All language subtitles for Yes Dear s04e02 Hooked On Comics

One, two, three! You got a wife to keep
in love with you!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! You're standing on the
poker for the dude!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! You're gonna live your
life the best you can!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! See your family, who's
up to plan?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

We're family, family, family!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Family, family,
family, yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Still, Greg, any, uh... Special reason
your parents are coming out? No, just to

see everyone. I mean, now that my dad's
retired, he can visit as often as he

wants. Yeah, and Greg's mom can come,
too.

Which is great, because being constantly
criticized over the phone can be so

cold and impersonal.

Man, I envy your dad. No job, no
responsibilities, nothing to do all day.

Yeah, retirement, or as you like to call
it, 1992 through 1999.

Must be so weird to retire, you know? I
mean...

You go to work every day for 40 years
and then all of a sudden you got nothing

to do.

Yeah, but a lot of people's lives don't
really begin until after they retire.

Grandma Moses didn't start painting
until she was almost 80.

And the guy who started McDonald's was
in his 50s. I heard Schaefer didn't

The Great Gatsby until he was 90.

Jimmy, almost every word in that
sentence is wrong.

I wonder what my dad's going to do with
himself.

You could travel the world, uncover some
hidden talent, maybe do some volunteer

work. The possibilities are endless.

Comic books. Your father is collecting
comic books.

What? He's lost his mind.

Ever since he retired, that's all he
does is spend all of his money on comic

books.

Kids' comic books?

Or those Japanese porno comic books like
Overfiend where women are taken against

their will by monsters?

Sorry, the dentist's office.

No, just regular old comic books.

Superman, mostly.

It's embarrassing.

And he doesn't just read them. He hangs
out at the comic book store. He goes to

conventions. That's why we had to come
out here this week, because apparently

there's some big convention in San
Diego.

San Diego?

Oh, that's far away.

Will you be going to the convention,
too?

Oh, of course not.

Why would I drive two hours each way to
San Diego just to watch my husband make

a fool of himself at a comic book
convention?

You know, the zoo is nice.

Oh, hey, Greg.

Hey, I heard you have a new hobby, comic
books, huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah, well, what can I say?
They're kind of fun.

And you know something?

They are really relatable.

They say more about life than you'd ever
imagine. Yeah, I guess. When I was in

junior high, I used to like Archie and
Jughead.

Archie and Jughead.

Greg, that's for dorks.

Action Comics, number 23.

Oh, yeah, that's a beauty.

That's the first appearance of
Superman's archenemy, Lex Luthor.

Don't open it. No, no, no, no. No, see,
I keep some of them wrapped in plastic

so they hold a value.

Value? It says 10 cents on the cover.
How much is it worth now?

$925.

$925? Oh, my God, this is worth more
than Jimmy.

Best part of that is, you know what?

They really hold their value. It goes up
every year about 15%. I'm telling you,

these are a pretty good investment.

Wow, Dad, seems like you really know
what you're doing. Well, I feel you

shouldn't just enjoy a hobby. I mean,
you should have some intelligence about

it, you know, which reminds me, you
really should find a safer spot to hide

Japanese porn.

Did you talk to your father? Did you
tell him he's crazy? Yeah, I talked to

but I gotta tell you, Mom, I think
you're overreacting. Dad is a mature man

takes his hobby very seriously.

Okay, what do you want me to do?

Thanks for bringing me shopping, Kim. I
really needed to get out of that house.

Oh, sure.

Traffic is bad, though.

Should have asked Tom to fly us here.

Well, aren't you handsome?

What a cute little boy.

She's a girl.

Excuse me?

She's a girl.

She's not a boy. She's a girl. Oh, I'm
so sorry. I was just going by the way

was dressed.

Well, you can't blame her.

I mean, Emily is dressed like a little
boy. Well, those are Sammy's hand -me

-downs. She has a few dresses, but she
lives in a house with three boys, and

she's always playing in the dirt with
them.

Now, this is just easier.

Well, when it comes to your children,
whatever's easy.

I think so.

Sorry, door's closing. I'll meet you at
the door. Are you

wearing a pink tie -dye?

It was white. We had a laundry mishap.

Superman might fly, but his cape runs.

My dad is so wrapped up in this whole
comic book thing. What am I going to do

about this?

Well, has he always liked comics?

No. Mom said one day, a few weeks after
he retired, he was just flipping through

the channels and landed on Superman the
movie. The next day, he started

collecting comic books.

Too bad he didn't land on that Ronco
wrote history commercial.

We'd be having this conversation while
enjoying golden brown chicken with 30 %

less fat.

The problem is he's never had anything
but work. You know, he's never had any

hobbies.

Maybe we could get him interested in
other things, you know, take him out and

show him that there's better ways to
spend his time than collecting comic

I don't know, Craig. I don't know what
the big deal is.

Okay, what do you want me to do?

didn't need to bring me golfing. You
know, really, I never even played this

game. Well, maybe in time you might
really like it.

Maybe. You know, I played miniature
golf, but I'm sure this is going to be a

different. Boy, I bet the windmill out
here is huge.

All right, Dad.

Now, remember, keep your head down,
concentrate on the ball, nice, easy

All right.

Boy, this is kind of heavy, isn't it?
Well, that's a driver. That's what you

to tee off.

Oh.

It just doesn't feel comfortable.

Could I have a putter?

Dad, the hole is 400 yards away. You
can't use a putter.

There you go.

Great, great. Now we're talking.

Okay, why don't you guys grab the cart?
I can walk to this one.

Good job, Dad.

Okay,

I had a four.

Greg, you had a five, right? And Tom, I
lost count. Was that a 76 or 77?

today.

They're girls' overalls. Look at the
pattern. It's covered in flowers.

Flowered overalls. They must be made by
Oshkosh Bagosh. She's a lesbian.

She's criticizing how I dress my kids.

Her husband's running around here in
tights and she dresses like a nun on her

day off.

Look, if she doesn't like the way you
dress Emily, give her the job.

What do you mean?

Let her take Emily shopping and buy her
whatever she wants. I mean, if she buys

it, she can't complain about it.

Yeah. I guess when she leaves, I can go
back to dressing her the way I want.

If Jimmy's mom ever complained about the
clothes I buy for the kids, let her

dress them any way she wants.

Of course, it might be kind of hard for
her. I don't even think Marlboro makes

kid sizes.

Hey, Dad, have you ever tried assembling
model cars?

A guy who retired from my work does it,
and he loves it. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I used to like building those little
models when I was a kid.

You know, eventually, you have to put
aside all the childish things of your

youth.

Oh, uh, anybody want to read my new
plastic man?

Tom, go ahead and sit down. Maybe you
will pick up a new hobby.

Oh, yeah.

Relax, relax. I'm taking care of it.
Relax.

Greg, do you know who Mr.

Mixlepix is?

No. Well, I do.

And I shouldn't. I shouldn't know these
things, Greg.

Hey, Tom, we got an extra kit and some
instructions for you right there, man.

jump in. Uh -huh.

Hey, Dad, pass me the glue.

Yeah.

to wear some girlier clothes, why don't
you take her shopping tomorrow?

Really? Yes, absolutely.

Oh, that's so nice. Thank you.

And maybe when we get back, if there's
still time, I could take you shopping,

too.

Buy you some clothes that cover you up a
little bit.

You're married. You're not going out to
clubs and showing off your goodies

anymore.

This is fun, huh, Dad?

Mm -hmm. Oh, yeah.

It's glue -drying her, isn't it?

You mean what you... Oh, look at that.

Wow, look how high up our plane is. And
I can make it loop and dive and spin.

This is fun, isn't it? Uh -huh. I can
see why a lot of people pick this as

hobby. You want to try it, Dad?

I don't think so.

Ah, come on, Tom. Just try it once.

Yeah, all right.

help me with my dad. Hey, you don't have
to thank me. I think watching a 65

-year -old man fly a small plane into
his onions is reward enough.

You need some more

ice, Dad?

Uh, no, no, no.

Most of the blinding pain's gone now.

I bet these are gonna hurt like a mother
when they thaw out.

You know, I was thinking maybe tomorrow
we would try planting orchids. Maybe you

could take up gardening as a new hobby.

I don't think so. Sounds kind of lame.

Lame? Sounds kind of lame? I'll tell you
what sounds kind of lame. A 65 -year

-old man wasting all of his time reading
the funnies.

Well, see? You just don't understand.

Comics are an American art form.

Anyway, why don't you come to the
convention with me tomorrow? Maybe

understand. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Sure, you don't have any time for me and
my interests, but I'll tell you

something. When you were growing up, I
was always there for you.

Even though I had to watch you strike
out time and time again.

I didn't play baseball.

I'm talking about when I chaperoned
school dances.

Sorry, Dad, I just don't want to go.

Fine, fine, sure, but I'll tell you
something.

If you found something of interest, I'd
be there for you, even if it was just to

see you have a good time.

Oh, fine, I'll go. Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe it won't be as weird as I think it

is. Oh, great. Well, Kralobon Lockley.

What?

Well, that's Kryptonian for thank you.

Boy, is this great or what, huh?

You got 300 book dealers here.

live performances, and a film festival.

I don't get it. Why do so many grown
people want to dress up like they're in

comics? Are you kidding?

It's fun to pretend you're a superhero.

You know something? Last week at the
house, we blew a fuse, and I couldn't

figure out how to fix the thing, so I
thought to myself, how would the

superheroes handle it? You know, like
the Green Lantern could light its way,

Superman could use his X -ray eyes, and
Spider -Man could spin a web around your

mother's mouth and keep it shut until
the electrician got there.

Hey, thanks for coming with me so I
don't have to be the only normal person

here. Oh, no problem. This is going to
be great. There's nothing funnier than

getting crazy people talking.

Hey, watch this. Excuse me.

Yes, sir. Are you a robot?

Actually, I'm a cyborg. I'm part man,
part machine. While my human side

my actions and emotions, my machine
side, powered by its red jet pack,

me to travel at light speed throughout
the universe.

So, do you live with your mother or your
grandmother?

Both.

It's almost 12 o 'clock.

I'm supposed to meet my Internet buddies
here. What Internet buddies?

Tom?

It's me, Justin.

Justin! Whoa!

Hey, how are you?

Gosh, great to finally meet you.

This is my son, Greg.

Where's your costume?

Oh, no, no costume for me. I'm just a
regular old human.

How about we pretend you're Jimmy Olsen?

How about we don't?

So, Tom, we signed up for Masquerade.
Oh, great, great.

What's Masquerade? It's a costume show
in the auditorium, and we get 90 seconds

on stage to do anything we want. Oh,
dear God.

Hey, guys, guys, this is Ernie and J .W.
Hey, why don't you go ahead and why

don't you tell them what you told me?

Another revolution is coming, and there
shall never be peace on this or any

other planet until apes and men, men and
apes, learn to live together.

I love it here. I love it.

Hey, hey, Spock, hold up.

Hi, everybody. We're home.

Wow, look at you.

Oh, yes, and this is nothing. I bought
her so many adorable little dresses.

Oh, and this is for you. I got you some
more conservative tops.

This is your home, sweetheart. It's not
the only saloon in a mining town on

payday.

Superman, I thought you might come.

That's why I brought this.

Good night.

Superman's only weakness.

Oh, no.

Looks like the only place you'll be
bothering people, Lex, is Metropolis

Jail.

Hey, looks like your dad saved the day.
I wish I was dead.

Let's go. Let's get out of here.

That's it. I've had it. I'm ready to go
home.

What's wrong?

I've had it. I've had it with the
costumes.

The comic books and plastics.

You'd be in a Super Friends pageant with
fifth graders. I can't take it anymore,

Dad.

But I like it. But why do you choose to
spend your time like this? Why in the

world does a 65 -year -old man want to
dress up like Superman?

Because I can relate to him. You can
relate to Superman.

Dad, you have to take three Xanaxes
before you can fly. You need Mom's help

get open a jar of pickles.

I can just relate to him, okay?

How?

Because... Because we're both adopted.

You're adopted? You never told me that.

I know.

No, I didn't want to talk about it. I
just want to pretend it never happened.

Well, that's crazy. I mean, it's healthy
to talk about that stuff. If it

happened, you have to talk about it.
Yeah?

The way you talk about that ice cream
man that took off his shirt and made you

wrestle him? Stop talking about that.
That never happened.

It wasn't until I saw Superman the movie
that I realized that Superman was also

adopted. Yeah, I remember, by that old
couple.

Mom, Pop, Kent, they have names, Greg.

You see, Superman was born on a planet
that was doomed, and his parents saved

him by sending him to Earth.

Okay.

I always wondered how my birth parents
could let me go.

Then after I saw the movie, I realized
they couldn't take care of me, so they

just... Put me in a place where I'd be
safe.

Wow. Yeah.

I'd do the same with you.

If you were in danger, boy, I'd make
sure that you were safe.

Even if it meant giving you up and
sending you to another planet.

I don't know what to say.

Yeah, well, maybe you could say that you
don't think your dad's so crazy.

Well... I did see you just punch out a
12 -year -old wearing pajamas.

I had a ball doing this, you know.

See, when I first retired, I was scared
to death. I didn't know what the hell I

was going to do. And then all of a
sudden, I stumbled on this.

Well, there's some fun people here.
There really are.

But if you want to go home, I'll go with
you.

I think I want to stay.

Excuse me, is your husband finished with
his dinner?

Oh, I'm not sure. He just went to the
restroom, so you better leave it.