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You want to hear Ruby's joke?
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Sure.
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Okay, so there's this alligator and this
bird, and the bird poofs on an
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alligator. Let's talk about poop when
wiping bird poop off.
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I love that.
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That's really funny.
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Okay, they're gone.
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And the matador, bleeding from his
shoulder, presented me with a
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single rose.
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That's Spain.
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Wow.
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Mommy, your cousin goes everywhere.
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Yes, and then we get to hear all about
it.
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Mindy, more pasta?
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Oh, no, thank you. I'm watching my
figure. I'm getting married in a few
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Yes, we know. In Bali.
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With your soulmate, Eric.
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Oh, you know, Eric and I went on a
cooking tour of Italy's Ligurian Coast,
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we made a sauce like this, but with
truffle.
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Well, I used to make the sauce with
truffles, but, you know, we got so tired
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it after a while.
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Yeah, so we're sticking to the kind in
the jar for now.
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Oh, you know what? I'll have to send you
my recipe. Of course, I'll have to
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translate it from the original Italian.
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Mindy, did you know that Cheryl speaks
fluent French?
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Oh, c 'est vrai.
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In fact, Jim and I were just talking
about going to France.
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Weren't we, Jim?
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Uh, no.
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I mean, but I like French things.
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You know, French fries, toast.
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Oh! And that little skunk who's always
trying to kiss that cat.
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The point is that we travel.
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We travel extensively.
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Which is a good thing to talk about over
divorce. Dessert.
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Homemade Bavarian apple strudel? Yeah.
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Which Cheryl discovered on her travels.
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To the market down the street.
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Daddy can't pay with checks, sir.
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Oh. That was a mistake. I thought they
were going out of business.
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All right, I'm going to go help Shiro.
Excuse me.
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So, Osaka, Japan.
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Shizuku ekiwa doko desu ka?
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Who can guess what that means?
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I'd like to kill myself?
46
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That's silly. No.
47
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No. I'd like to kill myself.
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I hope, please, that you'll never go.
And look, here's my engagement ring from
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Eric. It's flawless, just like me.
50
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Bill, what is this crap about us going
to France? You know the deal. If you
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to go to Europe... I am not making out
with the pretzel girl from the mall.
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Madagascar.
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Strudel looks great.
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married in a few months. I gotta watch
my figure.
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She put bacon fat in her coffee.
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Cheryl, don't give that away. That is
liquid gold.
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Why do you let your cousin Mindy get to
you?
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Jim, you don't know what it's like.
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Mindy's not the perfect person you've
been compared to your whole life.
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Cheryl, we all have our Mike Ditkus.
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Come on.
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When we were little, if I got an A, she
got an A+. I won the district
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championship in tennis. She won state. I
had a cute boyfriend. She had a cuter
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one. Well, you won the last one.
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00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:03,480
Oh.
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00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,120
You want me to take my shirt off in
there so you can brag?
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I'll do it. Just give me some kind of
cue. You know, like, say pickle or
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something.
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I'll make it go smooth.
70
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I get it. You've been to Venice.
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00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:26,720
Well, tomorrow I am jetting down to
Florida to help my mom move into a new
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condo.
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Driving a rented truck.
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Hey, who are the girls?
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00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:35,420
They're watching a DVD in the backseat
of my SUV.
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Apparently, they've never seen anything
like that before.
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I'm going to step outside.
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Do you want a wedgie? Sure.
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00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:45,980
Oh,
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did I tell you?
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00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:55,480
Eric's photography is really catching
on. I mean, it's just a hobby, but
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00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:56,480
galleries are interested.
84
00:04:57,100 --> 00:05:01,280
You know, Jim's band is doing great,
too. They're playing gigs all over town.
85
00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:03,900
Well... I'm Eric Smeuth.
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Most of his shots are of me.
87
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,280
I'm the lead singer in Jim's band.
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What? Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of fun.
Right, Jim?
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Sure, don't you think... Pickle, pickle.
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Is that hot? Not near.
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00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,230
that up to make myself look better. Oh.
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00:05:58,530 --> 00:06:00,590
Gee, I wonder where I learned that
little trick.
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00:06:00,970 --> 00:06:02,950
Oh, from my lead singer in the band.
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00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:09,290
So I embellished a little bit. Everybody
does it. It's harmless. Is it?
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00:06:09,810 --> 00:06:12,270
Or is it just a slow descent into hell?
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00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:16,810
Honey, what's it going to be like
keeping track of all your
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Lies, building on lies.
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00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:22,570
You know, you're on a pretty high horse
with someone who lies as often as you
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do. Cheryl.
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00:06:24,349 --> 00:06:26,030
When I lie, I have legitimate reasons.
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I either want something or want to get
out of something.
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00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:34,850
But I would never lie to make myself
look better in front of someone like
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who, by the way, hit on me.
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00:06:39,710 --> 00:06:42,950
What? I'm just saying, when I took off
my shirt, she was the only one that
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didn't turn her head.
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Yellow.
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Oh, hi. Hi, Mindy. Yeah.
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Really? Are you sure?
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Of course. My band would love to play
for your engagement party.
110
00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:05,660
Yes, Cheryl will sing because she's in
the band.
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00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:10,680
Terrific. Fantastic. Thank you.
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00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:15,760
Keep your head and hands in the car on
your slow descent into hell.
113
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Maybe you should just call Mindy back
and tell her why.
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I can't.
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She'll spread it through the family like
a virus.
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00:07:30,860 --> 00:07:33,100
I'll be a laughingstock. Can you
imagine? Me.
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00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:36,280
Dan and Andy are in my family, and I'll
be the laughingstock.
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All right. I guess I'll see you at
rehearsal tomorrow.
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One o 'clock.
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00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:43,140
And a new guy always brings a beer.
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And also, we have a standing tradition
that the new guy has to eat a
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out of... You just bring the beer.
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00:07:56,970 --> 00:08:01,910
Hey, John, how was that date last night?
Oh, smoking, man. She had an incredible
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00:08:01,910 --> 00:08:06,350
set of... China.
125
00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:09,850
Oh, was it Wedgwood?
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00:08:10,830 --> 00:08:11,830
Actually,
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00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,510
I think it was Bone.
128
00:08:16,190 --> 00:08:19,610
Bone. But I don't get it.
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00:08:20,830 --> 00:08:23,330
He nailed a girl with big knockers.
Cookie?
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00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,820
You sure you want to do this? I mean,
you're not really a professional singer,
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honey.
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00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:36,059
One phone call to Mindy and you can be
out of this. No, no.
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00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,419
I'd rather face an audience than face
Mindy.
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00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,740
Besides, you know, I sing in church.
I've never gotten any complaints.
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00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:43,460
All right.
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00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:44,680
Your call, baby.
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00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,920
All right. Story Monday, guys. Tony
King. One, two, three.
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00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:53,080
You ruined that song for me. She's also
ruined New Orleans.
139
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:56,620
Yeah. Are you really going to let Cheryl
sing at the party tonight?
140
00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:58,840
Andy, women are like children.
141
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:02,680
They don't learn their lessons until
they see the error of their ways.
142
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:04,720
What about men?
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00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,200
Oh, we got to go to jail.
144
00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:08,820
One more time.
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00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:10,680
Babe, please don't go.
146
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:15,640
Cheryl. Yeah? Cheryl, why don't you save
your voice for the show?
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00:10:16,060 --> 00:10:17,060
Oh, good idea.
148
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:18,300
Great idea.
149
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,800
party over with. A couple days in
Florida and I officially hate my life.
150
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:28,300
Hanging out with mom will do that to
you.
151
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,340
Why is a girl as pretty as you not
married? Are you gay?
152
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:36,060
I wear one flannel shirt and she tried
to set me up with her waxing lady.
153
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,780
And then she went on and on about how
great Mindy's wedding is going to be and
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00:10:41,780 --> 00:10:44,040
how successful her record producer
fiance is.
155
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,580
You know what? I'm glad I tore the
labels off her medicines.
156
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,620
Midnight's Beyonce is a record producer?
157
00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:55,220
Yeah, like Crocodile Records or
something. Crocodile Records?
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00:10:55,580 --> 00:10:57,100
They do all the blues guys.
159
00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:02,920
Andy, if he hears us and we're good, we
may have a shot at the recording deal.
160
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:08,160
Wow. Hey, hey, for the album cover,
let's get in a field stripped down
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00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,940
naked with daisies covering our
business.
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00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,720
All we have to do is kick ass tonight.
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00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:14,900
Cheryl.
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00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,300
You can't let her sing.
165
00:11:19,099 --> 00:11:20,099
sing? Where?
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00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,500
At the engagement party with our band.
167
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,220
Okay, why would you do that? Cheryl's
totally tone deaf.
168
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,219
No kidding.
169
00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:28,060
Haven't heard any dogs in the
neighborhood lately, have you?
170
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,660
We've got to tell her.
171
00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:33,220
She's gonna be so upset.
172
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,180
You do it. You're the husband. What?
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00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,360
Come on, you're blood. I just sleep with
her.
174
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:41,440
Come on, Jim.
175
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:45,200
What's more important? Cheryl's
happiness or our million to one shot at
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00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,200
deal?
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00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:48,300
Hey.
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00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:52,470
Did you guys hear me up there? Yeah. I
was kicking.
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00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:58,770
Sweetie, sweetie, you know, I know you
love singing. I do.
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00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:03,430
I do. I really do. You know, these last
few days rehearsing with you guys have
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00:12:03,430 --> 00:12:04,870
been amazing.
182
00:12:05,230 --> 00:12:07,690
I totally get why you love it so much.
183
00:12:07,930 --> 00:12:10,210
So let's go to that party and rock back.
184
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,720
I prefer her crying to her singing.
185
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,660
Adina, the waxing lady, how did it go?
Not dinner and a movie, no big deal.
186
00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:32,220
Look
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00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:39,940
at
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00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:43,620
you.
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00:12:44,420 --> 00:12:47,600
Who knew that the little girl with the
stammer would end up to be the lead
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00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,600
singer in a band?
191
00:12:49,660 --> 00:12:50,479
Look at you.
192
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,060
The bedwet are all engaged.
193
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,500
Okay, then. I'm mingling. Okay.
194
00:12:58,220 --> 00:13:01,120
I thought you were going to tell Cheryl
in the car.
195
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,700
She was feeling too good.
196
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,140
Really, it's not a good time to do it.
197
00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:08,560
How about when you told her to pump gas?
198
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:15,000
Hey, you better tell her quick. We're
about to show our stuff to the record
199
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,000
producer. All right.
200
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,440
Fine.
201
00:13:20,330 --> 00:13:21,830
Big grill keep on turning.
202
00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:23,510
Proud Mary keep on burning.
203
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,870
Rolling, rolling, rolling on a river.
204
00:13:27,690 --> 00:13:32,330
Doot, doot, doot, doot. Doot, doot,
doot, doot. Doot, doot, doot, doot.
205
00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:33,330
doot, doot, doot.
206
00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:37,450
How you doing? I am pumped.
207
00:13:37,790 --> 00:13:40,670
You better be on your toes up there
because I might throw in a couple of
208
00:13:40,670 --> 00:13:41,890
doots if I'm feeling it.
209
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:46,910
Cheryl, I love you so much. I really do.
210
00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:50,770
And because I love you so much, I've got
to tell you something.
211
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:52,290
What?
212
00:13:52,950 --> 00:13:56,410
Cheryl, you don't sing very well.
213
00:13:58,190 --> 00:14:00,550
I don't know what you're doing, but it's
not singing.
214
00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:05,250
Uh -oh. I know what this is.
215
00:14:05,450 --> 00:14:08,950
What? This is one of those band things
where you rag each other, but you don't
216
00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:13,690
really mean it. Well, right back at you.
You are a crappy harmonica player.
217
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:21,800
Cheryl, I didn't want to have to do
this, but this is a tape of the
218
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:22,800
yesterday.
219
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:27,560
Is
220
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:35,340
that
221
00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:36,099
really me?
222
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,080
Well, it's not Billie Holiday.
223
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,140
I suck.
224
00:14:42,020 --> 00:14:43,340
Well, kind of.
225
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:48,740
Well, I'm sure people tried to tell you.
226
00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:54,100
I'm sure they did, but just like the
right notes in the song, you didn't hear
227
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:55,100
it.
228
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,440
I'm so embarrassed.
229
00:14:58,960 --> 00:14:59,960
Wait a minute.
230
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,440
I've been rehearsing with you guys all
week, and you wait till now to tell me?
231
00:15:04,540 --> 00:15:08,600
Well, I was trying to teach you a little
lesson about embellishment, but I just
232
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:09,600
couldn't get through it.
233
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:10,720
Why?
234
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,700
Cheryl, I'm too terrific.
235
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:17,250
No.
236
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:18,950
Why?
237
00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:25,390
Well, I found out that Mindy's fiancé is
a record producer.
238
00:15:26,530 --> 00:15:27,990
I'm doing it for the band, Cheryl.
239
00:15:28,550 --> 00:15:31,250
And for you, too. I mean, you want to
live in those rags the rest of your
240
00:15:31,290 --> 00:15:32,290
You want some new clothes?
241
00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:33,830
Just leave you.
242
00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:38,130
You set out to make me look like a fool,
and now you're looking like you're
243
00:15:38,130 --> 00:15:40,170
saving me to save yourself from looking
like a fool.
244
00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:41,930
And you made me pump gas.
245
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,360
Cheryl, I cannot help... if the gas tank
is on a passenger side.
246
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:48,880
Blame Japan for that.
247
00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:55,320
Jim, Cheryl, this is the Mr. and Mrs.
Thaddeus Dempsey. Hello.
248
00:15:55,720 --> 00:16:00,520
Hi, how are you? The whole party is
abuzz about your group.
249
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:02,720
Oh, yeah.
250
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,600
I'm not going to be singing with the
guys.
251
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:08,660
Oh, shock. Why?
252
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,760
Are we having a little stage fright?
253
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,280
That's what knocked you out of the
district debate final.
254
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:15,580
I won.
255
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:22,600
You know what it is? I've got a little
bit of a scratchy throat, and we're
256
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:26,100
opening up for a huge blues band next
week. Really? Who?
257
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,060
Blind Limb Fats Jr.
258
00:16:32,180 --> 00:16:33,540
I think I've heard them.
259
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:38,940
Yes, yes. Well, I am... now in an
eternal funk about you not singing.
260
00:16:39,660 --> 00:16:43,020
Oh, look, it's the Mr. and Mrs. Jerry
Sinclairs. Come, Dempsey's, let's meet.
261
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:44,940
Cheryl!
262
00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:48,840
What are you doing? You're embellishing
again.
263
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:51,360
I'm not going to tell you the truth now.
Why?
264
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:52,339
It's too embarrassing.
265
00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:53,740
So what if it's embarrassing?
266
00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:55,520
Who cares what other people think?
267
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:59,140
Come on, I'm not afraid to make a fool
out of myself. I know I'm no Mick
268
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:00,520
but I'm having a ball up there.
269
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:01,940
Well, that's true.
270
00:17:02,660 --> 00:17:03,660
You're no Mick Jagger.
271
00:17:05,130 --> 00:17:07,810
Your whole life you've been trying to
measure up to Mindy.
272
00:17:08,329 --> 00:17:11,490
I mean, you are like a million times
better than her.
273
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:14,490
Are you getting tired of it?
274
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,430
Okay, everybody, settle down.
275
00:17:18,650 --> 00:17:19,869
Bride -to -be talking now.
276
00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:24,450
It's inspiring to see so many happy
couples out there.
277
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:30,090
The Simons, the Drakes, the Johnstons,
my single cousins Dana and Andy.
278
00:17:31,330 --> 00:17:32,590
It's going to happen for you.
279
00:17:34,830 --> 00:17:36,110
Dana, Dana, Dana.
280
00:17:36,690 --> 00:17:37,890
Save it for group.
281
00:17:40,610 --> 00:17:41,810
Enough of me.
282
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:44,450
Who's ready to get their boogie on?
283
00:17:44,990 --> 00:17:47,930
Let's welcome Cousin Jim and the guys.
284
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:51,030
Hi.
285
00:17:58,230 --> 00:18:04,720
I don't... I actually have a scratchy
throat. I'm perfectly healthy.
286
00:18:05,020 --> 00:18:06,020
I'm just bad.
287
00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:08,700
I can't sing.
288
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:16,580
And I'm not going to France. I've never
made anything out of truffle. And that
289
00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:18,380
Bavarian apple strudel?
290
00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:20,560
Apple pie from a box.
291
00:18:24,380 --> 00:18:25,380
You win.
292
00:18:31,180 --> 00:18:34,920
I have something wonderful to tell you.
Ladies and gentlemen, first of all, we'd
293
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:40,540
like to dedicate this first song to
Mindy, the bride -to -be, and to her
294
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,040
Eric, who just happens to be a record
producer.
295
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,140
And we just happen to be a band.
296
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:46,980
A record producer?
297
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,800
I'm an accountant at Crocodile Records.
298
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,440
Mindy, what have you been telling
people?
299
00:18:54,340 --> 00:18:56,600
Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.
300
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,320
No, no, Mindy, you know what? Seriously.
301
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,640
This is nothing to be embarrassed about.
302
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,780
You want to see something embarrassing,
watch this.
303
00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:09,900
What are you doing?
304
00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:13,260
I'm going to do the one thing Mindy
can't do.
305
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:14,800
I'm going to have fun.
306
00:19:18,540 --> 00:19:23,140
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to
welcome to the stage someone you're
307
00:19:23,140 --> 00:19:24,480
going to forget after tonight.
308
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,290
She is... is gorgeous.
309
00:19:28,490 --> 00:19:29,490
She is kind.
310
00:19:29,990 --> 00:19:31,630
She's mine, all mine.
311
00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:38,630
Please welcome from Chicago, Illinois,
in her full glory, Cheryl, my wife.
312
00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:49,210
We have a little song here we'd like to
send out to all the accountants out
313
00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:50,210
there.
314
00:19:51,530 --> 00:19:55,470
This is a song we normally like to do
nice and easy.
315
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,880
Real. Nice and easy.
316
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,300
But tonight, I'm thinking we're going to
do this song rough.
317
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,160
Real rough.
318
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,020
Alright guys, kick it!
24756
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