All language subtitles for Phil Silvers Show s01e18 Kids in the Trailer

That's about does it hey check out

We didn't grind the valves.

He'll never know. It sounds perfect.

Sergeant Vilko, check out.

Coming.

All right, all right. Look alive. I am,
I am.

Sign us out, Sergeant Vilko. All right,
let's hear it.

Okay, shut her up.

Nice, huh? Let's make it nicer. Grind
the valves.

I'm surprised at you, Private Zimmerman.
You'll never get your picture in Puppy

of the Mechanics. Look alive. Get on the
boy. Hey, hey, hey.

Yes, sir. All right, Rocco, get the men
around here. On a double.

Come on, let's go.

Men, this is a gay lyrication.

You all know the all -platoon lucky
serial number contest has been going on

some time.

Well, it's over.

The drawing just took place in my room.
Corporals Barbella and Henshaw were

witnesses. And you won again.

It's that kind of remark, Private
Mullen, that's going to keep you a

Corporal Barbella, will you read the
name of the lucky man who won the three

-day pass?

And all expenses paid vacation in
Crystal Lake for three days.

Private Vice Class, Dwayne Doberman.

I won, I won, I won.

First time I ever won anything in my
life.

Makes you want to cry, doesn't it?

All right, get your fishing gear
together.

But Sarge, what about the grease job?

Kodowski. You. Take over Doberman's
grease job. Right, Sarge. You're lucky,

Sarge. Wash up and get out of here.
Jesus.

Did you get that look on his face? Makes
you feel clean inside.

Hey, Sarge, that call was from my wife.
Long distance?

From Texas. Oh, she's right here in
town. That crazy old gal came all the

here in a folks trailer. Brought the
kids along with her. Where is he?

In a trailer camp right outside of town.
Hop in. I'll take you over there. But,

Sarge, I've got to finish those there
brakes on that Jeep.

Goldman, take over Brian's brake job.

But, Sarge!

You've got a three -day pass, haven't
you? Three days and three nights look

alike.

Hiya, Mike.

Where's the rookie? Over here.

He's grown so.

Oh, man, he's sure getting big.

Hiya, Bruiser. He got another tooth.

You what? Gosh, Mike, we didn't expect
you until... Oh, I'm sorry.

Honey, here he is, Sergeant Ernest
Bilko. Hi, Mrs. O 'Brien. Sergeant

I've heard so much about you from Mike.
Daddy says you're the best crapshooter

in the whole United States.

Betty, really, Sergeant Bilko. That's
all right.

That's our little Betty. And this is
Mike Jr., our military expert.

Hiya, Mike. Well, hiya, Mike.

He says you're on the finest platoon in
the Army. That's true.

Do you use the revised method on close
order drill?

That's close order drill. What is he
talking about?

Don't get him started on the Army. Knows
every rule in the book. Say, speaking

of the Army, we'd better get back to the
post. Yes. Bye, honey. Bye.

But, Mike, aren't you going to be able
to get any time off? Honey, I told you

the phone, all passes are out. I'll get
over here as often as I can. Bye, kids.

Oh,

Peg.

I'm sorry. I know this is silly of me,
but, oh, Mike, I've missed you so much.

And after driving over 700 miles... Peg,
what do you want me to do?

Why don't you tell her? Tell her what?

This sense of humor escapes me, you know
what I mean? This idea of a big joke is

a surprise. Why don't you tell her you
got a three -day pass stopping the

Three -day pass?

Sure. I didn't tell you. And he's been
arranging a vacation up at Crystal Lake.

Mike, are you a big jerk?

He even arranged a whack day. to take
care of the kids while you're gone. But,

Ernie, I... But, Ernie, but, Ernie, so I
gave away your surprise to what? But

Doberman's Pass.

Doberman's Pass. You've got to go
through it to get to Crystal Lake.

Well, I'll let you get it, and I hope
you're going to drive it, Captain. Look,

I'll go and pack your stuff and pack it
and get it over here, and I'll get the

whack to babysit.

Oh, listen.

You like to go fishing? Yeah.

I think I can get you some fishing
equipment, too.

Don't stop.

Just hearing you guys singing and that
happy look on Doberman's face.

It's just the pickup I need after what
I've been through today.

O 'Brien?

His wife and three kids came all the way
from Texas just to be with him, and now

they can't get a pass to see him. No
kidding. No way of getting him a pass at

all? You know the rules. One pass to a
platoon.

But thank heavens it's gone to a guy who
really deserves it. Good old Doberman.

Come on, fellas.

What?

Let's have gaiety. Let's have laughter.

I just want you to help me forget that
look on Mrs. O 'Brien's

face and the tears in that blue -eyed,
adorable children's eyes when they find

their daddy can't get a pass to see
them.

All the way from Texas.

It's a crime.

Men, this is sure going to be a sad post
around here with O 'Brien cooped up and

his loved ones on the other side of the
barbed wire and he can't be with them.

So near.

Yet so far.

Oh, but Doberman, you'll be out of it,
pal. You'll be out there on that crystal

lake pulling on that 10 -foot trout.

Oh, guys got all the luck. Yeah.

Some guys also got no feeling for their
fellow soldiers.

Yeah.

First time I ever won anything in my
life.

After his wife drives all the way from
Texas to see him. Those little kids of

his. Blue eyes.

Tears filled with...

and crying and unhappy about their
daddy.

Oh, but let's be happy for Doberman.
He's going to be an at -leg fish in the

he deserves to.

What are you going to use for bait?

Worms.

I tell you, boys, I'd be gay, too, if I
could just forget the look on O 'Brien's

face. Reminds me of a prison picture I
once saw. There was a guy in prison, and

he wanted to get out to see his wife and
his kids, and he couldn't, and he

killed himself.

Oh, let's be gay.

Doberman's going to have fun.

Doberman, I worry.

Just take a look.

Here's the pass.

Here are the reservations.

The pitching tackle.

First time I ever won anything in my
life.

I have seen heroism.

I have seen bravery on the battlefield.

But this gesture that this man just
made, I want to tell you, fellas, it

me proud. The real, the real Doberman,
the real.

Makes me proud.

Proud in here, I know.

That this fellow thinks enough of his
fellow soldier to make this sacrifice

makes me proud to be in the same... The
boots, though. The boots.

Get the boots off.

And do whatever Sergeant Hill says. Peg,
it's only a three -day pass. Let's go.

Bye, kids. Have a wonderful time.

Come on. Don't worry about anything.

Sergeant Belko.

Thank you.

Well, I'm sure I did the right thing.
Doberman would have never kissed me

goodbye.

Hey, hey, what are you doing? Taking off
your shoes like we do for Daddy. No,

no, kids. I got my boys picking me up in
a minute in their jeep. Tell us a

bedtime story.

Bedtime story? Yes.

Tell us about what you did on Quadriline
Island.

That's one of Daddy's favorites.

You mean when I charged that Japanese
pillbox all by myself?

No. Hey, you had the foxholes wired so
the men could get the Belmont race

results.

Oh, look, pal.

I did some pretty dangerous things, too.

I know.

Sergeant Bill goes right. Come on. On
the double. On the double.

Good night, Daddy. I mean, Sergeant Bill
comes off the bed.

Good night.

Oh, those kids.

The guy should be along with the jeep
any minute now.

Wow, this is comfortable, isn't it?
Yeah.

And she'll fix these trailers up pretty
slick.

It's a regular home.

Oh, feels great. Are the kids in bed?

Mm -hmm.

Kids just never can keep their buttons
on.

Sure can, little whippersnappers.

They sure are. You sure of them, babe?
Mm -hmm.

Say, Ernie.

Yes, dear?

Where are those guys with the jeep? They
should have been here 20 minutes ago.

All right, where were you? Honest,
Ernie, we looked everywhere.

We asked every whack on the post. No
dice. No dice what? Who, what? For

to take our place, you're leaving.
Leaving? Sergeant, hit your orders just

through. You're in report to Fort Sill
immediately.

You better hurry. They're tying the
place upside down. I'm looking for you.

on. Sorry, you'll have to get a
replacement.

Oh, and here's the recipe for the baby's
formula.

Formula? Hey, wait a minute.

You're not going to let me stuck out
here with three kids cut off from the

world, are you? I almost forgot Hench.
Give me a walkie -talkie. Here, Sarge,

you're in trouble, just call in. We'll
alert Sergeant Grover at Signal Corps to

keep a channel open.

Come in.

Good luck, honey, good luck.

Hey, fellas, stop.

That

ease,

that ease.

Changing? You must have seen your mother
do it.

Sorry, I just threw K .P. in this
outfit. Good night.

Changing? Here's a clean diaper.

You know how to change a diaper?

I'll see if I can locate him.

Cap Baxter calling Cap on the hill,
Oklahoma.

Sergeant King?

No, he was there towards the Fort
Grigolo, New Jersey.

What? The soldier's here in trouble.

Hang on.

What? Sergeant King?

No, he was just here away from shipment
overseas.

He's with 21st Regiment, Berlin,
Germany.

What? Oh!

Trenton. GWX. Overseas line.

Communication center. Berlin, Germany.

Emergency!

Communication center. Berlin.

Come in, Trenton.

Who?

Sergeant King.

No, he's home.

He lives on Königsstraße near... What?

Oh, right away.

Sergeant King.

What?

Kid in Kansas.

Chained a diaper.

They're waking up his wife. Help is on
the way.

Baby in Kansas needs a diaper change. I
never heard of such a... Just tell him

how to change it so the whole army can
get some sleep.

Hello?

Well, he'll need a diaper, pins, and
talcum powder.

A fresh diaper, some pins, and some
talcum powder.

Diaper, pins, talcum powder.

Diaper, pins, and talcum powder. Velko,
you need a fresh diaper, pins, and

talcum powder.

Take eight packs of triangles.

Have all flanks meet. Go ahead. Got it.

flanks together.

What? Pin, pin, pin, pin, pin.

Got the pin. Oh, connect triangle. All
right, wait a minute.

All right, triangle completed.

Okay, go on. What?

What?

That's all?

The baby is diapered?

Thank you, Grover.

The baby's diapered.

Baby's diapered. All right, Mrs. King,
you can go back to bed now.

Good night.

I didn't know Bilko was married.

Will you come back to bed?

Bilko. Oh, not again.

What? Wake up Rocco and Henshaw and send
them over there in a jeep?

Bilko, are you out of your...

you up at 2 o 'clock in the morning now?

What is this, a fire drill? Hey, what's
going on here?

What's a kid doing in the barracks?

You never saw a small draftee before?
Take it easy.

Hello.

Where is she?

Thanks, Doc. What's going on?

Small whack.

kids in there.

Now, here's the layout.

You've got to keep them hidden until I
can find somebody to watch over them.

here's what I'll do.

If you long call... All present

on the counter for us, sir. That'll be
all.

What was that?

Corporal Barbella homesick. Oh, that's
too bad. I'm sorry to hear that.

Lieutenant... This thing at the motor
pool. There's two trucks. I told the

to get rid of the small one. Get rid of
the small one. I told them to get rid of

the small one. Well, that's something
you'll have to decide for yourself, Joe.

Hey, where is she? Where is she? Where
is she?

Dialect. He never could get rid of it.

Where is she, Larry? Here she is. Oh,
here she is, Lieutenant.

Here she is.

Well, thank you.

Corporal, I know just how you feel. I
get homesick myself.

talking about? Never mind.

Where is she? Where is she? Watch that.
Even a lieutenant could get wise to you.

Well, where is she?

Where's Betty? Betty?

Now, look, honey. Now, listen. You've
got to stay as quiet as a mouse. But,

Sergeant Bilko, I want someone to play
with.

Freeze. Freeze.

Drive a Doberman from the center here.

Play with her.

But, Sergeant.

That's Sonata.

Now, look, men, here's what we got to
do. You listen to me, we'll get out of

this all right.

Here's what we do.

We can arrange this thing if we all
cooperate.

Now, at the motor pool, who takes charge
of the small parts?

Okay, you're taking care of the baby.

Here's the formula.

Get down to mess, sergeant, so we can
have him make up this formula.

Now, listen to you guys.

This will all work out if you listen to
me.

What's the matter with you, kid? You're
crazy. Don't flash a gun around. You'll

have them surrendering to each other.

All right, you commandos. Backer line.
Out of the double.

Sergeant, who are these men?

You don't know?

This is your daddy's platoon.

Company B, third platoon, motor pool
detail.

My daddy's platoon?

Yes, sir.

These... What's the matter, son?

I don't understand. These are not parade
soldiers.

This is a motor pool detail.

Gee, you can't... Can I dismiss him for
breakfast?

Breakfast? You mean before you inspect
their barracks? Why don't you read comic

books like the other day?

I'm sorry.

You know, the kid may be right.

Some... Thunder.

Just noticing you.

Is that a camouflage outfit you've got
on?

Baseball hat, Hawaiian shirts, old deep
pants, tennis shoes?

How long you been wearing that? 11
years.

11 years.

Well, it's lucky I caught it in time.

Get on the ball, Fender. Hey, listen,
Henshaw. Yo, check on that formula,

I'll go and find a whack to babysit.
Right, Sarge.

Kid's right.

We're a bunch of slugs.

Come on, mops and payers. Let's get this
deep end, please.

Come on.

You gotta be able to find one whack to
help us. Oh, excuse me.

How do you like that?

Eight years on his post, I walk into the
warm barracks. Excuse me, fellas.

Hey, Ernie.

This is our barracks. Who are you
talking to? It can't be our barracks. It

smells so nice. Look at those clean
bunks. These must be OCS...

Kandowski?

Kandowski! Dig this one. Who's the...
Gander.

Gander!

This is... Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

Marlon, right?

This is great.

This one I never saw before in my life.

Unfender, Sarge.

Unfender.

Isn't this tremendous? A real grabber,
isn't it?

Oh, guys, you couldn't have made me more
proud. This is wonderful.

Get that kid, and I'll really show him.
Look, fellas, like we didn't glom in

three cadence, remember?

We drove the air corps crazy, remember?

Archer back.

Son, I want you to meet the members of
your father's platoon.

Gosh, Sergeant Bilko, Daddy didn't lie.

It is the best platoon in the Army. Yes,
sirree. Can I go out and watch him

arch? No, no, no. You've got to stay
hidden. Don't you see? Your daddy, if

see you, they'll know your daddy's got
Doberman's Pass.

You mean my father is A -W -O -L?

Absolute without official leave?

Just technically.

Where are you? Where are you?

Oh, listen. Where's our playmate?
Where's Doberman?

Come here.

Here he is. Okay.

Now you're it, Doberman. But start my
feet.

Go after her. On a double. Here, baby.
Up, up. Here you go. Go, go. Here you

I'm really proud of you. Come on.
Remember the drill in Cadence? Remember

drove him crazy in Guarf? The echo was
in me.

You don't remember, huh?

Here at the post? Send him in.

Colonel Hall?

Yes? I wish to report a deserter. A
deserter? My own father.

Oh, I don't understand.

You see, Sergeant Bilko... Bilko.

Now I understand.

Let's go.

Price command.

Step. Place. Where is he? Where is he?

Listen, can you find the kid who looks
about like a... Sergeant

Bilko? Hello, Hall.

This is heartwarming.

The whole platoon in Class A uniforms,
when they should be in fatigues.

I just dropped by to check.

Bed's made, barracks clean.

Everything's ship -shaped.

Sir, I'd like to explain about... I
know.

Small...

still homesick.

Doberman!

Bilko, in 24 hours you've broken almost
every rule in the army regulations.

So what difference does it make if I
break one more?

I'm permitting a woman to enter the
barracks. A woman? Nell!

Jack, where are they? Where are the
children?

Here's one.

whole story.

Anderson. Yes, sir. Give Private
Doberman his three -day pass.

Thank you, sir.

Good fishing, Doberman.

Jack, they are adorable.

Bill Goe, when O 'Brien gets back, he
can pick up his family in my quarters.

That's if he can get them back from my
wife. Your wife's a... Bill Goe!

Don't!

Don't ever let this happen again.

I can't take much more of this. Look at
me, fellas. I'm all shut.

Two days, two nights without sleep.

Sarge, you've got to get away for a
couple of days. I need a rest. I need a

rest. Oh, there's no more passes.

No more passes. Dopamine has got one.

Dopamine has got a pass. No, that's his
pass. I couldn't. Oh, I don't care what

happens to me. A sergeant has got to
give his life for his men. My heart.

I don't think I can stand my heart.

If I don't get a rest, it's in here. In
here. Oh, I can't. I can't. No, no,

Doberman. You've gone out there on
Crystal Lake. No, Doberman. I couldn't.

couldn't.

And CPO Sharky, a Navy drill instructor
who is a hell of a lot like Don Ricker.

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