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1
00:00:04,121 --> 00:00:07,455
CBS presents this
program in color.
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00:01:03,047 --> 00:01:04,457
Aha!
3
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:05,481
Schultz!
4
00:01:05,515 --> 00:01:07,427
I-I followed you!
LeBeau! Colonel Hogan!
5
00:01:07,451 --> 00:01:09,662
You are not supposed
to walk outside the camp.
6
00:01:09,686 --> 00:01:11,431
Even you are not supposed
to walk outside the camp.
7
00:01:11,455 --> 00:01:12,520
I wasn't, Schultz.
8
00:01:12,556 --> 00:01:14,835
So what are you doing here?
9
00:01:14,859 --> 00:01:16,169
We're here to meet
an escaped prisoner
10
00:01:16,193 --> 00:01:17,159
from Stalag 5.
11
00:01:17,194 --> 00:01:18,404
You want to be in the
welcoming committee?
12
00:01:18,428 --> 00:01:21,930
Oh... I knew you were
up to something. I knew it!
13
00:01:21,966 --> 00:01:26,301
Oh, you would like to see
me sent to the Russian front.
14
00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:27,903
How can you say that, Schultz?
15
00:01:27,938 --> 00:01:29,671
I couldn't get along without ya.
16
00:01:29,706 --> 00:01:31,051
Besides, think of
the trouble we'd have
17
00:01:31,075 --> 00:01:32,241
breaking in a new man.
18
00:01:32,276 --> 00:01:33,575
LeBEAU: A German
truck! Get down!
19
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:35,777
Get down! Get down! Get down!
20
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,875
Here, where we were
supposed to meet him,
21
00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:41,611
did you tell anyone, Schultz?
22
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,675
LeBeau, would I do
such a foolish thing?
23
00:01:49,459 --> 00:01:51,393
Look, it's Michaels.
Come on, Schultz,
24
00:01:51,428 --> 00:01:53,529
you don't want to
be rude to our guest.
25
00:01:53,564 --> 00:01:54,730
Come on.
26
00:01:58,135 --> 00:02:00,235
Michaels, Hogan.
27
00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:01,948
I hope I didn't give
you chaps a start.
28
00:02:01,972 --> 00:02:03,950
I stole this in confusion.
29
00:02:03,974 --> 00:02:05,118
Hey, that's a late model.
30
00:02:05,142 --> 00:02:06,185
How much can we get for it
31
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,220
in the black market, Schultz?
32
00:02:07,244 --> 00:02:09,277
I know nothing of such things.
33
00:02:09,312 --> 00:02:10,356
I must say, you chaps
34
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,358
do get yourselves up
as convincing Jerries.
35
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,427
Oh, don't worry about that,
Schultz, he's not one of us.
36
00:02:14,451 --> 00:02:15,851
Pity.
37
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,998
By the way, Colonel Hogan, I
got a rather pleasant surprise
38
00:02:18,022 --> 00:02:19,365
when I looked in
the back of the lorry.
39
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,555
Let's go.
40
00:02:24,461 --> 00:02:27,140
The new gunsight; they
spot planes by computer.
41
00:02:27,164 --> 00:02:29,109
The chaps at home
would be most interested.
42
00:02:29,133 --> 00:02:30,743
I thought we might
sneak one into camp,
43
00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:32,578
take it apart and send back
44
00:02:32,602 --> 00:02:34,036
a set of blueprints.
45
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,738
Why not send the entire
gunsight back, huh?
46
00:02:36,773 --> 00:02:38,851
That would be smashing.
Do you think we could?
47
00:02:38,875 --> 00:02:40,042
Kind of simple.
48
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,509
When we get ready
to send you home
49
00:02:41,545 --> 00:02:43,145
we send the gunsight with you.
50
00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:45,060
In the meantime, we got
to get you back in camp.
51
00:02:46,183 --> 00:02:49,251
I must say, I find the
whole thing hard to believe.
52
00:02:49,286 --> 00:02:50,385
Me, too.
53
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,287
Our gunsight, escaped prisoner,
54
00:02:52,323 --> 00:02:53,822
stolen truck.
55
00:02:53,857 --> 00:02:55,824
What are we supposed
to do with the truck?
56
00:02:55,859 --> 00:02:56,825
Schultz, as long as you're here,
57
00:02:56,860 --> 00:02:59,494
would you mind
hiding it somewhere?
58
00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:16,678
So, my dear Colonel,
59
00:03:16,713 --> 00:03:20,682
I can assure you
I know everything.
60
00:03:20,717 --> 00:03:24,418
Just by chance, by
chance, mind you,
61
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,883
does the name Michaels
ring a bell with you?
62
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,073
Michaels?
63
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:32,444
Michaels. Yes. Yes, it does.
64
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,379
Yes, it does. It does?
65
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:38,500
Yeah. I knew this English
girl, Diane Michaels... a beauty.
66
00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:41,035
Peaches and cream complexion.
67
00:03:41,071 --> 00:03:43,972
That is not the
Michaels I had in mind.
68
00:03:44,007 --> 00:03:46,107
This one has a mustache.
69
00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:48,087
Oh, we're talking
about two different girls.
70
00:03:48,111 --> 00:03:51,012
For your information,
I am speaking
71
00:03:51,047 --> 00:03:53,648
about a Captain Michaels
who was recently a prisoner
72
00:03:53,684 --> 00:03:55,183
at Stalag 5.
73
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,835
Recently?
74
00:03:56,870 --> 00:04:00,439
Yes, until those
fools let him escape.
75
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:01,718
Hogan, I tell you
there is only one way
76
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:02,985
to run a camp
and that is my way.
77
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:06,411
Iron hand, discipline, hard
work, keep the prisoners busy.
78
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,747
Colonel Klink,
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00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,416
thanks to you, we're kept
busy every minute of the day!
80
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:12,818
Right, Schultz?
81
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:16,488
Right. I mean, what do I
know what the prisoners do?
82
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,402
Schultz, don't you agree
that I run an unusual camp?
83
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,694
Oh, a most unusual,
Herr Kommandant.
84
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:23,974
Look, I've got work to do, so...
85
00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:25,041
Hogan, not so fast!
86
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,743
I'm not finished with you yet!
87
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,634
Now this Captain Michaels...
88
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:31,348
Our last report was that
he stole one of our trucks
89
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,082
and was headed toward the coast.
90
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,607
Well, if I see a British officer
91
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:36,675
in a German truck,
92
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,010
then I'll know who it is, right?
93
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,023
Hogan, I am not playing games.
94
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:41,625
Now, perhaps you can explain
95
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,448
something to me.
96
00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,884
According to this report,
this Captain Michaels
97
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,920
suddenly vanished,
army truck and all.
98
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:52,691
That is strange... a
truck disappearing.
99
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,193
Now, I don't believe it!
100
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,697
Perhaps those fools
at Stalag 5 believe it.
101
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,833
But I am convinced
that this Michaels
102
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:05,470
is somewhere in
this very vicinity.
103
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,183
You know, sir, you may be right.
104
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:09,207
I'm sure of it.
105
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,209
Now, the first thing to
do is to find the truck.
106
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:13,712
Schultz, since I
am short of men,
107
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,881
I am forced to put you in charge
108
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,283
of finding that truck.
109
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,197
Hello, Papa Bear,
this is Goldilocks.
110
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,821
How are you today?
111
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,368
A bit sticky here.
Nasty rain and all that.
112
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,125
I hope you chaps are bearing up?
113
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:28,593
The weather is okay.
114
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:30,540
We're having a little trouble
with our strawberries though.
115
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,309
That is a rough go. By the way,
116
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,567
that self-computing
item you wired me about.
117
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,180
Headquarters wants it
at once. Is that possible?
118
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,704
Can do.
119
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:39,705
Thanks, awfully.
120
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,551
We'd like to have the
commando, too, of course.
121
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:42,719
Of course.
122
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,776
Sub can pick up commando
123
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,778
same time picks up item.
124
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:49,448
I'm afraid that's going
to be a bit of a problem.
125
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,416
The sub. It's gone bad.
126
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,017
Can't cut the cake just now.
127
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,253
How did you figure
to pick up item?
128
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,756
We rather hoped you
chaps would have an idea.
129
00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,392
American know-how and
ingenuity. That sort of thing.
130
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:03,244
Why not? Will do.
Over, Papa Bear.
131
00:06:05,983 --> 00:06:07,949
If you don't mind my
asking, Colonel Hogan,
132
00:06:07,985 --> 00:06:09,750
what exactly did
you have in mind?
133
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:12,832
Yes, old chap, what are
you going to use for a sub?
134
00:06:12,856 --> 00:06:14,100
Yeah. How are you
going to get Michaels
135
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,234
across all that open sea, huh?
136
00:06:15,258 --> 00:06:16,802
Did you expect
him to walk across?
137
00:06:16,826 --> 00:06:18,926
You going to put the
gunsight in his pocket?
138
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,473
How are you going to
get him through the woods
139
00:06:20,497 --> 00:06:21,507
with all the Krauts outside?
140
00:06:21,531 --> 00:06:23,009
And what about
the Krauts inside?
141
00:06:23,033 --> 00:06:25,800
If there's one
thing I can't stand
142
00:06:25,835 --> 00:06:28,703
is men with small, petty minds.
143
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:39,664
Is the great man in?
144
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:42,111
Yes, and he's personally
supervising the search
145
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,602
for you know who.
146
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,837
That's a break for our side.
Will you tell him I'm here?
147
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,209
Ya, ya, ya?
148
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,311
Herr Kommandant,
Colonel Hogan is here.
149
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,258
Oh. Doesn't he
realize how busy I am?
150
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:57,649
All right, send him in.
151
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,118
The latest roster,
sir. Thank you.
152
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,186
Oh, please, let
me help you, sir.
153
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:03,187
Hey, hey. What are you doing?
154
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,701
Please, sit down, you
look pale and drawn.
155
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,558
I've seen it before.
156
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,904
Seen it? Seen what?
What, what, what?
157
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,127
Please, please.
158
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:10,907
Very gallant of you
to try to deny it, sir.
159
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,409
You see it, don't
you Fraulein Helga?
160
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:13,665
Oh, yes, I do, I do.
161
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:14,878
W-What are you
talking... Thank you.
162
00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:16,367
Please, please, please.
163
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,002
Thank you.
164
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,337
I may be wrong, sir.
165
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:22,073
It may not be my place,
but I've got to tell you,
166
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,342
you look tired, very tired.
167
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,644
Right, Fraulein Helga?
168
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,323
Oh, yes, the colonel is
right, Herr Kommandant.
169
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,514
Oh...
170
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,668
Yes, yes, it has been wearing.
171
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,191
This Michaels fellow,
172
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:42,639
I have been personally
supervising the search.
173
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,763
Relentless, driving as I am.
174
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,297
Driving, that's how it starts.
175
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,298
What starts?
176
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:50,001
It's always the
symptoms. Yes, indeed.
177
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,482
You're pushing yourself
beyond all endurance.
178
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:53,683
And then, complete collapse.
179
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,520
Excuse me for saying it, sir,
180
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,811
but I've seen
combat fatigue before.
181
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,324
Combat fatigue? Uh-huh.
182
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,192
You owe it to yourself
to relax, you know that?
183
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,194
Relax? Relax? Mm-hmm.
184
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:08,887
I'm on the go 24 hours a day
running a model prisoner camp.
185
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:11,189
How can I relax?!
186
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:12,335
Forgive me for saying it, sir,
187
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,070
but it's beginning to tell.
188
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,905
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
As the old saying goes...
189
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:19,698
when a bough doesn't
bend... it breaks.
190
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,233
What do you suggest?
191
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:24,769
Perhaps... perhaps now...
192
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:27,105
If you could get away and relax,
193
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,339
like, uh...
194
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:31,075
an officer's club like
they have at Stalag 5.
195
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,644
Carter told me
all about it, sir.
196
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,824
They have an officer's
club at Stalag 5?
197
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:35,947
Uh-huh.
198
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,894
An officer's club at St...
199
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,229
Well, maybe you're right.
200
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:46,825
Yes. A sturdy oak like me
should bend once in a while.
201
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,593
You owe it to
the war effort, sir.
202
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:52,614
Yes. My own officer's
club. I can see it now.
203
00:08:52,649 --> 00:08:55,783
It must be something original.
204
00:08:55,818 --> 00:09:00,588
Wine cellar... beer
mugs, cuckoo clocks.
205
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,657
Brilliant!
206
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:04,403
But you've got to have
something more unique.
207
00:09:04,427 --> 00:09:07,462
Something that no one
else in the German army has.
208
00:09:07,497 --> 00:09:08,707
Yes, yes, yes.
209
00:09:08,731 --> 00:09:11,132
It must be something
worthy of me.
210
00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:12,333
Right.
211
00:09:12,369 --> 00:09:14,046
Men under your command,
I know would be honored
212
00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:15,102
to build it for you.
213
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,382
Of course.
214
00:09:16,406 --> 00:09:20,875
Of course, we have the man
when it comes to design, decor.
215
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,710
LeBeau.
216
00:09:22,745 --> 00:09:25,913
You know how the French
are with their style, flair...
217
00:09:25,948 --> 00:09:27,515
Mostly decadent of course.
218
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,145
Of course, we know
very well how to use
219
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,903
such corrupt means
for our own good.
220
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:35,273
To do the job right, LeBeau
has got to be put in command.
221
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:42,630
A Frenchman giving
orders to Germans?
222
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,533
Oh, that's unthinkable.
223
00:09:45,568 --> 00:09:46,568
That's the joke.
224
00:09:46,602 --> 00:09:47,702
Joke?
225
00:09:47,737 --> 00:09:49,070
Don't you see it?
226
00:09:49,105 --> 00:09:51,105
You see, LeBeau
thinks he's in charge,
227
00:09:51,141 --> 00:09:53,875
but he's really taking
the orders from you.
228
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:59,197
All right, mein Herren,
get the lead out!
229
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,678
Come on, come
on. Faster, faster.
230
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,069
Bring it up.
231
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,064
Come on, hammer
a little faster, huh?
232
00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:11,259
Lankershieb, put
some muscle into it!
233
00:10:11,294 --> 00:10:13,394
You're not slicing liverwurst.
234
00:10:13,429 --> 00:10:16,064
Kristman, you're
going the wrong way!
235
00:10:16,099 --> 00:10:19,934
Starboard. Starboard. Not port!
236
00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:23,004
What's going on
here? Starboard, port?
237
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,139
I thought we were
building an officer's club?
238
00:10:25,175 --> 00:10:28,109
Mr. Kristman, be quiet!
239
00:10:28,144 --> 00:10:31,412
Or I'll see you hang
from the highest yardarm.
240
00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:33,147
Starboard!
241
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:40,060
LeBeau, this thing
is really shaping up.
242
00:10:40,823 --> 00:10:41,834
You know, your row boating
243
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:43,336
on the river Seine
is finally paying off.
244
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,526
Yes, Colonel.
245
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:48,029
Come on, you guys! Stop
falling over your own feet!
246
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:51,816
The master race...
Tomorrow the world. Ha!
247
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:52,895
Hi, Schultz.
248
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,052
May I ask you something?
249
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:58,823
Why are we building a
boat? What are you up to?
250
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,269
You really want
to know, Schultz?
251
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,537
Well...
252
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:06,631
Please, don't tell me. How
about Captain Michaels?
253
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,233
How are you going to
get him out of the camp?
254
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:13,004
Please, don't tell
me. Why am I asking?
255
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:17,042
Oh, Schultz... where
is your sense of loyalty?
256
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,677
Helping the enemy!
257
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:23,715
Schultz! Schultz! What
is happening to you?
258
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:24,927
Aw, come on, Schultz.
259
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:26,428
If you're going to
psychoanalyze yourself
260
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:27,752
go find a couch.
261
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,654
We're busy here.
262
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,734
How about the Kommandant?
263
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:34,726
He gave me his
word he wouldn't peek.
264
00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:36,272
He wants it to be a surprise.
265
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,696
Oh, boy, is he
going to be surprised.
266
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,263
Colonel Hogan!
267
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,764
Oh, Klink, you
gave me your word!
268
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,577
I don't know what
you two are up to,
269
00:11:58,601 --> 00:11:59,900
but I intend to find out.
270
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:01,647
I'm surprised, sir,
you don't get the point.
271
00:12:01,671 --> 00:12:02,748
What point?
272
00:12:02,772 --> 00:12:04,205
I ordered an officer's club
273
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:05,906
and a ship comes out...
274
00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:10,110
in the middle of a prison camp
60 miles from the North Sea.
275
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:13,765
That's just the point. We
wanted to show the real you.
276
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,901
On the one hand, your
good breeding, exclusiveness.
277
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,637
What could be more
exclusive than a yacht club?
278
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:22,974
I do admit a yacht club
would be worthy of me.
279
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:27,378
Maybe someday, Colonel
Klink, you can sail to Tahiti.
280
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,325
When it will be German
owned, of course.
281
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,083
In the meantime, you have
your own private yacht club.
282
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:35,453
Yep, I can see you
there entertaining...
283
00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:36,604
the skipper.
284
00:12:36,639 --> 00:12:38,306
Captain's cap, blazer...
285
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,607
Helga, your hostess.
286
00:12:39,642 --> 00:12:41,942
Soft nights, tropical breezes.
287
00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:43,344
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
288
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:44,823
But in the meantime,
you have your own
289
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,492
little bit of Tahiti right here.
290
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,249
Tahiti when there's snow?
291
00:12:48,284 --> 00:12:49,917
You could always wear gloves.
292
00:12:49,952 --> 00:12:51,419
Yes. Yes.
293
00:12:53,756 --> 00:12:54,933
Colonel,
294
00:12:54,957 --> 00:12:57,392
I just got a radio message
from headquarters.
295
00:12:57,427 --> 00:12:59,793
They say the weather
reports look bad for next week.
296
00:12:59,829 --> 00:13:01,474
The boat will have to
leave tomorrow night.
297
00:13:01,498 --> 00:13:03,664
Tomorrow night?
How can it be done?
298
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,177
We could always
set fire to Klink's office
299
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:08,514
and try to get him out
the north gate. Hey, hey...
300
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:09,815
Gentlemen, I have just
301
00:13:09,839 --> 00:13:11,406
had a great inspiration.
302
00:13:11,441 --> 00:13:13,841
I am going to give a party
on my own yacht club.
303
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,576
A party, Colonel? When?
304
00:13:15,612 --> 00:13:16,922
Why wait? Tomorrow night.
305
00:13:16,946 --> 00:13:19,447
Colonel Hogan, since you
were the first to give me the idea,
306
00:13:19,482 --> 00:13:21,982
I wanted you to
be the first to know.
307
00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:26,187
Got anymore good ideas?
308
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:43,371
And, uh... what do you
think of it, Fraulein Helga?
309
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,873
I am speechless,
Herr Kommandant.
310
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,209
I can understand that.
311
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:51,379
I am a man of many sides.
312
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:54,048
You didn't know that,
behind that stern soldier,
313
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:57,051
there is a... a world traveler,
314
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,387
a dreamer...
315
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,322
a lover!
316
00:14:01,358 --> 00:14:02,857
You are a dreamer.
317
00:14:02,892 --> 00:14:05,326
That's my secret.
318
00:14:05,362 --> 00:14:06,839
And now it is yours, too.
319
00:14:06,863 --> 00:14:10,164
Oh, Fraulein Helga,
you are my Lorelei.
320
00:14:10,199 --> 00:14:13,834
Soft nights, tropical breezes...
321
00:14:15,538 --> 00:14:22,343
♪ Ich weiss nicht was
soll es bedeuten... ♪
322
00:14:22,379 --> 00:14:24,011
Oh, I'm sorry.
323
00:14:24,046 --> 00:14:25,558
What do you want, Colonel Hogan?
324
00:14:25,582 --> 00:14:26,925
It can wait. It's not important.
325
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:27,993
It's about the party tonight.
326
00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:29,651
Oh, come in, come in.
327
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,305
You know, we Germans
never do anything halfway.
328
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,374
This party tonight
is as important to me
329
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,543
as going into battle.
330
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:39,877
Uh... sit down.
331
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,246
You know, you really
don't understand us.
332
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,181
That's why you're
losing the war.
333
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:45,683
I'm sorry, sir.
334
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,897
It's the easy living that's
ruined us Americans.
335
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,398
Uh... we need your approval.
336
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,888
Approval for what?
337
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,100
Approval to load the boat
338
00:14:52,124 --> 00:14:53,769
with the caviar
and the champagne
339
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,225
and the hors d'oeuvres.
340
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,727
Permission granted.
341
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,095
Remember, as prisoners of war,
342
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,496
you're not required to do this
343
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:01,065
according to the
Geneva Convention.
344
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,399
That's all right, sir.
345
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,680
We're... we're... we're
happy to do our bit.
346
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,938
And, besides, LeBeau's
experienced at this.
347
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,006
Comes from a long
line of headwaiters.
348
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,875
You know, Hogan,
349
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,111
it's times like these
when it's hard for me
350
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:16,246
to think of you as the enemy.
351
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:20,184
If it weren't for my strict
rules on fraternization,
352
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:23,754
I, uh... would invite
you to the party tonight.
353
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,434
Well, thank you,
sir. I understand.
354
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,703
And, besides, what would
the other guests think?
355
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,694
Like Burkhalter.
356
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,195
Burkhalter?
357
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:33,008
Yeah. Your commandant in Berlin.
358
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,466
Who invited him?
359
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:38,603
You didn't invite
General Burkhalter?
360
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:41,371
Oh, I'm... I'm...
I'm sorry, sir.
361
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:42,873
Just a moment. Just a moment.
362
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:44,308
Is there something wrong?
363
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:45,854
Well, I mean, in our army...
364
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,590
I mean, it would be an affront.
365
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,092
You know, military
courtesy, esprit de corps.
366
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,326
Guess that's not important
367
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:52,728
when you're winning the war.
368
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:55,285
Oh, it is important!
369
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:56,821
It is important!
370
00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:00,224
Fraulein Helga?
371
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:02,026
Get him Berlin.
372
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,836
One case of, uh... champagne.
373
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:13,170
Check.
374
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:14,505
Champagne?
375
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,008
It's a going-away
present for Michaels.
376
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,854
Keep him warm during the trip.
377
00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:23,681
How big a party
is this going to be?
378
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:24,849
One gunsight.
379
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,361
One gunsight. Check.
380
00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:28,363
Handle that extra-carefully,
will you, Schultz?
381
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:31,522
Oh, tell me, why
am I doing this?
382
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:33,357
Thank you, gentlemen.
383
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,425
One case of horse doveres.
384
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:36,939
No, no, no. Hors
d'oeuvres, Schultz.
385
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,007
Hors d'oeuvres.
386
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:41,298
Hors d'oeuvres,
hors d'oeuvres...
387
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:44,018
Schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell!
388
00:16:44,053 --> 00:16:45,019
Caviar.
389
00:16:45,054 --> 00:16:46,220
Check.
390
00:16:47,356 --> 00:16:48,689
How goes the battle, men?
391
00:16:48,725 --> 00:16:50,703
You better get going.
You know what to say.
392
00:16:50,727 --> 00:16:52,860
Yes, sir. What's that
guy's name again?
393
00:16:52,896 --> 00:16:54,862
Burkhalter. Burk-halter.
394
00:16:54,898 --> 00:16:56,297
Burkhalter.
395
00:16:56,332 --> 00:16:58,866
Burkherlter. Burkhalter.
396
00:16:58,902 --> 00:17:01,302
Yes, sir. General Burkhalter.
397
00:17:01,337 --> 00:17:05,807
Well, anyway, one afternoon
he came to inspect Stalag 5.
398
00:17:05,842 --> 00:17:07,374
Well, when he took one look
399
00:17:07,410 --> 00:17:09,343
at the fancy
officers' club there,
400
00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:11,913
he really blew his stack
at the commandant...
401
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:15,583
Vogel... and he... he
said things like, uh...
402
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,719
"How can you do this
when our boys are having
403
00:17:18,755 --> 00:17:21,489
such a rough time
on the Russian front?"
404
00:17:21,524 --> 00:17:23,891
Not to mention
the Italian front.
405
00:17:25,528 --> 00:17:29,997
And my club is fancier
than Vogel's, huh?
406
00:17:30,032 --> 00:17:32,199
Yes, sir. It sure is.
407
00:17:32,234 --> 00:17:33,734
Anyway...
408
00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:36,737
General Buck...
Burkhalter told Vogel
409
00:17:36,773 --> 00:17:39,406
if he didn't get
rid of his club,
410
00:17:39,442 --> 00:17:43,945
he'd see him off on the
train to Stalingrad personally.
411
00:17:45,214 --> 00:17:48,749
Carter, why didn't you
tell Hogan about this?!
412
00:17:48,785 --> 00:17:50,617
He didn't ask me.
413
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,154
Get out of my way!
414
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:16,643
Get out of my way!
415
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,157
You two, get out of my way!
416
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:19,480
Right on the nose.
417
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,749
Oh, Colonel Klink.
Just admiring your club.
418
00:18:21,784 --> 00:18:23,562
Oh, when you
Germans build things,
419
00:18:23,586 --> 00:18:25,331
you really know
how to build 'em.
420
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,166
Hogan... Such
attention to detail,
421
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,667
perfect
construction... yes, sir!
422
00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,002
I want this... this...
423
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,503
this ship thing
destroyed at once!
424
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,160
Destroyed?
425
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:34,661
What about the party?
426
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,663
What... what about
General Burkhalter?
427
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,177
Ask that fool Carter.
428
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:40,079
Now, I want this ship
demolished immediately
429
00:18:40,103 --> 00:18:41,680
before General
Burkhalter gets here!
430
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,082
That's not going to be easy.
431
00:18:43,106 --> 00:18:44,783
I mean, listen
to this. Like rock.
432
00:18:44,807 --> 00:18:47,508
I mean, this thing was
built to last a hundred years.
433
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:48,988
We don't have that much time.
434
00:18:49,012 --> 00:18:50,344
We could burn it.
435
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,891
Fire makes flames, no?
436
00:18:51,915 --> 00:18:54,426
If General Burkhalter
sees the fire,
437
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:56,128
he'll ask questions, no?
438
00:18:56,152 --> 00:18:57,696
Flames make ashes, no?
439
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,686
Yes, sir. Flames make ashes.
440
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,289
Marvelous. What clear thinking.
441
00:19:01,324 --> 00:19:04,125
Well, I'm sure you'll come up
with some way to get rid of it.
442
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,837
I have. Since my men built it,
443
00:19:05,861 --> 00:19:07,472
it is up to you and your men
444
00:19:07,496 --> 00:19:08,908
to get rid of it at once.
445
00:19:08,932 --> 00:19:10,142
Now, that is an order.
446
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:11,465
Get rid of it at once!
447
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:12,633
Yes, sir.
448
00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:14,135
Get rid of it at once!
449
00:19:14,170 --> 00:19:15,669
Get rid of it at once!
450
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:19,640
This trailer hitch
should do the job.
451
00:19:19,675 --> 00:19:21,142
All right, we're almost home.
452
00:19:21,177 --> 00:19:23,311
Sorry to jolt your
reveries, Colonel Hogan.
453
00:19:23,346 --> 00:19:25,346
How do you hope to
get Michaels aboard?
454
00:19:25,381 --> 00:19:27,982
And, just out of idle curiosity,
455
00:19:28,017 --> 00:19:31,385
how do we hope to
get this vessel to port?
456
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:33,799
Newkirk, have I ever told you
457
00:19:33,823 --> 00:19:36,457
you make great officer material?
458
00:19:36,492 --> 00:19:38,792
Never mind the
insults, Colonel Hogan.
459
00:19:38,828 --> 00:19:40,828
Just answer the
question, please.
460
00:19:40,863 --> 00:19:43,242
Is this thing still here?!
461
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:46,183
General Burkhalter's
only an hour away.
462
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:48,197
And what is this iron
thing supposed...?
463
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,353
Oh!
464
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:50,521
It's part of our plan.
465
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:51,689
Make it easier to move.
466
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,357
We're going to
hide it in the woods.
467
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,769
That is your plan, huh?
468
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:56,393
For someone to find it?
469
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,895
Why didn't we think of that?
470
00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:06,370
I have a solution.
471
00:20:06,405 --> 00:20:08,205
It is so obvious,
472
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,073
I'm surprised you
didn't think of it.
473
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:13,043
Now, listen, you have
a club that's a boat,
474
00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:14,678
and it is on a trailer.
475
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,890
Right. Right. Right.
476
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:17,381
Now, I ask you,
477
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:19,916
what is the most
logical thing to do?
478
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:24,938
Move the whole
thing to the water!
479
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,953
The German army could
use more men like you, sir.
480
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:31,178
Thank you. Now, the
boat could be moored
481
00:20:31,214 --> 00:20:33,780
until final victory is achieved.
482
00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:37,284
Hogan, are you sure
this boat is seaworthy?
483
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,353
It had better be.
484
00:20:39,389 --> 00:20:41,122
Good. One more thing, Hogan.
485
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:44,858
It must be out of here before
General Burkhalter gets here.
486
00:20:44,894 --> 00:20:46,927
Remember, this
means a lot to me.
487
00:20:46,962 --> 00:20:48,407
It means a lot to us, too.
488
00:20:48,431 --> 00:20:49,930
Sergeant, halt!
489
00:20:52,435 --> 00:20:54,402
Just in case, Hogan,
490
00:20:54,437 --> 00:20:56,237
I'm assigning this squad
491
00:20:56,272 --> 00:20:59,273
to see that you
get the job done.
492
00:21:00,443 --> 00:21:04,178
Sergeant, this thing... out!
493
00:21:04,213 --> 00:21:06,733
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
494
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:12,420
I give you five minutes! Raus!
495
00:21:12,455 --> 00:21:15,456
Uh... Sergeant,
would you be so kind
496
00:21:15,491 --> 00:21:18,992
as to get that life
raft put aboard, huh?
497
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:21,895
And keep it end up. He's
very... it's very valuable.
498
00:21:21,931 --> 00:21:23,230
Schnell!
499
00:21:23,266 --> 00:21:24,615
Schnell!
500
00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:30,621
Um... maybe the entire squad.
501
00:21:30,656 --> 00:21:31,955
It's kind of heavy.
502
00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:33,757
Schnell! Schnell!
503
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:39,129
All right, easy
does it! Easy does it!
504
00:21:40,499 --> 00:21:43,066
That's it. That's it.
505
00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:45,414
Would you fellas
like to say good-bye
506
00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:46,903
to Captain Michaels?
507
00:21:46,939 --> 00:21:48,750
How did you get
him inside there?
508
00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:51,052
It wasn't easy, but
there's a war on.
509
00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:54,478
All right, easy
does it. Easy does it.
510
00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:55,946
Let's get this thing hitched up,
511
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,381
and get this boat on the road.
512
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:59,336
Right. Right.
513
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,365
General Burkhalter will
be here in a few minutes.
514
00:22:03,389 --> 00:22:04,800
I just received word. I...
515
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:07,123
What is this!?
516
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,827
Getting rid of it,
sir, as ordered.
517
00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:12,162
You? What do you take
me for, Hogan, a fool?
518
00:22:12,197 --> 00:22:14,142
Let you drive away
and not come back?
519
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,632
Perhaps sail away.
520
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,379
I am ashamed of you, Hogan.
521
00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:22,906
Ruin my perfect record of no one
escaping from Stalag 13? Never!
522
00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:25,253
Colonel Klink, what
are you saying?
523
00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:28,879
Sergeant Kristman,
take this, this...
524
00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:31,415
to the water.
525
00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:45,396
Good-bye!
526
00:22:45,431 --> 00:22:46,897
Newkirk, get back!
527
00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:48,932
Bon voyage!
528
00:23:10,206 --> 00:23:11,767
Thank you, Kommandant.
529
00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:15,259
Thank you for making me
come all the way from Berlin
530
00:23:15,294 --> 00:23:17,561
for a dinner of
stale sauerbraten.
531
00:23:17,596 --> 00:23:21,548
As you can see, Herr General,
we have the same shortages here
532
00:23:21,583 --> 00:23:24,985
as all the officers lucky
enough to be at the front.
533
00:23:25,021 --> 00:23:26,553
Another such dinner, Klink,
534
00:23:26,588 --> 00:23:29,323
and I'll see what I can
do to make you so lucky.
535
00:23:47,710 --> 00:23:49,471
Colonel Hogan,
what are you doing
536
00:23:49,495 --> 00:23:50,773
driving a German truck?
537
00:23:50,797 --> 00:23:52,797
Not a German truck, sir.
538
00:23:52,832 --> 00:23:54,298
The German truck.
539
00:23:54,333 --> 00:23:55,800
And I'm giving it to you.
540
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:58,046
You are giving me
a German truck?
541
00:23:58,070 --> 00:23:59,848
What is the meaning of this?
542
00:23:59,872 --> 00:24:01,672
The truck that Michaels stole.
543
00:24:01,707 --> 00:24:03,685
And what are you doing with it?
544
00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:05,276
I'm returning it to you.
545
00:24:05,311 --> 00:24:07,244
My men stumbled on it
while on garbage detail.
546
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,213
And I was thinking of
showing it to Burkhalter
547
00:24:09,248 --> 00:24:10,447
as he went out, but I figured
548
00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:12,016
you'd rather call
him direct to Berlin
549
00:24:12,051 --> 00:24:13,017
and invite him down...
550
00:24:13,052 --> 00:24:14,351
Make a big deal out of it, huh?
551
00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:15,831
Not so fast. Wait a minute.
552
00:24:15,855 --> 00:24:17,699
Invite him from
Berlin? What for?
553
00:24:17,723 --> 00:24:20,068
These headquarters
fellows, they are soft.
554
00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:22,659
They don't know how to
take combat conditions.
555
00:24:22,695 --> 00:24:24,206
I have a better idea. Schultz!
556
00:24:24,230 --> 00:24:25,562
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!
557
00:24:25,597 --> 00:24:27,509
Order the dogs to
the special detail.
558
00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:31,035
My military intuition
and this truck tell me
559
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:33,581
that our friend Captain Michaels
560
00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:36,640
is floating around
out there somewhere
561
00:24:36,675 --> 00:24:39,054
waiting for me to capture him.
562
00:24:39,078 --> 00:24:40,544
Right, Hogan?
563
00:24:40,579 --> 00:24:42,579
Wouldn't surprise me a bit, sir.
40422
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