All language subtitles for goodnight_sweetheart_s06e01_mines_a_double

Good night, sweetheart.

All my prayers are for you. Good night,

sweetheart. I'll be watching over you.

Tears and parting may make us alone.

But with the coming a new day.

And here we are, back in the living
space, which is the front room to normal

people.

I love your new home, Yvonne.

A balcony indoors, that's class, that
is. You don't have to go out to hang up

your washing.

There is, Ron.

Excuse me.

So what's going on?

What do you mean?

Well, she's got the hump and you're in
the spare room. I spotted your Baywatch

pyjamas tucked underneath the pillow.

The usual, isn't it?

Because I'm away a lot, Yvonne is saying
I'm not properly committed to this

marriage. Strange thing to say to a
bigamist.

Gary, that was Clive.

We've been invited to a party tonight.

Oh. What?

Um, why I was going out with Ron for a
drink.

Well, I'm sure Ron wouldn't mind.

No, of course I don't mind.

Yvonne, this is my best mate. I can't
let him down.

Fine.

Gary, go with Yvonne.

We can go for a drink any time. I'm not
going for a drink with you. That was

just an excuse.

Phoebe's expecting me.

There's a nasty side to you, Sparrow.

I wish you didn't have to go back to
work tonight.

Yeah, sorry.

Got to go in. Bit of trouble with the
boss.

You know.

If only I could split myself in two, eh?
Everything would be fine.

It's shocking out there.

My old tip ain't going to be much good
in this.

Flipping rationing. Can't get a new one
for love nor money.

Where's your umbrella, Gary? Oh, thanks,
Rich.

Titchy little thing, isn't it? Mm.

It's automatic.

Wait a second.

Well, you just push a button on the
handle.

What? Oh, this one. Oh!

Well, I... I never. What will they think
of next?

Will you be careful?

I want more children.

Not right now.

Night, Barry. I'm here.

Sir.

Wrong. All right?

Very frosty. Stick a pair of kippers up
a jumper, they'd stay fresh for a

fortnight.

And what a shocking waste it is, too. I
mean, fit or what?

You know, three times I tried her
bedroom door last night.

Locked every time.

That girl is right at the top of my to
-do list, if you get my meaning.

Why have you turned into Jeremy
Clarkson?

I just decided to lighten up.

Why has Yvonne got such a downer on me?

It's because up till now, I've been
inconsiderate and dull.

But from here on in, there's a whole new
me on the block.

Really? Oh, you have no idea.

From now on in, it's going to be fun,
fun, fun.

Yvonne.

I am late for work.

I know.

I want to make it up to you.

Let me take you out to dinner tonight.

Our marriage is heading for disaster,
and you think a pathetic gesture like

taking me for some indifferent bolognese
in some tatty trattoria is going to fix

it?

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

Though it wasn't actually an Italian I
had in mind.

I'd booked it on the 230 Eurostar. We'd
arrive in Paris about six.

Spot a sightseeing, dinner at Maxim's,
and then stay over.

I hadn't fixed a hotel. I thought it
might be fun to take potluck.

Who knows?

We could end up snuggled together on the
banks of the Seine under the moonlight.

But, like you say, pathetic gesture.

No, no, no, no, no. That is a very good
gesture.

Meet you here at one?

Fine.

What? have you done to yourself?

Tell me, I want to do it to me.

I can't stop.

I'm off to a little pub, I know, where
the beer is topped and take me a pint

the landlady fancies me.

I've got the best life or what.

Great, customers waiting.

Oh, right, yeah. Richard, Richard,
Richard.

I told you the one about this bloke had
a thing about service women, right? So

he started going out with a whack.

No, no, go on.

Well, you know what WAC stands for,
don't you? Yeah, Women's Auxiliary. No,

no, no, no. Want a cuddle, right?

So now he's looking for a WAF.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's a bit near.

Great customers.

You ready, then?

What for?

Go upstairs. I told you I can't. I'm too
busy.

I've been waiting all lunchtime.

Too bad.

What's got into you today?

You drank enough to float a battleship
when you never normally drink during the

day.

You're obsessed with getting me upstairs
for a bit of as your father, which is

something else you never normally do
during the day. Oh, well, maybe I've

changed. Come on, let's go upstairs.

You're starting to annoy me now, Gary.

Are you?

Everything all right?

Yeah, fine, Rich.

Go, look at that. Should have been
somewhere half an hour ago.

Well, that's the good thing about having
two strings to your bow.

When one isn't playing... You can always
pluck the other one.

I'm going to have to think about
something to do with you, aren't I?

What do you fancy, eh?

A quick trip off a tall building?

A nice soak in a bath of acid?

Well, I'll make up my mind and let you
know tomorrow.

If it's now, I'm taking everyone to
dinner.

of him yet? No, an hour and a half I've
been waiting with Mr Eurostar after all

of his promises and he doesn't give a
toss about this bloody marriage.

You're late.

Oh, am I glad you said that. It means
I've beaten him back here.

Where's Yvonne? She's upstairs and I'm
warning you, she is on the verge of

storming out.

Excellent. What?

I've got to get rid of her before he
gets here.

Before...

a bloody good excuse for standing me up.

Um, gas masks.

What? I had a delivery. Had to sort them
out.

You ruined our trip to Paris for a load
of smelly old rubber.

A trip to... Um, yeah, yeah. You must
hate me. I know I would.

Just get out of my way.

What are you doing? I had to get rid of
her.

Look, you've got to help me.

I've got a double. A duplicate.

There's two of me wrong.

What's the matter? Don't you believe me?

Strangely, no.

It's true. I have been cloned. You've
lost it, mate.

It's all this flipping between time
zones.

Housemates do the knees, tennis players
the elbows.

You've got time travellers nuts.

What? How long do I have to do this for?
Until you stop hyperventilating.

I don't think that'll be this sad in the
next millennium.

You know, I reckon he's a temporal
manifestation caused by you getting hit

lightning as you came through the time
portal.

You're not expecting me to argue with
that, are you?

My knowledge of physics starts and stops
with the apple hitting Galileo on the

head. It was Newton.

All right, when Newton hit Galileo on
the head.

I don't give a toss how it happened. I
just want to know what to do next.

I mean, you must have had some suspicion
that he wasn't me. No.

Looks -wise, he's an exact copy.

Well, what about in other ways?

I wasn't with him for long, but there
was something.

I'd rather not say.

Ron, this could be important.

He was more fun.

You ask?

He left me tied up in a toilet.

He is not fun. He is pathologically
evil.

And this could not happen at a worse
time for me, the state of my marriage to

Yvonne being as bad as it is. Oh, I
wouldn't worry about that. She seems to

prefer him as well.

Sorry.

Lively in here tonight?

It's a birthday party for one of the
girls from the munitions factory.

Look, I'm sorry about this afternoon.

So you should be.

Well, it's your own fault for being so
fanciful.

Well, I've got no plans for the rest of
the evening, so I can wait until last

ordered.

Don't start again. I've been on my feet
all day. There's still another four

hours to go.

The last thing I'm going to feel like
I'm closing time is a roll in the hay.

Terry, will you give us one of your
songs?

Yeah, no problem. You could do that one
I like.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far
away.

I tell you what, Reg, I'll do one you
haven't heard before.

I think his usual stuff, but more of a
melody.

I thought

you

were going to the shop.

Changed my mind.

Don't you dare look at me like that.

You've got no chance.

I'm going out again.

Help someone who gives a toss.

You know, if I didn't have to go...
Yeah, what?

The sex pistols. Oh, yeah.

He followed that up with a rendition of
Smack My Bitch Up.

Then got totally hammered and threw up
in the snow.

Of course, I am the one who strolls in
there in all innocence this morning and

gets it in the neck from Phoebe. So now
both of my wives aren't talking to me.

He's a lad.

A lad?

Oh, yes, of course, I was forgetting.

Mate of yours, isn't he? A good laugh.

Don't be pathetic.

Will you understand that he is an evil
aberration?

But he's...

I said you had a nasty side to you. It's
just been brought to life.

He is no part of me. He is out to
destroy me.

And what happens if Phoebe or Yvonne see
us together?

How do I explain that away? An identical
twin I forgot to mention?

That might work, mightn't it?

Oh. Oh, hi.

Why did you have to come wimping back
and spoil it?

I mean, the way you kissed me and ran
out just then.

My guess is he's on his way back to
1944.

And what exactly are we doing?

Trying to catch him, of course.

He can only be a couple of minutes ahead
of us. She heard what he wanted. He

only just kissed her.

Bastard.

Where's my cup?

Heck, again?

You keep backwards and forwards like
this, you'll make yourself go in.

All right, Reg, stupid question.

Are you saying that I just left? About
five minutes ago.

Dammit. So what was the stupid question?

What was it? Oh, that's not stupid.

I'm always forgetting what I did five
minutes ago.

Margie says I've got a memory like a...
Oh, what's it known?

Oh, what are they called?

Fish. Gold -coloured.

Goldfish?

That's them.

Now, what were we talking about?

We finished, Reg.

Two nuns, eh?

What?

That joke you told me just now. I've got
to say, Gary, you are becoming a bit of

a card lately. Everyone's noticed it.

Have they really?

You were certainly making Phoebe giggle
upstairs just now.

What?

Thought you'd gone, lover boy.

Thanks again for this necklace.

Looks lovely, doesn't it?

Still. I bet you think it looked better
15 minutes ago and it was the only thing

I was wearing.

Gary?

Gary!

Come on!

Come, sweetheart.

What the hell? is going on. You told my
secretary that there was a fire.

There is a fire.

Here.

I

don't

know where you learnt to do that, but...
Now, where are we going?

Veteran. Oh, no, no, no.

Let's do it here.

What is it about me saying the other you
was more fun?

Sorry, I thought that door was locked.

What are you doing with that?

You don't want to know.

What's happened? What's he done?

Well, let's just say he's taken a few
more liberties than a man can tolerate

forced me to listen to them.

These liberties, would they involve... I
don't want to talk about it. I

understand.

So where did you get the shooter?

1944.

Guns were about the only thing not on
the ration during the war.

Do you know, this cost me two pounds of
pork chops.

If I'd have thrown in some sirloin, I
could have got a bazooka as well.

But you didn't want to raise the stake.

I know. I just thought a bazooka might
look a little conspicuous under my

jacket.

I'm making jokes because I'm nervous.

I realise you're upset, but go in after
him with a gun.

He is not a him. He is an it.

An unnatural, evil aberration who's
already threatened to drop me in a bath

acid. And I tell you, he is not going to
screw my... life up anymore.

Right. Take this hand grenade.

It's a key ring for the spare shop keys.

Lock up when you go.

All right, sir.

Brian. Here's your black tie and dinner
jacket.

I usually save that for the saloon bar.

Have I forgotten something?

It's opening night of Richard III with
Laurence Olivier.

Noel Coward invited us.

Are you sure you told me?

You took the phone call.

Oh, yeah, right, sorry.

Forgot. How could you?

You knew how excited I was.

And there's something else I want to
have a word with you about.

One of the girls from the factory asked
me to give you some money for the nylons

you got them.

What's going on?

You're selling your stuff on a black
market now?

You're under arrest.

I'm sorry, Gary, but in my book, black
marketeers are the scourge of the war

effort, them and the people who buy off
them. Me and the law make no

distinction. I shall have to ask you to
accompany me to the station.

Fred, where did you get the new hat?

You sold it to me.

Flippin' heck.

I shall have to arrest meself now.

I'm supposed to be working here tonight.

I suppose I could let us both off with a
stiff warning.

Watch it.

And you.

What is going on?

The way you're behaving lately, there's
times when I feel I don't know you at

all.

It's complicated.

You're so cold and hard. We never talk
anymore.

And you totally ignore little Michael.

He's like a stranger to you. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Come here.

No.

You want me, you better start showing me
first.

Now, there's a cab outside and I'm going
to this play.

You can stay here and help Reg behind
the bar.

Gary?

Gary?

What?

What? You went out that door with a gun.

No, I didn't. You did?

Well, how could I? I'm here.

I could have sworn.

That's your eyes playing tricks on you,
Reg.

You need a drop of brandy.

In fact, I think I'll get myself a
double.

You knew that lunatic had a gun and you
didn't tell me? Well, I thought... was

you. You know, the real you.

Guns are hardly my style, are they, Ron?
I suppose it was a bit too macho move

for you, but it was very convincing, the
way he went on about the liberties that

had been taken with Yvonne. I don't want
to talk about that. That's exactly what

he said in exactly the same way. How was
I to know who he was talking to?

Well, we've got to get rid of him, and
fast.

We? I'm not sure I want to be part of
this. There's guns involved.

Well, you've got to help.

I can hardly go to the police, can I?
What am I supposed to say to them?

Excuse me, officer, someone's trying to
kill me. Oh, yes, and who would that be,

sir? Well, it's me, actually.

And then there's my Mayfair flat I'll
let you live in.

What about it?

Oh, you don't think he's going to let
you stay there, do you?

No, you'll be out in the streets when he
turns that into his West End passion

parlour.

Let's get him.

That's him.

That's him coming back.

I'll be the bait. You hide. When he
comes in, jump him.

You're lazy for me, are you?

You're more stupid than we look.

Rob, what are you doing? It's me. Let
go.

Oh, no. You fooled me once.

Twice.

Oops.

You've just given a gun to a sociopathic
replicant.

I don't think oops really covers it, do
you?

Oh, don't be hard on him.

It wasn't too difficult to convince him
I was you.

He didn't think you had the bottle to
get yourself a gun.

Oh, so I'm with you as well as no fun.
I'm surprised you put up with me.

You won't get away with this. What are
you going to do?

I'll get rid of Gary, but ooh, Gary's
still here.

That's a victimless crime.

Well, you'll understand if I don't see
it that way.

You know, I seriously consider going 50
-50 with you.

Could have been the ultimate timeshare.

You in the past for a while, me in the
present, then we switch.

Wouldn't have worked, though, would it?

Because we're too different.

Now, once you're out of the way, I'm
going to really enjoy myself.

It's always amazed me how little you
made of this time -travelling lark.

Just one bird in each era.

Scratching a living, selling bits of
junk.

Oh, no.

I think I'm going to do me some
tampering with history.

This time next week, every bird in the
country is going to be buying her

knickers from Marks and Sparrow.

You can't. The repercussions.

Won't bother you, woosh boy, because you
won't be around.

Sorry.

This time ain't big enough for the both
of us.

Looks like I got here just in time.

What is going on here?

I mean, what is this? A Gary Sparrow
convention?

Just how many more of you are there?

Half a dozen.

I'm joking.

And the last.

When the lightning struck, I was formed
on the other side of the time portal.

So what have you been doing for the last
three days?

Well, I was about to make myself known
to you when a doodlebug landed a couple

of streets away, so naturally I pitched
in with the emergency services.

I spent the last three days tirelessly
digging through rubble with my bare

and no thought for my personal safety.

At last count, it was six people I'd
rescued.

You're good, Gary, aren't you?

Any logical, really.

If there was a bad Gary, it stands to
reason, it'd be a good one.

I'd always assume that was me.

The size of your ego never ceases to
amaze me.

Of course, right.

With... Rugged good looks. I like you.

As well as being good, Gary, would you
also be ever so slightly gay, Gary?

I don't do anything slightly.

You mean he's a poof?

No, thank you. Keep a civil tongue in
your head.

Look, as much as I'm enjoying my own
company, has anyone got any ideas how we

resolve this?

I do not want to spend the rest of my
life as one of the Beverley sisters.

On the basis of what tour you were under
ought to put you back together again.

If the three of you go through the time
portal at the same time, chances are

you'll merge back into one.

Well, unless anyone's got Stephen
Hawking's phone number, I say we give it

try.

I think we should hold hands.

I won't be coming.

Damn this war.

Let's get on with it, then.

Look,

I'll do a deal with you.

You let me go, I'll make you a rich man.

Rolls -Royce, forget it. How about Rolls
-Royce?

Oh, no.

He'll throw me out of my flat.

Who says?

You did.

Oh, yeah, I did, didn't I?

Oh, thank God it worked.

Where did you spring from?

What are you doing out here on your own
at this time of night?

I had a bit of an headache when I got
back from the play.

Them first -night parties are all right,
but being charming and sophisticated

and half -bleeding knackering.

Anyway, get lost.

I'm not talking to you.

Oh, no, Phoebe, look.

I'm really sorry about the way I've been
behaving lately, and it won't happen

again, I promise.

How do I know that?

Because I... Because I've pulled myself
together.

Give us another one of those kisses.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

No, no, no, no, no. Do it like you did
before.

Look, Yvonne, we need to talk.

No, we can do that later.

No, listen, really.

The way I've been with you lately.

Exciting.

Passionate. Well, yeah, but surely not
too different from the usual me.

Only, like, completely.

But I've been horrible to you.

Well, it's a small price to pay for fist
-clenching, teeth -loosening, scream

-the -hells -down sex.

Wasn't that good, was it?

Well, you should know. You were there.

Well, yes, yes.

Yes, I was, wasn't I?

Well, I'm sorry, Yvonne, but the new
Gary has gone and he won't be coming

What are you talking about?

Well, it just wasn't really me.

expect you to be like it every minute of
every day, but you don't know anything.

No, I'm sorry, Yvonne, I just can't.

You really don't want this marriage to
work, do you?

Well, you know where the spare room is.

Why couldn't she have met the gay one?