All language subtitles for yes_dear_s01e02_weaning_isnt_everything

Greg, would you mind changing, Sam? I'm
just putting away the groceries. No

problem, honey.

Are the diapers upstairs or in the
diaper bag?

Upstairs, under the changing table.
Should I use that cream or is that just

night? Yes, use the cream.

Use the white cream or that jelly stuff?

You know what? Just give them to me.

Sure, because I'll do it. Okay, I got
it.

You were right.

I tell you, it works every time.

Jimmy, I'm trying to see Dominic in
here. Would you mind taking a little for

walk? Oh, I'd love to.

Hey, honey, is the stroller in the car
or in the garage?

It's going to be wrapped around your
neck if you start with that question

again.

Of course, it doesn't work as well with
the second kid.

They're really cute at this age, aren't
they?

Yeah, except when mine's pouring sand
down his pants.

Or that other kid's pants. Dominic,
leave him alone.

That's okay. He's mine.

I don't mind the sand. It kind of works
like cat litter.

Hey there.

How'd you guys do?

Well, we lost, but those guys must play
ball in school. They were amazing. Yeah,

and rough.

You know, I'm a big guy. I bruise like a
banana.

They did play a little dirty.

That's good, guys.

They're not even wearing sneakers.

Shut up.

Hey, cool. Is that kid on a leash? That
is terrible.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.

Kid on a leash.

Never ceases to amaze me the stuff I see
some of these parents doing.

Mommy, I'm hungry.

Oh, would you like a cookie? Oh, no,
thanks. I got it.

There's another park we can't go back
to.

I hope she didn't think we were rude.

Well, we did kind of run to the car.

Call me old -fashioned, but I think a
child is too old to breastfeed when he

unhook mommy's bra with one hand.

Relax. You know, maybe we didn't see
what we thought we saw. Maybe the kid

just a freakishly gigantic one -year
-old.

Jimmy, when he was done, he asked his
mother to lay off the Mexican food.

breastfeeding that long, how do you
stop?

I mean, at that point, you've got to do
the whole don't worry, we'll still be

friends speech.

One year, that's what most of the books
said, right, Kim?

Yeah, most of them said a year. Some
said a little more, some said a little

less, but a year was more than enough
for me. I couldn't wait to stop.

That woman's a freak.

Oh, come on, guys.

Breastfeeding is beautiful. It's nature.

It's not like she's committing some
crime.

She just wanted to get a free peek at
her boob.

It's a woman breastfeeding. feeding
believe me there's nothing sexual about

do you see him a little the kid's head
was in the way

Anything you want to say?

Good night.

Do you want to talk about this?

About what?

Kim, remember when you were
breastfeeding Sam and the door opened

walks in and you screamed at him in
horror and shame?

That was me.

I thought I recognized you.

Good night.

I just want you to know that I don't
think you're a bad mother.

What does that mean?

I'm just saying that, you know, if you
want to keep breastfeeding Sammy for a

few months, I don't think it necessarily
means you're some sort of freak.

Hey, don't turn this around on me. I
mean, if you thought you were acting so

normal, how come when I walked in, you
shoved my son's head under your

like you were shoplifting a ham?

You just don't understand.

Oh, come on, Kim. Give me some credit,
okay? I do read some of those books you

give me. I know how hard it is for a
first -time mother to stop

You're having trouble separating from
your son.

I mean, you two have this precious bond,
and you're afraid you're severing this

intimate connection with your child. I'm
doing it.

You knew when you got them, they were
just rentals.

I mean, like that convertible we had on
vacation. Yeah, it was fun and exciting,

but it's time to get back to our
dependable everyday car.

Which always gets me where I need to go.

It's not that easy, Greg.

Are you saying that I've become very
attached to them?

They're fantastic.

It's like they have magic powers. Men
see them and just go into a trance. I

swear, I think I could rob a bank with
these things.

When you say big penis, you mean like
repulsively big, right?

Like circus big.

Come on, admit it.

You like these things, too.

Oh, of course I do, but it's just going
to be a little creepy sharing them with

my 10 -year -old son.

Kim, when I fell in love, I fell in love
with the petite, perky Kim.

I'm going to love you no matter what you
look like.

What if they never go back to the way
they were?

They've been through a lot lately.

Come on, how much could it change?

Remember my mother at the beach?

I am going to love you no matter what
you look like.

Thank you.

What do you think we should do about
this?

I guess tomorrow when he wakes up, we
can try to give him the bottle.

I think that would be best.

Now get in the bed, you little sneak.

Okay, I'm not going to be able to sleep
when you said big.

I don't know, Kim. Seems like an awful
lot of trouble just for bigger jugs.

I knew you wouldn't understand. You got
all the breasts in the family.

Hey, you want half my chest?

Fine, but you're going to have to take
half my ass, too.

Hey, don't give that away. I like that.

If you get rid of something, give her
those feet.

I just wanted some advice about weaning
the baby.

Oh, God.

It's going to be pure hell.

Why? I mean, that boob is pretty
important to him.

I mean, think about how much grown men
think about breath.

And they don't even give us breakfast.

Wouldn't it be cool if pancakes came out
of it?

Kim, just don't worry about it, okay?
Look, it's going to be a rough couple of

nights, but it's not going to be bad.

Yeah, we can do it.

We? Yeah, I'm going to be there.

I happen to be the kind of father who
wants to be involved in raising his son.

We're a team.

Uh -oh, Greg. Kim can't be there.

You've got to do this alone.

But we're a team.

Why can't she be there? Why can't she be
there?

All the books say it's too hard for the
child if the mother's still in the room.

Yeah, think about it. Would you take a
bottle if you get it straight from the

tap?

Well, that's not fair.

I had to cut the umbilical cord. I had
to witness the circumcision. Now I got

rip him away from the thing he loves
most. Why does the father have all the

stuff? Honey, I passed an entire human
being through my body.

Yeah, but I'm the one... Stay down, stay
down.

Greg.

Greg. What?

He's crying.

Oh, yeah, I got it.

Again?

All right. I didn't want to do this, but
here come the cold feet.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm up. I'm up.

I still think you should see a doctor
about those.

Hey,

Sammy.

Look who it is. It's your daddy.

Good to see you, too.

I know you're hungry.

Look what I brought for you. A bottle.

Come on, don't be like that.

Come on, it's time for you to take a
bottle, big guy.

Big boys don't like boobies.

Well, yes, they do, but not for what you
do with them.

Well, that's not really true either.

You want to hold it yourself? Come here.

You want to hold it yourself?

Hold the bottle. Come on.

Come on. That's it.

That's it. We don't need mommy.

This is how big boys do it.

Did he throw the bottle?

It's under control. I got it.

Did you wipe the nipple off?

I didn't have to. Most of it got on my
stomach.

Not your nipple. The nipple on the
bottle.

Oh, yeah. Go back to bed. He's not
supposed to see you.

Oh, he looks so...

Kim, we all look sad. It's 3 a .m. Go to
bed.

He likes the Mozart CD, but skip track
one because the bassoon frightens him.

you want to do this? Because I'll just
go back to bed.

You know I can't. Well, then leave me
alone so I can.

The faster you get out of here, the
faster it'll be done. I don't want to do

this night after night.

You're right. You're right. This has to
be done tonight.

Good night. Good night.

Tim, you're killing me here. He is not
supposed to see you. No, Sammy, that's

not Mommy. It's some crazy lady in a
Mommy mask.

I'll be right back, Sammy.

I'm sorry.

I can't listen to him cry.

I thought this was about the boobs.

So did I, but my son needs me, and I
can't take it. I know this is tough, but

it's just one of those painful parts of
being a parent.

It's like when Sammy was born, and you
made me sell my motorcycle.

You mean your scooter?

My point is, it was hard to part with my
motorcycle.

Your scooter. Whatever. Just let me do
this.

Listen. You know you can do it. Just go
to the guest house and stay with

Christine.

Fine. Just let me take a night to Sam.

Good night, my little puppy, Mommy.

Oh.

Oh.

Mommy loves you.

And Mommy will always be here for my
little pumpy kid.

Oh, yes, she will.

Because you.

are the sweetest, cutest, little, munchy
kids. Don't rush me.

Good night, Sammy.

Good night.

Hey.

Let's do this, pal.

Huh?

Let's do this.

Here, I got an idea.

Little Mozart, hold the bassoon, let you
calm down.

And we'll try this bottle thing again.

Okay.

Oh, I feel like we're bonding already.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

Please don't make this night so hard.

Take the bottle, little guy.

I'm so tired that I could cry.

If you will not go to bed, please shoot
Daddy in his head.

Sam, come on, drink from it. I'm running
out of songs.

Here's another one. Okay.

Boogie night, ain't no doubt.

We are here to mourn and boogie night.

Get that party started.

Drink from the bottle, big guy.

Because rubber nipples are something,
something rhymes with God.

Got to drink for Daddy.

Hey, what are you doing up here?

I spent an hour and a half getting
Christine all the way up to all right,

make it quick, and then your wife showed
up.

Sorry about that.

Oh, that's all right. If she was really
into it, she would have taken her finger

out of the book.

How's it going?

How does it look like it's going? It's
horrible.

I mean, you've been through this before.
Could you please give me some advice?

Like what?

Like, what would make you want a rubber
nipple?

Well, maybe right now it was part of a
larger rubber woman.

Ah, thanks.

Come on. Come on. I know you can do
this. You can handle it. I know you can.

You're a good father.

So listen, if it gets really bad and he
starts screaming his head off, just

remember, I'm right downstairs on the
couch, so shut the door.

Nah, nah, I'm living in my brother -in
-law's guest house.

Yeah, we probably won't stay here too
long.

We don't like taking advantage of
people, you know?

So how's Sweden?

Hey, uh, hey, look, I gotta go. So
listen, just, uh, I'll tell you, move my

knife to kink five, and, uh, we'll talk
tomorrow.

No, no, no. Don't be silly. I'll call
you.

What are you doing down here?

Oh, Kim's all worked up over there. I
wanted to come get something to quiet

down.

That should drown her out.

You know, you amaze me.

You got the kids to sleep.

You're helping out your sister. You take
care of everyone. You know, I know I

don't tell you this enough, but you're
an unbelievable woman, and...

I love you.

Jimmy, I'm not going to have sex with
you in their kitchen.

Hey, I see you drinking. I take a shot.

What's going on? This is nuts.

It's just crazy.

I tried everything.

Everything. I mean, I even offered him
$500 to take the bottle and he still

refuses. He's just not being rational.

For $250, I will drink from the bottle
and feed him like a mother bird.

Look, I've got to be up in two hours.
We'll try this again tomorrow.

Where are you going? Going to get chem.
We'll do this another night. I quit. You

can't just quit. This is a battle of
wills with you and your child. You give

now. You know what you're teaching him?
That if he cries, carries on long

enough, he'll get whatever he wants. And
then, my friend, you're no longer that

sweet little boy's father.

You're his bitch.

This is the first of many times you're
going to have to stick to your guns,

okay? Next year, when it's time to
toilet train him, you think he's going

want to do it? No.

But you're going to have to make them
like our parents did to us.

And thank God they did because, you
know, it's the most important

we've ever had.

I think I've had a few accomplishments
in my life that rank a little higher

using the potty, setting three state
swimming records, graduating college,

cum laude. I don't care if you found a
cure for cancer. You're still making it

in your pants. Nobody's having lunch
with you.

He wants his mommy, we'll give him his
mommy. What are you talking about? Dude,

it's not that hard to fool a one -year
-old. Dominic still thinks the racetrack

is the horseshoe.

It'll help a lot if you smell like Kim.
Kim doesn't wear perfume at night.

Why not?

Because she's not a hooker.

Fine. Au naturel. We can work with that.

What are you doing?

Looking for something that smells like
Kim.

Stop that.

Trust me.

Oh, yeah, this is good. She's coming in
strong on this one. Give me that.

Wrap it around you.

What?

Okay, look, I didn't want to have to
admit this, but, um...

When I wean Logan and Dominic, the only
way they take the bottle is... I dressed

up like Christine.

What? I put on Christine's clothes and
pretended to be her.

First of all, there goes the father -son
camping trip.

Second of all... No. Oh, fine. Okay,
we'll do it your way.

Oh, wait. You don't have a way.

That would never work.

I'm only going to do it because I'm
completely exhausted and I've obviously

my mind.

There's a damn neck hole.

Just focus on the positive. I think that
cover looks fabulous on you.

I'm going to get some ready for my
father -son moment.

Okay, buddy, let's do this. Yo, hold up.
You can't just walk in there with your

breast hanging in your hand like that.
You'll traumatize the kid.

You've got to put it where it belongs.

What?

Hold. Oh.

Oh.

Cut it out!

All right.

It may feel a little bit odd. I'll be
fine as long as it works.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

He's drinking.

He's drinking in my breath. My son's
drinking.

From my breath.

Okay, now I feel a little odd.

I told you, it's working.

Look, me, you, and Sammy, we did it.

Let's stand facing this way, okay?

Way to go, buddy. Drink up.

Hey, Sammy. I am so proud of you. How
many nights did you have to dress up as

Christine?

Greg? You really didn't dress up as
Christine, did you? Nope.

Don't come in here. What are you doing?
Nothing. Get out.

Get out.