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1
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:07,439
CBS presents this
program in color.
2
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,972
Well, howdy, friend.
3
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:14,973
Shh!
4
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:16,108
Howdy, monsieur.
5
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:19,778
Jeb Winslow, Captain,
4l9th Fighter Squadron.
6
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,091
I'm an American.
7
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,647
Oh, really?
8
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:25,583
Corporal LeBeau, Stalag 13.
9
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,530
You from that big old
ugly prison camp yonder?
10
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:28,519
Yes, sir.
11
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,266
We had a message
from the underground.
12
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,868
You got shot down
near Dusseldorf?
13
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,793
Some Kraut on the
ground got my gas tank.
14
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,895
I was coming down real fast,
15
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,441
just like a great big
bare-faced vulture,
16
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,143
strafing a train, when
all of a sudden that...
17
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,299
Shh!
18
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:44,169
Hey, Capitaine, is this
going to be a long story?
19
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:45,503
Huh?
20
00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:47,105
Colonel Hogan
is waiting for you.
21
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:50,575
Oh, okay, Shorty.
22
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,310
Lead the way.
23
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:53,378
All right, let's go.
24
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:59,151
Ooh-wee.
25
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:01,097
Imagine sneaking
into a prison camp
26
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,866
just so you can sneak out again.
27
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,589
C'est la guerre, uh?
28
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:07,692
Hold on. That's French.
29
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:10,996
I reckon so, stranger.
30
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:27,245
Well, howdy.
31
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,592
How'd you get him
through the tunnel?
32
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:32,128
Did you come by plane or horse?
33
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,919
Oh, these here are my
good luck flying clothes.
34
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,366
Yeah, well if Sitting Bull
35
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,870
gets in the war,
you'll be all set.
36
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,461
Uh, excuse me.
37
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,863
You're the first Texan
38
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,965
I've ever seen
outside the cinema.
39
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,766
It's quite a shock, you know.
40
00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,270
Hey, Captain, how many
planes you shoot down?
41
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,616
Oh, nine for dang sure.
42
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,706
Three or four maybes.
43
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:55,907
Hey, why don't we all go home
44
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:57,742
and let him finish
the war by himself.
45
00:02:57,777 --> 00:02:59,856
Hey, uh, Colonel,
how soon you reckon
46
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,691
I could get back to my squadron?
47
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,181
Our radio man is making contact
48
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,517
with a sub patrolling
off the coast right now.
49
00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,185
Well, how about that?
50
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,753
They'll arrange a
rendezvous point
51
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,088
and pick you up in 48 hours.
52
00:03:10,124 --> 00:03:11,734
No, he won't.
53
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,126
We had a short, blew
out half the equipment.
54
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,527
We can't send or receive.
55
00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:16,961
How long to fix it?
56
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:17,962
It's impossible.
57
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,075
We need new parts.
58
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,843
All right, we'll get them
for you... make a list.
59
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,078
Got it right here.
60
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,169
You're all going
to get radio parts
61
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,838
in the middle of Germany
with a big old war going on?
62
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,284
We got a contact in town...
63
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,020
Bartender at the local hotel.
64
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:32,077
Fellas, I'm going
to need a volunteer
65
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:34,046
to go into town
to see the dentist.
66
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:37,449
Hmm, I see, another
stampede, huh?
67
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:40,385
I'm sorry, I can only
accept one volunteer.
68
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,664
Sir, I...
69
00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:42,720
Thank you, Newkirk.
70
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,501
No, I was only going
to suggest Carter.
71
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:46,224
Oh, thanks, pal.
72
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,404
Nurse, will you assist him?
73
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:48,393
Yes, sir.
74
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:49,727
Now, if you'll please open wide?
75
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:50,728
Open wide, please.
76
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:51,874
This won't hurt.
This won't hurt.
77
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,732
Cotton. Cotton.
78
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,733
There you are.
79
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,569
Now have a toothache,
and that's an order.
80
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,542
Herr Kommandant, here they are.
81
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,854
I will finish dictating
82
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,956
those reports later,
Fraulein Helga.
83
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,913
Very good, Herr Colonel.
84
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,785
You look beautiful today, baby.
85
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,798
Schultz!
86
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:18,457
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
87
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,803
Now, Colonel Hogan,
a toothache, huh?
88
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,138
Your men seem to have
89
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,107
a lot of dental trouble lately.
90
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,908
I think it's the sawdust
in the bread, sir,
91
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,044
but I guess if you want to
make money on supplies,
92
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,145
you've got to do that.
93
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,169
Who told you that we put sawdust
94
00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:32,971
in the prisoners' bread?
95
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,305
A little bird told me.
96
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:35,368
That little bird
97
00:04:35,392 --> 00:04:38,125
may soon be flying
off to the Russian front.
98
00:04:38,161 --> 00:04:41,146
I said nothing, Herr
Kommandant, nothing.
99
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,665
Does it hurt?
100
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:45,867
Oh, the pain is terrible.
101
00:04:45,902 --> 00:04:47,380
Let him speak for himself.
102
00:04:48,838 --> 00:04:50,438
That's plain enough for anybody.
103
00:04:50,474 --> 00:04:52,685
Now, how did I know this
is a genuine toothache?
104
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:53,719
Open your mouth.
105
00:04:53,743 --> 00:04:56,277
Ah-ha, mouth
stuffed with cotton.
106
00:04:56,313 --> 00:04:58,813
That's to keep the tooth warm.
107
00:04:58,848 --> 00:05:00,348
Why, of course.
108
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:03,885
Don't you give me any
credit for having any brains.
109
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,053
I refuse to answer
110
00:05:05,088 --> 00:05:06,768
on the grounds that
I might tell the truth.
111
00:05:07,991 --> 00:05:09,068
Schultz!
112
00:05:09,092 --> 00:05:11,493
If I agree to let him
go to the dentist,
113
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:14,962
what guarantee do I have
that he will not try to escape.
114
00:05:14,998 --> 00:05:15,998
You have my word.
115
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,033
He agrees.
116
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:18,966
I heard him.
117
00:05:19,002 --> 00:05:20,502
All right.
118
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:21,503
I'll give him a pass.
119
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:23,349
Now, Schultz, you take him
120
00:05:23,373 --> 00:05:25,907
straight to the
dentist in Hamilburg
121
00:05:25,942 --> 00:05:27,487
and then straight back here
122
00:05:27,511 --> 00:05:29,422
without any detours, understood?
123
00:05:29,446 --> 00:05:31,012
Understood, Herr Kommandant.
124
00:05:31,048 --> 00:05:33,965
And you will stay
with him at all times,
125
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,933
even while the
dentist treats him.
126
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:39,871
Sir, the dentist
might pull his tooth.
127
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:40,838
So?
128
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,741
I can't stand the
sight of blood.
129
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,544
Imbecile!
130
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:49,080
How did you ever get
into the German army?
131
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:50,582
I think he lied
about his weight.
132
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,389
No, no.
133
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,391
The order was
straight to the dentist
134
00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,958
and then straight back home.
135
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,694
Schultz, you can't deny a man
136
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:05,297
a bit of schnapps before
a visit to the dentist.
137
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:06,764
It's inhuman.
138
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,366
Look, one drink.
139
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,901
One drink, now, come on.
140
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,404
You'll have a beer.
141
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,105
Ein bier.
142
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:15,318
Yes, sir.
143
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,153
And I'll have a wee
drop of whiskey.
144
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:18,888
Now don't worry. Don't worry.
145
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:19,944
All right.
146
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:20,945
Hello, chum.
147
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:22,330
Wie gehts and all that.
148
00:06:22,365 --> 00:06:25,433
Oh, that's that lovely
tub of beer for my friend.
149
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:28,236
A wee drop of
whiskey for me, please.
150
00:06:28,271 --> 00:06:30,438
Whiskey, sir. Yes.
151
00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,707
The good stuff, right.
152
00:06:32,742 --> 00:06:37,545
Radio parts.
153
00:06:37,581 --> 00:06:39,314
We need them right away.
154
00:06:41,284 --> 00:06:42,650
Here we go then.
155
00:06:42,685 --> 00:06:45,853
Ooh, this stuff looks
good enough to drink.
156
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,326
Ah... prosit.
157
00:06:51,361 --> 00:06:53,528
Well, if you say so.
158
00:07:03,306 --> 00:07:04,472
Ah...
159
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:07,876
Oh, this is good, strong beer.
160
00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:10,745
Nothing too good for
our boys in uniform.
161
00:07:12,549 --> 00:07:14,494
Is that an officer back there?
162
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:16,017
Where?
163
00:07:16,052 --> 00:07:18,019
I see nothing.
164
00:07:18,054 --> 00:07:19,420
It's my mistake.
165
00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:21,133
I'm a bit jumpy, I guess.
166
00:07:21,157 --> 00:07:23,157
Oh, don't scare me like that.
167
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:26,227
Prosit.
168
00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:27,542
Prosit.
169
00:07:32,636 --> 00:07:35,603
Excuse me, sir.
170
00:07:35,639 --> 00:07:40,307
What time does this
train get to Dusseldorf?
171
00:07:40,343 --> 00:07:42,043
I'll let you know.
172
00:07:42,078 --> 00:07:44,211
Thank you very much, sir.
173
00:07:47,584 --> 00:07:48,816
Ah...
174
00:07:48,852 --> 00:07:50,852
Very good beer in this place,
175
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,721
but the glasses are terrible.
176
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,632
Thanks, chum.
177
00:08:04,668 --> 00:08:07,001
Lend us a hand, will you?
178
00:08:07,037 --> 00:08:08,703
Come on, Schultz.
179
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,349
Come on, the party's over.
180
00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:11,417
Look alive, now.
181
00:08:11,441 --> 00:08:13,575
You go to the dentist.
I wait for you here.
182
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:15,555
Been to the dentist. Look, look.
183
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:17,056
The swelling, it's gone.
184
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,157
Now, come on.
185
00:08:18,181 --> 00:08:19,747
Send the bill to Klink.
186
00:08:21,184 --> 00:08:24,085
Big shot, Klink.
187
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,098
Blimey, he's a load.
188
00:08:26,122 --> 00:08:29,390
I may have to roll
him back to camp.
189
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,287
Hey, was ist los?
190
00:08:48,311 --> 00:08:50,144
Open up. Open up. Schnell.
191
00:08:50,179 --> 00:08:51,412
Hello, Hans.
192
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:52,947
We went to the dentist.
193
00:08:52,983 --> 00:08:55,182
We had a marvelous time.
194
00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:57,085
You want Klink on us?
195
00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,788
Ah, Kommandant
Klink, Mr. Big Shot.
196
00:09:00,824 --> 00:09:03,057
Stop that. Stop that.
197
00:09:03,093 --> 00:09:05,126
Stop that flipping noise.
198
00:09:05,161 --> 00:09:06,293
If Klink hears us,
199
00:09:06,329 --> 00:09:08,240
he'll make all kinds of
trouble for you tomorrow.
200
00:09:08,264 --> 00:09:09,296
Shh.
201
00:09:12,736 --> 00:09:14,401
Sergeant Schultz!
202
00:09:14,437 --> 00:09:16,388
Well, here it is tomorrow.
203
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:19,057
Hello, Big Shot.
204
00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:24,912
I mean jawohl,
Kommandant Big Shot.
205
00:09:24,948 --> 00:09:27,915
I mean, uh... forget it.
206
00:09:27,951 --> 00:09:28,966
Anything wrong?
207
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:29,967
Never mind, Hogan.
208
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,180
I thought one of my men
209
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,470
might be in trouble, sir,
210
00:09:32,506 --> 00:09:34,386
but I can see it's one of yours.
211
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,007
Oh, this man
212
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,708
is obviously not well, sir.
213
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,355
Careful of the fumes, sir.
214
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,079
On your feet, Dummkopf.
215
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:51,022
Request permission to fall
flat on my face if necessary.
216
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:54,526
Seven hours ago you left
this camp to go to the dentist.
217
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:58,296
Seven hours at the dentist?
218
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,808
It was a very big tooth, sir.
219
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:00,976
Silence.
220
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,635
Now a prisoner has to
bring you back... drunk.
221
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,504
Well, at least Newkirk is sober.
222
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:07,983
Yes, sir. Pity, ain't it?
223
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:10,408
I will be sober
by tomorrow, sir.
224
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,021
Oh, yes, Schultz.
225
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:15,613
You will also walk a
guard post outside the wire,
226
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:19,684
back and forth, where
it's cold and lonely.
227
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,531
But that will only be temporary.
228
00:10:21,555 --> 00:10:23,488
Thank you, sir.
229
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:26,091
Until the sergeant
who replaces you
230
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,093
arrives from headquarters.
231
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,828
And then our
favorite drunken fool
232
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:33,064
will be transferred
to the command
233
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:36,101
of some other lucky officer.
234
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,274
Ach du lieber.
235
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,542
He's gone now, Schultz.
236
00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:46,277
It's okay to fall on your face.
237
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,546
Ach du lieber.
238
00:10:48,582 --> 00:10:50,782
♪ Ach du lieber... ♪
239
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,808
Old Schultz is really
suffering out there.
240
00:11:00,844 --> 00:11:04,011
He looks like a Zeppelin
with empty gas bags.
241
00:11:04,046 --> 00:11:05,747
I talked to him
a little while ago.
242
00:11:05,782 --> 00:11:10,117
All he said was, "Mein
feet are killing me."
243
00:11:10,152 --> 00:11:12,431
Colonel, do you think Klink
will really transfer him out?
244
00:11:12,455 --> 00:11:13,554
I hope not.
245
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:14,867
It took a long time
to train Schultz.
246
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:17,102
He sits up and
begs for my strudel.
247
00:11:17,126 --> 00:11:18,459
Yeah?
248
00:11:18,495 --> 00:11:19,560
Who's this?
249
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,935
Herr Kommandant,
Sergeant Ernst Krebs
250
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:30,505
reporting for duty
as ordered, sir!
251
00:11:30,540 --> 00:11:33,841
At ease, Sergeant.
252
00:11:35,545 --> 00:11:36,611
There's your answer.
253
00:11:36,646 --> 00:11:38,012
That's Schultz's replacement.
254
00:11:38,047 --> 00:11:41,115
He barks like a ruddy seal.
255
00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:44,018
Yeah, he looks very G.I. to me.
256
00:11:44,053 --> 00:11:45,185
Let's find out.
257
00:11:45,221 --> 00:11:47,321
Try him on for size, Carter,
258
00:11:47,356 --> 00:11:48,689
but take it easy.
259
00:11:48,725 --> 00:11:49,757
Okay.
260
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,404
Things run very smoothly
261
00:11:51,428 --> 00:11:52,428
here, Sergeant.
262
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,596
We have never even had
an escape at Stalag 13.
263
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,565
Hiya, Colonel. How's the boy?
264
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,802
Halt!
265
00:12:00,837 --> 00:12:03,438
Is that the way you talk
to the commanding officer,
266
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:04,439
"How's the boy?"
267
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,984
Well, see, we're old friends...
268
00:12:06,008 --> 00:12:08,309
Come to attention!
269
00:12:08,344 --> 00:12:09,877
Eyes front.
270
00:12:09,913 --> 00:12:11,879
Salute.
271
00:12:11,915 --> 00:12:14,148
Carter, this is a new broom.
272
00:12:14,183 --> 00:12:15,193
Well, sir...
273
00:12:15,217 --> 00:12:17,752
Do as he says, or this new broom
274
00:12:17,787 --> 00:12:20,822
will sweep you
right into the cooler.
275
00:12:20,857 --> 00:12:22,137
Yes, sir.
276
00:12:23,259 --> 00:12:25,760
Sergeant Krebs, follow me.
277
00:12:32,569 --> 00:12:35,470
Three days before we can
get a message to London, sir?
278
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:37,371
That's about the size of it.
279
00:12:37,406 --> 00:12:38,973
Close it up down there.
280
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,641
We got bigger troubles anyway.
281
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,477
This new Sergeant
is a bloodhound.
282
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,745
If we lose Schultz
and get stuck with him
283
00:12:44,781 --> 00:12:47,214
our whole operation
could be out of business.
284
00:12:47,249 --> 00:12:49,517
Well, maybe we can
tame him if he likes strudel.
285
00:12:49,552 --> 00:12:50,996
Come on, it took us six months
286
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,765
to get Schultz to
look the other way.
287
00:12:52,789 --> 00:12:54,366
And he's got no
character at all.
288
00:12:54,390 --> 00:12:55,701
Watch it, somebody's coming.
289
00:12:55,725 --> 00:12:57,558
Scramble.
290
00:12:59,562 --> 00:13:00,573
Hi, Schultz.
291
00:13:00,597 --> 00:13:01,529
How are you?
292
00:13:01,564 --> 00:13:03,798
Eight hours I walked today.
293
00:13:03,833 --> 00:13:07,568
Come on, sit down,
Schultz, rest your bones.
294
00:13:07,604 --> 00:13:08,604
Oh. Aw.
295
00:13:08,638 --> 00:13:09,782
You all pooped out, huh?
296
00:13:09,806 --> 00:13:11,038
Oh, I'm double pooped out.
297
00:13:11,073 --> 00:13:13,574
I'm going to be pooped
out for the rest of my life.
298
00:13:13,610 --> 00:13:15,543
And tomorrow I
have to walk again.
299
00:13:15,578 --> 00:13:16,622
Oh, tough go, Schultz.
300
00:13:16,646 --> 00:13:18,312
LeBeau, please, could I have
301
00:13:18,347 --> 00:13:21,081
some of the foot powder
the Red Cross gave you?
302
00:13:21,117 --> 00:13:22,583
Sure.
303
00:13:22,619 --> 00:13:24,752
One thing I don't understand...
304
00:13:24,787 --> 00:13:28,188
How could I get so drunk
on one glass of beer?
305
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:31,225
Never drink on an
empty stomach, Schultz.
306
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:32,727
You call this empty?
307
00:13:32,762 --> 00:13:34,161
Cheer, up, Schultz.
308
00:13:34,196 --> 00:13:36,998
Maybe they'll send
you to a good post.
309
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,433
Or maybe they're going to
send me to the Russian Front.
310
00:13:39,468 --> 00:13:41,869
If they transfer
you close to home,
311
00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:44,906
you'll be able to see
your wife more often.
312
00:13:44,941 --> 00:13:49,476
All of a sudden the Russian
Front sounds very good.
313
00:13:51,514 --> 00:13:54,682
Any of you fellas got a
cigarette for a buddy?
314
00:13:54,717 --> 00:13:56,717
Yeah, here, old buddy.
315
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:58,185
Light?
316
00:13:58,220 --> 00:13:59,987
Oh, here, here.
317
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,394
Well, I'll see you
men all later, huh?
318
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:11,832
Hold it. Hold it.
319
00:14:11,868 --> 00:14:12,833
Who is this?
320
00:14:12,869 --> 00:14:14,468
Captain Jeb Winslow.
321
00:14:14,503 --> 00:14:16,136
Guten abend, buddy.
322
00:14:16,172 --> 00:14:17,538
Nice to meet you.
323
00:14:17,574 --> 00:14:19,974
Well, auf Wiedersehen, y'all.
324
00:14:20,009 --> 00:14:21,009
Halt. Hold it.
325
00:14:21,044 --> 00:14:24,144
Schultz, what about
another cup of coffee.
326
00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:25,245
Go away.
327
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,759
A nice cup of foot powder?
328
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:27,783
Ah-ha, Winslow.
329
00:14:27,817 --> 00:14:30,117
He was never on the roll call.
330
00:14:30,152 --> 00:14:32,887
Schultz, he's only
passing through.
331
00:14:32,922 --> 00:14:34,055
Ah-ha, a spy.
332
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,289
In uniform?
333
00:14:35,324 --> 00:14:37,992
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
334
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:43,697
There was a plane shot down
near Dusseldorf the other day.
335
00:14:43,732 --> 00:14:45,010
They got my gas tank.
336
00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:47,146
I was coming for
a strafing real...
337
00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:48,970
All right, Captain, pipe down.
338
00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:51,705
This is my lucky break.
339
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:52,918
How do you figure that?
340
00:14:52,942 --> 00:14:55,142
Well, if I turn him in to Klink,
341
00:14:55,178 --> 00:14:57,979
he's going to tear up
my transfer papers.
342
00:14:58,014 --> 00:14:59,613
Good thinking, Schultz.
343
00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:02,749
Yeah, my feet might be
dead, but not my brain.
344
00:15:02,785 --> 00:15:05,152
Fine, and when Klink
starts to figure out
345
00:15:05,188 --> 00:15:08,622
how he got into camp while
you were Sergeant of the Guard,
346
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:11,125
you get a chance to
use your brain again...
347
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,493
At your court-martial.
348
00:15:12,528 --> 00:15:14,028
Please, don't confuse me.
349
00:15:14,063 --> 00:15:16,230
Face it, buddy,
you're up the creek.
350
00:15:16,265 --> 00:15:19,083
No matter what I
do, I cannot be smart.
351
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,051
But I have to turn him in.
352
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,286
Go, go, go.
353
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,021
Schultz, we'll work
a deal with you.
354
00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:25,022
Forget you saw him,
355
00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:26,724
and we'll get rid
of Sergeant Krebs.
356
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,526
That way Klink will
have to keep you.
357
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:29,694
How can you do that?
358
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:30,928
We'll think of something.
359
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:33,230
But, but, but...
Klink already signed
360
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,331
my transfer papers.
361
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,133
Corporal Langenscheidt told me.
362
00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:38,013
He signed them, but
they never left camp.
363
00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:39,103
How do you know?
364
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:40,905
Mm-hmm.
365
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:44,475
"Name:
366
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:46,577
"Schultz, Hans.
367
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,213
Rank: sergeant, grade one..."
368
00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:50,882
Radio? You found a radio?
369
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,683
That's against regulations.
370
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,619
Shh. I wouldn't tell you this,
371
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,220
except you're a new man,
372
00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:59,724
and I'd like to see you
make a few points with Klink.
373
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,492
Where is this radio?
374
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,209
Yeah...
375
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,243
Homemade.
376
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:09,634
That's the best kind.
377
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:12,303
Somebody will get
the cooler for this.
378
00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:13,638
It works on a battery.
379
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:14,784
Very clever.
380
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:18,743
Klink will love you for this.
381
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,144
Sehr gut.
382
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:21,546
I won't forget it.
383
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:26,751
I know you won't... pal.
384
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:30,654
So, our new broom,
Sergeant Krebs, sweeps again.
385
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,501
Danke, Herr Kommandant. I try.
386
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:36,327
I shall start an
investigation right away.
387
00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:37,594
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
388
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,130
Obviously homemade.
389
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,664
It is amazing to me
390
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:44,768
how ingenious these
prisoners can be when they try.
391
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,037
Jawohl, that is true, sir.
392
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,315
Yes...
393
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,218
very ingenious.
394
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:09,227
Hello. Hello, Colonel.
395
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,330
Can you hear me?
396
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,765
Hello. Colonel Hogan.
397
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:15,867
This is Kinch.
398
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,134
Can you read me?
399
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,435
Hello, Colonel.
400
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,104
If you can hear me,
401
00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:23,107
the tunnel is too
near the surface.
402
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:26,310
Hello, Colonel.
403
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:29,380
Colonel. Hello.
404
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:35,630
Are you sure this is
the spot, Sergeant?
405
00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:36,620
Ja, Herr Kommandant.
406
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:38,622
He was talking to
someone under the ground.
407
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:41,325
Incredible. Simply incredible.
408
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,326
Kommandant...
409
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:43,460
step over here.
410
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:46,264
You can still see his
handprints in the dirt.
411
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,779
Ah-ha, now we're
getting somewhere.
412
00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:55,501
Confirm pickup
point M-12, 48 hours.
413
00:17:55,525 --> 00:17:58,259
Well, the Lone Ranger's going
home to his squadron, men.
414
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:00,361
How do we get him
out of camp, Colonel?
415
00:18:00,396 --> 00:18:01,473
The emergency tunnel.
416
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,964
With Sergeant Krebs on
our backs every minute?
417
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,199
Mm-hmm.
418
00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:06,711
Yes, what do we do about him?
419
00:18:06,735 --> 00:18:08,735
Every night he
does a little listening
420
00:18:08,771 --> 00:18:10,149
outside the windows, right?
421
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:12,984
Tonight he's going
to hear something,
422
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:15,128
and then we'll be on
his back for a change.
423
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:24,185
Hey, Newkirk, I just
spoke to the colonel.
424
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:25,297
What's up?
425
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:26,603
LeBEAU: Tomorrow night.
426
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,406
Tomorrow night? Where?
427
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,441
LeBEAU: From here.
428
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:31,943
Let me see if
I've got that right.
429
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:33,945
Tomorrow night from here?
430
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,958
Hi, fellas. What's cooking?
431
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,214
Shh. Shh.
432
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,650
LeBeau just got the
word. Tomorrow night.
433
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,401
No kidding? Tomorrow night?
434
00:18:41,437 --> 00:18:42,402
LeBEAU: From here.
435
00:18:42,438 --> 00:18:43,403
No kidding?
436
00:18:43,439 --> 00:18:44,600
Tomorrow night? From here?
437
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:45,590
Check.
438
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,591
Check.
439
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:47,592
Check.
440
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:48,960
Check.
441
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:54,298
Guten tag.
442
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,432
Oh, hi, Sarge.
443
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:59,070
Hey, listen, I'm really
sorry about that trick radio.
444
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:02,106
Why, the guys really
pulled a fast one on me.
445
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,419
Ja, ja, well, I give you chance
446
00:19:04,443 --> 00:19:05,910
to make up for that.
447
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,356
I, uh... I need
some information.
448
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:09,480
What do you mean?
449
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:10,581
I've heard a rumor
450
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:13,017
there is something
on for tonight.
451
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,230
Do you know anything about this?
452
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:16,954
You mean like an escape?
453
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,522
Possibly.
454
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:21,626
Where do you come off
asking me a question like that?
455
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,538
Just because I
turned a radio in,
456
00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:26,030
don't think I'm going
to rat on my buddies.
457
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,965
Now, you get this straight, pal,
458
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,745
I'm no fink and
don't ever forget it.
459
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,085
Take it easy.
460
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,486
What a nerve.
461
00:19:32,521 --> 00:19:34,554
Oh, by the way, Sarge,
462
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,623
if I don't ever see
you again after tonight,
463
00:19:36,658 --> 00:19:38,492
it's been a real
pleasure knowing you.
464
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:51,572
He's posting the guard.
465
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,118
All right, he'll be
here in a minute.
466
00:19:53,142 --> 00:19:54,586
He'll stick with us,
you can bet on that.
467
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,754
Everybody got the plan straight?
468
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,456
Yeah, the captain gets
in the tunnel and waits.
469
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:58,712
As soon as the alarm goes,
470
00:19:58,748 --> 00:19:59,792
I guide him through
to the woods.
471
00:19:59,816 --> 00:20:01,293
Right. Now make sure
Krebs is out of the way
472
00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:02,528
before you move.
473
00:20:02,552 --> 00:20:04,162
Carter, you and
LeBeau get in my office
474
00:20:04,186 --> 00:20:05,431
as soon as you can.
475
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,098
We'll use the window
to get out. Right.
476
00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:10,057
Ah-ha. I'm going back
to little old England.
477
00:20:10,092 --> 00:20:11,136
And next time you're captured,
478
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,171
find yourself another POW camp.
479
00:20:13,195 --> 00:20:15,140
He made me barbecue
K rations for him.
480
00:20:15,164 --> 00:20:17,465
Americans.
481
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:18,666
He's moving this way.
482
00:20:18,701 --> 00:20:20,868
All right, Lone Ranger,
hide in the tunnel.
483
00:20:20,903 --> 00:20:22,903
Hi-ho, Silver.
484
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:25,451
Newkirk, get started.
485
00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:26,440
Right.
486
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:27,741
Now, let me show you a trick.
487
00:20:27,777 --> 00:20:28,987
All right.
488
00:20:29,011 --> 00:20:30,978
This one is always
a crowd pleaser.
489
00:20:31,013 --> 00:20:32,279
Take a card.
490
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:33,425
Guten abend, gentlemen.
491
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:34,827
Put it back. I
don't want to see it.
492
00:20:34,851 --> 00:20:35,649
I don't want to see it. Okay.
493
00:20:35,685 --> 00:20:36,450
All right? Yeah.
494
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:37,685
Very quiet this evening, huh?
495
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,498
Right. Go ahead.
496
00:20:39,522 --> 00:20:41,800
Oh, that's fabulous.
How do you do it?
497
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:44,525
Evening. Evening.
Oh, that's great.
498
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,360
Oh, how's that...?
499
00:20:46,395 --> 00:20:47,928
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
500
00:20:47,964 --> 00:20:50,631
I thought there was one missing.
501
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,077
That's too much! Too much!
502
00:20:52,101 --> 00:20:54,434
I tell you, this man's a
walking deck of cards.
503
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:55,435
Can you believe it?
504
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:56,436
Let me show you.
505
00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:57,671
You'll like this trick.
506
00:20:57,707 --> 00:20:58,672
Do that again.
507
00:20:58,708 --> 00:20:59,673
Come here. Now watch this.
508
00:20:59,709 --> 00:21:00,853
I want you to take
any card at all.
509
00:21:00,877 --> 00:21:01,809
Come here, any card at all.
510
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,811
Any card.
511
00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:04,812
Don't let me see it.
512
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,047
I don't want to see it, right.
513
00:21:06,081 --> 00:21:07,581
Right, put it back, put it back.
514
00:21:07,617 --> 00:21:08,582
I put it back.
515
00:21:08,618 --> 00:21:10,450
Just remember
it, right, put it back.
516
00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:11,919
Mix them up. There you go.
517
00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:13,754
I'm going to think of that card.
518
00:21:13,789 --> 00:21:16,309
Think of that card. Right.
519
00:21:16,341 --> 00:21:17,586
Cut 'em once.
520
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,143
That's your card, isn't it?
521
00:21:20,178 --> 00:21:21,890
Listen, there must
be a trick to that, huh?
522
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,981
Oh, I never said there
wasn't a trick to it, did I?
523
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:25,296
Do it again.
524
00:21:29,989 --> 00:21:31,639
Was it the eight of diamonds?
525
00:21:31,674 --> 00:21:33,685
Ja, it was the
eight of diamonds.
526
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,009
Isn't that fantastic?
527
00:21:42,885 --> 00:21:44,245
Do it... do it
again. Do it again.
528
00:21:44,269 --> 00:21:45,235
Do it again.
529
00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:46,236
Okay, all right.
530
00:21:46,271 --> 00:21:48,631
You have nothing up your...?
531
00:21:50,593 --> 00:21:52,626
Halt.
532
00:21:52,662 --> 00:21:54,662
Hold it, Schultz, it's only us.
533
00:21:54,697 --> 00:21:57,665
What are you doing here?
534
00:21:57,700 --> 00:21:58,743
We're escaping, buddy.
535
00:21:58,767 --> 00:22:00,179
And you're going to catch us.
536
00:22:00,203 --> 00:22:01,502
I am?
537
00:22:01,537 --> 00:22:03,837
Then Klink forgets the
transfer, and you're a big shot.
538
00:22:03,872 --> 00:22:06,218
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Start
yelling, Schultz, for the dogs.
539
00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:07,208
No, no, no.
540
00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:10,477
With my luck, nothing works.
541
00:22:10,513 --> 00:22:12,680
Some people. You
try to help 'em, huh?
542
00:22:12,715 --> 00:22:14,682
All right, you
guys start yelling.
543
00:22:14,717 --> 00:22:15,749
Commandant!
544
00:22:15,784 --> 00:22:17,685
Quiet. You'll wake Klink up.
545
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,687
Quit making trouble. Quiet!
546
00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:27,511
It must be an escape.
547
00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:28,827
An escape?
548
00:22:32,652 --> 00:22:34,151
Kinch!
549
00:22:45,064 --> 00:22:47,865
Quiet! Quiet!
550
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:49,199
Quiet!
551
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:58,442
What is this?
552
00:22:58,478 --> 00:22:59,744
We were to trying to escape,
553
00:22:59,779 --> 00:23:01,223
and this rat,
Schultz, caught us.
554
00:23:01,247 --> 00:23:04,560
Yes, Herr Kommandant,
this rat, Schultz, caught them.
555
00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:06,216
If not for him, we
would have made it.
556
00:23:06,252 --> 00:23:07,518
Bah. Cochon.
557
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,732
Boy, a guy hasn't got a
chance with him around.
558
00:23:09,756 --> 00:23:11,467
Herr Kommandant.
559
00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:12,757
Herr Kommandant.
560
00:23:12,792 --> 00:23:16,059
Herr Kommandant,
there has been an escape.
561
00:23:16,095 --> 00:23:20,765
Thank you for that interesting
news bulletin, Sergeant.
562
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,366
Happy landings, Captain.
563
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:23,579
Thanks, old buddy.
564
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:25,068
See you in Fort Worth.
565
00:23:30,476 --> 00:23:32,320
Why didn't you know
about this, Sergeant?
566
00:23:32,344 --> 00:23:33,344
Sir, I had information
567
00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:35,446
the escape would take
place from the barracks.
568
00:23:35,481 --> 00:23:36,447
I was watching there.
569
00:23:36,482 --> 00:23:38,260
You fool, that was a diversion.
570
00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:39,683
This is the real escape.
571
00:23:39,719 --> 00:23:41,184
I'm sorry, Herr Kommandant.
572
00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:43,265
Being sorry does
not prevent escapes.
573
00:23:43,289 --> 00:23:44,800
You are hereby relieved of duty,
574
00:23:44,824 --> 00:23:46,968
and you will be transferred
out of here at once.
575
00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:48,036
Dismissed.
576
00:23:48,060 --> 00:23:51,228
Schultz, you will resume
as Sergeant of the Guard.
577
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:53,564
Now, your transfer
is being revoked.
578
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,198
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
579
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:56,867
Colonel, I protest.
580
00:23:56,903 --> 00:23:58,035
This man is inhuman.
581
00:23:58,070 --> 00:24:00,905
He's a monster with eyes
in the back of his head.
582
00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,051
And the pair in
front ain't bad either.
583
00:24:03,075 --> 00:24:04,141
Silence.
584
00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:06,444
Gentlemen, your protests
are music to my ears.
585
00:24:06,479 --> 00:24:08,111
We need men like
Sergeant Schultz
586
00:24:08,147 --> 00:24:10,981
to maintain the
reputation of Stalag 13.
587
00:24:11,016 --> 00:24:13,717
Schultz, Hogan is
confined to the barracks,
588
00:24:13,753 --> 00:24:16,854
and these two idiots get
two weeks in the cooler.
589
00:24:16,889 --> 00:24:18,522
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
590
00:24:24,497 --> 00:24:26,174
Congratulations,
Schultz, we did it.
591
00:24:26,198 --> 00:24:27,965
Right, we got your
transfer canceled.
592
00:24:29,301 --> 00:24:31,435
All right, let's go!
593
00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:34,705
One wrong step and I'll shoot.
594
00:24:34,740 --> 00:24:36,907
Get him, will you?
595
00:24:36,943 --> 00:24:39,877
How quickly they forget.
596
00:24:39,912 --> 00:24:42,045
Back! Back! Back!
40158
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