All language subtitles for Roseanne s09e07 Satan, Darling

Over here, over here.

Hey, look, I'm the nanny.

Get out of here.

Okay, the key to fitting into New York
society is acting like you don't want to

be here.

Actually, the coolest thing would be if
we just left right now. Oh, I don't want

to leave. New York parties are more
exciting than I ever thought they could

And this one's for charity.

I don't know which one, but if Liz
Taylor's involved, you know it has to be

something really bad.

Of course, this is nothing like New York
in its prime.

Let's face it. This city died years ago
when Lou Reed walked into that methadone

clinic. What are we going to talk to
these people about?

Hey, we could talk to them about the
Golden Chamber Spa.

Oh, how was it there?

Oh, it was...

Oh, God, I just remembered.

Spas are out.

No.

So, uh... I'm dating a prince. We can
talk to him about that.

Well, that seems like bragging.

Bragging's in.

All right, we're home free.

Okay, girls, look.

I know you're new at this, so I'm going
to volunteer to be your guide.

Now, look, if we get separated... Oh,
Vendula, honey, I need to talk to you.

What? We get separated what?

Drink.

Until us is making us stronger, we're
gonna last longer than that greatest

wall in China.

Oh, that rabbit with the drum is the one
thing that I've heard

while waiting for my turn. It's that in
each light of a rainbow, but you

also get some sun that will make us
better.

Well, I don't know. I guess we ought to
mingle a little better.

Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right.

So... How are things going at the diner?

Don't mingle with me!

Come on, we'll take a lap.

remarkable woman. Yes, she is the editor
of Manhattan Magazine.

Oh, I love that magazine. It's extra
heavy for killing the big bugs.

So I said to him, darling, you're Gore
Vidal. Of course your story could be a

day late.

Genius does not punch a time clock.

I remember you from the Vanderbilt.

You're married to the delightful arms
dealer, are you not?

Oh, yeah. As a matter of fact, he's
wrapping up a deal right now at

Junior High.

I'm Estée Lange.

You're Estée Lange?

Oh, my God. Oh, like in the perfume and
the makeup and all that?

In the flesh. Oh, my God.

I'm Jackie Harris. This is Roseanne
Connor.

I'm so glad to meet you.

Man, she must have a fever or something.
Her hand is hot as hell.

Martini, boy!

They're really very good. I've just had
three of them myself.

You look like 108 million dollars.

Astrid, remember?

You can call me Bobo. This is my
husband, Gardner. You can call him

call him Peanut.

Were you in town for the Jackie O
auction?

We couldn't wait to get our hands on
some of her things.

Oh, she had wonderful things.

Colleen Dewar thought I hear she had
lovely things. Yeah.

We've already got red dots on Barbara
Streisand's things.

May she live forever.

I wish I brought a camera.

Oh, shall I tell you who's here? Let's
see. Oh, there's Dibs Huntsford and, uh,

Dee Dee Rottweiler and over... Baby
Doxant and Ulrika Schnauzer and

the woman I admire most in the world,
Bixie Hamburfark and Burger Bender.

She is the perfect weight for New York.
Two pounds above organ failure.

There's two other people you must meet.
They were at the auction as well. You

stay here.

Stay money.

Thank you, darling.

There they are over there.

108 million lottery winners.

They'll be coming from their fingers
like ticker tape by the time I finish

them.

That's them.

Liz? Oh, my God, what did Larry
Fortensky do to her?

And who's that drag queen with her?
Come, come, come.

Come meet, come meet. Come meet.

Eddie, Pat.

Hello. This is Ruthanne and Jackie.
Hello.

We're dating a prince. Dating a prince.

It must be Edward.

I'll get some drinks, darling. We need
olding up. Yeah, yeah.

Who's the drag queen?

Hey, Pat.

Need any help with those drinks?

Yeah, thanks, old man.

Eddie, you have to tell her what you
bought at the auction. I'll leave.

Oh, not the pink dress.

Well, the pink dress.

The pink bick.

The pink bick?

The lady's chick. What do you want with
a razor?

DNA.

Do you understand?

Okay, you've got Jackie Kennedy's DNA on
the razor. No, I don't get it.

Why? See this little spot of blood here?
Don't touch it. I don't want yours

mingling in there.

See that?

This spot of blood contains Jackie's
dino...

Borrelinic nuclear acid.

Jurassic Park.

That's nice.

What do you think?

Hmm.

Delicious.

Seventy proof.

We're going to clone Jackie O.

Just one of them. We can have hundreds
of them. We can have thousands of them.

You know, we can have little Jackies of
all ages.

We can have herds of Jackie, raptors,
rolling through the Misty Valley.

It's going to be a theme park.

You can go from Bouvier to Onassis in
one simple tram ride. It's fantastic.

Oh, I get it. It's kind of like
Dollywood.

Except for, like, Jackiewood.

Yeah.

Six flags over Jackie. That's it.

Eurojackie. Yeah.

But it's only the beginning. I mean,
with your money, we can have a DNA bank.

People can leave their DNA now so they
can be theme -parked when they die.

Yeah? Are you in?

Well, I don't know. Do I get to be
chairman of the board or skipper or

How much did you go?

108 million. Hello, boss.

How about you?

Well, I gotta hand it to you. The way
you walk so well in those heels, you

had me convinced.

That's a very covering foundation you
use.

You have a problem with stubble? Yeah,
yeah.

Not on my face.

Rosanna Connolly.

I'm going to do your publicity, darling.

Come on, talk to me, talk to me.

Come on, tell me, how many children have
you got, darling?

How many?

Four.

Well, you'll have to lose two. We'll get
Mia Farrow to adopt him.

You're not a man at all, are you,
Jackie? I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. No, no, I can't believe
you actually thought I was an actual

because I'm, like, so far away from
being an actual man.

birth to a child. I breastfed a little
baby.

These are real.

The milk comes out of these.

The ironic thing is that I thought that
you were a man.

Well, I was once for about a year.

And then what happened?

Well, it dropped off.

I'm going to change your image for you.
I'm going to change your image for you.

I don't want my image to be changed. Oh,
dear, when's your image changed? Get

yourself another drink.

I'm going to make you the next Heavy
Belly Illy Billy.

Fat is back. I can see it now. You can
never be too fat or too rich. Go,

Brittany.

It won't cost you very much. It's just
going to be a small percentage of your

total capital growthage.

Come on, you're so mad at me, darling.
I'll get you anything. I'll get you...

people spread. I'll get you the Kathy
Reese's to the East Coast. No, no, no.

No, Rodan, don't do Kathy Lee. Not Kathy
Lee. Kathy Lee made little children

work in sweatshirts in the heat.

between her show, her Christmas special,
all the things she does for little

Cody, plus the daughter, whatever the
hell her name is.

Do you really think she has time to be
on a cruise ship as well as overseeing

things in some Honduras sweatshop at the
very same time? My God, the woman is

only human.

You know, when you think about it, maybe
those children were lucky.

not even FINE!

Bow unto our midnight dance. The souls
of hell have chosen you. For a purpose

you will discover.

In another world, a parallel reality.

The scent. The scent.

It is ready.

It is ready.

You shall deliver what we want.

It belongs to your daughter, Darlene.

Drink, drink.

All right, all right. But if I'm going
to drink it, I want it from that witch.

Mom, is this normal? I mean, I'm so big
and I'm only eight weeks pregnant.

I don't know how to tell you this,
Darlene, but this isn't normal for eight

years pregnant.

Good evening, neighbors. Hello there.

Hello. We would invite you in, but then
I guess we would be too late.

It's okay, Mom. This is Al and Edna Von
Mies. They live next door.

My dear, you are getting bigger every
day.

We know the top obstetrician in town.
I'll have him sent right over.

Well, we already have a doctor that we
like.

I strongly recommend you switch to ours.

What are you, one of those thugs from
Blue Cross?

Oh, Ed, look.

We brought you a thermos of tannis root
tea.

Yes, we did.

Aren't you forgetting something, Al?

What, dear?

Oh, he'd lose his head if it wasn't
spiked onto his neck.

The amulet.

Oh, yes, the amulet.

Here it is.

Now, you just wear this all the time.

It'll keep away the good.

I mean, evil spirit.

Listen, you just keep drinking that tea,
all right?

All right. Bye -bye. Drink the tea,
dear.

You know, Darlene, I don't want to pick
your friends for you, but I hate those

people.

Man, I'm hungry.

Ew. Oh!

What is that you're eating, Darlene?

Raw chicken gizzards.

Alan Edmondson would be good for the
baby.

You're not an animal.

Oh, my God. What did you say their names
were again?

Al and Edna Von Meest. Al and Edna Von
Meest.

My God, Darlene, their names spell out
Evil Demon Satan.

No way.

Yes, and they also spell out Save
Damien, not El.

And Damien was that horrible devil kid
in The Omen. Who's El? I don't know.

Listen, we've got to get you out of here
now.

You worry about a thing.

You can trust us.

This is my first grandkid, and I'll be
damned if I don't see it.

How ironic.

You'll also be damned if you do.

What have you done to it?

What have you done to its eyes?

They're his father's eyes, Roseanne.

What are you talking about?

Those are not David's eyes.

David is not his father, Roseanne. His
father is the Prince of Darkness.

Your daughter, you should be very
honored.

There's nothing wrong with my baby.

He's just my widdle -biddle precious.

Man,

is he going to be difficult as a
teenager.

It's really not fair for the devil to
take my grandchild.

I have never done anything to the devil.
It's not like I go to church or

nothing.

Roseanne, now that you know the truth, I
think it would be better if you left.

That's right, but don't worry. You can
visit the child any time you like.

It'll be hot, but it's a nice dry heat.

No, not so fast. I demand to talk to the
baby's father.

Well, unfortunately, Roseanne, the devil
couldn't make it, but he did send a

lovely fruit basket.

Well, you tell him to get his ass in
here right now, if he has an ass.

All right.

is not going to be happy about it.

I don't get it. Are you the devil?

No, Roseanne, I'm just his advocate.

But you look exactly like me. I take on
whatever form your subconscious chooses

to give me. I almost came as a
hamburger.

Well, whoever you are, I'm taking my
grandson back.

I think that would be a mistake,
Roseanne. What do you know about my

We know how to get him into the right
network of people.

They only want what's best for him,
Roseanne.

You'll be rewarded beyond your wildest
dreams.

You think that some amount of money is
enough for me to sell you my flesh and

blood? Well, it's not like you're going
to be able to go back home anymore.

You have become a have in a world of
have -nots.

And that puts your grandson in a weird
position.

Hey, I practically raised my sister and
my husband and myself, my three grown

kids, plus my daughter's husband.

I was strong as a mother, but I am
unstoppable as a grandmother.

You think you're so cool, but you've
given me a lot of power. I can make you

too much, and I can make you steal.
Remember those towels from Disney World?

What towels?

And I can make you lie.

Well, I'm a damn good mother, and you
know that.

Obviously, the devil has a problem with
women and a huge problem with mothers.

Well, mothers are the hardest to turn.
But when we do get one, we party for

centuries.

I love my kids, even if they do have red
beady eyes and horns and

hooves.

I love this kid no matter his race,
creed, nationality, or sexual

Darn! I mean, damn!

Darlene, get your baby. We're going
home.

You are so beyond grounded, Darlene.

Hey, that's my sister.

I'll do it.

What's happened?

You just tossed out them. To be blunt,
darling, you're about three rounds

us.

Rox, now there you are. How can I ever
thank you for your $100 ,000 donation to

our charity?

I didn't give you $100 ,000.

I'll need some of that to rehabilitate
your image a percentage.

You are very happening right now. Do you
know that? You are coming to stay at my

house on the vineyard this weekend. I
won't take no.

We can go back to the party now.
Everyone's willing to meet her.

I feel a little woozy. Oh, drink it up,
sweetheart. Drink it up, sweetie.

You