All language subtitles for Phil Silvers Show s02e07 The Song of the Motor Pool

Right here at Comedy Central.

finished yet, sir. Sergeant, you were
finished an hour ago. This is the big

plan. This is the thing we would fight.
Believe me. Just a second. All right,

boys. One, two.

Good heavens. Now what? Tell him.

Beautiful dreams are... Stop! That's
enough!

Look, Sergeant, I know you'd like to
come to New York for our show, but your

group just hasn't got what we're looking
for. Give somebody else a chance!

But, sir...

So we blew it, Sarge. We blew it. You
know why?

They sent out a captain with a tin ear.

Fine talent, Scott. I guarantee if you
line up the Crosby brothers in front of

him, he'd pick up Everett.

Now, we gave it a good try. Forget about
it, Sarge. Forget about it. The sights

I wanted to show you in New York, the
George Washington Bridge, the Empire

Building, the Harlem Tunnel, tattooed
all over a body.

Well, I just have to take my word for
it.

Well, maybe the next singing contest
you're in, Sarge, would click.

Got no chance. We're in the wrong branch
of the service, the motor pool. We've

got no song.

What do you mean by that?

We've got no song that belongs to us.
What chance have we got against the Air

Force with their off we go into the wild
blue yonder? And the Navy. They can't

turn on TV without seeing the Navy in
their blue and gold singing, anchors

Now, how are we going to get on TV?

Join the Navy.

Did you think of that all by yourself?

Just shut up. Stop being a wise guy.
We've got enough wise guys on this post.

Don't you see what we need? We need our
own original song that's identified with

the motor pool.

Who's that?

That's Pavaroli. He came in sharp.

See what I mean? They don't write
marches like that. If we had a march

that, it makes you want to march. It's
got something. Anybody know the name of

it? I never even invited people.

See what I mean? It's got a spring. They
don't write marches like that. If we

could gut that song first, identify it
with the motor pool, we could put words

to it.

Like in war.

Give us oil and grease and you'll find a
motor pool.

That's wonderful.

Of course it's wonderful.

Guys, if we had our own motor pool song,
can't you just picture us introducing

it on an army TV show?

Sarge, why does it have to be a march?
Why can't it be rock and roll?

Maybe. Never thought of that. Let me
see.

I met my baby down at the motor pool.

Then I met my baby.

Down at the motor pool.

And what my baby taught me, you can't
learn at mechanic school.

roll service song? Sure, great for
recruiting teenagers, Sarge. Yeah,

we need. We'd have a standing army of
two million Elvis Presleys.

Service song has got to have dignity.

How about a waltz? That's dignified.

Waltz? Yeah.

In war and in peace, the motorboat who
shoots

the grease.

Fix a tire.

Come on, a fool.

Oh, no, it's no fool. Come on, a fool.

Stop, we can't do it. Come on, a fool.

It's nice.

It's nice. It's great.

It's great.

It always was great. It's the Blue
Daniel.

It must have been Stephen Foster.

He must be going stir -crazy this thing.
Forget it. Hit the sack. Come on.

Get out of here. Nothing. Any hot water
left? Sure.

Get me my talcum powder. Hey, Dino.
Yeah?

What was that song you were singing in
there?

What song?

The thing.

Dun, dun, dun, dun. I don't know. I just
heard you do it. Oh, that. I've been

singing that for years. Oh? I made it
myself.

Oh. Give me foot powder. If I ask for
talcum... He made it up himself. He made

it up himself. Sarge, we could... Hey,
Dino.

Yeah? You made that up yourself?

Yeah. Why?

Why? Boys?

Give a big hand to the new composer of
the Motor Pool official song.

It was not... Oh, it's better. How does
it go?

Wait a second. Come here, Zimmerman. You
can write music. Take this down. Go

ahead.

Take it from the beginning.

Well, come on. Take it from the
beginning.

Funny. Funny, I just can't seem to
remember it. He can't remember it. Shut

You'll scare it out of him. Go on, take
your time. You said you've been singing

it for years. Now go ahead. Sarge, he
only comes to me when I'm taking a

Good night, Sarge.

Okay, get him into the shower.

I just had a shower.

I just had a shower.

Hear anything yet? Not a sound.

Not really. Not really.

Sarge, can I come out now?

No, you've got to think.

Concentrate. Concentrate.

Zimmerman!

Yes?

Take down every note.

The notes are running. Doesn't matter.
Take it down. Get back in there.

Hey, Sarge, you can't leave him in
there. They'll wrinkle up like droons. I

think he's coming. Wait a minute.

Can you hear anything?

Oh, come on.

Paparelli!

Sarge, my mind's a blank. But you said
you've been singing the song for years.

can only sing it when I'm alone.

I got stage fright.

Oh, Zimmerman, out of there.

I can understand that. Look, why don't
we leave him alone?

Hey, why don't we go down to the P .E
.X.? Good idea.

The shower is all yours. The barracks
are here alone.

You're a king in your own castle, huh?
Come on, Bill. Let's go down to the P .E

.X. Bye, Dino.

Bye, Dino.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la.

Grandtown lady, sing this song.

Do that!

All right, get out of here. Come on, get
out.

Look, he tried.

You can't, you know, you can't get blood
out of a stone.

Why don't you learn once to listen?

I'm sorry, Sarge. Forget it, Dino.
Forget it. I'm sorry. Look, you know me

my crazy ideas. I tried some. Forget it.
Look, take it out of your mind. You got

more important things to worry about
than a silly song. Go on. Thanks, Sarge.

I'm sorry.

We'll think of something. How about Oh,
Susanna? Oh, Susanna.

Now, listen.

You going?

This shower.

is off -limits to everybody from now on
except Paparelli. Hey, Sarge, you mean

nobody can take a shower till he
remembers that song?

Nobody. Oh, boy!

Make a note.

I gotta hose him down once a week.

If he's in the shower alone and he
thinks we've forgotten the song, it'll

out of him naturally. You understand?

Yeah, but, Sarge, if he sings it in
there alone with nobody here, how are we

gonna hear it?

I thought of that. Palmer.

Yeah. Can you hook up a microphone into
that shower? Sure, sir. I'll go down to

the special service center. I'll get a
recording machine. Hook it up in my

We'll wire it. Now, can you do that?
Absolutely. Anything he sings in that

shower will be on the Bilko label. Can
you handle it, genius?

Yep. Attaboy. Now, relax like nothing
happened.

Sarge, the microphone's under the soap
dish. Good boy. Good boy. Now, keep it

warm. Now, what I'll do is get Paparelli
into the shower. Hey, Sarge,

Paparelli's here. Good. Keep it warm.
I'll get him into the shower.

But, Sarge, after yesterday, Paparelli
says he don't want to see a shower for a

month. Let me handle it, please.

Just keep it warm and get ready to turn
it on.

Hiya, Dino. Hi, Sarge. Where is
everybody? I guess they're in town

Boy, it's hot today, huh? Yeah.

Makes you feel sticky all over. Yeah,
it's the humidity.

Yeah, I guess... Dino, really?

Getting a little careless? Oh, no, no,
no, Sarge. You don't want to get too

gamey. You're living with other men, you
know. Oh, no, no, no, Sarge.

It's my skin is so dry from all those
showers I took last night. Well, maybe

ought to... Almost forgot.

What? I got a date for you in town
tonight.

A date for me? Yeah, you better shower
up, freshen up, and we'll go over and

meet her. She's dying to meet you. No,
I'm clean.

I'll just change my shirt, and I'll go
right with you.

Oh, all right.

I'll polish my shoes. You got any
polish?

Oh, yeah, here.

Is that the car? Is that Oxblast? Yeah,
that's Oxblast. Look, when you meet this

girl, don't get too excited. You know
what I mean? Yeah. Because the girls

you meet... Oh, look. Oh, I'm sorry.

What did I tell you? Oh, that's all
right, Sarge. No, no, I want you to

Oh, look what I...

You see, when you meet... Oh, my
goodness. I keep getting... I don't...

isn't that a joke? Look, that's all
right. No, no. You maybe ought to

with a shower, huh?

Sarge, you better go without me. I just
couldn't face another shower.

Well, maybe you're right. Maybe Suzanne
would be too much for you.

Suzanne? Yeah.

Suzanne L 'Amour.

Suzanne L 'Amour?

Sounds French.

Well, that was the name on the
registration for that convertible Jaguar

got. She's got a Jaguar? No kidding.

Hey, maybe that's why she likes you so
much. You're just small enough to fit in

the Jaguar. Wow.

Of course, you'll have to nuzzle real
close. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know how you... Oh, wait a
minute. Forget it. Forget what? I'm

excited you. I just remembered something
she said. No, you forget it. What?

Well, I heard her say that small
Italians drive her out of her mind.

I'm Italian.

Dino Paparelli.

How could it have slipped my mind?

What else did she say? What'd she say?
She said your romantic eyes are like two

piercings.

Hey,

fellas, get ready when the... What else
did she say?

I built it up too much. That's all
that's on his mind. It'll get to it.

minute.

Sarge, we're going to be here all night.
Why? We've got plenty of tape. Just be

quiet.

Can I go with it?

That's it. Turn it off.

Paper. Pencils. I've got to write worse
than this.

Oh, go in and tell them Suzanne changed
her mind.

You got it at the beginning?

Let me hear it from the beginning.

In the time of war, no matter where we
are... Good, Chubby, good. No matter

where we are, no matter where you are,
good.

Yes, yes, operator, it's a Captain
Buckmaster. I'm calling him person to

Thank you.

And remember, fellas, sing like you've
never sung before. This is the key.

Remember that.

Hello, sir. Captain Buckmaster?

This is Sergeant Bilko, sir. Fort
Baxter. Yes, sir.

What was that, sir?

Oh, yes, sir. Stephen Foster.

He remembered you.

Sir, we want you to hear... Sir, we
would like you to... Sir?

Hello?

Forget it. We're off the air.

Gee, it was such a good song, too. Good?
It was great.

Sarge, maybe if we let the colonel hear
it first. Not a chance. But if we sing

it for him, he'll flip. Sure, he can
pressure that captain into putting us on

that Army TV program in New York. Don't
you guys remember anything? You know how

the colonel suspects everything I do?

If I contribute to the Red Cross, he
thinks I'm betting on a disaster.

I'm never working. If I go to him and
tell him we want to do that song on that

TV show, he'll think it's just to get us
to New York. He'll think it's a

gimmick. It'll never work. He'll never
let us use that song.

Unless... Unless?

Unless he wrote it.

How can he write it? It's already
written. Paparelli wrote it. No, you

understand. He'll write it by osmosis.

Osmosis? What's that?

We'll sneak it into his brain, phrase by
phrase, without him even being aware of

it. Here's what we do.

Listen to me.

Call me when dinner's ready, dear.

Dinner, dear.

Coming.

I think Bilko is giving up trying to fox
me.

Oh, what's the matter? The melody, sir,
is awfully catchy. What is that?

Oh, just something I thought up.

Oh, really?

Yes, it's been running through my mind.

Oh, this is a wonderful little tune. How
does it go again?

I heard it once and I know it already,
sir. Oh, it's nothing.

It just sort of came right out of the
air. Oh, really? Sir, would you mind if

put some words to that?

Of course, if you want to. Thank you.
Send them in. On the double. Take down

every note. Every golden note. It's
nothing really. Oh, sir, give us a

do it before Irving Berlin or Oscar
Hammerstein do it. Will you please, sir?

right. Take this down.

The original song, Song of the Motor
Pool. Gentlemen.

In the time of war, no matter where you
are, you will find the motor pool.

In the thick of fight, keeping engines
right, always steady, ever cool.

Though the bombs are dropping, though
trucks are stopping, because we are

to give them oil and fuel through the
smoke.

Thank you. It sounded pretty good,
didn't it? Pretty good, sir.

I'm afraid the TV critics would be a
little more enthusiastic than just

good when they hear it on a TV army
show, sir. TV army show? Well, I haven't

made any arrangements for it. But, sir,
surely a call from you... Imagine

introducing for the first time a new
service song.

Yes, I'll call them.

Find out who it's Captain Buckmaster,
sir. Find out where... He'll be at Fort

Monmouth, sir. He'll be at Fort Skyler
tomorrow, sir. Yes, yes.

Like I was saying, fellas, she's got the
George Washington Bridge, you know.

What's the use of talking about it?
You'll see for yourself tomorrow when we

to New York.

I'll be chopping.

Sir. Well, Bill, are the men ready? Just
raring to go, sir.

I hope you have your thank you speech
when they start yelling author, author,

sir. Well, I thought I'd simply say...

Thank you.

And then give you men credit for coming
up with the words. Oh, the words, sir,

they were nothing. It was the melody...
Jack!

Jack! Jack Hall!

Well, General Miller, did you come all
the way up from Washington? All the way?

This is the greatest day in the history
of the Transportation Corps.

At last, our own song, and you did it.
Oh, well, the men really came up with

words, you know. Oh, sir, may I
interrupt? The words were nothing. It

melody that counted, sir. Thank you,
sir. We've been raised to have copies

and given to every man in the Corps.

The sheet music's got to have your
picture on it.

Well, we're ready to go on, General
Miller.

Congratulations, Buckmaster. You
certainly dug up that talent.

Yes, isn't it wonderful? I'm just as
anxious to hear it as you are, sir.

Well, it's almost time. Come, you
gentlemen, it'll be on the dais. Oh,

I'm giving you the most important spot.

Right after the men from Monmouth. Thank
you very much, sir.

The army on parade.

you will hear the Fort Baxter Motor Pool
Platoon introduce a brand new service

song, the Song of the Motor Pool.

And then you will see the man who wrote
this song, Colonel John T. Hall.

But right now, to begin our show, here
is the Fort Monmouth Signal Corps Choir

under the direction of Sergeant Thomas
McMahon.

Sergeant. Thank you.

For our first number, we would like to
sing the official Signal Corps song.

written 30 years ago by Mrs. Dawson
Olmsted.

Shout out the slogan of the signal cord.

You can't hear, sir.

Yes, Sarge? Beverly, where were you
stationed before you came to Fort

Fort Monmouth, Signal Corps.

Signal Corps.

Take a message.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the
moment that all of us have been waiting

Here is the new melody, which will sweep
the nation.

On with the show, Sergeant Bilko.

is Mrs. Boudreaux and Sandy Canyon is
Charlie.