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All language subtitles for Phil Silvers Show s02e10 Dobermans Sister

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,000 I do. 2 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,219 Remember this. 3 00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:35,240 This weekend, this barracks is open to your families. You understand? 4 00:00:35,940 --> 00:00:41,440 I'll have no gambling, no swearing. I want culture and songs, hymns, sing a 5 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,199 of hymns. 6 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,580 Sarge, Sarge, nobody turned in the names of their dates yet. 7 00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,720 Oh, come on, fellas. We'll have to think of everything. 8 00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:49,740 Come on. Now, who of you guys haven't got dates for the weekend? 9 00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:53,680 All right. How many of you guys' sisters who are coming haven't got dates? 10 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,980 Oh, come on, fellas. Stop making trades. 11 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,800 Now, I want couples dancing at my hello parents' dance. 12 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,900 Your parents can come hundreds of miles to see you dancing with each other. 13 00:01:04,140 --> 00:01:05,140 You all got sisters. 14 00:01:05,379 --> 00:01:06,039 Come on. 15 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,340 Get those sisters moving. 16 00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:10,120 Well, do you want to take my sister out? 17 00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:11,340 Let's see her picture again. 18 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,700 Oh, she's lost 14 pounds since then. 19 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,120 I don't know. 20 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,740 Well, ask Paparelli. He took her out last year. He had a wonderful time. 21 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:20,899 Hey, Paparelli. 22 00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:23,140 How come you got such a young sister? 23 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,820 Did you take out Kodalki's sister last year? 24 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,080 Yeah. 25 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,180 Well, she was 14 pounds this time. 26 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,000 Forget it, Kandowski. 27 00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:36,160 I'm taking a shower. How about Trudy? 28 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:39,140 When was this picture taken? It looks kind of yellow. 29 00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:43,800 On my last furlough. That's me with my arm around it. Last furlough, eh? 30 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:45,320 What war? 31 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:47,520 What do you mean? 32 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,740 How come you got such a full head of hair? 33 00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:54,100 Look, if you're not interested... See me next year when I'm a little older and 34 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:55,039 more settled. 35 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,040 Very funny. 36 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:57,520 Hey, Flashy. 37 00:01:57,540 --> 00:01:58,760 Well, Sugie, what do you say? 38 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,980 Are you sure this isn't the same sister you hooked me with last year? No, this 39 00:02:01,980 --> 00:02:02,980 is my other sister. 40 00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:04,160 Are you sure this is your sister? 41 00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:08,139 Looks an awful lot like Eartha Kitt. Would I lie to you? Would you lie to me, 42 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,360 Lassie? You showed me a picture of Lena Horne. Look, Sugie, make up your mind. 43 00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:13,880 Yes or no? What do you say? Come on, make up your mind. 44 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,200 Not bad. 45 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,580 Are you sure that's your brother with his arm around your sister? 46 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,240 Yeah. Looks an awful lot like you. Like me? 47 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,500 Are you kidding? 48 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:22,800 He's got a full head of hair. 49 00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:24,220 Come on, what do you say? 50 00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:25,660 Hey, is that a horse in the background? 51 00:02:26,390 --> 00:02:28,170 Yeah. How come it's pulling a streetcar? 52 00:02:30,490 --> 00:02:31,630 Hey, Mullen. Yeah. 53 00:02:31,850 --> 00:02:32,850 You got a date yet? 54 00:02:32,970 --> 00:02:36,870 No. Hey, did you see my sister Trudy when she was here last year? Yeah, why? 55 00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:38,250 Nothing. 56 00:02:38,730 --> 00:02:43,530 Hey, all right, time's up. Come on. Let me fill in those names for the dates. 57 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:45,770 Paparelli. Sorry, Sarge, I couldn't find anything. 58 00:02:46,210 --> 00:02:49,630 Give us a little time, will you, Sarge? A little time? Is this a little stalling 59 00:02:49,630 --> 00:02:50,930 tactics? Let me tell you one thing. 60 00:02:51,190 --> 00:02:54,450 This weekend, I will tolerate no wallflowers. Sarge! 61 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:55,800 Sarge. What is it? 62 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,700 What's the matter? Doberman just got a phone call. 63 00:02:57,900 --> 00:02:58,739 Yeah? It's murder. 64 00:02:58,740 --> 00:02:59,740 What? What is it? What? 65 00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:01,680 Doberman's sister is coming. 66 00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:05,020 Doberman's sister is coming here? 67 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,240 Freeze! 68 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,200 Raise your miserable meatballs. 69 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:14,100 How dare you? Well, you know, she may be a very lovely girl, and a guy would be 70 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:15,460 lucky to have a date with her. 71 00:03:16,060 --> 00:03:17,060 Hey, fellas! 72 00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:17,978 Let me ask you something. 73 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,120 Guess what? What? 74 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,340 Sarge. Yes? Your sister is coming in. I've got to fill out the paper. Her name 75 00:03:23,340 --> 00:03:25,980 is Diane. Isn't that a lovely name? Let me get out of here. 76 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,239 Sarge. What? 77 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:31,960 Look, I told her so much about you. I wondered if you'd like to take her out 78 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:32,659 a date. 79 00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:34,060 Sarge, you've got a date with Joan Hogan. 80 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,260 Bless you. Yes, that's right. 81 00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:39,640 Yes. You remember, Joan Hogan is my steady date. 82 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:40,920 Oh, gee, I forgot. 83 00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:45,120 Say, Sarge. Yes? My sister is coming. I'm taking Fleishman's sister. 84 00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:47,040 You are? Put me down, Sarge. 85 00:03:48,620 --> 00:03:51,000 Say, uh... Oh, I'm taking Dillingham's sister. 86 00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:53,180 Claude. Oh, 87 00:03:53,940 --> 00:03:55,080 I'll go. Go on, there's his sister. 88 00:03:55,380 --> 00:03:58,320 Go on, there's his sister. Say, Flashman, how about you? Sorry, Dwayne, 89 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,700 uh... I'm taking Fender's sister. Wait a minute, I'm taking her. You guys are 90 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,340 crazy. I'm taking her. What? 91 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,620 Anything, anything. 92 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:07,840 I'll take anything. 93 00:04:08,380 --> 00:04:09,380 Say, 94 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,360 Gomez, you know my sister... Well, I'm taking Pavarelli's sister. 95 00:04:15,980 --> 00:04:17,200 Hi, Doberman. Have you heard? 96 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,339 What? My sister's coming here. 97 00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:25,980 Father. 98 00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:32,220 Son! 99 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,260 May I ask you something? You think anybody at the dance will be wearing a 100 00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:41,180 cummerbund like that? They wouldn't dare. You're not kidding. When I 101 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,180 in, I was fine. 102 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,270 Goldman, you got a date for your sister yet? 103 00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:53,530 Oh, look, Dwayne, I just thought of a wonderful idea. 104 00:04:53,950 --> 00:04:57,870 When your sister joins you, you and her can join Joan and I, and we'll see the 105 00:04:57,870 --> 00:04:59,550 parade together, we'll go to the dance together. 106 00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:04,190 Thanks, Sarge, but that's not like having a date, is it? I know, but it's 107 00:05:04,190 --> 00:05:06,710 of so... All the other fellas' sisters will have dates. 108 00:05:11,230 --> 00:05:13,410 Ernie, there's nothing you can do. Yes, there is. 109 00:05:13,830 --> 00:05:15,290 Now tell me, who hasn't got a date yet? 110 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,590 Zimmerman. It figures, that little snake. He's waiting till the last minute 111 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:20,970 he can make a better deal for himself. 112 00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:22,270 I know how his mind works. 113 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:25,610 Zimmerman will be taking Doberman's sister. Oh, but Sarge... Put his name 114 00:05:27,150 --> 00:05:28,150 Zimmerman! 115 00:05:29,850 --> 00:05:32,990 Sarge, you can't force Zimmerman into a miserable deal like that. Force? 116 00:05:33,430 --> 00:05:36,930 When I get through with him, he'll be panting to take out Doberman's sister. 117 00:05:37,090 --> 00:05:40,090 This I gotta see. He might guess you got a grand stamp seat. Watch. 118 00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:42,189 Come in. 119 00:05:42,190 --> 00:05:43,650 Want to see me, Sarge? Close the door. 120 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:47,700 Come in, Fielding. 121 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,000 What's up? 122 00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:58,160 Zimmerman, I'm in a spot and only you can help me get off it. 123 00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,980 Me? You gotta take Joan Hogan off my hands for the weekend. 124 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,100 But she's the most beautiful whack on the post. You're trying to ditch her? 125 00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:07,440 Why? You like this? Why? 126 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,620 I'm fixing her up with the most beautiful blonde on the post. He's 127 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:14,440 questions. I'll get somebody else. No, no, no. It's not that. It's just that 128 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,840 if... You're trying to ditch Jose, Joan Holger. You got something sensational 129 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:18,840 lined up, huh? 130 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:23,020 You ain't kidding. I'm taking Doberman's sister. Now, look. 131 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,480 Here's what you do. She's probably still crying. 132 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:30,000 Yeah. You be there. She'll need a shoulder to cry on. Be tender. Be kind. 133 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,200 then at the proper moment, ask her for the date. You got nothing to worry 134 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,960 Fielding, how can I thank you enough for this? You thank me. How can I ever 135 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:37,719 thank you? 136 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,420 Oh, why should words go between two friends? Just hurry over to the PX. 137 00:06:41,420 --> 00:06:43,840 waiting. Go on, pal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 138 00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:45,849 He's hooked. 139 00:06:45,850 --> 00:06:48,410 Hooked? Sarge, are you crazy? Him dating Joan, he'll get killed. 140 00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:51,950 He'll never get there. In exactly one minute, he'll come tearing back in this 141 00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:55,690 room, demanding to take out Doberman's sister. Are you kidding? Look at him, 142 00:06:55,710 --> 00:07:00,150 spruce enough to go see her. In 55 seconds, he'll be back right in here. 143 00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:00,629 you know? 144 00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:01,630 How do I know? 145 00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:04,630 I've been with this platoon long enough to know how their sneaky little minds 146 00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:05,630 work. 147 00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:06,770 Look at him. 148 00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:09,790 He's up on cloud nine right now, thinking of his date with Joan. 149 00:07:10,050 --> 00:07:12,190 By the time he gets to the door, he'll start thinking. 150 00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:20,930 He's thinking, he's thinking, he's saying himself, why would a smart guy 151 00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:23,490 Bill go on to ditch a beautiful girl like Joan Hogan? 152 00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:27,410 Generous, he ain't. My best friend, he ain't. 153 00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:30,330 Ah, why look a gift horse in the mouth? 154 00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:33,590 Joan Hogan. He left. 155 00:07:34,010 --> 00:07:38,130 Don't worry, by the time he hits the steps, it'll dawn on him right now. 156 00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:44,050 Doberman's sister? 157 00:07:44,790 --> 00:07:47,030 Bilko's taking Doberman's sister. 158 00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:51,030 Oh, that sneaky little mind is grinding away now. 159 00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:55,590 Doberman's sister, could it be possible? Could she be beautiful? 160 00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:58,190 Maybe I'm missing out on something. 161 00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:01,750 What could Doberman's sister look like? 162 00:08:07,110 --> 00:08:08,110 Impossible. 163 00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:12,550 Joan Hogan. 164 00:08:13,109 --> 00:08:14,690 Fielding Zimmerman, you lucky dog. 165 00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:17,390 He's gone again. 166 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:20,850 Yeah, but the seeds of doubt have been planted. He should be back in four 167 00:08:20,850 --> 00:08:24,050 seconds. I thought you were crazy. Put his name up next to Doberman's sister. 168 00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:26,390 Crazy, huh? In four seconds. 169 00:08:26,650 --> 00:08:29,590 One, two, three, four. 170 00:08:29,950 --> 00:08:32,990 You're not making a sucker out of me. What are you talking about? Put me down. 171 00:08:33,070 --> 00:08:35,210 I'll take Doberman's sister. Oh, please, you promised. 172 00:08:35,429 --> 00:08:38,770 You put me down. Doberman asked me to take her. Oh, please, Zimmerman. Please, 173 00:08:38,929 --> 00:08:39,929 you promised me. 174 00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:41,809 Well, Sarge, you're a genius. 175 00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:43,130 You're the greatest, Sarge. 176 00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:46,450 There are so few of us left. 177 00:08:50,050 --> 00:08:53,010 Hey, I'm here in Vegas. 178 00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:56,650 They pay you a double for this, a friend of mine said. Well, this isn't Vegas. 179 00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:59,030 What? You're going to take out my sister? 180 00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:00,510 A pal's a pal. 181 00:09:00,730 --> 00:09:02,670 Oh, gee, Fielding, you're a prince. 182 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:06,510 I've been trying to get someone to take her for a long time, but nobody wanted 183 00:09:06,510 --> 00:09:07,850 to take her. Gee, I'm so happy. 184 00:09:08,390 --> 00:09:09,610 I'm going to take a shower. 185 00:09:09,980 --> 00:09:10,919 A shower? 186 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:13,280 Yeah, I'm so happy, I don't know what I'm doing. 187 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,420 What does she like? 188 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:21,280 She's the loveliest girl in the world. 189 00:09:21,740 --> 00:09:22,960 Tell me more about her. 190 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:28,820 Jimmy, you're slipping your trolley. Are you actually taking out Doberman's 191 00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:31,040 sister? What are you doing, paying off an election bet? 192 00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:32,460 Are you guys kidding? 193 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:36,940 How crazy can I be? If I'm taking out the girl, I'd build her with ready -to 194 00:09:36,940 --> 00:09:38,240 -ditch Joan Hogan over, huh? 195 00:09:38,860 --> 00:09:39,860 Hey, Doberman! 196 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,920 Vilco is ready to ditch Joan over Doberman's sister? 197 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,340 I can't believe it. Doberman's sister? 198 00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:49,780 Why not? It figures it happens all the time. It's always the slob in the 199 00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:51,300 who's got the most beautiful sister. 200 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:56,300 Yeah. Remember Big Nose Schultz over in Company A? He couldn't bribe guys to 201 00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:59,880 take out his sister. Remember what she looked like when she showed up? 202 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,620 That lucky Zimmerman. 203 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,340 I got a good mind to punch you right in the nose. 204 00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:09,230 What did I do? Well, Doberman asked me to take her, but no, I got to wind up 205 00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:10,109 with your sister. 206 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,570 He asked me, too, but I'm taking Gomez's sister. 207 00:10:12,830 --> 00:10:14,130 Yeah, and I'm taking your sister. 208 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:21,010 What is this, a mass meeting? What's going on? It's past lights out. Come on. 209 00:10:21,210 --> 00:10:23,750 Sarge, were you actually thinking of taking out Doberman's sister? 210 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:27,030 That Zimmerman with his big mouth, it's all over the platoon now, huh? It 211 00:10:27,030 --> 00:10:30,990 certainly is. Hey, Sarge, is she really a knockout? Oh, a dream. 212 00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:34,210 How do you know? You've never seen her. I don't have to know. 213 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:38,000 It's Musselman's Law and Theory of Family Equalization. 214 00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:39,340 Musselman's Law? 215 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:43,100 Well, certainly I think I can quote it from memory, where the hereditary genes 216 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:46,060 are overcompensated in the genealogical aspects. 217 00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:48,220 Sarge, please, say it in English. 218 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:49,540 I'll give it to you plain. 219 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:54,840 Musselman was a scientist. He devoted his life to this research, and he came 220 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,200 with a simple statement, which I'll tell you in simple, basic English. What's 221 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,440 that? The uglier the brother, the more beautiful the sister. 222 00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:02,740 That's a law? 223 00:11:02,990 --> 00:11:03,990 Go fight with science. 224 00:11:04,170 --> 00:11:05,230 Musselman, he knew it. 225 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:11,150 The uglier the brother, the more beautiful the sister. 226 00:11:11,510 --> 00:11:15,570 Hey, if that's true, Doberman's sister is Miss Universe. 227 00:11:15,890 --> 00:11:18,850 Yeah. I'll bet she's a tall, blonde beauty. 228 00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:21,110 Nah. Doberman's got black hair. 229 00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:24,270 She's a brunette. Nah, nah, she's a redhead. 230 00:11:24,510 --> 00:11:26,710 I know she's a redhead. 231 00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:30,250 Ah, what are we knocking ourselves out for? Zimmerman has got her. 232 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:33,610 Yeah. But that something should happen to Zimmerman, huh? 233 00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:35,190 Yeah. 234 00:11:37,270 --> 00:11:41,710 Oh, get this. I got that little evil mind's working overtime now. They're 235 00:11:41,710 --> 00:11:44,550 figuring a way to get it away from Zimmerman, huh? Yeah. 236 00:11:44,890 --> 00:11:49,670 Gentlemen, there'll be some rare dreams within these four barrack walls tonight. 237 00:11:52,150 --> 00:11:55,950 Every big name in Hollywood is here tonight for the premiere of the gorgeous 238 00:11:55,950 --> 00:11:59,870 Diane Doberman's new picture. The crowd has been here since 7 o 'clock this 239 00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:00,870 morning. 240 00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:03,250 Here's Miss Doberman's limousine. 241 00:12:03,630 --> 00:12:09,050 And with her is her fiancé, Fielding Zimmerman, the producer of her new 242 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,070 Stand back. Stand back. 243 00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:16,210 Miss Doberman, can I have one more picture, please? 244 00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:18,450 Thank you. 245 00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,150 Thank you. 246 00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:23,610 As the producer of the picture, Mr. Zimmerman, what do you think? 247 00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:25,610 Diane's picture is never missed. 248 00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:26,950 How did you meet Mr. 249 00:12:27,130 --> 00:12:30,130 Zimmerman? Oh, we met when... 250 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:31,680 Glorious night. 251 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,520 A weekend, you know. 252 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,400 At an army camp. 253 00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:38,540 The dining just swept me off my feet. 254 00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:39,780 Can I have one more, Mr. Oldman? 255 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,440 Kissing Mr. Zimmerman this time. 256 00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:45,220 Oh! Let's get out of here. 257 00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,100 Hey, Diane. 258 00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,900 She wants me. She wants me. Hold it. Hold it. It could be me. 259 00:12:51,140 --> 00:12:53,060 They all say that. Diane, wait. 260 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,360 Wait, Diane. 261 00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:58,620 Diane. Diane, wait for me. 262 00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:00,160 She's mine. She's mine. 263 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,900 Diane. Wait. 264 00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:03,420 Wait. Diane. 265 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:04,760 She's mine. Wait. 266 00:13:05,020 --> 00:13:06,160 Wait. Diane. 267 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,340 Diane. You're mine. 268 00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:13,400 Diane. Zimmerman, you dirty snake. I hope your pictures are flopped. Sarge. 269 00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:15,240 Sarge. Wake up. What's the matter, Sarge? 270 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:16,440 What? 271 00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:18,020 Oh. 272 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,340 It was a nightmare. 273 00:13:19,660 --> 00:13:20,660 A nightmare. 274 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,980 That's what it was. It was a dream. It was a dream. 275 00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:26,320 But it's a dream that's going to come true. 276 00:13:26,650 --> 00:13:29,530 I got to make it come true or I'll regret it the rest of my life. Sarge, 277 00:13:29,530 --> 00:13:32,390 are you talking about? You don't understand. I saw her. Diane Doberman. 278 00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:35,050 gorgeous. She's the most beautiful thing. Sarge, Sarge, you ain't never 279 00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:36,050 her. What about Joan? 280 00:13:36,630 --> 00:13:37,630 Joan? 281 00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:39,730 That was just an infatuation, boys. 282 00:13:40,430 --> 00:13:41,430 This is the real thing. 283 00:13:41,790 --> 00:13:42,790 This is love. 284 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:46,590 Sarge, Zimmerman has taken out Doberman's sister. You talked him into 285 00:13:46,890 --> 00:13:48,730 I'll talk him right back into it again. 286 00:13:48,970 --> 00:13:52,270 No, Sarge, you ain't got a chance. Every guy in the platoon is trying to get him 287 00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:54,650 to let go. He's got his teeth in her like a bulldog. He'll let go. 288 00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:58,440 The minute he sees this picture of Doberman's sister, he'll let go. Sarge, 289 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,020 that's a picture of Seabiscuit. What difference does it make? I'm burning it, 290 00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:04,280 ain't I? Burning it? Get in there and very artfully drop a hint to him that 291 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,980 got a picture of Doberman's sisters in here. Go on. On a double. Look at that. 292 00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:13,020 Boy, I'd give anything to see that picture. 293 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,700 He just got it in the mail today. 294 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:16,500 Doberman's sister. 295 00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:28,990 Hey, Sarge. I was just going to sign for you. Why are you burning it? 296 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:32,250 Congratulations, Zimmerman. Why are you burning it? That was the most unselfish 297 00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,430 thing I ever heard of, inviting that girl here for the weekend. 298 00:14:34,650 --> 00:14:35,730 Why are you burning it? Never mind. 299 00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:38,330 And I want you to sign this paper. Sign what? 300 00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:41,690 It's a pledge that from the moment you pick up Doberman's sister at the bus 301 00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:44,910 station to the moment that she leaves this camp, you'll constantly be at her 302 00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:48,290 side. What do you mean? What do you mean? Never mind. Just sign it. I'm 303 00:14:48,290 --> 00:14:50,810 that you'll take one look at her and... Sarge, you mean she's... 304 00:14:52,810 --> 00:14:53,810 That bad? 305 00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:56,290 Do you ever see such ugly ashes? 306 00:14:58,250 --> 00:14:59,670 Here, sign the paper. 307 00:15:00,430 --> 00:15:01,570 I'll sign nothing. 308 00:15:01,870 --> 00:15:03,390 Be a man. It's only for the weekend. 309 00:15:03,630 --> 00:15:05,350 You'll get over it. You take her out. 310 00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:06,610 No. Please. 311 00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:08,570 Please, Zimmerman. Please. 312 00:15:08,810 --> 00:15:10,570 Please. Well, well. 313 00:15:11,030 --> 00:15:12,030 Diana's mine. 314 00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:13,630 Yeah, but Sarge, you've got a date with Joan. 315 00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:16,630 A date? I'll get right on her. Take a wire. Right, Sarge. 316 00:15:16,910 --> 00:15:19,070 Sergeant Ernest, Bill, go care of administration. Wait, wait, wait. 317 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:20,710 You're sending a wire to yourself? 318 00:15:20,930 --> 00:15:23,710 Yeah, but I'm sending it through administration to make sure that Joan 319 00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:29,110 wire. Now, let me see. Say, your aunt has been... What's a good name for aunt? 320 00:15:29,290 --> 00:15:30,089 Aunt Agnes? 321 00:15:30,090 --> 00:15:31,090 Yeah. 322 00:15:32,930 --> 00:15:36,390 Your aunt, Agnes, has been stricken with muscleman's fever. 323 00:15:36,650 --> 00:15:37,650 Come at once. 324 00:15:38,050 --> 00:15:39,090 Signed, Dr. 325 00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:40,730 Hesselman. My Aunt Agnes. 326 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,340 I'm so sorry I had to be the one to show it to you. 327 00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,340 Musselman's fever struck her again. 328 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,240 I have an emergency furlough all ready for you. 329 00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:52,080 Furlough? No, I've got to take you to the dance. 330 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:56,340 Honey, she's crying for you. Oh, you know how at 96 they shake these things 331 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,880 No, no. Take a wire. 332 00:15:58,180 --> 00:16:01,320 Dr. Hesselman, I cannot come. Darling, darling, it's only a dance. 333 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:05,200 No, I've got to think of myself once. Every moment away from you is torture. 334 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,040 nonsense. I'll get this thing started. No, I won't. I won't. Really. 335 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:11,820 Is that two S's in Hasselman? Oh, shut up. 336 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,240 Did you hear from Doberman yet? Yeah, you're supposed to pick up a sister at 337 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,540 bus terminal at 8 o 'clock. 338 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,120 Right. Now, did you reserve a suite for her at the hotel? 339 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:23,440 Yeah, it was tough, but... What do you think I got lined up? A little gypsy 340 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:27,380 that I know about. I've been saving it for a spot like this. May I say, the 341 00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:29,280 charters will be swirling tonight. 342 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,140 No, no, no, I won't go. No, no. 343 00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,960 All right, now, you got everything straight. Now, let me see. 344 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:42,730 As you bring the girl in, we lower the lights and we light the candles. 345 00:16:42,950 --> 00:16:43,789 Fine, and you? 346 00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:47,310 And then we play Gypsy Hearts are Flaming. No, no, no, not yet. This is 347 00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:50,230 she just comes in. Oh, my little Gypsy sweetheart. My little Gypsy sweetheart. 348 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:55,390 Then I bring in the food. Yes, but how do we bring in the food? 349 00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:59,950 Quietly and discreetly. Uh -huh. All right, that's okay. Now, with the food. 350 00:17:00,190 --> 00:17:03,130 Gypsy Hearts are Flaming. This is the food. 351 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,730 Eat, Gypsy, eat. That's better. Now it's very simple. 352 00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:10,010 After we finish our food, Slowly we'll be sipping on the champagne. 353 00:17:10,310 --> 00:17:15,310 And as the candlelight starts to dim... That's when I move to the table. Right, 354 00:17:15,369 --> 00:17:17,250 and then play like you've never played before. 355 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,910 Be sure you play in her left ear. Make sure. 356 00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:21,750 Because I'll be nibbling on the right ear. 357 00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:24,530 You're Hungarian? 358 00:17:24,690 --> 00:17:29,170 You feel these things? Give me some music that talks. Talks for something 359 00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,970 smolders into a flame. You know, something... Hi, 360 00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:33,670 Dad. 361 00:17:33,950 --> 00:17:34,950 Hi, Sid. 362 00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:38,700 Stacks, my sister Sabrina. How do you like it? 363 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,780 Well, let's go, huh, folks? 364 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:43,900 Well? 365 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:46,300 That muscleman's law really works. Yeah. 366 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:47,500 What do you mean? 367 00:17:59,690 --> 00:18:01,450 You sure she's on this bus? I'm positive. 368 00:18:01,670 --> 00:18:04,310 Doberman phone. She's probably checking her luggage. See if you can find her. 369 00:18:04,390 --> 00:18:05,490 Tell her I'm out here. Right, Sergeant. 370 00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:17,330 Sergeant Bilko. 371 00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:22,870 Diane. Joan, you came to see me. Goodbye, Joan. I thought I'd find you 372 00:18:22,870 --> 00:18:24,630 don't understand. I missed the plane, so I'm taking the bus. 373 00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:28,610 checking up on you. You don't have an Aunt Agnes, and Henshaw sent that 374 00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:29,870 telegram. Henshaw! 375 00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:33,210 Him with his pack of little jokes. He's so naughty. Oh, you be quiet. 376 00:18:33,490 --> 00:18:36,450 You're waiting here for a girl, and I dare you to deny that one. 377 00:18:36,770 --> 00:18:39,530 Now, Joan, you've got to understand this. I'm like a man possessed. I've got 378 00:18:39,530 --> 00:18:41,730 go through this, or I'll never know for the rest of my life. Please try to 379 00:18:41,730 --> 00:18:45,150 understand, Joan. All I know is that you threw me over for some other girl. 380 00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:47,790 Joan, please. Just because you found somebody more beautiful. 381 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:20,440 pictured you. 382 00:19:20,820 --> 00:19:21,820 So are you. 383 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:27,460 Oh, Ben Duane told you we were twins. 384 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:28,880 It figures. 385 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,960 Well, maybe you ought to go to the hotel so you can freshen up. 386 00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:35,000 You can freshen up. 387 00:19:36,180 --> 00:19:42,840 You must be a long bus driver. Maybe you're... Joan, this is Diane Doberman, 388 00:19:42,860 --> 00:19:46,440 Duane's sister. This is Joan Hogan. How do you do, Diane? 389 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,440 How do you do, Joan? 390 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,340 but I have some business to talk over with you. 391 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:54,999 What's that for? 392 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,560 That's the sweetest, kindest thing you ever did. 393 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,580 What are you talking about? Nobody wanted to take Doberman's sister. 394 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:06,140 So rather than break Doberman's heart, you... Well, John, I ought to tell you. 395 00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:12,640 I have the most wonderful idea. Why don't you two join Private Zimmerman and 396 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,040 and we'll all have a lot of fun. 397 00:20:26,250 --> 00:20:27,250 restaurant in town. 398 00:20:27,630 --> 00:20:31,670 Gypsy restaurant in this town? Yes. I never heard of it. Come, my dear, we're 399 00:20:31,670 --> 00:20:32,670 joining the gypsy. 31368