All language subtitles for the_beaverton_s02e09

Tonight on the Beaverton.

After a single Golden Globe speech,
Americans have apparently forgotten

allowed to elect qualified politicians
as president.

Roy Moore's supporters insist his
accuser, who had her house burned down

arsonist, was just doing it for the
attention.

And the world junior champions are
relieved their drive home with the

dads won't be as tense as last year.

Welcome to the Deverton, a news show so
young that this is the first nuclear

crisis it's ever reported on.

I'm your host, Miguel Rivas. And I'm
Emma Hunter, concerned it'll be the last

one we ever report on.

Our top story, the salacious details in
the tell -all book Fire and Fury, have

Washington observers calling it the most
damning thing to Trump's credibility

since his actual presidency.

The revelations that the Donald likes to
eat cheeseburgers in bed and has

trouble remembering friends at parties
are unbecoming for a commander -in

-chief, nearly as much as Trump's
Twitter feed, war on the press, and the

he says and does publicly every single
day.

Said one Democrat, we thought Trump's
speeches, staff appointments, and

were proof enough that he is an unfit
president, but now that we know he

a lot of Diet Coke, impeachment should
be a cakewalk.

After Andrew Scheer kicked her out of
the conservative caucus for her

controversial views, Lynn Bayak has
retreated to the one place racist

are still welcome, the Canadian Senate.

Asked why Bayak wasn't being removed
from the Senate itself, one upper

member stated, I'm not even sure we can
kick someone out. How does this place

work? Is one of us in charge?

As for Bayak, she's taking the news well
and is looking forward to being free

from the shackles of the conservative
caucus so she can finally tell us how

really feels.

Immigration Canada has come under fire
for changing their family sponsorship

program from first -come, first -served
to a much fairer system, a giant

lottery. The lottery narrowly beat out
other liberal policy proposals, a round

of bingo, eeny, meeny, miny, moe, and
roll up the rim to stay.

Opposition critics suggest that family
reunification should be a merit -based

system, with hopeful relatives
performing a talent show, or competing

a big poker tournament.

According to the liberals, in the rare
case of simultaneous lottery winners,

they'll simply be asked to split the
citizenship between them.

Still, the liberals insist the lottery
is the best way to ensure fairness,

because just like the real lottery, if
you buy enough tickets, eventually

everyone wins.

The sharing economy, the trendiest and
most exciting way to subvert the labor

movement. With more on how FDR is
rolling over in his grave, here's our

Barclay.

For millennials, trying to enter the
workforce can feel like competing in the

Hunger Games if the prize was a job at
Cinnabon.

But why settle for an unsatisfying job
when you can settle for unsatisfying

jobs?

Thanks to apps like Uber, Foodora, and
TaskRabbit, it's easier than ever to

money on your time and on your terms.

And because the sharing economy
classifies you as an independent

labor laws need not apply.

The only limit to your side hustle
income is you and how much Red Bull you

consume before your heart folds in on
itself.

So I decided to spend a week living off
the gig economy.

Goodbye 9 to 5.

Hello 24 -7.

I signed up for Uber so I can make money
while I was driving.

Which, because I also rented out my
apartment on Airbnb, was all day, every

Dave? You work for Uber?

Among other things!

I also registered for TaskRabbit so I
could make a few bucks by building other

people's Ikea furniture.

Whoa! You need an Allen key!

And in between building assignments, I
worked on my Etsy shop knitting novelty

Minions. You're supposed to loop it
trying.

Oh. All of which left me with just
enough time to fulfill my duties as an

brand ambassador for various
haberdashery retailers.

Dave, there's a stop sign.

Watch the road!

So, how did I do? The results speak for
themselves. In an average 40 -hour work

week, a Canadian earning minimum wage
can only make $456.

But in just seven days of 24 -hour
shifts, I earned...

$465. Of course, that's if you don't
account for some minor deductions for

hitting that DoorDash biker, as well as
the pending lawsuit over my unauthorized

use of a certain film franchise. But as
long as I work 29 hours a day, 12 days a

week, I'll be able to keep my head above
water long enough to see Uber finally

reach that $70 billion valuation.

For the Beaverton, this is Dave Barkley
saying, how much you think I can get

from my blood?

Thanks, Dave. I hope you understand the
three -star rating.

In a Golden Globe ceremony dominated by
feminism, the red carpet pre -show moved

away from tone -deaf questions like, who
are you wearing, to the even more tone

-deaf, who are you outing.

Many have accused the entertainment news
industry of only reporting on social

justice so they can sensationalize the
abuse of famous people. But the crack

team of journalists at E! defended
themselves.

stating, did you really expect us to be
able to handle this watershed moment?

I mean, we did our best. We put Seacrest
on the case.

The show itself, however, saw many stars
bringing activists as their guests.

Michelle Williams brought the founder of
Me Too, Tarana Burke, while Casey

Affleck watched from a viewing party
with a lawyer who settled his harassment

case.

After passing a tax bill that will widen
the gap between rich and poor,

Republicans are working on a law to
protect the 1 % by making it harder to

purchase a guillotine.

Normally pro -Second Amendment, the GOP
wants guillotine reform because hard

-working job creators shouldn't have
their heads chopped off in the coming

revolution.

Therefore, Republicans will restrict all
guillotine sales.

Unless, of course, you're using it for
hunting.

So far the GOP is investigating several
options including making the Hamptons

Wall Street and Washington DC guillotine
free zone Closing the guillotine show

loophole and banning high -capacity
assault guillotine

As sexual misconduct allegations
continue to bring down powerful men,

are striving to ensure their employees
feel safe while maintaining their

collegial culture.

Here to discuss is John Nolito, VP of
Acquisitions from one of Canada's

banks. Thanks for having me. John, you
feel the MeToo movement has negatively

impacted your corporate culture? Hey,
listen, I think it's great. We're in a

watershed moment, you know, rah -rah,
girl power, etc.

I'm just worried it's going too far.

I don't want to lose what makes the Bank
of West... in Ontario so special. Our

morning hugs.

I would have thought lending rates were
more important to a bank than co

-workers embracing.

I manage a tight -knit company. We're a
family. And now I'm afraid I can't even

give Deb from accounts a peck on the
cheek.

So maintaining your office habits means
more to you than protecting the women in

it? Our HR department hasn't received a
complaint about sexual assault in over

35 years.

Probably because women are too afraid
they'll lose their job. From Wade in HR?

No way. He never fires anyone. It's all
bear hugs and butt spanks with old

waiting.

That's appalling. Oh, he is harmless.
Well, I mean, there was that one time

a female complained about that weird
button on his desk that locks his office

door from the inside, but he's just a
joker.

Hasn't Me Too taught us this exact
behavior is no longer tolerated, be it

or horrifying door -locking mechanisms?
Whoa, whoa. Emma, there is a big

difference between an unsolicited tummy
tickle and sexual abuse.

They're on a spectrum, but they
shouldn't be conflated. Maybe you just

stop. And what? Ask for consent?

Buddy, that'll kill the mood.

Have you been inside a bank? There is
just a sexy energy in the air.

No, stop touching women at work, period.
The power dynamic of a workspace clouds

every aspect of consent.

Oh, all these rules.

It's just such a confusing gray area.
No, it's not. Just stop. Are shoulder

massages considered... Stop talking. I'd
blow on her hair. Maybe a gentle caress

on the small of her back. Stop talking!
Are you flirting with me?

Okay, John, time's up.

When we come back, to prevent security
leaks in iPhones, experts recommend

hitting it with a hammer for 15 to 20
minutes.

Coming up later.

With new mortgage regulations taking
effect, experts warn you may need lots

money to buy a house.

Galen Weston claims he was only price
-fixing bread to feed his starving

And in her greatest ever acting role,
Elizabeth Moss made a room full of

believe that a Scientologist cares about
women's rights.

With Gretchen Carlson, the Miss America
organization finally has a female chair,

removing the last vestiges of sexism
from the pageant that gives a crown and

sash to America's prettiest lady.

The former CEO, Sam Haskell, resigned
after failing to realize that emails,

-shaming, and slut -shaming former
contestants can be shared using

But now, Miss America can move past this
misogyny and start empowering women by

judging them in categories like wearing
a bathing suit and answering a single

question.

YouTube celebrity Logan Paul's recent
video showing a suicide victim has

questions about whether creators or
video platforms should take

for disturbing content.

And also about who Logan Paul is and why
anyone should care.

Here to discuss his viral sensation, ya
boy Spooner.

Yo, what's up, y 'all?

You know it's your boy Spooner coming at
you, so smash that like button,

subscribe, and comment for more of that
spoon you crave.

This is a news broadcast, but yes, by
all means, do smash that. Absolutely.

And also here is Lisa Jamstone, owner of
several digital video platforms. Thank

you for joining us, Lisa. Thank you for
having me and for shedding light on how

teenage YouTube creators are so
irresponsible.

So, ya boy Spooner, who do you feel is
at fault in the Logan Paul situation?

Oh, the platforms, bro.

The platforms. All my man Logan wanted
to do was draw attention to the serious

issue of depression.

And how funny it is.

See, this is how creators like ya boi
Spooner and Logan Paul give online video

platforms a bad name.

If Spooner's videos are so bad, then
Spooner wants to know why YouTube lets

Spooner upload them.

It's not that simple. I mean, we can't
just vet the content we host and then

punish abusive users.

Kind of seems like it is that simple.

Yeah, Spooner agrees.

Spooner hush.

Isn't it true that you yourself have
recently come under fire for hosting

inappropriate content?

Yes. Sadly, some sicko uploaded a
dogfighting video to my website. I did

down when people complained, but it was
a dark day for dogfighttube .com.

Wait. Wait.

Dogfighttube .com?

Does your website exclusively host
dogfighting videos?

I mean...

Who can say, you know, Dogfight Tube is
just a platform, and our creators can

upload whatever they want. So, yeah,
sometimes a little dogfighting does slip

in, but that is the fault of the
creators.

Well, platforms only pay your boy
Spooner and your boy Spooner's boy Logan

if we get views. I mean, it's not
Spooner's fault that he got 10 million

for dropping a bowling ball on a turtle.

But the thing to remember is that the
creators choose to do the thing that we

pay them to do.

I mean, it's not like you would arrest
the person who paid a hitman, would you?

We didn't create a market for disturbing
content. My preteen fans who don't know

any better did.

Well, it sounds like you're both equally
awful, but thank you for being here.

University. It's where smart people go
to get annoying.

But with applications due next week,
students are wondering if there are

ways to get their parents to be proud of
them.

With more, here's Laura Silovitz.

For most people, it's easy to get a job
at your father's firm after finishing

three -fifths of your bachelor's degree.

But some graduates say Canadian
universities aren't preparing students

hostile job market.

Now universities are trying to groom
students for an uncertain future by

encouraging them not to go to
university.

I'm here at the Ontario Anti
-Universities Fair, a new initiative to

higher learning.

Prospective students will learn about
the staggering rates of student debt.

inadequate mental health support, and
outbreaks of super strains of STDs like

gonorrhea plus and extra big crap.

Students are given a chart outlining the
skills employers want, such as being

willing to work for zero money and
literally nothing else.

While it may seem unprofitable for
universities who rely on tuition to

discourage Canadian students from
enrolling, it's a deft economic move.

strategy frees up more spots for
international students who pay up to

more for the same underwhelming
experience.

For the Beaverton, I'm Laura Sullivan.

Thanks, Laura. After the break, you'll
never believe how the news media is

sensationalizing their headlines to keep
you watching.

Dangerous stuff. Really scary.

Francis kicked off the new year last
week by urging the faithful to reject

consumerism in a mass from the Vatican,
an opulent treasure palace decorated

with priceless works of art.

Critics suggest the anti -materialistic
message may ring hollow, given the Holy

See's rumored billions in assets.

But as one church official was quick to
point out, we've also got truly mind

-boggling amounts of gold.

The message is just the latest from the
progressive pontiff, who insiders say

lives a humble life, largely shunning
papal finery. Though thanks to the

Vatican's $300 million operating budget,
he's also never short on popin' around

cash. After facing scrutiny for being
out of touch, Toronto Mayor John Tory

unveiled an updated approach to
providing information to the homeless

shelter beds.

A $35 a month smartphone app.

Available exclusively for the iPhone X,
it sends push notifications on emergency

warming centers to Toronto's most
vulnerable population, who also have the

latest smartphone and a healthy app
budget.

Tory is doing all he can to circulate
updates about shelter beds by spreading

the word at local cigar lounges and
yacht clubs.

But while critics continue to bash the
mayor for his insensitive attitude in

crisis, Tory defended his actions,
saying, If we don't let all those

who complain about my inaction know that
I now care about the homeless, how can

I expect to keep their vote?

The CRA has decided to hold off on
investigating Canadian white -collar

criminals so they can focus all their
energy on a far more important task,

auditing Steve from Manitoba again.

This would be Steve's third audit in the
last four years, despite the fact that

he's hidden no money offshore, unless
you count the time he suspiciously lost

his wallet on his honeymoon.

The CRA defended its choice of target in
a statement. Sure, on the one hand, the

Paradise Papers prove that millions in
government revenue is stolen every year.

But on the other hand, there's got to be
something on this Steve guy if we dig

deep enough.

Marching and yelling. Sure, it's fun on
your own. But when you do it in a group,

you can have fun and affect social
change.

For more, here is Donovan Stinson.

A wave of protests is rocking downtown
Toronto as the nation's smallest

group takes to the streets.

They make up less than 0 .1 % of the
population.

They're not allowed to marry or even
vote.

I'm speaking, of course, about
corporations.

Monica Kring represents the National
Business Lobby of Canada, a group she

describes as the NAACP of Fortune 500
companies.

So Trump and Sanders both ran on an anti
-corporate platform, yet I can't help

but think that this protest is just kind
of piggybacking on those tactics.

Well, just because we're economic elites
doesn't mean we can't tap into the

populist feeling.

Right, yeah, but there just doesn't seem
to be a whole lot of support here.

We've done a lot of conglomerating in
the past couple decades.

Pretty much all of us. The Million
Multinational March aims to get

a seat at the table for the NAFTA
renegotiations. They already have one,

like, more of a seat.

It's scary, you know, because there is
so much hatred towards us coming from

both the right and the left. It's not
like you didn't do anything to deserve

this, though. I mean, S &P Lavalin's
bribery, Barrett Gold's third world.

Sexual assaults, I mean, husky energy
oil spills, I mean, the list goes on. I

get it.

We brought it on ourselves?

Yeah? Blame the victim?

You see, now I just feel that you're
cravingly co -opting turns of phrase

minority groups use meaningfully.

I'm sorry, I find your language very
triggering.

It's like that word, like triggering.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

I cannot go back to prison.

Well, they can't arrest us.

What? Well, there'll be no one left to
profit from the prison industry, so...

Now,

while the protests didn't end up getting
the national business lobby of Canada a

seat at the table, millions of dollars
spent over decades of lobbying did.

It just goes to show that if you fight
for what you believe in, you can win the

status quo.

As long as you're a lobby group with a
collective GDP four times the size of

Canada's. For the Beaverton, I'm Donovan
Stinson.

made its tale on Hulu and Alias Grace on
Netflix, Hollywood is suddenly

optioning the collected works of its
hottest star, 78 -year -old Margaret

Atwood. But with most Atwood properties
already taken, Canadian broadcasters are

getting in on the act any way they can.

Global is making a miniseries out of
Atwood's request for a variance to the

zoning board, while Rogers scooped up
last week's grocery list they found

digging through her trash.

And while Bell Media's latest offer on
Cat's Eye was rejected, the pros in her

email response was so compelling, CPV
announced they are ordering the

letter straight to Siri.

Over the last year, each province raised
the minimum wage from well below a

living wage to just below a living wage.

To maintain profits, some Tim Hortons
franchises are cutting paid breaks,

canceling benefits, and forcing
employees to eat their paninis.

Which brings us to tonight's point,
counterpoint. Now that greedy minimum

workers are making more money, how else
can businesses exploit them? Miguel,

what do you think?

I think no. Why would employers do that?

Well, you can't ask businesses to pay
people for labor and get nothing in

return. Aren't they getting labor?

Sure, but if workers want to pay their
phone bills so bad, they can't expect

the handouts they got before.

Handout? Yeah, days off when a family
member dies, access to bathrooms,

handouts. Okay, maybe I'm in the
minority here, but I think our lowest

can have a livable wage and a little
toilet time. Well, now that these

wage fat cats are rolling in that brand
-name cheese money, maybe they can buy

their own bathroom breaks. How would
that possibly work?

Employee bathrooms would be coin
-operated. A buck a poop. Why are you

advocating for employers to erode their
staff dignity?

Okay, let me be clear. People that
create job... are amazing sure people

work jobs are a drain on society
businesses are already increasing their

won't that more than make up the
difference okay simple

Simple, tiny Miguel.

If a minimum wage person worked a full
year, full time, that's enough to make

$28 ,000. And that's enough to get an
Audi at a police auction.

You think raising the cost of a donut
can cover a crime -stained Audi?

That is a difficult question to answer.
It can't.

It can't, Miguel. Not unless a lot more
people start buying donuts. And that is

not going to happen unless we magically
increase the purchasing power of an

entire class of people. Which is why, to
save businesses, I think we should

raise the minimum wage to $15 an hour
across the country.

You know what? You win again.

I knew you'd change your mind.

You always do.

Well, that's been our show. Join us next
week when we fire the rest of our

correspondents for trying to unionize.

When you're up here alone, I think
you're like, can I take this seriously?

This man, this man, that's your opinion,
which is how it should be.