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1
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:07,005
CBS presents this
program in color.
2
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,126
Yes, General Burkhalter.
3
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,561
Top secret?
4
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:07,866
Sir, I want you to know how
much I appreciate your trust in me.
5
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,969
Oh, you had no
other choice. I see.
6
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,872
Yes, sir, I'm alone.
7
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:18,093
General Burkhalter, I can
assure you that I am alone.
8
00:01:18,128 --> 00:01:20,963
Yes, sir, I'll check
it right away.
9
00:01:28,372 --> 00:01:31,272
Everything is all
right, Herr General.
10
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,508
No one is here.
11
00:01:32,543 --> 00:01:35,444
Oh, yes, sir, that is important.
12
00:01:35,479 --> 00:01:37,012
I can see that...
13
00:01:38,382 --> 00:01:39,926
Hey, Kinch, what's
wrong with this thing?
14
00:01:39,950 --> 00:01:41,816
I don't know.
15
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,620
Just when Klink was
about to spill the top secret.
16
00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:46,655
Looks okay here.
17
00:01:47,658 --> 00:01:48,901
Schultz is coming.
18
00:01:48,925 --> 00:01:50,091
Keep him busy.
19
00:01:50,127 --> 00:01:52,394
Right.
20
00:01:52,429 --> 00:01:53,740
See if you can
check that out, huh?
21
00:01:53,764 --> 00:01:55,597
Right.
22
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,211
Schultz is coming.
23
00:01:58,235 --> 00:01:59,734
Barrack inspection!
24
00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:00,735
All right, enough
of this rubbish.
25
00:02:00,771 --> 00:02:01,870
Come along, gentlemen.
26
00:02:01,905 --> 00:02:04,439
Time to make your fortunes
and minimize your losses.
27
00:02:04,475 --> 00:02:06,007
What about you, LeBeau?
28
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,754
No, well, you already
owe me three million francs.
29
00:02:07,778 --> 00:02:08,743
I don't want to play.
30
00:02:08,779 --> 00:02:10,423
All right, Carter,
you have a go.
31
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:11,913
No. You're into me for $212,000.
32
00:02:11,948 --> 00:02:13,826
You're a lot of dirty
money-grubbers,
33
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:14,861
that's what you are.
34
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,763
Now come along
gentlemen, watch this.
35
00:02:16,787 --> 00:02:17,997
Does the hand deceive the eye?
36
00:02:18,021 --> 00:02:19,166
Where could it possibly be?
37
00:02:19,190 --> 00:02:21,807
Let's keep our eye
on it at all times.
38
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,742
Who'll make a wager?
39
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,677
All right, this one.
40
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,180
There it is.
41
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:30,281
Come on, now,
42
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,494
where could it possibly be?
43
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:32,528
Come on, anybody else?
44
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:33,718
All right, I'll try.
45
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:34,703
There it is.
46
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:35,437
It isn't, mate.
47
00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:36,849
Very good, though, very good.
48
00:02:36,873 --> 00:02:38,173
There it is, you see that?
49
00:02:38,209 --> 00:02:39,575
Now, let's have another try.
50
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,843
This is the easiest
thing in the world, right?
51
00:02:41,878 --> 00:02:43,323
You see it? Well, where is it?
52
00:02:43,347 --> 00:02:44,424
I see it. It's right under...
53
00:02:44,448 --> 00:02:45,480
No, no!
54
00:02:45,516 --> 00:02:47,982
No... it is under
55
00:02:48,018 --> 00:02:49,084
this one.
56
00:02:49,119 --> 00:02:50,285
Schultz is right,
57
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,636
and you're wrong.
58
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,338
Very good, very good.
59
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:54,806
Let's do it again.
60
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,119
It's a game of chance, you know.
61
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,775
I'll take a chance.
62
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,477
Yes?
63
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:02,747
Four marks: eins,
zwei, drei, vier, ja?
64
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:04,427
Well, all right, but
I must warn you,
65
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,628
I've been very, very unlucky.
66
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:07,030
Yeah, you owe me
three million francs.
67
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,154
With me, it's strictly cash.
68
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,034
Oh, I wouldn't have
it any other way.
69
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,841
Here we go then. Right.
70
00:03:12,876 --> 00:03:13,909
Which one?
71
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,596
That one?
72
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:18,631
No... no... no.
73
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:22,818
You want this one?
No, no, no, no, no.
74
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,680
Now which one do you
want? You've named them all.
75
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,777
That one?
76
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:33,912
Wrong!
77
00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:47,759
There it is.
78
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,694
Achtung.
79
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,765
Mm-hmm. What do we have here?
80
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,977
It's a game, sir.
81
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,746
To be exact, the shell game.
82
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,436
I've heard of it before.
83
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,739
Schultz, did you see that
these men were gambling?
84
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:04,275
Never mind, Schultz.
85
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,556
You can't see over your stomach.
86
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,623
Colonel Hogan.
87
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:08,613
Colonel Hogan?
88
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:09,714
Now, we got more company.
89
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,715
Stay with it, huh?
90
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,650
Okay.
91
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,520
Sir, Colonel Hogan
doesn't like to be disturbed
92
00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:16,954
when he's taking a nap.
93
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:21,225
Oh, well, I wouldn't
dream of disturbing him.
94
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,274
Colonel Hogan!
95
00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:25,742
What is it, Colonel?
96
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:29,468
You caught me right in
the middle of a great dream.
97
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:30,468
The blonde again?
98
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,969
No, redhead this time.
99
00:04:33,657 --> 00:04:35,790
To use an American expression...
100
00:04:35,825 --> 00:04:38,326
While you were
asleep at the switch,
101
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,762
I uncovered a fly
in the ointment.
102
00:04:40,797 --> 00:04:42,730
What do you say about that?
103
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,994
Well, for one thing, Colonel,
you're mixing your metaphors.
104
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,235
Hogan, you know my
rules about gambling.
105
00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:49,504
Schultz, I want these
men to be punished.
106
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:52,084
I want you to put them
on report immediately.
107
00:04:52,108 --> 00:04:53,542
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
108
00:04:53,577 --> 00:04:54,543
Gambling?!
109
00:04:54,578 --> 00:04:55,622
Aw, you must be mistaken.
110
00:04:55,646 --> 00:04:57,145
Were you men gambling?
111
00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,609
Gambling? Never.
112
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,383
See?
113
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:04,135
Uh-huh. What do you call this?
114
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:05,448
Oh, sir, I think
you'll agree with me
115
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,283
that gambling is based on luck
116
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,485
and an element of
chance, don't you agree?
117
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,020
Yes. Mm-hmm.
118
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,711
I can guarantee, as a
gentleman and an officer,
119
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,491
this game is not gambling.
120
00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:16,681
Hogan, I am no fool.
121
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:18,750
If this is not
gambling, what is it?
122
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:22,521
We're conducting
experiments in ESP.
123
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:23,805
ESP?
124
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,523
Extrasensory perception.
125
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,975
Hogan...
126
00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:29,455
Well, actually, we're conducting
the same kind of experiments
127
00:05:29,479 --> 00:05:30,823
as Professor Otto
Von Tillermaan.
128
00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:32,087
Oh, what am I telling you for.
129
00:05:32,115 --> 00:05:33,315
You're probably more familiar
130
00:05:33,349 --> 00:05:34,861
with Von Tillermaan's
work than I am.
131
00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:38,837
Well, I... I really haven't
read much of his work lately.
132
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,705
He uses the shell game?
133
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:41,840
That's right.
134
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,620
He proved that the German people
135
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:46,812
have a higher degree of
ESP than any other people.
136
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,625
All your great leaders had it:
137
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,498
Bismarck, Frederick the Great,
138
00:05:50,534 --> 00:05:53,201
um, um... what's-his-name,
uh, you know...
139
00:05:53,237 --> 00:05:55,854
Um...
140
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,155
Hitler!
141
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,540
Yeah, yeah, that's the one.
142
00:05:58,575 --> 00:05:59,841
You probably have it, too.
143
00:05:59,876 --> 00:06:01,158
Now that you mention it,
144
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,028
I often get, uh, vibrations...
145
00:06:04,063 --> 00:06:06,598
a kind of intuition.
146
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:09,512
As you say, a lot of the Germans
have the same faculty, yes?
147
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,497
Say, let's see how you
do with the shell game.
148
00:06:11,521 --> 00:06:12,487
Newkirk?
149
00:06:12,522 --> 00:06:13,522
Oh, no, no...
150
00:06:15,092 --> 00:06:17,236
Of course, one time won't
really prove anything, will it?
151
00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:18,605
Have you ever
played it before, sir?
152
00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:19,828
No, Newkirk.
153
00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:21,307
Well, just watch
the little pill there, sir.
154
00:06:21,331 --> 00:06:22,475
The object, of course, is to try
155
00:06:22,499 --> 00:06:23,576
and find out which one it is.
156
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,565
You see it?
157
00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,267
Well, where is it?
158
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:30,989
Right on the nose!
159
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,758
Try it again, try it again.
160
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,904
I'll do it much
faster this time.
161
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,094
Let's keep our eye
on it at all times.
162
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,196
Now, we'll have
another little try.
163
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,098
This man's in
league with the devil.
164
00:06:45,122 --> 00:06:47,756
Professor Von Tillermaan
would be proud of you.
165
00:06:47,791 --> 00:06:48,857
Oh, it was nothing.
166
00:06:48,892 --> 00:06:50,391
Let's try a tough one now.
167
00:06:50,426 --> 00:06:52,426
I'll write a number
from one to ten,
168
00:06:52,462 --> 00:06:54,342
you try to guess it, all right?
169
00:06:56,099 --> 00:06:59,267
The number... is eight.
170
00:06:59,302 --> 00:07:00,568
Eight, all right.
171
00:07:00,603 --> 00:07:02,003
No, no, no, wait, wait.
172
00:07:02,039 --> 00:07:04,172
It is nine.
173
00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:08,777
Hogan, how far off am I?
174
00:07:08,812 --> 00:07:09,844
This is amazing.
175
00:07:09,879 --> 00:07:12,380
It's the greatest
thing I've ever seen.
176
00:07:12,416 --> 00:07:13,581
Look at that!
177
00:07:13,617 --> 00:07:14,582
Ah!
178
00:07:14,618 --> 00:07:15,583
I wrote the eight,
179
00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:17,686
crossed it out,
and wrote the nine.
180
00:07:17,721 --> 00:07:21,623
You have the best
ESP I've ever seen.
181
00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:24,058
Well, I can't explain it.
182
00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:27,529
Either you've got
it or you haven't.
183
00:07:27,564 --> 00:07:29,263
Schultz, what are you doing?
184
00:07:29,299 --> 00:07:31,766
Oh, I put the men on
report for gambling.
185
00:07:31,802 --> 00:07:32,767
For gambling?
186
00:07:32,803 --> 00:07:34,268
Schultz, you're an idiot.
187
00:07:34,304 --> 00:07:36,671
Why put these men
on report for gambling,
188
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:39,907
when they are conducting
Von Tillermaan's experiments.
189
00:07:39,943 --> 00:07:41,108
At ease, gentlemen.
190
00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:48,783
Hey, we did all right? Eh?
191
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,759
Herr Kommandant...
192
00:07:57,794 --> 00:08:00,028
Wait, Helga.
193
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,008
No... no, no, no, no, no.
194
00:08:02,032 --> 00:08:04,766
You cannot have
the afternoon off.
195
00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:07,168
That's what you were
going to ask me, wasn't it?
196
00:08:07,204 --> 00:08:10,304
No, I was just going to tell
you that Colonel Hogan is here.
197
00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:13,942
Oh... but you did
want the afternoon off
198
00:08:13,977 --> 00:08:15,309
at some time, didn't you?
199
00:08:15,345 --> 00:08:16,911
Yes, about two weeks ago.
200
00:08:16,947 --> 00:08:18,412
I thought so.
201
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:20,559
Don't try to keep
any secrets from me.
202
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,983
Now go and send
in Colonel Hogan.
203
00:08:27,224 --> 00:08:28,623
Colonel Hogan!
204
00:08:31,027 --> 00:08:32,360
Hogan, what happened?
205
00:08:32,395 --> 00:08:33,862
I just told her a joke.
206
00:08:33,897 --> 00:08:35,196
You did?
207
00:08:35,232 --> 00:08:36,342
I would like to hear it.
208
00:08:36,366 --> 00:08:37,331
You wouldn't like it.
209
00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:38,410
Yes I would. Go on.
210
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,434
All right.
211
00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:42,370
Goebbels and Goring
were having lunch one day
212
00:08:42,405 --> 00:08:44,705
with, uh, what's-his-name, uh...
213
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:45,907
Hitler.
214
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:46,942
That's the fella.
215
00:08:46,977 --> 00:08:48,442
Goering said,
"Fuehrer, do you know
216
00:08:48,478 --> 00:08:50,378
what you'd look like
without that mustache?"
217
00:08:50,413 --> 00:08:52,046
Never mind, never mind.
218
00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:53,714
Told you, you wouldn't like it.
219
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:54,682
You wanted to see
me for something?
220
00:08:54,717 --> 00:08:56,284
Yes, Colonel Hogan.
221
00:08:56,319 --> 00:08:57,930
For the next two days, I
want you and your men
222
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,198
to be confined to the barracks.
223
00:08:59,222 --> 00:09:01,956
I don't want anyone to leave
for any reason whatsoever.
224
00:09:01,992 --> 00:09:03,124
Is that understood?
225
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,170
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
226
00:09:04,194 --> 00:09:05,571
You told me there'd
be no punishment.
227
00:09:05,595 --> 00:09:06,928
It's not punishment.
228
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,696
It's for security reason.
229
00:09:08,731 --> 00:09:10,165
Top secret.
230
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,000
Oh, I see.
231
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,351
Never mind about the desk.
232
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,986
There's nothing there of value.
233
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,833
You have a very
suspicious nature.
234
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,925
I am too clever for you, Hogan.
235
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:24,596
I also happen to have
extrasensory perception.
236
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:25,697
Yes, I know.
237
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,667
I think I created
a Frankenstein.
238
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,007
Helga, you know about the
security, top secret business
239
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,609
for the next couple of days?
240
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,578
Yes, I know, the
Kommandant told me.
241
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,090
Good, we wouldn't want anybody
242
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,859
to find out about,
uh, well, you know.
243
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:43,848
No, I don't know.
244
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,084
The Kommandant won't
tell anyone what it is.
245
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,351
I see.
246
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:48,920
What's that?
247
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,322
Oh, it's a book that
Kommandant Klink ordered.
248
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:52,602
Let me see.
249
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:55,827
Might give us a clue
as to what's going on.
250
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:59,631
Intuition and ESP In
Psychology by Von Tillermaan.
251
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,945
There is somebody by that name.
252
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:02,934
Holy Toledo.
253
00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,736
What's the matter?
254
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,906
I just found out I got ESP, too.
255
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:12,410
Find out what was
wrong and fix it?
256
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,723
Uh-huh and uh-uh.
257
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,279
What does that mean?
258
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,393
Well, uh-huh, the
wires are all burned out,
259
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:18,661
and uh-uh, I can't fix it
260
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,919
unless I can run a
new line to Klink's office.
261
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,538
And we're confined to
quarters, so that's out.
262
00:10:23,573 --> 00:10:25,807
Burkhalter is going
in to see Klink.
263
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:28,176
If I could only
be in that office.
264
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:31,846
Or if we could just plant
a walkie-talkie in there.
265
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:32,847
Good idea.
266
00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:34,448
But we can't leave the barracks,
267
00:10:34,484 --> 00:10:36,584
so how are we going
put the walkie-talkie?
268
00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:38,353
We don't put.
269
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,955
We have somebody put for us.
270
00:10:40,991 --> 00:10:42,823
This is indeed a great honor
271
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:45,260
to have you here,
General Burkhalter.
272
00:10:45,295 --> 00:10:48,763
Let me remind you, Klink,
this is not a social visit.
273
00:10:48,798 --> 00:10:50,331
It's official business.
274
00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:52,300
Of course, and may I offer you
275
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:54,135
some official
brandy and a cigar?
276
00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:55,469
Very well.
277
00:10:55,505 --> 00:10:58,684
Have you taken all the
security measures I mentioned?
278
00:10:58,708 --> 00:10:59,774
Every one.
279
00:10:59,809 --> 00:11:01,276
There's nothing to worry about.
280
00:11:01,311 --> 00:11:04,512
I run a tight camp.
281
00:11:04,547 --> 00:11:07,848
Ah, French brandy.
282
00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:09,384
There is nothing like it.
283
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:12,053
Yes, sir, but it's much
too good for the French.
284
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:16,424
Well, as I was saying, I
have this certain ability
285
00:11:16,459 --> 00:11:19,660
to anticipate trouble,
a kind of sixth sense.
286
00:11:19,695 --> 00:11:20,661
ESP.
287
00:11:20,696 --> 00:11:24,032
So, there is nothing
to be alarmed about.
288
00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:26,500
I'll be as alarmed as I like.
289
00:11:26,536 --> 00:11:29,637
Yes, sir, whatever
gives you pleasure.
290
00:11:29,672 --> 00:11:32,340
Now, how about
some Polish sausage,
291
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:36,077
uh, some Norwegian
sardines, some Danish cheese?
292
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,278
Ugh.
293
00:11:37,314 --> 00:11:39,513
I'm sorry. It's a German cigar.
294
00:11:39,549 --> 00:11:42,616
We should have taken Cuba.
295
00:11:42,652 --> 00:11:44,685
How many K's in Klink, sir?
296
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,220
Two. One on each end.
297
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:47,721
Here comes Schultz.
298
00:11:47,757 --> 00:11:49,657
He's three minutes early.
299
00:11:49,692 --> 00:11:50,658
Hurry it up, huh?
300
00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:51,659
Right, sir.
301
00:11:51,694 --> 00:11:52,838
There we are; it's finished.
302
00:11:52,862 --> 00:11:54,028
All right, good.
303
00:11:54,064 --> 00:11:55,774
Carter, give me a hand
with this thing, huh?
304
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,438
Okay. Let's go, quick.
305
00:12:01,871 --> 00:12:04,271
All right, get that away.
306
00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:15,316
Barracks inspection!
307
00:12:18,254 --> 00:12:20,455
Hey, Carter, smile, will you?
308
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:24,425
I can't start this thing
every day if you don't...
309
00:12:25,428 --> 00:12:27,006
Your mouth was
together, remember?
310
00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:29,197
Now, smile.
311
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:32,900
Someone might be
paying for this, I tell you.
312
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,000
You don't want me to do it.
313
00:12:45,215 --> 00:12:47,982
Colonel Hogan, what is this?
314
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,128
I don't know, Schultz.
315
00:12:49,152 --> 00:12:50,118
Never saw it before in my life.
316
00:12:50,153 --> 00:12:51,163
Did you, fellas?
317
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,498
No. Never, sir.
318
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,723
This is Kommandant
Klink's briefcase.
319
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:56,741
It is?
320
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,376
What's he keeping it here for?
321
00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,911
He's not very neat, is he?
322
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:03,481
Oh, I overlook a lot of things,
323
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,417
but to steal Kommandant
Klink's briefcase!
324
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,286
Oh, I have to report this.
325
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:09,632
Schultz, couldn't
you just put it back
326
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,767
in Klink's office and forget it?
327
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,756
No, no, no, no, no, no.
328
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,658
I have to report this at once.
329
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,459
Schultz, can I tell you a story?
330
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,145
What story? LeBeau.
331
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,192
You had a mother, didn't you?
332
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,182
Ja.
333
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,861
Naturally, you loved her.
334
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,531
I loved my mother, too.
335
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,233
She was a widow and she was left
336
00:13:27,257 --> 00:13:29,201
with eight children
to take care of.
337
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,203
I was the oldest, so
I had to go to work,
338
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,239
and I was only five at the time.
339
00:13:33,263 --> 00:13:35,091
Every morning,
just before sunup,
340
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,548
I'd leave our little
home in Beverly Hills,
341
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,884
and I'd deliver the
morning papers.
342
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,220
Then I'd rush home with
the few pennies I earned,
343
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,866
and put them in
my mother's hand.
344
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:46,691
Then this skinny
little five-year-old kid
345
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:48,604
would go on to his next job,
346
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,773
washing dishes in a restaurant.
347
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,463
With the food they gave me,
348
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,765
I took it home to
the other children.
349
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:59,037
At night, I gave piano lessons
and studied watch repairing.
350
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:02,640
Then came the
sad news: the baby,
351
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:06,344
little Herman... unser
Herman... Needed an operation.
352
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,524
We had no money
in the house, no food.
353
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:11,028
We were behind in the rent.
354
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,218
Stop it.
355
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:14,352
Sorry, Schultz.
356
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:18,723
It's all right.
357
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,798
I'm not going to report you.
358
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:22,877
Thank you, Schultz.
359
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,548
Little Herman.
360
00:14:29,552 --> 00:14:31,385
Did he have the operation?
361
00:14:31,420 --> 00:14:34,956
Yes. Today, Herman
walks as well as anyone.
362
00:14:36,559 --> 00:14:38,659
Where did you get the money?
363
00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:41,174
We took it out of the bank.
364
00:14:43,233 --> 00:14:44,565
I'm glad.
365
00:14:52,575 --> 00:14:54,086
General Burkhalter, I
want to know all of the...
366
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,076
Schultz! Please.
367
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,077
No disturbance.
368
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:58,078
I'm sorry, Herr Kommandant.
369
00:14:58,114 --> 00:14:59,580
We are very busy. Please!
370
00:15:01,050 --> 00:15:02,683
All right, General Burkhalter.
371
00:15:02,718 --> 00:15:04,152
What did you have in mind?
372
00:15:04,187 --> 00:15:05,864
The High Command
of the Luftwaffe
373
00:15:05,888 --> 00:15:08,033
will be here tomorrow
for a demonstration
374
00:15:08,057 --> 00:15:09,067
of the new aircraft.
375
00:15:09,091 --> 00:15:10,102
Aha!
376
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:13,294
Now, when does this
airplane arrive here...
377
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,495
The new aircraft?
378
00:15:14,531 --> 00:15:15,496
This afternoon.
379
00:15:15,532 --> 00:15:17,376
The designer is
flying it here himself.
380
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,368
If it does all he claims,
381
00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:23,171
it will make a big difference
in the course of the war.
382
00:15:23,206 --> 00:15:24,539
We might even win.
383
00:15:24,574 --> 00:15:26,774
General Burkhalter,
384
00:15:26,809 --> 00:15:28,927
I cannot tell you how
personally proud I am
385
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:31,562
that you've selected my
camp for this demonstration.
386
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,298
It has nothing to do with you.
387
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,399
Oh.
388
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,778
This camp was picked
389
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,202
because with a
top-secret project like this,
390
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,405
we couldn't use
a regular airfield.
391
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,309
And also, the Luftwaffe High
Command feels much safer here.
392
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,122
They do? Yes.
393
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,224
They know the Allies won't bomb
394
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:49,880
a prisoner-of-war camp.
395
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,217
Yes?
396
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:54,435
Very well.
397
00:15:56,906 --> 00:15:59,073
An airplane is
circling for a landing.
398
00:15:59,108 --> 00:16:00,352
That must be Kintzler.
399
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,508
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
400
00:16:03,313 --> 00:16:05,153
Hey, there is a plane circling.
401
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:09,900
Looks like any
other plane to me.
402
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,415
Yeah, I don't see
anything different about it.
403
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,050
It's not what you
see, it's what you hear.
404
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,406
But I don't hear anything.
405
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:16,841
That's just it... you don't.
406
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,509
A silent plane.
407
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:19,710
Uh-huh.
408
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:20,845
Wow!
409
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,691
It could give the Allies
410
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,015
a lot of grief.
411
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,484
We have a little bomb
left from the last bridge.
412
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,829
Why don't I put it
under the plane?
413
00:16:27,853 --> 00:16:28,819
Eh, that's no good.
414
00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:31,066
They'd just build another one.
415
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:32,601
We've got to get
this information
416
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,191
to the Allies in London.
417
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,927
Why don't we swipe the
plane and fly it to London?
418
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,507
Well, they'd have
interceptors up
419
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,443
from every airfield
within five minutes.
420
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:41,765
Hey, Colonel, what if we...
421
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:42,884
Wait a minute.
422
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,165
Brilliant idea, sir.
423
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,700
You haven't heard it yet.
424
00:16:59,736 --> 00:17:00,701
I like it, too.
425
00:17:00,737 --> 00:17:01,947
Whenever you smile like that,
426
00:17:01,971 --> 00:17:03,482
you've got something
good cooking.
427
00:17:03,506 --> 00:17:04,639
When do we go?
428
00:17:04,674 --> 00:17:06,634
No rush. We'll
wait till after dark.
429
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,825
♪ ♪
430
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,897
♪ ♪
431
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:00,544
Don't make any mistakes
432
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,213
with those
measurements, Newkirk.
433
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,214
Won't do the Air Force
434
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,682
any good if they're
not accurate.
435
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,295
I'm double-checking
everything, sir.
436
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:07,319
Good.
437
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,321
Here you go.
438
00:18:14,644 --> 00:18:17,678
Well, there's the big
secrets of the silent engine.
439
00:18:17,714 --> 00:18:18,813
What is it?
440
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:22,483
The gas is vaporized in a
series of baffle chambers.
441
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,818
What does that do?
442
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,286
It's the same as stuffing
your ears with cotton.
443
00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:30,002
I'm surprised you
didn't know that, Carter.
444
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,174
Well, my girlfriend
says she hasn't got
445
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,498
a recent picture of me.
446
00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:42,781
Herr Kintzler, I cannot tell you
447
00:18:42,805 --> 00:18:44,516
how impressed I
am with your plane.
448
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:45,506
Hah!
449
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:46,652
I beg your pardon?
450
00:18:46,676 --> 00:18:48,175
I said "hah"!
451
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,488
I'm sure that the Luftwaffe
452
00:18:49,512 --> 00:18:50,856
will be impressed tomorrow.
453
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,012
They won't.
454
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:53,180
They like noise.
455
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,393
They like noise.
456
00:18:54,417 --> 00:18:56,194
That's funny, very funny.
457
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,397
It's not funny.
458
00:18:58,421 --> 00:19:00,988
I'm going to bed.
459
00:19:01,023 --> 00:19:04,258
I assume you have set up
a strong guard for the plane?
460
00:19:04,293 --> 00:19:05,471
Yes, Herr General.
461
00:19:05,495 --> 00:19:07,995
I've doubled the tower
guards, the searchlights.
462
00:19:08,030 --> 00:19:09,463
You can depend on me.
463
00:19:09,499 --> 00:19:12,132
I've seen to it
personally. Personally.
464
00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:14,802
In that case, I'd
better check it myself.
465
00:19:14,837 --> 00:19:16,448
Oh, I'll go with
you, Herr General.
466
00:19:16,472 --> 00:19:18,450
There is nothing to
worry about, Herr General.
467
00:19:18,474 --> 00:19:19,685
I gave orders to shoot anyone
468
00:19:19,709 --> 00:19:20,819
who comes near the plane.
469
00:19:20,843 --> 00:19:22,954
Shoot first and
ask questions later.
470
00:19:22,978 --> 00:19:24,258
That's what I said.
471
00:19:25,848 --> 00:19:27,815
Shoot anyone?
472
00:19:27,850 --> 00:19:29,182
Anyone!
473
00:19:35,858 --> 00:19:37,357
Don't you think you'd better
474
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:41,495
recall that order before
we go near that plane?
475
00:19:41,531 --> 00:19:42,730
What?
476
00:19:47,537 --> 00:19:49,369
Yes, sir!
477
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:50,582
Where does this part go?
478
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:51,572
Put it anywhere.
479
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:52,873
You've done jigsaw puzzles.
480
00:19:54,877 --> 00:19:56,844
It doesn't fit.
481
00:19:56,879 --> 00:19:59,647
Yes, it does.
482
00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:00,848
I think you forced it.
483
00:20:00,883 --> 00:20:02,049
It's a German plane.
484
00:20:02,084 --> 00:20:03,317
All it understands is force.
485
00:20:03,352 --> 00:20:04,318
Kinch. Mmm-hmm.
486
00:20:04,353 --> 00:20:06,031
Get those pictures
developed. Get them out
487
00:20:06,055 --> 00:20:07,466
through the
underground connections
488
00:20:07,490 --> 00:20:08,600
with Newkirk's notes. Right.
489
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,201
Look, the rest of you,
let's get this engine
490
00:20:10,225 --> 00:20:11,870
back in the plane
before they find it's gone.
491
00:20:11,894 --> 00:20:12,860
Right, Colonel.
492
00:20:12,895 --> 00:20:14,005
We wouldn't want them to think
493
00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:15,109
we're ordinary crooks, huh?
494
00:20:17,232 --> 00:20:19,210
Everything seems to
be in order, Herr General.
495
00:20:19,234 --> 00:20:22,402
Let me make up
my own mind, Klink.
496
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,683
Yes, sir. Of course,
I'm a man who takes
497
00:20:24,707 --> 00:20:26,740
his responsibilities
very seriously,
498
00:20:26,776 --> 00:20:28,787
and when this
plane is in my camp,
499
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,556
it becomes my responsibility.
500
00:20:30,580 --> 00:20:31,745
You are so right.
501
00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:34,092
Now, when you
ask me for security,
502
00:20:34,116 --> 00:20:37,351
that's what you'll
get... Airtight security.
503
00:20:38,588 --> 00:20:40,488
What did you say, Klink?
504
00:20:40,523 --> 00:20:41,889
Me, me, me, say?
505
00:20:41,924 --> 00:20:43,891
Nothing, what, what would I say?
506
00:20:43,926 --> 00:20:45,225
Klink!
507
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:48,295
Pull yourself together,
you're falling apart.
508
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,298
Yes, sir. I will do
that right away.
509
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,666
Yes, sir!
510
00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:59,117
Wish I could help you, Colonel.
511
00:20:59,141 --> 00:21:01,274
Hogan, airplane
engines don't have
512
00:21:01,310 --> 00:21:03,711
a habit of walking
away by themselves.
513
00:21:03,746 --> 00:21:06,380
Well, sometimes they fly away.
514
00:21:06,415 --> 00:21:09,049
When did the, uh,
engine disappear?
515
00:21:09,084 --> 00:21:11,184
Now, you know very
well when. Today.
516
00:21:11,220 --> 00:21:12,731
Well, then I have
a perfect alibi.
517
00:21:12,755 --> 00:21:14,332
We were confined to barracks.
518
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,668
You gave the order yourself.
519
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:17,658
That's true.
520
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:18,859
Mm-hmm.
521
00:21:18,895 --> 00:21:20,594
The guards would
have seen you come out.
522
00:21:20,630 --> 00:21:22,530
Oh, I'm sorry, Colonel Hogan.
523
00:21:22,565 --> 00:21:25,866
Ah! General Burkhalter!
524
00:21:25,902 --> 00:21:28,201
It's he. He's testing me.
525
00:21:28,237 --> 00:21:30,248
The old ESP is working
for you again, sir.
526
00:21:30,272 --> 00:21:31,605
Of course!
527
00:21:31,641 --> 00:21:33,206
He wants to know
how resourceful I am.
528
00:21:33,242 --> 00:21:34,282
Ah, ha-ha.
529
00:21:34,309 --> 00:21:36,187
All you have to do is figure out
530
00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:39,212
where he hid it, go get
it, and you will be a hero.
531
00:21:39,248 --> 00:21:40,213
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
532
00:21:40,249 --> 00:21:41,214
I see it in the bushes...
533
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:42,550
In the bushes.
534
00:21:42,585 --> 00:21:43,551
Hidden under a tarpaulin.
535
00:21:43,586 --> 00:21:44,552
Under a tarpaulin.
536
00:21:44,587 --> 00:21:45,419
What color is the tarpaulin?
537
00:21:45,454 --> 00:21:46,698
Black. Black, black.
538
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:47,900
Uh, what about white?
539
00:21:47,924 --> 00:21:49,267
White? White. White.
540
00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:50,257
It's there.
541
00:21:50,292 --> 00:21:51,302
It's there.
542
00:21:51,326 --> 00:21:52,671
I know the spot.
You know the spot.
543
00:21:52,695 --> 00:21:57,197
Oh, Hogan, I've
found the engine!
544
00:21:57,232 --> 00:22:03,136
I know exactly where it is.
545
00:22:03,172 --> 00:22:07,641
The engine, the engine is...
546
00:22:07,677 --> 00:22:10,077
The engine is right here!
547
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:14,481
Oh, that's too bad.
548
00:22:14,516 --> 00:22:17,051
Look, let's
reconstruct the crime.
549
00:22:17,086 --> 00:22:20,520
Now, where exactly was
the engine when it got mislaid.
550
00:22:20,556 --> 00:22:22,189
Where was it?!
551
00:22:22,224 --> 00:22:23,524
Where any engine
552
00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:24,691
is supposed to be!
553
00:22:24,726 --> 00:22:25,692
Right here
554
00:22:25,727 --> 00:22:27,227
in the plane, that's where.
555
00:22:31,233 --> 00:22:33,078
Be kinda crowded
in there if we put
556
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,869
another engine in, wouldn't it?
557
00:22:35,904 --> 00:22:38,205
Colonel Hogan, what
are you doing here?
558
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:39,673
I gave strict orders
559
00:22:39,708 --> 00:22:41,708
you were to be
confined to the barracks.
560
00:22:47,249 --> 00:22:49,550
After years of experimenting,
561
00:22:49,585 --> 00:22:52,819
I have finally developed an
absolutely noiseless engine.
562
00:22:52,854 --> 00:22:54,955
What this will mean
for the Luftwaffe
563
00:22:54,990 --> 00:22:56,323
you can easily imagine.
564
00:22:56,358 --> 00:22:58,892
It's really quite
remarkable, isn't it?
565
00:22:58,928 --> 00:23:03,831
Now, for the first time in
history, a noiseless engine.
566
00:23:03,866 --> 00:23:07,534
This engine will put us
years ahead of the Allies.
567
00:23:29,691 --> 00:23:31,742
I call that a noiseless engine.
568
00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:33,544
Maybe he's using cheap gas.
569
00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:37,581
By George, I don't
think he's got it.
570
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:46,223
So you call yourself
soldiers, eh?
571
00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:48,259
No, sir, we're prisoners of war.
572
00:23:50,596 --> 00:23:51,873
What's up, Colonel?
573
00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:54,197
I called this
formation to tell you
574
00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:56,300
that your confinement is over.
575
00:23:56,335 --> 00:23:58,269
We're back on regular schedule.
576
00:23:58,304 --> 00:23:59,270
Good.
577
00:23:59,305 --> 00:24:00,883
Say, I heard that
noiseless motor.
578
00:24:00,907 --> 00:24:03,407
I guess it's not really
noiseless, if you can hear it.
579
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:07,160
It was a failure from the
start, just as I predicted.
580
00:24:07,195 --> 00:24:09,262
I had a sixth sense about it.
581
00:24:09,297 --> 00:24:10,281
Is that right?
582
00:24:10,316 --> 00:24:11,448
My father had it, too.
583
00:24:11,483 --> 00:24:12,995
You know this Von Tillermaan
584
00:24:13,019 --> 00:24:15,197
has a very interesting
theory about ESP
585
00:24:15,221 --> 00:24:17,332
being very strong
in certain families.
586
00:24:17,356 --> 00:24:18,622
Is that Von Tillermaan's book?
587
00:24:18,657 --> 00:24:19,801
That's right. Yeah, it must
588
00:24:19,825 --> 00:24:20,791
be a collector's item.
589
00:24:20,826 --> 00:24:22,393
A collector's item?
590
00:24:22,428 --> 00:24:24,106
I imagine it's worth a
lot of money right now.
591
00:24:24,130 --> 00:24:25,340
It's probably the
only copy left.
592
00:24:25,364 --> 00:24:28,198
Oh, it must be very valuable.
593
00:24:28,234 --> 00:24:30,112
I wonder what
makes it so scarce.
594
00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:31,296
Well, the Nazis are burning
595
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,360
all of Von Tillermaan's
books in Berlin.
596
00:24:40,245 --> 00:24:42,313
Dismissed!
40633
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