All language subtitles for Season 2 Episode 2 Cold Comfort_eng

are you being served?

cold comfort

- good morning, ladies.
- morning.

- how are we this morning?
- my chamois’ gone stiff.

it’s so cold, i have to keep
breaking the ice in my bucket.

- what’s happened to the heating?
- it’s been turned off.

haven’t you heard?
there’s a fuel crisis.

typical. they would choose
the coldest morning of the year.

oh, it’s a little brisk
this morning, ladies.

what’s happened to
the heating in here?

it’s been turned off, by order.

whose silly idea was that?

it was mine.

but surely, sir, this is one of
the days that we’re allowed heating?

grace brothers’ fuel
stocks are practically nil.

it was a boardroom
level discussion,

and it was agreed to
make this further sacrifice

in the interests
of eking them out.

i shall be making a
general announcement

as soon as the rest of
the staff are here.

- hello, cheeky.
- saucebox.

oh– it’s the masked stranger.

take my body, but leave
my jewels alone.

- good morning, mr. humphries.
- i withdraw the offer.

very useful for
keeping out the cold.

whatever has happened
to the central heating in here?

my ballpoint will never
function in this weather.

oh, oh! it’s like
an igloo in here.

i think it’s warmer outside.

- morning, mrs. slocombe, miss brahms.
- good morning, captain peacock.

one minute late.

you’re lucky to have me
at all, captain peacock.

i had to thaw my pussy
out before i came.

it’d been out all night.

good morning, mr. grainger.

good morning, mr. grainger.

ooh, he’s the rudest man
i ever clapped eyes on.

- morning, mr. grainger.
- oh, good morning, mr. humphries.

i’m so sorry i’m late,
captain peacock,

but my pipes were
absolutely frozen solid.

never mind, mr. grainger.

a nice hot cup of tea will
soon get them working again.

mr. lucas not here, i see.

he’s just coming.

oh, look, it’s sonja henie.

i’m sorry i’m late,
captain peacock.

don’t tell me you
skated here, mr. lucas?

no, i went skating
last night with a girlfriend,

and she’s got thin blood.

what has that to do
with your being late?

i had to stay the night with her
to keep her circulation going.

it’s a bittatersin here
this morning, isn’t it?

you needn’t concern yourself
with the heat, mr. lucas.

mr. rumbold is going to make an
announcement in a few moments.

we’ve got nothing to
worry about then, have we?

the sheer excitement
of an announcement

by mr. rumbold is sending blood
pounding through my temples already.

that’s not excitement,
that’s a hangover.

- is everyone here?
- finally, yes.

gather round. mr. rumbold
wishes to address you.

departmental staff
only, not cleaners.

oh. buckets.

mr. grainger,
will you join us?

oh, yes, it is
very parky, isn’t it?

yes, i had to put my long
underpants on this morning.

allow me.

he’s ready to receive.

would you mind
joining us, mr. grainger?

i’m sorry, but i have to
keep this wool in my ears.

otherwise, the wax goes hard.

we must keep the
wax flowing, mustn’t we?

perhaps you could just keep it
out while i make my announcement?

as you know,

the natural fuel resources
of the world are in jeopardy.

that’s about 10 miles
north of mecca.

i used to go dancing
there, you know.

listen to this.
listen, now.

“it took 70 million
years for nature

to build these resources
of coal and oil.

in the space of 70 short years,

man has ravished them.”

it’s typical of men.

the fact is, we
cannot get enough.

- true.
- true.

“stocks of world oil have never
been at such a low ebb,

the situation never
more desperate.”

we should never have
pulled out of suez.

uh, quite.

- now, where was i?
- “desperate.”

ah, oh, yes. “world oil has
never been at such a low ebb.”

and neither has grace
brothers’ coke source.

we shall all have
to do what we can

to combat this critical crisis.

does that mean we’ve
got to go down the mines?

- mr. humphries.
- present.

it has been decided
at boardroom level

that the central heating of
grace brothers will be turned off

one additional day per week,
starting with today.

couldn’t we wait
until the summer?

i know that you’re all behind me

to help pull this
country through.

these are dark days,
but i feel sure

the end of the tunnel
cannot be far away.

before long, i’m
certain we shall

burst forth into
the light again.

oh, when i hear words like that,

it makes me proud to be british.

thank you, mrs. slocombe.

but can’t we just have a little
electric fire behind the counter?

no, certainly not.

electric heaters are
absolutely forbidden.

- can we keep our coats on, then?
- no, no, no, really.

you must remember, after all,
it’s the same for all of us?

so, carry on,
and good luck.

i wish i’d put on thicker
knickers this morning.

you young girls today
don’t wear enough clothes.

and how would you know?

i keep warm with this.

see? the commandos used
to wear them during the war.

- you’d do well to do the same.
- what, string knickers?

i think it’s ridiculous,

expecting us to fit a customer
with a bra in this weather.

now, remember, as mr. rumbold says,
it is the same for all of us.

yellow and green.

this must be earth.

switches off.

here we go.

coffee, mr. rumbold.

having trouble with your
electric fire, are you?

fire? what fire?

that fire.

oh yes, that fire.

i’ve just taken the
plug off to make

sure that no one can
use it by accident.

never mind, mr. rumbold.

i won’t mention the special

privileges of the
managerial classes

while the poor old workers
are out there freezing their…

knees off.

now, then…

how would you like to invest
in a bottle of scotch, eh?

- fell off the back of a lorry.
- certainly not.

oh, all right, then.

i’ll just have to tell them
out there that…

you don’t need it ‘cause you’ve
got your fire to keep you warm.

mr. mash.

- yes?
- how much?

i think you’ll find these imitation

rabbitskin gloves to your liking, sir.
we’ve had quite a run on them.

imitation rabbit?

yes, they’re just like
the real thing, aren’t they?

we daren’t put two pairs
in the same drawer together, sir.

thank you, mr. lucas.

- i suppose i’d better take
them then. - certainly, sir.

captain peacock, are you free?

at the moment, yes.

- could i have a word
with you? - yes, certainly.

well… it’s rather personal.

miss brahms...

has just been...

and it’s frozen over.

i beg your pardon?

the ladies’... it’s solid.

i see.

but what exactly do you
expect me to do about it?

i– i thought
i’d ask you–

if we could use the gents’.

- it’s rather urgent.
- yes, well, i’ll–

i’ll have a word
with mr. grainger.

you must go through
the right channels, you know.

well, don’t be too long.

are you free, mr. grainger?

yes, i’m free.

a slightly delicate
situation has arisen.

it appears…

he’s asking grainger.

oh, fancy telling
grainger i wanted to go.

yes, i understand,
captain peacock.

of course, i shall have
to consult my colleagues.

mr. humphries, mr. lucas,
are you free?

- we’re free.
- we’re free.

oh, we’ll be sending for
dr. kissinger in a minute.

it’s degrading. he’s
telling them all now.

why can’t she use the one
in the bargain basement?

yes, or the public one
on the sports floor?

no, no. you know those
are out of bounds to staff.

i think, captain peacock,

in view of the apparent
urgency of the emergency,

that we could allow the ladies

to have access to our facilities.

- agreed?
- i agree, mr. grainger.

- mr. lucas? - yes, and may i say,
what a triumph for democracy.

then i will convey your unanimous

decision to the party concerned.

- well?
- they’ve agreed.

there you are, miss brahms.

i don’t want to go now.

mr. humphries,
what are you doing?

i’m warming my hands
in the cashmere.

it was so cold last night,

i had to iron the sheets
before i got into bed.

i’ll tell you, these power cuts
make me wish i was married.

here, lads.

what about a cup of
under-the-counter cocoa?

- oh, yeah
- don’t let peacock see.

if he complains,
he won’t get one.

he’s one of us.

- 10 pence each.
- he’s not one of us.

you want to get
a fire like old rumbold.

he ain’t one of you either.

fire?

rumbold’s got a fire?

that does it.

- what are you going to do?
- cover for me.

you’re wanted in the
fitting room, mr. lucas.

i’m just going to the
fitting room, mr. humphries.

mr. mash. what are you doing?

little comfort
for the troops, sir.

you’re not allowed
on this floor after 9:30.

nice hot cup of cocoa, captain?

leave the floor.

i’ll leave one round
the back for you.

i didn’t hear that.

i said i’d leave one
round the back for you!

may i... congratulate
you ladies on the

way you’re bearing up under
these arctic conditions?

thank you,
captain peacock.

i hope you’re not
too cold, miss brahms.

no, i borrowed
a pair of earmuffs.

i trust you’re not...

i trust you’re not contemplating
wearing them in the department?

i already am.

mrs. slocombe,
do you allow that?

i really don’t see
how i can complain,

considering i’m wearing these.

what on earth are those?

a pair of mr.
grainger’s longjohns.

mr. grainger’s?

they’re from mr.
grainger’s department.

apparently, they
shrank in the wash

and were returned
as a complaint.

i’m not surprised.

i’m afraid i shall have
to ask you to remove them.

captain peacock…

wild horses wouldn’t
drag them off me.

a pretty picture indeed…

but staff regulations require that

you wear stockings or tights.

but it doesn’t say i can’t
wear anything over them.

anyway, nobody can see me
when i’m behind the counter.

i’m afraid i must insist.

i see. then i shall have
to go over your head.

you won’t find it easy in those.

- mrs. slocombe.
- yes, mr. humphries?

it’s engaged at the moment.

mr. grainger’s adjusting
his thermal pad.

i wasn’t going there.

sorry i spoke.

just a moment!

enter.

mr. rumbold, i’m so
sorry to disturb you,

but captain peacock
asked me to remove these,

so i said i’d ask you.

you appear to have got
them halfway down already.

where exactly
are they stuck?

no, no. they’re not stuck.

i just want to know

how you feel about them.

to be perfectly frank,
they don’t do anything for me.

they’re not supposed
to do anything for you.

they’re supposed to
be keepingmewarm.

- i see. and are they?
- yes.

then what’s the problem?

do you mind if
i don’t take them off?

- i would prefer it.
- thank you.

always glad to be of assistance.

i wonder what the problem was?

hold the fort, will you? i just want to
get a plug for this electric blanket.

have a nice coffee
break, mr. grainger?

yes, but it’s just as cold
in the canteen, you know.

i don’t think my thermal
pad is working at all.

here, let me warm it up for you.

where did you get?

it makes a lovely handwarmer.

- where did you get it?
- mr. lucas did a foray

to the electrical department.

he’s done us proud.

- may i?
- yes.

don’t be silly. it’s only me.

now, then, you’d better
take my hot-water bottle

just for the time being.

it’ll take the chill
off your kidneys.

thank you.

you shall go to the ball.

are you free, mr. humphries?

free, captain peacock.

good, we mustn’t keep
a customer waiting.

- the iron. - it’s all right, i’ve
fixed the electric blanket now.

- no, but, you don’t seem–
- mr. humphries.

i think you’re very wise, madam,

to buy two pairs
of the wooly ones.

it can get very chilly
up the cairngorms.

it can indeed. thank you
so much for your help.

you’ve had a long coffee
break, haven’t you?

i didn’t have
a coffee break.

i was too busy queuing up in
wines and spirits for your order.

keep your voice down.

they didn’t have any half bottles.

i had to get a whole one.
it’s on your account.

a whole bottle?

how can i take a
discreet nip out

of a whole bottle of brandy?

i meant a miniature.

can you put a drop
of it in something?

yes, pass me one of those
dummy perfume bottles.

no, no. that one at the
top with the spray on.

now put it there.

mrs. slocombe, it’s
free if you want to go.

that’s lovely.

are you being served, sir?

i’d like to look at
some trousers , please.

one moment, sir.

mr. humphries,
here’s mr. lucas?

excuse me, sir. he’s round
the bend, captain peacock.

the circulation’s
coming back again.

mr. lucas, wake up.
you have a customer.

have i? where?

over here. hurry.

ah, yes.

can’t he come over here?

he wants a pair of trousers,
not shirts and ties.

right. yes. hang on.

where’s my shoes?
what’d i do with my shoes?

- come on, come on. - i’m just
coming, captain peacock.

he won’t be a moment, sir.

it’s a very busy day, you know.

lucas, your customer.

ah, there you are. yes.

can i help you, sir?!

yes, please.
i’d– ahem–

i’d like a pair
of trousers!

bring your tape
over here, lucas.

my tape. yes. yes.

i suppose the gentleman
couldn’t come stick his leg

up on the counter and i
could do it from here?

no, i suppose i couldn’t.

don’t worry, sir. he’ll be
with you any minute.

- lucas! - i just dropped
my tape measure, sir.

i’ll just take your
inside leg, sir.

mr. lucas, what have
you got on your feet?

- on my feet, captain
peacock? - yes, mr. lucas.

ah, yes, well,

it’s a new line, you see, sir.

continental novelty footwarmers.

they look like gloves.

quite right. yes.

they’re dual-purpose, you see.

they were designed especially
because of the crisis in the middle east.

i don’t quite see what gloves
have got to do with the middle east.

yes.

well, it’s– it’s– it’s–
it’s quite– it’s quite simple, really.

you see, because
of the oil shortage,

we’re using more coal
to make electricity,

and we need the electricity
to boil our electric kettles

to make the hot water
for our hot-water bottles

to keep our feet warm.

if you wear these
novelty footwarmers,

you don’t need a hot-water
bottle to keep your feet warm,

thereby saving electricity
and saving the fuel

that our country…

so desperately needs.

well, if it’s going to
help the economy,

i’ll take a pair.

in fact...make it two pairs.

well done, mr. lucas.

oh, it was nothing,
captain peacock.

try this one, madam.

it has a feeling of spring about it.

it has, rather. i'll try it.

by jove, i needed that.

excuse me.

you don’t think this hides too
much of my face, do you?

- definitely not.
- i’m not too sure.

- perhaps you could show me
some others? - certainly, madam.

this way.

oh, most exotic.

that’s better.

there we are, sir, one pair of
trousers and two pairs of warmers.

if your wife’s don’t fit, we can
always give you another size–

warmers, that is, not wife.

oh, yes. thank you very much.

idiot.

we’ve sold right out
of wooly comforters.

what did you do with the iron?

i haven’t used the iron. i’ve been
using my electric blanket.

- oh, no. mr. grainger’s
thermal pad. - what about it?

- it’s under the iron.
- where’s the iron?

- under the hat.
- where’s the hat?

on the counter.

are you free, mr. grainger?

yes, i’m free, captain peacock.

how long have
we been displaying

electrical equipment
in the cardinal wolsey cabinet?

are you free, mr. humphries?

i’m afraid i am, mr. grainger.

mr. lucas is free, too.

thank you.

mr. lucas, i’m sure
that you, of all people,

can tell us how an iron
came to be in the sock cabinet.

an iron?

well, it’s a new sales
gimmick, captain peacock.

yes, keep your toes
as warm as toast.

and what is that?

my thermal pad.

glass of water for mr. grainger.

mr. rumbold, something of a
very serious nature has arisen.

i do wish you’d wait
for me to say “come in”

before you come in,
captain peacock.

i’m sorry, sir,

but i would like you
to have a look at these–

all discovered by me
in the gentleman’s outfitting.

i would suggest that
the lost property

department would be
more appropriate.

no, sir, these are not lost.

but i would draw your attention

to the fact they are
all heating devices.

it’s hardly a startling revelation.

isn’t half hot in here, isn’t it?

if that’s all, captain
peacock, i am rather busy.

perhaps, sir, if i
explained it step by step

it might perhaps
help to clear the air.

i wouldn’t bank on it.

oh, i say, they’ve been
in there for 10 minutes.

there’s nobody to attend
to their customers.

but there aren’t
any customers.

that’s neither
here nor there.

that’s no way
to run a store.

we could always
give them a hand.

i’m not measuring a man
for a pair of trousers…

unless it was
steve mcqueen.

you’d never get him
in grace brothers.

true.

you mean that, contrary
to my instructions,

all these heating appliances
have been used

behind my back,
under my very nose?

it doesn’t seem
possible, does it, sir?

i regret to say that mr. lucas
procured this equipment.

well, i wasn’t only
thinking of myself.

i mean, there was–

there was mr. humphries
and mr. grainger to consider.

were you a party
to this, mr. grainger?

me? most certainly not.

of course he wasn’t.

he thought i took his thermal
pad just to breathe on it.

i’m appalled.

then what are you
going to do about it, sir?

can you smell something in here?

if you’d all like
to leave now,

i’d like a few moments
to think it over.

it’s rather close
in here, mr. lucas.

i’m coming over faint.

- i’m sure...
- i give off a lot of body heat.

must be his metabolism.

- it’s on fire!
- what?

- it’s all right!
- good heavens!

it’s all right! i’ll get it!
it’s all right, mr. rumbold!

let me congratulate
mr. lucas on his timely action.

i think we should
congratulate mr. rumbold

on his explanation of how
he put the electric fire

in the drawer so
nobody could use it,

then accidentally
switched it on

by kicking his foot
against the wall switch.

it’s a most extraordinary
chain of events.

i think, in the circumstances,
we should close the department

for the day due
to the extreme cold.

hear, hear.

i shall notify mr. grace
of my decision.

now’s your chance.

morning, everybody.

good morning, mr. grace.

i think you’ve all
done very well

working in these
cold conditions.

thank you, mr. grace.

i’ve brought you good news.

we’ve had good news.
we’re going home.

i’ve just got the
heating turned on again.

but i thought there
was no fuel left.

well you see, i happen to own

the wharfside coke company.

how very fortuitous, mr. grace.

but i thought your men
were all on strike, mr. grace.

ah, yes. yes, but
i’ve sacked the men

and had the warehouse
chopped up.

that should keep our
boilers going for a bit.

that’s the way to treat
the workers, mr. grace.

well, carry on.

- you’ve all done very well.
- thank you, mr. grace.

well…

i think in the circumstances,

we can overlook the illicit
use of heating appliances.

back to your places, everyone.

actually, i have
a confession to make.

i took the liberty
of having a little nip

of something to keep me warm.

i wouldn’t have minded
a drop myself, betty.

be my guest, stephen.

it’s secreted in the
perfume display.

how ingenious.

open your mouth.

as there are no
customers around…

this’ll put the roses
back in your cheeks.