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Here we go.
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Happy first birthday, my son.
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Now, this is a Sunday.
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It's a Sunday, but don't be fooled by
the name.
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Because you can have it every day of the
week.
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That's right.
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Make a wish.
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Let me give you some advice. If you're
going to wish for the chicken alias, not
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going to happen.
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Ready? Ready?
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All for you, my son.
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All for me, my son.
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And when you're a little older, we're
going to have beer with this.
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Oh,
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baby.
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Yeah, that's right. Happy birthday, boy.
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It's a little man workbench. You like
that? Look at it. It's got a wrench and
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screwdriver and a saw. You can be just
like that.
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Exposed butt cracks sold separately.
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Somebody's been looking.
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Ew.
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Oh, sorry.
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I didn't see you there.
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Interesting. It's my birthday, too, yet
you didn't see me.
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You only see Kyle.
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Look at that smug smile on his face.
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Oh, he's probably pooping, Andy.
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Oh.
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Great. Hey, everybody, look at me. I'm
pooping.
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I try and make a joke, and he shows me
up.
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All right, Andy, what's going on? I
don't know.
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It's just now that Kyle and I have the
same birthday, which is great.
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Big fan.
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Are we going to celebrate together every
year?
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No.
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Someday you'll die.
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I love Kyle. I guess I just don't want
to share my birthday.
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I'm trying to look at this as an adult,
but it's just that I'm... Big baby.
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You're the baby.
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Andy won. Gracie's in.
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How about this? Why don't we do
something special for you? What would
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I don't know.
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Oh, come on. There must be something.
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Dinner at the Rusty Schooner restaurant
and an 8 .45 viewing of Rollerball at
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the Cineplex and a treat. Surprise me.
No coconut.
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Rusty Schooner. Isn't that the place
with the 72 -ounce steak?
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Oh, Jim.
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Jim, that's four and a half pounds of
meat.
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It's like trying to eat your own head.
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Oh, and if you finish it, they give you
the little metal pin that's shaped like
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an anchor.
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You know what? You go for the pin. I'm
going for the challenge.
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Man against meat.
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So far, I'm undefeated.
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Okay, it's time.
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Hello. For my present for Kyle.
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Oh, look at this, sweetie.
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One custom -painted mural for your
child's room from We World of Wonder.
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Danny, this must have cost a fortune.
Oh, don't worry about it. But, yeah, it
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did. No.
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It's sweet, but it's a little much.
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Oh, come on, Cheryl. He's my boy. Oh,
he's my boy.
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I'm his auntie.
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I know, I know, but you buy these
expensive gifts for the girls. I'm
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you're spoiling me.
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Cheryl,
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she wants to spend the money on the
gift's letter.
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Come on, birthdays are a big deal. Thank
you, Jim.
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You're welcome, Dana.
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More cake?
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Don't mind if I do. No, I mean I want
you to get me some more cake.
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All right.
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Unless Cheryl thinks I'm spoiling you.
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Oh, I'll get it.
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She'll never get the right ice cream to
cake ratio.
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You know what I'm thinking about?
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Oh, let me see.
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Couldn't be that 72 -ounce steak at the
Rusty Schooner, could it?
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No.
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I'm thinking about birthdays and, I
don't know, passages of time, family,
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you know, life just goes by in a blink.
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All right, you got me. I was thinking
about steak.
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You took Dana's side.
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I didn't take Dana's side. It's just how
I felt.
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What are you doing?
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I'm looking for a good, sturdy pair of
steak pants.
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What?
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Cheryl, I'm going to eat a 72 -ounce
piece of meat.
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I need a pair of pants that are up to
the challenge.
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00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,360
Hey, where are those pants that I wear
when I have my winter weight?
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00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,120
You ripped them when you were carrying
your summer weight.
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it with Dana. I keep asking her not to
spend so much, but every birthday, every
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holiday, it's $100, $200 gifts.
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Look, if she's stupid enough to love her
kids as much as we do, she deserves it.
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Hey, remember last
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Halloween I played MC Hammer? Where are
those pants?
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You made them into a tent for the kids.
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Right. I mean, she does love her kids a
lot. Hey, look, it's only money. Yeah.
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Better yet, it's her money.
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Okay. Would you do me a favor?
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Would you pick up the check tomorrow at
Andy's birthday dinner? It would help
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even things out for me. All right.
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But make sure the kids fill up on bread
before they order.
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Of course.
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00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:38,510
Hey, what do you think if I wear this
robe to dinner?
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Oh, I don't know, Jim. What if there's a
breeze?
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No, really. I could put an ascot on.
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With you on my arm, everyone will think
I'm half.
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No, they won't.
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You're right.
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You're not twins.
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But if you were... No, Jim. No, no.
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a 72 -ounce landlubber.
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Yep. And it's about to set sail.
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Abast me, Hardy.
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Requesting an official gold anchor pin.
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Arrgh. We don't have pins. We have
stickers.
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Can we have one?
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No, girl. No, it's a special sticker.
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The only people who get these...
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Well, let's either finish the steak or
keep my pants on. What do you want me to
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do?
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Keep your pants on.
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Oh, here, I'll take that.
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No, no, no, no. Let me get the check.
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I'm not Jim, really. He's my brother.
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All right. You can't argue.
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Yes, I can.
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00:07:38,070 --> 00:07:39,750
Andy, it's Cheryl's brother.
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I'm married to Cheryl.
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I'm going to take the check.
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Whoa!
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Somebody break something?
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It's my pleasure.
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Jim, please, I can afford this. So can
I.
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But this is not a problem for me. What,
do you think it's a problem for me?
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Well, I do make more money than you.
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Give me the check.
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was in my stomach.
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Oh, can you blame it? You ate 72 ounces
of meat.
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00:08:50,690 --> 00:08:53,870
No, Cheryl, I conquered 72 ounces of
meat.
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Can you believe Dana said that tonight?
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She said, I make more money than you.
Well, she does.
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00:09:01,350 --> 00:09:02,350
How do you know that?
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00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:05,390
Because I know what you make and I know
what she makes. Do you really want to
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know? No.
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00:09:06,970 --> 00:09:08,430
Yeah. No.
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Jim.
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She didn't mean anything.
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00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:19,870
nice. No, she wasn't. She was trying to
rub it in my face like she does when she
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buys those expensive gifts for the kids.
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Wait a minute.
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When I said something about those gifts,
I believe you said, it's only money.
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00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:30,410
I say lots of things. I said I was going
to have a Diet Coke tonight. What did I
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have? Six beers.
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00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:32,750
There you go.
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You are a hypocrite.
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You change your mind all the time. You
call it being a woman. I do it. I'm a
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hypocrite? I'm sorry, honey.
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You're a woman.
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Well, this woman is going to go
downstairs and sleep on the couch. Oh,
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00:09:49,470 --> 00:09:50,890
come on. Don't be mad.
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Cheryl, I just ate four and a half
pounds of meat. I'm sleeping on the
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because I love you.
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Drum roll, please.
166
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,780
Ta -da! Wow!
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00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,060
Lena, I love it!
168
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:26,860
Oh, look, look, it's Jack Spratt, 420
Blackwoods, Hey Diddle Diddle, a couple
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00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:30,600
rabbits falling down a hill. This is
great. I'm really proud of how it turned
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00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,120
out. It is. What do you think, Jim?
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00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,660
No, I don't know. I mean, it's nice.
172
00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:39,200
That spoon and that dish running off
together, I mean, it's kind of
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00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:40,600
but...
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beautiful. In fact, it's so beautiful, I
kind of feel like we need to repaint
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Kyle's room before we put it up there. I
mean, don't you think?
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00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,320
Yes.
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00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:50,520
We'll paint Kyle's room. We'll paint
their whole house.
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00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,700
I love gifts that make me do more work.
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00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:57,100
You know, maybe we should put it in the
garage until the room is done. You know,
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I think it'll be safer there.
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Aunt Dana, can we have one for our room?
182
00:11:01,780 --> 00:11:05,640
Please? No, girls. This is Aunt Dana's
special gift for Kyle.
183
00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:07,340
Then can we have a pony?
184
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:09,240
Please?
185
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:10,519
We'll see.
186
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:15,030
Girls, girls, don't go. asking Aunt Dana
for stuff like that. You ask me. I'm
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00:11:15,030 --> 00:11:15,889
your father.
188
00:11:15,890 --> 00:11:17,370
I'll get you what you want.
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00:11:17,670 --> 00:11:18,690
Can you get us a pony?
190
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:19,970
No.
191
00:11:21,070 --> 00:11:22,350
I want it.
192
00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:31,150
Girls, it's not that I don't have the
money for a pony or enough money to take
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00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:32,930
people out to a steak dinner or
whatever.
194
00:11:33,750 --> 00:11:36,990
It's that the best gifts come from here.
195
00:11:37,450 --> 00:11:38,550
Not from here.
196
00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:39,970
From your butt?
197
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,560
No, from my wallet.
198
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:52,700
But what I'm trying to say, girls, is
that the pony isn't important.
199
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,620
What's important is love.
200
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,920
You understand what I'm trying to say,
girls?
201
00:12:14,570 --> 00:12:15,570
made breakfast?
202
00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:17,590
Well, today's kind of a special day.
Why?
203
00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:19,589
Sit down.
204
00:12:19,590 --> 00:12:21,730
Okay. Come on, sit, sit, sit.
205
00:12:22,430 --> 00:12:23,430
Cheryl,
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00:12:23,690 --> 00:12:25,310
I did something wonderful today.
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00:12:25,690 --> 00:12:26,690
Oh, my God.
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00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:30,170
What do you say that for? You don't even
know what I'm going to say.
209
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:33,070
Well, honey, that's the last time you
did something wonderful. I ended up with
210
00:12:33,070 --> 00:12:34,790
60 rotting tires in the backyard.
211
00:12:35,290 --> 00:12:38,730
Cheryl, Rubber Circle Fun Land was a
great idea.
212
00:12:40,810 --> 00:12:43,410
But this idea is better.
213
00:12:46,380 --> 00:12:47,500
I got the girls a pony.
214
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:50,440
What?
215
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,480
Oh, tell me it's just for the day.
216
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,400
You bought a pony?
217
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,300
No, Cheryl.
218
00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:00,640
We bought a pony.
219
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,420
I put your name on the card.
220
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:04,800
Oh.
221
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:11,580
What?
222
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:13,520
That's not a pony.
223
00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:15,060
Not a pony donkey.
224
00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:16,550
The girls aren't going to be able to
tell the difference.
225
00:13:18,570 --> 00:13:21,010
Besides, do you know how much a pony is?
226
00:13:21,850 --> 00:13:22,910
Like $1 ,500.
227
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:25,910
I got this pony for a deal.
228
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:28,390
All right, stop calling it a pony.
229
00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:30,630
How much was it?
230
00:13:31,170 --> 00:13:32,170
$300.
231
00:13:32,630 --> 00:13:36,030
Down from $500, he still kicks, you
know. What?
232
00:13:37,190 --> 00:13:38,190
I'm going to train him.
233
00:13:38,830 --> 00:13:40,630
You are going to train a donkey?
234
00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:44,970
Cheryl, come on. Doggies are very smart
animals. It's the movies that make them
235
00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:45,970
look stupid.
236
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:48,670
Besides, look at that. They threw in a
bale of hay.
237
00:13:49,790 --> 00:13:50,870
And it's Derby.
238
00:13:57,650 --> 00:14:00,490
Well, he calms down. I'm going to put
him on. I'm a little scared.
239
00:14:03,150 --> 00:14:04,670
He's got a great personality.
240
00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:06,790
And his name is Paul.
241
00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:09,570
I'm not married to that name.
242
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,990
Speaking of being married to an ass.
243
00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:16,350
That's funny. I'm going to use that.
244
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:19,050
There is no way you're keeping that
donkey.
245
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,690
What are you talking about? Why not?
246
00:14:21,270 --> 00:14:22,270
I'll walk him.
247
00:14:22,530 --> 00:14:23,650
I'll take care of him.
248
00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,790
Cheryl, the girls are really going to
love him.
249
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:31,990
And you know what? I think you'd love
Paul, too, if I put this little derby
250
00:14:32,950 --> 00:14:34,490
Maybe a big pair of sunglasses.
251
00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:43,730
Paul?
252
00:14:45,110 --> 00:14:49,430
Oh, my God, Dana's mural is ruined.
253
00:14:50,630 --> 00:14:53,450
All right, Cheryl, this is where the
training starts.
254
00:14:54,270 --> 00:14:56,330
Come on, help me rub his nose in it.
255
00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:16,310
Nice going, Cheryl.
256
00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:20,630
This will blow over, Paul.
257
00:15:29,170 --> 00:15:30,210
Not my fault.
258
00:15:31,370 --> 00:15:32,650
It was Paul's.
259
00:15:34,590 --> 00:15:35,590
Paul.
260
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:37,930
You know what? You should have named
him.
261
00:15:42,290 --> 00:15:43,990
Donkey Hotey.
262
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:49,780
Don Quixote?
263
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:51,860
Man of La Mancha?
264
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:53,300
No?
265
00:15:56,980 --> 00:15:58,520
Who? How about Mr. Applesauce?
266
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:06,460
Oh, she's so upset. You know, she was
really proud of that mural.
267
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:08,480
Yeah, I know.
268
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:12,360
But you know what? In a way, it's kind
of funny.
269
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,500
David spent $500 on a mural for her only
nephew, and now it's ruined.
270
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:19,250
own a donkey.
271
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:20,630
How is that funny?
272
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:23,010
Well, I'd tell it better than that.
273
00:16:26,350 --> 00:16:31,110
Oh, I think he's lonely. I'm going to
keep him company.
274
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:33,910
Coming, Mr.
275
00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:35,270
Applesauce!
276
00:16:36,210 --> 00:16:37,470
His name is Paul.
277
00:16:38,350 --> 00:16:39,470
Give him his dignity.
278
00:16:42,010 --> 00:16:46,410
Hey, when Dana comes out of the
bathroom, I think you really need to
279
00:16:46,410 --> 00:16:47,410
her. Why?
280
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,060
I didn't kick the mural and pee on it.
281
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,140
Well, you got me there, Jim.
282
00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:57,980
However, you did buy the donkey because
you wanted to prove that you could spend
283
00:16:57,980 --> 00:17:00,440
money, too, because you were threatened
by the fact that my sister makes more
284
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,440
money than you.
285
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,140
What are you talking about?
286
00:17:04,579 --> 00:17:05,760
There you go again.
287
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,079
Confusing the issue to take the blame
off of yourself.
288
00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:14,619
Me? What did I do?
289
00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:16,140
You don't know?
290
00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:22,190
a favor and pick up the check for Andy's
dinner?
291
00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:25,630
What does that have to do with a donkey
in our garage?
292
00:17:25,890 --> 00:17:30,150
Cheryl, if you can't draw a straight
line from a steak dinner to a donkey in
293
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,550
garage, then I can't help you.
294
00:17:33,930 --> 00:17:34,930
All right, you guys.
295
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:38,050
I think I'm just going to go home. I'll
see you later. Bye -bye.
296
00:17:39,910 --> 00:17:40,910
Go, go.
297
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,320
That donkey is an ass.
298
00:18:04,820 --> 00:18:05,860
Cheryl gave me that.
299
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,900
She also, you know, put the mural in the
garage.
300
00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:16,060
But you know what? We're big enough. We
can both forgive her. Jim, this isn't
301
00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:17,019
about the mural.
302
00:18:17,020 --> 00:18:19,740
You're threatened because a woman makes
more money than you.
303
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,100
What is with you and Cheryl?
304
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,880
I am not threatened by women making more
money than me. Come on, I know that.
305
00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:28,260
I mean, there's Oprah.
306
00:18:28,820 --> 00:18:30,420
There's Madonna.
307
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:34,440
There's that blonde lady who makes
lampshades out of apples.
308
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:35,719
Martha Stewart?
309
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:36,719
Okay.
310
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,680
So then what is your problem?
311
00:18:39,340 --> 00:18:41,480
I'll tell you what my problem is, Dana.
312
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,280
It's what you said the other night.
313
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,960
I make more money than you.
314
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,680
In front of my kids.
315
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:53,160
Dana, that's why they're coming up to
you and asking you for stuff.
316
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:54,960
Instead of me, their father.
317
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,300
I'm the head of the family.
318
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,400
And when you said that, it just...
319
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,940
Cut me off at the meetings. All I wanted
to do was pay for dinner.
320
00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:04,260
David, that's fine.
321
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,840
But it's just the way you did it.
322
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,160
It made me feel about this big.
323
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:11,700
Wait a minute.
324
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,640
Are you saying that I hurt your
feelings? No!
325
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,460
I'm just saying you make me feel bad
inside.
326
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,160
Jim, of course you're the head of this
family.
327
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:29,380
You take care of everybody. You even...
328
00:19:29,590 --> 00:19:30,630
Take care of me and Andy.
329
00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:32,550
Well, then I had no choice.
330
00:19:33,490 --> 00:19:34,890
You guys were thrust at me.
331
00:19:37,230 --> 00:19:38,590
All right, I see what happened.
332
00:19:38,830 --> 00:19:40,690
You do? Yeah, I shouldn't have said that
thing.
333
00:19:41,830 --> 00:19:42,830
I'm sorry.
334
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:46,750
Thank you.
335
00:19:47,510 --> 00:19:50,790
I'm not going to stop buying stuff for
your kids, though. No, no, I want you to
336
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:51,850
keep doing that. All right.
337
00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:56,450
Actually, you know what they really
want? I heard them talking.
338
00:19:56,690 --> 00:19:57,690
What?
339
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,220
That DirecTV with the sports package?
340
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,480
Really?
341
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,020
Ruby has been chattering about it.
342
00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:07,940
Something about international soccer.
343
00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:11,540
So are we okay?
344
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,080
Yeah. Should we hug?
345
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:15,760
No. We're okay.
346
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:21,440
Listen, the mural? Yeah. I want to pay
for it.
347
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:22,740
What?
348
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:25,680
Between a steak dinner and a donkey
pony?
349
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:31,730
I'm just a little tapped out right now.
Yeah, that's okay. I can afford it. I
350
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:32,730
make more money than you.
351
00:20:34,910 --> 00:20:36,950
Oh, come on. I didn't stay in front of
anyone.
352
00:20:37,790 --> 00:20:39,670
I was this close to hugging you.
353
00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:43,810
Hey, you guys, you've got to check this
out.
354
00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:02,550
needs to find a girlfriend.
355
00:21:03,050 --> 00:21:04,250
I think you just did.
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