All language subtitles for according_to_jim_s03e25_trashed

Gosh, it's weird being back at work. I
forgot about all the office politics and

the backstabbing. Oh, no, is somebody
picking on you?

No, no, I'm doing it to other people.

I just, I forgot how much fun it was.

Hey, Daddy's home.

Hi, Daddy.

Hello, my doves. Hello, my angel. Hello,
leftovers.

Cheryl, tell me about your day.

But just the highlights, please.

Okay. Remember how I told you Mrs.
Reifschneider is retiring?

Guess who's in charge of her send -off
party?

Cheryl, do you know what highlights are?

Who is this Mrs.

Riffstinker? What's her name?

It's Reifschneider.

Ruby's art teacher. Her favorite.

You re -ended her in the parking lot?

Oh, yeah. Rat stellar.

Daddy,

look what I made you in our class.

Will you put it on the fridge?

Yes. Just so happens I have business
there.

love our class.

I just sit next to Bobby and he wants to
have a play date.

Wow, that's pretty forward.

You know, my advice, get to know him
over drinks. You know, a little punch on

the playground.

And when it's time to pay, don't reach
for your purse.

But what purse?

You're going to be good at this.

But don't lead him on either. If you say
you want him to call, don't give him a

fake number.

Because that's just cruel.

Cheryl, Cheryl, there's no room to put
this up on the refrigerator. Can we get

rid of some of this stuff?

No, I like having this stuff up here.
It's special.

No, honey.

This isn't special. The kids are
special. Maybe we should put them up on

refrigerator now.

All right, fine.

Take this stuff and put it in the garage
in the box marked Ruby Second Grade.

And while you're at it, take out some of
these word magnets of yours. Come on, I

used them to write little love poems to
you.

Oh, yeah, they are sweet, especially
this one.

Too bad you couldn't find something to
rhyme with doable.

.

Empty jars.

Oprah transcripts.

Ruby, second grade.

Here we go.

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

Eleven years of crap that you won't
throw out.

Oh, come on. How can you call this crap?

The Blarney Stone Ruby made in
kindergarten.

I'd hate to lose that.

We could never replace that. I mean, we
have to go outside and dump a bunch of

glitter on a rock.

Come on.

It's a TV from our first apartment.

Do you remember we used to watch it in
the kitchen and they'd cut up vegetables

and you'd say, oh, I can't wait to eat
those.

Yeah, it's amazing what you'll eat to
get a woman in bed.

I keep this because it reminds me of
you.

Yeah, you know something else that would
remind you of me?

The actual me.

reminds me of a time I still thought I
could change you. Come on, Phil.

We've got to get rid of some of this
stuff, honey. I mean, you've got stuff

from college and from when we were first
dating. What about all this kid stuff?

Look at this stuff.

Could you just die?

This is a clay map of Illinois.

I know.

It's not even to scale.

Cheryl, it's an object. It's an object.

Objects aren't memories. Memories are up
here.

And in here.

Cheryl, please.

We've got to get rid of some of this
stuff. I mean, I can't even get the

back in here.

So?

So, I'm getting rid of some of this
stuff. No, no, no. Okay, okay, okay. How

about we compromise?

How about we get a storage space and put
all this stuff in there?

Why? So we can not look at this stuff
somewhere else?

Oh, honey, so I know it's all there.

All right, we'll compromise and do it
your way.

All right.

Hey, hello.

Hi. Welcome to Store It All, formerly
You Store It All.

What happened to the you?

Well, there was a murder and we wanted
to distance ourselves.

Can I help you?

Yes, I'm looking for a storage space.
Nothing fancy. It's got to be cheap. All

want are four walls and a roof. So your
crap won't be needing a view there.

Our basic unit is $60 a month.

$60 a month?

Jim, let me... Look, you're a very
smart, and I must say, a very

beautiful woman. Yeah, I'll go out with
you.

Slow down, honey. You're crowding me.

No, um...

I'm just looking

for a little break on the price.

Can't help you.

Come on, 60 bucks a month? That's
like... It's like a hot dog a day.

So do you want the space or not? I've
got to go track down a smell on level

four.

No, no way. I'm not paying that much to
store a bunch of junk.

Well, then, perhaps store -it -all
formerly you -store -it -all is not your

of tea.

Leave your number.

I expect a real dinner, no drive -thru,
no coupons.

Of course, baby.

You rolling with the A -dog.

Slap some butter on the bread.

I don't know why I told Cheryl that I
would do this.

I'm just enabling her.

You know what? Screw it. There's a
dumpster out back. Let's throw all the

out. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no. You can't
do that to Cheryl. I'm not doing it to

her. I'm doing it for her.

Don't you understand? If she were a
smoker, I'd throw out her cigarettes,

Jim, she used to be a smoker, and you
never threw out her cigarettes.

That's because it was never my damn
business.

No, no. I don't know, Jim. Hey, do you
want a hot dog every day?

Because I could show you that world.

I can see it.

It's so beautiful.

I'll keep it.

So, Gracie. Dish, how were drinks with
Bobby Simmons?

He sucked the punch up his nose with a
straw.

I like that.

You know, it's true. Girls really do
want to marry their daddies. Yeah.

Hello, girls.

Daddy. Who wants to go outside and step
on some ketchup packets? Yay!

Wait, what's with all the hot dogs
lately?

Yeah, I've seen you guys eat one every
day.

hot dogs is the most American thing that
you can do.

Every time I take a bite, I feel like
I'm waving the flag.

Let freedom ring.

Yeah, well, when your cholesterol gets
to 300, sell.

Oh, honey, I'm going to need to get into
that storage space.

Why, honey? What is it that you need?
Well, I'm doing an exhibit of the kids'

art for Mrs.

Reischneider's retirement party.

You said I'd never look at that stuff
again.

That's the great thing about you, honey.

You remember every freaking thing I say.

So, give me the keys. I'm going to go
down there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no.

Let me do it.

Oh, honey, that's so sweet, but I want
to go down and pick out some of my

favorites. Oh, what about my favorites,
Cheryl?

I mean, you know, I like our children,
too, and I like their artwork.

Even though you think I don't care, I'm
really going to miss Miss Redhauser.

Reif Schneider. Reif, yeah.

You know what?

If you feel that strongly about it, I
think it's a great idea.

Well, I also feel that strongly about
you and another woman. No, Jim.

Come on, Annie.

Okay.

You are, as the French say, so less
screwed.

Look, all we got to do is go back to the
dumpster and hope everything's still

there. What? No way. Hey, I have a date
with that storage woman.

What if she sees me crawling around a
dumpster? I think I've established that

the A -dog does not roll that way.

I don't know.

I've said it for a while, but this
sucks.

You suck.

Just look. Will you just look?

What are you doing, Andy?

What? What are you doing? It's a banana
in a garbage can. It's closed up. It's

perfectly fine.

Give me some.

He's pretty good.

What,

what, you find something?

Did Ruby ever do a nice pencil line
drawing of Alan Greenspan?

No. Oh.

Then it's just a Wall Street Journal.

You know what? This sucks.

If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even
get out of your house.

Oh, really?

Hang on, Bob. Just keep looking.

It's here. I know. I threw it in here.
We've been looking forever, Jim. Give it

up. Nothing's here. Come on.

What's that? I don't know. Right there.
Look, that's Ruby's stuffed animal right

there. Let me reach.

It's moving. It's moving.

Please.

Please tell me that's your cell phone.

Soundtrack to Top Gun.

What's that for?

Jim, 99 cents.

Do you feel the need for speed?

Yes, I do. We've got to speed this up.
Cheryl's going to be back in an hour

her meeting. Let's go. Let's finish
this. Now, how much of this stuff for

do we have to duplicate? Just enough to
pull one over on Cheryl. You know the

drill. Sure, sure.

Throughout this, I want to be called
Maverick. Okay, Maverick.

Okay.

So what do you want me to do? Where
should I start?

Well, I'm going to do some cotton ball
clouds. And why don't you draw something

like, oh, I know what Ruby does all the
time. Family. Do a family portrait. I'm

on it.

What if Cheryl doesn't buy this? Oh,
come on.

She never looks at this stuff.

She wouldn't know the difference between
this and Vincent Van Goat.

Don't you mean Vincent Van Go?

No, Van Goat. The goat at the state fair
paints with his beard.

Yet another reason our state fair blows
Wisconsin out of the water. That's

right, Maverick.

All right, little here, little there.

Okay, what do you think?

Andy, I think that's perfect.

If Ruby was a courtroom artist, come on.

This stuff has got to look like a kid
did it. It's got to look bad.

Jim, I'm not eight years old anymore. I
got too much talent.

Would it help if I gave you a wedgie?

Am I?

Okay,

that's it. That's good. It's working.
Call me a sissy. Sissy!

Tacky.

Derivative.

Cats have tails in my world.

You told me we were going to some fancy
art opening.

Two, three.

lies like this and we're through.

Come on. If I took you to a real
opening, some trendy artist would steal

away from me.

You got that right.

I'm gonna go get us some punching
cookies.

I have a feeling we're gonna need our
energy later.

Suggested donations are a dollar.

There you go.

Thank you.

You don't work here, do you? No.

Bobby Simmons here?

Yeah, that's him with his mom and dad.

Oh, Gracie, you don't want to date a guy
who still lives with his parents. Come

on.

Hey. Is it working? Are we filling in
with the artwork?

Yeah, I heard someone pass by and say
this was fourth grade level work.

Hi, guys.

Mrs. Reischneider, this is my brother
Andy, and you know Jim.

Hi, Mrs. Reischneider. Oh, for God's
sake, Jim, it's for... That's right.

Thank you.

Well, thank you, Cheryl, for this lovely
party. And I must tell you that Ruby's

work really stands out.

Oh, thank you.

You're too kind.

Well, what do you think of the rainbow
here? Pretty slick, huh?

It's wonderful.

Yeah, well, I much prefer the dog under
the tree. I think it's far superior than

some average rainbow.

Yeah, well, look at the clouds, though.
Look at that. They look really real.

That's very hard to do. You're a hack.

Shut up!

What difference does it make? It's all
Ruby's work.

She loses.

Well, Mrs. Reichneiter, we're going to
miss you so much.

Oh, aren't you sweet?

But I'm not going to miss this snake
pit.

What a bunch of backstabbing SOBs.

Right, yes, isn't it?

Aren't you glad I didn't let you get rid
of all these beautiful memories?

Come on, Cheryl.

I mean, if Ruby's name wasn't on this,
nobody would know it was hers.

Oh, please. A mother knows.

Right here.

A mother knows. Yes.

Really? Really. Well, then I wonder if
Mommy has a clear memory of when Ruby

this little horse.

Of course I do.

Kindergarten. Oh.

Well, how about this tree?

Oh, that tree.

It was spring.

Uh -huh. And Ruby went out and drew the
tree in the backyard.

Oh, Cheryl.

You have some kind of memory.

I know. That's what I've been trying to
tell you.

Each one of these is a memory for me.
And Jim, if you paid a little more

attention, they'd be memories for you,
too.

Honestly, I feel a little sorry for you.
You feel sorry for me? I do.

You know what? Honestly, I feel a little
sorry for you. Why?

Because you think all this stuff is your
daughter's precious artwork.

You know what?

Andy and I threw this together last
night. Ha!

What? Yeah. I didn't rent that storage
space. We just threw it all out.

You didn't? Yes, and we did all this by
ourselves, and you couldn't tell the

difference. You are unbelievable. You
threw Louie's stuff away without asking

me? Threw it all away. Absolutely. Every
bit. There's not one popsicle stick.

Not one painted piece of macaroni. He
threw out my artwork.

So,

uh, want to see a movie later?

Is it playing at your place?

Yeah,

baby. As long as it's not gone in 60
seconds.

Oh, honey.

I am so sorry that... Daddy did that.

Mommy didn't know anything about it,
baby. I am just as sad and upset as I

you are.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. My turn, my
turn. Come on, come on, come on.

Hey, Ruby Toons.

Why'd you throw it out? Did you hate it?

No, Ruby, I don't hate your artwork.
Actually, I love your artwork.

There was so much good stuff, we
couldn't keep it all.

I did make some good stuff, didn't I?
Yes, you did.

And it is so sad that it's all gone.

You know what? It is sad that it's all
gone.

But the good news is you can paint some
more.

That's true.

Yeah, and you can paint really good
stuff.

Way to go, Jim.

She is devastating.

Cheryl, please.

The only person that's upset about this
is you.

Ruby's not upset. No one else can tell
the difference.

I am upset for the kids.

How do you think they killed this other
artwork in the garbage?

Cheryl, that's why I threw it away
across town.

I mean, if they're in that neighborhood,
believe me, they're not trying to score

on their old artwork.

My baby's artwork is hanging up in a
crack.

Good. I'm so glad you took it that way.
I was so afraid you were going to be

overdramatic.

Jim, you don't get it.

Ruby made that Blarney stone when she
was five.

Now she's eight. She will never be five
again. You're right.

Or six.

Or seven. Oh, God, don't say that.

You're right. You're right. We have to
preserve every moment.

Jim, I feel like I'm losing something.

Oh.

You don't have to hold on to all their
artwork.

You don't.

Holding on to it is not going to keep
them from growing up.

They're going to grow up.

You've got to make room for some new
memories.

Well, I am not throwing everything away,
Jim.

I mean, some of that stuff really is
special.

Well, then, I'll tell you what. If it's
special, then let's treat it that way.

How about this? Once a year,

We pick a couple pieces, and we hang
them up in the hallway upstairs.

Okay. You like that? Yeah.

We could frame them, and you could do
some fancy lighting.

And you could fix the hinge in the
garage door.

Where did that come from?

Well, I've been asking you to do it for
months. I thought I'd just slip it in.

Honey, if I fix the hinge, then... Then
I might forget about the wobble in a

garage door. I don't want everything to
remind me of that. I'm going to flip

out. I'm going to break it.

All right.

Come on, let's go back in there.

Because now that you know I did that
artwork, I want your honest opinion.

If mine's better than Andy's.

Yeah, you know, I did have my
suspicions, though, honey, because that

turkey looked a little meaty to be Ruby.