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00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,400
You know, I've seen Cheryl do this
before.
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00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:15,360
She just presses a button and the whole
thing collapses.
3
00:00:48,970 --> 00:00:50,830
I think I heard a click that was my
knee.
4
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:53,750
You know what? Not now, but Mommy will
sing it later for you as much as you
5
00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:54,750
want. Yay!
6
00:01:55,650 --> 00:01:59,450
So, I'm sitting there watching the
director's cut of Red Heat, which, by
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00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:00,750
way, Cheryl, is very good.
8
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,110
Completely overlooked by the Academy.
9
00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:09,370
Anyway, the DVD player breaks down and
craps right out on me. What? We've only
10
00:02:09,370 --> 00:02:10,269
had it a week.
11
00:02:10,270 --> 00:02:11,270
Bingo.
12
00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:18,310
So, I'm going to take this back to Lazy
Al.
13
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,960
I'm going to exchange it and get a new
one, but I need that receipt.
14
00:02:25,780 --> 00:02:26,880
My pinky!
15
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,280
My whistle!
16
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,760
Thanks, Jim. That's where I keep all the
stuff I don't want him to have anymore.
17
00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:35,260
My nudie pen.
18
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:39,640
Hello, Ingrid.
19
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:42,460
She lives in a pen, Jim.
20
00:03:00,650 --> 00:03:02,470
that receipt in here. What did you do
with it?
21
00:03:02,730 --> 00:03:06,070
Me? I never take anything out of that
drawer. You're the one who's always
22
00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:10,290
things, like our honeymoon tickets. I
did not lose those tickets. You told me
23
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:13,570
put them in the green suitcase. You
didn't take the green suitcase. Well,
24
00:03:13,570 --> 00:03:15,410
why didn't you tell me to put them in
the green suitcase? Why would I tell you
25
00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:18,350
to put them in a suitcase you weren't
even taking? Cheryl, only you can answer
26
00:03:18,350 --> 00:03:19,350
that.
27
00:03:21,230 --> 00:03:23,150
That was ten years ago.
28
00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:25,770
Come on, can't you think of anything
recently that I lost?
29
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:27,250
Uh, ten pounds?
30
00:03:28,490 --> 00:03:30,150
Although, in your defense, you did find
them.
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00:03:34,570 --> 00:03:36,870
Cheap shot, Cheryl. I am storing that
one.
32
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:38,670
You mean where your hair used to be?
33
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:47,950
Did I forget a birthday or something?
What's going on here? No, no. I'm just
34
00:03:47,950 --> 00:03:52,030
sick of you losing things all the time
and blaming me. Like my car keys or your
35
00:03:52,030 --> 00:03:53,710
sunglasses or the electric bill.
36
00:03:53,970 --> 00:03:56,170
Come on, Cheryl. That was fun. It was
like camping.
37
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:03,780
stop keeping score with me. I mean, you
store these lists in your head.
38
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,220
Oh, you mean up here with my thick,
lustrous hair?
39
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:15,500
Cheryl, you are making me very angry and
40
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,820
very hot.
41
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,320
Come on.
42
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:24,160
It's obvious that someone just broke in
here in the middle of the night and
43
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,340
stole my receipts. Yeah, Jim.
44
00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:30,050
It's probably halfway to South America
by now, chopped up and sold for
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00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,810
I know what's in here. Honey, honey,
seriously, you probably don't want to
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00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:37,930
anything because the police are going to
want to dust for prints.
47
00:04:39,390 --> 00:04:40,610
I'm going to... Ah,
48
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:48,410
Tiffany.
49
00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:52,710
That wicked lady took your sister away.
50
00:04:59,790 --> 00:05:02,210
Welcome to Lazy Al's. We're too darn
lazy to raise our prices.
51
00:05:04,290 --> 00:05:06,010
I bet you hate saying that, don't you?
52
00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:07,370
No, I don't.
53
00:05:13,090 --> 00:05:17,090
Well, this thing is broken here, and I
want to exchange it for a new one. Okay.
54
00:05:17,210 --> 00:05:18,149
Can I see your receipt?
55
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:21,390
Well, my wife lost it.
56
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,030
Women, huh?
57
00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:27,870
Don't get me started.
58
00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:33,230
No returns without a receipt. No
exceptions.
59
00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:36,550
Oh, come on, buddy. We all know that
rules are meant to be broken, huh?
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00:05:42,730 --> 00:05:49,590
Are you trying to bribe me with an
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00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:50,590
Arby's coupon?
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00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:54,170
Okay, I understand.
63
00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:55,550
You're a worthy opponent.
64
00:05:57,930 --> 00:05:59,910
Let's make this a game of skill.
65
00:06:01,990 --> 00:06:03,870
I'm thinking of a number between one and
ten.
66
00:06:04,570 --> 00:06:05,950
Seven. Damn.
67
00:06:08,590 --> 00:06:12,170
I need that receipt, sir. I'm thinking
of a number. Sixty -three. How do you
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00:06:12,170 --> 00:06:13,170
know that?
69
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:38,090
What's that, Jim, the new DVD player?
70
00:06:38,550 --> 00:06:40,450
Why, yes, my darling, it is.
71
00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:43,350
Oh, Jim, you're my hero.
72
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:47,570
Would you like steakums for lunch
followed by afternoon sex?
73
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:54,350
Well, you know, Cheryl, I really didn't
think about that, but yes, I would.
74
00:06:56,979 --> 00:07:00,560
Okay, I get it. You didn't lose the
receipt. Oh, I didn't lose the receipt.
75
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,540
That's very interesting. So maybe you
were incorrect.
76
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:08,120
Maybe you could have been possibly
wrong, perchance mistaken.
77
00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:09,700
All right.
78
00:07:09,940 --> 00:07:11,760
I got it. All right.
79
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:13,740
Cheryl, excuse me.
80
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:19,220
I am going to take a nap to save up
energy for our afternoon sex.
81
00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:22,820
Okay, honey.
82
00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:25,220
You win. Enjoy your nap.
83
00:07:25,740 --> 00:07:27,180
Thank you. Bingo!
84
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:33,540
B -I -N -G -O! B -I -N -G -O! B -I -N -G
-O! Bingo!
85
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:35,360
Boy,
86
00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:42,360
I am a genius.
87
00:07:42,820 --> 00:07:43,820
Yeah, spell it.
88
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:48,600
Yeah, go ahead and make fun of me, but I
just fooled my wife, and she's a very
89
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:49,559
smart lady.
90
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:50,860
All right, so how did you fool her?
91
00:07:51,310 --> 00:07:55,110
You see, I was going to return this
broken DVD player, right? Okay. But I
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00:07:55,110 --> 00:07:59,770
the receipt, and I couldn't find it, and
Cheryl accused me of losing it. Did
93
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,490
you? Well, yeah, pretty much.
94
00:08:03,730 --> 00:08:07,530
That's why I went out and bought a new
DVD player, so she wouldn't, you know,
95
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:12,810
harp on me for 50 years about the
mistakes I made. I know what you mean.
96
00:08:12,810 --> 00:08:16,230
still won't let me forget the time when
I used her Easy -Bake oven to cremate my
97
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,710
dead frog, Mr. Hoppers.
98
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,800
Guys, women, women are like a dog with a
bone.
99
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,000
They bury it for a while and then they
dig it up when they want to use it
100
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,000
against you.
101
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,520
My barber told me that. You were in the
chair long enough to get all that?
102
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,080
Act like you don't know why. Okay.
103
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:01,140
You don't even know what you did, do
you? Uh, overreacted to something small.
104
00:09:01,180 --> 00:09:02,380
Oh, sorry. That's what you do.
105
00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:05,660
I hate you when you dance.
106
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:09,640
Stop dancing!
107
00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:14,020
I made your stupid spaghetti sauce last
night for my date and it was awful.
108
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,980
Oh, honey, your dates are always awful.
109
00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:20,020
Okay, what did you do wrong?
110
00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:21,220
I didn't...
111
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:27,800
One can of tomato paste, three
tablespoons of olive oil, one tablespoon
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00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:28,820
oranges. Oregano.
113
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,340
Oranges? You're not making a smoothie.
114
00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:38,480
Oh, my God.
115
00:09:38,780 --> 00:09:39,719
Lazy ass.
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00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,780
This is the receipt for the DVD player.
117
00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:47,720
Jim did lose the receipt. He is so
busted.
118
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:49,400
Where'd you get this? From you.
119
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:52,520
You took it out of that drawer, wrote
the recipe on it, and handed it to me.
120
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:07,550
Wait a minute.
121
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:11,050
If he didn't have the receipt, how did
he get lazy to take his DVD player back?
122
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,270
Maybe he undid his top button and cried.
123
00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:16,850
I once returned a car like that.
124
00:10:18,270 --> 00:10:22,070
He totally deceived me. Well, Cheryl,
what have I been telling you for ten
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00:10:22,070 --> 00:10:24,450
years? That man has no good qualities.
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00:10:25,890 --> 00:10:26,990
Come on, let's go nail him.
127
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:35,280
I'll say because I gave it to Dana and
then he'll say so it was really you who
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00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,720
lost the receipt. I don't have anything
to say.
129
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,400
Wow.
130
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,160
I must have no life because I find this
fascinating.
131
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,520
What are you doing?
132
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,120
Oh, listen carefully, little sister.
133
00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:52,340
Men are like a dog with a bone.
134
00:10:55,060 --> 00:10:57,840
They'll bury it for a while but they'll
dig it up when they need to.
135
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,140
Also, there's the chewing and the
licking.
136
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:08,270
Trying to get me from jury duty.
137
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:12,330
It's time to ring. See ya.
138
00:11:15,150 --> 00:11:16,550
Watch the door. Okay.
139
00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:18,570
What am I looking for?
140
00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:20,690
If you see Cheryl, say something.
141
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:22,130
Like what?
142
00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:25,630
Like, hey, Jim, Cheryl's coming.
143
00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:29,150
Seems a little long.
144
00:11:30,570 --> 00:11:33,070
How about Blue Canary? Just watch the
door!
145
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:59,640
This broken DVD player. I thought they
wouldn't take it without a receipt.
146
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,540
Oh, I have a receipt from the new DVD
player.
147
00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:05,540
That's just wrong.
148
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,280
How do you sleep at night?
149
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:09,860
In the nude with your sister.
150
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,380
Okay, okay. All we're going to do is
we're going to go in there, we're going
151
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:18,960
get our money, and then we're going to
get out.
152
00:12:20,060 --> 00:12:21,580
So be calm.
153
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,160
Don't worry about me.
154
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,720
What's that in my veins? Oh, it's ice
water.
155
00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:28,580
Hey, Mr. Iceman.
156
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:32,480
Stay close.
157
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:37,300
Hey. Hi, welcome to Lazy Al's. We're too
darn lazy to raise our price.
158
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,300
Stay down!
159
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:41,320
We're locked in!
160
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,960
It opens in, sir.
161
00:12:44,340 --> 00:12:45,340
Just pull it.
162
00:12:58,800 --> 00:12:59,800
Return this for cash.
163
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,660
Okay, can I see a receipt?
164
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:06,040
Oh, I think I can scare one up.
165
00:13:12,060 --> 00:13:14,520
Okay, there's a problem.
166
00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:22,880
Aside from this frozen tater tot, the
167
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:26,200
serial numbers on this DVD player and
this receipt don't match.
168
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,860
the customer's always right. That goes
out the window when they're trying to
169
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:31,860
us off.
170
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,600
All right, I'm going to call my lawyer,
sir.
171
00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:39,140
One second, please.
172
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:42,760
Yes, I'll hold.
173
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,860
Yes, Johnny Cochran, please.
174
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,340
Sir, that's a price scanner.
175
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:04,760
right now, I won't call the police.
176
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,060
It opens in, sir.
177
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:41,830
We're just talking man stuff. Yeah, you
know, I was going to do some measuring
178
00:14:41,830 --> 00:14:45,450
and stuff. I was thinking maybe, I don't
know, I'll change the garage into a
179
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:47,930
study for my books.
180
00:14:49,390 --> 00:14:51,530
Why? Is the rack next to the toilet
getting too small?
181
00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:55,630
What's this?
182
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:59,370
Oh, that's the DVD player.
183
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:04,290
Oh, really? That's funny because the
girls are in the house watching a DVD
184
00:15:04,290 --> 00:15:05,290
now.
185
00:15:12,430 --> 00:15:13,430
You want to tell me what's going on?
186
00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:16,770
Dana.
187
00:15:17,010 --> 00:15:18,210
What? Oh, come on.
188
00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:21,330
This is the only reason I really come
over here. You think I like to watch him
189
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:22,330
eat?
190
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:28,450
All right.
191
00:15:28,770 --> 00:15:29,770
What's going on?
192
00:15:30,870 --> 00:15:35,450
Well, you know, long story short,
193
00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:38,410
and here we are.
194
00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:43,530
the slightly longer version?
195
00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:47,670
I lost the receipt and bought a new DVD
player and here we are.
196
00:15:49,110 --> 00:15:50,110
Unbelievable.
197
00:15:51,790 --> 00:15:52,790
All right.
198
00:15:53,270 --> 00:15:55,830
I'm standing in front of you totally
vulnerable.
199
00:15:56,510 --> 00:15:58,670
If you want me to take my pants off, I
will.
200
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,470
Why would I want you to take your pants
off?
201
00:16:06,270 --> 00:16:07,270
Just an expression.
202
00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:11,090
Come on. Come on, Cheryl. All right.
203
00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:21,490
pulling any punches i know i know all
right perfect
204
00:16:21,490 --> 00:16:28,490
opportunity to bust you and i can't do
it what do you mean oh i
205
00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:32,870
took the receipt out of the drawer i
wrote a recipe on it and i handed it to
206
00:16:32,870 --> 00:16:33,870
dana
207
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,140
to your web of deceits.
208
00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:02,020
Wait, you got the receipt. I can return
the DVD.
209
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,440
Okay, okay, okay.
210
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,160
Here's where my story gets funny.
211
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:08,200
I burned it.
212
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:10,760
Why?
213
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:14,280
Well, because I knew that sooner or
later you'd find it and then you just
214
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:15,280
it over me.
215
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:19,079
Well, I bought a new DVD player because
I didn't want you to lord it over me. I
216
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,079
didn't want you to put it on that list
of yours. Oh, man.
217
00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:24,440
The amount of time we spend keeping
score is just exhausting.
218
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,000
It is.
219
00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:34,210
What are we doing here? I mean, we're
keeping lists on each other.
220
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:38,070
I mean, there's got to be some good
things on that list or we wouldn't be
221
00:17:38,070 --> 00:17:39,070
married all these years.
222
00:17:39,270 --> 00:17:40,330
I got good things on the list.
223
00:17:40,610 --> 00:17:41,610
Really? Yeah.
224
00:17:41,670 --> 00:17:44,070
What? Oh, here's one.
225
00:17:44,470 --> 00:17:45,550
We'll eat anything.
226
00:17:48,010 --> 00:17:50,590
How about a good thing that's not
insulting to you? Oh, okay.
227
00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:51,850
Oh, I know.
228
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:53,250
Oh, no.
229
00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:54,990
Oh, no.
230
00:17:55,410 --> 00:17:56,650
Oh, no. Cheryl!
231
00:18:01,870 --> 00:18:08,450
a save in this one, but he was a good
father and a loving, devoted husband.
232
00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:09,850
What?
233
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:12,410
It's my widow's list.
234
00:18:13,430 --> 00:18:15,310
It's the kind of stuff I was saving for
your funeral.
235
00:18:16,890 --> 00:18:18,970
You think you're going to live longer
than me?
236
00:18:19,170 --> 00:18:21,630
Jim, you order a side of eggs with your
omelet.
237
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,170
Okay.
238
00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:27,270
Here goes.
239
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:35,160
I'd like to thank you both for coming.
240
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:41,760
I have more friends than that.
241
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:48,880
Since we were married, a day
242
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,900
hasn't gone by that Jim hasn't made me
laugh.
243
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,120
Even if it was at him rather than with
him.
244
00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:00,620
Oh, and he's such a good father. Like,
like...
245
00:19:01,129 --> 00:19:04,050
All the times he stayed up all night
with Ruby when she was sick.
246
00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:08,690
Or when Gracie dropped her teddy bear in
the lake and he jumped in with all his
247
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:11,390
clothes on to save it. I remember that.
248
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:14,970
A brand new roll of Lifesavers ruined.
249
00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:23,370
Anyway, Blank and I would like to invite
you all up to our lavish estate for
250
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:24,470
champagne and caviar.
251
00:19:25,910 --> 00:19:26,910
Who's Blank?
252
00:19:27,110 --> 00:19:28,110
My boyfriend.
253
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,490
Cute doctor who fought so valiantly to
save you.
254
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:36,790
You're too much.
255
00:19:37,450 --> 00:19:38,870
Well, let me ask you something.
256
00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:40,950
Did he kiss like this?
257
00:19:43,570 --> 00:19:47,050
No. No, he didn't. Actually, he kissed
like this.
258
00:20:06,090 --> 00:20:08,930
for that receipt and I just couldn't
find it.
259
00:20:10,230 --> 00:20:12,090
Oh, it's hot in here.
260
00:20:13,570 --> 00:20:14,570
Yes.
261
00:20:22,730 --> 00:20:23,730
Anyway,
262
00:20:26,250 --> 00:20:30,870
so, um, if I don't get $200...
263
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:41,880
Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
264
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:44,520
Yeah.
265
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:45,660
Yeah. Yeah.
266
00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:49,360
Here. Here. And here's the universal
remote on the house. Just take that.
20519
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