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CBS presents this
program in color.
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♪ ♪
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♪ ♪
4
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:46,699
All right, Carter,
what did you see?
5
00:01:46,723 --> 00:01:49,391
A panzer division...
16 Tiger tanks
6
00:01:49,426 --> 00:01:51,226
and the supply trucks
right behind them.
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00:01:51,262 --> 00:01:54,062
And then the goon
took the glasses away.
8
00:01:54,098 --> 00:01:55,730
Newkirk?
9
00:01:55,766 --> 00:01:58,078
Well, LeBeau saw that
and another column as well.
10
00:01:58,102 --> 00:01:59,701
Oh, easily a mile long.
11
00:01:59,736 --> 00:02:02,004
Troop carriers,
support artillery
12
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,505
and a medical unit.
13
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,852
They went flying down the
road past that beer garden.
14
00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,309
Hilda's Hofbrau.
15
00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:09,211
Kinch? I tapped
Klink's phone line
16
00:02:09,246 --> 00:02:11,713
and took the conversation
down verbatim.
17
00:02:11,748 --> 00:02:13,376
That's why he's
a staff sergeant.
18
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,183
Oh, shucks, Colonel.
19
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,519
Newkirk, give me a
hand with this, huh?
20
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,299
Hello.
21
00:02:19,323 --> 00:02:20,855
Colonel Klink speaking.
22
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,357
Hello.
23
00:02:22,393 --> 00:02:25,193
This is Captain Milheiser,
Adolf Hitler Division.
24
00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:26,373
Heil Hitler.
25
00:02:26,397 --> 00:02:27,495
Heil Hitler.
26
00:02:27,531 --> 00:02:30,231
Sounds vaguely familiar.
27
00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:32,383
Colonel, I will be
coming to see you today
28
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:34,385
on a matter of the
greatest importance.
29
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:35,720
Let me assure you,
30
00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:38,256
any officer of the
Adolf Hitler Division
31
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,236
is always welcome at Stalag 13.
32
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,759
Ah, very good.
33
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,594
Adolf Hitler Division, huh?
34
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,241
They made a lot
of trouble in France.
35
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,976
What are they
doing in this area,
36
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,383
obviously at full strength?
37
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,687
Kinch, put that information
into code and get it off to London.
38
00:02:51,722 --> 00:02:53,254
Ask for further instructions.
39
00:02:53,290 --> 00:02:54,951
Right. HOGAN: The
rest of you circulate,
40
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,752
see what you can
find out from the goons.
41
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:57,921
Right, sir. Colonel?
42
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,078
One more thing
about that phone call.
43
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,848
As soon as Klink heard the
words "Adolf Hitler Division,"
44
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,016
he got scared. I could
hear it in his voice.
45
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:06,384
That's our commandant.
46
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:07,953
If they ever promote him,
47
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,228
it'll be to Coward First Class.
48
00:03:21,051 --> 00:03:22,183
500 wooden spoons.
49
00:03:22,219 --> 00:03:23,351
Correct.
50
00:03:23,386 --> 00:03:25,353
700 kilos potatoes.
51
00:03:25,388 --> 00:03:26,688
Check.
52
00:03:26,724 --> 00:03:28,857
100 kilos black pepper.
53
00:03:28,892 --> 00:03:30,036
Check.
54
00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:31,927
Why so much black pepper?
55
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,561
It helps with the potatoes.
56
00:03:34,764 --> 00:03:36,631
300 kilos salt.
57
00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:38,467
Just a minute.
58
00:03:38,502 --> 00:03:41,870
The next item should
be 5,000 wooden plates.
59
00:03:41,905 --> 00:03:43,238
Now, where is it?
60
00:03:43,273 --> 00:03:46,141
Herr Kommandant,
I-I thought I had it here.
61
00:03:46,176 --> 00:03:47,275
You thought you had it?
62
00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:48,843
What did you use to think with?
63
00:03:48,879 --> 00:03:50,045
Certainly not your head.
64
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,346
Find it.
65
00:03:51,382 --> 00:03:53,181
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
66
00:03:53,217 --> 00:03:54,549
This inefficiency.
67
00:03:54,584 --> 00:03:56,784
Sometimes I wonder
how we can win the war.
68
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:57,652
So, do I.
69
00:03:57,687 --> 00:03:58,653
Oh, shut up.
70
00:03:58,688 --> 00:03:59,915
Find it.
71
00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,873
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
72
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,660
Excuse me, Herr Colonel.
73
00:04:05,695 --> 00:04:07,007
Yes, yes, yes, what is it?
74
00:04:07,031 --> 00:04:08,997
There are two officers
here to see you, sir.
75
00:04:09,033 --> 00:04:11,199
Who are these people?
76
00:04:11,235 --> 00:04:13,318
Is Stalag 13 a
tourist attraction
77
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:16,020
for every officer who
passes through town?
78
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:18,189
Soon we'll be serving tea.
79
00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:20,202
They're from the
Adolf Hitler Division.
80
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:24,496
Well, don't just stand
there... Make some tea.
81
00:04:27,551 --> 00:04:29,029
Heil Hitler. Heil Hitler.
82
00:04:29,053 --> 00:04:30,018
Heil Hitler.
83
00:04:30,054 --> 00:04:31,264
Welcome to Stalag 13.
84
00:04:31,288 --> 00:04:32,865
Gentlemen, please be seated.
85
00:04:32,889 --> 00:04:35,690
Oh, what a pleasure
it is to meet you.
86
00:04:35,725 --> 00:04:37,203
Schultz, out! Dismissed!
87
00:04:37,227 --> 00:04:38,704
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
88
00:04:38,728 --> 00:04:39,861
Please, please.
89
00:04:39,896 --> 00:04:41,696
We have no desire to
interrupt your routine.
90
00:04:41,731 --> 00:04:42,864
Please, carry on.
91
00:04:42,899 --> 00:04:44,877
Yes, Schultz, please carry on.
92
00:04:44,901 --> 00:04:47,202
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
93
00:04:47,237 --> 00:04:50,138
Colonel, Leutnant
Doenitz and myself
94
00:04:50,174 --> 00:04:52,674
are chairmen of an organization
95
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,310
called "Beautify Berchtesgaden."
96
00:04:55,345 --> 00:04:58,729
"Beautify Berchtesgaden"?
97
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,433
What a lovely idea.
98
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,152
I am so glad you approve.
99
00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:06,354
We have been taking donations
100
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,491
from all the officers
of all the services,
101
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,326
Leutnant rank and above.
102
00:05:11,361 --> 00:05:14,762
Our objective is
one million marks.
103
00:05:14,798 --> 00:05:18,015
Well, that doesn't seem
too much for a worthy cause.
104
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,602
Oh, then we may
count on you for help?
105
00:05:20,637 --> 00:05:21,837
Of course.
106
00:05:21,872 --> 00:05:23,471
There is an artillery regiment
107
00:05:23,506 --> 00:05:25,318
five miles from
here, by the coast.
108
00:05:25,342 --> 00:05:27,008
I know the commander very well.
109
00:05:27,044 --> 00:05:28,509
He's a good friend of mine.
110
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,078
I will just make a call...
111
00:05:30,114 --> 00:05:33,014
Yes, he, uh, he
gave us 3,000 marks.
112
00:05:33,050 --> 00:05:35,350
And your name.
113
00:05:35,385 --> 00:05:38,036
Yes, he's a very good friend.
114
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,705
Now, gentlemen, I
realize you would like me
115
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:43,475
to donate to this cause,
but unfortunately...
116
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,543
Wait, Colonel, please?
117
00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:46,861
Doenitz?
118
00:05:46,896 --> 00:05:50,532
Now, here we
have our white list.
119
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:54,035
And here we have the black list.
120
00:05:54,070 --> 00:05:57,205
Those on the white
list have given.
121
00:05:57,241 --> 00:06:00,609
Those on the
black list have not.
122
00:06:00,644 --> 00:06:04,780
Both lists will be
presented to the fuhrer.
123
00:06:04,815 --> 00:06:07,999
The white list is filled.
124
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:13,170
The black list is blank...
125
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,006
until now.
126
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,926
We are just a poor
little POW camp.
127
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,678
Oh, come now, Colonel.
128
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:23,515
There is not little,
uh... How you say?
129
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:24,782
Hanky-panky going on
130
00:06:24,817 --> 00:06:26,817
with the prisoners'
ration money?
131
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,085
Captain, I swear to you,
132
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,199
I have never taken a
single pfennig from...
133
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,188
Oh, well.
134
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,508
There had to be a first.
135
00:06:36,713 --> 00:06:39,181
Now, "Klink," no?
136
00:06:39,216 --> 00:06:40,515
Yes, sir.
137
00:06:40,550 --> 00:06:41,850
Corporal Wil...
138
00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:44,585
I mean Colonel Wilhelm Klink.
139
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:46,020
Lo and behold,
140
00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:49,824
Wilhelm Klink's
name led all the rest.
141
00:06:49,859 --> 00:06:52,510
Gentlemen, please,
don't jump to conclusions.
142
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,274
Here you are, you little devils.
143
00:06:54,298 --> 00:06:56,665
Wooden plates, 5,000.
144
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:58,300
Belie... 5,000?
145
00:06:58,335 --> 00:06:59,534
5,000?
146
00:06:59,570 --> 00:07:01,135
Thank you very much, Colonel.
147
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,537
There has been some mistake.
148
00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:04,651
You'd like to give 10,000?
149
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,410
It's a mistake if you thought
I wouldn't want to give
150
00:07:08,445 --> 00:07:09,711
to Beautify Berchtesgaden.
151
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:11,825
Your pledge must be redeemed
by the first of the month.
152
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:12,992
Heil Hitler. Heil Hitler.
153
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,682
Heil Hitler.
154
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,323
5,000 marks.
155
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,325
I'm sorry, Herr Kommandant.
156
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,827
"Sorry," he says.
157
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,996
You dunderhead.
158
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:31,499
You big mouth, you
big mouth dunderhead.
159
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,336
Herr Kommandant, I-I
just read the requisitions.
160
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,171
5,000 marks.
161
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:38,406
Herr Kommandant,
it is against the law
162
00:07:38,441 --> 00:07:40,842
for an officer to
strike an enlisted man.
163
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:45,180
Strike you... no.
164
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:49,017
Shoot you, yes.
165
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:52,687
"Information on the Hitler
Division extremely valuable.
166
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:53,855
Job well done."
167
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,023
Hey, that's marvelous.
168
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,369
Wow. Isn't that great?
169
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,205
If you fellas are
finished taking bows
170
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,395
I'd like to go on.
171
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:02,964
"More intelligence details
on the Hitler Division
172
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,532
"vitally important.
173
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:05,934
"Why in your area?
174
00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:08,536
"Are they staging
for active duty?
175
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:09,648
"Which front?
176
00:08:09,672 --> 00:08:11,817
Send answers
soonest, top priority."
177
00:08:11,841 --> 00:08:13,719
Those guys are kidding.
178
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,143
How are we going
to get that stuff?
179
00:08:15,178 --> 00:08:16,477
Yeah, it won't be easy.
180
00:08:16,513 --> 00:08:18,758
Blimey, sometimes I think
they forget we're prisoners.
181
00:08:18,782 --> 00:08:20,459
I don't have any
trouble remembering.
182
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:23,851
What about that beer
joint near the crossroads?
183
00:08:23,887 --> 00:08:25,520
Hilda's Hofbrau?
184
00:08:25,555 --> 00:08:27,033
Yeah, if one of us
could get in there,
185
00:08:27,057 --> 00:08:28,268
we might pick up a few answers.
186
00:08:28,292 --> 00:08:29,657
Who'd be crazy enough
187
00:08:29,692 --> 00:08:31,337
to go into a place
filled with Krauts?
188
00:08:31,361 --> 00:08:32,827
Me. Tonight.
189
00:08:32,862 --> 00:08:34,162
After roll call.
190
00:08:34,197 --> 00:08:35,841
I'll go out through
the emergency exit,
191
00:08:35,865 --> 00:08:37,632
in uniform, of course.
192
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,167
Newkirk, what have
you got in stock?
193
00:08:39,202 --> 00:08:41,014
Oh, if you'll step this way.
194
00:08:41,038 --> 00:08:43,338
Here we are, sir.
195
00:08:43,373 --> 00:08:46,541
Gestapo, SS...
196
00:09:02,159 --> 00:09:03,469
Guten Abend, Herr Major.
197
00:09:03,493 --> 00:09:04,792
Welcome.
198
00:09:04,828 --> 00:09:06,194
Fraulein.
199
00:09:06,229 --> 00:09:08,141
The war seems to be going well.
200
00:09:08,165 --> 00:09:10,198
Boys and girls, you know.
201
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:13,313
Yes, the boys
seem to be winning.
202
00:09:14,004 --> 00:09:16,104
There are no tables
left at the moment,
203
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,151
unless you don't mind sharing.
204
00:09:18,175 --> 00:09:20,675
With you?
205
00:09:23,713 --> 00:09:25,480
Gentlemen, would you
mind sharing your table
206
00:09:25,515 --> 00:09:26,814
with this officer?
207
00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:27,994
Not at all. Danke.
208
00:09:28,018 --> 00:09:29,150
Beer, please.
209
00:09:29,186 --> 00:09:30,986
For the gentlemen,
too. Thank you.
210
00:09:31,021 --> 00:09:32,320
Right away, Major.
211
00:09:32,356 --> 00:09:34,500
I'm Milheiser, and this
is Leutnant Doenitz.
212
00:09:34,524 --> 00:09:35,868
Gentlemen.
213
00:09:35,892 --> 00:09:37,192
Major Hoople.
214
00:09:37,227 --> 00:09:38,559
Heil Hitler.
215
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:39,855
Heil Hitler. Heil Hitler.
216
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:42,680
Luftwaffe in this part
of the country, Major?
217
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,516
Yes, Luft Stalag
13 down the road.
218
00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:47,763
Oh, you are assigned
to the POW camp?
219
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,186
In a way, yes.
220
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,588
Temporary duty.
221
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:51,723
Coincidence.
222
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,225
We met your colonel today.
223
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,160
Kommandant Klink?
224
00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:58,529
Yes, old blood and guts.
225
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:03,501
That Klink is a
real tower of jelly.
226
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,670
Gentlemen, if you
think you've got
227
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:08,405
a true picture of my
commanding officer...
228
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,551
Yes?
229
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:11,109
You do.
230
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:13,544
Oh. Ah.
231
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:14,712
Danke, danke.
232
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,713
Danke, Hilda.
233
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:16,881
To Hilda. Ah.
234
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,582
Frau Hilda.
235
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,052
Mmm. Eh.
236
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,219
Mmm.
237
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,555
Oh, this beer is terrible.
238
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,223
It tastes good to me.
239
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,727
My last combat assignment,
there was no beer at all.
240
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:30,895
Really?
241
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,441
No, no, that wasn't
the worst of it.
242
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,732
The real problem was the cold.
243
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,300
You'd wake up in the morning,
244
00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:39,270
you'd have to defrost your
toothpaste with a blowtorch.
245
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:42,940
Conditions are that
bad on the eastern front?
246
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,609
I didn't say anything
about the eastern front.
247
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,779
Perhaps not by name, but...
248
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,280
Is that where you're going?
249
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:53,151
Let us just say that
we are not moving west.
250
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,419
Then my deepest sympathy.
251
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:57,922
Major, could you tell us
something that might be helpful?
252
00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:59,401
Doenitz, that is enough.
253
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:01,436
There is such a
thing as security.
254
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,694
The captain is right.
255
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:03,861
Forget it.
256
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:06,798
Anyway, let's drink to
a soldier's best friend.
257
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,043
The Fuhrer. The Fuhrer.
258
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:09,200
Fuhrer?
259
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:12,337
I'm talking about
long winter underwear.
260
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,551
Uh, Major, tell me something?
261
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,308
Have you ever heard
262
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,478
of the Beautify
Berchtesgaden Fund?
263
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,279
No, I've been away.
264
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,583
We are raising some
money as a gift to the fuhrer.
265
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,885
Oh, say no more.
266
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:33,224
Gentlemen, how about,
um... say 500 marks?
267
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,059
Well, very generous.
268
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:37,127
Indeed it is.
269
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:41,432
Wherever did you get
such nice, brand-new bills?
270
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:44,034
I have a couple of men
who make them up for me.
271
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,804
Ah...
272
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:53,578
Of course, a fellow
could do worse.
273
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,847
You're very attractive.
274
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,416
You have a nice
business going here.
275
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,117
Not after tomorrow.
276
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:01,686
I'm giving it up.
277
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,020
What?
278
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:05,022
You can't do that.
279
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,525
We need more information.
280
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,860
Information?
281
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,194
About you.
282
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:14,365
I mean, after all,
we've just met.
283
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,033
I can't manage alone,
284
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:20,037
and help is impossible
to get because of the war.
285
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,873
Is that all?
286
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,742
Oh, I can fix that.
287
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,224
You mean you could
get me a waiter?
288
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,382
Oh, that's no problem.
289
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,552
I will get you a work
detail of prisoners
290
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,721
from Luft Stalag 13.
291
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,924
Oh, that would be marvelous.
292
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:44,896
Then I could keep
the place open.
293
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,565
That's the most important thing.
294
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,067
It sure is.
295
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:57,274
Oh, Major, how can I ever
express my appreciation?
296
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:06,862
Take this down,
Kinch, and code it:
297
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:10,522
Stalag 13 to
Headquarters London.
298
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,691
Strong evidence
Adolf Hitler Division
299
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,704
moving to the Russian Front.
300
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:19,030
Will try to obtain
absolute confirmation
301
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:21,866
and further details.
302
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,535
Sign that Hogan, got it?
303
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,170
Right. Good.
304
00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:31,053
I've got a lovely
old big mouth Kraut
305
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:32,888
at one of my tables, Colonel.
306
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,724
He's telling his girlfriend
all about some new guns.
307
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:38,049
Good. Stay with it. Right, sir.
308
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:41,219
Wiener schnitzel
with an egg on it.
309
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:44,389
Ordering: two
liverwurst sandwiches
310
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,235
on pumpernickel
with plenty of onion.
311
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:50,061
Liverwurst? Onion? Barbarians.
312
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,741
If I get an order for
chicken à la bonne femme,
313
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:55,400
you'll be the first to know.
314
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,246
LeBeau, I need a double schnapps
315
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,747
and a lettuce and
tomato sandwich.
316
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,416
Lettuce and tomatoes
and whiskey?
317
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,850
Now, what kind
of an order is that?
318
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:03,841
It's for a drunken vegetarian.
319
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,176
Germans.
320
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,855
Colonel, there's a
corporal over there
321
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:08,357
with a snow cape in his pack...
322
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,859
The kind we use in the
ski troops, you know?
323
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,183
That settles it.
324
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:15,052
They're not going to
spend the winter in Miami.
325
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,758
Sacre bleu! Schultz.
326
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:21,793
Whoops.
327
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:26,709
Colonel, what shall we do?
328
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,567
If I knew, would
I be sitting here?
329
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:36,885
Mind if I join the party?
330
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:40,745
Just a minute. You're a
waiter. You're a soldier.
331
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:43,514
I never said anything
when you sat down, did I?
332
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,384
Waiter, ein bier, bitte.
333
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:47,552
Yes, sir.
334
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,732
And, uh, bring
me a little cheese.
335
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,734
It goes good with the beer.
336
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:54,925
And, uh, I...
337
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,062
You!
338
00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:00,064
Uh, cheese with the beer.
339
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:02,833
Right away, sir.
Now, just a minute.
340
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:06,671
What are you doing here?
341
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:07,706
And him?
342
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,812
And him?
343
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:17,181
Ach du lieber Himmel.
344
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:18,361
Hi, Schultz.
345
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,851
Colonel Hogan, you, too?
346
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:24,188
And wearing an
officer's uniform?
347
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,690
Achtung.
348
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,025
Please don't do that.
349
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,527
How did you get out of the camp?
350
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,340
It's a long, dull
story, Schultz.
351
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,876
I want the truth. Well, I could
tell you we went out over the wire.
352
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,878
Over the wire? But that
wouldn't be telling you the truth.
353
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,146
Ja? And I'd hate to tell you
354
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,414
anything that wasn't true. So?
355
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,048
So forget it. Okay.
356
00:15:40,072 --> 00:15:41,872
Good that you did not lie to me.
357
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:43,874
Now, what are you doing here?
358
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,021
See that woman over there?
359
00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:47,712
That's Hilda.
360
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,180
She runs the place.
361
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:50,715
She's a widow.
362
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,717
Nice looking tomato.
363
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,051
With eight children.
364
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:58,389
Ah... so many kinder,
and she's so young.
365
00:15:58,425 --> 00:15:59,890
She got an early start.
366
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,837
Look, if we don't work here,
367
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,506
she's going to have
to close the place
368
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,174
because she can't get any help,
369
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,510
and without any money,
those poor, innocent little kids
370
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,645
are going to go without
food. Oh, that's terrible.
371
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,880
You wouldn't want that on
your conscience, would you?
372
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:12,870
Oh, no.
373
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,672
I am a family man myself.
374
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:17,019
And you're also a great
humanitarian, Schultz.
375
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:18,843
Danke. I try to be.
376
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,845
Now, everybody out,
377
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,848
or I have to report
this to Klink at once.
378
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,528
You said you were a family man.
379
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,852
Yes. My own.
380
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,688
Now, everybody back to camp.
381
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:32,267
All right, Schultz,
have it your way.
382
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,537
Only thing is you're going
to have to explain to Klink
383
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,472
how we escaped while
you were on duty...
384
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,541
but I'll get the
rest of the fellows.
385
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:41,031
No, w-w-w-w-wait, Colonel Hogan.
386
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:45,636
You don't think I'd have a
widow with kids be without food.
387
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,373
Have the beer and
cheese sent outside.
388
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:49,540
Outside?
389
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:54,044
That way it's easier
to see nothing!
390
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,048
Gentlemen, I realize today
391
00:16:58,084 --> 00:16:59,384
is the first of the month.
392
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,652
You have the money, of course?
393
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,320
Of course.
394
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,391
Well, I am very
glad to hear that.
395
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,559
Well... where is it?
396
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,995
I must draw the
money from the bank,
397
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,798
and I can't get away right now.
398
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,011
And you won't get away later
399
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,180
unless you redeem that pledge.
400
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,670
Not redeem?
401
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:23,474
Whatever put that
thought into your head?
402
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,809
You did.
403
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,011
You will bring it to us at
our headquarters in town.
404
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,679
Or this evening,
405
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,526
be at Hilda's Hofbrau
down the road.
406
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,094
Heil Hitler. Heil Hitler.
407
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:33,317
Heil Hitler.
408
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,496
Herr Kommandant, I...
409
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,331
Ah, shut up.
410
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:52,519
5,000 Marks. I
am finished, kaput.
411
00:17:52,555 --> 00:17:57,024
A brilliant military career
gone after so many years.
412
00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:59,538
Why didn't I go to spy
school when I had a chance?
413
00:17:59,562 --> 00:18:01,628
They said I was talented.
414
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,798
Anything I can do,
Herr Kommandant?
415
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,633
Yes. Get me 5,000 Marks.
416
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:07,935
Wish I could.
417
00:18:07,970 --> 00:18:09,148
I'm sure.
418
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:11,471
Believe me, Herr
Kommandant, I'm a poor man.
419
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,474
I even have no right to be fat.
420
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,822
Well, there's no
use crying about it.
421
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,490
I must face things as they are.
422
00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:20,981
What are you going to
do, Herr Kommandant?
423
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,817
Do? Tell them the truth.
424
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:26,492
Tonight, I shall walk into
Hilda's Hofbrau with my head high
425
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,333
and I shall confess to them.
426
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:32,326
I think, Herr Kommandant,
you are right to...
427
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,196
Hilda's Hofbrau?
428
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:39,333
You're sure of it?
429
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,501
He told it to me himself.
430
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,337
That's bad. It ain't good.
431
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,006
Your boys are not
to go there tonight.
432
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,842
It's too late, Schultz.
The boat sailed.
433
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,521
They've been gone about an hour.
434
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,178
Donnerwetter.
435
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,513
He will see them, and
after he sees them,
436
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,527
he will come back and
see me, and after that,
437
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,517
no one is going to see me again.
438
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,519
Do you think we could
get a message to 'em?
439
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:00,955
It's our only chance.
440
00:19:00,990 --> 00:19:04,291
I'll wear the uniform
again and go out the...
441
00:19:04,326 --> 00:19:05,626
emergency tunnel.
442
00:19:05,661 --> 00:19:06,805
I'm sorry, Schultz.
443
00:19:06,829 --> 00:19:08,140
I'd rather have it that way.
444
00:19:08,164 --> 00:19:09,641
Kinch, go get
the uniform. Right.
445
00:19:09,665 --> 00:19:11,810
Now, listen carefully.
You've got to stall Klink.
446
00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:14,079
We need enough time to
get everybody out of Hilda's.
447
00:19:14,103 --> 00:19:15,136
But how-how can I...?
448
00:19:15,171 --> 00:19:16,637
Oh, come on,
Schultz, if you don't,
449
00:19:16,672 --> 00:19:18,305
we're in big trouble,
big, big trouble.
450
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,485
But how shall I stall
him? What shall I say?
451
00:19:20,509 --> 00:19:22,476
You'll think of something.
You're a clever man.
452
00:19:22,511 --> 00:19:26,346
Colonel Hogan, this is
not the time to lie to me.
453
00:19:27,516 --> 00:19:29,316
Schultz, I'm leaving.
454
00:19:29,351 --> 00:19:31,485
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
455
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,155
Now, there is a chance
I may not come back.
456
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:36,824
I may never be heard from again.
457
00:19:36,859 --> 00:19:38,826
Oh, no, Herr Kommandant.
458
00:19:38,861 --> 00:19:42,507
If that happens, you will have
a new commanding officer.
459
00:19:42,531 --> 00:19:46,000
Now, Schultz... help
him, give him a break.
460
00:19:46,035 --> 00:19:49,503
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
I am willing. What shall I do?
461
00:19:49,538 --> 00:19:53,874
Have yourself transferred
to another camp.
462
00:19:55,878 --> 00:19:58,512
Oh, please, Herr
Kommandant, may I?
463
00:19:58,547 --> 00:20:00,547
All right.
464
00:20:07,389 --> 00:20:08,856
Schultz, what are you doing?
465
00:20:08,891 --> 00:20:12,226
Oh, I'm sorry, Herr Kommandant.
466
00:20:13,562 --> 00:20:15,874
Herr Kommandant, just a moment.
467
00:20:15,898 --> 00:20:18,365
Your scarf, please.
468
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,901
All right, all right, all right.
469
00:20:23,906 --> 00:20:27,374
Herr Kommandant,
please, may I talk to you?
470
00:20:27,409 --> 00:20:28,742
Yes, yes, what is it?
471
00:20:28,777 --> 00:20:31,712
Herr Kommandant,
please. I have a problem.
472
00:20:31,747 --> 00:20:35,716
That is the
understatement of the year.
473
00:20:35,751 --> 00:20:38,385
According to
regulations, I am entitled
474
00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:41,055
to discuss my problem
with my superior officer.
475
00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:45,893
There is nothing I can
say that would help you.
476
00:20:45,928 --> 00:20:48,395
I'm sorry, Hilda, it
cannot be helped.
477
00:20:48,430 --> 00:20:50,397
But if you take the
prisoners away now...
478
00:20:50,432 --> 00:20:53,934
It's an emergency.
I have my orders.
479
00:20:59,408 --> 00:21:01,375
Colonel...
480
00:21:01,410 --> 00:21:04,879
Get the colonel.
481
00:21:06,883 --> 00:21:09,182
Telephone call for Major Hoople.
482
00:21:10,219 --> 00:21:11,419
Excuse me.
483
00:21:17,059 --> 00:21:19,693
Hello, Major Hoople. Hello?
484
00:21:19,728 --> 00:21:22,196
Psst! Psst!
485
00:21:22,231 --> 00:21:25,065
Klink.
486
00:21:26,502 --> 00:21:27,712
Go out the back door.
487
00:21:27,736 --> 00:21:29,036
There is no back door.
488
00:21:29,071 --> 00:21:30,704
I'll make one.
489
00:21:30,739 --> 00:21:32,907
Um, stand up.
490
00:21:35,912 --> 00:21:37,890
I'm going to march
you out of here
491
00:21:37,914 --> 00:21:39,557
like we're going back to camp.
492
00:21:39,581 --> 00:21:41,415
Follow me.
493
00:21:46,355 --> 00:21:47,555
Major.
494
00:21:49,108 --> 00:21:50,607
Won't you join us, huh?
495
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:54,011
Don't panic. Wait right here.
496
00:21:54,047 --> 00:21:57,915
You know Leutnant Doenitz
and your colonel, of course.
497
00:21:57,950 --> 00:22:00,084
Yeah, Colonel. You?
498
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:01,797
You all know each other?
499
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:04,855
Major Hoople is a
very good friend of ours.
500
00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:06,340
Major who?
501
00:22:06,375 --> 00:22:07,841
Not who, Hoople.
502
00:22:07,876 --> 00:22:09,509
He has trouble with
names sometimes.
503
00:22:09,545 --> 00:22:10,677
Hogan.
504
00:22:10,712 --> 00:22:13,013
That's my first name:
Hogan. Hogan Hoople.
505
00:22:13,049 --> 00:22:14,526
Where did you get that uniform?
506
00:22:14,550 --> 00:22:17,351
Oh, they've got a great little
army and navy store in town,
507
00:22:17,386 --> 00:22:19,186
and they've got a
special this week:
508
00:22:19,221 --> 00:22:20,887
30% off on tee shirts,
509
00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,222
assorted colors.
510
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:23,708
What are you doing here?
511
00:22:23,743 --> 00:22:26,544
I was just taking a
work detail back to camp.
512
00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:27,945
A work de...
513
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:32,550
Oh, no.
514
00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:34,552
I think I have
a fever after all.
515
00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:36,036
Brought on by the fact
516
00:22:36,072 --> 00:22:38,872
that you do not have
the 5,000 Marks, eh?
517
00:22:38,908 --> 00:22:42,542
Captain, I have not been
able to get to the bank today,
518
00:22:42,578 --> 00:22:43,877
but I assure you...
519
00:22:43,912 --> 00:22:46,213
Excuse me, Colonel,
have you forgotten?
520
00:22:46,248 --> 00:22:47,409
What? Forgotten what?
521
00:22:47,433 --> 00:22:49,900
You sent me to the bank for you.
522
00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:51,235
I did?
523
00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:54,572
I did.
524
00:22:54,607 --> 00:22:57,441
It all seems to be here.
525
00:22:57,477 --> 00:22:59,559
Five thousand.
526
00:22:59,595 --> 00:23:05,132
Do you think a German
officer would shortchange you?
527
00:23:05,167 --> 00:23:07,468
Well, thank you
very much, Colonel.
528
00:23:07,503 --> 00:23:09,670
Fraulein, beer for
everyone, please.
529
00:23:09,705 --> 00:23:12,139
I'm terribly sorry, gentlemen.
I must be getting along.
530
00:23:12,174 --> 00:23:13,140
What a pity.
531
00:23:13,175 --> 00:23:14,524
Yes, I was beginning to enjoy
532
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,360
the major's company.
533
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,695
Some people can sit
around drinking beer.
534
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,691
I have a prisoner
of war camp to run.
535
00:23:22,135 --> 00:23:24,068
Gentlemen.
536
00:23:31,894 --> 00:23:34,194
Colonel Hogan, you are confined
537
00:23:34,229 --> 00:23:35,874
to the barracks
until further notice,
538
00:23:35,898 --> 00:23:39,099
and your men are sentenced
to 30 days in the cooler.
539
00:23:39,135 --> 00:23:40,200
Now, Colonel...
540
00:23:40,235 --> 00:23:41,713
And then you will be arrested
541
00:23:41,737 --> 00:23:44,538
as a spy wearing
a German uniform.
542
00:23:44,573 --> 00:23:46,284
We only borrowed it for a night.
543
00:23:46,308 --> 00:23:48,893
And you, Sergeant Blabbermouth,
544
00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,295
will answer to a
court-martial for this.
545
00:23:51,330 --> 00:23:52,908
Well, that's very unfair, sir.
546
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,643
Schultz was only
trying to help you out.
547
00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:56,211
Let us work in the
Hofbrau to raise
548
00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:58,368
your 5,000 Marks. Is that true?
549
00:23:58,404 --> 00:24:00,571
Whatever Colonel Hogan says.
550
00:24:00,606 --> 00:24:02,684
He was standing guard
outside the Hofbrau...
551
00:24:02,708 --> 00:24:05,242
and now you want
to court-martial him.
552
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,517
Well, that puts everything
into a different light.
553
00:24:07,547 --> 00:24:11,181
I will have to give the whole
matter some more consideration.
554
00:24:11,216 --> 00:24:12,850
Dismissed.
555
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:26,846
Well, that's one way
to skin a commandant.
556
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:30,184
Colonel Hogan, how
did you get the money?
557
00:24:30,219 --> 00:24:33,687
Let's just say I had it made
up by native craftsmen.
558
00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:38,024
Counterfeit! Ach du lieber.
559
00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:42,529
For this, Milheiser and Doenitz could
spend the rest of the war in chains.
560
00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:45,566
We can only hope.
38725
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