Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,388 --> 00:00:09,591
CBS presents this
program in color.
2
00:01:10,954 --> 00:01:11,982
Sergeant!
3
00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:14,539
Yes, my Captain. Come here.
4
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,741
Give me the map.
5
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:18,821
The bombing is much
too heavy to continue.
6
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:20,278
Shall we take cover here?
7
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,324
Dummkopf!
8
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:22,558
With what we are carrying?
9
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,060
Do you realize what
will happen to us
10
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,029
if we do not deliver this
cargo to Berlin safely?
11
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,185
The Russian front.
12
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:31,201
Ja. We will be just in
time for the winter sports.
13
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:36,495
A-ha... we are only
a few minutes away
14
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,574
from a prisoner of war camp.
15
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,265
That is where we will go.
16
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,777
Will our cargo be
safe there, Captain?
17
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,969
The Allies would never
bomb their own men.
18
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:49,908
Stalag l3... the toughest
POW camp in all of Germany.
19
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:57,916
What if Commandant
Klink catches us?
20
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,563
Prisoners are allowed one
hour of recreation a day.
21
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,667
I missed the volleyball game.
22
00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:06,891
Mmm, you smell good.
23
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,461
The boys whipped
up a little after shave.
24
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,365
It's very exciting.
25
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,440
It's called
Unconditional Surrender.
26
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,116
May I ask what is going on here?
27
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,717
She was blocking the door, sir.
28
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,319
Well, I told him that
you were busy, Colonel.
29
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:27,312
Fraulein Helga is just doing
her duty like any German soldier,
30
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,147
a highly-trained machine.
31
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:32,095
Must be tough getting spare
parts for that machine, huh?
32
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,119
You may go now.
33
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,053
Thank you, sir.
34
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,492
You wanted to see me, sir?
35
00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:43,161
I did.
36
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:49,500
Now, any further demonstrations
by your men during an air raid
37
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:52,037
will bring immediate
disciplinary action.
38
00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:53,571
Do I make myself clear,
39
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,572
Colonel Hogan?
40
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:57,275
You keep telling us
you're winning the war.
41
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:58,610
Can't blame the fellows
42
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,489
for wanting to
celebrate a little raid.
43
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,313
There is nothing to celebrate.
44
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,116
No damage was done.
45
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,885
And your bombers
suffered severe losses
46
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,554
at the hands of our
illustrious Luftwaffe.
47
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,423
Come in.
48
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:15,160
Herr Kommandant,
this is Captain Mueller.
49
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,440
He hardly escaped
a terrible raid.
50
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:20,048
That raid was a
complete failure.
51
00:03:20,083 --> 00:03:22,100
No, Herr Kommandant.
52
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:25,081
They knocked the stuffing out
of the Messerschmidt factory
53
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,339
and got away from the Luftwaffe.
54
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,007
Illustrious Luftwaffe.
55
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,787
Illustrious Luft...
56
00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:32,744
Schultz!
57
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,545
I have a very urgent matter
58
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,514
to discuss with you, Colonel.
59
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:38,016
Of course, Captain. What is it?
60
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,852
I believe he means me.
61
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:45,140
The Captain is on his way
to Berlin with very important...
62
00:03:45,175 --> 00:03:46,219
Sergeant! Schultz!
63
00:03:46,243 --> 00:03:47,387
Come on, Schultz,
let's get out of here.
64
00:03:47,411 --> 00:03:48,377
We know when we're not wanted.
65
00:03:48,412 --> 00:03:49,692
You are dismissed.
66
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:57,920
Now, Captain Mueller,
what can I do for you?
67
00:03:57,955 --> 00:03:59,820
We are on our way to Berlin
68
00:03:59,856 --> 00:04:02,323
with an important
cargo from Norway.
69
00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:03,891
What is this cargo?
70
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,025
It is a highly-secret project.
71
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,829
Even my men do not
know what is in the truck.
72
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:29,667
Let us simply say it is water.
73
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,336
Water?
74
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:34,873
Very clever, Captain.
75
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,808
Hot water.
76
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,406
I wonder, what could
they have in that truck
77
00:04:52,442 --> 00:04:53,541
that's so important.
78
00:04:53,576 --> 00:04:55,877
Maybe it's a new type of gun.
79
00:04:55,912 --> 00:04:57,245
I don't think so.
80
00:04:57,280 --> 00:05:00,331
It's too small a
truck for a bomb.
81
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,767
Can't be that.
82
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,246
Think it might be a rocket?
83
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,070
No, they'd ship that
in a special vehicle.
84
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,476
Maybe it's a beautiful spy
85
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,945
like Mata Hari.
86
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,013
Hey, Schultz!
87
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:18,550
Colonel Hogan, I
have a favor to ask.
88
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,419
Sure, what can we
do for you, Schultz?
89
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:23,755
Could I have some of
the after-shave lotion?
90
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:26,858
Any time at all, Schultz.
91
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:29,093
Don't go to strangers.
92
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,339
Thank you, Colonel.
93
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,931
But, first... you
can do us a favor.
94
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,366
What? What? What? What? What?
95
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,669
What's in that truck?
96
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,270
A barrel of water.
97
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:40,539
Come on, Schultz.
98
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,774
You don't expect
us to believe that.
99
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,921
I swear to you,
I tell the truth.
100
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:45,911
It's a big secret.
101
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,223
The driver told me.
102
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:50,949
It's a barrel of water shipped
from Norway to Berlin.
103
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:57,066
You mean to say
they've got all those men
104
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,101
guarding a barrel of water?
105
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:01,660
Yes.
106
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:03,862
You know, Schultz,
107
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,975
if they had that many troops
at the Battle of the Marne,
108
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,467
you people wouldn't have
lost the First World War.
109
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,301
M-m-m-m-m!
110
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,437
Oh-b-b-b-b!
111
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,545
You believe him, Colonel?
112
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:23,615
Schultz, yes. The driver, no.
113
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,164
Halt!
114
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,454
It's okay, Sergeant.
115
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,900
Colonel Klink told
us to put this sign up.
116
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:31,935
What sign?
117
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:35,059
No smoking... smoking verboten.
118
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,873
See, with a barrel of
nitroglycerin we can't be
119
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,964
too careful. Nitroglycerine?
120
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,465
That's water.
121
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,801
Yeah, sure, sure.
122
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:46,771
We always put a 24-hour guard
around a barrel of water, huh?
123
00:06:48,057 --> 00:06:49,241
Put up the sign.
124
00:06:52,562 --> 00:06:55,580
Okay, now we
can all sleep better.
125
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:57,949
Afternoon, mate.
126
00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:01,386
How are you? All right?
127
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,622
Nein!
128
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:07,191
Oh, no, must be half
past 10:00 by now at least.
129
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,327
"No smoking."
130
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:12,998
Oh, no, nicht sprechen Sie...
131
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,066
What are you doing?
132
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,434
Guard! Guard!
133
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:17,947
Hey, hey, let me go, will you?
134
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,015
What's the matter with you?
135
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,039
Colonel Hogan!
136
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,506
Just for smoking a cigarette?
137
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,174
Hey, put me down, put me down
138
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,877
I shall report the lot of
you to Colonel Hogan.
139
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:26,913
Hey, would you...
140
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,047
Hey, get away...
141
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,182
What's the matter with you?
142
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,528
All I was doing was
having this smoke...
143
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:34,919
Hey, let go of my
hand, will you?
144
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,922
Colonel Hogan!
145
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,835
Colonel Hogan! Colonel...
146
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,860
Look, this is not the
last you've heard...
147
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,606
You can't have a smoke
in a camp like this?
148
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:46,631
I shall report the lot of
you to the Red Cross.
149
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:47,699
What's going on here?
150
00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:49,033
Take your hands
off that soldier.
151
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,069
He was trying to smoke.
152
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:54,506
Can't you English read English?
153
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,343
"No smoking."
154
00:07:58,378 --> 00:07:59,611
Begging the Colonel's pardon.
155
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,357
I-I didn't see the sign, sir.
156
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,615
All right, we'll
let it go this time.
157
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:04,650
Nice going, Sergeant.
158
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,251
Good to see you on your toes.
159
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,398
May I ask what is going on here?
160
00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:12,224
Commandant, this
man was smoking.
161
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:15,827
Are you out of your mind?
162
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,440
I'll have you
court-martialed for this!
163
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:20,832
But, Colonel Klink, this sign
was posted by your order.
164
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,200
Sign, sign, what sign?
165
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:28,172
Who put up the sign?
166
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,641
Well, I took the liberty.
167
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,221
I anticipated your
order, Colonel.
168
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:32,827
You put up the sign?
169
00:08:32,863 --> 00:08:34,640
Yeah, I mean, what if
somebody lit a match
170
00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:36,208
around that barrel
of nitroglycerin?
171
00:08:36,232 --> 00:08:37,376
There is no nitroglycerin.
172
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,366
Nitro-gelatin. No.
173
00:08:38,401 --> 00:08:40,179
T.N.T. No. Rocket fuel?
174
00:08:40,203 --> 00:08:42,170
No, no, no, no.
175
00:08:42,205 --> 00:08:43,637
This is water.
176
00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:48,209
Okay.
177
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:49,761
But if we all blow up tonight,
178
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,796
I'm never going to
speak to you again.
179
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:56,384
Sergeant, post the guards.
180
00:08:56,419 --> 00:08:58,586
Ja, Colonel.
181
00:09:03,193 --> 00:09:04,993
The driver says it's water.
182
00:09:05,028 --> 00:09:06,460
Schultz says it's water.
183
00:09:06,496 --> 00:09:08,296
Now Klink says it's water.
184
00:09:08,331 --> 00:09:10,476
What do you
think it is, Colonel?
185
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:11,810
With those three
men of integrity,
186
00:09:11,834 --> 00:09:12,901
I know one thing.
187
00:09:12,936 --> 00:09:14,696
What? It ain't water.
188
00:09:23,846 --> 00:09:26,326
Well, Carter, what is it?
189
00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:29,750
Well, it's odorless
and colorless.
190
00:09:31,288 --> 00:09:33,754
You don't need to be
a chemist to know that.
191
00:09:34,857 --> 00:09:35,868
There's only one thing to do.
192
00:09:35,892 --> 00:09:37,770
Someone's going
to have to drink it.
193
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:38,993
Newkirk?
194
00:09:40,030 --> 00:09:41,040
Well, I'd love to, you see,
195
00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:42,574
but I've got nine
brothers and sisters.
196
00:09:42,598 --> 00:09:44,032
They're all dependent on me.
197
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,844
My old man hasn't
worked for years.
198
00:09:45,868 --> 00:09:48,036
And my granny, she's
got the gout, you know.
199
00:09:48,071 --> 00:09:49,537
Here, Scotty, you're a bachelor.
200
00:09:51,474 --> 00:09:53,041
No, thanks. I don't drink.
201
00:09:56,246 --> 00:09:59,480
All right.
202
00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:01,049
We need a volunteer.
203
00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:02,116
Thanks, Carter.
204
00:10:02,152 --> 00:10:03,884
We'll write a very nice letter
205
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:04,920
to your family.
206
00:10:04,955 --> 00:10:06,620
Cheers.
207
00:10:11,394 --> 00:10:12,693
You know what this is?
208
00:10:12,728 --> 00:10:14,295
What?
209
00:10:14,331 --> 00:10:15,296
It's water.
210
00:10:15,332 --> 00:10:17,665
Water, well, that's what
they've been saying.
211
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,833
It couldn't be water!
212
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,235
You're going to get the Nobel...
213
00:10:21,271 --> 00:10:23,671
Hey, Colonel, I got
the sub on the radio.
214
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,473
Okay, Kinch!
215
00:10:26,443 --> 00:10:28,554
This is Goldilocks,
come in Mama Bear,
216
00:10:28,578 --> 00:10:29,858
come in Mama Bear.
217
00:10:31,914 --> 00:10:33,592
We read you, Goldilocks.
218
00:10:33,616 --> 00:10:34,582
Go ahead.
219
00:10:34,617 --> 00:10:37,986
Big Bad Wolf has
hot barrel of water.
220
00:10:38,021 --> 00:10:40,921
Barrel of water?
At your house now?
221
00:10:40,957 --> 00:10:43,992
Roger, on way to Adolf's village
222
00:10:44,027 --> 00:10:45,593
from Viking's village.
223
00:10:45,628 --> 00:10:47,261
Viking's village?
224
00:10:47,297 --> 00:10:48,529
Norway.
225
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,932
That's heavy water
for nuclear experiments.
226
00:10:51,968 --> 00:10:54,335
Destroy Big Bad
Wolf's water at all costs.
227
00:10:54,371 --> 00:10:57,805
Repeat, destroy. Over.
228
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,807
Wilco and out.
229
00:10:59,842 --> 00:11:02,543
I was right.
230
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,657
Outside of Captain Mueller,
231
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:08,727
we're the only ones that
know what's in that truck.
232
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,329
We've got to get
rid of that barrel,
233
00:11:10,353 --> 00:11:12,913
or we're going to be over it.
234
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,708
Good afternoon, Colonel Hogan.
235
00:11:22,732 --> 00:11:23,865
I have to see Klink.
236
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,460
I won't let you in
until you kiss me.
237
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:29,837
The things I have
to do for my country.
238
00:11:33,009 --> 00:11:34,742
Well, here we are again.
239
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,121
She keeps blocking the door.
240
00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:37,289
She's a regular tiger.
241
00:11:37,313 --> 00:11:39,547
Well, he won't take
no for an answer.
242
00:11:39,582 --> 00:11:41,549
Well, what was the question?
243
00:11:41,584 --> 00:11:43,551
I came to see you.
244
00:11:43,586 --> 00:11:45,953
Fraulein Helga, you may go now,
245
00:11:45,989 --> 00:11:48,022
and keep up the good work.
246
00:11:49,258 --> 00:11:50,836
Colonel Hogan, what did
you want to see me about?
247
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,105
Please sit down, sit down.
248
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,229
I came to apologize
about the water.
249
00:11:55,264 --> 00:11:59,166
Ah, that is most
admirable of you, Colonel.
250
00:11:59,201 --> 00:12:02,503
I just couldn't believe the
German High Command
251
00:12:02,539 --> 00:12:04,539
would take the time
to get water from a spa.
252
00:12:04,574 --> 00:12:06,607
A spa!
253
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,343
Come on, you don't have to
play games with me, Colonel.
254
00:12:09,378 --> 00:12:12,547
LeBeau told me all about
that great place in Norway
255
00:12:12,582 --> 00:12:14,281
where the water comes from.
256
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,850
He did?
257
00:12:15,885 --> 00:12:16,918
The French call it
258
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,218
"La Fontaine de la Jeunesse",
259
00:12:18,254 --> 00:12:19,353
the Fountain of Youth.
260
00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:21,589
Yes, of course.
261
00:12:21,624 --> 00:12:24,725
Mm-hmm. Louis XVI
and Marie Antoinette
262
00:12:24,761 --> 00:12:27,394
used to go there
to drink the water.
263
00:12:27,430 --> 00:12:29,296
I don't have to tell
you what happened
264
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,198
to those two crazy
mixed-up kids, huh?
265
00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:34,401
You mean they went to
Norway for that water?
266
00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:37,237
Well, actually, Louis
was losing his hair,
267
00:12:37,273 --> 00:12:39,173
but after drinking the water,
268
00:12:39,208 --> 00:12:41,341
he had to add an extra barber on
269
00:12:41,377 --> 00:12:42,877
at the palace. Mm-hmm.
270
00:12:42,912 --> 00:12:44,211
Yeah.
271
00:12:44,246 --> 00:12:46,191
It's a shame that
stuff's going to Berlin
272
00:12:46,215 --> 00:12:47,492
for Goering and that crowd.
273
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:48,482
The guys at the front
274
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:49,895
never get any of the goodies.
275
00:12:49,919 --> 00:12:52,787
Yes, almost everything
is going to Berlin first.
276
00:12:52,822 --> 00:12:54,232
They get all the liquor,
277
00:12:54,256 --> 00:12:55,890
all the girls, all the food.
278
00:12:55,925 --> 00:13:01,028
And now, all the hair.
279
00:13:01,064 --> 00:13:04,531
Yeah, the job you're doing,
they ought to send you a barrel.
280
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,188
Ah!
281
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:31,391
Sergeant, just checking
on the barrel of water,
282
00:13:31,427 --> 00:13:34,061
to make sure that
everything is secure.
283
00:13:34,097 --> 00:13:35,295
Ja, Herr Colonel.
284
00:13:42,772 --> 00:13:44,052
There he goes.
285
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,158
Colonel Klink.
286
00:14:04,193 --> 00:14:06,244
Yes, Sergeant?
287
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,578
Is everything secure?
288
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,463
Everything is secure.
289
00:14:13,469 --> 00:14:17,038
You are doing an
excellent job, Sergeant.
290
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,406
Thank you, Colonel.
291
00:14:21,210 --> 00:14:23,745
Whoever said you can
lead a horse to water
292
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,525
but you can't make him drink?
293
00:14:25,549 --> 00:14:26,848
Ah, Fraulein Helga,
294
00:14:26,883 --> 00:14:29,083
take some dictation, please.
295
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:34,288
Now, the first letter is going
to Colonel Oscar Pfefferman,
296
00:14:34,323 --> 00:14:36,190
commanding officer of the...
297
00:14:36,225 --> 00:14:37,737
what's the matter,
Fraulein Helga?
298
00:14:37,761 --> 00:14:41,062
Colonel, somehow
you look different today.
299
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:42,263
I do?
300
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:43,698
You look younger.
301
00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:45,399
I do?
302
00:14:45,435 --> 00:14:47,046
And... the way you walk.
303
00:14:47,070 --> 00:14:50,204
You have such a youthful
spring in your step.
304
00:14:50,239 --> 00:14:51,472
You know something?
305
00:14:51,507 --> 00:14:54,208
I am beginning to
feel a lot better today.
306
00:14:54,243 --> 00:14:55,877
What's the matter?
307
00:14:55,912 --> 00:15:00,214
Sir, I think there's
some dandruff.
308
00:15:00,249 --> 00:15:01,482
Dandruff?
309
00:15:01,517 --> 00:15:03,495
Have you been using
some sort of hair tonic?
310
00:15:03,519 --> 00:15:05,019
Hair tonic? No, no.
311
00:15:06,189 --> 00:15:07,154
Come in.
312
00:15:07,190 --> 00:15:08,489
Colonel... Klink?
313
00:15:08,524 --> 00:15:11,859
We will finish that letter
later, Fraulein Helga.
314
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:19,567
Here's the... the
list of our requests
315
00:15:19,603 --> 00:15:22,036
from the Red
Cross for this month.
316
00:15:22,072 --> 00:15:24,305
Thank you.
317
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,307
What's the matter?
318
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,309
I-I don't, I don't know.
319
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,045
Somehow, there's
something different about you.
320
00:15:31,081 --> 00:15:32,257
Different?
321
00:15:32,281 --> 00:15:34,649
Yeah. I can't put
my finger on it.
322
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,852
Maybe my walk is a
little springier, huh?
323
00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:39,520
Yeah, yeah? I don't know.
324
00:15:39,555 --> 00:15:41,055
A little more youthful?
325
00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:45,192
Yeah, yeah, that... that, too.
326
00:15:45,228 --> 00:15:50,064
I had dandruff today.
327
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:52,066
I don't believe it.
328
00:15:52,102 --> 00:15:56,337
You're actually
growing... wait a minute.
329
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,550
Did you get to
that water barrel?
330
00:15:58,574 --> 00:16:00,541
Colonel Hogan, I am a soldier.
331
00:16:00,576 --> 00:16:04,812
If that water goes to
Berlin, it goes to Berlin.
332
00:16:04,848 --> 00:16:06,147
Shame.
333
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,649
A barrel of that stuff,
334
00:16:07,684 --> 00:16:10,184
and you'd be a
bushy-haired kid again.
335
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,497
Ah, good evening, Sergeant.
336
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:24,832
Jawohl, Herr Commandant.
337
00:16:24,868 --> 00:16:26,034
Good evening.
338
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,602
I, uh, want you to give
me a hand with this barrel.
339
00:16:28,638 --> 00:16:29,971
And what are we going to do
340
00:16:30,006 --> 00:16:31,238
with it, Herr Commandant?
341
00:16:31,274 --> 00:16:33,418
We are going to
take it to my office
342
00:16:33,442 --> 00:16:35,487
and then we're
going to replace it
343
00:16:35,511 --> 00:16:37,256
with another barrel of water.
344
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,848
But it is supposed to go to
Berlin, Herr Commandant.
345
00:16:40,884 --> 00:16:42,061
Now, that will be
346
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:44,396
just between you
and me, Sergeant.
347
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:47,055
I don't know. I don't know.
348
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:50,324
Obersergeant.
349
00:16:50,359 --> 00:16:53,661
Obersergeant. Thank you.
350
00:16:53,697 --> 00:16:57,198
Thank you. Herr Commandant.
351
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,734
Schultz, we must be fast.
352
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,169
Yeah.
353
00:17:21,725 --> 00:17:22,690
Schultz.
354
00:17:22,726 --> 00:17:24,726
Take a look at it first.
355
00:17:33,870 --> 00:17:35,837
Did you know that this water
356
00:17:35,872 --> 00:17:37,171
comes from Norway?
357
00:17:37,207 --> 00:17:38,840
The fountain of youth?
358
00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:41,175
No.
359
00:17:41,211 --> 00:17:44,511
Did you notice a
spring in my walk?
360
00:17:44,547 --> 00:17:47,381
A little dandruff
on the shoulder?
361
00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:49,150
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
362
00:17:49,185 --> 00:17:51,719
Of course, Herr Commandant.
363
00:17:51,755 --> 00:17:54,066
Just last night,
I said to my wife
364
00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:55,723
how wonderful you look.
365
00:17:55,759 --> 00:17:57,424
It's the water.
366
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,165
Schultz, have a little drink.
367
00:18:09,272 --> 00:18:12,273
Ah. Ja, I feel it.
368
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:15,476
Oh, it is wunderbar.
369
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:16,677
Have another one.
370
00:18:16,712 --> 00:18:18,512
Sergeant Schultz!
371
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,351
Ah, Captain Mueller.
372
00:18:24,387 --> 00:18:25,419
Colonel Klink.
373
00:18:25,454 --> 00:18:27,021
What were you doing?
374
00:18:27,056 --> 00:18:29,456
Uh... I was just checking up
375
00:18:29,492 --> 00:18:31,492
on our valuable cargo.
376
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,493
Dismissed, Schultz.
377
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,195
Jawohl, Herr Commandant.
378
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:42,703
By the way, I found
out about that water.
379
00:18:42,738 --> 00:18:43,938
You did?
380
00:18:43,973 --> 00:18:45,173
From whom?
381
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,374
Colonel Hogan.
382
00:18:47,410 --> 00:18:48,642
He knows?
383
00:18:48,678 --> 00:18:50,055
The Frenchman told him.
384
00:18:50,079 --> 00:18:52,746
How did the Frenchman find out?
385
00:18:52,782 --> 00:18:56,050
Did you know that
Marie Antoinette
386
00:18:56,085 --> 00:18:59,053
and Louis XVI used
to go to that spa
387
00:18:59,088 --> 00:19:01,333
in Norway for the same water?
388
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:03,257
Oh, it does wonders for you.
389
00:19:03,293 --> 00:19:06,260
Colonel Klink,
390
00:19:06,296 --> 00:19:09,363
somebody is
making a fool of you.
391
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:12,800
What do you mean?
392
00:19:12,836 --> 00:19:17,805
I suppose you must know
now, but this is top secret.
393
00:19:17,841 --> 00:19:23,811
This water is for use
in nuclear experiments.
394
00:19:23,847 --> 00:19:28,415
It is known as heavy water.
395
00:19:28,451 --> 00:19:29,851
I drank some of that water.
396
00:19:32,856 --> 00:19:34,822
Will I die from it?
397
00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:37,191
Only if Berlin finds out.
398
00:19:40,864 --> 00:19:42,407
Boy, what a shame that Captain
399
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,351
caught Klink in
the water barrel.
400
00:19:47,203 --> 00:19:49,170
Well, what do we
do now, Colonel?
401
00:19:49,205 --> 00:19:53,841
That truck leaves tomorrow,
and the barrel can't be on it.
402
00:19:53,877 --> 00:19:55,509
Hey, let's make a hand grenade
403
00:19:55,544 --> 00:19:57,845
and toss it in the
truck from the window.
404
00:19:57,881 --> 00:19:58,846
Good.
405
00:19:58,882 --> 00:20:00,047
Very good, very good.
406
00:20:00,083 --> 00:20:04,185
Then they line us all up
in front of the firing squad.
407
00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:06,298
Hey, how about a
diversionary tactic?
408
00:20:06,322 --> 00:20:08,400
Give us a chance
to grab the barrel.
409
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:09,568
That's good thinking, Kinch,
410
00:20:09,592 --> 00:20:11,403
but just taking the
barrel won't be enough.
411
00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:13,660
We gotta...
412
00:20:13,696 --> 00:20:14,862
I got it.
413
00:20:14,898 --> 00:20:16,075
Carter, get me carpenters.
414
00:20:16,099 --> 00:20:17,676
Newkirk, alert the
arson squad. Right.
415
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:19,345
Kinch, bring me the
cabinetmaker Right.
416
00:20:19,369 --> 00:20:21,280
And Scotty, bring the
petty theft man here.
417
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:22,270
That's me.
418
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:23,271
Well, be here.
419
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:24,772
Colonel, what are we doing?
420
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,287
We're going into the
water-barrel business.
421
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,837
All right, that's enough
water in the barrel.
422
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:41,906
Carter and Newkirk are
almost at Klink's office.
423
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,106
Got exactly one minute.
424
00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:45,108
Stand by with the
barrel, and good luck.
425
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,176
Right.
426
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,864
What is going on?
427
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,678
Fire! Fire!
428
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,012
Fire! Fire!
429
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:12,135
Fire!
430
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:14,538
I smell smoke. Fire! Fire!
431
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:16,318
We'd better get
this truck out of here.
432
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:17,486
We cannot move the truck.
433
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,120
You know what's
going to happen to you
434
00:21:19,144 --> 00:21:21,022
if this truck burns
with that barrel in it?
435
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:22,391
You're right. We'd
better move the truck.
436
00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:23,425
I'll get the truck out of here.
437
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:24,893
Halt! I will drive the truck.
438
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,328
All right, have it your way.
439
00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:28,985
Fire! What is going on here?
440
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,354
Fire! Fire! Fire!
441
00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:33,307
Back up!
442
00:21:33,343 --> 00:21:34,475
Slow! Slow!
443
00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:35,876
All right, cut! Cut! Cut!
444
00:21:35,911 --> 00:21:37,578
A little more.
445
00:21:37,613 --> 00:21:40,097
Back up. Back it up.
446
00:21:48,358 --> 00:21:50,524
Fire! Help, fire! Fire!
447
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,711
Fire! Fire!
448
00:22:02,221 --> 00:22:05,088
Colonel Klink, come
over to the window.
449
00:22:18,904 --> 00:22:20,237
Get a hose!
450
00:22:20,273 --> 00:22:23,140
A fire hose!
451
00:22:27,579 --> 00:22:29,546
Nice of the boys to
dampen you down, sir.
452
00:22:29,581 --> 00:22:30,748
Get a ladder!
453
00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:32,349
There isn't time.
454
00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:33,934
Jump into the blanket.
455
00:22:33,969 --> 00:22:35,736
We'll save you, Colonel.
456
00:22:35,788 --> 00:22:37,288
You won't catch me.
457
00:22:37,323 --> 00:22:40,257
We give you our word
as enemy prisoners.
458
00:22:40,293 --> 00:22:41,458
Get some of my guards!
459
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:42,587
They're all busy, Klink.
460
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:43,577
You better jump.
461
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:44,895
All right. I'll jump,
462
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:46,392
but you better catch me.
463
00:22:46,416 --> 00:22:49,182
Oh, he's not gonna jump.
464
00:22:49,218 --> 00:22:50,684
Oh, come on, Colonel, up.
465
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:51,935
Are you all right, sir?
466
00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:54,171
Never. I should never
have trusted them.
467
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,339
It's your own fault.
468
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:56,774
They gave you two chances.
469
00:22:56,809 --> 00:22:57,974
The truck, is it safe?
470
00:22:58,010 --> 00:22:59,576
Yes, and we have Colonel Hogan
471
00:22:59,612 --> 00:23:00,577
to thank for that.
472
00:23:00,613 --> 00:23:01,578
Colonel Hogan?
473
00:23:01,614 --> 00:23:03,191
Well, I knew that
barrel of water
474
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:05,115
was pretty important
to you fellows.
475
00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:06,517
You may have done a service
476
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,185
to your country, Colonel Hogan.
477
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:11,388
Because of you, the
war may be shortened.
478
00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:13,557
I wouldn't be at
all surprised, sir.
479
00:23:20,098 --> 00:23:22,444
Fraulein Helga,
please file these...
480
00:23:22,468 --> 00:23:24,535
I told her you wanted to see me.
481
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:27,070
But he's always trying
to break into your office.
482
00:23:27,105 --> 00:23:28,883
The use of judo
on a prisoner of war
483
00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:30,552
is against the
Geneva Conference.
484
00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:32,887
Fraulein Helga, you may
let him go. Good work.
485
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:34,077
Thank you.
486
00:23:34,112 --> 00:23:36,432
Colonel Hogan, come in.
487
00:23:44,990 --> 00:23:46,557
Colonel Hogan,
488
00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:47,758
I just want to tell you,
489
00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:49,392
you didn't fool
me for one minute
490
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,994
with that story about the water.
491
00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:52,240
I didn't try to fool you.
492
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:55,032
I deliberately went
along with your little joke
493
00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:58,101
so you would think it was
spring water from Norway.
494
00:23:58,136 --> 00:24:00,136
You mean it wasn't?
495
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:03,607
It was heavy water to be
used for a new type of bomb
496
00:24:03,642 --> 00:24:06,776
that will bring the
Allies to their knees.
497
00:24:06,812 --> 00:24:07,944
You mean...?
498
00:24:07,979 --> 00:24:09,346
You don't rise
499
00:24:09,381 --> 00:24:13,983
to the rank of colonel
because you're easily fooled.
500
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:15,863
If you don't mind, I'd
rather not stand here
501
00:24:15,887 --> 00:24:17,465
while you gloat
about your victories.
502
00:24:17,489 --> 00:24:19,055
Dismissed.
503
00:24:20,892 --> 00:24:24,528
What's the matter?
504
00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:27,564
You know, maybe that
heavy water does grow hair.
34366
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof