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00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,956
CBS presents this
program in color.
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00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:06,581
Mmm, mmm!
3
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:07,794
Smells delicious.
4
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,495
Crepe Suzettes, but
not quite ready yet.
5
00:01:09,519 --> 00:01:10,596
You know, since the war,
6
00:01:10,620 --> 00:01:12,032
the service here
has been terrible.
7
00:01:12,056 --> 00:01:13,700
I know, it's very...
Boy, it sure has.
8
00:01:13,724 --> 00:01:14,957
All right, all right.
9
00:01:15,025 --> 00:01:17,204
Tomorrow night I'm going
to serve a gourmet dinner:
10
00:01:17,228 --> 00:01:19,039
pâté de foie gras,
poulet rôti de jardinière,
11
00:01:19,063 --> 00:01:20,195
and fraises du bois.
12
00:01:20,264 --> 00:01:22,831
Good. I think I'll eat in.
13
00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:24,632
Well, all I have to
do is steal a chicken,
14
00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:27,135
a goose and four pounds
of wild strawberries.
15
00:01:27,204 --> 00:01:28,548
Achtung!
16
00:01:28,572 --> 00:01:29,988
Come on, Schultz!
17
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,034
How many times have
I told you to knock first?
18
00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:34,392
His Achtung made
me bruise the batter.
19
00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:35,638
All right, Schultz, Schultz,
20
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:36,782
I honestly think
21
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,575
you owe LeBeau an apology.
22
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:39,897
LeBeau, I didn't mean it.
23
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,099
What are you cooking?
24
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,300
Crepe Suzettes.
25
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,569
And if you're real
nice, I'll give you one.
26
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,672
I'm a very nice
fellow for a guard.
27
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,074
Okay, okay.
28
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,708
Here it is.
29
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,912
Mmm, it smells good.
30
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,113
Mmm!
31
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:57,482
Delicious!
32
00:01:57,550 --> 00:02:00,451
LeBeau and I are going
to open a little beer garden
33
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,887
after the war.
34
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,889
Hmm. What am I saying?
35
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,458
Kommandant Klink is going to
be here any minute for inspection.
36
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:08,626
Oh, don't tell me
37
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:09,973
Berlin is sending more officers
38
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,096
to study Stalag 13!
39
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,408
I know nothing, nothing!
40
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:13,709
Where is Kinchloe?
41
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:14,833
Well, he'll be back.
42
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,467
He's in Hamilburg
shopping for dinner.
43
00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:18,381
Oh, please, Colonel Hogan!
44
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,449
Look, is it my fault Klink
always has open house
45
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:21,606
for the Berlin brass?
46
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,319
Colonel Hogan,
one of these days,
47
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,288
Kommandant Klink
is going to come here
48
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,090
and make a thorough roll call.
49
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:29,192
And you know what's going
to happen with Schultz?
50
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:30,526
Right to the Russian Front!
51
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:32,896
Don't tell me you're
afraid of a bunch of guys
52
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,097
who dance sitting down?
53
00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:38,223
Newkirk, what are you doing?
54
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,025
Cleaning your gun.
55
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,260
You see, Newkirk
has the proper spirit.
56
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,395
He's cleaning my gun...
57
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,397
My gun!
58
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,566
You stole my gun!
59
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:50,101
Klink's coming.
60
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:04,833
Achtung!
61
00:03:04,901 --> 00:03:06,947
Everything is in order,
Herr Kommandant!
62
00:03:08,973 --> 00:03:11,106
As it should be.
63
00:03:15,846 --> 00:03:17,612
I understand we
have another visitor
64
00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:18,880
coming to Stalag 13 tomorrow.
65
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,048
That's right.
66
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,383
Another prison camp commander
67
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:22,484
coming to take a course
68
00:03:22,552 --> 00:03:24,052
under the great Professor Klink?
69
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,354
Colonel Hogan,
70
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:28,056
Berlin considers this
the perfect prison camp,
71
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,292
and with all due modesty,
72
00:03:30,361 --> 00:03:32,321
considers me the
perfect commandant.
73
00:03:32,363 --> 00:03:35,330
Schultz, I want a close
watch kept on those men
74
00:03:35,399 --> 00:03:38,100
until the arrival
of Major Bonacelli.
75
00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:39,368
Bonacelli.
76
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:40,535
Italian.
77
00:03:40,604 --> 00:03:41,747
That's right.
78
00:03:41,771 --> 00:03:43,249
He is being sent
here from Capezio
79
00:03:43,273 --> 00:03:45,151
to study my
methods of discipline,
80
00:03:45,175 --> 00:03:47,876
organization and security.
81
00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:49,878
Do you give away your
secrets to a foreigner?
82
00:03:49,946 --> 00:03:52,058
Colonel Hogan, may I remind you
83
00:03:52,082 --> 00:03:54,394
that the Italians
are our allies.
84
00:03:54,418 --> 00:03:56,351
Don't remind me, remind them.
85
00:04:09,599 --> 00:04:11,165
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
86
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:13,034
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
87
00:04:13,102 --> 00:04:14,135
Come in.
88
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,622
Well, nice to hear
from you, Goldilocks.
89
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,903
Been trying to get in touch
with you since Monday.
90
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:23,161
We've been on a three day
pass and couldn't get to a phone.
91
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,546
Never mind the sarcasm.
92
00:04:24,614 --> 00:04:26,113
Anything to report?
93
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:27,302
No, we've had to lay low.
94
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,928
Things are kind
of hot around here.
95
00:04:28,952 --> 00:04:31,086
Commandant Klink is
training POW commanders,
96
00:04:31,154 --> 00:04:33,166
sort of an earn while
you learn program.
97
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,388
Is it clear now?
98
00:04:34,457 --> 00:04:36,069
Can we resume getting
the prisoners out?
99
00:04:36,093 --> 00:04:37,192
Can't do it yet.
100
00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:38,637
We've got a new
trainee arriving,
101
00:04:38,661 --> 00:04:40,328
an Italian major from Capezio.
102
00:04:40,396 --> 00:04:41,680
Capezio? The Allies are going
103
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,359
to be making a
landing there soon.
104
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,416
Good, it'll be
easier for you now.
105
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:47,318
They'll be one Italian short.
106
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:48,720
G-2 reports growing friction
107
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,633
between the Italians
and the Germans.
108
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,301
Maybe you can get
some information
109
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:54,270
regarding the defenses
at Capezio, huh?
110
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,788
We'll give it the
old college try.
111
00:04:55,812 --> 00:04:57,657
But his being a prison
camp commander means
112
00:04:57,681 --> 00:04:59,881
he'll be a rough,
tough character.
113
00:04:59,949 --> 00:05:02,316
You will do exactly
as I say, Corporale.
114
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:04,364
The road to the prison
camp is straight ahead.
115
00:05:04,388 --> 00:05:05,920
We are not going
to the prison camp.
116
00:05:05,989 --> 00:05:07,221
We are going to Switzerland.
117
00:05:07,290 --> 00:05:08,956
Schweinehund!
118
00:05:09,025 --> 00:05:10,392
You're a deserter.
119
00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:11,460
That's right.
120
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:12,560
Now, get driving.
121
00:05:12,629 --> 00:05:15,229
No. You can shoot me first.
122
00:05:15,298 --> 00:05:17,231
Why you want me to shoot you?
123
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,401
Come on, we go to Lake Lugano,
124
00:05:19,469 --> 00:05:21,669
we forget about the war, eh?
125
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:22,970
No.
126
00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:24,372
All right, Lake Lucerne.
127
00:05:24,441 --> 00:05:27,409
But remember, the food
is not so good as Lugano.
128
00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:29,310
Don't move, I shoot you!
129
00:05:29,379 --> 00:05:30,779
I warn you, stay away.
130
00:05:31,981 --> 00:05:33,698
I warn you.
131
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:38,336
A raid, a raid!
132
00:06:08,151 --> 00:06:09,250
Major Bonacelli.
133
00:06:09,319 --> 00:06:12,019
Si, Corporale.
134
00:06:12,088 --> 00:06:14,166
We are your escort
from Stalag 13.
135
00:06:14,190 --> 00:06:15,356
Grazie, grazie.
136
00:06:15,425 --> 00:06:16,791
Really I don't need an escort
137
00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:19,060
because I have a
wonderful sense of direction.
138
00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:20,428
Where's your driver?
139
00:06:20,497 --> 00:06:21,596
He ran away.
140
00:06:21,665 --> 00:06:23,030
He got frightened...
The air raid.
141
00:06:23,099 --> 00:06:24,566
He was very young,
just a bambino.
142
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,812
We will follow you.
143
00:06:25,836 --> 00:06:27,034
But, really, I don't need...
144
00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:29,014
We have our orders. Heil Hitler.
145
00:06:29,038 --> 00:06:31,238
Heil Hitler.
146
00:06:42,452 --> 00:06:44,285
Hi, Schultz.
147
00:06:44,354 --> 00:06:45,720
Hi.
148
00:06:45,789 --> 00:06:47,489
Why don't you get into the game?
149
00:06:47,557 --> 00:06:48,801
Jolly joker.
150
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,792
Come on, the exercise
will do you good, Schultz.
151
00:06:50,861 --> 00:06:52,360
You're getting a
little pudgy there.
152
00:06:52,428 --> 00:06:53,728
Old German saying:
153
00:06:53,797 --> 00:06:55,897
"Man with fat waistline
never catch pretty fraulein."
154
00:06:55,966 --> 00:06:57,276
Well, I catch pretty fraulein.
155
00:06:58,301 --> 00:06:59,634
Hey, fellas, let
Schultz in, huh?
156
00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:00,813
All right.
157
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,214
Oh, no, no, no...
Come on, come on.
158
00:07:02,238 --> 00:07:03,170
No, I-I cannot do it.
159
00:07:03,239 --> 00:07:04,359
It's against regulations.
160
00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:05,339
I'll hold your gun.
161
00:07:05,408 --> 00:07:06,508
Go, go.
162
00:07:06,576 --> 00:07:07,887
Let's see you go.
163
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:14,649
Come on, Schultzy, head it up!
164
00:07:14,718 --> 00:07:16,000
Oh!
165
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:19,254
Colonel Hogan.
166
00:07:19,322 --> 00:07:20,499
Oh, Colonel Klink.
167
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,357
This is Major Bonacelli
of the Italian Army.
168
00:07:22,425 --> 00:07:24,492
Colonel Hogan, our ranking
American officer here.
169
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:25,593
Oh.
170
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,545
Always nice to meet
one of our Allies.
171
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,480
They're our Allies.
172
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,616
I keep forgetting.
173
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,118
Colonel Klink,
174
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,031
you Germans run your
prison camps differently
175
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,420
than we Italians.
176
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:37,822
Oh, um, how is that?
177
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,003
Well, in our camps,
we have one firm rule.
178
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,794
No prisoner is
allowed to carry a gun.
179
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:46,197
That is an excellent rule. It...
180
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:48,933
Schultz!
181
00:07:51,788 --> 00:07:53,387
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
182
00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:54,622
Are you crazy?
183
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,357
Allowing a prisoner
to hold your gun?
184
00:07:56,426 --> 00:07:58,237
There is no danger,
Herr Kommandant.
185
00:07:58,261 --> 00:08:00,728
The gun is not loaded.
186
00:08:00,797 --> 00:08:01,941
That's our second rule.
187
00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:04,732
All guards must
carry loaded guns.
188
00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:08,236
Schultz, load your gun
and report to my office
189
00:08:08,305 --> 00:08:09,904
immediately.
190
00:08:09,973 --> 00:08:11,639
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
191
00:08:11,707 --> 00:08:13,574
Uh, Schultz.
192
00:08:13,643 --> 00:08:15,276
You forgot the gun.
193
00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:22,861
Major, don't judge the rest
194
00:08:22,885 --> 00:08:24,596
of Colonel Klink's
men by Schultz.
195
00:08:24,620 --> 00:08:26,966
The other guards have
bullets and everything.
196
00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:28,289
Have they?
197
00:08:28,357 --> 00:08:31,325
Hogan, you do not have to
give me a vote of confidence.
198
00:08:31,394 --> 00:08:35,429
I'm sure that Major Bonacelli
is very impressed by Stalag 13.
199
00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:36,909
Oh, this is a rough camp.
200
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,573
And you know how
tough the Germans can be.
201
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,167
Look at the way
Hitler treats Mussolini.
202
00:08:40,236 --> 00:08:41,435
Hogan!
203
00:08:41,504 --> 00:08:42,648
Come on, admit it, Colonel.
204
00:08:42,672 --> 00:08:43,972
You know he pushes him around.
205
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,974
Ever see a picture of
the two of them together?
206
00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:47,441
Benito is always to the back.
207
00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:48,876
But not for long.
208
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,923
You know you can
push a people so far.
209
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,347
One day, we Italiani, go...
210
00:08:54,484 --> 00:08:55,817
Heil Hitler.
211
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:57,885
Heil Hitler.
212
00:08:59,155 --> 00:09:01,522
Major, first shall we
inspect the guard towers?
213
00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:03,290
Oh.
214
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:05,337
Herr Kommandant,
Herr Kommandant!
215
00:09:05,361 --> 00:09:07,128
Yes, Langenscheidt, what is it?
216
00:09:07,196 --> 00:09:08,741
The Mess sergeant
would like to know
217
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,776
what you and your guest
would like for dinner.
218
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,936
Antipasto, minestrone,
a pasta al dente...
219
00:09:15,005 --> 00:09:16,437
Langenscheidt!
220
00:09:16,506 --> 00:09:18,539
We will have potato
soup, boiled potatoes,
221
00:09:18,608 --> 00:09:21,609
potato pancakes,
sauerkraut and sauerbraten.
222
00:09:21,678 --> 00:09:24,045
Ja, Herr Kommandant.
223
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,514
Bon appetite.
224
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,921
I think we can get to Bonacelli.
225
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,501
How are you going to do that?
226
00:09:35,525 --> 00:09:36,724
We'll work on his weaknesses.
227
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,403
Italians are very sentimental.
228
00:09:38,427 --> 00:09:39,672
Yeah, they love music.
229
00:09:39,696 --> 00:09:41,273
Well, anybody know the words
230
00:09:41,297 --> 00:09:42,508
to "Santa Lucia?"
231
00:09:42,532 --> 00:09:44,298
Food is the clincher.
232
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:46,000
LeBeau, how are you on pizza?
233
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:47,168
Pizza?!
234
00:09:47,236 --> 00:09:48,536
You would ask a Frenchman
235
00:09:48,604 --> 00:09:50,805
to cook a piece of
cardboard with tomato sauce?
236
00:09:50,874 --> 00:09:52,907
We swear not to tell anybody.
237
00:09:52,976 --> 00:09:54,208
Ask me to dig a tunnel, yes.
238
00:09:54,277 --> 00:09:56,210
To climb a barbed wire, yes.
239
00:09:56,279 --> 00:09:58,445
But to make a pizza, no.
240
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:01,649
We all have to make sacrifices.
241
00:10:01,717 --> 00:10:03,295
Okay. You'll have
to get me a recipe.
242
00:10:03,319 --> 00:10:04,497
All right, anybody here know
243
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,653
how to make a pizza?
244
00:10:05,721 --> 00:10:07,522
Hey, my father got a
pizza parlor in Newark.
245
00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:08,867
Oh, great, Garlotti.
246
00:10:08,891 --> 00:10:10,102
Give LeBeau the recipe.
247
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:11,426
I don't know it, but I'd be glad
248
00:10:11,494 --> 00:10:12,626
to write to him and get it.
249
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,373
Forget it. We don't
have that much time.
250
00:10:14,397 --> 00:10:15,517
Look, everybody scatter.
251
00:10:15,565 --> 00:10:17,309
Check every prisoner,
and don't come back
252
00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:18,544
without a recipe for pizza.
253
00:10:18,568 --> 00:10:19,711
All right, sir.
254
00:10:19,735 --> 00:10:22,270
Newkirk, do you have
a recipe for pizza?
255
00:10:24,674 --> 00:10:26,807
Goldilocks calling Momma Bear.
256
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,377
Goldilocks calling
Momma Bear. Come in.
257
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,347
Colonel, you mean to tell
me, in this whole prison camp
258
00:10:33,416 --> 00:10:35,416
you couldn't find
a recipe for pizza?
259
00:10:35,485 --> 00:10:37,663
No. I got a recipe
for shish kabob,
260
00:10:37,687 --> 00:10:39,665
egg foo yong, enchiladas,
261
00:10:39,689 --> 00:10:42,209
Yorkshire pudding
and matzo balls.
262
00:10:44,194 --> 00:10:47,128
You want to get through
to Garlotti's Pizzeria
263
00:10:47,197 --> 00:10:48,696
in Newark?
264
00:10:48,764 --> 00:10:49,680
That's right.
265
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:52,050
May I ask what for?
266
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:53,645
We'd like to make reservations
267
00:10:53,669 --> 00:10:54,880
for dinner tonight.
268
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,904
There'll be 103 at 7:30.
269
00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:58,306
You know, Hogan,
270
00:10:58,374 --> 00:10:59,940
if you weren't one
of their prisoners,
271
00:11:00,009 --> 00:11:01,875
you'd be one of ours.
272
00:11:01,944 --> 00:11:03,806
Look, we're trying to
get some information
273
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,741
out of that Italian
major I told you about.
274
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:06,976
We need a recipe for pizza.
275
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,682
Maybe you'd like to
have us send you over
276
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,318
a couple of bottles of red wine.
277
00:11:10,386 --> 00:11:11,581
You don't have to bother.
278
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,315
We already made
that this afternoon.
279
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,572
All right, we'll call London.
280
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,141
Stand by, Goldilocks.
281
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,158
Momma Bear calling Poppa Bear.
282
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,282
Momma Bear calling Poppa Bear.
283
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:29,453
This is Poppa Bear.
284
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,955
Go ahead, Momma Bear.
285
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,156
We want to get in touch
286
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:35,126
with Garlotti's
Pizzeria in Newark.
287
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,410
Right.
288
00:11:36,479 --> 00:11:39,147
Stand by, Momma Bear.
289
00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:40,347
Captain Henderson?
290
00:11:40,416 --> 00:11:41,593
Yes, Sergeant?
291
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:43,684
I just got a call
from Momma Bear
292
00:11:43,753 --> 00:11:45,452
wanting to be put in touch
293
00:11:45,521 --> 00:11:47,889
with a Garlotti's
Pizzeria in Newark.
294
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,041
Garlotti's Pizzeria?
295
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:51,626
Shall we alert G-2?
296
00:11:51,694 --> 00:11:54,595
Perhaps we ought to send over
a man to decode this message.
297
00:11:54,664 --> 00:11:57,365
We haven't got any
pizzerias in our code.
298
00:11:57,433 --> 00:11:59,367
Try again.
299
00:11:59,435 --> 00:12:02,720
Momma Bear, this is Poppa Bear.
300
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,722
Repeat, please.
301
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,123
We want to get in touch
302
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:09,460
with Garlotti's
Pizzeria in Newark.
303
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,997
Is that really you, Momma Bear?
304
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,415
It's really me.
305
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,717
Now, get us through
to the pizzeria.
306
00:12:16,786 --> 00:12:18,964
Look here, Momma
Bear, you'll just have to eat
307
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,755
the same rations
as the rest of us.
308
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,891
We don't want the pizzas.
309
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,093
We just want the recipe.
310
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:29,197
I think you've been
under water too long.
311
00:12:29,265 --> 00:12:31,232
I suggest you surface.
312
00:12:31,301 --> 00:12:34,202
The recipe is not for
us. It's for Goldilocks.
313
00:12:34,270 --> 00:12:38,239
Oh. I should have known.
314
00:12:48,218 --> 00:12:53,487
Garlotti's Pizzeria.
Garlotti speaking.
315
00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:55,489
London calling?
316
00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:59,493
Yes, this is Captain Henderson,
Supreme Allied Headquarters.
317
00:12:59,562 --> 00:13:02,429
No, Mr. Garlotti,
your son is fine.
318
00:13:02,498 --> 00:13:04,431
Yes, he's still in
the prison camp,
319
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,834
but he's in good
health and good spirits.
320
00:13:06,903 --> 00:13:09,770
Oh, thank you,
thank you very much.
321
00:13:09,839 --> 00:13:14,441
What? You want
my recipe for pizza?
322
00:13:14,510 --> 00:13:16,944
Sure. Well, first...
323
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:19,280
you take two cloves of garlic,
324
00:13:19,349 --> 00:13:22,116
a half a pound
of Italian sausage,
325
00:13:22,185 --> 00:13:26,854
two tablespoons oregano
and a pinch more garlic...
326
00:13:26,923 --> 00:13:30,791
Half cup mushroom
ends and pieces...
327
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:34,262
A half a cup mushroom
ends and pieces.
328
00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:36,463
One can of tomato paste...
329
00:13:36,532 --> 00:13:39,133
three tablespoons
of parmesan cheese,
330
00:13:39,202 --> 00:13:40,368
uh, grated...
331
00:13:40,436 --> 00:13:42,031
Two tablespoons of shortening,
332
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,989
one cup of flour,
teaspoon of olive oil.
333
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:50,228
Got it. Now, ask him if he
knows the words to "Santa Lucia".
334
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:52,780
"Santa Lucia"?
335
00:13:52,848 --> 00:13:54,282
"Santa Lucia"?
336
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,849
"Santa Lucia"?
337
00:13:55,919 --> 00:14:00,487
♪ Santa Lucia ♪
338
00:14:00,556 --> 00:14:07,494
♪ Santa... Lucia. ♪
339
00:14:10,833 --> 00:14:13,267
Major, did you
enjoy your dinner?
340
00:14:13,336 --> 00:14:15,102
I couldn't eat.
341
00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:17,104
For some reason,
I wasn't hungry.
342
00:14:17,173 --> 00:14:18,605
Too bad.
343
00:14:18,674 --> 00:14:22,276
It has been a long time
since I had potato soup,
344
00:14:22,345 --> 00:14:25,279
boiled potatoes,
potato pancakes,
345
00:14:25,348 --> 00:14:30,784
sauerkraut and sauerbraten.
346
00:14:30,853 --> 00:14:33,787
They're playing our song.
347
00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:36,424
Yeah, our prisoners
are very happy.
348
00:14:47,903 --> 00:14:51,805
Mamma mia. Pizza.
349
00:14:51,874 --> 00:14:53,474
Smells good.
350
00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:55,843
Yes. Seems to be coming
from those barracks over there.
351
00:14:55,911 --> 00:14:57,811
Yeah. S-Sergeant,
352
00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,481
I think I'm going to
inspect those barracks...
353
00:15:00,549 --> 00:15:02,816
Yeah. Alone.
354
00:15:06,689 --> 00:15:08,822
Here he comes.
Everybody in position.
355
00:15:12,862 --> 00:15:14,095
Signori...
356
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,929
Oh, hi, Major. Bona sera.
357
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,098
What can we do for you?
358
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,100
Uh... I know this sounds absurd,
359
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:22,936
but I thought I
smelled... pizza.
360
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,305
Pizza?
361
00:15:24,374 --> 00:15:25,306
Oh, oh, really?
362
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:26,485
And as a matter of fact,
363
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:29,443
it smells just like the pizza...
364
00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,278
Mama used to make.
365
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:32,913
One of the regrets of my life
366
00:15:32,982 --> 00:15:34,781
is I wasn't shot
down over Italy.
367
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,162
Now, listen, I know there's
a pizza in these barracks.
368
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,497
If it's a matter of money...
369
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:39,753
Money?
370
00:15:39,822 --> 00:15:42,001
I'll bet even the
Germans in Capezio
371
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,469
eat a lot of pizzas, don't they?
372
00:15:43,493 --> 00:15:45,759
Oh, yes, they do.
373
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:51,865
Yes, they do.
374
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,969
Now, offhand, how many pizzas
375
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:58,017
would you say the
German soldiers eat a day,
376
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,641
figuring two per soldier?
377
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,576
Well, that's a secret.
378
00:16:02,645 --> 00:16:07,415
Oh, uh... t-t-two
pizzas, one soldier, uh...
379
00:16:07,483 --> 00:16:11,585
106,000 pizzas.
380
00:16:11,654 --> 00:16:15,089
Hundred and six thousand...
381
00:16:15,158 --> 00:16:16,857
Divide by two.
382
00:16:16,926 --> 00:16:21,095
Sit down, Major.
Garcon! Wine steward!
383
00:16:21,164 --> 00:16:24,265
Oh, garlic, like
a breath of home.
384
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:27,168
Wait till you taste
the wine. Oh?
385
00:16:28,671 --> 00:16:31,939
It's a vintage wine,
aged almost two weeks.
386
00:16:33,842 --> 00:16:36,210
Never I think I'm going to
find something like this here.
387
00:16:36,279 --> 00:16:37,445
We have a master chef.
388
00:16:37,513 --> 00:16:38,990
Oh, I can't take all the credit.
389
00:16:39,014 --> 00:16:40,492
We got a recipe from his father.
390
00:16:40,516 --> 00:16:41,993
My father owns
Garlotti's Pizzeria
391
00:16:42,017 --> 00:16:43,484
in Newark. Oh, good.
392
00:16:43,553 --> 00:16:45,363
You give me the address...
I'm going to look him up, uh,
393
00:16:45,387 --> 00:16:46,765
right away I get
to America, huh?
394
00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:48,434
Oh, you plan on going to
the States after the war?
395
00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:50,624
What after? During!
396
00:16:50,693 --> 00:16:52,460
Wait a minute.
397
00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:54,394
You're not going back to Italy?
398
00:16:54,464 --> 00:16:56,464
And fight for the
Germans? Never.
399
00:16:56,532 --> 00:16:58,165
Uh, why don't you fight for us?
400
00:16:58,233 --> 00:16:59,851
Join your army?
401
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:03,838
No, no, no. Go back to
Capezio and be an agent for us.
402
00:17:03,906 --> 00:17:05,784
I could be shot for being a spy.
403
00:17:05,808 --> 00:17:08,241
Well, you're not really
a spy. You're in uniform.
404
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:10,911
In uniform, they're going to
shoot me for being a traitor.
405
00:17:10,980 --> 00:17:12,680
Please, not while I'm eating.
406
00:17:12,748 --> 00:17:14,643
Just think what you could
be doing for your country.
407
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,078
You could help
shorten the war in Italy.
408
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:18,602
Could also shorten my life.
409
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,572
Men.
410
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:29,491
Think of the children
laughing and playing again
411
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:30,826
in the streets of Milano.
412
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,117
The donkey carts
once more clattering
413
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,586
along the cobblestones
in Portofino.
414
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:39,423
And the pigeons returning
to the Piazza San Marco.
415
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:43,894
And your mama mia standing
in the doorway, holding a pizza.
416
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:47,732
You had to say that, huh?
417
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,900
It's for your country
as well as ours.
418
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,386
All right, I gonna do it.
419
00:17:52,454 --> 00:17:53,687
You'll be our contact.
420
00:17:53,756 --> 00:17:55,667
Si, but on one
condition. What's that?
421
00:17:55,691 --> 00:18:01,228
That your papa give my mama
the recipe for this pizza. Oh!
422
00:18:01,296 --> 00:18:07,300
♪ Santa Lucia! ♪
423
00:18:08,470 --> 00:18:10,070
Thank you, Colonel Klink,
424
00:18:10,139 --> 00:18:12,618
for the kindness you've
extended to me during my visit.
425
00:18:12,642 --> 00:18:14,742
Major Bonacelli, I
hope that your stay here
426
00:18:14,810 --> 00:18:16,577
has been both
informative and pleasant.
427
00:18:16,646 --> 00:18:20,581
And now you know how a
prison camp should be run.
428
00:18:22,484 --> 00:18:26,253
Of course, I could never hope
to be a commander such as you.
429
00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:29,423
That's true. There
is only one Klink.
430
00:18:29,491 --> 00:18:31,637
Well, I'm on to Germany.
I may as well get started.
431
00:18:31,661 --> 00:18:35,095
Arrivederci. Traitor! Deserter!
432
00:18:35,164 --> 00:18:37,264
This man obviously
needs medical attention.
433
00:18:37,332 --> 00:18:39,099
I'm sure you want
to get on with it. Ciao.
434
00:18:39,168 --> 00:18:42,335
Just a minute! Corporal,
what is the meaning of this?
435
00:18:42,404 --> 00:18:43,549
What's going on?
436
00:18:43,573 --> 00:18:45,505
Our friend
Bonacelli's in trouble.
437
00:18:45,575 --> 00:18:48,153
This coward was trying
to desert to Switzerland.
438
00:18:48,177 --> 00:18:50,322
He thought I was
killed in the air raid.
439
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:51,445
Arrest that man!
440
00:18:51,514 --> 00:18:53,280
Would you believe a
man with a head wound?
441
00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:54,993
Of course. He's
a German soldier.
442
00:18:55,017 --> 00:18:57,685
Take him to the cooler.
443
00:18:57,753 --> 00:19:00,304
Well, there goes
our man in Capezio.
444
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:03,073
You think there's a chance
Bonacelli can clear himself?
445
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,744
No chance. It's his
word against the German.
446
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,079
Let's try and get
him out to the sub.
447
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,749
That's a possibility, but he's
more valuable to us in Italy.
448
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,595
But he can't go back
to his camp in Italy.
449
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:15,464
They think he's a
traitor. That's the point.
450
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,088
We've got to convince
Klink that he's a loyal officer.
451
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:21,258
Colonel, why don't
we reopen tunnel five?
452
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,305
I could go out under
the wire in the fence,
453
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,807
and then we could
get Bonacelli...
454
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,767
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
455
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:33,671
That's not it, Carter,
but you're warm.
456
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:57,944
Oh... Colonel Hogan.
457
00:19:58,013 --> 00:19:59,480
Shh! Follow me.
458
00:19:59,548 --> 00:20:00,648
We escaping?
459
00:20:00,716 --> 00:20:02,261
Temporarily. You'll
be coming back.
460
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:05,018
Coming back? You must be crazy.
461
00:20:05,087 --> 00:20:06,298
There's going to
be a big escape,
462
00:20:06,322 --> 00:20:07,562
and you're going to capture us.
463
00:20:07,590 --> 00:20:09,234
I'm going to make you
a big hero in Germany.
464
00:20:09,258 --> 00:20:12,726
I'd rather be a little
coward in Switzerland.
465
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,194
Come on.
466
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:20,484
Yes, Herr General, we
suspect the Italian major
467
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,985
of attempting desertion.
468
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,987
Mm-hmm. Good, sir.
469
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,867
I shall give you
a complete report
470
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,702
as soon as I finish
my investigation.
471
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,326
Yes, sir. Yes.
472
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,206
Herr Kommandant, Herr
Komm... Shh! Schultz,
473
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,497
I'm talking to Berlin
on the telephone.
474
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:37,000
Yes, Herr General, it was
all done in the line of duty.
475
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,336
Herr Kommandant! Shh! Schultz!
476
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:43,174
I, uh, hope you will
mention this to Headquarters
477
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:46,177
the next time they
discuss promotions.
478
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,345
Mm-hmm. Yes, sir.
479
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:51,014
Thank you, Herr
General, thank you.
480
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,849
Now, Schultz, what is it?
481
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,352
Herr Kommandant, there...
482
00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,188
has been an escape!
483
00:20:58,207 --> 00:20:59,207
What?
484
00:20:59,274 --> 00:21:00,941
I don't know how it happened.
485
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,987
Do you know what that
means to my reputation
486
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:05,212
if one of my prisoners escapes?
487
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,948
It was not one, Herr Kommandant.
488
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,844
You mean two of my
prisoners escaped?
489
00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:10,868
Ten.
490
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,304
Ten prisoners escaped?
491
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:16,807
Eleven, if you count
the Italian major.
492
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:21,479
Do you know what happens
when Berlin finds out about this?
493
00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:24,882
They will make me a prisoner!
494
00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:33,535
Hey, buddy, where you been?
495
00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:35,337
What took you so
long? Where's Bonacelli?
496
00:21:35,361 --> 00:21:37,473
Well, he should be here.
He was the first one out.
497
00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:39,575
Well, he's not here. I
hate to say this, Colonel,
498
00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:41,959
but I think we might've made
a mistake about Bonacelli.
499
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,667
He's probably on his
way to Switzerland.
500
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:45,836
But he promised.
501
00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:48,171
You can't win a
man over with a pizza
502
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,308
and eight bars of
"Santa Lucia"! Bonacelli!
503
00:21:51,377 --> 00:21:53,421
Am I glad to see you
fellows. Are you all right?
504
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:55,123
Uh, just let me sit
down, rest a minute.
505
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,392
You can't sit down... you
got to march us back to camp.
506
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:59,227
I'll never make it.
You've got to make it.
507
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:01,497
The whole woods's crawling
with krauts looking for us.
508
00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:02,887
I can't move another step.
509
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:05,166
Kinch, Newkirk, pick him
up, carry him back, come on.
510
00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:13,892
Well, Langenscheidt?
511
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:15,627
No sign of the prisoners,
Herr Kommandant.
512
00:22:15,651 --> 00:22:19,086
And you call yourself
a German Shepherd?
513
00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:22,790
He's doing the best he
can, Herr Kommandant.
514
00:22:22,858 --> 00:22:26,043
Mm-hmm. He couldn't
find a can of dog food.
515
00:22:27,379 --> 00:22:29,146
Mm! Put him on report!
516
00:22:29,214 --> 00:22:30,380
Take him away.
517
00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:33,984
Schultz, I can't believe it.
518
00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:37,154
My men cannot find even one
of the ten escaped prisoners.
519
00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:39,367
Eleven, if you include
the Italian major.
520
00:22:39,391 --> 00:22:42,159
Schultz, always a big mouth.
521
00:22:42,227 --> 00:22:46,964
Uh, Herr Kommandant,
maybe I go out and look.
522
00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:51,168
You couldn't find your
way back to the camp.
523
00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:01,079
Hold up.
524
00:23:02,414 --> 00:23:06,014
Major Bonacelli
returning your prisoners.
525
00:23:07,252 --> 00:23:09,497
I really have to hand it to
you, Klink... you outsmarted me.
526
00:23:09,521 --> 00:23:11,589
I did? Yeah, staging
that phony arrest
527
00:23:11,657 --> 00:23:13,624
so we'd think the
major was on our side.
528
00:23:13,693 --> 00:23:17,461
They make the mistake of
thinking I was a traitor to the Fuhrer.
529
00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:19,063
Heil Hitler.
530
00:23:19,131 --> 00:23:20,798
Heil Hitler. Schultz!
531
00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:22,967
These men are to be
thrown in the cooler,
532
00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:25,636
and Colonel Hogan will
be confined to the barracks.
533
00:23:25,705 --> 00:23:29,940
I will show you that no
one escapes from Stalag 13.
534
00:23:30,009 --> 00:23:31,174
We should've known better.
535
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,310
We couldn't even escape
from your star pupil.
536
00:23:33,378 --> 00:23:35,312
What chance have we
got against the old master?
537
00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:37,247
All right, men,
538
00:23:37,316 --> 00:23:39,316
forward, hut!
539
00:23:46,225 --> 00:23:47,408
You sent for me, Colonel?
540
00:23:47,476 --> 00:23:50,143
Mm-hmm. I have a
letter here from Italy.
541
00:23:50,213 --> 00:23:51,978
Thanks. I don't save stamps.
542
00:23:52,047 --> 00:23:53,146
I think Kinch does.
543
00:23:53,216 --> 00:23:56,483
It's from Major Bonacelli.
544
00:23:56,552 --> 00:23:59,653
Bonacelli? Oh, yeah,
yeah, your star pupil.
545
00:23:59,722 --> 00:24:01,422
Hey, is there going
to be a class reunion?
546
00:24:01,490 --> 00:24:05,292
I think you will be very
interested in what he has to say.
547
00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:07,706
Well, if it's military secrets,
I don't want to hear it.
548
00:24:07,730 --> 00:24:09,107
You know what a
big mouth I have.
549
00:24:09,131 --> 00:24:10,598
He has asked me to tell you
550
00:24:10,666 --> 00:24:14,801
that all his American prisoners
are working 16 hours a day.
551
00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:16,848
What kind of work are
the prisoners forced to do?
552
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:18,138
Making pizzas.
553
00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:19,440
Pizzas?
554
00:24:19,508 --> 00:24:21,609
And he insisted
that I read you this:
555
00:24:21,677 --> 00:24:22,843
"Last week,
556
00:24:22,911 --> 00:24:26,614
"my prisoners made
110,000 pizzas,
557
00:24:26,682 --> 00:24:30,984
and next week, we will
push them to 120,000 pizzas."
558
00:24:34,757 --> 00:24:38,792
You see, Hogan, never
underestimate your enemy.
559
00:24:38,861 --> 00:24:42,396
Some people think the Italians
aren't with you all the way.
39776
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