171
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:12,970
Oh, sweet.
172
00:12:15,410 --> 00:12:19,530
Well, now, is she the queen or the
mother of the queen?
173
00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:22,670
We've been trying to figure that out for
centuries.
174
00:12:22,930 --> 00:12:24,910
We just sort of let them both sit there.
175
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:30,670
Here's the coronation of my father, King
Carlos IX.
176
00:12:32,689 --> 00:12:35,550
He died a few years ago. Oh, I'm so
sorry.
177
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:36,750
Was he beheaded?
178
00:12:39,190 --> 00:12:40,190
Well,
179
00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:45,190
now, if the king died, why aren't you
the king?
180
00:12:45,690 --> 00:12:48,650
In my country, the queen rules after the
king's death.
181
00:12:49,590 --> 00:12:50,870
Viva Moldavia!
182
00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:55,650
Here's my aunt, Princess Marguerite.
183
00:12:56,560 --> 00:13:00,640
She has a great personality, makes all
of her own clothes, and just loves
184
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:01,640
horses.
185
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:06,720
Well, she's not exactly postage stamp
material, now is she?
186
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,320
Look at the parade.
187
00:13:10,780 --> 00:13:13,380
So, is this some big national holiday?
188
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:16,320
No, that's when I got an A on my report
card.
189
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:25,520
Oh, here's the wedding of my brother to
Princess Bergeson. We call her Bergie.
190
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:28,810
It was a beautiful affair.
191
00:13:29,070 --> 00:13:32,770
We had Sir George Schulte conducting the
National Orchestra.
192
00:13:33,650 --> 00:13:36,550
Dan and I had the Belinda Zielinski
Five.
193
00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:39,750
We are approaching the airport.
194
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:42,790
Everyone please return to your seats and
fasten your seatbelts.
195
00:13:45,010 --> 00:13:48,550
Look, Jackie, New York City is lit up
just for you.
196
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:49,870
You know what?
197
00:13:50,350 --> 00:13:52,890
I'm so happy I almost believe that.
198
00:13:53,790 --> 00:13:56,170
I say we buzz the stacks! to a liberty.
199
00:14:11,370 --> 00:14:14,690
Wow, this is so beautiful. I can't
believe it.
200
00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:16,450
How much did this cost?
201
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:17,990
Don't answer her.
202
00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:19,230
I don't mind.
203
00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:21,490
Seven Norum.
204
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:31,330
I read that if you drop a marshmallow
off the top, you could kill someone.
205
00:14:32,810 --> 00:14:34,250
Ma 'am, what a brutal way to go.
206
00:14:36,190 --> 00:14:37,190
Excuse me, sweetheart.
207
00:14:37,530 --> 00:14:39,430
I'm with the prince. I'd like a gin and
tonic.
208
00:14:42,430 --> 00:14:43,750
We're playing our song.
209
00:14:44,390 --> 00:14:46,770
Oh, we have a song.
210
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:50,250
Shall we dance?
211
00:14:50,650 --> 00:14:51,650
Thank you.
212
00:14:54,230 --> 00:14:57,190
Thank heaven I've been dying to tell you
what I heard in the powder room.
213
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,360
Well, I hope it wasn't, hey, lady,
you're in the men's room.
214
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:07,920
No, I heard that a certain prince has a
questionable reputation.
215
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:13,280
He's been linked with everyone from
Princess Stephanie to Marky Post.
216
00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:18,740
So what? Jackie's been linked with
everyone from the meter man to that
217
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:20,960
photographer just passing through town.
What's the difference?
218
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:27,190
Suzanne? I know I'm about to violate the
entire foundation of our six -year
219
00:15:27,190 --> 00:15:30,350
relationship, but dance with me.
220
00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:33,410
Oh, Leon, I hoped you'd never ask.
221
00:15:34,730 --> 00:15:38,370
Come on, little fan. If you have a good
time, you can blame it on the champagne.
222
00:15:38,790 --> 00:15:42,250
Fine, I'll do it. Just keep moving your
feet and don't look at me.
223
00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:45,690
Prince is just a regular guy.
224
00:15:45,970 --> 00:15:48,230
Kind of needy. He leans on me a lot.
225
00:15:48,450 --> 00:15:49,450
Okay.
226
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:53,630
How about dancing with your poor,
lonesome old grandma?
227
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:55,570
Nice timing, Grandma.
228
00:15:56,990 --> 00:16:02,350
Now, listen, if an interested gentleman
should cut in, you just cha -cha -cha
229
00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:03,350
away, all right?
230
00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:07,690
I know one fun thing about being a
prince.
231
00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:12,190
If I start to dance faster, the band
will keep up with me.
232
00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:13,530
Oh, really?
233
00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:15,110
What?
234
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:34,890
Oh, well, then I don't know what it is.
I can't explain the feeling, but I think
235
00:16:34,890 --> 00:16:35,890
I'm in love.
236
00:16:37,850 --> 00:16:38,850
Kill me.
237
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,820
that fight between the cabbie and the
screaming transvestite.
238
00:16:57,820 --> 00:16:59,620
Man, Central Park is awesome.
239
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:02,700
You know, now that we have the money, we
should build a house here.
240
00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:06,920
Oh, yeah. What the New York City skyline
really needs is an aluminum -sided
241
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,780
track tone with a satellite dish.
242
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,460
Don't wait back. This town is full of
grifters and confidence men.
243
00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:29,380
just about the coolest thing I've ever
seen.
244
00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:32,580
Your carriage, my lady.
245
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:33,800
Thank you, my sir.
246
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,980
Shotgun! Wait, I got shotgun! I want to
sit in the middle like Audrey Hepburn in
247
00:17:37,980 --> 00:17:42,140
Breakfast at Tiffany's. No, oddly
enough, this smells better than a
248
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:47,120
DJ, get in the back. I want to sit in
the front so I can do tricks with a
249
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,020
Roseanne, may I have a word with you?
250
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:54,200
Yes, of course, Carlos. But, I mean...
251
00:17:54,590 --> 00:17:57,930
It was only an ash tree and there was a
million of them laying around.
252
00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:08,910
Roseanne, I think you know the great
affection I have for you and your entire
253
00:18:08,910 --> 00:18:11,990
family. Oh, well, we think you are one
hell of a prince.
254
00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:16,270
It's just that I wanted to ride alone
with Jackie.
255
00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:20,030
She really likes you.
256
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:21,450
And I really like her.
257
00:18:23,010 --> 00:18:26,210
Well, how... How are we supposed to know
for sure that this isn't just another
258
00:18:26,210 --> 00:18:27,910
one of your royal flings?
259
00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:32,750
Roseanne, if all I wanted was to have a
fling with your sister, do you think I
260
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:34,610
would have invited your entire family?
261
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:39,410
Well,
262
00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:46,950
you do have a point there, Carlos.
263
00:18:47,970 --> 00:18:51,490
And I'll tell you what, I don't care...
if you're a prince or whatever you are,
264
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:54,910
as long as you are decent to my sister,
because she's the only one I've got and
265
00:18:54,910 --> 00:18:55,930
she's been through enough.
266
00:18:56,690 --> 00:18:58,010
You have my word.
267
00:18:58,390 --> 00:18:59,830
My royal word.
268
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:05,870
Everybody out of the cab! This one's for
Jackie and Carlo!
269
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:15,970
Shall we?
270
00:19:16,570 --> 00:19:17,570
Let's shall.
271
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:24,520
These kind of perfect days don't usually
happen to me. Or any kind of perfect
272
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:25,720
day, as a matter of fact.
273
00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:30,040
Jackie, words can't express the effect
you've had on me.
274
00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:32,780
I feel as though I've known you my
entire life.
275
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:38,560
God,
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00:19:41,060 --> 00:19:42,460
I love this town!
21643
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