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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,220 --> 00:00:20,740 Now, Colonel, I've been on a good many army posts and these waves of gambling 2 00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:22,360 among the enlisted men come and go. 3 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:28,200 Well, it comes here when a certain sergeant named Bilko is about to go on a 4 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:29,580 furlough and needs money. 5 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,320 Well, there's bound to be a certain amount of gambling. A certain amount, 6 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,080 But here they bet on everything now. 7 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:39,460 On whether it's going to rain or not. On what I'm going to have for breakfast. 8 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:44,600 I can't even eat. I look at an egg and I see Bilko collecting money from someone 9 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:45,680 who had me down for pancakes. 10 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:49,980 Send in Corporal Barbella. 11 00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:53,860 He's one of Bilko's henchmen who got careless. I'm cracking down. 12 00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:56,340 Corporal Barbella reporting, sir. 13 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:01,440 Corporal, I realize that you're just a tool in the hands of a mastermind. 14 00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:04,000 Sergeant Bilko had nothing to do with this. I didn't mention any names. 15 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,620 I suppose you know why you're here, Corporal. Yes, sir. I was caught 16 00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:09,860 craps after lights out. 17 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,560 Shooting craps after lights out? 18 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:13,800 Bilko invention. 19 00:01:13,980 --> 00:01:14,980 Luminous dice. 20 00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:22,560 Corporal, I want you to take word back to Bilko's Barracks, otherwise known as 21 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,820 Little Las Vegas. 22 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,520 But I'm getting fed up and I'm cracking down. 23 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:28,298 Yes, sir. 24 00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:31,380 Good heavens, what was that? Oh, a single -core carrier pigeon. 25 00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:34,160 Thank heavens for them. 26 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:38,000 It's the only thing that I've been able to get the men interested in that's 27 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,580 worthwhile. They fly them to Camp Crofter and back. Oh, excellent, 28 00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:42,860 Very relaxing, sir. 29 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,800 You'll have 15 days to relax. 30 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,240 15 days, sir? 31 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,400 I'm restricting you to post for 15 days. 32 00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:50,700 Yes, sir. 33 00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:56,260 Well, Captain, I suppose you have the general idea of what our problem is. 34 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,960 Yes, the general idea and somehow how to solve it. 35 00:02:00,180 --> 00:02:01,500 You can stop this gambling? 36 00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:02,980 Let's face it, Colonel. 37 00:02:03,420 --> 00:02:08,699 This is a service installation and it just hasn't any recreational facilities. 38 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,680 There's not even a morale officer on the post. 39 00:02:12,260 --> 00:02:13,260 We had one. 40 00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:15,180 He came down with melancholia. 41 00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:24,170 Well, Colonel, it's up to the officers to see that the men get interested in 42 00:02:24,170 --> 00:02:27,430 something else, something more cultural like music and poetry. 43 00:02:27,870 --> 00:02:31,870 Captain, you're new at Fort Baxter. My men are not interested in that. Now, I 44 00:02:31,870 --> 00:02:36,410 know, I know, but fortunately my wife, Gloria, and I have had quite a good deal 45 00:02:36,410 --> 00:02:37,930 of experience in this kind of work. 46 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:43,060 All right, I'll call an emergency meeting of several officers and their 47 00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:44,900 my quarters this evening. Fine, fine. 48 00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:46,800 Send in Lieutenant Anderson. 49 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:51,780 Oh, and having a enlisted man there to get the men's point of view is 50 00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:54,580 Somebody good at promoting post activities. 51 00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:57,060 Captain, I'll give you the biggest promoter in the army. 52 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,780 Lieutenant, see that this message gets to Sergeant Bilko immediately. 53 00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:05,260 But, sir, this is their study period. Interrupt them. This is important. 54 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:06,640 Yes, sir. 55 00:03:07,679 --> 00:03:08,679 Study period. 56 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,360 Under the G, 56. 57 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,320 Under the B, 12. 58 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,020 Under the B, 12. 59 00:03:16,340 --> 00:03:18,140 Hold it. All right, what is it now? 60 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:19,440 I need more corn. 61 00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:20,540 Give her more corn. 62 00:03:21,340 --> 00:03:23,860 Doberman, do you come here to eat or to play bingo? Look alive. 63 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:25,980 Under the O, 70. 64 00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:29,600 Under the U, 70. Hold it, brass coming. Brass coming. All right, 65 00:03:30,780 --> 00:03:34,360 here it is, men. A very important detail. Perimeter 3, 37. 66 00:03:36,269 --> 00:03:38,370 Longitude 36, latitude 43. 67 00:03:39,690 --> 00:03:41,550 Lieutenant, how are you, sir? Sergeant Bilko. 68 00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:44,910 Message from Colonel Hall. Thank you, sir. I'm just putting the men through a 69 00:03:44,910 --> 00:03:46,390 little map drill, you see. Go right ahead. 70 00:03:46,950 --> 00:03:48,670 Perimeter 6, 14. 71 00:03:49,910 --> 00:03:51,510 I've never seen such small mounts. 72 00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:55,490 Oh, I had them made especially. It sharpens their vision, sir. Keeps them 73 00:03:55,490 --> 00:03:56,490 ball. You understand. 74 00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:58,930 Perimeter 3, 84. 75 00:03:59,470 --> 00:04:00,470 Bingo! 76 00:04:04,170 --> 00:04:05,170 What was what, sir? 77 00:04:05,390 --> 00:04:09,070 Somebody said bingo. No, sir, that was Private Doberman. He yelled, Bilko, he's 78 00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:12,230 full of questions. Oh, he really wants to learn. I'll help him a little later. 79 00:04:12,450 --> 00:04:13,850 Thank you, sir. That's all. Thank you. 80 00:04:14,510 --> 00:04:16,190 Perimeter 384. 81 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,250 All clear. 82 00:04:18,529 --> 00:04:19,529 Cards over. 83 00:04:19,670 --> 00:04:21,430 Under the N30. 84 00:04:21,709 --> 00:04:23,050 Under the N30. 85 00:04:24,090 --> 00:04:27,110 Hold it. Under the B2. Under the B2. 86 00:04:27,430 --> 00:04:31,210 Hey, Bilko, I just got this on the radio. The pigeons landed at Camp Crop. 87 00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:32,870 All right. 88 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,360 Take it easy. 89 00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:36,360 Pigeons left, 0900. 90 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,020 Arrived, 0917. 91 00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:44,120 And the winner, Little Blue Wing, paying 660 to win, 330 to place, 2 ,000. I got 92 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,120 it. 93 00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:49,120 Second, Speedy Sal, 220, 210. 220, that's me. 94 00:04:49,340 --> 00:04:53,680 And for third, Hurry Up Harry, paying 360 to show. I got it. All right, fans, 95 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,140 stand by for the Daily Double. 96 00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:57,780 All right, police the area. 97 00:04:58,180 --> 00:05:01,700 Okay, come on, Doberman, help me with this. Hi, Ernie. Hey, there's Rocco. 98 00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:02,780 Rocco. 99 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,240 All right, quiet, quiet. 100 00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:06,780 Restricted you to the quarters, huh? 101 00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:09,100 He gave me exactly... Call it. 102 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:14,060 All right, now, all you men, all you men who are in the how many days we'll call 103 00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:16,940 for Barbella restricted pool, get ready with your slips. 104 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:21,740 All right, what was your lucky number? I got 15 days. 105 00:05:21,980 --> 00:05:23,920 15 is the lucky number. 15, I don't know. 106 00:05:30,919 --> 00:05:33,160 What's going on here? On the double formation. 107 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:40,320 May I remind you men that you are still in the United States 108 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:44,780 Army. What is this goofing off and wandering around? We got work to do. And 109 00:05:44,780 --> 00:05:46,700 so much time to do it. On the ball. 110 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,440 We've got a busy schedule. 111 00:05:48,820 --> 00:05:49,820 Now pay attention. 112 00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:52,960 The finals in the gin rummy round robin start at two. 113 00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:57,840 At three there will be a meeting of the jacks or better literary circle. 114 00:05:58,820 --> 00:06:02,760 All bets on what color Lieutenant Duber's wife's hair will be this week 115 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:03,760 in by five o 'clock. 116 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,960 Corporal Barbella will be outside of the post beauty shop and rush us the 117 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,940 results. The canasta tournament starts at seven sharp right after the bed 118 00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:13,100 contest. And some of the foods march. 119 00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:14,620 All right, watch with the military. 120 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,080 Take it easy. 121 00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:19,760 And Captain Wells. 122 00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:22,410 Mrs. Whitney and Captain Whitney. 123 00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:23,710 How are you doing, Captain? 124 00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:27,650 And now that we've all met the newest members of our post family, Captain 125 00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:32,570 Whitney and his lovely wife, shall I call the meeting to order? 126 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:37,430 Well, I think we'd better wait for Bilko. Oh, yes, I guess so. We can't 127 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:41,930 well discuss gambling on the post without Sergeant Bilko present. It's 128 00:06:41,930 --> 00:06:44,490 having a cabinet meeting without the president. 129 00:06:45,790 --> 00:06:50,250 Really, John, Sergeant Bilko is as sweet as most consistent. Young man. All 130 00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:51,530 right, Nell. He's just misunderstood. 131 00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:55,250 But, Nell, let me tell you, if you... Come in. 132 00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:58,130 Colonel Hall. 133 00:06:58,190 --> 00:07:01,370 Sorry I'm late, sir. I was going over your orders of the day with my men. I 134 00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:04,050 became so absorbed in them, I lost track of the time, sir. 135 00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:05,450 I'm sure. 136 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,850 Welcome, Sergeant Bilko. 137 00:07:07,150 --> 00:07:08,150 Thank you, miss. 138 00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:10,950 Colonel, you didn't tell me your daughter was visiting you for the 139 00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,530 It's Mrs. Hall. 140 00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:18,730 Excuse me. If you keep getting any younger... 141 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,530 If you get any younger, we're going to lose you to a rookie. 142 00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:24,670 All right, Bill Canole, let's get to work. 143 00:07:25,590 --> 00:07:29,990 Hi. Oh, there you are. Oh, you make a sofa a throne. 144 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,150 That's what I call this meeting. Well, Mrs. 145 00:07:33,610 --> 00:07:37,310 Doober, whatever have you done to your hair? It's enchanting. You're lovely. 146 00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:38,590 What color is that? 147 00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:39,910 It's two -tone. 148 00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:41,530 All bets are off. 149 00:07:42,230 --> 00:07:44,930 Oh, I'm sorry. We just... Bill Canole. Excuse me. 150 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,540 When are you going to get one of those Italian boy cuts and drive the post out 151 00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:49,419 of its mind? 152 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:54,020 Oh, I... But you are devastatingly... Bilko, please. I'm sorry, sir. I was 153 00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:57,840 so carried away that... Excuse me, I don't believe we've met. Oh, Mrs. 154 00:07:57,980 --> 00:08:01,760 this is Sergeant Bilko. Oh, how do you do? Well, bisous vous, très charmant. 155 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,160 Oh, mais pas jolie. Oh, it is charming. 156 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:08,920 Oh, they are lovely. I'm sorry I just carried away when there's so much beauty 157 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,020 one forgets. 158 00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:15,420 Oh, you girls won't give us batches a chance, will you? You're lovely, you 159 00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:16,440 savages, you. 160 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:17,660 Sorry, 161 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,480 sir. I call this meeting at the request of Captain Whitney. 162 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:29,540 He thinks that we'll be able to stop this hysterical wave of gambling that's 163 00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:30,820 gripping our post. 164 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:33,700 A wave of gambling, I may add. 165 00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:37,110 that is spearheaded by one mastermind. 166 00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:39,150 Well, who is this mastermind? 167 00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:41,169 Oh, excuse me, please, Colonel. 168 00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:42,909 Would you mind saying that again? 169 00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,710 What? I mean what you just said. 170 00:08:44,970 --> 00:08:46,770 Well, who is this mastermind? 171 00:08:46,990 --> 00:08:47,990 Don't tell me. I know. 172 00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:51,530 The Broadway stage. Am I right? I beg your pardon? You must have been on the 173 00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:55,030 stage. Only one of the stage can speak with such authority, such clarity of 174 00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:57,550 tone. All right, Pilto. Oh, excuse me. This is important. 175 00:08:57,810 --> 00:08:59,870 The dramatic love. She's perfect for Camille. 176 00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,390 Camille! She's beautiful. 177 00:09:01,850 --> 00:09:03,250 Camille! Ladies, please! 178 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,300 I know her. 179 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:10,580 Vilco! I'm sorry, sir. I've seen you. I've seen you. 180 00:09:12,060 --> 00:09:14,040 Captain Whitney! 181 00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:16,460 Will you take over? 182 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:21,480 Glad to have you aboard, Captain. 183 00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:26,740 Oh, Colonel, you do surround yourself with splendid men. You certainly do. 184 00:09:31,580 --> 00:09:33,060 I have found it. 185 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,580 Men gamble as a substitute for other forms of recreation. 186 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:40,800 So just give them something constructive to do, like handicraft. 187 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,180 Now! 188 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:44,720 Colonel, 189 00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:48,380 have you a woodworking shop on the post? 190 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,980 We had one. The men worked like beavers for one week. 191 00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:53,400 Really? What did they build? 192 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,760 A crap table. 193 00:09:56,430 --> 00:10:00,530 Yes, I was never so shocked in my entire life. And in whose barracks did we 194 00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:04,910 discover it? Oh, my, what a lovely anti -commissar. Oh, isn't it lovely? 195 00:10:05,650 --> 00:10:09,570 Don't shock me again. You didn't make this yourself. Oh, don't be angry. 196 00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:13,690 It's just me. It's a dream come true. Dream come true. 197 00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:15,990 Dream come true. 198 00:10:16,930 --> 00:10:17,970 Dream come true. 199 00:10:22,860 --> 00:10:28,580 My wife and I formed a successful project in, remember Camp Collins, 200 00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:29,920 Oh, yes, folk dancing. 201 00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:31,620 The men loved it. 202 00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:32,900 We tried that. 203 00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,380 Mrs. Duber, tell them what happened. 204 00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:39,940 Somebody brought in hostesses and began charging ten cents a dance. 205 00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:44,880 Won't you try some of Mrs. Hall's icebox cookies? You'll find it lovely. 206 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,240 Oh, 207 00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:48,900 what you can do with two eggs is amazing. 208 00:10:51,569 --> 00:10:52,569 Ladies, 209 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:59,530 please! Bilko! This is a meeting. 210 00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:00,790 I'm sorry, sir. 211 00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:06,970 Instead of talking about recipes, tell them about that bird watchers club we 212 00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:07,970 formed for you men. 213 00:11:08,070 --> 00:11:10,390 Oh, yes, it was the most exhilarating experience. 214 00:11:10,730 --> 00:11:12,030 And very strange, too. 215 00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:15,030 When anyone saw bobble ink, money changed hands. 216 00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,450 Bobble ink was three to one. 217 00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,850 I mean, we were raising money to get a bird back. 218 00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:24,190 You see, the last thing we want on this post are dirty birds. 219 00:11:25,990 --> 00:11:27,770 Do you see how hopeless it is? 220 00:11:28,380 --> 00:11:34,080 Oh, please. Colonel, Gloria and I face tougher problems than this. 221 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,360 Remember, dear? 222 00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:36,920 Poor Green Star. 223 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,600 Tell us about it, Mrs. Whitney. 224 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,440 Oh, yes, do tell us about it. Oh, you must be one. 225 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,560 We want to hear you speak. It'll be so enchanting. Won't you please? 226 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,860 Oh, Captain, you are a lucky man. 227 00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:53,120 Oh, I know where I saw her. The movies. I saw you in the movies. I know it. 228 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,840 Gloria. Yes. 229 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:02,160 To begin with, you see, what happened was this. 230 00:12:02,620 --> 00:12:07,080 Ted simply just couldn't seem to get anywhere with any projects. The men just 231 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:11,000 weren't interested. And then I remembered a lecture I gave back in 232 00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:12,220 Sarah Lawrence. 233 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,060 That's where I saw you. It's a girls' school. 234 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:21,780 Well, anyway, so I made up this wonderful lecture, and it was all about 235 00:12:21,780 --> 00:12:23,920 Beethoven, his life in music. 236 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,680 Oh, Gloria, don't be modest. It was a smashing success. 237 00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:32,480 Oh, it sounds enchanting, doesn't it, Colonel Beethoven? I've given it 17 238 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:37,620 since. Wherever Ted stations, sooner or later they ask for it. Sir, it can't 239 00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:39,960 miss. Well, I don't know. 240 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,200 Well, we could schedule it in the recreation hall for Saturday night. 241 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,360 Yes, we could start the evening with a string quartet playing some of the more 242 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:53,600 popular music like Bartok and Stravinsky, and then Gloria takes the 243 00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:54,680 Ted. 244 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:58,300 Well, we'll have to see if the men will go for it. 245 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,640 What do you think, Sergeant Bill? 246 00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:05,040 Bilko! Oh, yes, yes, it's a smash. You can't miss, sir. It's wonderful. 247 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,480 Srebinski, Beethoven, oh, it'll be glorious. And to my dying day, I must 248 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:13,140 that I won't be there to see it, you see. I'll be away on my furlough. I am 249 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:14,140 afraid not. 250 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:15,800 Not, sir? 251 00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:20,940 Bilko, you're responsible for the gambling on this post, so I'm going to 252 00:13:20,940 --> 00:13:26,800 you responsible to see that that house Saturday night is going to be full, that 253 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,080 every seat is going to be filled. 254 00:13:28,570 --> 00:13:32,350 Bill, sir, with Beethoven and Stravinsky, get the men in on a night 255 00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:33,350 Quiet! 256 00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:37,190 You will get the tickets, and you will see that we have a full and responsive 257 00:13:37,190 --> 00:13:38,190 audience. 258 00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:42,550 But, sir, my furlough, it's all arranged. Otherwise, you will not go on 259 00:13:42,550 --> 00:13:45,530 furlough. But the things are all arranged in New York. The tickets for 260 00:13:45,530 --> 00:13:46,790 planetarium, the museum. 261 00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:51,230 And all the gifts I'm bringing back to Bill. No, no! 262 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,490 A full house. 263 00:13:54,870 --> 00:13:55,870 Yes, sir. 264 00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:59,640 And... Now that the meeting is over, anybody for bridge? 265 00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:01,060 Splendid idea. 266 00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:05,060 I'm afraid not, Mrs. Hall. After all, it is a form of gambling. 267 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,820 And I'll say good night. 268 00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:17,700 John, if you just let Sergeant Bilko go on his furlough... Now, please, get the 269 00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:18,700 bridge tables. 270 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:28,519 to tell you guys. 271 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,520 I promise not to tell. 272 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,760 Good morning, men. 273 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,160 Good morning, Sergeant Bilko. 274 00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:42,800 When I think of how I rack my brain to think of little things for you guys. 275 00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:44,880 Man, I got some tickets here. Freeze. 276 00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:47,060 Freeze, you commandos. 277 00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:50,740 This is the way you react, huh? When I'm trying, well, if you want to know 278 00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:52,640 something, wise guys, these tickets are free. 279 00:14:53,420 --> 00:14:55,620 And that's a word I don't use so often. 280 00:14:56,080 --> 00:15:03,060 I don't want this to get around the post. I'll be swamped for tickets. 281 00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:07,740 Men, this Saturday night, one night only, in person, you're going to see the 282 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,220 hottest little springboarder you ever saw. 283 00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:14,200 Hottest little what? You're not kidding when you said hottest little what, boy. 284 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:18,800 And just the way you've always dreamed of them. Fudge, I'll take a ticket. What 285 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:22,480 are we going to see, Sarge? You're going to see one of the greatest movement 286 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,720 quartets you ever saw. 287 00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:24,940 What did he say? 288 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,260 I think he said string quartet. 289 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,100 String quartet? 290 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:34,460 See, you're having fun already. Hey, well, wait a minute. It is a string 291 00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:35,460 quartet. 292 00:15:35,820 --> 00:15:37,440 Stravinsky. How about that, huh? 293 00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:38,820 What is this Stravinsky? 294 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,380 Jerk, that's Minsky. He went back to his old name. 295 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:46,360 Boys, this is a... How this ever got past the post -censor, I'll never 296 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,500 understand. Some heads are going to roll around here when they see this. 297 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,120 Hot stuff, M. Bilko. 298 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,640 Mrs. Gloria Whitney will present her lecture on Beethoven. 299 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,800 Yeah. A lecture on Beethoven? 300 00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,080 I'd rather take shots. Come here. Come here. 301 00:16:00,340 --> 00:16:04,460 Of course it says lecture. They've got to say lecture. 302 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,830 What it really is, is an expose. 303 00:16:07,730 --> 00:16:08,730 Expose. 304 00:16:08,890 --> 00:16:09,890 Expose. 305 00:16:10,110 --> 00:16:13,250 Listen, do I have to tell you, you heard stories about the musicians in those 306 00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:15,350 days? This Beethoven, whoo! 307 00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:17,730 Hot Lips Beatty, they used to call him. 308 00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:21,630 Boy, his private life story. There was one thing about him. 309 00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:26,430 In Heidelberg, there's a story, in the middle of a cantab, he was caught. 310 00:16:26,950 --> 00:16:28,570 I blush when I think of him. 311 00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:32,370 Are you kidding? This is nothing but long hair music. 312 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,320 Just for that, you can't go. 313 00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:36,700 Always suspicious. 314 00:16:36,740 --> 00:16:38,760 If he gave him a dollar bill, he'd want to know, why is it green? 315 00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:41,400 Beethoven. Stravinsky. Is he kidding? 316 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:45,280 Now, look, man, this is one big night with that long hair. What do you tell 317 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,720 lover? Serge, I'd like to go. 318 00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:12,690 Number six. All seven. Here, here. This one's on me. I wonder what... Hey, look 319 00:17:12,690 --> 00:17:13,710 what they just got in. 320 00:17:13,910 --> 00:17:16,349 I've been waiting for this for months. Is it real, Garland? 321 00:17:17,089 --> 00:17:19,910 Garland, it's so... It's the latest thing at the Birdland. Wait till you dig 322 00:17:19,910 --> 00:17:20,910 this. 323 00:17:22,230 --> 00:17:23,230 What do you have? 324 00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:24,390 Wow. 325 00:17:26,270 --> 00:17:31,290 He really had a beat, man. 326 00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:33,629 What's that? 327 00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:36,030 Where can you hear music like that these days? 328 00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:43,560 You'll love it. If you come to the rec hall, you'll have a... Now, fellas, 329 00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,060 remember. Now, give me a break. New York, Seymour, Lamar. 330 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,080 Anything but a lecture. 331 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,280 There must be somebody that goes for Beethoven. 332 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,500 How about Mrs. Beethoven? 333 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:53,960 Oh, stop with the jokes. 334 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,420 I got things to work out around here. 335 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,540 Hey, Bilko, how about a game of cards? 336 00:17:58,820 --> 00:17:59,820 Cards? 337 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,000 Gambling? When there's a fine thing like a lecture, men, you're all invited. 338 00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:05,740 Mrs. Whitney. 339 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,040 No, thanks. 340 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,420 Mrs. Whitney. 341 00:18:08,740 --> 00:18:09,740 No kidding. 342 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,560 So the twitch is on the post. 343 00:18:11,860 --> 00:18:16,000 The twitch? Yeah. I caught a lecture up at Fort Bender. Boy, did she twitch. 344 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,480 Like this. 345 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,880 Ludwig von Beethoven twitched. 346 00:18:21,580 --> 00:18:25,800 Oh, sure, I remember. I saw her give that lecture in Manila. She must have 347 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,400 tugged at a girdle 15 times. 348 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:28,760 15 times. 349 00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:30,440 You boys must have been asleep. 350 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:35,080 We took count up at Fort Bender. For Beethoven, it's always the same. 20 351 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:39,440 twitches. You're crazy. I seen that lecture five times. She never twitched 352 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:44,020 than 15. Don't tell me it's 20 twitches. Grover, you were in Manila. Did she 353 00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:45,520 ever twitch more than 15 times? 354 00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:48,440 Andy is right. 15 twitches is a limit. 355 00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:49,980 It's 20 every time. 356 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,180 Are you guys talking about the twitch? Yeah. What's your number? I seen her up 357 00:18:53,180 --> 00:18:54,820 at Fort Hamlet. She went 22. 358 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,240 But it was a hot night. 359 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:57,620 You're right. You're right. 360 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,420 He never twitched more than 15. 361 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:01,680 15? 362 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:06,300 50? She twitches more than that before she even gets up to talk. I was there. I 363 00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:07,299 was there. 364 00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:08,300 Wait, 365 00:19:08,820 --> 00:19:12,260 wait, wait. Hold it. You want to bet him? Bet him $20. Yeah. I'll take that. 366 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,300 You want to bet on that? 367 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,660 $20? You want to raise that? Yeah, I'll bet. 368 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,200 Wait, 369 00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:22,540 wait, wait. Why don't we do it right? 370 00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:23,740 Let's have a pool. 371 00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:24,840 A pool. All right. 372 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:31,320 Wait a minute. Now, one thing you're aware of. I'll be the only guy at the 373 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:35,240 lecture. You take my word for it, don't you? Oh, that will be the day. Give me 374 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,120 30 tickets. Give me 25. 375 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,580 Hey, Sarge, you got any more tickets? 376 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:44,900 Oh, you must be kidding. 377 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,680 Oh, a friend of mine's coming up from Chicago. He's dying to see the Twigs. 378 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,840 you kidding? There was a guy from company that got sick, went to the 379 00:19:51,860 --> 00:19:53,880 sold his ticket for 12 bucks. Hold everything. 380 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,560 30 bucks more on 15 twitches. My whole platoon shifted. 381 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,300 You got too much money on 15? Hey, this is getting hot. I just got a radiograph 382 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:02,300 of Tokyo. 383 00:20:02,740 --> 00:20:04,680 $40 on 14 twitches. 384 00:20:05,140 --> 00:20:06,380 $40. You got the loot? 385 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:10,120 Yeah. All right, did you get in touch with Manila, get all the information? 386 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:13,120 she broke the record with 26 twitches, I want to get all the information I can. 387 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,680 Yeah, they said it was a murderously hot night. 388 00:20:16,190 --> 00:20:17,590 Half the twitches were mosquitoes. 389 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:21,570 Well, I want everything I can learn about them. You know something? This is 390 00:20:21,570 --> 00:20:25,170 getting a little out of hand. But you know, the boys in Germany in the signal 391 00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:29,270 car, they all chipped in and they want to put a hundred bucks on 18 twitches 392 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,410 they're sending it by plane. 393 00:20:30,690 --> 00:20:33,170 Have you got enough on 18? Well, you lay out your own. All right, here. Cover 394 00:20:33,170 --> 00:20:35,390 the boys from Berlin for me. This is getting miraculous. 395 00:20:35,850 --> 00:20:39,670 You know what happened? Four busloads from a camp in Arizona came in. Two guys 396 00:20:39,670 --> 00:20:41,550 hitchhiked from Texas on their furlough. 397 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:46,400 This is going to be the night. I hope Mrs. Whitney's in good form. 398 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,580 I hope so, too. She's got more money riding on her than on the Kentucky 399 00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:58,020 Give him a minute. Give him a minute. Take your hats off. You guys with your 400 00:20:58,020 --> 00:20:58,959 hats off. 401 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,120 Come on. Keep it moving. 402 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,820 Find a room. Any place in the hall. Spread out. Spread out. Give everybody a 403 00:21:04,820 --> 00:21:05,820 chance. 404 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:10,200 Hold it. Sorry, boys. The fire laws. No more room. Go outside. Look through the 405 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,850 window. I don't understand it. They didn't turn out like this for Marilyn 406 00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:16,530 Monroe. Well, I told you, Colonel. There's a thirst for culture which 407 00:21:16,530 --> 00:21:21,770 denied. But I must admit that it's a bit of a new high even for Gloria. Oh, no. 408 00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,090 Well, we'd better get started. Where's Sergeant Bilko? 409 00:21:25,790 --> 00:21:26,790 Bilko! 410 00:21:26,990 --> 00:21:30,570 We'd better get started, sir. Yes, yes. All right, sir. If you'll just take your 411 00:21:30,570 --> 00:21:32,250 seat. All right, men. Simmer down. 412 00:21:32,710 --> 00:21:36,150 This is it, men. This is what we've been waiting for. And you know who we can 413 00:21:36,150 --> 00:21:38,050 thank for this great evening of entertainment? 414 00:21:38,730 --> 00:21:42,490 Our beloved C .O., and in my book, he's C .O. of the year. 415 00:21:42,710 --> 00:21:45,950 And I know you want to meet him and show him how you feel about him. Here he is, 416 00:21:46,010 --> 00:21:47,590 Colonel J .T. Hall. 417 00:21:52,150 --> 00:21:53,970 How do you like this, Colonel? They're going to love you. 418 00:21:55,030 --> 00:21:57,110 Good evening, music lovers. 419 00:22:01,490 --> 00:22:03,470 I'd like to introduce Mrs. 420 00:22:03,810 --> 00:22:04,810 Gloria Whitney. 421 00:22:05,610 --> 00:22:08,470 who will speak to us on the subject of Beethoven. 422 00:22:09,470 --> 00:22:16,470 Thank you, thank 423 00:22:16,470 --> 00:22:17,850 you. Well, now. 424 00:22:20,370 --> 00:22:26,410 Ludwig von Beethoven was born in the little town of Bonn, Germany, in the 425 00:22:26,410 --> 00:22:27,990 1770. 426 00:22:35,139 --> 00:22:36,900 1771, 1770. 427 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:44,420 Little did Ludwig's family realize what the future held in store for him. 428 00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:52,400 At the age of 15, he developed 429 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:58,460 so rapidly and all sorts of things in improvisation, including the violin and 430 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,920 the piano. 431 00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:09,480 And that was the sixth tug, and she's not even breathing hard. 432 00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:14,360 You boys in Manila would be proud of her. And to all of you camps who just 433 00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:18,020 joined the network, she started out free and easy. 434 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,320 Whoops, there goes tug number seven. 435 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,920 Well, this gal is really doing it free and easy, and she's wonderful. 436 00:23:28,060 --> 00:23:30,300 Came back to all points off the air. 437 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,620 All the gears. 438 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:46,100 Ludwig von Beethoven had really left behind him a musical heritage that 439 00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:50,860 will always be remembered by music lovers the world over. 440 00:24:03,469 --> 00:24:05,850 magnificent, Mrs. Whitney. I cried like a baby. 441 00:24:06,770 --> 00:24:08,330 Won't you give the boy some autographs? 442 00:24:09,770 --> 00:24:10,850 Wasn't it great, Colonel? 443 00:24:11,070 --> 00:24:12,810 Be in my office first thing in the morning. 444 00:24:13,050 --> 00:24:14,050 Yes, sir. 445 00:24:14,210 --> 00:24:17,070 Shame. But, Colonel, you wanted a full house. 446 00:24:17,330 --> 00:24:20,150 We got this thing up so as to stop gambling. 447 00:24:20,810 --> 00:24:23,150 And we didn't want to start another Belmont Park. 448 00:24:24,390 --> 00:24:27,130 Bilko, you should be ashamed of yourself betting on a thing like that. 449 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,560 If you expect to get a furlough, you better forget it. Oh, sir, I forgot 450 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,720 the furlough. This is too big. 451 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,960 Oh, I'm going to follow this up. Lieutenant Wigman. 452 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,079 Your what? 453 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,000 Lieutenant Wigman is going to lecture next week on modern painting. I think 454 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,800 subject is the passion of Picasso. 455 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:44,000 Bilko, are you kidding me? 456 00:24:44,460 --> 00:24:47,880 Kidding? No, sir. You think this is a full house? Well, you see, next week I'm 457 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,520 going to have the tickets printed now. Excuse me, sir. 458 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,380 Lieutenant. Lieutenant Wigman. 459 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:53,579 Yes, sir. 460 00:24:53,580 --> 00:24:56,720 Did you tell Bilko that you were going to make a lecture next week? 461 00:24:57,130 --> 00:25:00,090 Oh, yes, sir. And he assured me that the men will love it. 462 00:25:01,010 --> 00:25:07,950 As you see, sir... I have an idea that there are certain periods in 463 00:25:07,950 --> 00:25:13,250 the life of Picasso... Excuse me! Excuse me! 464 00:25:13,450 --> 00:25:14,450 Mrs. 465 00:25:21,510 --> 00:25:23,090 Whitney was played by Charlotte Ray. 466 00:25:23,290 --> 00:25:25,370 Mrs. Paul by Hope Sandsbury. 38671

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