All language subtitles for Yes Dear s02e08 Kentucky Top Hat

How's the studying going?

College chemistry, it's really hard.

It sure is. I remember my first college
class. It's tough. I bet you wish you'd

have studied a little more in high
school instead of picking on those of us

did, huh? Not so funny now, is it?

No, no, that's still fun.

Man, I've got such a big test tomorrow,
I have no idea how I'm going to remember

all this stuff.

Well, you know what I used to do in
college? I would take large pieces of

information like this and turn them into
little songs and then sing them as I'd

go down the hallway. For instance, like,
one hydrogen, two helium, three

lithium, four beryllium.

I'm guessing in college you weren't
having a lot of sex.

Hey, I did all right for myself.

Yeah, I'm guessing you did all right by
yourself.

What's all that? I thought we'd clean
out the closets today and get rid of

of the clothes we never wear.

Hey, you're throwing out all my vests.

Yeah.

Well, I figure you got to know when to
hold them and know when to fold them up

and burn them.

Look, Frank, if you want to keep any of
this stuff, you're going to have to

narrow it down or I'm throwing it all
away.

Okay, but you don't have to talk to me
like I'm some teenager. Oh, you are so

not throwing away my members only
jacket.

Oh, my God.

What? The wedding invitation Kim gave me
to send to her friend Julie Grimes.

Guess I must have forgot to mail it.

Maybe you should have written a song
about it.

One, buy a stamp. Two, lick the stamp.
Three, stick it on.

Kim is going to kill me.

Well, what's the big deal? It was five
years ago.

Yeah, but the fact that Julie never
responded broke up their friendship.

she's going to think I did this on
purpose.

Why? Well, I guess...

I guess I kind of hated Julie. She
always thought she was so funny, and she

wasn't. Really? Kim always says you're
hilarious.

I know. That's what drove me crazy. Kim
thought she was so funny. She wasn't. I

wish I'd have never tried on this
jacket.

But damn, it still looks good on me,
huh?

Hey, hey, Christine.

I bought a whole case of beef jerky at
Price Club, and guess what they gave me

for free?

Uh, heart disease?

No. Two tickets to the stock car races.
It's this afternoon. What do you say?

Oh, honey, I'd love to, but I got to
study.

That's not what you would have said in
high school.

Yeah, which is why I'm a 31 -year -old
college student.

Look, Jimmy, if I keep screwing up by
the time I graduate, I'm going to be so

old, I'll be more interested in having a
BM than a BA.

I can't believe this. I'm totally going
to suck.

All right, Greg, let's go.

The roar of the engines, the smell of
the fuel, the excitement of the crowd.

Yeah, all sounds bad. Sorry.

Wait a minute. So I have to go by
myself?

Well, why don't you take Dominic?

Dominic? Really? You think he's old
enough?

Old enough for what? To do this?

You know what? Maybe I will ask him. I
wasn't much older than Dominic when my

dad took me to my first car race.

Dominic!

Yeah, you know what? This will be great.
It'll be a little father -son day out.

Hey, you want to go to a car race with
Daddy?

Cool. All right, great. Now, listen.

Before we go, I want you to know that
during the race, there could be a big

wreck. It could be very loud, and there
could be lots of fire.

But it doesn't happen every time, so I
don't want you to get your hopes up.

Hey, we're back!

Place was packed, but we lucked out. We
got seats right down front.

Yeah, it...

take out your earplugs what take out
your

dominic where are the earplugs i gave
you

You're still studying, huh?

Yeah, I really want to do well on the
test.

Well, maybe we should go in the bedroom.
You know, I'll play college professor

and you can play student who needs an A
on her test.

Well, the only problem with that is
you're a security guard and I actually

need an A on the test.

Well, Christine, you've been studying
all day. You already missed the car

You know, I heard somewhere that the
human brain can only absorb so much.

Anything more than like four hours a day
is a total waste.

crazy, Jimmy. You must have heard that
wrong.

I didn't hear it wrong. I made it up.

I just want to have sex.

It's been a whole week, Christine.

A week.

Jimmy, you're not the only one who likes
sex, okay? But I have to study. I

really do want to get an A.

All right.

But if you decide you'd rather have an
F, you know where to find me.

I was

going

to tell her. It's just she's been in a
really bad mood today.

Okay, so I'm scared of a 90 -pound
woman. You happy?

Honey, you remember Julie Grimes?

Who? No one.

He said Julie Grimes.

Oh, yeah.

Julie Grimes. What about her?

Well, I was just remembering how you
guys used to be friends, and now you're

not, and I'm sure none of us can even
remember why.

Well, she was supposed to be my friend,
and she blew off our wedding.

Well, I almost blew off our wedding.
You're still friends with me?

Greg, why are we even talking about
Julie Grimes?

Well, I was just, I don't know, I was
just cleaning out under the sink and

was a lot of gunk under there, so I got
to thinking how some people, you know,

say instead of gunk, they say grime,
which, you know, naturally reminded me

Julie Grimes.

You cleaned under the sink?

It was filthy under there. Thank you so
much.

You know you gotta clean it up. I know
what I gotta do.

You think you know all the words? Yeah.
All right, cool. Now let's see if you

can do them by yourself.

I've got to go to class.

There's a frozen lasagna for dinner, and
I need to pick up a prescription for

Logan.

And while you're out, do you mind
getting Dominic's haircut? He really

one. Yeah, yeah, I've got it covered.
Now listen, you've got to listen to what

taught Dominic. Go ahead, buddy.

There's Peter on my Peter flick. Ta -da!

Great, honey.

Why don't you go get ready for school?

Nice work, buddy. Hey, this afternoon
I'll teach you a little ditty called

Milk, Lemonade.

Jimmy, what are you doing?

I'm just teaching them some songs to
sing on the school bus. I don't want you

teaching them that kind of stuff.

Christine, lighten up. They're just
songs. They're funny. They are funny,

they're also inappropriate.

I mean, Jimmy, I think we've finally
reached an age where doing what's

appropriate is...

A little more important than being
funny. Wait a minute, I don't see what

big deal is. I used to sing songs like
that when I was his age. I'm sure you

used to sing songs like that when you
were his age, too. Yeah, yeah, I did. I

also chewed up food and spit it out
through my nose. You want me to teach

that?

No, I want you to teach me that. Oh.

Look, Mom, I don't care where she lives.
I'm not going to call her.

All right.

Okay, I'll talk to you later. Bye.

What was that all about?

Julie Grimes.

I mentioned her name to my mother. Why?
Why?

I thought we were over there. Let's move
on.

I am over it, trust me.

But the weird thing is, my mom said that
she moved out here like a year ago to

try to be a comedian.

Bet she does it, too. She was so funny.
No, she wasn't funny.

Sure she was.

Remember that really funny thing she
used to do whenever you'd walk into a

Remember that? She'd go, here's Greg.

Okay, honey, see, that's not funny.

Now, that's just repeating a
catchphrase. It's not an actual joke. I

if my name was Johnny... Not even then.
It's still not funny. She's not funny.

You know what the sad thing is?

If she'd just come to our wedding, Julie
and I could have been really good

friends.

It's too bad, because I could use a
friend from back home out here.

You got Christine.

Yeah, I know.

Christine's so busy with school these
days.

I guess I'm friends with some of the
women at Mommy and Me, but it's just not

the same.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it's not your fault. No, I know. I'm
just saying.

I feel bad for you.

Oh, you're so sweet.

See, I do have a friend out here. I've
got you.

Oh, love is blind, and now I wish I was.

Hey. Hey, did you get Dominic's haircut?

Yep.

It's great.

Yeah, look at him. Looks like the
world's smallest lesbian.

I cannot believe you did that.

Kind of a nice haircut.

Yeah, he looks like royalty.

Like... Like a duke.

Of hazard.

Hey, he's not your kid, okay? So stay
out of it.

Besides, it's the haircut Dominic
wanted, isn't it, Dominic? Yeah, it's

Honey, how do you know it's cool?

Because Daddy told me.

Hey, Dominic, you want to go toss the
ball around with me in the backyard?

Okay.

I just didn't think you guys could talk
like that in front of him.

You could break his heart.

His achy, breaky heart.

Jimmy, you're taking him back, and
you're getting him a new haircut.

Why? He likes it. The only reason he
likes it is because you like it. Yeah,

well, Kim said she liked it, didn't you,
Kim?

What was I going to say? The poor kid
was standing right there.

Jimmy, I know what this is about, okay?
You're just upset that I haven't been

able to spend as much time with you, and
now you're using Dominic to get back at

me. Oh, please. I got him a mullet,
okay? I had a mullet growing up, and you

fell in love with me, didn't you?

Jimmy, think about the town we came
from.

People gave their dogs mullets.

Okay, so if we were back home, His
haircut would be fine.

Maybe, but we're not back home. We're in
L .A., and people here don't have

mullet. Yeah, well, too bad, Christine,
because I like it. No, it's not too bad.

I have a say in how our child looks,
okay?

Take him back and get him a new haircut.

No. Look, this is who we are, Christine,
and I'm not ashamed of it.

Okay, this is America.

We should all be able to wear our hair
as we please.

It's a right we should hold near and
dear, because once we lose that, we lose

everything.

That's a good speech.

Too bad you already used it when you
wanted to get the Playboy channel.

Hi, Julie.

What are you doing here?

I know it's been a long time.

You think I could come in a minute?

So, you see, the whole thing with the
wedding invitation was my fault. And I

completely understand if you get angry
and never want to talk to me again, but

don't blame Kim. And please don't tell
her what I did. I feel really bad.

Look, I understand.

I feel kind of silly.

Here I was angry at Kim all these years
because she didn't invite me and it

turns out she did.

Well, I'm glad this is all behind us
because Kim really needs a friend from

home. Me too.

We can all be friends again.

So... What's up?

Get it? Get it like the commercial.
Yeah, yeah, I got a TV.

I just wanted to come by and make sure
you understood what happened.

Greg, I understand completely.

Kim shouldn't have given you the
invitation because...

You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

That's funny, Julie. That one was funny.

Really?

Because you're not laughing, Greg.

I see dead people.

I'm sorry. I can't turn it off. You
know, I moved out here to become a

performer. Oh, yeah.

Everybody at the bank just kept telling
me how funny I am.

Really? They liked you so much, they
talked you into moving 3 ,000 miles

huh?

Probably need to get going. I don't want
to take up too much of your time. Oh,

wait. I'm getting married in a couple of
weeks, and I have to give you an

invitation.

Well, I don't know. I mean, we've been
out of touch so long. You sure you want

us there?

Greg, this is it.

It's the chance to start our friendship
over again.

Well, if you really feel like that,
we'll be there.

You really mean it?

Yes. Is that your final answer?

Yes, yes.

It is my final answer.

The tribe has spoken.

Okay, goodbye.

I'll see you at the wedding. Okay.

Uh -oh!

Let the dog down!

What's going on? I don't know. Dom X
Principal said he needed to see us.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hughes.

into a fight.

Honey, what was the fight about?

Jim can't make fun of my hair.

Well, um, honey, no matter what people
say about your hair, it's still a reason

to hit someone.

Yeah, Dominic, don't let him get to you,
okay? Kids can be thoughtless, even

cruel. They'll pick on anything that's a
little different.

So who was it, that buck -toothed fat
kid? Jimmy!

I called you in because I was concerned
about Dominic. I mean, he's always

gotten along so well with the other
kids.

I'm very embarrassed about this, but,
you know, it's not all Dominic's fault.

I mean, none of this would have happened
if his father hadn't taken him to get

that stupid haircut.

It is a perfectly acceptable haircut.

Business in the front, party in the
back.

Look, Christine, at least I took him to
get a haircut. It's not like there was

time in your busy schedule.

Oh, that is a load of crap, and you know
it.

Oops.

You see, we have a little rule here
about swearing.

Whenever you swear, you have to put a
quarter in the bowl.

Look, face it, Christine, you haven't
had time for anything lately, especially

anything fun.

What are you, hung up that I didn't go
to the races with you? No, it's not just

the races. There's other things you
haven't been doing with me, too.

Why don't you just say it, Jimmy? We
haven't had time for sex lately.

Is that it? Would you be happy if we had
sex? Oh, how about this? We could have

sex right now, right here.

That's going to cost you more than a
quarter.

You think that's going to make things
better, just having sex on this man's

right here?

Well, those kickballs aren't going to
inflate themselves.

Jimmy, I don't know what you want from
me, okay? I mean, do you want me to drop

out of college? Because it's not worth
all this aggravation.

I mean, I'm just trying to make our
lives better.

Ours or yours?

What is that supposed to mean?

I just like everything the way it was.

Now everything's changing, you're
changing, and where does that leave me?

What do you mean I'm changing?
Christine, for as long as I had known

drop anything to go to the car races
with me.

And Dominic's haircut?

You never used to care about fitting in
or what other people thought about us.

How long until we go to some event at
college and you make me change the way I

look?

Or even make me stay home?

Jimmy, I would never do that.

I just feel like you're moving forward
and I'm being left behind.

Jimmy.

I'm not going anywhere without you.

I love you.

Yeah, but you fell in love with me 15
years ago.

It's like, well, you're turning yourself
into somebody better. I'm still that

guy.

Hey, don't kid yourself.

I mean, you've changed, too.

You have. You got a good job, which
you've actually held on to.

You'd rather hang out with your kids
than go out with your buddies.

And I would have been like...

What, three years since you decorated
the Christmas tree with those empty

Budweiser and Heineken cans?

No, no, I know, I know. Red and green is
very festive.

Face it, Jimmy.

You're growing up.

We both are.

You really think so?

I know so.

Just need to get this one file.

Oh, we'll be out of here in a minute.

Take your time.

You know what I'm thinking about right
now?

What?

makes us happier here at the Late Late
Show than discovering new talent.

Next up is a very funny lady making her
network television debut. She'll be

appearing next weekend at the Giggle
Wigwam outside Barstow.

Please welcome Julie Grimes.

But please, you had me at hello.

She's not funny.

She's not funny.

You've been on the road a lot lately, I
understand, huh? Yes, I just got back

from Texas, and let me tell you.