All language subtitles for Til Death s03e06 The Buffer

Previously on Till Death.

I did it, Joy.

I signed up to be a big brother.

Really? Yep, and they already matched me
up with a youngster. Kenneth

Westchester.

Who is it?

Hi, I'm Eddie Stark. I'm here to meet
Kenny Westchester.

Is he available?

Okay, Chesty.

Guess what? Thursday night we are
hosting a jewelry party. I cannot make

Why not?

My little brother needs me. So what are
we going to get into?

I thought maybe we would go check out
the boat show at the convention center.

How about we get some potato skins and
see some naked ladies?

It's your day.

Look, I know it looks bad.

I know naked ladies might not be your
cup of tea.

But I assure you that this man did help
me.

So don't you tell me this is a bad man.

You know why?

Because this is a good man.

This is my brother.

This is my big brother right here.

This is the moment they talk about in
the brochure.

Every time I zig you zag, I like coffee
and tease your bag.

Though it makes no sense, it's true,
there's no me without you.

So death is filmed in front of a live
studio audience.

Johnny, I'm taking Kenny to the Big
Brother picnic. Do you know where we

our fancy picnic basket that we got for
our wedding?

You buried our daughter's hamster in it
14 years ago.

Front yard or back?

Hey, stop!

What the hell are you doing?

I'm going to level with you, Joy. I'm
trying to make a pie.

Don't you think this is all a little
weird?

Men make pies, Joy.

It's a thing.

We also can cry and get pregnant.

No, I mean, I think it's weird that
you're taking a 40 -year -old man to a

picnic. Kenny will not be 40 until
October.

And by the way, we're doing his party
here, so that day you can't park in the

driveway because we're going to get a
bouncy house.

What is that in your back pocket?

That's all ass, baby. Sweet, sweet ass.

And the electric bill.

Give me that. I asked you to mail this
three times this week.

Yeah, but one of those times was during
our lovemaking, and in my defense, I was

mostly focusing on my breathing.

They're going to turn the lights out,
Eddie.

Come on.

Big blue box. Big giant hand.

Make it happen. Okay, I'll make it
happen. I mail letters. I bake pies.

I do it all.

cult that we use in our driveway.

Okay, everyone, it's time for our big
little games.

Now, remember, bigs, be sure to stretch
out before we start.

No kid wants to spend his whole
afternoon rubbing Bengay on their

thigh.

That sounded weird.

I'm sorry.

That one is on me.

Once we get going, you're not even going
to see my hands.

I'm going to be thrown at the paws of a
cougar.

Yeah, such a cougar paws that are
throwing me.

Hey, next year, get a bathing suit with
a lining.

Hey, Sam!

signed up to pitch.

Maybe you can dial it back a little bit.

No can do, my friend. I got one speed,
man. And that's super fast.

Aw, man, I can't use this teeny tiny
glove.

Give me a solid, man. Run to my
apartment and get my other glove.

Where do I gotta go? It's your
apartment.

You don't want a mistake break?

Neither do I.

What's it say on your shirt?

Big. What's it say on my shirt?

Little. Whose special day is this?

Little. And who's going to get my mitt?

Do not open my medicine cabinet.

That was a great movie. Note to self,
rent that.

Yeah, I'm on my way to my apartment.

Just got here from Japan.

Tiny food, tiny people.

All that fish over there. My sister
couldn't get a crab cake sandwich.

Oh, hell no.

Oh, hi.

I'm Manny. You picked the wrong
apartment to rob Freddy Krueger.

long for the tape to grab a mitt.

What are you doing to my friend?

What's your friend doing in my
apartment?

What are you doing here?

I gave you six months to move your bony
cowboy loving ass out of here.

Oh my God.

You are so skinny.

Who is she?

She used to weigh three bills.

And I got my life together, which is
more than I can say about you.

What did you do with the money I loaned
you, huh, Kenny?

You ever heard of Craigslist?

Yeah. Well, I hadn't.

That's why I took all the money you gave
me and sunk it into a thing called

Kenny's List.

I got a website for you.

It's called www
.getthehelloutmyapartment .com backslash

friend.

I know you're not coming on to me.

Damn it, woman.

You got your foot on my gas right now.

You keep talking, and I'm going to put
my foot somewhere else.

You lost a lot of ass, but you gained a
lot of fans.

Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt
you, but I think I lost one of my

in your boobies.

Not like the looks of this.

How long are they going to be staying?

Honey, please be nice, okay? That's my
little brother, and I took an oath to

let him slip through the cracks.

He's 40.

Not until October.

I can't thank you guys enough for
letting me crash here. This is going to

comfortable. This is all right, man. Y
'all good people.

Happy to help. We are here for you.

It's all good.

It is not all good. It is very bad.

Oh, come on, honey. He's not going to be
any trouble.

I mean, you're barely going to even know
he's here. Honey, I can barely stand to

have you here.

Oh, that's my mug.

I've been looking for that.

Oh, yeah, I put Beyonce's meds in here.
So do not drink out of this cup.

Unless, of course, you're losing a lot
of hair on your butt.

How much is a lot?

Are you kidding me?

Did you forget to mail the electric bill
again?

What is your problem?

Hey, what is up, Kenny?

Nothing? What's up with you guys?

Nothing. I was just asking my husband to
mail that letter for me. Could you just

shoot that into the big box for me,
honey?

Okay.

Certainly can, my love.

This is interesting.

She's screaming at me when Kenny's not
in the room, kissing me when he is.

Looks like somebody doesn't want to
fight in front of company.

Let's make sure it wasn't a fluke.

Hey, you know, your friend Brenda
called. She's getting a divorce and

New York.

What? Yep, yep. She called three weeks
ago, and I forgot to tell you. I was

going to write it down, but I was
holding an ice cream cone.

Wow.

That's a message I would like to have
gotten.

But, you know, people forget things,
right?

No biggie.

Joy, you are one cool lady. That I am.

So I'm a little tired.

Maybe do you want to head up to bed with
me?

Well, we'll be alone so you can rip me a
new one.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, you know what?

Kenny had a rough day, so I think I'm
just going to stay downstairs and hang

with him for a while.

Or until your white wine and pills
overwhelm your rage.

Okie dokie.

Not a chancy.

Stay away from me, ladies. Stay away
from me.

Just go ahead, break it. Then they'll
know what you do.

Stop fighting me. I have neighbors.

Now, Wednesdays and Fridays work best
for me and the missus. And remember,

both allergic to lemon polish.

You did not just call me the maid.

I will break your arm off and dust your
furniture with it.

I'm going to let you go.

Don't you run. We're going to end up
right back here.

Okay? I'm taking my hands off you. Yeah,
you're damn right you are.

for beating you up the other day.

But to be honest with you, I have
stretch pants that put up a bigger fight

you.

I'm just here to talk to Kenny. Well,
he's not home.

Look, tell him I'm not trying to get
back together with him, but he can crash

my couch until he finds his own place.

Huh?

I know it sounds crazy, but I know it is
crazy.

So crazy, I cannot allow it. Kenny
belongs here with me and my wife. My

not angry wife.

Do you want him here?

Kenny is not a burden.

Burden? Please.

Every morning he smiles. It's like
living with a rainbow.

He makes good things great.

He's like chocolate milk on Cocoa
Krispies. And that's not a racist thing.

used to do that at camp.

You know, I'll just tell him myself. No,
no, no. I'll tell him.

Okay, but you make sure he knows it's
just the couch.

He does not have access to the executive
suite.

Really, Eddie?

Really? The post office sent back my
pants?

What's up, happy people?

Could you just put that in the mailbox,
pumpkin?

Have I ever let you down?

Welcome home, Kenny.

Hey, guys, do I wear ebony mist?

No.

You must be going crazy, man. I'm
smelling Tina's purse.

It's almost as though she was here.

Here?

Here?

The smell of it on you is even stronger.

You got it bad, my man.

That woman is in my head, man.

Well, you can't go back there. She
doesn't even want you anywhere around

not even on her couch.

It's best for you to stay here where I'm
safe or where you're safe, where we're

all safe.

Safety.

through this.

No, I'm not sleeping. I'm just taking a
break. Come on, let's go again. What?

No.

That dog has been barking incessantly

for like a week.

Yeah, that little critter's got a lot of
spunk.

All right, that's it. I'm through being
nice.

This ends now.

Hey, Kenny.

Hey, Joy. What's up?

Well, you know, listen. No one loves the
small, high -strung, yappy little dogs

more than this gal.

She barks when she's sad.

Why is she sad?

Because her daddy's sad.

I still love her. What? I'm still in
love with Tina.

Then go to her.

Now.

And take the dog with you.

I couldn't do that.

No, you could.

Right now. I'll drive.

It's over between me and Tina.

I blew it.

Everything she said about me was right.

I'm like a little kid.

Hard -partying, sexually active little
kid.

No, you have grown up in the last four
and a half days.

I have seen it. You owe it to yourself
to go to her and tell her that you still

love her.

No, I mean, maybe it's a bad idea. No,
you should. I'll help you put your socks

on. Give me the left foot.

Left foot. Stop wiggling.

Don't bite me, Kenny.

Kenny, stop.

You think you'll really take me back?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who's taking who back?

Come on, nobody's taking anybody back.
It's crazy talk.

Joy thinks I got another chance with
Tina.

Well, don't listen to her. Joy is a
hopeless romantic with a pretty severe

drinking problem. Eddie.

Look, pipe down breakfast beer over
here. Listen.

Listen to me. I didn't want to have to
tell you this, but Tina came on to me.

The woman's all hands.

What?

I don't believe that for a second.

For a second.

Joy, you're right.

Will you help me get Tina back?

You bet I will.

I'll get the dog.

Listen to me. I'm telling you, this is a
bad idea. What is your problem? Don't

you want him to be happy? Well, look,
what if she's with another man?

What? She's not with another man. Well,
maybe she's with a woman. I mean, you

don't know what she's into. You said
yourself she's thin and hot. Everybody's

going to be gutted for her.

Take this.

You're not

Chinese and carrying a bag of food. This

better be good.

Hi, I'm Joyce Stark.

Eddie's wife.

The guy you beat up over the weekend.

He was wearing a hockey mask and
carrying a bat.

I had to put the hammer down on him.

Oh, no, no, no.

I don't care about that.

I'm sure he had it coming.

Kenny would actually like to speak to
you for a moment.

Damn, baby, you are rocking that kimono.

All right, Kenny, go on.

Tell her what you told me.

I still love you, baby.

I'll do whatever it takes.

I'll get a job. I'll massage your feet.

I'll stop writing nasty things about you
on my blog.

I'm sorry, Kenny, but I'm in a different
place.

You can't tell me you don't still have
feelings for me.

Whatever my feelings are, one thing I
know for sure is we do not work.

There's no way you can tell me that you
don't want me back in your bed.

Why the hell would I want you back in my
bed?

Because I'm the best thing that's ever
happened to you. That's why.

Not in the bed, you're not.

Come on, now.

Don't lie in front of these nice people.

Look, Kitty, I told Eddie that you could
stay on my couch, but now I'm

questioning that.

She told you I could stay on the couch?

You didn't get my mini -post -it?

Why didn't you tell me that? Yeah!

Why didn't you tell him that? All right,
all right, everybody back off. This is

a witch hunt.

Maybe I didn't tell him that exactly,
but I have told you things. In general,

am a teller of things. So everybody,
just get off your high horses, drop the

attitude, and let's just get on with our
lives. Let's just get on.

All right, look.

I didn't tell him because when he's
around, you're nicer to me.

All right? You don't yell at me. You
smile when you talk to me. Sure, it's

forced and phony, but it's there.

See, honey, this is good, but this is
magic.

What exactly is your plan, Eddie, to
keep your friend on the couch forever as

human shield?

No, not forever. Just until you mellow
out.

You lied to me.

You lied to me, too.

Hey, you should be thanking me. I was
protecting you from the dragon lady.

Don't call her a dragon lady. That's my
girl right there. Hey, I can handle

myself. And I'm not your girl.

The dragon lady got to go to bed.

So everybody out.

Back to the suburbs.

Out, out, out.

Out.

So we in love again or what?

I swear to you, I will put that in the
mail tomorrow.