All language subtitles for Trading.Places.1983.720p.PLEX.WEB-DL.AAC.2.0.H.264-PiRaTeS

(CHATTERING)

Your breakfast, sir.

Pork bellies.

I have a hunch
something very exciting
is going to happen

in the pork belly
market this morning.

Will Miss Penelope be dining
with you this evening, sir?

Yes. Yes, she will.

Good morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Morning, Folsey.

Morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Morning.

Morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Morning.

Morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Morning.

Morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Morning.

Morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Good morning.

Good morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Morning.

Good morning, Mr. Winthorpe.

Morning.

Pork bellies.
I knew it. I knew it!

Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

Morning,
Mr. Duke.

Good morning,
Mr. Duke.
Good morning, Mr. Duke.

WOMAN: Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

WOMAN: Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

When do we sell?

I just cannot believe
how stupid
these scientists are.

"The eternal question."

There is no question.
The answer's obvious.

I don't care
about heredity
versus environment.

In fact, I'm sick and tired
of hearing it.

I care about
how much money we can get
for our pork bellies.

Winthorpe put in a sell order
for 76 and a quarter.

His charts say
that's as high
as it's gonna go.

It'll never get that high.
Let's sell now.

Patience, Mortimer.

Let's see
if Winthorpe's right.

Winthorpe's wrong.
It's topped out.

I say we sell now.

Just another few seconds.

The market's closing.
We won't get the order in.

We just made
an extra $347,000.

Get me Winthorpe.

Well, of course I never
had an instant of doubt

in my mind, Mortimer.

Oh, yes,
I'm sure a lot of people
went belly-up on that one.

I'll see you at the club.

(WHISTLING)

Morning,
Mr. Duke.

Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!

Thank you very much.

Vietnam did this to me,
but I'm not bitter,
thank you.

Merry Christmas!
Happy Hanukkah?

Yeah, how're you doing?
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

Spare a poor war veteran
some change?

I'm on my knees for life.

I have no money to give you.

Please, anything.
A quarter.

Anything,
just a couple of dollars.

Anything, a quarter,
a nickel, please.

Hey, man, I really
don't appreciate this.

I don't care what it is.

Smoked ham, anything.
Some crackers.

Thanks a lot.

How'd you like
a stump up your ass?

Stay out of here!

You got a lot of soul.
I appreciate it.

Listen to this.

"Expect this stagnation
to continue

"until the Department
of Agriculture's
January crop report."

Exactly as we thought,
Randolph.

Wrong. Quite wrong. Untrue.

They've given
this genetics fellow
the Nobel Prize.

The man doesn't know
the first thing
about human nature.

Randolph. We're about to
make millions of dollars
in frozen orange juice

and you're talking to me
about human nature.

Money isn't everything,
Mortimer.

Oh, grow up.

Mother always said
you were greedy.

She meant it
as a compliment.

Ezra, right on time.

I'll bet you thought
I'd forgotten
your Christmas bonus.

There you are.

$5. Maybe I'll go
to the movies

by myself.

Half of it is from me.

Thank you, Mr. Mortimer.

Gentlemen.

Looking good, Louis.

Feeling good, Todd.

We need a fourth
for squash today, Louis.
Are you interested?

No can do.
I'll be having dinner
with Penelope tonight.

Oh, lucky you.

It's not luck. Todd.

(MOCKING)

Randolph, Mortimer.

Winthorpe, my boy,
what have you got for us?

Well, it's that time
of the month again.

Payroll checks
for our employees,

which require
your signatures.

And no forgetting
to sign the big ones.

We seem to be paying
some of our employees
an awful lot of money.

Can't get around
the old minimum wage,
Mortimer.

$50,000 to Clarence Beeks!
Who the hell...

(CLEARS THROAT)

I meant to ask you
about that.

I went through
personal records thoroughly

and there doesn't
seem to be

a Clarence Beeks
employed with the firm.

(COUGHING)

Oh, oh.

Clarence Beeks.
Oh, yes, of course.

He's doing something
top secret for us.

Research.

How is Penelope?

Never forget
she's our grandniece,
Winthorpe.

You'd better make
an honest woman of her.

Well,
I'll certainly try, sir.

Actually,
the wedding invitations
go out this week.

Good. Good work, Winthorpe.

Don't worry about this,
Winthorpe.

I'll take care of
this one personally.

Goodbye, Winthorpe.

Goodbye, Winthorpe.

Winthorpe is
a very steady young man.

We're lucky to have him
managing our firm for us.

Oh, hogwash. Exeter,
Harvard, he's the product
of good environment.

It's got nothing to do
with environment.

With his genes,
you could put
Winthorpe anywhere

and he's gonna
come out on top.

Breeding, Randolph,
same as in race horses.

It's in the blood.

Hey, baby,
what's happening?

How you doing?

Once you have
a man with no legs,
you never go back, baby.

I know
what you're thinking.

You seen
Porgy and Bess?

We can make it, baby.
Me and you.

You bitch!

Who's that?
Who's there?
What you want?

Police.
We've had some complaints

about con men
pretending to be
blind and crippled.

Oh, I'd love
to help you, man,

but I ain't seen nothing
since I stepped
on that landmine

in Vietcong back in '72.

It was rough,
very painful.

You were in Nam?
So were we. Where?

I was in Sang Bang,
Dang Gong.

I was all over that place,
basically a lot of places,
a lot of places.

What unit were you in?

I was with
the Green Berets,

Special Unit Battalion's
Commando Airborne Tactics

Specialist Tactics
Unit Battalion.

Yeah, it was
real hush-hush.

I was Agent Orange.
That was my name,
Agent Orange.

Special Agent Orange,
that was me.

Airborne, huh?

I can see! I can see!

I have... I have legs.

I have...
Oh shit, look at this.

Man! I can walk.

Jesus, praise Jesus.

I appreciate this.
Oh, this is beautiful.

I can't believe...
Thank you.

I just don't know
what to do. It's...

Glory be to God.
Praise Jesus.

Look at me.

This is too much.
I can't believe it.

You're beautiful.
Listen, I can't thank you.

First Moses, now this.
God, Jesus...

Oh, baby, look at me.

I'm so happy. Oh, God.
Look at me, this is too much.

What a happy day.
What a happy day!

Really,
I appreciate it, y'all.

Okay now.
All right.
Look at this.

I can walk.
I don't know
what to say.

I'll be all right.
Take it easy.

You're beautiful,
both of you all,
the two of you.

How're you doing?

Oh, I'm sorry
about that, man.

Stop, thief.

Help, help!

What are you
talking about, man?

Don't shoot.
Take it, take it.

Please don't kill me.
I'm getting married.

Hey, I don't want
your bag, man.

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Help!

He's in there. After him.

Excuse me.

Watch out.
He probably
has a weapon.

WINTHORPE: Stop him.
He has my briefcase.

Stop him! Stop him!

He's inside.
That boy's crazy.

WINTHORPE:
He's escaping. Get him.
Shit.

MAN 1: Look at him.
MAN 2: Get out of the way.

Get him.
He's getting away.

There he is.
That's him.
Get him. Get him.

He's under the table.
Somebody go under there.

Somebody get
down there.

Right there.
Right there.
There he is.

Is there a problem, officers?

What in heaven's name
is going on here?

He tried to rob
the payroll, Randolph.

He attacked me
in broad daylight.

I didn't do
nothing, man.

This guy
bumped into me.

I did not.
You knocked me down

and tried to
grab my briefcase.

Yeah, but it was
an accident, man.

An accident, really?

What's going to happen
to this man?

We're gonna
book him

on assault, attempted robbery
and resisting arrest.

Well done, Winthorpe.

Hey, man, I'm innocent.
This guy bumped into me.

I was trying to
give him his briefcase
back to him.

Shit,
I can't be going to jail

'cause some asswipe
ain't watching
where he's going.

Officer, I would like
to press full charges.

People like this are
a menace to decent society.

You're from a broken home,
of course?

It was broke. So what?

You have a history
of juvenile arrests,
I presume?

Drug abuse, reform school,
state prisons and all that?

I ain't talking
to this guy.
I want a lawyer.

Is there a lawyer
in the house?

(CLEARS THROAT)

That man is a product
of a poor environment.

There's
absolutely nothing wrong
with him, I can prove it.

Of course there's
something wrong with him.

He's a Negro!

Probably been stealing
since he could crawl.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)

Given the right surroundings
and encouragement,

I'll bet that
that man could run
our company

as well as
your young Winthorpe.

Are we talking
about a wager, Randolph?

I suppose
you think Winthorpe,

say if he were
to lose his job,

would resort to
holding up people
on the streets?

No, I don't think
just losing his job

would be enough
for Winthorpe.

I think we'd have to heap
a little more misfortune

on those narrow shoulders.

If he lost his job
and his home

and his fiancee
and his friends,

if he were somehow disgraced
and arrested by the police

and thrown in jail, even,

yes,
I'm sure he'd take to crime
like a fish to water.

You'd have to put him
in the wrong surroundings,
of course,

with the worst
sort of people.

I mean real scum, Randolph.

We've done it before.

This time
it's in a good cause.

How much
do you want to bet?

The usual amount.

Why not?

You're so brave, Louis.

Someone has to take a stand
against criminals like that.

But he could have killed you.

In such a situation,
you have no time to think.

Instinct takes over.

It's either kill
or be killed.

Did Louis tell you
what he did today?

Mr. Louis was kind enough

to share this
afternoon's excitement
with me, Miss Penelope.

You're so hot-tempered,
darling.

I would have
groveled on the ground
and begged for mercy.

(WHISPERS)
I want you, Louis, now.

Coleman.

Sir?

I think we'll take our drinks
in the living room,
by the fire.

No dessert, sir?

You have it.

Thank you, sir.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mr. Duke, sir.
A what?

A scientific experiment.

Well, not at all, sir.
No, I...
It all sounds very

original.

Well, it's your house, sir,
and I work for you.

I shall make
the necessary arrangements.

And a very good night
to you, sir.

What a scumbag.

Mumsy wants
to have a party for us
right after New Year's.

January 2nd,
is that good for you?

A-okay with me, hon.

Darn nice of her, too.

Oh, heck.
2nd of January.

Can't do it, boo.

Oh, Louis.

It's the day
the crop reports
come out.

What do those stupid
old crop reports

have to do with
Mumsy's party?

Well, it's
the busiest time of the year
in the office, sugar puff.

It's just not fair.
Why can't you make them
do it another day?

Oh, no.

The Department of Agriculture
gets those estimates

from all over the country.

Pork bellies, soybeans,
frozen orange juice.

I suppose
I'll just have to
ask Todd to take me.

Now, wait just a minute.
If you think

I'm going to let
that playboy...

Just teasing, Winthorpe.

You know something,
Witherspoon?

What?

We are going to make
a great couple.

We're going to
have a great life.

Excuse me, sir.

What is it now,
Coleman?

Will you be
needing me any more,
this evening, sir?

No, I think I have
everything I want.

Good night, sir.

See, I had to keep
the dude under
tight surveillance, man.

That's why I'm wearing
these bummy clothes.

I had to make sure
the dude had his payroll

before I made my move.

Tell us
how you cut him.

Hey, I ain't cut him
with no knife, man.

But you told me
last night
you cut the dude.

It's with these
I cut him.

I am a chain belt
in kung fu.

Bruce Lee was my teacher.
Watch this.

(YELLING)

That's called
the Quart of
Blood technique.

You do that,
a quart of blood will drop
out a person's body.

Tell how you
beat on the cop.

Wasn't no cop, man.
It was cops.

Plural.
Nine, ten cops.

I beat the shit
out of ten cops

and had to change
my whole strategy around.

Yo, when they
brought you in here
and booked you,

you was crying
like a pussy.

Yeah.

That's 'cause
as one of the cops fell,
he threw tear gas in my face.

And that's the kind of shit
they use on crowds, man.

And I still walked
in here like a man,

so get out of my face,
all right?

I mean,
you beating up on a man,

you putting a man
in the hospital.

How come I don't
see no marks on you?

Yeah.

'Cause I'm a karate man,
all right?

Karate men
bruise on the inside.

They don't show
their weaknesses.

But you don't know that

'cause you're a big Barry
White-looking motherfucker.

Now get off my back,
all right?

I wish my bitches'd hurry up
and get here.

I ain't got no time
to be sitting inside this cell
with you...

Where is your bitches,
Mr. Big-Time Pimp?

Yeah.

Didn't I tell
you that the phone
in my limousine is busted

and I can't get in contact
with my bitches?

Yeah, the phone in
the limo is busted.

What are you,
ignorant?

Hey, look,
sit down, all right.

It ain't cool
being no jive turkey
so close to Thanksgiving.

Hey, now...

You boys don't know
what you're doing,
I can see that already.

Do you know who
you're fucking with?

Do you know who
you're fucking with?

Back the fuck up.
Back up.

Do you know who
you're fucking with

in cell number 4
on the ninth floor?

Billy Ray Valentine?

Yes.

Move it.

You made bail.

I did?

COP: Where are you going?
What do you think? You crazy?

Get up there.

You don't know who
you're messing with, boy.

You stay still.

May I suggest using
a night stick, Officer?

Get out of here.

Mr. Valentine?

Could you spare us
a moment?

Hey, man,
don't I know you two guys?

Step inside,
nice and warm in here.

Whiskey, all you want.

Hey, look, man,
I ain't falling

for the same trick twice,
all right?

What you gonna do,
get me in the car

and have me arrested
for stealing it?

Why should we do that,
Mr. Valentine?

We're the ones
who bailed you out.

Say, man, who are y'all?
What y'all want with me?

We want to help you,
Mr. Valentine.

My brother and I run
a privately funded program,

to rehabilitate
culturally disadvantaged
people.

We'd like to supply you
with a home of your own,
a car,

a generous bank account,
and employment
with our company.

We're going to start you
at $80,000 a year.

$80,000?
Hmm.

Excuse me.

This is a practical joke,
right, bro?

Then these dudes are
a couple of faggots
then, huh?

Well,
what's my next move, man?

Thank you,
you've been helpful.

What about the police
and the payroll?

We've had
the charges dropped,
Mr. Valentine.

You're a free man,
Valentine.

We can stop right now
and you can walk out
on us forever.

No. No, I believe
I can hang out

with you fellas
for a little while.

Excellent.
I'm Randolph Duke.

How you doing, Randy.
What's happening?

My younger brother,
Mortimer.

Hey, Morty!
What it is?
How you doing?

Billy Ray Valentine,
Capricorn.

Randy,
that's like Randy Jackson
from the Jackson 5, right?

Yes. Yes, I suppose so.

Yeah, yeah.

Here we are, William.

How you doing?

Hey, Randy, Morty.
This is nice. I like this.

William...

Billy Ray.

William, this is Coleman.

He'll look after
your day-to-day needs.

Can I relieve
you of those, sir?

You get a glass,
I'll give you a sip,
man.

Perhaps your coat, sir?

Yes, this is my coat.

Coleman is here
to take care of you.

He is your servant.

May I take it?
Get out of here, man.

Valentine very badly wants
to take a hot bath

and to get into
something comfortable.

Don't you, Valentine?

Jacuzzi, sir?

You see, man, I knew
you all was faggots, man.

You'll be Jacuzzi nobody.

It's a whirlpool bath, sir.
I think you'll enjoy it.

(EXCLAIMS)

Bubbles, man. Say, man,
when I was growing up,

we want a Jacuzzi,
we had to fart in the tub.
This is bad.

(VALENTINE SINGING)

What's he doing
in there?

He's singing, sir.

They're very musical people,
aren't they?

What shall I do
with his clothes, sir?

Send them to the laundry.

He'll have to have something
to wear back to the ghetto

after I've won our bet.

Well, William,
what do you think?

I like it, Randy.
It's very nice.

I like the way
you have the mirrors

and stuff
hooked up over there.

It's very pretty.
I like that.
I like that mirror.

I don't think
he understands,
Randolph.

Oh, but, Morty,
I do understand.

William.
Yes.

This is your home.
Uh-huh. Right.

It belongs to you.

Yeah, all this is mine.
I like my home.
It's very nice.

I have very nice
taste in houses.

Everything you
see in this room
is yours now.

This is my stuff?

Your own
personal property.

Yeah, my own
personal shit.
You understand?

This is mine.
Yeah, I like that.

Yeah,
you know what I like most
about my place, Randy?

The curtains, man.
Look at the curtains.

It's beautiful the way
I got this place set up, man.

This is something else.
I like it.

The cabinets and whatnot.

Beautiful.
I suppose you're gonna

just give me this TV
set for free, Randy?

That's right.
Everything in here
is mine, huh?

Oh, I guess
the stereo's mine free too?

Absolutely.

This is too much
for me, man.

You know, I can
really dig this, Randy.
You know why?

This kind of
thing happens to me
every week.

This is your house.

These are your
personal possessions.

You will only be
stealing from yourself.

Look, first you throw
my ass in jail, right?

Then you go and
drive me out here

and start running
some garbage to me

about this is my house,
this is my personal rug.

And then you go
and tell me this is
my personal slave too.

I understand how
you feel, William,

but the fact remains,
all this is yours.

You may do with it
whatever you wish.

This is my stuff
and my place, huh?

I can do what I want
with this stuff, right?

This is my vase here, right?

This is Billy Ray's
vase, right?
I own this vase.

And I can play like
Harlem Globetrotters
shit with it, right?

Okay, you want
Meadowlark Lemon
shit, right?

Hey, man, I'm sorry
about that.

Perfectly all right, William,
it was your vase.

That's a cheap vase, man.
That was a fake, right?

I think we paid
$35,000 for it.

But I seem to remember

we estimated its value
at $50,000 for
the insurance company.

(RANDOLPH LAUGHING)

You see, Mortimer?

William has already made us
a profit of $15,000.

You want me to
break something else?

ALL: No.

Excuse me.

I just hope we're
not pushing our luck,

using Mr. Beeks for this,
as well as
for the crop report.

We are involved
in a very important

scientific experiment,
Mortimer,

and Mr. Beeks has
always proven reliable.

(GONGING)

Excuse me. Sorry.

Hello, Todd. Gents.

Gentlemen.
There is something rotten
in the Heritage Club.

Something that
has never raised
its vile head

in the 208 years of
the club's history.

There is a thief,

and he's sitting here
among us.

Not an ordinary thief
like the man

Winthorpe had the guts
to stand up to yesterday.

No, this man is
a hundred times lower.

I'd like to introduce
Mr. Beeks
of Lyndhurst Security.

Thank you.
I'd like to ask you
gentlemen to all stand up.

I'd like to ask you
to place your left hand
on the shoulder

of the man
to your left.

I would now ask you

to place your right hand

in the coat pocket
of the member
to your right.

And empty the contents
of those pockets
onto the table.

Thank you.

You may sit.

We marked three $50 bills
with red X's.

Less than 10 minutes ago

those bills were stolen
from a coat in the cloakroom.

One of our operatives
witnessed the theft.

Now, wait a minute.
I've never seen this money
before in my life.

Randolph, Mortimer,
this is outrageous.

What are you doing?
I haven't done
anything wrong.

Oh, Winthorpe.

I'm glad your parents
are not alive to see this.

What? No, wait, now this
is totally preposterous.
This is insane.

I have no reason to steal.
No, wait, I'm not a thief.

I demand a fair hearing.

You can at least
grant me that.

Someone planted
that stuff on me.

(PHONE RINGING)

(WHISPERING)

You realize
you're making
a grave mistake.

Boy, are you two
going to be sorry.

Do you know who I am?

Yeah, Winthorpe, Louis III.

I know, I know.
I'm permitted
two phone calls.

Just point me
to the phone.

Take off your clothes.

Now, wait a minute,
I know my rights.

Take off your clothes.

You are making
a career decision here.

Now, you'd better
think about it,

because it's something
that you're going
to have to live with

for the rest of your life.

Strip, you little shit,
before I tear you
a new asshole.

Did you hear what
this man said to me?

Now, I have witnesses.

This man is
physically threatening me.

Winthorpe.

Louis III.

All right.
One gold watch.

One alligator skin wallet.

Master Charge,
American Express Gold Card.

Visa,
Diners Club Carte Blanche.

Two tickets.

La Boheem.
La Boheme.It's an opera.

It's an opera.

One cellophane bag.

That's not mine.

I've never seen that
before in my life.

That's PCP, phencyclidine.
Angel dust.

You ever seen
what this stuff does to kids?

You are looking
at three to five,
mandatory, Louis.

(CAMERA FLASHES)

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

(SHOUTING)

What's happening, Terry?

Give me a bottle
of your best champagne.

You got a lot of nerve,

showing your face around here
after all this time.

Look, man,
I got your money.

I got your poor, measly $27
with interest.

Billy Ray, honey.
Is that you?

Who you think it is?

Terence, get the lady
some champagne.

In fact,
champagne for everybody,

courtesy of
Billy Ray Valentine.

ALL: All right!

All right!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

That's sweet of you.

A toast to Billy Ray, huh?

VALENTINE: Well,
I'm a sexy man.

I'm very sexy, see.

And people will come and say,
"Billy Ray, you're so sexy,"

and not understand
my sexuality.

I know.
I'm a very sexy...

You was in the tank
last night,
bragging on your limousine.

You're the motherfucker
I was gonna carve.

Yeah.

Motherfucker?Moi?

That just happens to be
my limousine outside.

Why don't you go
take a look at it?

Right outside?

Yeah.

You took care
of him, baby.

I was gonna kick his ass.
Were you going to?

I should have kicked it,
but I'm a peaceful man.

Look, ladies,
it's about time
for me to get home.

But if any of you ladies
want to drop by my house
for cocktails,

there's plenty of room
in my limousine.

Limousine!

Come on, everybody.

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

You're looking so fine,
Billy Ray.

Thank you very much.

Hey, yo, cuz,
if you gonna vomit,
the bathroom's downstairs.

No, it's downstairs, man.

Shit!

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

That's a Persian rug.
It's Persian, from Persia.

Hey. Hey, what is this?

What is this shit here?

Hold up! Hey,
who's been putting out
their Kools on my floor?

Who has been putting out
their Kools on my floor?

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey.

Have you people
ever heard of coasters?

Would you like me
to prepare some more
hors d'oeuvres

for the guests, sir?

Fuck them.

Hey, Coleman,
there was more people
in this room here before.

Where'd they go?

I believe some of them
have adjourned upstairs, sir.

To my bedroom?

I've been waiting
for you, Billy Ray.

Put your clothes on
and get out of here.

Yeah, that's my girl,
right over there.

Can I have
everybody's attention
please?

Can I have
everybody's attention
please?

(MUSIC STOPS)

Get the fuck out!

MAN: Okay, now, see here.
COLEMAN: Good night, sir.

Good night, madam.
Man.

I hope you enjoyed it.
Dude ain't nothing.

Thank you.

It was a stone groove,
my man.

You are the most
righteous...

Yeah, right.
Just get the fuck out, man.

Let's go.
Shit, come on.

Hurry up.

And be quiet out there.
My neighbors are asleep,
they work too.

Well, your...

Your friends seemed
to enjoy themselves, sir.

I thought it was
a great success.

It wasn't no friends
of mine, Coleman.

It was a bunch
of freeloaders,

treating my house
like it was a goddamn zoo.

Why don't you retire, sir,
and I'll straighten up?

You've got a big day
ahead of you tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, I think I will

retire.

Good night, Coleman.
Thanks, man.

Good night, sir.

Let's go, Winthorpe.

(PHONE RINGING)

Excuse me.

I'll see you later,
we'll have lunch.

How would you like
to make a fast hundred?

I just got out.

Hey, come on.
What are you trying to do,

entrap me right here
in the middle of
the police department?

You guys must be
getting desperate.

No, no, no. This is for...

Is that your purse?

Yes.

That's a nice purse.

Thank you.

Darling,
I'm so glad to see you.

Louis, you're
making a scene.

The good news
is I'm innocent.

I've never even
done anything vaguely

resembling this.
Really. It's the truth.

Louis, you look awful.
I'm so ashamed.

Those clothes
and those shoes

and you've been
fighting and...

And you smell.

I smell?

Penelope, do you realize
where I've been
since yesterday?

They beat me up
and stole my clothes.

Those men wanted
to have sex with me.

Can we discuss this
somewhere else, Louis?

One of them tried
to bend me over this...

I mean,
if this place
is indicative

of the state of
correctional institutions
in this country,

they might as well let
all the convicts out.

It's far worse
on the inside.

Stealing from your friends
at the club, Louis?

Heroin, Louis?
Have you lost your mind?

Mother wants me to
call off the wedding
and so does Todd.

Todd? What does Todd have
to do with it?

You've been fired
from Duke & Duke.

They're preparing
charges against you
for embezzlement.

Embezzlement?
I've never stolen
anything in my life.

How could the man I loved,

whose children
I wanted to have

and breastfeed,
be a heroin dealer?

It wasn't heroin,
it was angel dust,
PCP, and...

Listen, Penelope,
I swear to you, on my honor,

with almighty God
as my witness,

I am not
an angel dust dealer.

Oh, Louis.

(GRUNTING)

I've been looking
everywhere for you,
baby. Listen, Louis...

Would you...
I'm hurting, baby.
I just need a shot.

Please...
Louis.

Who is this person?

I've never seen this woman
before in my life.

Don't say it, Louis.

Come on, baby,
just a dime bag.

I'll do all those things
you like.

You lying, filthy,
disgusting creep.

Todd was right about you.

I never want
to see you again
as long as I live.

Grand! Great!
Thanks a lot.

It was a joke.

Your friend said
it would get you off.

You mean,
someone told you
to do this to me?

Yeah, and he paid me
a hundred bucks, too.

He's right over there.

So let me get this straight,

I'm gonna give you $20
for the cab,

and you're gonna give me $50
when we get to your house?

That is correct.
My butler, Coleman,
will give you $50,

and drive you
anywhere in the city
you wish to go.

You don't exactly look like
the type that has a butler.

You know,
if you're hustling me...

Hustling you?
Hustling you?

You don't think
they give these
to just anyone, do you?

I can charge
goods and services

in over 86 countries
around the world.

Yeah? Well,
I don't take credit cards.

You'll see what
a mistake all this was.

Yes?

Coleman,
could you please let me in?

I'm having trouble
with my key.

Who are you?
What do you want?

Coleman,
just unchain the door

and let me in.
I'm in no mood for jokes.

Coleman?
There's no Coleman here.

You've made a mistake.

Excuse me, for a moment.

Coleman! Let me in!

If you don't go away,
I shall be forced
to call the police.

Hello. I'll be
making a cash withdrawal
for the amount of $500.

Well, in fact,
we'll make it $1,000.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, Mr. Winthorpe,
but the IRS has
frozen your accounts.

What are you talking about?
You know me.

You're a heroin dealer,
Mr. Winthorpe.

It wasn't heroin,
it was angel dust, PCP,

and I never even
had my hands on it.

Regardless,
it's not the kind of business

we want here
at First National.

May I see your
credit cards please?

I've been ordered
to repossess them.

What?

Now, wait a minute,
what am I supposed
to live on?

I mean,
what's going to happen to me?

Roger.

Why is someone
deliberately trying
to ruin my life?

Tell you what.
Forget about the $50, okay?

I'm just real tired.
I'm going home.

You've got to believe me.
You must believe me.

I have been framed.
You can't just leave me here.

I've got enough problems,
Louis.

Come on, come on.

Listen! Wait! Wait.

I have over $150,000
in that bank.

But you don't care
because you helped
them do this to me.

Get off your knees, Louis.

Give me your hand.

Soft hands.

And a manicure.

You haven't done
a hard day's work
in your life, have you?

I'm gonna regret this, but...

Come on. Get in.

I'm going to get to
the bottom of this.

This is about a grave,
grave mistake.

Hey, that look just like
the dude that had me busted.

Sir?

Right there,
he looked just
like the mother...

I mean, he looks just like
the gentleman
that had me busted.

To whom are you referring,
sir?

Right there.
The dude right over there.

Right over there.
That's my car.

Coleman! Coleman,
that's my car!

That's my car!
That's my driver.

There's some strange shit
going on here, Coleman.

You don't want to be late
for your first day
at work, sir.

(BELLS CLANGING)

I mean, what am I supposed
to do in here?

What they want from me?

I'm sure
they'll tell you, sir.

Yeah, what if
I can't do it?

Just be yourself, sir.

Whatever happens,
they can't take
that away from you.

Excuse me, my name is...

Yes, Mr. Valentine,
they're waiting for you

in the last office
down the hall.

William, my boy.
Right on time.

Come in, come in.

Sit down.

No, thanks, guys.
I already had breakfast
this morning.

This is not a meal,
Valentine.

We are here to try
to explain to you
what it is we do here.

We are commodities brokers,
William.

Now, what are commodities?

Commodities are
agricultural products.

Like coffee,
that you had for breakfast.

Wheat, which is used
to make bread.

Pork bellies,
which is used
to make bacon,

which you might find

in a bacon and lettuce
and tomato sandwich.

Then there are
other commodities

like frozen orange juice
and gold.

Though, of course,
gold doesn't grow on
trees like oranges.

Clear so far?

Yeah.

Good, William.
Now, some of our clients
are speculating

that the price of gold
will rise in the future.

And we have other clients
who are speculating

that the price of gold
is going to fall.

They place
their orders with us

and we buy or sell
their gold for them.

Tell him the good part.

The good part,
William, is that,

no matter whether our clients
make money or lose money,

Duke & Duke get
the commissions.

Well, what do you think,
Valentine?

Well, it sounds to me
like you guys are
a couple of bookies.

I told you
he'd understand.

It doesn't take a genius
to figure out what happened.

It's the same guy
who tried to rob
the payroll.

No doubt about it,
that's him.

He planted the drugs
on me.

Rahim, Mohammed, Larry.
How you guys doing?

RAHIM: Hey,
how you doing?

LARRY: Hey,
how you doing, baby?

You know those people?

He was wearing
my Harvard tie.

Can you believe it?
My Harvard tie.

Like, oh, sure,
he went to Harvard.

I mean, if he's being
driven around in my car,

he could actually be
living in my house.

Maybe he's even
taken my job.

You know, for all I know,

right at this moment
he could be
fondling my fiancee.

And Coleman.

After years of service,
this betrayal.

I don't understand it.

There's going to
be retribution.

Oh, he's going to pay.

The things that
I am going to...

Shut up, Louis.

Listen, taxis cost money,

food costs money
and rent costs money!

Now,
you want me to help you out,
I expect a lot in return.

These were here
when I moved in.

Put them on if you want.

Look,
I cannot begin to tell you
how much I appreciate this...

Ophelia.

Ophelia. You realize that
that's the name...

I know, I know, I know.
Hamlet's girlfriend.

He went crazy,
she killed herself.

This is not Shakespeare,
Louis.

Look, I'm 24 years old.

I'm from a small, miserable
little mining town

you probably never heard of.

The only thing
I've got going for me
in this whole big, wide world

is this body, this face,
and what I got up here.

I don't do drugs
and I don't have a pimp.

This place is a dump,

but it's cheap,
it's clean and it's all mine.

I've saved 42 grand
and it's in T-Bills
earning interest.

I figure,
I got three more years
on my back.

I'll have enough
to retire on.

You're a prostitute?

I'm talking about
a business proposition,
Louis.

I help you get yourself
back on your feet

and you pay me,
in cash, five figures.

That's the deal
and it's not
subject to negotiation.

Understood?

By the way,

food and rent
are not the only things
around here that cost money.

You sleep on the couch.

It's hit rock bottom.
Come on, let's buy.

Mortimer Duke here.

Buy 200 May belly
contracts at 66.8.

Put them on my
personal account.

That's a big mistake, man.

Valentine,
something very important
is going on here. Just watch.

All right,
but you all gonna get
reamed on this one.

Why shouldn't
we buy now, William?

Price is going
to keep going down.

Randolph,
this isn't Monopoly money
we're playing with.

This is Randolph Duke.
Hold that belly order
a moment.

Tell me just why
you think the price

of pork bellies is
going down, William.

It's Christmastime.
Everybody's uptight.

Could we please
buy now, Randolph?

All right, if you
want to lose money,
go ahead.

What are you
trying to say, William?

Okay. Pork belly prices
have been dropping
all morning.

Which means
everybody's sitting
in their office

and they're waiting for them
to hit rock bottom

so they can buy cheap
and go long.

So people that own
the pork belly contracts

are going, "Bad shit."

'Cause they're thinking,
"Hey, we're losing
all our damn money

"and Christmas is
around the corner.

"And I ain't
gonna have no money
to buy my son

"the G.I. Joe
with the kung fu grip,"
kay?

"And my wife
ain't gonna wanna...

"My wife ain't
gonna make love to me

"'cause I ain't got
no money," right?

So they sitting there
and they panicking.

They screaming,
"Sell! Sell!"

'Cause they
don't want to lose
all their money, right?

They out there,
panicking right now.
I can feel it.

They out there.
They panicking.
Look at them.

He's right, Mortimer,
my God, look at it.

I'd wait till you
get to about 64,
then I'd buy.

You'll have cleared out
all the suckers by then.

Do you realize how much money
he just saved us?

Money isn't everything,
Randolph.

Advise our clients interested
in bellies to buy at 64.

Mr. Valentine
has set the price.

Well done, William.
Very well done.

Come on, Randolph,
we're gonna be late.

Yo.

Mortimer dropped
his money clip.

You can count it.
It's all there,
all of it.

Thank you, William.

It's all there,
man, count it.

I'm sure it is, William.

Thank you and
keep up the good work.

All right, Randy.
All right.

Nice try, Mortimer.

(SCOFFS)

ALL:♪ Zeta Chi,
Zeta Chi, my friend

♪ 'Neath the elms
we sing our tones

♪ We're brothers to the end

♪ Muffy in the bathroom stall

♪ Margaret by the lake

♪ Susan down in Whitley Hall

♪ Constance on the make

♪ Constance Fry, Constance Fry

♪ Anytime you call

♪ Constance would
fulfill your needs

♪ Winter, spring or fall ♪

What do you think, huh?

That was great,
that was really great.

WOMAN: That's perfect.

TODD: Witherspoon.

...and she stepped
on the ball.

Oh, my God,
I don't believe it.

There you are.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Don't worry,
I'll handle this,
pookums.

Todd, Harry,
Andrew, Philip.

I realize this looks
completely awful

but I just wanted
to assure you,

my friends, that I am
completely innocent.

I'm going to fight
this thing till the end.

Someone is out to get me
and I know who it is.

The important thing is
that I can rely on you,

my friends,
as character witnesses.

I'm going to be
defending myself

and, well, I wondered
if you could
see your way clear

to perhaps advance me
a small loan
until the hearing.

Frankly, Winthorpe,
and I think I speak
for all of us,

I think it shows
incredibly bad taste

for you to come here
and embarrass us all
like this.

I believe I'm still
a member of this club.

Nobody wants to buy
your drugs here, Louis.

Now why don't
you just go away?

Burned my fingers, man.

I beg your pardon?

Man, that watch is so hot,
it's smoking.

Hot? Do you mean
to imply stolen?

I'll give you
50 bucks for it.

50 bucks?

No, no, no.
This is a Rochefoucauld,

the thinnest
water-resistant watch
in the world.

Singularly unique,
sculptured in design,

hand-crafted
in Switzerland

and water-resistant
to three atmospheres.

This is the sports watch
of the '80s.

$6,955 retail.

You got a receipt?

Look, it tells time
simultaneously

in Monte Carlo,
Beverly Hills, London,
Paris, Rome and Gstaad.

In Philadelphia,
it's worth 50 bucks.

Just give me the money.

How much for the gun?

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

So this snail is standing
in front of
the Cadillac salesman, see,

and he looks up
at the salesman

and he says,
"How much
is that Cadillac?"

The snail says,
"I want a big S put
on each door, a big S,

"and on top of the car,
I want another big S

"so everybody can see it."

So the salesman says,
"But what do you
want that for?"

He says, "Well,
you see, when I drive
down the avenue,

"I want everybody to say
'Look at that S car go.'"

"Look at
that S car go."

I'm considering going long
on April wheat.

What do you think,
Valentine?

I can think of three
real good reasons

why you shouldn't do
something like that, Judge.

One, the Russian
wheat harvest isn't

going to be as bad
as everybody thinks.

And two...

And three, judging
from all these jewels

around your
girlfriend's neck here,

I think you'll need
every penny

you've got just
to keep her happy.

(WHISPERS)

103. That's it,
you're staying in bed.

The man has moved
into my house.

He's stolen my job.

I have to do something.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Stay here.

It's 10:00. Here's Johnny.

Listen, baby, I'm sorry.

My mama just came in
from out of town.

Can we do it next week?

Flowers for me?

Thanks.

(COUGHING)

What are you doing?

You've got company.
Business is business.

I'll go for a walk
or something.

The fresh air
will do me good.

Lay down.

I'm sorry you had to
cancel your appointment.

What are you doing?

Ophelia, I can't tell you
how good that feels.

You've been so kind to me.

I'm just protecting
my investment.

That's all.

Shut up and go to sleep.

99 and a half.

You're not getting out of bed,
though, until it's normal.

I feel fine and I've
inconvenienced you enough.

You have work to do
and so do I.

Nobody works
on Christmas Eve.

I'm gonna go shopping

and then I'm gonna come back
and make you
a nice quiet dinner.

Now, read your paper.

Christmas, huh?

I'll give him
a Christmas present
he'll never forget.

(JINGLE BELLSPLAYING)

(ALL CHATTERING)

William,
where've you been?

The party's already begun.

I have some work to finish
in my office, Mr. Duke.

It's Christmas Eve
and William wants
to keep working, Mortimer.

I'll think of you
in Stockholm,

when I accept
the Nobel Prize.

The wager has two parts
as I recall.

Something about
a second party
turning to crime.

Didn't you say
you had some work
to do, Valentine?

Yes sir. I was
wondering about this

$10,000 check to
Mr. Clarence Beeks.

I'll take care
of it, Valentine.

I don't seem to recall
any Clarence Beeks

working for the firm,
Mr. Duke.

It was before you
joined us, Valentine.

We did manage to
stay in business

for 47 years
before your arrival.

Have a drink, William.
Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Duke.

What?
Merry Christmas.

Oh, oh, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

Just what do you
think you're doing?

Randolph! Mortimer!

Come in here quickly!
I've finally caught him!

Who are you?

I've caught him red-handed.

Winthorpe, is that you?

I'm making
a citizen's arrest.

This man is a drug dealer.

Look. Look,
here in his office drawer,

he's got all
the bad drugs here.

Marijuana joints,
pills, Quaalude,

Valium, yellow ones,
red ones,

cocaine grinder,
drug needles.

He's the pusher, not me.

Really, I just came in
and caught this man

planting this stuff
in my desk.

It's obviously
some primitive attempt
to try to frame me.

Frame you? Boy, if that
isn't the pot calling
the kettle black.

This man's
obviously a lunatic.

I'm calling security.

Put that phone down.

Hello, security,
Merry Christmas.

You try to rob me,
plant drugs on me.

You steal my house,
my car, my job.

You know, I ought to
kill him right now.

Hey, look, man,
this is a big
misunderstanding, all right.

I don't know nothing
about your house

and your car and
your job, really.

Could you put the gun away?
Will you ask the Dukes?

Put that gun away
at once, Winthorpe.

Have you lost your mind?

Freeze, slime ball.

RANDOLPH: I realize this
whole experience

must have been
rather unsettling for you.

Winthorpe, don't leave.
We can explain.

Yeah, you'll be sorry.

You'll all be
very, very sorry.

(WINTHORPE SHOUTING)

Poor, deluded creature.
We caught him
pilfering at our club,

embezzling funds,
selling drugs.

Now he's dressing up
like Santa Claus.

Very sordid business.

I can't believe Winthorpe
would fall to pieces
like that.

It's none of my business,
but that guy
belongs behind bars.

He's unemployed, Valentine.

It's no excuse, Mortimer.

He's flat broke,
obviously hungry.

Oh, but he has money
to buy drugs, right?

Listen, you can't be soft
on people like that.

Take it from me.
I know, Randolph.

RANDOLPH: Pay up,
Mortimer, I've won the bet.

Here, $1.

We took a perfectly
useless psychopath
like Valentine,

and turned him
into a successful executive.

And during the same time,

we turned an honest,
hard-working man

into a violently deranged
would-be killer.

Now, what are we going to do
about taking Winthorpe back

and returning Valentine
to the ghetto?

I don't want Winthorpe back
after what he's done.

You mean keep Valentine on
as managing director?

Do you really believe

I would have a nigger
run our family business,
Randolph?

Of course not.
Neither would I.

I do think we should
hold off on switching
them back, though.

Until we get
that crop report,
New Year's Eve, don't you?

Absolutely. No sense
rocking the boat until then.

If Mr. Beeks does
what we paid him to do,

we should have
a very happy New Year.

Indeed.

Hey, Winthorpe!
Winthorpe!

(GRUNTING)

Hey.

Hey, Winthorpe.
Hey, yo, Winthorpe!

Winthorpe. Yo.

Sorry about that.

No, no.

Hey, taxi!

(WATER DRIPPING)

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

(GUN CLICKS)

(GUN FIRING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi, Louis.
Merry Christmas.

Louis. Louis,
when you get out,

I have a big surprise
for you.

Excuse me.
The door was open...

I'm sorry to bother you,
but I'm looking for
a Louis Winthorpe.

Does he live here?

Wait here a minute,
I'll be right back.

Louis. Louis, it's him.
It's Valentine.

Louis. Louis.

Louis.

It was close,
but he's going
to be all right.

Now, make sure
he gets plenty of rest.

And for God's sake,
no excitement.

Thanks, Doc.
Not at all.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.

I'll let myself out,
Coleman. Thank you.
Thank you, Doctor.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

It was a dream.
I dreamt the whole thing.

It was just a bad dream.

Good morning, sir.
Merry Christmas.

Coleman, I had
the most absurd nightmare.

I was poor and
no one liked me.

I lost my job,
I lost my house.

Penelope hated me.

And it was all because
of this terrible, awful Negro.

(YELLS)

Oh, dear!

(CHOKING) It was the Dukes.
It was the Dukes.

You're a dead man, Valentine!

Look, Louis.

It was an experiment.

They used us as
guinea pigs, man.

Dukes used us
as guinea pigs.

To see how our lives
would turn out.

They made a bet.

I'm afraid
it's true, sir.

I believe him, Louis.

The Dukes ruined
my life over a bet?

For how much?

A dollar.

$1.

Fine, that's the way
they want it.

No problem.

You know, you can't
just go around

and shoot people
in the kneecaps

with
a double-barreled shotgun

'cause you're
pissed at them.

Why not?

It's called assault
with a deadly weapon.

You get 20 years
for that shit.

Listen, do you have
any better ideas?

Yeah, you know,
it occurs to me

that the best way
you hurt rich people

is by turning them
into poor people.

You have to admit, sir,
you didn't like it
yourself a bit.

NEWSCASTER:
And now for the news.

Under heavy security,

the crop estimates
for next year's orange crop

are being delivered
from Miami

to the Department
of Agriculture
in Washington, DC.

Louis. Louis, that's him.

That's the guy
who paid me to
talk dirty to you.

In charge of security

is Mr. Clarence Beeks,
head of Lyndhurst Security.

Clarence Beeks!
Clarence Beeks!

The Dukes just gave
that guy 10 grand.

Ten grand? I saw
an outlay in the payroll
to him for $50,000.

Mortimer said
it was for research.

Yeah, research on
how he can get his hands

on that
top secret crop report

two days before
it goes public.

My God.

The Dukes are going to
corner the entire frozen
orange juice market.

Unless somebody
stops them.

Or beats them to it.

Eggnog?

WOMAN: Duke & Duke,
may I ask who's calling?

Duke & Duke,
I'm afraid he's busy.

Can you hold please?

May I help you?

Just a moment, Mr. Beeks,
I'll put you right through.

Operation Strange
Fruit proceeding
according to plan.

I anticipate
penetration and acquisition
at 2100 tomorrow. Hold on.

Fuck off!

When can we expect delivery?

I will be leaving DC
by train.

We'll rendezvous at 2400

at the Hilton hotel,
parking level D, section 4.

That's the orange section.

Orange, I like that.
Very good.

The final payment
is due on delivery
in cash.

Jesus, hey!

Happy New Year!

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

Ever make it
with an ape?

Harvey, haven't you had
enough to drink?

Are you kidding,
it's not even
New Year's Eve.

Come here,
kiss this beautiful ape.

Come on,
give me a little.

Come on, just a little.

MAN ON PA:
Harrisburg express.

Stairway C.

What?

It's my turn to drive.

No, it isn't.

Yes, it is.

Well, I'm sure you
think it is, but it isn't.

MAN 1: No,
don't you remember?

This morning, you drove
the shipment of
anchovy paste.

MAN 2: Yeah,
I drove the anchovy paste,

but you had
the videotape recorders
this afternoon.

Well, I just...
I backed them up
about five feet.

We have to take turns.
Sometimes it's longer,

sometimes it's shorter.
It's my turn now.

No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.

No.

Merry New Year.

Happy New Year.

In this country,
we say, "Happy New Year."

Thank you for
correcting my English,
which stinks.

I am Nanga Eboko,
exchange student
from Cameroon.

(SINGING GIBBERISH)

Beef jerky time.

You want some beef jerky?

No, please.

There's plenty, you know.

This animal's being routed
through to New York.

Its care and
feeding instructions
are on this bill of lading.

Okay, gotcha.

Now, I doubt if
you'll have any problems,
but if you do,

there's a tranquillizer gun
in the first-aid kit.

Oh, yeah?

Say, have you guys
been drinking?

No, sir. Not us.

There's enough drunks
on this train already.

Happy New Year.

Oh, that's kind
of you, son.

And a happy New Year
to you, too.

Could I offer
either of you two gentlemen

a wee jolt of Irish whiskey
to usher in the New Year?

Not for me, pal.

I do not drink.
It is against my religion.

I always say,
religion's a fine thing,
taken in moderation.

Beef jerky?

Oh, no, son,
thank you very much.

No, it gives me the wind,
something terrible.

We are moving!
We are moving!

New York, here we come!

Come in, my child,
join the party.

Let me see now,
you would be from Austria.
Am I right?

No, I am Inga from Sweden.

Sweden?

But you're
wearing lederhosen.

Ja,for sure,
from Sweden.

Please to help me
with my rucksack.

Oh yeah, sure, why not?

(GROWLING)

I'm hungry, man.

I have got to get
something more to eat.

Well, maybe
there's some pretzels
in the bar car.

(CHATTERING)

(CHATTERING)

You're welcome!

Who is that?

Open the door, man.

I'm dressed as
a baggage handler.

You can imagine
how embarrassed I was

when I saw that
there was someone

at the party
with the same costume
I had.

Monkey? Monkey?

I'm a fucking gorilla,
you clown!

(GIBBERING)

I certainly hope
there's enough space
on the train for me.

Nanga, Nanga Eboko,
from Cameroon.

Do you remember me?
It's Lionel Joseph.

Lionel, from the African
Education Conference, right?

Yes, aye, man.
I was director
of cultural events

at the Haile
Selassie pavilion.

I remember the pavilion.
We had big fun there.

(SINGING GIBBERISH)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLARING)

Now that we are all here,
we will have a picnic,ja?

Yeah.

You will help me
get my rucksack down
for the Swedish meatballs.

Remember the one
we did?

Yeah.

(BOTH SINGING GIBBERISH)

The memories.

All day long I could
tell those stories.

Those were
the good ones, man.

The good old days, man.

There you are,
sweet pea.

So the train will be pulling
into Philadelphia soon.

Will you be getting off at
the City of Brotherly Loves,
Mr. Beeks?

Yeah, I will,
but you won't,

Winthorpe.

See if this one's empty.

Hey, back off.

I'll rip out your eyes
and piss on your brain.

Excuse me.
You got it.

All right.
On your feet.
Up, let's go.

Bunch of
fucking weirdoes!

We're going to
take a little walk.

And don't try anything funny
or the whore loses a kidney.
Let's go.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

No, I'm from Sweden.

Hey, beat it.

Hey, I'm King Kong.
I'm the biggest, baddest boy
in the jungle.

Get lost, you maggot.

Hey, who is that guy,
your father or something?

BEEKS: All right,
hold it right here.

WINTHORPE:
Oh, honestly, Beeks.

This is as far as we go.

No more cockamamie
cigar smoke.

No more Swedish meatballs
there, tootsie.

And no more
phony Irish whiskey.

No more
goddamn jerky beef.

The party's over.

The party's over.
Hey, come on.

What do you mean,
"The party's over"?

It's not even 10:00,
you dummy.

Hey, come on.
Loosen up, man.

It's almost
New Year's Eve.

(GROWLING)

Hey, look what
happened to me, huh?

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

Sometimes,
they look so human,
it gives you the creeps.

Boy, that other one's
getting kinda horny,
ain't he?

Think we ought to hit him up
with the tranquillizer gun?

It's New Year's.
Let them have their fun.

(BEEKS GRUNTING)

That black one
must be the female.

Where is he?

Beeks.
Are you there, Beeks?

I'm over here.

That's far enough.

Did you get
the report?

Let's see the money.

Okay, toss it over.

RANDOLPH:
Thank you, Beeks.

Wonderful news.
Wonderful.

Beeks, Happy New Year.

My life savings, sir.
Try not to lose it.

Lose it? Coleman,
in a couple hours,

you're going to be
the richest butler
that ever lived, man.

I worked real hard
for this, Louis.

Hope you know
what you're doing.

Thank you, Ophelia.

What are you doing?

MAN ON PA: 1031...

That's us, Louis.

...en route to
New York and Boston.

Coleman,
would you please.

Thank you.

I could use
a stiff drink.

Would you care
to join me?

Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

Wilson.

Good morning,
Mr. Duke.

Wilson.

Keep the change.

Think big,
think positive.

Never show
any sign of weakness.

Always go for the throat.

Buy low, sell high.

Fear, that's
the other guy's problem.

Nothing you have
ever experienced

can prepare you for
the unbridled carnage

you're about to witness.

The Super Bowl,
the World Series,

they don't know
what pressure is.

In this building,
it's either kill
or be killed.

That's right.
You make no friends
in the pits

and you take no prisoners.
No prisoners.

One minute you're
up half a million

in soybeans,
and the next, boom.

Your kids don't go
to college and they've
repossessed your Bentley.

Are you with me?
Yeah.

We've got to kill
the motherfucker...
We've got to kill them.

We want you to buy
as much OJ as you can,
the instant trading starts.

Don't worry if
the price starts going up,
just keep buying.

But, gentlemen,
they're gonna broadcast

the crop report in an hour,
what if...

Let us worry
about that, Wilson.

Yes, sir.

How's the ulcer, Harry?

Pretty good.
How's the hypertension?

Hasn't bothered me
in months.

(BELL RINGING)

Let's kick some ass.

(ALL CHATTERING)

WINTHORPE: Well, this is it.
The last bastion

of pure capitalism
left on Earth.

Here in New York
they trade everything,
gold, silver, platinum,

heating oil, propane,
cocoa and sugar

and, of course, frozen,
concentrated orange juice.

Now, the people on the phones
are taking orders

from brokerage houses
all over the world.

The runners then hand
those orders to
the traders in the pits.

They're trading
cotton over there.

And that's the silver pit.

Now the Dukes' trader
is going to be

buying like crazy
right from the opening.

VALENTINE: We'll be waiting
until he drives the price up?

Right. I can't wait
to see his face

when they broadcast
that genuine crop report.

OJ trading opens at 9:00.

Let's go kick some butt.

Let's go.

(BELL BUZZING)

102 bid for...
MAN: Sold!

Hey, hey.
The Dukes are trying
to corner the market.

They know something,
I can feel it.

Let's get in on it.

200, taken.

MAN: 130.

200, 200.

Louis!

Not yet, almost.

MAN 1: 220, take them.

MAN 2: 209.

Yeah, yeah, got them.

MAN 3: 139.

Now! Sell, 200 April at 142.

(LOUD CHATTERING)

That's not right.

How can the price
be going down?

Something's wrong.
Where's Wilson?

VALENTINE: Sell, sell, sell.

What are they doing here?

They're selling, Mortimer.

Why, that's ridiculous.

Unless that crop report...

God help us.

I told you we shouldn't have
committed everything,
you asshole.

We've got to get Wilson
and tell him to sell.

MAN ON TV:
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Secretary of Agriculture.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the orange crop estimates
for the next year.

After calculating
the estimates from

various
orange-producing states,

we have concluded
the following.

The cold winter
has apparently

not affected
the orange harvest.

Consumers can expect
orange and orange
juice prices to fall...

RANDOLPH: Wilson,
for Christ's sake, sell.

Buy them.
Sold!

Sold!
Sold!

Selling!

Selling. Sell.

Sold!

36!

25!

Selling.

All right.
I'll buy. 15.

Wilson,
where are you going?

You idiot.

Get back in there
at once and sell, sell.

But I...
I've just... I've...

(BUZZING)

5.

Yeah, 200.
Thank you, brother.

100.
Yeah, that was 100.

So did you get the hundred?
I got that.

Five with you, man, five.
Louis, that was 100 lots.

Hundred?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Happy New Year.

Winthorpe.

Valentine.

Hey, how'd you all
make out today?

How could you
do this to us,

after everything
we've done for you?

Oh, see, I made
Louis a bet here.

Louis bet me that we
couldn't both get rich

and put you all
in the poorhouse
at the same time.

He didn't think
we could do it. I won.

I lost.

$1.

Thank you, Louis.

After you.

Certainly.

Margin call,
gentlemen.

Why, you can't
expect us to...

You know the rules
of the exchange,
Mr. Duke.

All accounts to be settled
at the end of the day's
trading,

without exception.

You know perfectly well,
we don't have
$394 million in cash.

I'm sorry, boys.

Put the Duke brothers' seats
on the exchange up for sale
at once.

Seize all assets
of Duke & Duke
commodities brokers,

as well as all
personal holdings

of Randolph and
Mortimer Duke.

My God, we're ruined.

This is an outrage.
I demand an investigation.

You can't sell our seats.

A Duke has been sitting
on this exchange
since it was founded.

We founded this exchange.
It's ours.

It belongs to us.
My God.

Mortimer,
your brother's not well.
We'd better call an ambulance.

Fuck him!
Now you listen to me.

I want trading reopened,
right now.

Get those brokers
back in here!

Turn those machines
back on!

Turn those machines
back on!

You and your Nobel Prize,
you idiot!

Where's Beeks?

Where in hell is Beeks?

Beeks!

Yeah, I forgot
all about that guy.

(SHIP HORN BLARING)

Okay,
one male gorilla.

Hey, wait a minute.

There's two of them
in that cage.

One gorilla, two gorillas.
Big deal.

The whole bunch
is getting sent
back to Africa.

It's a big
scientific experiment.

What do I know?

Anyway, take a look,
they're in love.

(TROPICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, Coleman!

COLEMAN: Yes?

What shall we do about lunch?

The lobster or
the cracked crab?

What do you think?

Can't we have both?

Why not?

Demitri.
Sir.

Lobster and cracked crab
for everyone.

Extra primo good,
Mr. Coleman, sir.

Looking good, Billy Ray.

Feeling good, Louis.

(GET A JOBPLAYING)

♪ Get a job

♪ Every morning
about this time

♪ She get me out of my bed
a-crying

♪ Get a job

♪ After breakfast, everyday

♪ She throws the want ads
right my way

♪ And never fails to say

♪ Get a job

♪ Get a job

♪ And when I get the paper

♪ I read it
through and through

♪ And my girl
never fails to say

♪ If there is any work for me

♪ And when I go back
to the house

♪ I hear the woman's mouth

♪ Preaching and a-crying

♪ Tell me that
I'm lying about a job

♪ That I never could find

♪ Get a job

♪ And when I get the paper

♪ I read it
through and through

♪ And my girl
never fails to say

♪ If there is any work for me

♪ And when I go back
to the house

♪ I hear the woman's mouth

♪ Preaching and a-crying

♪ Tell me that
I'm lying about a job

♪ That I never could find

♪ Get a job

♪ Every morning
about this time

♪ She get me out of my bed
a-crying

♪ Get a job

♪ After breakfast, everyday

♪ She throws the want ads
right my way

♪ And never fails to say

♪ Get a job

♪ Get a job