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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:03,480 All right, next item. I got a memo from the chief. 2 00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:07,600 He is tired of getting reports about security guards falling asleep at their 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:08,600 station. 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,280 Come on, guys, you're professionals. This is embarrassing. 5 00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:15,700 From now on, if you want to take a nap, get it sleeping, buddy. 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,560 That way, if one of you falls asleep, the other one can make sure you don't 7 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:21,560 caught. 8 00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:26,920 Okay, the last thing is the studio's doing a movie about a security guard, 9 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,280 some actor who's playing the lead is going to be shadowing us for a few days 10 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,280 research his role. 11 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:34,400 He's supposed to be coming by here this morning. Great, we're going to have some 12 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,120 little pretty boy actor breathing down our necks all week. 13 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,620 Hi, everyone. 14 00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:45,700 Oh, my God, 15 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:46,720 it's Waka! 16 00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:47,860 It's Waka! 17 00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:51,620 I call Chuck Norris as my sleeping buddy. 18 00:01:01,590 --> 00:01:04,910 Hey, guys, you never guessed who's going to be working side by side with me at 19 00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:06,610 the guard gate. Chuck Norris. 20 00:01:06,990 --> 00:01:08,610 He's doing a movie about security guards. 21 00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:11,590 Well, what do you like? He seemed nice. I mean, we only talked for a few 22 00:01:11,590 --> 00:01:14,530 seconds, but tomorrow we're going to be hanging out with him all day. 23 00:01:14,750 --> 00:01:17,850 Who knows? Maybe Chuck Norris and I are going to become friends. 24 00:01:18,550 --> 00:01:20,470 Wow, Chuck Norris. Yeah. 25 00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,590 Our first date was a Chuck Norris movie. 26 00:01:22,930 --> 00:01:26,690 And if I remember correctly, I was wearing that loose sweater, and 20 27 00:01:26,690 --> 00:01:28,910 into the movie, it was your hand that was missing in action. 28 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,720 Hey, you know, Stanley School has that auction coming up. Do you think Chuck 29 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,160 could sign some stuff for it? No, no, no, Kim. The poor guy's probably got 30 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,460 people bothering him all the time. 31 00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:41,900 People wanting to take a picture with him, people wanting him to sign stuff, 32 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,220 people walking up and singing a theme to Walker, Texas Ranger. 33 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,780 Come on. Who remembers the theme to Walker, Texas Ranger? 34 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:55,160 In the eyes of a ranger, the unsuspecting stranger had better know 35 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,160 from wrong and right. 36 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,700 Cause the eyes of the ranger are upon you. 37 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,320 Every wrong you do, he's gonna see. 38 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:09,120 Cause if you are in Texas, look behind you. 39 00:02:09,419 --> 00:02:12,320 Cause that's where the ranger's gonna be. 40 00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:28,790 Although this commission has no choice but to deny the requested military 41 00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:32,710 spending, all the evidence clearly shows that there are no more American 42 00:02:32,710 --> 00:02:33,710 prisoners of war. 43 00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:35,930 Just a minute, Senator. 44 00:02:36,170 --> 00:02:38,050 We have a few men here who disagree. 45 00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:39,890 Are 46 00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:47,370 you 47 00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:51,390 okay? Yeah, I just... I just had this weird dream. 48 00:02:52,810 --> 00:02:53,810 Oh, man. 49 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,120 I can't believe I'm so excited about working with technology tomorrow that 50 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,140 having dreams about them. 51 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:03,260 Man, if they got it working, it would really bust my chops. 52 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:09,240 In 53 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:18,000 the 54 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:21,620 eyes of a ranger, the unsuspecting stranger. 55 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,200 I'd better know the truth, not wrong from right. 56 00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:30,440 Cause the eyes of the ranger all up on you. 57 00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:34,500 He told me to listen to see. 58 00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:39,460 When you're in Texas, look behind you. 59 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,300 Cause that's where the ranger's gonna be. 60 00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:56,620 Hi, I'm Chuck Norris. Today I'm going to show you some exercises on the Total 61 00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:57,620 Gym. 62 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:05,280 The Total Gym is the fastest and most effective way to work out. The results 63 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,520 amazing. Right, Billy? 64 00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:08,300 That's right, Chuck. 65 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:09,860 Check this out. 66 00:04:13,940 --> 00:04:14,939 See that? 67 00:04:14,940 --> 00:04:18,880 My friend Billy went from a keg to a six -pack in just three short weeks. 68 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,780 Hey, Jim. Hey, Roy. What are you reading? 69 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,860 Just going over the security guard handbook in case Chuck has any 70 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,800 Look at you, going all out of your way to impress the guy. 71 00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:41,140 That is bad. 72 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,040 Are you wearing cologne? 73 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,300 Yeah, it's French. You think you'll like it? 74 00:04:58,220 --> 00:04:59,220 Up for Chuck, huh? 75 00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:00,260 Oh, is that today? 76 00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:03,119 Hey, guys. 77 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,500 Hey, Chuck. Wow, look at you in our uniform. 78 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,780 Boy, somebody tries to walk out of here with a ream of papers and post -its, 79 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,380 they are in for the surprise of their life. 80 00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:13,920 Guys, I want to say thanks for letting me observe. 81 00:05:14,460 --> 00:05:16,740 Now, I don't want you to do anything special because I'm here. 82 00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:19,560 I just want to get a feel for what you guys do day in and day out. 83 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,240 Excuse me. 84 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:25,700 Headquarter. 85 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,660 Huh? 86 00:05:27,950 --> 00:05:28,950 We'll be right there. 87 00:05:29,790 --> 00:05:32,190 A woman's locked herself out of her office in Bungalow 9. 88 00:05:32,530 --> 00:05:33,890 Looks like today starts early. 89 00:05:37,930 --> 00:05:38,930 Let's roll. 90 00:05:42,390 --> 00:05:45,570 Oh, thank God. I'm late for a meeting and I need my report. 91 00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,190 Mr. Savitsky's already called twice looking for me. 92 00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:49,410 Calm down, ma 'am. 93 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,030 I've got the situation under control now. 94 00:05:54,850 --> 00:05:56,630 So is this a typical call for you guys? 95 00:05:56,850 --> 00:05:57,519 Uh, yeah. 96 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,640 We're the guys they call when stuff like this goes down. 97 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:04,040 That's our job. We put out the fires. Well, not the actual fires. For that, 98 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:07,140 call the fire department. But if there's a big blow -up, they call us. 99 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,620 But not if something actually blows up. 100 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,140 Then they would just call the fire department again. 101 00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:16,580 Are you Chuck Norris? Uh, no, ma 'am. 102 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,280 Brian Banks, security guard. 103 00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:22,580 All right. 104 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,340 Here we go. 105 00:06:31,690 --> 00:06:32,690 I got it, ma 'am. 106 00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:34,770 Here we go. 107 00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:36,650 Jimmy, let me try. 108 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,470 Stop it. I got it. 109 00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:41,710 Stop. Look, you broke it off in the lock. You broke it off. 110 00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:45,910 I really have to get to this meeting. Don't worry, ma 'am. We'll send the 111 00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:47,210 down as soon as we get the door open. 112 00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:51,470 You know, Chuck, sometimes in this job you have to get a little physical. 113 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,320 Let me try. 114 00:07:07,020 --> 00:07:08,020 Ow. 115 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:12,300 Oh. You know, it looks a lot easier when you do it, Chuck. 116 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,520 Well, that's because in a movie it's a breakaway door. 117 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:20,280 Now, I'm no carpenter, but I think that door's made out of mahogany. 118 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,540 I'm no doctor, but I think I broke my foot. 119 00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:25,979 You know what? 120 00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:26,980 Try it with my credit card. 121 00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:31,280 Look, you already tried. Let me try. Oh, don't. Push me in front of Jack. 122 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:38,120 Now push me. Oh, you talking about pushing? Now push me. Okay, now go. 123 00:07:58,410 --> 00:08:01,970 fight over Chuck Norris yourselves. I'm out. What's your problem? This is crazy. 124 00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:04,990 This is the best job I've ever had and I'm not going to lose it over something 125 00:08:04,990 --> 00:08:08,910 stupid like this. I can't afford to. There's too many people counting on me 126 00:08:08,910 --> 00:08:12,690 home. I've got a family to worry about and I'm not going to lose it over 127 00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:14,690 something like this. That's more important to me than anything. 128 00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:18,210 There's too many people counting on me at home. I've got a family to worry 129 00:08:18,210 --> 00:08:20,190 and that's more important than anything. 130 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:25,770 What? That's the character, Jimmy. That's the character I'm looking for. 131 00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:27,030 Really? Yeah. 132 00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:28,830 Hey, I've got to take off. 133 00:08:29,490 --> 00:08:31,490 Jimmy, why don't you come over to the house tonight? 134 00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:34,710 What? Why don't you come over and hang out and let me learn more about you. 135 00:08:34,770 --> 00:08:38,990 Okay. Sure, Chuck. Thanks, man. So, Chuck, I don't have any plans tonight. 136 00:08:40,929 --> 00:08:41,929 Me either. 137 00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:44,550 Well, great. Why don't you two get together and do something? 138 00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:58,410 Hi, I'm here to see Chuck. Oh, sure, you must be Jimmy. Come on in. 139 00:08:58,650 --> 00:08:59,650 Yeah, okay. 140 00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,390 I'm Chuck's wife, Gina. 141 00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:02,649 Oh, wow. 142 00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:03,650 Good for him. 143 00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:08,530 I mean, I mean, I mean, good for you. Good, you know, good for, good for all 144 00:09:08,530 --> 00:09:09,530 you. 145 00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:12,970 Chuck will be out in a minute. He's in the middle of his nightly ride. 146 00:09:13,190 --> 00:09:15,690 Oh, cool. What's he, uh, what's he got, like a Harley or something? 147 00:09:16,030 --> 00:09:18,070 Chugga -chugga -chugga, choo -choo. 148 00:09:18,530 --> 00:09:20,590 Chugga -chugga -chugga, choo -choo. 149 00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:21,990 Chugga -chugga -chugga. 150 00:09:22,210 --> 00:09:23,450 Okay, last stop. 151 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:24,720 Sleepy town. 152 00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:29,380 Oh, 153 00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:32,540 I think it's time for bed. 154 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,780 Say goodnight. It's time for bed. 155 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:38,500 Goodnight, sweetheart. 156 00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:42,300 Goodnight. Wow, hey, Chuck, I didn't realize you had a daughter. 157 00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,060 Yeah. Actually, I got twins. 158 00:09:44,340 --> 00:09:45,680 Her brother's asleep right now. 159 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:47,500 Boy, they're a handful. 160 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,400 How about you? Yeah, I got two boys. 161 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,320 Either one of them and their terrible tooth? 162 00:09:51,580 --> 00:09:52,580 Yeah, both. 163 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:53,940 Unfortunately, they're five and seven. 164 00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:56,860 Well, grab a seat. Okay, sure. 165 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:01,400 Can I get you something to drink? Uh, yeah, yeah. I'd love a beer or 166 00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:03,340 Ah. 167 00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:07,140 Never thought I'd, uh, be in Chuck Norris' living room. 168 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:10,060 At least not without a star map and a crowbar. 169 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:16,040 I'm sorry, Jimmy. The only thing I have in the fridge are these juice boxes. 170 00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:18,660 Oh. 171 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:20,360 Harvest peach. 172 00:10:21,729 --> 00:10:24,170 Now, if you don't like that, I think I got some Mary Berry's left. 173 00:10:24,430 --> 00:10:25,850 Uh, no, no. 174 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,190 Peach is good. 175 00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:43,530 It's the spot. 176 00:10:45,450 --> 00:10:46,450 Now, 177 00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:49,110 listen, Chuck, I know you've been wanting to know everything there is to 178 00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:51,740 about being a security guard, so I've given it a lot of thought. 179 00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:57,700 A lot of people make fun of security guards, but the reality is that it can 180 00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:58,780 very dangerous job. 181 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,780 And we really are the first line of defense before the cops get there. And 182 00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:05,440 that's always in the back of your mind when you're putting on the badge every 183 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:08,940 morning. Because the truth is, bad things could happen. 184 00:11:10,860 --> 00:11:12,800 Do you know the words to Little Bunny Foo Foo? 185 00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:18,420 Excuse me? 186 00:11:18,430 --> 00:11:20,990 I'm sorry, but my kids keep asking me to sing this song to them. 187 00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:24,150 And you said you had kids, and I thought maybe you might know the words to it. 188 00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:32,350 Little bunny foo -foo hopping through the forest. 189 00:11:32,570 --> 00:11:33,269 Hold on, hold on. 190 00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:34,270 Let me get a pen. 191 00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:44,810 Hey, I was hanging out with Chuck. 192 00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:47,170 I don't know. 193 00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:49,350 We just talked for a little while and watched a movie. 194 00:11:49,590 --> 00:11:50,590 Was it fun? 195 00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:57,330 Yeah, I don't know, I guess. It just wasn't what I expected. He's just a 196 00:11:57,330 --> 00:12:00,410 guy, a dad with kids. It was like watching a movie with Greg. 197 00:12:02,530 --> 00:12:05,870 Really? Did Chuck pretend he had to go to the bathroom doing the scary part? 198 00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:12,110 That was one movie, Christine, and I happened to grow up in a house that may 199 00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:13,950 may not have had a poltergeist. 200 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,240 Hey, Jimmy, it's Chuck. 201 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,400 Oh, hey, Chuck. 202 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,299 How's it going? 203 00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:27,160 Great. Hey, I forgot to ask you what time I should meet you at the studio 204 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,160 tomorrow. 205 00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:32,340 Well, my shift starts at 9, so I'll probably get there around 9 .15. 206 00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:35,900 Okay, great. 207 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,080 Look who's up. 208 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,960 What are you doing up, sweetheart, huh? 209 00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,520 Come here. Come here to Daddy. 210 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:46,040 Oh, Jimmy, you went through this not too long ago. What do you do when your kids 211 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,040 wake up in the middle of the night? 212 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:51,020 I usually start snoring and hope I win the fake sleeping contest with my wife. 213 00:12:53,180 --> 00:12:56,300 Hey, someone wants to say hi to you. Dan Lee, you want to say hi to Jimmy? 214 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,060 Okay. Okay. Say hi to him, sweetheart. 215 00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:00,540 Oh, no. 216 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,940 Now Dakota's up. Keep talking to Dan Lee, will you? 217 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:05,880 Chuck, Chuck, no. 218 00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:07,420 Hello. Hi. 219 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,200 Hi, Dan Lee. 220 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,580 Okay. 221 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,000 No. No, I don't think so. 222 00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:16,040 No, no. No, I really don't want to. 223 00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:19,810 No, don't cry. 224 00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:21,490 Don't cry. 225 00:13:22,650 --> 00:13:25,250 Please don't die. Little bunny foo -foo. 226 00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:29,530 Scooping out the field mice, bopping them on the head. 227 00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:34,749 Hey, guys. 228 00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:35,689 Oh, hey, Chuck. 229 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,130 Hey, Jimmy, I won't be able to shadow you today, but I was thinking that if 230 00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:42,070 you're not doing anything for lunch, why don't you meet me at Joey's Gym on 231 00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:45,550 Robertson? Ah, Joey's Gym. Cool. Okay, great. Okay. All right, man. 232 00:13:45,930 --> 00:13:46,930 See you down there. 233 00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:49,490 Well, this is more like it, okay? 234 00:13:49,710 --> 00:13:53,330 I'm going to be working out with Mr. Chuck Norris. I thought it was cool 235 00:13:53,330 --> 00:13:56,910 I'd be hanging out with Chuck Norris. I never dreamed he'd actually take me down 236 00:13:56,910 --> 00:13:57,910 to the dojo. 237 00:13:57,930 --> 00:13:58,930 I did. 238 00:13:59,650 --> 00:14:03,570 Only in my dream, we both ate baskets and baskets of fried clams. 239 00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:07,770 At the dojo? 240 00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:10,310 Oh, I thought you said hojo. 241 00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:17,390 And all I know is at lunch today, I am going to be pumping iron at the gym with 242 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,890 Mr. Chuck Norris. 243 00:14:24,070 --> 00:14:25,070 Hey, Jimmy, over here. 244 00:14:26,850 --> 00:14:28,050 I thought you'd bring your kids. 245 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:32,010 Huh? Oh, never mind. I got two of them. Come over here next to Dakota and grab a 246 00:14:32,010 --> 00:14:33,010 corner. 247 00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:35,890 You're just in time for the parachute song. 248 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,120 How much time with Chuck these past few days? I didn't expect to see you. I 249 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,100 decided I needed a little alone time. 250 00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:06,260 Don't answer that. 251 00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:08,920 Hey, Jimmy, it's Chuck. 252 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:12,220 I just looked at three magazines and can't get a straight answer. 253 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,780 When do you go from divers to pull -ups? 254 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,280 Call back. 255 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,000 Why did you want to talk to him? 256 00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:30,130 You know what? 257 00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:31,970 I'm just going to take a chance. Bye. 258 00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:37,510 Jimmy, quick question. Do these wipes dry out? 259 00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:41,330 Because I'm buying them in bulk, and it seems like there's about 20 ,000 of them 260 00:15:41,330 --> 00:15:42,330 in there. 261 00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:43,550 Wait, wait. 262 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:44,610 Inside the big box? 263 00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,370 They're just regular small packages. We're cool. Later. 264 00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:53,850 Hey, it's me. Just realized my kids are almost potty trained. 265 00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:56,370 I don't think I'm going to need 20 ,000 wipes. 266 00:15:57,170 --> 00:15:58,170 I'm not going to buy them. 267 00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:00,780 I guess I didn't have to call and tell you that. Sorry. 268 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,480 It's killing me, Christine. 269 00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:09,060 This isn't what I pictured when I thought about hanging out with Chuck 270 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,240 Come on, Jimmy. Is it really such a bad thing that Chuck Norris is just a 271 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:13,079 regular dad? 272 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,300 I don't want to hang out with Chuck Norris, the dad. 273 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,540 I've got enough friends that are dads. 274 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,620 I want to hang out with Chuck Norris, the action hero. 275 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,280 Well, what are you going to do, Jimmy? Break up with him? 276 00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:29,980 How do you break up with Chuck Norris? 277 00:16:31,260 --> 00:16:33,780 I don't know. I guess I'm going to have to take him to a public place. There 278 00:16:33,780 --> 00:16:34,800 won't be some big scene. 279 00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:41,140 Hey, Jimmy, do you know they have CDs now where they put your kids' names in? 280 00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:42,580 Listen to this. 281 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:49,620 Pretty cool, huh? 282 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,200 Want to hear a prayer, Shaka? 283 00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:55,280 Dump him. We are so over. 284 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,000 It's Gina calling me from home. 285 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,560 She's sending me a picture. 286 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:10,880 Oh, wow! 287 00:17:12,339 --> 00:17:13,339 Finally! 288 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,300 Dakota's sitting on the potty, Jimmy. Look at this. Dakota's sitting on the 289 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,420 potty. Chuck, we need to talk. 290 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:20,560 Okay. 291 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:24,119 Listen, Chuck. 292 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,119 This relationship isn't working out for me. 293 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:30,640 What do you mean? 294 00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:32,020 Well, I just... 295 00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:35,650 I thought hanging out with you would be different, you know? 296 00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:40,430 I wanted to hang out with Chuck Norris, the movie star, you know? Tough, 297 00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:41,450 dangerous. 298 00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:45,970 That's the Chuck Norris who holds up a diaper and says, Jimmy, is it supposed 299 00:17:45,970 --> 00:17:46,970 be this color? 300 00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:49,750 What are you saying? 301 00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:56,250 I'm saying that maybe we should go our separate ways. 302 00:17:57,070 --> 00:18:00,550 Maybe you should shadow someone else. 303 00:18:01,710 --> 00:18:03,990 Look, I can't live up to the way I am on the screen, okay? 304 00:18:05,370 --> 00:18:08,290 I mean, really think about it, Jimmy. If someone hit you over the head with a 305 00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:09,310 chair, you'd be in a coma. 306 00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:15,750 I'm sorry, Chuck. I guess I was just hoping for something more. 307 00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:19,090 Well, the Chuck Norris you were hoping for isn't a person, Jimmy. 308 00:18:19,630 --> 00:18:20,630 It's a persona. 309 00:18:21,470 --> 00:18:24,710 And I thought a down -to -earth guy like you would see that and like me for who 310 00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:26,990 I am, but I guess I was wrong. 311 00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:31,540 I'm sorry I disappointed you. No, wait, Chuck. All right, I'm sorry. 312 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,780 Let's save it, okay? You've said enough. 313 00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:39,320 Sorry about that, buddy. Hey, look at this. Chuck Norris. Excuse me. 314 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,820 You think you're so tough, don't you? 315 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,560 Look, nobody's looking for trouble, okay? 316 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:46,580 Well, what's the matter? I mean, you're Chuck Norris. You're not supposed to 317 00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:48,540 take this crap from a dirtbag like me. 318 00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:49,820 Please don't poke me. 319 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:53,020 You know what? Just leave him alone. He's not the Chuck Norris you think he 320 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:53,739 Oh, yeah? 321 00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:55,700 Not that tough in real life, are you? 322 00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:58,800 Now be nice. 323 00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:02,900 So long, Jimmy. 324 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:07,380 Wait, wait, wait. Don't go. This is what I was talking about. This is the Chuck 325 00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,920 Norris I wanted to hang out with. 326 00:20:09,980 --> 00:20:10,980 Sorry. 327 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,680 You had your chance. 328 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,600 Wait, Chuck. 329 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:19,880 Chuck. 330 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,200 I'm sorry. 331 00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:39,020 Hey, don't forget to stop at the store and pick up some paper and some post 332 00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:42,220 -its. I don't need to stop at the store. I snagged some stuff from the supply 333 00:20:42,220 --> 00:20:43,700 closet. No one will ever know. 334 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,140 Oh, I beg to differ. 335 00:20:45,380 --> 00:20:46,380 Chuck Norris? 336 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,100 Brian Banks, security guard. 25355