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Tonight on the Beaverton, Donald Trump
escalates tensions with North Korea now
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that Kim's missiles are capable of
reaching Robert Mueller's office.
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I Love You Daddy is pulled from theaters
to prevent any more of Louis C .K.'s
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00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:22,800
public masturbation.
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And industry leaders warn that sexual
misconduct allegations against Canadian
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00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:31,140
celebrities will happen as soon as
Canada has celebrities.
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Welcome to the Beaverton, the show your
parents put on full volume so you don't
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00:00:40,980 --> 00:00:41,980
hear them having sex.
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I'm the boy who learned to knock Miguel
Rivas. And I'm Emma Hunter barging right
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00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,240
in.
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Our top story, after Saudi Arabia
kidnapped the Prime Minister of Lebanon
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00:00:51,540 --> 00:00:55,800
forced him to resign, Justin Trudeau
says there's nothing we can do besides
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00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:57,420
Saudi Arabia even more arms.
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The Liberal government says that Saudi
Arabia has been a key ally and valued
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customer for years.
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And while Canada may not agree with
kidnapping heads of state, we have no
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00:01:07,390 --> 00:01:08,430
but to profit from it.
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However, Trudeau says that he's willing
to look the other way on a simple coup.
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If Saudi Arabia starts a war, they will
face severe sanctions, including coexist
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bumper stickers attached to all new
labs, no more free shipping, and a
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worded coupon.
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The comedy community was rocked this
week by news of Louis C .K.'s sexual
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misconduct. The revelations have left
men in the industry grappling with the
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shocking realization they'll have to
behave themselves for like two or three
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weeks.
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In a statement, C .K. advised that he
would now step back and take some time
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listen and then write a gritty stand -up
special that cashes in on the
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controversy.
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C .K. joins a slew of disgraced
celebrities who have no problem
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public eye after just a few years,
including Sean Penn and Mel Gibson.
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In related news, all three are set to
star in Daddy's Home 3 out Christmas
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In the wake of his underage sex assault
allegations, Senate candidate Roy Moore
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is using canvassing as an opportunity to
go door to door telling neighbors he's
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a sex offender.
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Moore says he's excited to talk to
people face to face about immigration
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economy, and also about that thing he
may soon have to disclose to everyone
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living in a three mile radius.
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But the main issue Moore wants to
discuss is family values, like how
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it is these days for a 70 -year -old man
to find a date to junior prom.
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Moore's base is thrilled at the chance
to meet their next senator and are
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keeping their eyes peeled for his
distinctive unmarked white campaign van.
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Mark Zuckerberg says he was disturbed by
Facebook's role in the 2016 election,
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promising to never again help put an
unqualified billionaire in office until
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runs in 2020.
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Zuckerberg vowed to crack down on fake
news posts and only allow 100 % factual
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Zuckerberg -approved stories about the
campaign.
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Not to be outdone, Google CEO Sundar
Pichai has also announced his candidacy,
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promising not to manipulate search
results to his advantage, unless it
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like the other guy is winning.
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2020 is seen as a two -horse race
between Google and Facebook, especially
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that the Bing campaign has dropped out
after unsuccessfully asking dozens of
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times if it could be America's default
candidate.
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Of course, thanks to Zuckerberg,
Facebook is a great place to have
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arguments with our acquaintances'
relatives.
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But now there's an easier way to get
your point across.
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For more, here's the Beaverton's Dave
Barclay.
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Imagine, finding out about a major world
event, and you haven't posted about it
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on social media.
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Luckily, Facebook's here to help you
look as woke as you want to be with
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autofill activism.
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When a topic starts trending, Facebook
responds for you, letting you weigh in
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everything in a way that says, this is
an issue, and I'm aware of it.
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Facebook stays on brand with your
beliefs by using the personal
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been quietly collecting for years. So
you can rest assured that if there's a
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shooting, Facebook will know which side
of the debate you're on.
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And best of all, you don't even need to
sign in. Just sit back, relax, and let
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Facebook stay on top of issues for you
by changing your avatar to reflect your
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support for causes, using vague but
uplifting hashtags to indicate where you
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stand, and letting people know how
you're affected by the death of a
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Even if there isn't a bandwagon to jump
on, Facebook will remind people how
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informed you are by reposting think
pieces with the comment this.
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Thanks to autofill activism, Facebook's
finally able to become what it was
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always intended to be, a user -free
utopia of endless content by and equally
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no one.
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For the Beaverton, I'm Dave Barclay.
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Thanks, Dave.
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As Justin Trudeau's recent visit to the
APEC summit has shown, Canada has no
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shortage of suitors eager to replace the
U .S. as our primary trading partner
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should Donald Trump decide to add NAFTA
to his long list of costly divorces.
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Joining us now with an update fresh from
her seat at the negotiating table is
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our own Laura Silowitz.
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Who, if I'm not mistaken, is wearing the
same clothes I saw you in three days
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ago? You are not mistaken.
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Canada is out there and loving every
second of our newfound freedom. This is
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best thing that's ever happened to us.
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Is it, though? I know that we in the U
.S. are going through a rough patch
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now, but they've been a pretty steady
and reliable partner.
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More like reliably unappreciative.
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It's like, don't shit -talk our lumber
to your friends at the U .N. and then
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call us up late at night begging for
some of that cheap good wood.
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Have you tried talking to them?
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Why bother?
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They don't listen to our needs. They're
only interested in one thing, laying
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some pipeline.
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Granted, America is not without its
flaws, but who else out there can
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Canada's needs as a serial trade
monogamist?
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The United Kingdom, for one.
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We've got a ton of history together.
Plus, they're going through a messy
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of their own and looking to settle down
with a new trading partner.
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Red flag. You never use an ex to get
over another ex. Plus, they're poor, and
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we're practically related.
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Okay, um, well, what about Germany?
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Ugh, the missionary position of trade?
No thanks.
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There's always South Korea.
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Is there always going to be South Korea?
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Good point. I mean... Good point.
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Who are we even kidding? Miguel's right.
We don't want to break up with America.
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They're the ones that want to leave. And
who can blame them? We're 150 years
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old.
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And frigid.
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No wonder it's been years since I
touched our oil sands.
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Look, look.
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America is just going through a midlife
crisis. We just have to ride this out
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until it passes.
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But what if it doesn't?
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Well, hey, hey. Then we'll just call up
Mexico and convince them to have a trade
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three -way with us in China. That'll
make America crazy jealous.
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I mean, I guess Canada could finally
accept all those invites we keep getting
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that TPP key party.
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Exactly! But hey, look out for Japan. I
hear they're into some weird exports.
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Laura Silovitz, everyone.
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When we come back, should U of T keep
providing legitimacy to alt -right
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ideologue Jordan Peterson? Or does that
question contain its own answer?
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You've seen the prairies, hiked the
Rocky Mountains, and touched a
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Now there's another reason to visit
Canada, fresh water.
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While our low population density makes
us an unlikely target for things,
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Canada's real jewel is its seemingly
endless supply of the fresh, potable
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humanity needs to survive what comes
next.
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Whatever that is.
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Kayak in it. Dive in it. Look across it
for raiding parties.
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all while remaining safe and properly
hydrated.
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Look, we're not saying an international
crisis is going to happen.
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But if it did, wouldn't you want to be
in Canada already, instead of fighting
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your way through gas gangs and
radioactive cannibal cults to get here?
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So take your next vacation in Canada,
because, hey, anything can happen.
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TD Bank is moving forward with a
controversial plan to charge monthly
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fees to people who don't bank with them.
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The Financial Institute has been
criticized for pushing unnecessary
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onto their customers.
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Now they're targeting a new demographic,
everyone else.
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In a press release, TD said, For too
long, too many people have enjoyed the
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convenience of paying no dollars to not
bank with us.
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Meanwhile, BMO is also offering their
own new product, a no -fee checking
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account for any customers hiding over a
million dollars offshore.
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00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:09,370
After an announced charter challenge,
the Quebec government is scrambling to
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uphold its controversial niqab ban by
amending the law to prevent anyone who
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wears the niqab from suing them over the
niqab ban.
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Just as previous amendments clarify that
Muslim women who wear the veil can
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visit a public library but just not take
out a book, the new one will clarify
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that they can enter court, they just
can't use it to defend their rights.
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Added one spokesperson, it's also about
identification. If they don't remove
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their covering, how will we know which
of the thousands of women we've
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is in the room?
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A leak from the White House has revealed
Donald Trump is miserable after
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realizing that his entire presidency is
just his family's way of putting him
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into assisted living.
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Speaking on condition of anonymity, the
source added, Dad is a 70 -year -old man
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prone to outbursts.
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Why do you think he keeps proposing the
same failed legislation?
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He literally doesn't remember that he's
already tried multiple times.
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Staff at the White Home for Seniors keep
Donald busy with activities like social
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hour, imagination time, and creative
writing.
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Of course, social conservatives are
trying to create a big tent movement by
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reaching beyond its current base of
Baptists and gun -owning Baptists.
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We now go to Donovan Stinson with a
story on how that tent might be getting
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bigger.
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If the Canadian right wants to remain
relevant, it has to broaden its base.
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One of their unlikely targets of
opportunity has become the LGBTQ
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After learning I'd recently become a gay
icon, I decided to see how the
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conservatives plan on courting a group
they've spent decades ostracizing. We've
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evolved on homosexuality ever since we
discovered that our position on the
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marriage debate had become unelectable.
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00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:09,180
Sure. But are right -wing leaders doing
anything tangible? I mean, other than
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00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:13,160
coming up with more plausible excuses
not to attend pride parades? We have a
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tried -and -true method of switching
people to our team. It's called
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therapy. Wait, we're still doing that?
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Yes. Amazingly, it's still legal in most
provinces.
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Really? The efficacy of conversion
therapy has been universally disproved,
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Matthew is adapting the method for
changing sexual orientation to focus
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political orientation, converting gay
men to vote conservative.
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Gay men are statistically higher income
earners and less likely to have
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children. So why should they care about
welfare or universal child care or
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00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:48,510
whatever perversions the left is
peddling? Okay, well, that's not true.
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I mean, the LGBTQ community is very
diverse.
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They're passionate about social justice,
women's rights, intersectionality. To
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be clear, we're only focusing on the G
part of the acronym.
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Demonizing women issues is step one in
our liberal aversion therapy.
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No problem. I had to see for myself how
Metamorphosis Cove was transposing their
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00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,260
techniques to political conversions.
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The outdated, pseudoscientific methods
ranged from ineffective... You believe
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00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:19,460
Quebec is right about the niqab. ...to
horrifying.
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00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:24,100
Like the electroshocks I received to
make me associate reading salon think
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00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,800
pieces on race relations with fearing
pain.
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Or their attempts to rid me of my
beliefs in Keynesian economic theory.
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00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:36,770
But while this new form of conversion is
just as ineffective and dangerous as
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the ex -gay movement, there was one
positive that came out of this
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00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:41,650
experience.
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Meeting like -minded people with shared
values and desires.
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Like Kevin, my environmentalist
roommate, together we're organizing a
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effort to stop the Trans Mountain
Pipeline. For the Beaverton, I'm Donovan
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Stinson.
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Thanks, Donovan.
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Here at the Beaverton, we aren't above
cravenly hopping on the nostalgia
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00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:09,410
bandwagon. And that's why the Globe and
Mail has described us as the Fuller
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00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:11,550
House of Canadian Basic Cable.
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00:13:11,890 --> 00:13:16,070
Uh, I don't think that was a compliment.
And that brings us to this week's
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edition of Way Back One Day.
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Tonight, we take a trip back to 1994,
the year Ace Ventura introduced us to
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00:13:23,730 --> 00:13:27,670
breakout star that went on to define the
next decade of comedy, transphobia.
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00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:33,140
Whether it was Jim Carrey vomiting when
Einhorn was single, or Chandler using
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00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:37,880
Kathleen Turner's portrayal of his dad
as a gay panic punchline, transphobia
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00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:43,160
everywhere. In fact, transphobia was the
most bankable star since racism's
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00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,220
heartwarming performance in Ted Danson's
blackface routine.
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00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:51,480
Its career got so hot, it became part of
the legendary Hollywood hack pack,
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00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:55,620
alongside offensive accents, mocking the
disabled, and Michael Richards.
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00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,600
But while transphobia's career may be on
the downswing now that shows like
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00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:05,180
Transparent have made it seem passe, it
still continues to find steady character
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00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:06,720
work with Seth MacFarlane.
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00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:12,800
Still, from hackneyed crying game
references to naked gun sequels where
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00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:17,400
least objectionable thing is O .J.
Simpson, the mid-'90s was a golden age
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casual bigotry, and transphobia was its
biggest star.
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When we come back, we'll examine the
next comedic trope that will be
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we laughed at five years from now. At
who impressions, prison rape jokes, but
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mostly also still transphobia.
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Coming up later on the Beaverton.
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Canada Post celebrates the anniversary
of the Halifax explosion with an
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exploding stamp.
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Leonardo DiCaprio marks the 20th
anniversary of Titanic by dating a girl
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the year it was released.
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And PBS Kids unveils its gritty new
series, Odd Squad Criminal Intent.
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To the sports world now, from big hits
to replaying big hits over and over
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until violence is meaningless, we go to
Luke and Pat.
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Tonight on the show, Connor McDavid
opens a hockey school for
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Edmonton Oilers players.
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NFL fans take comfort in the knowledge
that the hit that will end Tom Brady's
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career is creeping ever closer.
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And Ottawa football fans are set to host
the quietest Grey Cup ever.
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Welcome to BSN, I'm Luke and he's Pat.
We're like a poor man's Jay and Dan or a
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billionaire's Tim and Sid.
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Up first, Alexander Ovechkin had thrown
his support behind the re -election of
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Vladimir Putin.
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Ovi said he was particularly impressed
with Putin's economic policy, foreign
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policy, and not poisoning Ovechkin's
family policy.
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In a viral post, Ovechkin said,
President Putin is strong leader. Also,
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don't hurt my babushka.
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Ovechkin's pro -Putin ads have been well
-received on Russia's most popular
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social media platform, state -sponsored
surveillance.
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And finally tonight, hockey parents.
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The backbone of Canadian sport and the
full -down -seat minivan industry.
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With the nation's minor hockey leagues
in full swing, Luke went out to see how
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new hockey parents are adjusting to the
lifestyle.
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For years, Canada's hockey parents have
been livening up games with their fun
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cheers and terrible behavior.
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But with thousands of them taking their
kids to rinks for the first time, how do
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they learn the tricks of their new
trade?
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That's where Ty Dusseau comes in. He is
the world's premier hockey parent coach.
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Remember, you have to start screaming at
the ref.
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early linda let me hear you yell hey
zebra get off your knees and stop
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this game oh i'm not really comfortable
saying those kinds of things god damn it
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linda take a look i understand you
personally created the technique
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where you freeze your child out after
losses but buy them ice cream after win
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Yeah, but that's strictly for my AAA
parents.
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These house leaguers still got to learn
the basics for creating a culture of
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toxic masculinity.
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Pick up the baseline now!
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When the other team has a two -on -one,
you're going to want to blow on one of
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00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,819
these. Make them think that the linesman
called them offside.
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Now, for your last lesson, my new friend
Luke has agreed to assist me.
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Now, this is how you fight a parent from
the other team.
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What? And get in there with some of
this.
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Ty showed me his tricks for committing
aggravated assaults, including a
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technique for jerseying he believes won
his estranged son's team the city
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championship.
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Linda!
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Photo time, let's go! For this coach,
though, it isn't about trophies. You
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better be smiling.
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It's about seeing the joy in a 45 -year
-old's face as he throws his coffee at a
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00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:53,950
chartered accountant.
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That, and the $300 an hour he makes.
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For BSN, I'm Luke Gordon -Field.
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Great job, Luke. I am in a lot of pain.
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Makes sense. Next week on BSN, we count
down this NBA season's top 700 bounce
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passes.
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Welcome
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back.
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With the Liberals increasing funding for
conservation areas and national parks,
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the oil industry is accusing the
government of being in the pocket of the
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00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:33,390
endangered species lobby.
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00:18:33,990 --> 00:18:38,230
According to one oil sand spokesperson,
those subsidies should be going to job
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creators like us, not these fat wildcats
with their luxurious fur coats.
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In related news, Environment Minister
Catherine McKenna has not yet commented
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00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:50,370
accusations she was wined and dined at
an upscale restaurant by a registered
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00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:51,710
beluga whale lobbyist.
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Revenge porn.
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00:18:53,950 --> 00:18:57,570
where men post explicit images without
permission of the women who were smart
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00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:58,570
enough to leave them.
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00:18:58,870 --> 00:19:02,450
But now a new website is turning the
tables on the perpetrators.
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Revenge Revenge Porn allows you to watch
offenders get double -teamed by the
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00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:08,790
criminal and justice system.
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00:19:09,350 --> 00:19:13,850
Some of the site's most popular videos
include Creepy Ex -Hubby Takes All Eight
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00:19:13,850 --> 00:19:18,950
Years of Hard Time, Barely Legal Dirtbag
Gets Handcuffed in Front of Stepdad,
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00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:22,870
and Nasty Perp Gets Slammed into
Pavement by Big Black Cop.
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Many clips are as long as 30 minutes,
although most visitors admit they came
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00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:28,560
after five.
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This weekend, while Canadians from coast
to coast spent Remembrance Day
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commemorating our fallen soldiers, we
looked past the fact that we're
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screwing over the ones that are still
alive.
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And that is the subject of tonight's
Between the Headlines.
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In 2006, the Harper government abolished
pensions for injured veterans,
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presumably to use the money for more
important things like silencing civil
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00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:52,560
servants and buying thousands of copies
of Harper's Hockey Book.
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00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,080
Justin Trudeau promised to change all
that in 2015.
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Unfortunately, it was a campaign
promise, meaning he's contractually
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to not follow through.
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It's easy to see why this hasn't been a
priority.
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00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:09,560
Veterans' benefits are not as sexy as
holding two pandas or as glamorous as
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00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,560
socks.
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00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,740
But that doesn't excuse their inaction,
or the fact that they are now limiting
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00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:16,560
disability payments to active soldiers.
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In fact, the liberal approach to
Canada's veterans has not been so much
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00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:22,640
forget as it has been oops we forgot.
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00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,120
So while it's great that the PM doesn't
want to send our troops into conflict
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00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:31,060
zones, maybe giving them back their
pensions would help save the 2 ,000
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00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:34,760
veterans from an equally deadly
environment, the streets of Canada in
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00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:35,760
wintertime.
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00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:39,510
Because the only people who should have
to train hard, go through grueling
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00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:42,490
physical trials on behalf of our
country, only to return to an
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00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:45,690
government that has cut their funding,
are Canada's Olympic athletes.
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Well, that's our show. Join us next week
when we explore how, for the first time
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ever, a computer has beaten a human at
mixed martial arts.
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I'm not joking with you.
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