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1
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,756
What are you doing?
2
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,425
Dude, I'm freaked out about
my meeting with Michael
3
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,695
and if I spend one more second
staring at creepo the clown
4
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:11,719
I'm gonna lose it!
5
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,181
You named the clowns?
— psycho, creepo
6
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,226
crazy head, stupid juggling weirdo,
freaky feet
7
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,311
and nightmare George Washington.
8
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:21,313
One of them has to go.
9
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,526
Chidi: Oh. Sexy mailman.
10
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:26,818
Much better.
11
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:28,338
In five minutes, Michael wants my help
12
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,442
investigating what's making
the neighbourhood go nuts
13
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,074
which is, obviously, me.
14
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,551
I mean, I did promise I would help.
15
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:34,701
What do I do here?
16
00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:39,206
Actually, the answer is...
— right here?
17
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,142
In this easily—understandable comic strip.
— nope.
18
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,210
In this book,
about the theory of contractualism.
19
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:44,711
"What we owe to each other?"
20
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:45,879
She gasps I saw this movie.
21
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,756
Laura linney cries in a lake house
22
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:50,050
because Jude law left her
for his ex—wife's ghost.
23
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:53,303
No. Quick summary of contractualism
24
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:57,057
uh, imagine a group of reasonable people...
25
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,851
Are coming up with the rules
for a new society.
26
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,729
Like, "if your uber driver talks to you,
the ride should be free."
27
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:07,276
Sure. But anyone can veto
any rule that they think is unfair.
28
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,402
So if you said
29
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:12,573
"we should be able to break our promises
without any repercussions"
30
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,450
someone would veto that rule.
31
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,453
Well, my first rule would be
that no one can veto my rules.
32
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:21,206
Well, that's called "tyranny,"
and it's generally frowned upon.
33
00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:24,835
If you make a promise to someone,
you should do it.
34
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:30,257
Just like I promised to help you, and
still am, despite your constant mockery.
35
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,967
"Despite your constant mockery!"
36
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,970
Whatever. You love it. So...
37
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:39,641
Either I help him find the problem,
which is me, and I'm doomed.
38
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:42,352
Or I don't help him
39
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,187
and then I'm behaving unethically
40
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,898
and the whole world goes crazy
and I'm caught anyway.
41
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:52,821
I need to figure out a way to both help him
and not help him at the same time.
42
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,282
That's literally not possible.
— oh, really?
43
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:58,368
I once posed as a hot prom date
for my cousin
44
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:03,332
both helping him, and later, according
to his therapist, "not helping" him.
45
00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:14,426
Michael mumbles
46
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:17,054
she knocks on the door
47
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,181
oh! Hey, Eleanor! Thanks for coming in.
48
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,893
Sorry about the mess.
He clears his throat
49
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,729
oh. I forgot you don't see in nine
dimensions.
50
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,566
There's just a lot of tension
in the air right now.
51
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,779
Are you okay, buddy?
You seem kind of stressed.
52
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,615
No, no, no, no, I'm fine.
Top of my game actually.
53
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,075
Here. Let me just, uh...
54
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,951
Have a seat, Eleanor.
55
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:41,411
There you go.
56
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:45,332
So, to prepare to meet all of you
57
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:49,503
I studied the human concept of "friends".
58
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,673
I even watched
all ten seasons of the show friends.
59
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,259
Boy, those friends really were
friends, weren't they?
60
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,763
Although... and I realise this is
the kind of observation
61
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:03,183
that would only occur
to the mind of an eternal being...
62
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:06,144
He sighs
how did they afford that apartment?
63
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:11,149
A waitress and a chef? With those
Manhattan real estate prices?
64
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,652
Yeah, we were all confused about that, too.
65
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:18,407
And why would they be jumping around
in a fountain if they also had umbrellas?
66
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:21,451
I mean was the fountain full because
it had been raining? Or were they...
67
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,870
Were they testing the durability of the
umbrellas?
68
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:28,208
I don't know, man.
— anyway, the reason why you're here is...
69
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,712
He sighs
— it's been a tough couple of days.
70
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:37,092
And right now, I could really use
a "friend" by my side.
71
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:43,140
Well, you know me, the person
who has audibly promised to help you.
72
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,351
Dude, it's a sweet house.
73
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,478
What did you pay for it?
Six hundred k?
74
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,389
You know it's considered impolite
to ask that question?
75
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,316
Well, I was being polite.
76
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,360
I already "zillowed" it, I know the price.
77
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,488
So you need me to housesit the whole week?
78
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,241
Sounds like somebody's gonna have
a sweet vay—cay!
79
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:03,618
As I told you before, my mom is very sick.
80
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,999
I'm going to help her move into
assisted living.
81
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,540
Well, I'm here for you.
82
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:11,168
And your wi—fi is way better
than my neighbour's, so I'm in.
83
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,378
It's gonna mean taking care of Lester, too.
84
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:16,089
Walk and feed him twice a day,
give him his kidney medicine.
85
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,539
Yup, got it. Feed his kidneys.
86
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:18,842
Eleanor? — yeah?
87
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,886
This is gonna be
a very stressful week for me.
88
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,529
I need to know that I can count on you.
89
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,014
I'm not gonna let you down.
90
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,307
I promise.
91
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:29,227
I will faithfully protect this six hundred
and eighty thousand—dollar house.
92
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,316
Indistinct chatter
93
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,331
Oh! Sachveer, Jessica. Shopping for lunch?
94
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,626
Yup! He loves to cook and I love to eat.
95
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:55,003
He loves washing the dishes,
I love drying them.
96
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:58,757
He loves putting them back in the cabinets,
I love closing cabinet doors.
97
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,594
Yes, no, I see, you're... you soulmates.
It's so wonderful.
98
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:05,013
Later we're going to the new spa
for the couples treatment.
99
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,140
You should come and bring jianyu.
100
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,313
Jianyu, my love! How are you?
101
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,942
I am decidedly so.
102
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,694
That's very profound. Um..
103
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,488
Soulmate, an idea!
104
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,908
Our neighbourhood now features a spa
and offers couples packages.
105
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,537
And I thought maybe we could get facials
and do yoga
106
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:32,249
and talk in long discursive sentences.
107
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,458
What do you say?
108
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,337
Signs point to yes.
109
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,966
Oh! Marvelous. We'll go today.
110
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,680
Dude, you gotta come with us to the spa.
111
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,391
What? No. No way.
112
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,851
No, that's really weird.
113
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,614
You can't make small talk with her
for one day without being caught?
114
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,397
No, I can't and she freaks me out!
115
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,983
She's so pretty.
Like nala, from the lion king.
116
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,193
And she talks so smart. Like, um...
117
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,571
Nala, from the lion king.
118
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,446
You gotta help me.
119
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,408
Well, if I feel sympathy for anyone,
it's tahani.
120
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:09,218
She's going through the same thing I am,
but she doesn't know it.
121
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,997
Which means maybe
I'm obligated to tell her?
122
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:16,209
Although, maybe it's better not to know?
Is ignorance bliss?
123
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,461
Or will the painful truth actually be...
124
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,671
Healing... — ready, jianyu?
125
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:24,467
Oh, I cannot wait to just relax
and talk and chat and just
126
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,387
you know, get to know each other.
127
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,472
Hey...
128
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,808
Maybe I'll come too!
129
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,644
Oh, chidi.
130
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,441
I... I would love your company.
It's just that this is, um...
131
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,234
This is really more of a...
132
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,528
Couples thing.
133
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,656
I know. But Eleanor's off with Michael
134
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,951
and jianyu feels comfortable
when I'm around. Right?
135
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,622
Made in Taiwan. — yes, you were.
136
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,333
You were made in Taiwan, so...
137
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,586
Couples date! Let's go!
138
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,966
I never really looked around your office
the first day.
139
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,176
What is all this junk?
140
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:10,680
Well, technically, architects aren't
allowed to own any human objects, but...
141
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,308
I just love them so much.
142
00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:14,851
And over here, look at this.
143
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,979
Aren't paperclips the most amazing
things in the world?
144
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,482
Yeah. Sure. — anyway...
145
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,777
My current theory is that
some object in the neighbourhood
146
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,821
has a design flaw, which is causing
everything to go haywire.
147
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:30,492
So we need to find that object.
We're gonna start with the rocks!
148
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:34,162
Now I've investigated all of the rocks
in the neighbourhood
149
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:37,207
these seventy—eight
are the most suspicious.
150
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,794
Maybe to an "architect" they might
look suspicious
151
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,922
but to me they just look like rocks.
So I'm not sure how I can help.
152
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:47,467
Do any of them look defective, sinister?
153
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:51,471
You know, like they're taunting you,
always one step ahead.
154
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,683
Oh, you devious little monsters, you.
155
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:04,484
Hello, Janet. Jianyu and I are here for
the couples' package, please.
156
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,112
He clears throat
— and also I will be joining them.
157
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,117
Great! And who is the other half
of your couple?
158
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,909
Oh, no, no, it's just me.
— couples are pairs of people.
159
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,996
Yup! And... uh, there is a pair
of people, tahani and jianyu.
160
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,999
And then also I am here.
161
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,524
Great! And who will be joining you?
162
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,712
No one. Um, it's...
It's really quite simple, Janet.
163
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:28,591
They are a couple, and I am a third part
of that couple
164
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:33,013
a helper part who is here
for fun and excitement.
165
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:34,384
It's a three—person couple!
166
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,350
Does not compute.
167
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,269
Does not compute.
168
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,396
Does not compute.
169
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,232
I'm just kidding. — Janet laughs
170
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:47,527
I mean, it doesn't compute,
but I'm not gonna explode or anything.
171
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,739
Right. Well. I'll see you inside, darling.
172
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,076
Okay, you have to step up.
173
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:58,580
Find a way to connect with her without,
you know, being you.
174
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,333
But what does that even mean?
Do I talk or not talk?
175
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,087
Do I be nice to tahani, or do I
throw all her jewellery in the toilet?
176
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,173
That's the opposite of "being nice?"
177
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,466
So no toilet?
178
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,677
Okay. So we have two piles.
179
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,722
Seemingly fine, where we have placed
180
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,933
three of the rocks, and...
181
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:23,813
Further examination needed,
where we've placed the other seventy—five.
182
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:28,276
Only ninety minutes in and we're eliminated
three rocks. We're making progress.
183
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:33,490
Although, I have to say I'a little
suspicious of the second one right here.
184
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,993
Could we just move that back in the
further examination needed?
185
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:41,998
You... you... you need to chill a little
'cause you have a very psycho, burnout
186
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:46,127
guy muttering to himself
at a library computer" type of vibe.
187
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,588
I cannot stop until I find the problem.
188
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,966
I just... it's my responsibility
to solve the problem.
189
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:55,095
What else can I do, except keep working?
190
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,349
You could stop working.
191
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,976
Look, I promised to help you and,
honesfly
192
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,479
the way I can help you
is to force you to take a break.
193
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:07,607
And not working will help me work?
194
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,735
Yes. Recharge the old batteries.
195
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:15,073
I promise, this is gonna help
both of us. Let's go.
196
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,200
Okay.
197
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:22,372
Let's keep our eyes peeled
for twigs that may have a nefarious agenda.
198
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,082
Okay, crazy, come on.
199
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,711
What is it with you and frozen yogurt?
200
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,880
Have you not heard of ice cream?
201
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,466
Oh, sure.
But I've come to really like frozen yogurt.
202
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,719
There's something so human about
taking something great
203
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:39,639
and ruining it a little,
so you can have more of it.
204
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,307
She laughs — that is very human.
205
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,644
Why do you need a
human to be your assistant?
206
00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:49,524
I mean, aren't there more of
whatever you are?
207
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,318
Well since we're becoming "friends"
208
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,779
like Ross and Phoebe
209
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,447
weird combo to pick, but okay.
210
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,824
I'm gonna tell you a secret.
211
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:03,329
Usually architects don't live
in their neighbourhoods.
212
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,082
Usually, the people show up,
we play the movie
213
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,419
Janet is there to answer questions,
and you're on your own.
214
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:10,962
But I had this theory.
215
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:15,258
I thought transition would be easier
if the architect were on site
216
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,268
for at least the first
thousand years or so.
217
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,889
That's why you've been so freaked out,
'cause your butt is on the line.
218
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:25,894
Do you have a butt?
219
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:28,897
Well I thought I did. Ouch.
220
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,608
No, I'm sorry. It's a great butt. I...
— no I'm...
221
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,235
Just... this is weird.
— anyway...
222
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:38,323
My boss thought I was nuts,
and if this neighbourhood doesn't work
223
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,575
I am in big trouble.
224
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:44,454
Just like Chandler and Joey
when they left Ross's baby on a bus.
225
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:49,918
But more importantly, I promised all of you
that you would be safe and happy
226
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,878
and you just don't break a promise.
227
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,965
Unlike Ross, when he promised Emily
not to talk to Rachel.
228
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,384
Wow, you are really into that show.
229
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,970
You know something? I feel better already.
230
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,640
Should we get back to work?
Gah—gah—gah—gah—gah—gah!
231
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,392
The whole point is to stop thinking
about work
232
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:07,894
and start having fun.
233
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:10,438
Now, what should we do first?
234
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:16,486
♪ I'm going out in a Blaze of glory ♪
235
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:20,365
♪ lord, I never drew first
but I drew first blood ♪
236
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,200
♪ I'm no one's son ♪
237
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:25,578
♪ call me young gun ♪
238
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:28,957
This is so interesting.
239
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:32,961
I mean there's no point to it,
the images on the screen relate to nothing
240
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,271
some time passed, and then it was over!
241
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,924
That's karaoke!
— let's do it again.
242
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:44,639
Okay! My hands are heated to the ideal
one hundred and five degrees.
243
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,224
Who would like to go first?
244
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,226
Oh well, uh... what if I go first, and then
245
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,228
perhaps jianyu could stand near me and
246
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,146
share some intimate aspects of his life?
247
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,987
Or what if
248
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,615
while Janet massages tahani
249
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,994
I massage jianyu?
250
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,542
Jianyu, darling, let's discuss the arts.
251
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,504
I adore the impressionists.
252
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,675
Who's your favourite artist?
— I mean...
253
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,303
Pitbull changed the game...
— chidi: Hm.
254
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,930
Sorry. I was working the...
255
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,350
Oft—neglected mandible area.
— jianyu mumbles
256
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,941
She laughs — oh, man!
257
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,944
I didn't even want that thing,
why am I trying to win it?
258
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,904
Because the machine says it's a prize.
259
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,240
Eleanor: Oh! — Michael: Boom!
260
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,700
Michael:
How many tickets do I get?
261
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,910
Six? Is that all?
— well... watch this.
262
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:50,621
She grunts
263
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:52,373
is that allowed? — not really.
264
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,083
But it is a time—honoured tradition.
265
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,044
Say no more. I got it. I got it.
266
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,298
Yow! — whoo!
267
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:02,300
You know something?
268
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,719
As much as I've always wanted
to be around humans
269
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:08,139
I think I've missed a big part
of what makes them wonderful.
270
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:12,477
Sometimes all you guys think about
is how you can have the most fun!
271
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:17,273
Exactly! That was practically my mantra.
272
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,026
What's up, dongbait?
273
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,949
Brittany laughs
— drop everything you're doing.
274
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:25,907
Rihanna is performing in Vegas.
I got tickets. We are road tripping!
275
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,450
Aw, I can't.
276
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,537
I promised I'd housesit one more day,
and I have to feed this stupid dog.
277
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:34,874
I'm sorry, does this dog smoke blunts
topless on a yacht, like a boss
278
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,000
'cause that's how riri do.
279
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:40,296
That's a very good point. — this is
floor—seats, in Vegas, for Rihanna!
280
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,964
The booze is free there.
281
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,967
Do I really need to keep going?
282
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:50,139
Okay. This is dinner tonight,
breakfast tomorrow.
283
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,231
I have an idea. This is
in case of emergency.
284
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,770
This is in case of emergency.
285
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:59,023
Do not eat this unless it's an emergency.
286
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,610
Wow. I'm ready to be a mom.
287
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:13,162
I'm having trouble getting
this mask to stick.
288
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,124
Yes, it's because my
pores are just so small.
289
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,085
There's no way anything can ever adhere
to my skin.
290
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,461
It's a curse, really.
291
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,090
Jianyu?
What are your pores like?
292
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,385
She sighs
293
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,846
seemed like such an
easy question to answer.
294
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,890
Janet, can you show
me to the sauna, please?
295
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,481
Dude! She's trying so hard,
and you're giving her nothing.
296
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:43,860
Just pick a fact that you know about her
and just muddle through. She...
297
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,195
She said she likes impressionist
paintings.
298
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,657
Oh! Impressionist paintings?
Okay, say no more!
299
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:53,369
No, no. I definitely feel like
I need to say more. Jia——?
300
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,913
He laughs — so...
301
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,499
Would you say I helped you today?
302
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:03,004
Oh, so much! I had fun,
I didn't think about my problems and I...
303
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,131
I won this ugly yellow toddler
304
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,454
which is one of the most
beautiful things I've ever seen.
305
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:10,428
Eleanor, thank you for being a friend.
306
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,514
You're a pa! And a confidante.
307
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,350
After you watched friends,
did you also watch golden girls?
308
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,852
Yes, I did. He laughs
309
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,980
they love cheesecake
and one of them loves intercourse.
310
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:22,106
She laughs
311
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,233
all right. I'll see you tomorrow, friend.
312
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,402
He sighs
313
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,905
classical guitar plays
314
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,462
You sure this
is where you want to be right now?
315
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:45,087
At the "tea for two" couples' cafe.
316
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,048
There's no use avoiding it, chidi.
317
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,633
I'm alone.
318
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,677
Jianyu and I have nothing in common.
319
00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:55,348
I just want a soulmate.
Someone I can share my passions with
320
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,601
someone who I can talk to about
the ethereal colours of a degas.
321
00:16:58,684 --> 00:16:59,727
I love degas!
322
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,980
I took painting lessons as a kid,
and degas was always my inspiration.
323
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,417
What's your favourite work?
— let's say it on three.
324
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,611
Okay. — one, two, three.
325
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,654
The absinthe drinker
— ballet dancers in the wings
326
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,491
well, at least we both still like degas.
327
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,953
Yes! And do you like
France as much as I do?
328
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:21,082
Well, they enslaved my country
for three hundred years, so no.
329
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,293
But they have great museums.
— yes.
330
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,629
Welcome to my cafe you two!
331
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:30,424
We have a special on soulmate muffins:
Two for the price of zero.
332
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,843
Everything is free.
— oh, uh... well, we're not soulmates.
333
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,470
Tahani: No. — we're just, uh...
334
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,556
Soul friends. — Pilar: Oh.
335
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,688
Hey, buddy! I have all new fun stuff
for us to do today.
336
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,898
Also, you think you didn't do any work?
337
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:49,026
Wait till you see how much work
the real housewives don't do.
338
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,445
Eleanor... Eleanor, I have huge news.
339
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,740
"Not working" actually worked.
340
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:55,950
It did what now?
341
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,869
After our day off,
with a completely clear head
342
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:03,666
I realised part of what makes humans
so fun is that they're unpredictable.
343
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,502
The chaos we've been experiencing
344
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:11,048
is exactly what would happen
if a resident behaved unpredictably.
345
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:15,428
The problem in our neighbourhood,
it's not a rock or an object...
346
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,555
It's one of the people.
347
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,849
Oh! We need to celebrate!
348
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,894
Okay. Whoo—hoo! Paperclip shower!
He giggles
349
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:31,652
so, do you think we're looking for a man?
Or do you think we're looking for two men?
350
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,323
Not sure.
We don't know anything about this person.
351
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:37,325
I mean does he or she
352
00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:40,286
even know that they caused
all these problems?
353
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,163
No, that can't be.
354
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,082
I mean what kind of monster
would wreak havoc and then say nothing?
355
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,210
There are nice monsters, like elmo.
356
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:51,047
Elmo? I'm not familiar with that.
357
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,590
Let me just quickly...
358
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:57,803
He laughs elmo's delightful.
359
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,222
He laughs uh—oh.
360
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,976
They're over—using him.
He's gotten annoying.
361
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:05,728
Oh, well, too bad.
362
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,104
Anyway, back to the hunt.
363
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,524
So this is the main place
where the garbage fell from the sky.
364
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,568
Janet? — hi there.
365
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:17,073
I need a list of everyone that was here
on garbage duty during orientation.
366
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,783
Beep — oh!
367
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,243
Eleanor.
368
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,413
Our criminal is on this very shortlist.
— Eleanor: Hm.
369
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:27,708
People were flying that day, too.
I'll add everybody who flew overhead.
370
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:33,130
Eleanor groans
— our criminal is on this much longer list.
371
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:34,423
Eleanor sighs
372
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,595
oh, hey, homey.
Thanks for your advice.
373
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,806
I'm about to give
tahani the best gift ever.
374
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:42,932
Check it.
375
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:49,438
What? I mean, what?
376
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,120
She likes impressionist paintings, right?
377
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:54,402
I got her a painting of
the best impressionist of all time.
378
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,528
Frank caliendo.
379
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:58,823
He can do it all: Fat al Pacino,
fat Jerry Seinfeld, regular John madden—...
380
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:04,203
Jianyu, I need you to take
this oil painting of frank caliendo
381
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,081
and put it in a very dark room
where no one will ever see it.
382
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,083
Perfect. It glows in the dark. Watch.
383
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,130
Jiyanyu grunts — huh?
384
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,675
In the voice of al Pacino:
Forget about it, forget about it.
385
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,009
Huh?
386
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:24,014
Okay, so the opening night party
won't help us narrow our list
387
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,933
because, well... everyone was there.
388
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,768
Right. Everyone was there.
389
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,312
Everyone drank the appropriate
amount of alcohol.
390
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,815
So that seems like a dead end.
— but...
391
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:39,822
This is where the sinkhole opened up,
and the guest list that night was limited.
392
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:42,992
Beep — there were a
total of 30 people that night.
393
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,077
He laughs
394
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,495
only thirty, huh?
395
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,123
Yay! How do you pump your fist again?
396
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:51,751
He laughs is this it?
397
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:55,129
But sixty—six others passed through
to take a look before it opened.
398
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:58,007
And everyone else in the neighbourhood
was in a close radius.
399
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:02,428
Oh, boy!
That doesn't narrow it down at all.
400
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:05,473
Feels like the end of the road.
401
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,894
End of the road. Boyz ii men.
Karaoke!
402
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,104
Let's go.
Don't think about it too much.
403
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,314
Janet
404
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,566
my hoodie please. — Janet beeps
405
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,573
What's happening? — I give up.
406
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:26,702
I can't help the people
I promised that I would help.
407
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:31,749
I feel like friends in season eight
408
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:38,005
out of ideas and forcing Joey and Rachel
together even though it made no sense.
409
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,676
I hope the sinkhole opens up again
and swallows me whole.
410
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,482
Paula! Hey, girl! How's the dog?
411
00:21:56,857 --> 00:21:59,318
Still fat, Eleanor. Still fat.
412
00:22:00,069 --> 00:22:03,531
The vet said his stomach expanded
to the size of a basketball.
413
00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:05,324
And that it will never shrink.
414
00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,535
Mmm. Well, that's not my fault.
415
00:22:07,618 --> 00:22:11,413
How was I supposed to know
he would literally eat all of the food?
416
00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:13,082
It shouldn't have been an issue.
417
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:16,293
You were supposed to be there
but you broke your promise
418
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:21,882
as soon it wasn't convenient for you,
and now I have a very bulbous dog.
419
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:25,344
Well, you know what?
You're rude.
420
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:28,514
'Cause you didn't even ask me
how the Rihanna concert was.
421
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:33,185
She was very late and a little drunk.
422
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:42,528
I promised to help you, and I will
423
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,363
however I can.
424
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:49,577
If you want to look at a million rocks
like a psychopath, I'll be there.
425
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:54,290
If you want to just lay here
and cry in your hoodie, I'm cool with that.
426
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:57,126
Honestly, I don't know how I can help you
427
00:22:57,751 --> 00:22:59,795
'cause I'm just a person
428
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:05,217
and you're like this super, magical,
Orville redenbacher type guy
429
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,928
who invented this entire universe
430
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,180
but I'll do my best.
431
00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:12,975
I'm right here.
432
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:14,977
Oh, my gosh...
433
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:19,857
Of course.
434
00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:22,359
How did I not see it?
435
00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:26,822
Janet, I've found the
answer to the problem.
436
00:23:27,031 --> 00:23:28,191
Call a neighbourhood meeting.
437
00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:32,494
Should it be "festive and casual,"
or "moribund and devastating?"
438
00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:35,080
Moribund and devastating, please.
— great!
439
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:43,714
Hello, jianyu. Chidi.
440
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,887
What's this?
— I made you a "art".
441
00:23:50,179 --> 00:23:54,600
It's three of me! As ballerinas!
442
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:57,102
Painted in the style of the impressionists!
443
00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:58,395
Of course!
444
00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:03,359
You don't say things, but you do things
445
00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:05,402
and you feel things.
446
00:24:06,737 --> 00:24:10,741
Only my true soulmate could ever give me
such a perfect gift.
447
00:24:10,824 --> 00:24:12,409
Thank you. — she kisses jianyu
448
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,211
Do you need anything else from me?
449
00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:26,548
No, no. I just want
you to stand right there.
450
00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,805
What's going on?
— well, I did what you said.
451
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:36,517
I honoured my agreement to help
Michael find the problem
452
00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:40,062
and he found the problem.
453
00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:41,188
Oh, I'm so sorry.
454
00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:46,318
Maybe I broke my promise, too.
I agreed to help you.
455
00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:49,655
Don't worry, you did.
456
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:54,660
After I'm gone, take down the
rest of those clown paintings.
457
00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:59,665
But leave up the sexy mailman,
to remember me by.
458
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:04,086
Thank you all for your Patience
with the problems in our neighbourhood.
459
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:07,172
I have finally discovered the cause.
460
00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:11,260
There was one common link
among every incident.
461
00:25:12,136 --> 00:25:14,596
And when I figured it out it was a shock
462
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:16,306
but there's no escaping it
463
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,226
the problem...
464
00:25:20,602 --> 00:25:21,645
Is me.
465
00:25:21,729 --> 00:25:23,188
Everyone gasps — and now...
466
00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:27,568
I have to leave you, forever.
36022
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