All language subtitles for young_dracula_s05e01_fight_or_flight

Ladies and gentlemen, the time is nigh.
Brand new young Dracula is here in a

mere moment's time to celebrate. We are
joined by Renfield himself, Mr. Simon

Ludden. Hello, hello, hello.

Hi then, Renfield, if that is your real
name.

Simon, can you get it right, please?
He's a fraud, because I knew it. His

Simon. He's been telling you all
afternoon.

Are you?

Yep, thanks. Right, Renfield, are you
ready to answer a few cues?

Oh, yep, yep.

Bring the A's to these here queues sent
in by yous. This one is from Erin. Not

that Erin.

And Erin says, how long does it take to
go through makeup?

Oh, hi, Erin.

It takes about an hour, I'd say. I have
to shave my head every day and put white

makeup on. In the first two series, it
used to take a lot longer because I had

wig and yellow boils and all that kind
of rubbish.

Quick way to do it, just not wash your
face.

Boils, boils, boils.

This one's from Jessica. Jessica says,
would you want to be a vampire in real

life? Oh, good question. Hi, Jessica. I
would say yeah, because you get to live

forever and you get to fly.

Nice. Good option.

Good deal.

Rosie. Hello, Rosie. Rosie says, do you
have anything in common with Renfield?

Hi, Rosie.

Well, Renfield eats cockroaches and
maggots and wears women's clothing, so

have to say... Oh, yes, then.

No. And this one's from Charlie. Charlie
says, what's your favourite type of

sausage? Important question for us.

Oh, hi, Charlie. Good question. I would
have to say it's...

Gossage dog.

You've changed.

Yeah, deal with it. You upset me in four
major ways, son.

You have a question for Simon. Now's
your chance to get it in. But right now,

the moment is here, Mr.

Liddell. I give you the floor.

It's now time for Young Dracula.

Enjoy. Who's in that then? Huzzah!

Who's in that? I'm in it.

1 ,800 ,324.

1 million...

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Walks of the old country. Yes, and a
very successful one, too.

Oh, just feel that.

The pelt of the Carpathians, Sabretooth
Panther.

You know, only three of these
magnificent beast sexes. Well, two now.

So if I get something and I return empty
-handed, I should have known you being

nice to me wouldn't last.

You wouldn't be throwing me a welcome
home dinner.

True, true.

But any time, like a going -away party,
just say the word.

Oh, thank goodness you're back, master.
There's a... Oh, sleeper, too.

There's a what, what, what?

Oh, yeah, right, yeah. There's an
assassin slayer downstairs.

But don't worry, I've overpowered him.

Bravo, Renfield. Thank you. Just get
cooking before Vlad arrives.

You don't believe me?

Brilliant. The slayer of the broken
ceasefire.

Just when life was getting boring.

What is that?

It's a Tibetan chakra.

Oh, my.

The ancients used it as a symbol of
protection.

About time!

Now show me this assassin.

Certainly. He's right here, where I left
him.

Imbecile. Imbecile!

What are we going to do?

Right. Pack our bags.

What about Master Vlad? Well, write him
a note.

Some things don't change.

Look what the bat dragged in.

Nice to see you too, sis.

Out of the way, out of the way.

Come here.

Is that really you?

Please tell me you left your luggage and
you're not wearing that by choice.

Oh, it doesn't matter.

1 ,500 ,000, 863.

Oh, what's he doing? The five Tibetan
incantations. Man.

Dinner is served.

No weapons at the table? Ah, do not
state. These are Tibetan meditation

statuettes. One black, one white. The
yin and the yang, the darkness and the

light.

I'm so sorry. It's all fattening,
Renfield.

Let's eat.

If I may.

Pissed bladder in a sea slug marinade.

A braised brain of chip.

And a piece of resistance, poached llama
tongue on a bed of chipmunk entrails.

Oh, yummy, yummy, rub my tummy. I can't
eat that. I'm vegetarian.

Since when?

I'll rattle up something else.

Since the vampire monk Davos Itios
taught me that all life is sacred, we

month at his retreat in the Himalayas.
It's the most amazing place.

Whoa, backtrack.

Who's we?

Was there love in the mountain air?

Talitha's just a really cool friend.

Total free spirit.

We had a connection.

Could it take?

Oh, there was I.

One million.

500 ,000. What is it with this incessant
counting?

I'm playing hard and sweet with Wolfie.

He told me to count to two million.

You haven't told him Mum took Wolfie
back last week?

Richard repeated when his goldfish died.
He was useless for days.

Sentimental old fool.

So, apart from Wolfie, has anything else
exciting happened while I was away?

Ursula Bouderon has been deposed as the
leader of the High Council.

Yes, quite the scandal.

Fiddling expenses to pay for a personal
torture chamber.

He's been replaced by the Minister for
Education, which means there's an

for me. What do you know about
education?

I live in a school. Which appears to
have closed.

Doesn't it seem empty now?

Au contraire, dear boy.

I've knocked through here, here, and
here for the games room.

Back billiards, ten -stick bowling,
table fanball. Oh, come on.

Think of the fun we'll have. Father and
son.

Dueling through the night.

I only popped back to see how you were
before I continue on my travels.

Continue.

We agreed.

You could go away for two months to get
over Erin.

Forget Erin.

Malick's welcome to her. I was born to
travel.

You were born to be my heir.

That was the old me.

This me has seen the hanging gardens of
Junericia, climbed the mountains of

Flamodishu, and swam in the oceans of
Bricolesia. And I've trod in the forests

of Wookieew.

Too much to see in the world.

Make Ingrid your heir.

What?

Never going to happen.

The council doesn't meet today.

I was expecting a decision on the
appointment of the Minister for

Ah, yes.

Well, a decision has been reached.

Great.

When do I start?

You don't.

When you said I was to be given new
responsibilities, I thought... That's

problem with girls.

Thinking.

They can't.

But I do have a position that will play
to your natural strength.

Come.

I can start you around.

May I introduce our new Minister for
Education?

Or should that be Minister for Stealing
People's Jobs? My apologies if you feel

I've trodden on your toes, but I did get
this position on merit.

Indeed he did.

Warlock is something of a computer whiz.
He's bringing us into the 21st century.

You must be Ingrid Dracula.

Our new head of catering.

Catering? She will happily take your
order.

So, how did you manage to wheedle your
way in here?

I've been telling them to go digital,
but they never listen.

I offered Morgan more than just my
computer skills.

Meaning?

Let's just say Morgan wouldn't be where
he is today without me.

Morgan got his promotion because you
still was fiddling with books.

Unless... The keyboard is mightier than
the thick, Ingrid.

Technology is power.

Oh, uh, mine's a wreath of negative.

You know, I was wrong to poo -poo this,
this, this... What is it again, man?

Tibetan praying mantis yoga.

Yes, yes, and you know, I feel... I feel
like a new man. Ready, ready.

More practice needed.

Perhaps you could be my teacher. Forget
the games room.

We shall have a meditation retreat.

Nice try, Dad, but I'm not staying.

Then maybe...

We'll change your mind.

Is that Carpathian panther? Yes, only
the best for you, my boy.

I'm a vegetarian, remember?

One million.

Nine hundred and ninety -nine thousand.

Nine hundred and ninety -nine.

Two million.

Come in, Wolfie. Ready or not.

What are

you

doing with the master's best silver?

I need money and quick.

Well, I could lend you some.

Had a very decent rate of interest.

Oh, I could just give it to you.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Pity, pity,
please. No, don't.

No, don't.

43 pence, two buttons, and what is

that?

No idea.

Oh.

A bottle of the Baroness Fatali.

What a one.

Oh, dear.

Are things really that bad?

All my attempts to keep Vlad from
leaving have turned to nothing.

I may be able to help in return for some
cold, hard cash.

What could you possibly need money for?

That's my business.

You don't want Vlad to stay.

What are you up to?

If you're going to be nosy, you can add
my own private quarters to the asking

price.

Very well.

Do your...

Worse.

Reese is negative.

It's a day late.

Service leaves a lot to be desired.

I've been busy thinking through some
policies.

You? I'm not just a pretty face.

And I insist you take the credit.

Where is Ingrid?

This is it.

Bye, Dad.

Save us the postcards.

Look after yourself, eh?

And remember, keep pipes watching you.

From the High Council.

It says they're introducing a batter
laureate.

To ensure the old ways are not lost
between generations, vampires must pass

citizenship exam before the eve of their
18th birthday.

Nice one, Ingrid.

What? What? What? What?

No, no, no.

Nice one for Ingrid.

She'll be over the moon. Her brother's
here to stay.

I'm not.

I'll take a couple of revision books
with me and pop back for the exam.

Good luck fitting them in your backpack.

What's going on?

Oh, the High Council are introducing a
battle laureate.

Clipping poor, poor Vladdy's wings.

No problem. These won't take me long to
speed read. I'll just delay my trip by a

night. There's more on the back.

This is your doing, isn't it? What
influence do I have on the High Council?

I'm just a tea lady.

Before you ask, I'd absolutely nothing
to do... This is totally out of order.

Sit here.

All those taking the bat a laureate are
subject to a curfew.

Anyone caught leaving home during the
hours of darkness will be sentenced to

months in a UV cage. Ingrid, you really
are a chip off the old block. Renfield.

Aren't you forgetting something?

No,

I don't think so.

The battle lawyer hasn't passed into law
yet.

It still needs a unanimous vote from the
High Council.

If I vote against, it's adios, Vlad.

Right, right. How much do we agree on?

That should cover it.

And my private quarters?

You can have the attic.

In the east wing.

Look, enough of this meditation.

You have revisions. As soon as this is
over.

We'll throw a party to celebrate your
coming of age.

Don't bother. I'll be celebrating my
independence with a one -way ticket out

here.

Will you employ him?

Uh, was I in dispute myself?

Vampire at Rebellion?

Awesome, huh?

No, it's totally unrealistic.

Where are all the women?

And who's ever heard of vampires turning
invisible?

That's if they even existed, which they
don't, obviously.

Well, if you're not into gaming, then
why do you need such a high -spec

computer?

I'm keeping up with the competition.

Competition must be

quaking in their boots.

What are you looking for?

The VHC.

What does that stand for?

Very hot chocolate.

They're a folk band.

Right.

Well, should be able to hack into this.

It's his files I want.

Whoa, this guy has got some serious
security.

We need to fill in the blanks of
whatever this is.

It's the family tree of some friends of
ours.

Okay, I've got it.

Gwyndlaw is bloodbound to Cora Blacks
and their daughter is Lucrezia.

Lucrezia. Ah, sneaky.

He's used random algorithms to change
the parameters each time.

I don't know any of the Impundurus.

Well, we have one more chance before it
locks us out and alerts us.

Wormack, they were trying to hack into
his files.

But that's impossible. There are nine
volumes of bloodlines. Nobody could

memorise every page.

Yes,

these. Cam, there is an inbuilt camera
linked to a microprocessor. You just

to show me the book.

Answer the question.

Because I'm not a vampire.

It's pretty obvious.

The VHC stands for Vampire High Council
Not Very Hot Chocolate. And you've just

shown me a family tree of the Impindulu,
who took their name from the legend of

the Queen.

I mean, what can I say?

I am really into my baiters.

You really need to get out more.

Is that an offer?

Wolfie!

Wolfie!

Can't see you, Wolfie, master.

Oh, you don't look so well, master lad.

I feel terrible.

There's nothing selfish.

You're going to have to open wide.

Oh, no, you don't.

But masturbation's not very well. Yes, a
severe case of scleritis, no doubt.

I'm not putting it on. My head is
pounding. My nose is blocked.

You're probably alerting to that.

Pungent pong.

They burnt incense all the time at the
retreat.

You probably picked up something on your
travels.

There was a deadly outbreak of
transylvanian swamp fever last year.

you? It was swamp fever.

It'd be covered in purple spots.

Yeah, but you don't know what other
nasties there are out there.

So find out.

I've mapped everywhere I've been in my
travel log. It's in my backpack.

Some research can't do any harm.

But not everything.

Well, I've got some great news, Master.

I think I have Tibetan fancifulitis, and
it's highly contagious.

So why aren't you wearing a protective
suit?

It only affects biters.

My head's killing me. What's the cure?

There isn't one.

So I'm going to die.

My blinding bolt.

What's this call?

You want some more? He says find a cure.

Find a cure! Find a cure!

Of course, it's obvious, isn't it, when
you think about it?

But I can't. Why not?

Master said no testing. That was before
he was fang -cephalitis. Do you think he

wants me to die?

So do the test!

All I have to do is look at each page,
the glasses they scan, all the

information, and store it.

So... You can just sit back and decide
where we're going on that date.

A date?

You, the nerdy gaming breather, and me,
the sophisticated and deadly biter.

Well, they do treat opposites attract.

Day being desperate breathers. Oh, come
on.

It'll be fun.

What do you say?

Kill me now?

Okay, okay.

One date.

Brilliant. Oh, we could maybe check out
one of those folk bands you love so much

You're not as funny as you think Come
on, admit it That wasn't

bad

Doubly strange.

I've caught it. I'm going to die.

Oh, do not go gentle until I could die.

Oh, master, woe is me.

I've tested you. I told you not to do
any tests.

I couldn't find a cure. No more tests.

Perfect timing.

Well done.

Oh.

Oh, yes!

We are into Warnock's files.

Now, when are we going on that date?

You didn't really think I'd let you go
after everything you've seen, did you?

I suppose not. Which is why I have sent
a copy of everything to my own computer

on a timed release.

If I don't get back within the next
hour, the name of every living vampire

be on the internet.

I am loving those, by the way.

I thought I said no more testing.

I'm sorry, Master, but Vlad's DNA is
what?

Half of it is biter, like yours.

Mine.

I ran a test on one of your heads.

Whatever you thought you saw, you
didn't.

You are mistaken.

Don't hypnotise me. I'm sorry I ran the
test, but Vlad's life depends on them.

And your life depends on forgetting what
you saw.

But you don't understand.

The other half of Vlad's DNA is like
mine.

He's half -breather.

Does Vlad know? No!

And he never will!

It's a burden I swore I would carry
alone.

What do I say? A problem is shared. A
problem for you, if you even think about

telling anyone.

I'm sorry, Master.

It's a fact of a large... Rayfield!

You're a breather.

You can't touch anything. Oh.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

That's it.

Brilliant!

What is it?

A very hard breather.

He hasn't got a bite to rule with. He's
got a cold. Oh, my.

You've got to come and breathe the cold.

Find a cure.

So it was you who dished the dirt on you
strong.

Game on.

Right.

Hard cure coming on.

Oh, yeah.

About that.

It does seem like an awfully big secret.

And one you can take to the grave if
blackmail is your game.

I thought you'd say that.

Which is why I wrote it all down and hid
it. You did what?

Insurance. But if you were to bite me,
as you always promised... You devious

little... Very well.

I promise to... Bite you.

In 13 leap years time.

13 years? 13 leap years.

13 leap years?

One nil to Renfield.

What's he so happy about?

The prospect of finding your brother a
cure.

What's that smell?

Let's try it.

Wolfie's favourite.

Wolfie's gone.

Magda took him away last week.

My Wolfie?

Left you these.

I'll keep these close to my heart
forever.

Oh, Wolfie.

Here it is.

What have you done there?

It's only my old dad's recipe.

Honey, lemon, elderflower, menthol, and
a little hint of garlic.

Garlic!

Now we know, Master Vlad.

He must never know about that. And
remember one thing.

My son will always be more batter than
breather.

But that's what I'm worried about.

In olden times, a common cold used to
kill breathers.

What are you saying?

If Master Vance hath water, he might not
have a breather's natural immunity.

He could be faithful.

He doesn't look good, does he, Master?

What happens next?

But really, Simon, what happens next?

Oh, crikey, sorry, I'm hypnotised. Um, I
can't tell you what happens next, I'll

get into big trouble, but tune in,
please. But try!

Fantastic. Indeed you do. Next Monday,
more brand new Young Dracula. Woo! So

glad that he's back, really enjoyed
that, and I'm really enjoying these

questions you guys are sending for
Simon. Simon.

Oh, yeah? Are you braced for queues? Oh,
am I braced? Throw your a - He's the

waiter. Bring him on, bring him on. This
one is from Lucy. Hello, Lucy. And Lucy

says, what's the best bit about filming
Young Dracula?

Ah, hi there, Lucy.

The best thing is the great cast and
crew. We all get on brilliantly.

And those stories are just fantastic to
bring to life. It's great to watch them

as well. Thank you. It's a delight to
have it back. Thank you, thank you. One

my favourite shows.

This one is from Anya. Hello, Anya. Anya
says, what is your favourite cheese?

Oh, hi, Anya. Yeah, well, I love cheese.

And I'll have to say that my favourite
cheese is cheddar.

Oh, it's a strong, mature, sturdy
cheese.

A bit like myself.

A stalwart of the toast world.

This is from Preet. Great name, eh,
Preet? Preet says, do you really eat

for the show? Because I'd never do that,
even for a million quid.

Hire Preet. No, don't eat.

insects at all. I have to pretend to eat
cockroaches, and if you put them really

near your mouth, they start hissing at
you because they're scared of you, and

they're very slippery, and they're very
difficult to pick up. So don't eat

cockroaches, is my advice.

Never. Oh, dear.

And this one's from Poppy. Hello, Poppy.
Poppy says, were you annoyed by David

Olive's before?

Uh, hi, Poppy. No, I was just frustrated
and confused. Why was he so interested

in cleaning?

Well, no worries for that, because he's
viewed your buttons up a treat. Yes, he

does. They're reet -shiny. Thank you for
all your questions, and thank you,

Simon, so much for coming. Oh, thank
you. It's been a... Pleasure.

See you again in Brighton next week, but
right now here is Scooby -Doo.