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Christine, remember when we were little
girls? We'd be in our room playing with
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our dolls, feeding them, changing them.
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Why was that fun?
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Because when you got sick of them, you
could stick them in a shoebox and shove
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them under the bed.
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But you loved your crying Kathy doll.
You must have kept her on your
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until you were 20.
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Well, that's because when I was in high
school, I figured out how to unscrew her
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head and hide my diaphragm in its neck.
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I always wondered why you'd disappear in
the bathroom with that doll.
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I think I was doing.
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Hey, when you're 17 and a girl's willing
to have sex with you, you don't ask any
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questions.
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Hey, I didn't see your sister's car
parked out front.
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Are you actually going to have one night
without them? Because I would hate
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that. Hello.
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I parked a couple houses up. You know,
your lawn sprinklers are getting
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watermarks on my car.
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That's because the lawn sprinklers are
working and you're not.
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Hi, Tina.
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How you doing, buddy?
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Look, Daddy stopped off and looked at
some jungle gems on his way home from
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work. Look what I'm going to buy you.
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Greg, do you really think he's ready for
a fireman's pole and a rock wall? He
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can't even hold a sippy cup.
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Well, you'll grow into it. Besides, I
thought we'd let Dominic test it out for
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year and make sure it's safe.
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Good idea.
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I think a jungle gym would be great, you
know, and kids get some fresh air and
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some exercise. And, you know, if you put
it outside the guest house, I can watch
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them and Ricky Lake without getting out
of bed.
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I just want to make sure we don't spoil
Sam.
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There's no reason to punish me.
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Daddy!
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Hi, sweetheart.
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Daddy! What are you doing here?
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What am I doing here? Can't a guy come
see his daughters and grandsons and...
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How you doing, Greg?
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Hey, Don. Good to see you.
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You look skinny.
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Oh, well, thank you.
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Been thick?
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Dad! Hey, there's my son -in -law.
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How are you doing?
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You're 3 ,000 miles away from home, you
lunatic.
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Enjoying the perks of working for an
airline.
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Free first class and early retirement.
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You're retired?
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More time to see kiddo and sport and
buckle here.
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You don't know their names, do you? Not
in order, but I'll get it.
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You're retired, huh?
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That's surprising. You seem too young to
be retired.
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What's that supposed to mean?
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What? Are you calling me lazy?
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No, I'm just saying that you look so
young that... I'm calling you lazy
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I know you'll be on your boat all day
fishing. Every chance I can get.
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That is what I'm not flying here to see
you whenever I can.
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What? What? What?
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I went out for milk this morning, and it
occurs to me, 15 minutes to the
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airport, five hours on first class,
free, and here I am with you.
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Isn't this great? And here I thought
we'd move so far away we'd only get to
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you a couple times a year.
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Anybody else need a drink?
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I thought you handled that very well.
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Handled what?
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I ran away.
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Now I'm going to try to solve my
problems by drinking.
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I know.
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Thank you.
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Oh, I don't get it. I mean, I can't win
with him. Kimmy hates me. He doesn't
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hate you. He's just kidding around.
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That's his thing with you.
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Oh, yeah? That's his thing with me?
Okay, then I need a thing with him. From
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on, every time I see him, I'm going to
poke him in the eye. That'll be my thing
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with him.
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Greg, we've been through this. Can't you
just be the bigger person and let it
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go? Well, why do I always have to be the
bigger person?
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Because I plan to do something very
special for whoever acts like the bigger
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person, and if it ends up being my
father, I'll have to marry him and move
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the Ozarks.
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00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:11,810
Tim, we sleep in the same bed every
night.
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We've been married for three years.
Don't you think it's a little sad that
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try to bribe me with sex?
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You're saying no? I'm saying yes, but it
makes me a little sad.
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It's got to be the best steak I've ever
had. Where do you learn to cook like
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this, Jimmy?
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I just got it hot, flipped it over.
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That's how your mother and I made you,
Christine.
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Thanks, Dad. Now I can't eat or have
sex.
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You know, Dad, Greg's the one who got
these steaks.
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Really? Yeah, and they're very
expensive.
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You have to order them through a
catalog.
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You want a steak from a catalog?
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Oh, yeah, they're from Omaha.
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Greg, it's a cow.
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Where it lives doesn't matter how it
tastes.
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Where'd you get the salt from?
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Salt Lake City?
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I saw this guy coming.
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Yeah, they saw me coming, all right.
Just a big old idiot willing to pay for
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dinner.
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What do you think of the strawberries I
brought?
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Oh, they're great, Dad.
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Greg, you didn't have one yet. Oh,
that's okay, Don. I don't like
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Come on, try one. He's allergic. Oh,
there we go.
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He's allergic?
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To strawberries?
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That's ridiculous.
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They're good for you.
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Come on, eat one. I can't eat one. If I
eat one, I'll get a stomachache, swell
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up, vomit, and then pass out.
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All from one little strawberry?
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Are you a delicate little flower?
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You still giving your hard time out
there?
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Oh, not so bad.
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I think he's just a little disappointed
I haven't eaten his fruit and died.
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I know what you're going through, but...
Would it make you feel any better if
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you knew what I picked on you?
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Yes, of course it would.
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Okay, he doesn't respect you.
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Well, that doesn't make me feel any
better at all.
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Yeah, I was kind of surprised you
thought it would.
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Look, Greg, don't take it personally. He
did the same thing to me in high
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school. Why didn't he respect you in
high school?
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Well, I did sales geometry.
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And I was a big slut.
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He doesn't pick on Jimmy.
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At least I support my family. I'm
responsible.
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Well, that's...
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Well, not the kind of stuff that my dad
respects.
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Jimmy fixes his own car, and he helped
my dad build an addition on his house.
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You know, guy stuff.
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I do guy stuff. I know how to fix
things.
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Greg, you called an electrician to
change a light bulb.
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That was a fluorescent tube.
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They're very tricky to get out.
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I don't know where that cow came from,
but I sure know where it's going.
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You got any reading material?
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Well, I'd offer you my copy of Emily
Post's Book of Etiquette, but obviously
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you've already read it.
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What's this?
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It's just a jungle gym brochure.
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Look what they charge for this.
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California.
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What idiot would buy this when you can
make it yourself?
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Oh, sorry.
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Why, you didn't think I was going to buy
one of those, do you?
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You're not?
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No, I'm not going to waste thousands of
dollars on one of those things.
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I'm going to build it myself.
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You?
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Yeah, me.
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Joking.
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No, I mean, why do you think I got this
brochure? I'm using it as a template.
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When are you going to do this?
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Tomorrow.
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Really? Yeah, I've been planning it for
weeks.
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That'll be fun. Yeah. Now I can help
you. Oh, thanks, Don, but I'm a little
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particular when it comes to
construction.
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Greg, this is a very big job. Don, take
it easy. It's a jungle job.
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Fine. If you want to do it yourself,
fine with me.
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You sure you got the proper tools?
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Please, I got a whole drawer full.
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You all right with that, Greg?
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00:08:04,690 --> 00:08:08,010
Uh, yeah, Don. It's just this damn
pressure -treated wood. It's so hard,
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like drilling into a rock.
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You sure you got the fit going in the
right direction?
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Yes.
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Listen, Greg, I think you're a tap
dancing down Jackass Alley here.
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Why don't you come to San Diego with us
before you drill a hole in yourself that
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you weren't born with?
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Well, thanks, but I should get this
done.
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Come on, come to the zoo. We're flying
first class.
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And then tomorrow, if you let Jimmy and
us help you, the thing will be up for
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the kids by tomorrow night. Don, if you
just let me get to work here, they'll be
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playing on it tonight.
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Dad, everyone's getting in the car.
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Yeah, okay, let's go, Bucko.
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Daddy's not bucko.
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He's kiddo.
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If he gets my name right, I'll get his
name right.
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Bye, Sammy. Have a good time.
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Greg.
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Is this really necessary?
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Yes, Kim, it is. I'm going to show your
father I can do all the stupid things
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that he respects.
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I'm fucking tired of him making fun of
me just because he thinks I can't do
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things around the house.
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You did call the electrician when the
kitchen... That was a fluorescent tube.
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And go on. Have a good time at the zoo.
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All right.
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Jimmy, are you coming?
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Yeah, I'll be there in a sec.
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I don't want to go to the stupid zoo.
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Why not?
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Dominic's at that age where I'm going to
have to have that whole daddy -what's
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-the -monkey -doing -to -himself
discussion.
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So don't go.
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I can't just not go.
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Hey, why don't you go out there and tell
Christine you need my help?
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00:09:47,660 --> 00:09:48,720
Because I don't need your help.
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00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,620
Dude, I'm not going to actually help
you.
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Just tell her I am.
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00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,340
No, I don't want anyone to think that I
had any help. I want to do this on my
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own. Well, aren't you forgetting
something?
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What? You can't do this on your own.
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00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,460
Yes, I can. If you and Don can do it,
any idiot can do it. Oh, fine. Now I'm
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idiot? Okay, genius.
209
00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:09,280
Do it by yourself. But, uh, here's a
little tip. You might want to get a
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skullhead pivot driver to put those
brackets in with.
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00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:14,980
Well, as a matter of fact, I was just
going down to the hardware store to get
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00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:16,040
skullhead pivot driver.
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00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,670
Well, if you can't find it... Look in
the tools that don't exist because my
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00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:21,830
brother -in -law made it up section.
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Mm -hmm.
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Oh, my God.
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00:12:10,370 --> 00:12:12,050
Turn off the sprinkler, please!
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00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:15,110
Are you okay?
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00:12:15,410 --> 00:12:16,530
Yeah, I'm just stuck.
220
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:19,450
Good, because I would have felt bad
about laughing if you were hurt.
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00:12:20,950 --> 00:12:26,270
Can you just get me out of here before
Don could... Hey, Don, how you doing?
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00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:28,450
What are you doing under there?
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Just putting the finishing touches on
her. Want to give me a hand hoisting her
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up?
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What do you think, Don? Should we help
him out?
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00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:39,540
I don't know. I don't know, Greg. He's
very particular when it comes to
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construction.
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00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:45,500
Yeah, it doesn't take a genius to get
out from under there, you know.
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00:12:45,940 --> 00:12:47,560
Any idiot could figure it out.
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Somebody please get me out of here.
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Ow.
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This is flimsy.
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00:12:59,620 --> 00:13:00,640
What'd you use with these?
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00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,160
I used screws, just like it said in the
plan.
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00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:04,800
These are drywall screws.
236
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:07,000
You need heavy -duty screws.
237
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,040
Or half -inch galvanized lag bolts.
238
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,000
Yeah, and he's gonna need a ratchet set.
239
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,720
Hey, you got a ratchet set in your tool
chest?
240
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:15,540
No, but I got a swing set up my ass.
241
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,580
Oh, my God! Are you okay? He's fine.
242
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:22,800
He's just stuck.
243
00:13:23,940 --> 00:13:24,940
Oh!
244
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,780
Well, Dominic seems to like it.
245
00:13:37,710 --> 00:13:39,210
My dad took the kids for ice cream.
246
00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:41,190
Said he'd bring something back for you.
247
00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:44,510
That's his idea.
248
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:48,010
Well, you know what he's going to do.
He's going to bring back strawberry ice
249
00:13:48,010 --> 00:13:49,010
cream.
250
00:13:49,390 --> 00:13:52,610
What he doesn't know is when you freeze
strawberries, it breaks down the protein
251
00:13:52,610 --> 00:13:54,610
so I can eat it. Huh? Who's the doofus
now?
252
00:13:56,410 --> 00:14:00,070
No one thinks you're a doofus. Now, you
want to pull down your pants so I can
253
00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:01,570
try to get some of those splinters out
again?
254
00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:03,310
No.
255
00:14:03,370 --> 00:14:04,550
It'll make you feel better.
256
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,420
There's only one thing that's going to
make me feel better. When your dad gets
257
00:14:07,420 --> 00:14:09,360
back, I'm going to tell him he can't
come here anymore.
258
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,040
Greg, please.
259
00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:14,260
I'm caught in the middle here. He's my
father.
260
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:18,040
Yeah, Kim, and I'm your husband, and I
can only be pushed so far until I start
261
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,040
pushing back.
262
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:21,580
I like that. Maybe I should write some
of this stuff down.
263
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,360
I'm asking you for one favor.
264
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:25,760
Let it go.
265
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:28,460
He'll be gone tomorrow night. It'll all
be over.
266
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,940
Oh, no, no, no. He'll be back.
267
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,980
He'll be back, all right. He'll get up
in the morning and want to mail us a
268
00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:36,860
letter, but instead he'll get on a
plane. You know why?
269
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,900
Because for him, flying here is cheaper
than a stamp.
270
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,760
I can't believe you're doing this.
271
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:46,160
Well, believe it, because there's a new
Greg Warner in town. He doesn't take any
272
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,160
crap.
273
00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:49,500
Where's a costume pen?
274
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,640
You know I'm in here, right?
275
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:08,520
the hell are you doing taking a bath the
guest house only has a shower i'm sorry
276
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:13,100
it's just been a long time since we had
freeloaders dude what are you doing
277
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,520
arguing with your wife about don anyways
did you hear that yeah i think you're
278
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:21,520
making too big a deal out of this well
of course you do don likes you i'm the
279
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:25,200
one he's always messing with and i'm
sick of it and if he thinks could you
280
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:29,720
some bubbles up in front of you please
so he messes with you take it as a
281
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,610
compliment what are you talking about
Come on, man. Why do you think he acts
282
00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:34,229
this way?
283
00:15:34,230 --> 00:15:35,890
It's because he's so threatened by you.
284
00:15:36,090 --> 00:15:39,410
What? Look, before you came along, he
took care of everybody in this family.
285
00:15:39,950 --> 00:15:42,750
Picked up the check at dinner, bought
the kids stuff.
286
00:15:43,550 --> 00:15:46,410
When Christine and I didn't have enough
money to go on our honeymoon, he let us
287
00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:47,490
stay in his boat for a weekend.
288
00:15:47,970 --> 00:15:49,990
And he didn't come in the garage the
entire time.
289
00:15:53,150 --> 00:15:54,150
So what?
290
00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:55,270
Think about it, man.
291
00:15:55,770 --> 00:15:57,730
You make more money than he's ever made.
292
00:15:58,060 --> 00:16:00,420
You guys are all living in a nicer house
than he ever had.
293
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,880
I mean, ever since you came along, no
one asked him for anything.
294
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,700
I don't know. It sounds crazy. What is
it?
295
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:10,960
What's the first thing he did when you
wouldn't let him build the jungle gym?
296
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,960
He had to be the big man, fly everyone
down to San Diego.
297
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,720
Why do you think he likes me so much?
298
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:18,860
I'm guessing it's from breathing jet
fuel for 40 years.
299
00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:22,640
Because I'm not a threat to him.
300
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,520
Whenever we're together, I let him pay.
301
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,400
Every couple of months, I hit him up for
a few hundred bucks.
302
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:31,460
And that doesn't bother you? No, because
unlike you, I happen to care about our
303
00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:32,460
father -in -law's feelings.
304
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,940
See, that's how I give.
305
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,080
I take it.
306
00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:45,760
Well, just so you know, with me, you've
given enough.
307
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,600
Sometimes I even ask him questions about
fixing cars and stuff when I already
308
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,180
know the answer just because it makes
him happy.
309
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,000
I guess I should have let him help with
the jungle gym, huh?
310
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,180
You don't need to compete with him.
You've already won.
311
00:17:02,820 --> 00:17:07,560
You know, Jimmy, sometimes your life's
smarter than anyone gives you credit
312
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,460
Hey, you want to get in here with me and
totally freak out our wives?
313
00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:21,319
Dad? What?
314
00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:24,400
You... you washed your hands, didn't
you?
315
00:17:25,130 --> 00:17:26,130
Wash my hands?
316
00:17:26,530 --> 00:17:28,410
I'm feeding them. I'm not operating on
them.
317
00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:35,350
Look, Dad, Greg and I were just upstairs
talking.
318
00:17:35,550 --> 00:17:37,190
Hey, Don, there you are.
319
00:17:37,410 --> 00:17:40,250
Listen, tomorrow morning, you think you
could give me some help with the jungle
320
00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:41,250
gym?
321
00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:43,530
You need help?
322
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:46,290
Come on, Don. I was trapped under that
thing for six hours.
323
00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:50,130
I just blew my nose and a bug came out.
324
00:17:51,510 --> 00:17:53,610
I mean, I can't do it without you. What
do you say?
325
00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:59,350
It'll be my pleasure, kid, but you've
got to get up very early, 6 a .m. I was
326
00:17:59,350 --> 00:18:00,350
thinking more like 5.
327
00:18:00,550 --> 00:18:03,130
No difference to me. I'm up half the
night peeing anyway.
328
00:18:06,970 --> 00:18:08,130
What was that all about?
329
00:18:08,790 --> 00:18:11,110
Well, I thought a lot about what you
said, and you were right.
330
00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:13,470
Sometimes you just need to be the bigger
man.
331
00:18:14,570 --> 00:18:15,570
Thank you.
332
00:18:17,370 --> 00:18:20,510
5 a .m., though. Why do you have to get
up so early? Well, after we're done, we
333
00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:22,110
have to put a bathtub in the guest
house.
334
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:29,380
Dominic, don't eat that.
335
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:30,860
Put it down.
336
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:32,480
Put it down.
337
00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:33,700
That looks good.
338
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,840
Anybody check to see if the bolts are
tight? I did. I tightened them all.
339
00:18:37,220 --> 00:18:38,460
Jimmy, let me have the wrench.
340
00:18:39,340 --> 00:18:40,340
Don,
341
00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:41,540
I tightened them.
342
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,140
Greg, I'm sure you think you tightened
them, but wouldn't it help you a little
343
00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:46,680
bit better? Don, double check.
344
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,040
Why not?
345
00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:51,820
Good.
346
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:53,920
Let me check the other ones.
347
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,460
Dominic, don't eat that. That's a bug,
okay? It's got to make it.
348
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:57,780
That's gradiated.
349
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,840
Oh, good. Okay, now you know what they
taste like. Okay? Now you take twice
350
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,920
before you... Dominic, stop eating the
bug!
351
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,420
I thought you said you tighten these,
Greg.
352
00:19:11,660 --> 00:19:13,440
Don, let's be honest. They're not loose.
353
00:19:13,780 --> 00:19:14,880
What am I tightening them for?
354
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,560
I think we both know why.
355
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:18,920
What are you talking about?
356
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:22,280
I'm just saying, why make a big show
pretending you're tightening the bolts?
357
00:19:22,540 --> 00:19:24,440
Why don't you just tell me how you feel
inside?
358
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:29,740
All right, I feel that the bolts need
tightening.
359
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,960
No, I'm talking about why you tease me
in front of everyone because of what
360
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:35,960
you're going through.
361
00:19:36,020 --> 00:19:37,020
What am I going through?
362
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:43,720
Look, Don, I know you're feeling
vulnerable and scared. I mean, maybe
363
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,260
threatened because you're afraid.
364
00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:50,280
I'm the man you used to be. I mean, it's
only natural that would make you feel
365
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:51,280
weak and old.
366
00:19:51,780 --> 00:19:53,640
I mean, you feel emasculated.
367
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,040
I'm the one.
368
00:19:55,690 --> 00:19:57,550
I'm the one that took your manhood away.
369
00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:02,750
This is the way it's supposed to be in a
family.
370
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:09,630
The men working together, side by side,
helping each other, making each other's
371
00:20:09,630 --> 00:20:10,630
lives easier.
30214
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