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Hey, everyone.
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Oh,
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my God. Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God. A surprise party.
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Happy birthday, honey.
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No way.
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Look at you. Look at Charlie. Happy
birthday, Jim. Oh, Charlie and Tony.
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Jim. Happy birthday, man. Oh, that one
lady's husband.
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minutes to just collect my thoughts here
and thank my beautiful wife
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i'll be right
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00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,100
You never said that. Yes, you did. Yes,
you did. You said I could throw your
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birthday party on your 50th. I never,
ever, ever, ever, ever would say that.
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Never in my life would I say that ever,
ever. You can't make things up like
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this.
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First of all, Cheryl, the boys in Milli
Vanilli are talented artists and will be
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vindicated.
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As for the birthday party, I promise
you, you can throw me one when I turn
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What did you take from me? Cheryl,
Cheryl, Cheryl, look.
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Once we double our money on this Enron
thing, we'll go with your stock pick,
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right?
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What is a Google, anyway?
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July 2nd, 2001.
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Oh, oh, so it's fine for you to record
me, but when I want to take what's
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sex, it's unseemly?
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What are you smiling at? What are you
smiling at?
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You look so cute in your hat.
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I made the cutest tribute video using
all your baby pictures. Oh, yeah.
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Oh, yeah, yeah. Nothing I love more than
to be humiliated and belittled in front
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of a group of people in my own house
that I barely know.
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What?
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So I know one man's language.
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I don't know any of those people.
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I want you to see my present. Oh, God, I
hope it's a time machine so I can go
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back 15 years to our wedding night and
pick a woman who doesn't want to honor
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me.
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I hope it's a time machine so we can
unload that Enron stock.
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I sent Andy a special invitation.
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Let us celebrate your birthday!
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Hey, Dana, where's everyone else's
costume?
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I put on a costume, you put on 20 pounds
of baby weight.
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Except tomorrow, mine will be gone.
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So she tricked you into putting on a
costume?
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Yeah.
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Who tricked you into putting on lettuce?
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Hey, mock me all you want, Jim, but I'll
remain your friend forever.
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Now tell me you're not going to do this
all night, are you?
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It's just the tip of the iceberg.
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It's the world premiere of my tribute
video, A Half Century of Jim.
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Or as I like to call it, Jackass 3.
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If
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I
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knock the power out, the lights go out.
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Oh, and the people at the party go home.
Exactly. It's nice to see you still
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have a brain in that.
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Leafy head of yours.
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00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:11,060
Listen, man, just when you shimmy up the
pole and blow out the transformer, be
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careful. These things are dangerous.
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Not if I'm wearing a suit of insulating
material like Lennox.
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You didn't bring me out here just to
explain your plan, did you?
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If I'm not standing next to Cheryl when
the lights go out, she's going to think
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I did it.
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All you've got to do is shimmy up the
pole, put this mylar balloon in the
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transformer, the power goes out, piece
of cake.
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What's in it for me?
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I already said, piece of cake.
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You know, I'd kind of like to live to
see my 50th birthday party. You want to
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live to see 50? Start eating lettuce
instead of wearing it.
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Come on, it's my birthday, not yours.
Get up there.
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Come on! It's too high, even with my 30
-inch vertical.
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One,
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two, three. Now I have to marry you.
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Here, step on my back.
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Be careful. Be careful. Oh, my God. Oh,
my God. You're heavy.
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It's mostly costume.
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Hold still.
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Not my head. My head. Not my head.
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Oh, Jim.
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I need a hand.
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Jim, I'm not going to touch your butt.
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Come on.
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Easy, easy, easy, easy. Here's my
shoulder right here.
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Oh, my God.
83
00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:34,260
Did you step in something?
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I did, but I wiped it off on your head.
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A little higher.
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Okay, here.
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Here's the balloon.
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All right?
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Barely.
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Give me five minutes.
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Five minutes.
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I guess I'll count in my head.
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You little bandit.
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Why are you looking at me like that?
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No, no, no, no, no. This is just a
costume. This is not your dinner. Back
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neighbor or our dentist that it is so
special to be surrounded by people who
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so close to you i'm gonna go put in that
video okay yeah wait wait one second
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before you do i'm trying to put some
words together for a little speech for
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guests so if you can wait three to five
minutes let me collect my thoughts you
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know four three two one
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Looks like the whole neighborhood's out.
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No.
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The night of all nights.
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Damn my luck.
105
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:04,280
Well, now we can't watch the video for
sure. No electricity.
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00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:05,820
No backup generator.
107
00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:10,880
Oh, well, I'll just... I'll talk to
everybody. Hey, everybody, listen.
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Thank you so much for coming.
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Obviously, the party's ruined now, so...
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Look, I'll see you on my 60th. All
right.
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No, no, no. Wait a minute.
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Wait a minute.
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We're not going to let a little thing
like a power failure get in our way, are
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we?
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almost feel like crying.
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Andy, what happened to you?
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Let us not get into that.
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Daddy, we went into her piggy bank. We
wanted to give you money to pay for the
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electric bill. Oh.
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00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:15,610
Thanks, guys, but you know what?
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To be honest, it's a blackout. I'm
almost $40.
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Every little bit helps, thanks, kids.
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00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:27,210
Hey, good news. The baby monitor works
on batteries.
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00:09:27,570 --> 00:09:32,050
Really? Can your baby monitor cook the
60 mini mushroom quiches I have sitting
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frozen in my oven?
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It's hot in here.
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Making my own salad. dressing in this
thing.
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Ah, it's so squishy.
129
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And nobody even left.
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I guess people like me too much.
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I'm fine, thanks for asking.
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00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:03,600
10 ,000 volts stopped my heart for a
second, but the 20 -foot fall started it
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00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,600
right back up again.
134
00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:08,040
Okay, everybody, I have an idea.
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00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:14,220
Since we can't watch my DVD tribute to
Jim, I know, I know, we're all...
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heartbroken, but I thought we could do
our own tribute. So, I'm going to pass
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00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,100
this candle around, and one by one,
we're each going to do a toast to the
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00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:22,839
birthday boy.
139
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:23,840
Oh, how much fun!
140
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:26,040
Okay, so everybody blow out the other
candles.
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Me first.
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Okay, sure.
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There once was a gym from Nantucket.
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00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,640
Okay, and no dirty limericks.
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00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:40,440
You'll have to come back to me.
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00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,860
You know, there are very obvious signs
that a man is going through a midlife
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crisis. He splurges for an expensive
car. He joins a gym. He suddenly starts
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caring about his appearance.
149
00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:02,180
Well, it doesn't take a genius to see
that Jim is definitely not going through
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00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:03,180
midlife crisis.
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00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:08,440
Forty bucks for the next person who
won't speak.
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00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:10,220
Done.
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00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,440
So Willie's allowed to be dirty?
154
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:35,080
And finally, I'd like to say how much it
means to me that I can always count on
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00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:36,380
Jim. I mean...
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00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:41,410
It doesn't always make it easy, but it
means a lot to me to know that I can
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00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:44,150
always depend on him being right here
beside me.
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00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:51,470
Excuse me.
159
00:12:07,950 --> 00:12:08,990
You've got to be kidding me.
160
00:12:09,890 --> 00:12:11,430
Do I look like I'm kidding?
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00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:16,610
Oh, my God.
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00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,750
You're much madder than I pictured.
163
00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:21,430
I can't believe you.
164
00:12:22,210 --> 00:12:28,070
Cheryl, there's a baby in here. You
don't care about the baby. You just
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00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:29,070
want me to yell at you.
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00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:31,330
You are not wrong.
167
00:12:33,090 --> 00:12:35,790
Jim, what is it with you and birthdays?
168
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So you're a year older.
169
00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:40,150
Get over it. I don't have a problem with
birthdays.
170
00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:43,970
I have a problem with birthday parties,
and especially surprise birthday
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00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:45,150
parties. Why?
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00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:49,110
I don't want to talk about it, Cheryl.
Don't want to sip it, cut it, knock it.
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00:12:49,110 --> 00:12:50,110
don't want to talk.
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00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:54,170
Here's the thing. When you keep things
inside, I don't know if you're upset
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00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:57,470
about something real, or if the bear's
lost, or if somebody didn't use their
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00:12:57,470 --> 00:12:59,110
turn signal on your way home from work.
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00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:02,690
Oh, I suppose everybody can just change
lanes without using a signal whenever
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00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:03,690
they want?
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00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:06,790
Would you just let me in?
180
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:13,159
You want to know?
181
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,160
Yes. Fine.
182
00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:16,300
I'm going to tell you.
183
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,140
But we never speak about this ever
again.
184
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,720
And you don't tell anybody.
185
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,320
Fine.
186
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,100
All right.
187
00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:38,040
Picture a 13 -year -old boy waking up in
the morning and realizing that his
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00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,580
entire family has forgotten his
birthday.
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00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:46,090
I'm so sorry. Cheryl, don't interrupt
me.
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00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,490
If I pause, it's for dramatic effect.
191
00:13:56,850 --> 00:14:01,550
Well, this boy sucks it up and makes it
through the whole day at school.
192
00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:08,430
The whole while holding back his tears
because
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00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:12,830
all his friends at school had forgotten
his birthday, too.
194
00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:22,570
Finally, he comes home to an empty,
quiet house and decides, if no
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00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:26,450
one else is going to give me a gift,
I'll just give myself one.
196
00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:32,950
So I grab one of my Ma's bra catalogs,
find my chair,
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00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:39,870
drop my pants, and begin to unwrap my
present.
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00:14:42,370 --> 00:14:44,190
That's when I got my real surprise.
199
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:07,730
How do you say anything?
200
00:15:09,270 --> 00:15:10,650
You're pausing for dramatic.
201
00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:19,850
It was the worst day of my life. Oh my
God, my son is in there. I don't want
202
00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:20,850
hearing that.
203
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,570
What are you worried about? He's heard
everything already.
204
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,510
It can't possibly get any worse.
205
00:15:27,110 --> 00:15:28,270
It gets worse.
206
00:15:30,350 --> 00:15:31,350
What?
207
00:15:31,910 --> 00:15:33,310
How can it get worse?
208
00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:37,830
I couldn't stop.
209
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:52,920
You couldn't stop.
210
00:15:55,260 --> 00:15:57,640
Evil Knievel was at the bottom of the
ramp.
211
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,460
The bike was at a full run.
212
00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:08,240
There was no place to go except for over
the canyon.
213
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:16,700
You know, I went over the canyon.
214
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,260
Why are they laughing at us? What are
they laughing at?
215
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,100
Let's just get out of here.
216
00:17:03,140 --> 00:17:05,740
Hey, Tanner, you seem like a good kid
now.
217
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,040
So, if you're ever in Mexico, come and
see me.
218
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:15,700
And remember, when you turn 13, be sure
to lock the door.
219
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,880
Jim, we are taking back your birthday.
220
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,859
Oh, I don't want to see these people. I
don't want to see any of you people
221
00:17:25,859 --> 00:17:26,859
right now. You do.
222
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,600
You never got over what happened to you
when you were 13.
223
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,640
Cheryl, I almost did until tonight.
224
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,520
Now you've got to face it.
225
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,320
What do you always say to me? If you
have to eat it, don't nibble.
226
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:44,720
You know what you're going to do? You
are going to take a big bite tonight and
227
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:45,740
be over it forever.
228
00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,860
What's the big deal, Jim? We all do it.
229
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,280
Some of us use it as a sleep aid.
230
00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:57,180
Come on.
231
00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:00,470
Besides, You were 13.
232
00:18:02,870 --> 00:18:04,430
Really? Yeah, man.
233
00:18:09,270 --> 00:18:10,270
Thanks, Jim.
234
00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:11,830
Yeah.
235
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,070
All right, everyone.
236
00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:15,630
How about a big hand for the birthday
boy?
237
00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:21,070
Come on, Jim. We're just yanking your
chain.
238
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,460
It's, you know, it's kind of funny.
239
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,140
I mean, it'd be a lot funnier if it
happened to Andy.
240
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,800
Look at it this way, honey.
241
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:54,400
I mean, that was one really, really bad
memory. But you've had thousands of good
242
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:59,120
ones. And they've all been lovingly put
to music by me.
243
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:00,760
Andy?
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00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,920
Oh, the tribute tape?
245
00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:05,860
Yes. Oh, just wait.
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00:19:16,010 --> 00:19:19,990
Shadows are falling and I'm running out
of breath.
247
00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:23,710
Keep me in your heart for a while.
248
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:30,550
If I leave you, it doesn't mean I love
you any less.
249
00:19:31,710 --> 00:19:34,790
Keep me in your heart for a while.
250
00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:43,190
When you get up in the morning and you
see that crazy sun, keep
251
00:19:43,190 --> 00:19:44,610
me in your heart.
252
00:19:52,719 --> 00:19:55,260
Keep me in your heart.
253
00:20:43,390 --> 00:20:44,390
Thanks, Cheryl.
254
00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,130
That's amazing.
255
00:20:53,370 --> 00:20:54,370
Thanks, everybody.
256
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,440
Keep me in your heart for a while.
19956
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