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1
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:07,239
CBS presents this
program in color.
2
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,364
Halt!
3
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:09,067
Easy, Schultz, it's
only me, Carter.
4
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,269
Oh. You scared me.
5
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,338
Light.
6
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:19,911
Hold this.
7
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:39,030
Hey, hey, hey, hey. My rifle.
8
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:40,832
Sorry, Schultz.
9
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:45,771
I don't keep it loaded.
10
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,908
Thanks for the light, Schultz.
11
00:02:10,581 --> 00:02:13,748
Hello, Mama Bear.
Hello, Mama Bear.
12
00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:14,816
This is Goldilocks.
13
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:20,589
Mama Bear to Goldilocks,
stand by for transmission.
14
00:02:20,624 --> 00:02:22,858
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
15
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,392
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
16
00:02:24,428 --> 00:02:26,929
All the King's horses
and all the King's men
17
00:02:26,964 --> 00:02:29,865
could not put Humpty
Dumpty back together again,
18
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:33,602
even though they tried
for two days. Over and out.
19
00:02:33,637 --> 00:02:34,681
What's it mean?
20
00:02:34,705 --> 00:02:36,004
Yeah, what is it?
21
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,084
He'll finish. Hold it, hold it one
minute, one minute, one minute.
22
00:02:38,108 --> 00:02:39,675
What?
23
00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:43,612
All right. "Probing raid,
repeat probing raid.
24
00:02:43,647 --> 00:02:46,081
"Not an invasion.
25
00:02:46,116 --> 00:02:49,451
"Sector Q-19, 48 hours.
26
00:02:49,486 --> 00:02:51,753
"Birthday present for Adolf.
27
00:02:51,789 --> 00:02:54,690
"Need latest information
troop movements your area.
28
00:02:54,725 --> 00:02:56,725
"Last transmission
1500 hours tomorrow.
29
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,393
"Following that, radio silence.
30
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:02,464
Cease all escape
activity. Surprise essential."
31
00:03:02,499 --> 00:03:03,543
What a birthday present, huh?
32
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:05,045
We're really going
to give it to 'em, huh?
33
00:03:05,069 --> 00:03:06,034
See how the Krauts like it.
34
00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:07,035
Hold it, hold it!
35
00:03:07,071 --> 00:03:08,604
This is a reconnaissance job.
36
00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:10,939
I need a volunteer
who's got plenty of guts
37
00:03:10,975 --> 00:03:11,940
and can move fast.
38
00:03:11,976 --> 00:03:13,352
Oh, you can depend
on us, Colonel.
39
00:03:13,376 --> 00:03:15,021
Oh, yeah, we'll figure
somebody to send.
40
00:03:15,045 --> 00:03:16,155
Sure, one of us
will be glad to go.
41
00:03:16,179 --> 00:03:17,190
Come on. I said volunteer.
42
00:03:17,214 --> 00:03:18,592
I can't order you to go
on a mission like this.
43
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:21,950
Now, who's going to step
forward and take this job?
44
00:03:21,986 --> 00:03:23,585
Thank you, LeBeau.
45
00:03:24,521 --> 00:03:25,954
I didn't move a muscle.
46
00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:28,550
You've got that volunteer look.
47
00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:31,893
That's how I got married.
48
00:03:31,929 --> 00:03:33,929
"Volunteer" the same way.
49
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,502
Goldilocks calling Mama Bear.
Goldilocks calling Mama Bear.
50
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:34,906
Come in, Mama Bear, come in.
51
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,575
It's no use, Colonel.
They've shut down.
52
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,946
They warned us: radio
silence till after the raid.
53
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,591
Missed them by
less than two hours.
54
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,760
Gee, I couldn't help
from being late, Colonel.
55
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:45,750
A patrol stopped me.
56
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,797
The area was
crawling with Krauts.
57
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,632
I had to make a big
detour to get back.
58
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,067
You could have
moved a little faster.
59
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,768
Oh, yeah? I'm dressed
like an old woman.
60
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,203
And why would a little old woman
61
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:55,193
be running through the woods?
62
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,239
You tell me that.
63
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:57,395
You could always say
64
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,831
you were being chased
by a little old man.
65
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,377
All right. All right, all right.
66
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:02,367
Knock it off.
67
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:03,413
We got a problem.
68
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:04,713
Headquarters doesn't know
69
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:06,549
they've moved in
a gun emplacement
70
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,906
and we don't have
any communications.
71
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,019
The map.
72
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:13,078
Shmeckhausen is the
reference point, Colonel.
73
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:19,184
All right, Schmeckburg,
Schmeckhof, Shmeckstadt.
74
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,853
Here it is, Shmeckhausen.
75
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,389
That battery commands a
whole section of the beach.
76
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:26,102
Exactly. They'll smash the raid
77
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,271
before it gets started.
78
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,339
Sitting ducks.
79
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,406
How many guns?
80
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:33,965
I counted twelve; all 88s.
81
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,078
Oh, murder.
82
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,879
If only we could knock 'em out.
83
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:39,637
Hey, maybe hand grenades
would do a little damage.
84
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,340
It's 15 miles
from here at least.
85
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:43,908
I'll warm up my pitching arm.
86
00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:45,110
Well, let's face it.
87
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,712
Adolf's going to have a
nice present for his birthday:
88
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:50,448
Allied landing knocked
out before it starts.
89
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,118
If only we could...
90
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,685
LeBeau.
91
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,532
Did I volunteer for
something again?
92
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:57,522
You're beautiful!
93
00:05:57,557 --> 00:05:58,589
I am?
94
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:01,692
You said the magic
word, "Adolf's birthday."
95
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,473
What are the forgery
boys working on?
96
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:04,497
Fake raffle tickets.
97
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,464
We've been selling
them to the Krauts.
98
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,610
Raffle tickets?
99
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,178
Yeah. It's an all-expense-
paid trip to New Orleans
100
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,380
for the Mardi Gras.
101
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,414
It's for after the war.
102
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,116
All right, look, tell them
I need a set of orders
103
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,484
for the commander
of that gun battery.
104
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,508
You got it.
105
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,619
Newkirk, I need a motorcycle
106
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,887
and a sidecar from the car pool.
107
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,077
You got it.
108
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,323
I need some German uniforms.
109
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,558
Uh, make 'em infantry,
enlisted men for a change.
110
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:23,548
You got it.
111
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:24,760
All right, let me see:
112
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,984
we got uniforms,
orders, transportation.
113
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,031
Did I forget anything?
114
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,954
Yeah, how about
assigning a couple of guys
115
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,289
to help me off with my girdle?
116
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:32,604
You got 'em.
117
00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:43,435
"In keeping with orders from
the Commanding General,
118
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:44,569
"Fourth Army Group,
119
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,804
"military units will show
respect and affection
120
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:50,041
"for our beloved Fuhrer
with proper celebration
121
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,009
"to be enjoyed by all ranks.
122
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:54,845
"Details for your
relief for this purpose
123
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,014
"are to be worked
out with the bearer,
124
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,849
"Captain Hoganburg.
125
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:01,986
Signed, Colonel commanding..."
126
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,021
I can hardly make
out this signature.
127
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,601
The Colonel's a very busy man,
128
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:06,835
administrative details and...
129
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:07,825
Hoopleman!
130
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:10,395
Who gave you
permission to be at ease?
131
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,807
Stand at attention! Achtung!
132
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:14,399
Jawohl, Herr Kapitan!
133
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,501
You have to keep
after them every minute.
134
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:17,868
As you were saying, Major.
135
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:19,170
According to these orders,
136
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:21,646
you are to relieve me for the
Fuhrer's birthday celebration.
137
00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:23,252
Yes, sir. I have a
small detachment
138
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,921
on temporary patrol
in Shmeckhausen.
139
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,711
At your service, sir.
140
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:30,448
Ah! Does Headquarters
expect a squad of infantry
141
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:33,218
to relieve experienced
artillery men?
142
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:39,290
Major, may I suggest you confirm
the orders with headquarters?
143
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:41,159
Ja, an excellent idea.
144
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,727
I will do just that.
145
00:07:45,582 --> 00:07:46,915
Hello, this is
146
00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:49,818
Wilhelmstrasse Zwei
calling Bismarck Vierzehn.
147
00:07:49,853 --> 00:07:53,287
Hello, this is
Bismarck Vierzehn.
148
00:07:53,323 --> 00:07:54,333
This is Major Keitel.
149
00:07:54,357 --> 00:07:56,135
I wish to speak with
Colonel Stimmer.
150
00:07:56,159 --> 00:07:58,894
Jawohl, Herr Major.
151
00:07:58,929 --> 00:08:00,762
Colonel, it's Major Keitel
152
00:08:00,797 --> 00:08:02,008
of Wilhelmstrasse Zwei.
153
00:08:02,032 --> 00:08:03,932
Colonel Stimmer speaking.
154
00:08:03,967 --> 00:08:05,000
Heil Hitler.
155
00:08:05,035 --> 00:08:05,901
Heil Hitler.
156
00:08:05,936 --> 00:08:07,835
Heil Hitler. Heil Hitler.
157
00:08:07,871 --> 00:08:09,337
Hoopleman!
158
00:08:09,373 --> 00:08:11,672
Colonel, I have your orders,
159
00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:14,009
and I wish to confirm
the Fuhrer's birthday.
160
00:08:14,044 --> 00:08:18,229
Ah, you wish to confirm
our beloved leader's birthday.
161
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:21,266
That is very kind of you, Major.
162
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:24,835
I only hope for your sake
the Gestapo is not listening.
163
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:26,504
Sir, you misunderstood...
164
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:31,042
You will carry out
your orders to the letter.
165
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,410
That is an order. Understood?
166
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,279
And Major,
167
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,447
it has been reported to me
168
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:39,083
that the buildings on
your post need attention.
169
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:43,454
Well, sir, we could use
a little fixing up and...
170
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:47,576
See that it is done before the
beloved Fuhrer's birthday party.
171
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,178
There may be press
here from Berlin.
172
00:08:50,213 --> 00:08:51,947
And Major...
173
00:08:51,982 --> 00:08:53,414
that is an order, understood?
174
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,549
Understood, sir!
175
00:08:54,585 --> 00:08:55,866
Heil Hitler.
176
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:56,734
Heil Hitler.
177
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:57,780
Heil Hitler.
178
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,524
Heil Hitler! Hoopleman!
179
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,640
Let me talk to
Captain Hoganburg.
180
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,209
Yes, sir. Heil Hitler.
181
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:07,478
The Colonel wants you, Captain.
182
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,259
Hello?
183
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,383
Captain Hoganburg speaking.
184
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:14,658
Oh, yes, sir. Fine,
thank you, sir.
185
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:19,724
A case of Rhine wine
and a case of schnapps.
186
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:22,626
Quarts, not the fifths.
187
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,162
I understand, sir.
188
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,477
To your headquarters.
189
00:09:26,416 --> 00:09:27,916
Consider it done, sir.
190
00:09:27,951 --> 00:09:29,985
Heil Hitler.
191
00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:31,998
May I tell you something
in confidence, sir?
192
00:09:32,022 --> 00:09:33,354
Of course.
193
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,971
There is a drinking problem.
194
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:39,427
Pressure of the war.
195
00:09:39,462 --> 00:09:41,229
Really?
196
00:09:41,264 --> 00:09:42,563
That would account
197
00:09:42,599 --> 00:09:44,666
for the strange way he sounded.
198
00:09:44,701 --> 00:09:46,367
Has Berlin been told?
199
00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:48,436
Bah! You know their answer.
200
00:09:48,471 --> 00:09:49,548
"What kind of
schnapps does he like?
201
00:09:49,572 --> 00:09:51,706
We'll send him a case."
202
00:09:51,742 --> 00:09:52,774
Extraordinary.
203
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:55,910
Yes. And a tough
man. They know it.
204
00:09:55,946 --> 00:09:57,646
Ja, so do I.
205
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,280
He's ordered me
to clean up my post
206
00:09:59,315 --> 00:10:01,850
in time for the Fuhrer's
birthday celebration.
207
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:03,184
Impossible!
208
00:10:03,219 --> 00:10:06,021
I have no men to spare
for this kind of work.
209
00:10:06,056 --> 00:10:09,524
Major, you have
heard of Luft Stalag 13?
210
00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:12,160
A prisoner of war camp a
few miles from here, isn't it?
211
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:16,064
Crowded with able-bodied
prisoners of war.
212
00:10:16,099 --> 00:10:17,276
Might I suggest
213
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:19,345
that you borrow a
few to do the work?
214
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:23,038
Excellent suggestion, Captain.
215
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:28,109
Enemies of the Third
Reich help with preparations
216
00:10:28,145 --> 00:10:30,478
for the Fuhrer's birthday.
217
00:10:30,513 --> 00:10:31,813
Nice touch, eh?
218
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:34,399
Be good to put the
schwein to work.
219
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:38,153
Tell me, Captain, do you happen
to know the Commandant's name
220
00:10:38,188 --> 00:10:39,254
at Stalag 13?
221
00:10:39,289 --> 00:10:40,455
I'll call him.
222
00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:43,658
Klink, Colonel Wilhelm Klink.
223
00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:45,576
Full Colonel?
224
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,606
Yes, but a typical desk officer.
225
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:49,363
He's never been in combat.
226
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:52,834
I think he would faint at
the sight of a rare steak.
227
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,188
Hoopleman!
228
00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:59,390
Who gave you
permission to laugh?
229
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,503
Wipe that smile off your face!
230
00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:03,828
Achtung!
231
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,676
If you have no further
need for me, sir...
232
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:09,718
Captain Hoganburg,
a great pleasure.
233
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,168
You have been very helpful.
234
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,871
Danke, sir. I've tried.
Auf Wiedersehen.
235
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:15,072
Auf Wiedersehen.
236
00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:18,810
Hoopleman! Right face!
237
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:23,314
Achtung! Forward march!
238
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,153
My wife's brother.
239
00:11:40,316 --> 00:11:43,051
Mmm...
240
00:11:45,355 --> 00:11:48,990
This is the only way to
fight the war. You know that.
241
00:11:49,025 --> 00:11:53,161
Yeah, but I wish that we
would be on the same side.
242
00:11:53,196 --> 00:11:54,495
I'll come over.
243
00:11:56,967 --> 00:12:00,607
I only see you a few
minutes at a time.
244
00:12:01,772 --> 00:12:05,807
Helga, how would you like to
go to a party tomorrow night?
245
00:12:05,842 --> 00:12:06,808
Wunderbar!
246
00:12:06,843 --> 00:12:08,542
Oh, I love parties.
247
00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:10,389
But what is the occasion?
248
00:12:10,413 --> 00:12:12,147
Hitler's birthday.
249
00:12:12,182 --> 00:12:14,082
Oh.
250
00:12:14,117 --> 00:12:16,557
Well, maybe we'll have
a good time anyway.
251
00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:19,387
I was thinking...
252
00:12:19,422 --> 00:12:22,824
Perhaps if you invited
some of your girlfriends...
253
00:12:22,859 --> 00:12:25,860
Blondes, brunettes, redheads,
a nice assortment, you know...
254
00:12:25,896 --> 00:12:27,662
I'd arrange to have
you all picked up
255
00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:29,197
and taken over to Shmeckhausen.
256
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:30,342
Shmeckhausen?
257
00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:33,067
But there's nothing
in Shmeckhausen.
258
00:12:33,103 --> 00:12:36,370
We're arranging
something right now.
259
00:12:36,406 --> 00:12:38,840
And how will you
get out of camp?
260
00:12:41,278 --> 00:12:43,111
Don't go away.
261
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,101
Major Keitel, it is impossible.
262
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:53,271
I cannot let any of my prisoners
out of camp for such a purpose.
263
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:58,976
It's being arranged right now.
264
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:01,011
No one has ever
escaped Stalag 13
265
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,847
because I just simply
do not take such risks.
266
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,717
No, I don't care
what the occasion is...
267
00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:09,720
Whose birthday?
268
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:12,190
Well, why didn't you say so?
269
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,525
Of course I can
arrange it, Major Keitel.
270
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,760
Good-bye... What?
271
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,362
Oh, yes. Heil Hitler.
272
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:24,702
Every time I turn around, you
are having another birthday.
273
00:13:27,924 --> 00:13:29,552
Call Colonel Hogan! You called?
274
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,541
Hogan!
275
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:33,210
Hogan, come in.
276
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:35,541
Colonel Hogan, you
wanted to see me?
277
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,698
Yes, sir. I'd like
to make a request.
278
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,334
Request denied.
279
00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:40,568
What is it?
280
00:13:40,603 --> 00:13:42,370
I like a man with an open mind.
281
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,405
Sir, tomorrow's
Hitler's birthday.
282
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,406
Yes.
283
00:13:45,441 --> 00:13:47,408
And I wondered if
you'd care to celebrate
284
00:13:47,443 --> 00:13:50,544
by giving us two extra hours
of electric light in the barracks.
285
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:51,545
Mm-hmm.
286
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,259
So you can have more time
287
00:13:53,283 --> 00:13:55,427
for digging your escape tunnel?
288
00:13:55,451 --> 00:13:57,051
We've already
finished the tunnel.
289
00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,686
We're working on
an elevator now.
290
00:13:58,721 --> 00:14:00,099
You're being impertinent.
291
00:14:00,123 --> 00:14:03,691
Yes, sir. I do the best I can.
292
00:14:03,726 --> 00:14:05,493
Colonel Hogan.
293
00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:08,062
From time to time,
prisoners of war
294
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:11,366
are asked to work,
for which they are paid.
295
00:14:11,401 --> 00:14:13,045
Well, according to the Geneva
296
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,481
Prisoner-of-War
Convention, we can refuse.
297
00:14:15,505 --> 00:14:17,038
Now, I need one hour's work
298
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:19,607
at a military installation
outside of camp.
299
00:14:19,642 --> 00:14:21,242
Request denied.
300
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:22,677
It's not heavy labor.
301
00:14:22,712 --> 00:14:24,379
Is there any other kind?
302
00:14:24,414 --> 00:14:25,846
Very well.
303
00:14:25,882 --> 00:14:28,182
Assign a work party
and I'll give you...
304
00:14:28,217 --> 00:14:31,185
40 minutes of additional
electric light in the barracks.
305
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:32,331
An hour and a half.
306
00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:33,388
50 minutes?
307
00:14:33,423 --> 00:14:34,533
An hour and a quarter.
308
00:14:34,557 --> 00:14:35,568
One hour, not a second more.
309
00:14:35,592 --> 00:14:36,669
Throw in two extra ball games
310
00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:37,737
and you got yourself a deal.
311
00:14:37,761 --> 00:14:38,726
One extra ball game.
312
00:14:38,762 --> 00:14:40,406
Forget it. I'll take my
business elsewhere.
313
00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:41,641
All right, all right, all right.
314
00:14:41,665 --> 00:14:43,765
One hour of extra electric light
315
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,533
and two extra ball games.
316
00:14:45,568 --> 00:14:46,712
You got yourself a deal.
317
00:14:46,736 --> 00:14:47,880
I'll assign a work party.
318
00:14:47,904 --> 00:14:50,738
Just one moment, Colonel Hogan.
319
00:14:50,774 --> 00:14:53,741
You know that eventually
320
00:14:53,777 --> 00:14:57,412
I'm going to find that
escape tunnel of yours.
321
00:14:57,447 --> 00:14:59,046
Oh, I hope so, because it leads
322
00:14:59,081 --> 00:15:00,481
direct to the Russian front
323
00:15:00,517 --> 00:15:02,483
and we need somebody
to lead the way.
324
00:15:02,519 --> 00:15:03,718
Dismissed.
325
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,056
Don't forget the
girls for the party.
326
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,379
I won't.
327
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,549
Sounds like a direct hit.
328
00:15:36,886 --> 00:15:38,185
Where do I put it?
329
00:15:38,221 --> 00:15:39,520
Over there.
330
00:15:39,555 --> 00:15:40,854
Hey, Carter.
331
00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:42,456
It's time to move.
332
00:15:42,492 --> 00:15:43,657
Pass the word.
333
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:44,972
Gotcha. I'm on my way.
334
00:15:46,762 --> 00:15:48,529
Uh, Schultz!
335
00:15:48,564 --> 00:15:50,064
Hey, Schultz!
336
00:15:50,099 --> 00:15:51,432
We, we've finished.
337
00:15:52,768 --> 00:15:54,735
Nice. Very nice.
338
00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:57,405
Very, very nice.
339
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,408
Now, let us go home!
340
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:01,842
Huh! "Home," he says.
341
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:03,155
Out, out, out, out!
342
00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:04,478
Everybody, raus!
343
00:16:04,514 --> 00:16:06,492
Raus, schnell, schnell, schnell,
344
00:16:06,516 --> 00:16:08,149
schnell, schnell, schnell.
345
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:09,616
Everybody raus!
346
00:16:09,652 --> 00:16:10,817
Roll call!
347
00:16:10,853 --> 00:16:12,886
Everybody out!
348
00:16:12,922 --> 00:16:14,688
Raus! Raus!
349
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:17,708
Schnell, schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell, everybody in.
350
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:19,844
Halt, halt, halt, halt, halt!
351
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:23,747
Eine moment. One moment. Halt!
352
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:24,748
Eins!
353
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:25,749
Zwei!
354
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:26,750
Drei!
355
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,854
Vier! Funf!
356
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,655
Sechs! Sieben!
357
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:32,656
Acht!
358
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:34,203
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
359
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,604
Haven't I seen you before?
360
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:36,727
I don't know.
361
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:37,862
Ever been to Milwaukee?
362
00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:38,863
Right here.
363
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,676
Hey, pal, have you
ever seen me before?
364
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:41,665
Never.
365
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,745
There, you see? And
he's been to Milwaukee.
366
00:16:43,769 --> 00:16:46,537
Sure, and I've also
been to Dusseldorf and...
367
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,873
Say, didn't I meet
you in Dusseldorf?
368
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:49,874
Dusseldorf?
369
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,542
Bah! Go in!
370
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,543
Zwanzig.
371
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:53,544
Danke.
372
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,024
Einundzwanzig, zweiundzwanzig
373
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:57,581
drieundzwanzig, vierundzwanzig
374
00:16:57,616 --> 00:17:00,584
funfundzwanzig,
sechsundzwanzig...
375
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,634
We're almost ready, Colonel.
376
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:06,824
All right, all right.
377
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:07,825
Make it quick.
378
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:08,960
The girls are on the way.
379
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:09,961
We're right on schedule.
380
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:11,640
Hey, look at me.
I'm a Kraut corporal.
381
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:12,629
I wish you were.
382
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,043
The war might be over by now.
383
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,845
Get ready to move
out, and no talking.
384
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,512
Okay if we whistle at the dames?
385
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:18,870
Only in German.
386
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,478
Major, you don't
seem to understand.
387
00:17:33,502 --> 00:17:35,380
My orders are to relieve you.
388
00:17:35,404 --> 00:17:38,172
Ja, I know. You may
post your men at the guns,
389
00:17:38,207 --> 00:17:40,507
but I will remain in
command personally.
390
00:17:40,542 --> 00:17:41,787
But don't you want to enjoy
391
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,355
the Fuhrer's
birthday party, sir?
392
00:17:43,379 --> 00:17:45,712
Captain, I have thought it over,
393
00:17:45,748 --> 00:17:49,383
and I feel it is my duty
as an officer to remain
394
00:17:49,418 --> 00:17:52,419
in active command
of the guns at all times,
395
00:17:52,454 --> 00:17:54,721
regardless of the circumstances.
396
00:17:54,757 --> 00:17:56,590
I understand, sir.
397
00:17:56,625 --> 00:17:57,724
Excuse me.
398
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:58,725
Hoopleman!
399
00:17:58,761 --> 00:18:00,460
How many times must I tell you
400
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:01,796
to stand at attention?
401
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:02,831
Achtung!
402
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,803
Forgive me, Major.
403
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:12,807
Ever since I made him corporal,
I can't do a thing with him.
404
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,041
Now, you were saying?
405
00:18:14,076 --> 00:18:16,043
I was saying, post your men,
406
00:18:16,078 --> 00:18:17,644
but I will remain in command.
407
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,815
Sir, your orders are
to have a good time!
408
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,483
Ja, ja, ja. I know, I know,
409
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,952
but I am sure that if he
410
00:18:24,987 --> 00:18:28,706
were here, the Fuhrer himself...
411
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:31,842
would approve of my actions
as being absolutely correct
412
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,178
and in line with...
413
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,379
with...
414
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,551
Call me if you need me, Captain.
415
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,222
All right, let's
wrap it up fast here.
416
00:18:50,246 --> 00:18:51,523
LeBeau, you stand guard here.
417
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,724
Nobody in or out.
418
00:18:52,748 --> 00:18:53,792
Carter, back up the truck
419
00:18:53,816 --> 00:18:54,993
and keep the motor running.
420
00:18:55,017 --> 00:18:56,528
The rest of you
guys come with me.
421
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:57,852
Hey, Colonel, what do we do
422
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,053
if the girls come back?
423
00:18:59,088 --> 00:19:00,866
Leave 'em alone,
and that's an order.
424
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:01,989
Oh, it sure is.
425
00:19:02,024 --> 00:19:03,824
I can't get a break
in either army.
426
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,355
Colonel, this is
the wine for Klink.
427
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,034
It's not our best stuff, is it?
428
00:19:36,058 --> 00:19:37,391
For him? Are you kidding?
429
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,825
It's practically vinegar.
430
00:19:38,861 --> 00:19:40,494
Looks real.
431
00:19:40,529 --> 00:19:41,828
Believe me, you'd be better off
432
00:19:41,864 --> 00:19:42,829
drinking the label.
433
00:19:42,865 --> 00:19:43,976
Wait a minute.
434
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,643
I have to drink with him.
435
00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:47,167
Well, Colonel, this is war.
436
00:19:47,203 --> 00:19:49,169
You can't expect
to live forever.
437
00:19:49,205 --> 00:19:50,485
Thanks a lot. Pour.
438
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:06,520
Very kind of you to help us
celebrate, Colonel Hogan.
439
00:20:06,555 --> 00:20:08,956
Why not? We don't
want to be enemies
440
00:20:08,991 --> 00:20:10,857
just because we're enemies.
441
00:20:10,893 --> 00:20:13,560
Good health and a short war.
442
00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:25,906
Schultz, this is a good wine.
443
00:20:25,942 --> 00:20:28,175
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
444
00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:30,055
It's a gay, saucy little wine
445
00:20:30,079 --> 00:20:32,190
we call "Hussy
of the Vineyards."
446
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:33,214
So?
447
00:20:35,384 --> 00:20:37,884
Hogan, tell me...
448
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,221
how do prisoners-of-war
get wine?
449
00:20:41,257 --> 00:20:42,957
Come on, Colonel.
450
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:45,892
Does Macy tell Gimbel?
451
00:20:45,928 --> 00:20:47,094
Macy? Gimbel?
452
00:20:47,129 --> 00:20:48,762
Schultz, do you know these men?
453
00:20:48,797 --> 00:20:51,298
No, Herr Kommandant!
454
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,900
I want you to
check the roll call
455
00:20:53,936 --> 00:20:55,735
very carefully tomorrow.
456
00:20:55,771 --> 00:20:58,405
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
457
00:20:58,441 --> 00:20:59,823
Sorry I mentioned it.
458
00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:32,556
So.
459
00:21:32,591 --> 00:21:35,893
The traveling salesman
says to the farmer,
460
00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:40,231
"My car broke down, and
I'll have to stay for the night."
461
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:43,234
The farmer says, "I have
to tell you something.
462
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:45,269
I don't have a daughter."
463
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:52,609
Let's go back to
Macy and Gimbel.
464
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:15,532
The invasion alarm.
465
00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:16,533
Achtung!
466
00:22:16,568 --> 00:22:18,448
To the guns! Schnell! Schnell!
467
00:22:23,192 --> 00:22:24,558
Schnell! Schnell!
468
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,436
Range, 1,500 yards.
469
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:42,876
Range, 1,500 yards.
470
00:22:42,912 --> 00:22:44,210
Ready?
471
00:22:44,246 --> 00:22:46,212
Ready.
472
00:22:46,248 --> 00:22:47,213
Fire!
473
00:22:47,249 --> 00:22:48,933
Fire!
474
00:22:54,506 --> 00:22:57,991
"Happy birthday, Adolf"?
475
00:23:03,665 --> 00:23:09,002
Schweinhund! Schweinhund!
476
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,507
I know where every
prisoner is at all times!
477
00:23:19,531 --> 00:23:22,077
I am sorry to disagree
with you, Colonel,
478
00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:24,768
but I happen to know
that every one of my men
479
00:23:24,804 --> 00:23:26,203
is thoroughly reliable.
480
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:27,683
The fact remains, Major...
481
00:23:27,707 --> 00:23:28,884
That's what I like to hear.
482
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,919
They're fighting
amongst themselves now.
483
00:23:30,943 --> 00:23:34,127
And got away because you
were unable to stop them.
484
00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:37,498
And I say, it is because your
prisoners sabotaged my guns.
485
00:23:37,533 --> 00:23:38,866
Hah! That's ridiculous.
486
00:23:38,901 --> 00:23:41,401
All of my prisoners were
accounted for at roll call.
487
00:23:41,437 --> 00:23:43,415
You asked for a working
party. I gave you one.
488
00:23:43,439 --> 00:23:45,072
Did they do a good job?
489
00:23:45,107 --> 00:23:46,073
Yes. Good.
490
00:23:46,108 --> 00:23:47,441
But that is not the point.
491
00:23:47,477 --> 00:23:50,210
Good! That ends the matter
as far as I'm concerned.
492
00:23:50,245 --> 00:23:51,211
Dismissed.
493
00:23:51,246 --> 00:23:52,613
Yes, sir. But I assure you,
494
00:23:52,648 --> 00:23:56,249
Berlin will favor my
version of this affair.
495
00:24:06,996 --> 00:24:08,178
The nerve of that man,
496
00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:10,847
trying to shift the blame
for his own inefficiency.
497
00:24:10,882 --> 00:24:13,317
The Third Reich has no
place for a man like that.
498
00:24:13,352 --> 00:24:15,719
Sounds like a drinking problem.
499
00:24:15,754 --> 00:24:17,387
Undoubtedly.
500
00:24:17,423 --> 00:24:18,388
By the way, Colonel,
501
00:24:18,424 --> 00:24:19,934
I understand that
your working party
502
00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:22,204
did an excellent job in
cleaning up the gun battery.
503
00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:23,393
Thank you.
504
00:24:23,429 --> 00:24:25,895
During my inspection
this morning, I noticed
505
00:24:25,931 --> 00:24:27,209
that our own buildings
506
00:24:27,233 --> 00:24:29,211
could use some
extra repair work.
507
00:24:29,235 --> 00:24:30,867
Request denied.
508
00:24:30,902 --> 00:24:33,870
I offer one extra
hour of electric light,
509
00:24:33,905 --> 00:24:36,351
and one more slice of
bread per man a week.
510
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:38,475
Two extra hours of light,
511
00:24:38,511 --> 00:24:40,577
and two slices of bread.
512
00:24:40,613 --> 00:24:43,880
One and a half
extra hours of light,
513
00:24:43,915 --> 00:24:46,355
and one and a quarter
slices of bread...
35492
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