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Tonight on the Beaverton, Charles Manson
has died, tragically cutting short his
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00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,780
bid for Alabama's Senate seat.
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00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:19,840
With Edmonton falling short of the Grey
Cup, CFL fans are ready to willfully
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00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,660
ignore their team name for another year.
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00:00:22,260 --> 00:00:27,020
And after the assault allegations
against Jeffrey Tambor, millions of
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00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:30,080
are finding the courage to admit they
never watched Transparent.
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Welcome to the Beaverton, Canada's least
cited news show.
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I'm your host, Miguel Rivas. And an
unnamed source tells me I'm Emma Hunter.
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Our top story, energy giant TransCanada
says that a massive leak in the Keystone
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00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:52,280
pipeline has flooded South Dakota with
thousands of gallons of new jobs.
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The company released a statement taking
full responsibility for contaminating
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the state with crude employment
opportunities such as public apologies,
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promising people this won't happen
again.
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00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,960
And scrubbing oil stains off the state's
endangered presidents of Mount
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Rushmore.
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The company also noted that the task of
cleaning up nearly 800 ,000 liters of
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oil will be a boon to its largest
traditional employee group, undocumented
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workers.
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After critics accused Canada of breaking
its UN peacekeeping promises, the
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liberals are firing back, saying they
can't break a vague promise that no one
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totally understood in the first place.
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The Liberals recently reaffirmed their
serious commitment to send some soldiers
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to do something in a place at some
future time.
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Trudeau hopes his pledge of more troops
than Uganda but fewer than Fiji will
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earn Canada a UN Security Council seat
and a say on which international crisis
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to ignore next.
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The CIA is calling last week's coup
against Zimbabwean dictator Robert
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good blueprint for getting rid of a man
too old and crazy to have control over a
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country.
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One agency official noted, we've created
a black ops exchange program to give us
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a bit of a refresher on regime change.
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It's vital to both American and
establishment Republican interests.
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But one hiccup remains for the CIA.
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While Zimbabwe had a cunning, devious
vice president waiting to take over,
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sadly, America isn't quite as lucky.
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A proposed change to the Indian Act
would end sex -based discrimination.
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This would bring the number of serious
issues with the Indian Act down to an
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even five million.
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For more, here's our own Marilla Weck.
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In a political masterstroke, the Trudeau
cabinet has managed to finally
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eliminate the unfair rules and
regulations that govern life on
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reserves by imposing those same unfair
rules and regulations on the homes of
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-indigenous Canadians.
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We've been racking our brains for the
past year about how to address the
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prejudice and the bureaucratic inertia
plaguing our indigenous communities.
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And then last week we had a eureka
moment.
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We should. Improve conditions on
reserves.
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No. No. Well, I mean, maybe someday.
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But solutions are hard. It's actually a
lot easier to create problems for
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everyone else. You ever been audited?
Once. It was awful.
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Uh -huh. Okay. Well, how would you like
to be audited? Five or six times a year
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for no reason at all? Obviously, I
wouldn't.
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Perfect. But we want the rest of Canada
to really understand what it's like to
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live on a reserve. So naturally, we're
going to require government approval for
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any household purchases over $5. And
we're going to be prohibiting the sale
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purchase of real estate. That seems
extreme.
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Yeah. But it's not like these people
even understand the concept of private
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ownership, right? So who cares?
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To demonstrate Mr.
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Paulson's unique idea, the government
put together this video.
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I can't drink this crap.
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We should do something about the water.
I think we should renovate the kitchen
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plumbing. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast,
you guys.
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How do you intend to pay for that?
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How did you get into our house?
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Your house?
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Technically, the Johnson residence is
crown land, which means the home
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mortgage you want is going to need to be
co -signed by an official in Ottawa.
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How long will that take?
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Depends, if it ends up on the wrong
bureaucrat's desk, in which case...
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Also, since your daughter is not on our
list of registered Johnsons,
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unfortunately she can't live here
anymore.
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But she has her own room here.
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Oh, don't worry about that. The
government needs that room for the oil
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we've approved to run right through your
house. Come on, kiddo.
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Naturally, the new policy is expected to
meet with protests.
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But the government says this will just
give Canadians an opportunity to
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experience yet another indigenous
ordeal.
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getting blasted with water cannons.
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For the Beaverton, I'm Marilla Wax.
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Thanks, Marilla.
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Canada's GDP saw record growth this
quarter thanks to Justin Trudeau's side
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hustle as a social media influencer.
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Trudeau's Instagram revenues have
surpassed mining and forestry after
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lucrative shout -outs to Adidas,
Supreme, and the oil industry.
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The opposition was quick to dismiss
Trudeau's contributions, saying, Prime
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Ministers have no real bearing on the
economy unless they've been out of
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for three years.
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Besides, he never does what he tweets,
and his makeup tutorials are garbage.
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But Trudeau was vindicated when he
received six million subscribers to his
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YouTube prank channel, Gettin' Primed.
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For months, Canadian journalists have
been claiming that Justin Trudeau is the
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Trump whisperer. And not just because
we're all hoping Trump will break his
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and Justin will shoot him.
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Trudeau seems to be the only world
leader capable of reigning the president
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Also, Trump loves it when Justin feeds
him apples.
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Trudeau's impact was felt this morning
as Trump showed up to a meeting wearing
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fun socks, tried to plank, and then to
everyone's horror, took off his shirt.
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Coming up, Charlie Rose prepares for his
most in -depth one -on -one yet with
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the cop investigating him for sexual
assault.
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We are
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dealing
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with one sick puppy.
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Clearly, our killer is suffering from a
psychological condition.
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Why did he turn to violence?
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Because he has a mental illness in his
brain.
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Which one does he have?
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Schizophrenia? Split personality?
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Worse. Generalized anxiety disorder.
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So sometimes I worry about things a lot
and have difficulty concentrating.
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Well, help us if he's got depression,
too.
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Coming up later on the Beaverton.
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Paul Martin's Paradise Papers scandal
reminds the nation that Paul Martin is
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still alive.
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Ukraine asks Canada to help modernize
their 40 -year -old military into a 30
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-year -old military.
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And we'll meet the tech firm disrupting
government with an armed drone coup.
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With studies showing that 3 % of gun
owners own 50 % of guns in America,
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Republicans are now doing something
about this alarming stat, passing
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legislation to encourage trickle -down
ammunition.
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According to NRA spokes nightmare Dana
Loesch, we shouldn't punish the super
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armed for having millions of rounds.
After all, these people are wound
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Republican lawmakers believe that now is
the time for action. It's all part of
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their new supply sidearm economic model,
popularized by the guy who shot Ronald
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Reagan.
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Good news for wireless consumers, with
Rogers announcing new plans that offer
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unlimited data overage fees.
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For just $90 a month, you'll be able to
spend thousands of dollars a month on
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data you already thought you paid for.
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The company stated in a press release,
This is all part of our commitment to
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serve our customers best.
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If Canadian families didn't love
spending money on using data, then
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have phones based in Europe, or America,
or literally anywhere else on Earth.
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With a new ban on protests outside of
Ontario abortion clinics, anti -choice
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activists are now unsure what to do with
their free time and all their graphic
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fetus posters.
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Some have taken up bothering women on
their way to other elective procedures,
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prompting Queen's Park to create safe
zones around laser eye surgery clinics.
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According to one pro -life group, we're
not picky. We'll protest any expression
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of female bodily autonomy.
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The protesters consider donating their
stockpile of mutilated dolls to a
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center, but then realize they don't care
about children after they're born.
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A NATO warning identified Canada as a
potential Russian hacking target,
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especially after we passed the Magnitsky
Act.
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Named for a whistleblower who was found
dead in a Russian prison, it gives our
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country the ability to levy sanctions
against corrupt foreign officials.
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Sources say it made Vladimir Putin so
angry that he put on a shirt and went
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inside of a building.
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Here to discuss the evolving
relationship between Russia and Canada
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Levrov, who has an ominously vague job
description at the Russian embassy.
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Alexei, you've described this bill as
Russophobic. How so?
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We are being unfairly discriminated
against just because we are undermining
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American democracy.
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It is just another example of the
noxious spread of free and open
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But Canadians don't want Russia
interfering with our elections.
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According to a poll from legitimate
polling services, all Canadians love
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interference. Oh, I stand corrected.
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00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:08,200
I don't think the Canadian government
would tolerate that kind of thing.
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00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:12,260
You mean the government that is
successfully hacked once a week by some
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mysterious foreign state?
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Packing is one thing, but destabilizing
Canada is not that easy. Oh, no, no,
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you're right. It's not as if wealthy
oligarchs have already bought up all the
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real estate in your major cities, making
your market vulnerable to collapse.
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But what could Russia possibly want with
Canada? We're just a sparsely
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populated, oil -rich country with an
easily conquerable army.
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Okay.
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Well, you don't represent all of Russia.
Many support the Magnitsky Act.
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Joining us via satellite from an
undisclosed location is Anton Ivanovich,
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anti -Putin activist.
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Anton?
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Are you there?
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00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:55,610
Anton? Oh, no. I certainly hope nothing
has happened to this dissident.
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Let's wrap this up before we end up on
the kill list. Thank you, Alexei.
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00:11:03,650 --> 00:11:07,630
After the break, there's a new fad diet,
and it's a scam.
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00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:25,320
Coming up later on The Beaverton.
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Scientists discover a new species of
plastic in the Pacific Ocean.
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00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:34,260
The Fraser Institute releases a damning
report showing all the times it was cold
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00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:35,260
last year.
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00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:39,320
And Bombardier and Boeing settle things
with a good old -fashioned plane fight.
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00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,340
Uber's recent search for a female CEO
came down to three men.
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It was met with an outcry from advocates
who insist women can be awful white men
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too. Many insist women are capable of
CEO levels of narcissism and
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behavior. Case in point, beauty pageant
moms.
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But Uber insists women have problems
managing their work -life balance. They
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believe female execs should focus on
raising their future little CEOs and
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00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:07,840
their daughters.
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00:12:08,910 --> 00:12:12,490
With more on Silicon Valley's diversity
problem, here is the dictionary
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definition of a white man, Dave Barclay.
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00:12:15,350 --> 00:12:19,290
With thousands of tech companies
flocking to the Toronto -Waterloo
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Silicon Valley North is booming.
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And with a post -secondary push for more
women in STEM fields, it's becoming one
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of the more inclusive sectors of the
Canadian economy.
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But one engineer is speaking out.
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In an infamous memo, Kevin Paulus argued
against giants like Google hiring a
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group of people who he believes aren't
biologically equipped to succeed in the
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tech industry.
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Canadians.
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00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:43,840
Hi, thank you so much.
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Yeah, two creams, one sugar.
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Oh, no, I'm interviewing you.
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00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:53,920
There you go.
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00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,980
And it might be PC to hire Canadians,
but it's misguided.
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00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,540
All right? Blackberry was a Canadian
company, and it was a dismal failure.
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00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:11,040
Why do you think that is? Because its
products fail to resonate with
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00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,640
Because there are fundamental
differences that make you less suited
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00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:15,740
work. Exactly.
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00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:24,680
Okay. Some of the reasons that you cite
are that Canadians are passive, prone to
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00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,880
gossip, and constantly complaining about
the cold.
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Wouldn't you say that's less science and
more wild generalization?
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00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:31,999
There it is.
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00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,940
Outrage culture rears its head again.
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00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:38,100
You can't call a Canadian an incompetent
sapsucker without somebody saying it's
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a stereotype.
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00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,940
I mean, I feel like that's the very
definition of a stereotype.
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00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:48,100
Okay, I'm really trying to have a good
conversation with you right now, but I
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00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:50,240
can't do that if you keep getting
emotional.
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00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,660
But I don't feel emotional.
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00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,940
Calm down. I feel pretty relaxed right
now.
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Calm down.
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00:13:57,780 --> 00:13:58,920
Like almost blasé?
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You need to calm down.
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Still?
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Just calm down.
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This is the least excited I can get.
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00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:12,460
After we took a break so I could collect
myself, I asked Kevin how he thought we
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00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:13,460
should proceed.
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00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,860
Diverse hiring is all well and good,
okay?
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00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:20,680
But it's discriminating against skilled
Americans when we hire a Canadian who's
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just going to take a leave of absence
anyway, all right, to go watch the...
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Winter Olympics or something. That's the
problem.
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We usually just watch it on TV.
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Whatever. On tape delay. You know, if
we're going to have a Silicon Valley
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north, we should have a Silicon Valley
south.
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There is a Silicon Valley south in
Silicon Valley.
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In Northern California.
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Okay, I'm really trying to foster good
dialogue here, but I can't do that if
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don't lower your voice.
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I feel like I'm being pretty quiet.
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Okay, this interview's over.
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Yeah, I'm done.
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Sadly, Canadian tech workers only earn
80 cents for every dollar an American
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makes. But if we lean in together to
bridge the exchange gap, we might
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shatter that highest glass touchscreen
of all.
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For the Beaverton, I'm Dave Barclay.
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Thanks, Dave.
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With awards season just around the
corner, Senator Al Franken became the
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frontrunner in 2017's most hotly
contested race, Best Original Sexual
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Apology.
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00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:30,220
Franken is believed to have a commanding
lead over fellow contenders Harvey
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00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:34,960
Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, and Louis C
.K., whose statement was panned by
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00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,200
as somehow more self -indulgent than his
comedy.
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00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:42,440
Of course, after failing to issue an
apology for the 25th straight year, the
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00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,320
Academy continues to snub Woody Allen.
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00:15:46,220 --> 00:15:50,500
Lena Dunham is in hot water after
releasing a statement defending Lena
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00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:56,040
Dunham fans were shocked she would
defend the defender of Murray Miller, an
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00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,520
alleged producer on and assaulter of
girls.
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00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:06,100
In the statement, Dunham said, I naively
believed it was important to share my
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opinion, an apology we've all been
waiting for since season one of her
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00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:15,200
In the wake of recent sexual harassment
revelations, the entertainment industry
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is left with more questions than
answers.
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00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:20,580
Although fortunately, none of the
questions are, will you watch me
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Get a comment on Hollywood's toxic
professional environment as workers'
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00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:26,580
representative Tracy Johnson.
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00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:30,740
Tracy, thank you so much for joining us.
What factors have led to this industry
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-wide epidemic?
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00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:35,180
Well, job insecurity for a start, little
recourse for reporting inappropriate
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behavior, plus long unsupervised shifts
in the kitchen.
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00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,060
Sorry. This piece is about Hollywood
harassment.
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Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Of course it is.
And I have that just right here.
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Everything all right over there, Tracy?
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Yes, of course.
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Hollywood is just one industry among
many plagued by this sort of thing.
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And these are mostly domestic work, very
exploited professions.
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00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:02,800
Of course. Okay, and over here are all
agricultural worker abuses. It's very
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00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,040
grim stuff indeed.
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00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:07,460
But do you have anything on Weinstein
over there? Oh, okay.
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60 % of hotel housekeepers will be
harassed at work.
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00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,460
Will Hollywood ever recover?
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00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:20,160
We've been fielding complaints about
this stuff across every industry for
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00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:23,780
and we just want to harness this brief
window of interest in basic human
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00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:27,140
Fair enough, absolutely. This is my 30th
interview today.
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Do you want a break?
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I actually can't take one. I'm very
junior here. And what was it my boss
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00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,880
Someone with a mouth as hot as yours
shouldn't ask so many questions about
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00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:38,880
work maximum.
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00:17:41,740 --> 00:17:45,700
Okay. But are there any further
developments in Hollywood harassment
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accusations?
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00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:50,050
Why do we only care about abuse when
it's committed by famous people?
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00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:53,750
Not everyone who exposes themselves to
an employee is a glamorous Hollywood
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producer. Some are bureaucrats, or shift
supervisors, or Canadian producers.
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Fair enough.
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But are there any solutions?
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Big picture answers are going to take
more time, but for now there is one
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every industry can do.
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Institute a strict no -aflex policy.
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That sounds like a plan we can all get
behind. Oh, don't let them get behind
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00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:15,550
you. Thanks, Tracy.
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After the break, Honda recalls 900 ,000
minivans on the heels of pressure from
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00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:25,440
the nation's cool dads.
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Am I a cool dad? Absolutely.
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00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:46,350
Citing a lack of qualified French
teachers, Canadian schools are replacing
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00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:49,970
French immersion programs with classes
aimed at exposing students to Quebec's
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00:18:49,970 --> 00:18:51,830
other official language, xenophobia.
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00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:57,970
The new curriculum will teach students
how to conjugate racial slurs and offers
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00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:01,710
an extensive reading list comprised of
Quebec literary classics like Bill 101,
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00:19:02,170 --> 00:19:06,970
The Charter of Values, and Jacques
Perrault's 1995 children's fable, Money
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00:19:06,970 --> 00:19:07,970
the Ethnic Vote.
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00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,800
The program is expected to thrive, given
that while English Canada doesn't have
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00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,180
many French teachers, it has plenty of
racist ones.
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00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:21,060
As a result of its continued popularity,
the niqab ban could have implications
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00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:24,720
for how parties campaign in Quebec
during the 2019 federal election.
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00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,880
This brings us to tonight's Point
Counterpoint. Can Jagmeet Singh be
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00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,120
enough to win French Canada? Miguel,
what do you think?
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I will start. He doesn't need to be
racist at all. Quebec loves the NDP.
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00:19:35,860 --> 00:19:40,480
Strong unions, child care, a higher
minimum wage. These are all NDP issues
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00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,760
Quebec cares about. This isn't an
election for school president, Miguel,
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00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:46,260
everyone votes for the nerd that they
feel most sorry for.
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00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:48,360
I was school president. Yeah.
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00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:53,240
An attack ban has 80 % support in
Quebec, and the other 20 % think it
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00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,400
far enough. Jagmeet is going to have to
get prejudice if he wants to be the
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00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,600
first Muslim prime minister.
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00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,900
Jagmeet isn't a Muslim. He's...
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00:20:00,170 --> 00:20:02,690
Yeah, but how many Quebecers know the
difference?
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00:20:03,170 --> 00:20:05,090
They already think he's a terrorist.
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00:20:05,410 --> 00:20:09,410
It's like Canada's Texas over there. I
thought Alberta was Canada's Texas.
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00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:10,750
Canada has a lot of Texases.
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00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:15,210
How can Jagmeet pander to those voters
if he's also a person of color?
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00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,660
by attacking any of the literally
thousands of other minorities Quebec
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00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:24,560
There's a rainbow of scapegoats to
choose from. But his entire platform is
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00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,800
love and courage. Won't Quebec see right
through that? Jagmeet doesn't need to
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00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,540
be fluently hateful, okay? It's like how
Quebecers don't care how well you speak
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00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:32,860
French as long as you try.
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00:20:33,540 --> 00:20:35,120
That is not my experience.
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00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,020
Well, I mean... But...
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00:20:37,420 --> 00:20:41,160
Hold on, can't Jagmeet ignore the
province where 80 % of the population
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00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,560
the niqab ban and just focus on the rest
of the country?
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00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:46,780
Our poll shows 68 % of respondents
support the ban.
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00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,860
Oh, right. Yeah. We really do have a lot
of Texases.
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00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,840
And that brings us to next week's Point
Counterpoint. Can Jagmeet Singh be
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00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,780
racist enough to win English campus?
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00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:01,420
Well, that's our show. Thanks for
watching, and that's the last chance
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00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,060
get to see this episode before it goes
into our Disney vault.
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00:21:06,510 --> 00:21:07,890
You know what I'm saying? I'm hoping.
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00:21:08,210 --> 00:21:11,490
I guess I don't see you being truthful
enough.
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00:21:13,530 --> 00:21:15,370
It's weird to accept the NDP leader.
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00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:18,830
Give up right away.
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00:21:20,450 --> 00:21:26,290
Can you vote NDP?
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00:21:26,970 --> 00:21:28,570
No, no, no. I will vote.
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