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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,873 ( cash register rings ) 2 00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,387 ♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY, STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪ 3 00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,911 ♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪ 4 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,980 ♪ GOING UP... ♪ 5 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,780 ♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES, GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪ 6 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,500 ♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS, ♪ 7 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,369 ♪ UNDERWEAR AND SHOES GOING UP... ♪ 8 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:27,126 GOOD MORNING, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 9 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,994 8:58. 10 00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:31,696 AS DEPARTMENTAL HEAD OF LADIES' READYMADES, 11 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:35,401 I HARDLY THINK IT NECESSARY FOR ME TO CLOCK IN LIKE A CHAR. 12 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,514 ( sighs ) I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO DO ANYTHING 13 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,782 THAT I HAVE NOT DONE MYSELF, MRS. SLOCOMBE. 14 00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:42,607 "CAPTAIN PEACOCK, 8:31." 15 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,043 ( sighs ) 16 00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:45,989 Peacock: WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MISS BRAHMS? 17 00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:49,014 SHE ISN'T LATE, SHE'S POWDERING HER NOSE. 18 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,793 SHE OUGHT TO SIGN IN FIRST. 19 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,952 IT WAS VERY URGENT THAT SHE POWDERED IT WHEN SHE DID. 20 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:56,621 AND I GAVE HER PERMISSION SO TO DO. 21 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:01,927 GOOD MORNING, DAPHNE. 22 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,562 Daphne: MORNING. 23 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,330 MORNING, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 24 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:08,567 8:59 AND 10... 25 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:12,471 10 SECONDS, YES. I WOULD'VE BEEN HERE AT 8:58, 26 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:14,940 BUT I CAUGHT MY HANDBAG IN THE LIFT. 27 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,276 HANDBAG? 28 00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,655 IT'S MISS BRAHMS', ACTUALLY. 29 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,190 SHE LEFT IT ON THE STAIRS. 30 00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:22,459 SHE MUST HAVE BEEN IN RATHER A HURRY. 31 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,894 BESIDES, I WOULDN'T BE SEEN DEAD WITH IMITATION CROCODILE... 32 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:29,054 NOT WITH THESE SHOES, ANYWAY. 33 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:31,234 - GOOD MORNING, MR. GRAINGER. - GOOD MORNING, MR. HUMPHRIES. 34 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,959 MY WORD, WE HAVE GOT NICE ROSY CHEEKS THIS MORNING. 35 00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,638 YES, I WALKED THROUGH THE PARK 36 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:38,408 IN ORDER TO GIVE MY TOAST CRUSTS TO THE DUCKS. 37 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,832 MY WIFE DOESN'T LIKE ME TO LEAVE THEM, BUT... 38 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:42,579 THESE NEW TEETH OF MINE... 39 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,843 THEY'RE A LITTLE TOO MUCH FOR THEM. 40 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:48,707 EVEN THE DUCKS HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THEY GO SOGGY. 41 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:52,877 THEY'LL PROBABLY BE ALL RIGHT WHEN YOU'VE RUN THEM IN A BIT. 42 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,926 THAT WAS A NEAR THING. HAH! 43 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,351 NOT QUITE NEAR ENOUGH, MR. LUCAS. 44 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,520 IT IS ONE MINUTE PAST 9:00. 45 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,989 OH, DEAR, HAVE ALL THE CUSTOMERS GONE? 46 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,691 THAT IS NOT THE POINT, MR. LUCAS. 47 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,961 YOU ARE EXPECTED HERE AT 9:00, NOT ONE MINUTE AFTER. 48 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,041 AH, WELL, CAPTAIN, I WAS HERE. I WAS OUTSIDE 49 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,043 AT FIVE MINUTES TO 9:00. JUST AS I WAS COMING IN, 50 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,379 A MAN WAS CROSSING THE ROAD, AND GOT KNOCKED DOWN. 51 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:17,847 A TALL, MILITARY LOOKING MAN, HE WAS. 52 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,849 "OH, DEARY ME," I THOUGHT. "IT'S CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 53 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:23,286 HE WAS EARLY LIKE ME, AND GOT KNOCKED DOWN CROSSING THE ROAD." 54 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,122 MY HEART WAS IN MY MOUTH, SIR. 55 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,990 I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "NOT CAPTAIN PEACOCK, 56 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,126 NOT STRUCK DOWN AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS CAREER." 57 00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:32,790 "STAND BACK," I SAID. "I'LL GIVE MY BLOOD FOR CAPTAIN PEACOCK." 58 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:35,232 ANYWAY, BY THE TIME I FOUGHT MY WAY THROUGH THE CROWD, 59 00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:37,467 FOUND OUT IT WASN'T YOU BUT SOME DIRTY OLD TRAMP, 60 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,192 AND THEN GOT BACK HERE, IT WAS ONE MINUTE AFTER. 61 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,161 - OOH, JUST A MINUTE, SIR. - WHAT IS IT? 62 00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,669 A SMALL INSECT HAS CREPT OUT OF YOUR CARNATION 63 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,309 AND CROUCHED ON YOUR COLLAR. 64 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:49,868 - DEAL WITH IT, LUCAS. - CERTAINLY, SIR. 65 00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:53,138 THERE YOU ARE. IT'S DEAD. 66 00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:59,711 WAS THERE ANYTHING ELSE, SIR? 67 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:02,881 YES. GET ME A 15 1/2 COLLAR FROM STOCK, 68 00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:05,116 AND THEN PRESENT YOURSELF TO MR. RUMBOLD'S OFFICE 69 00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,685 AT 9:15 WITH YOUR SALES BOOK. 70 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,753 YES, SIR. CERTAINLY, SIR. 71 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,568 SORRY I'M LATE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 72 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,626 - THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MISS BRAHMS. - IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR HER? 73 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,096 - SHE HAS BEEN POWDERING HER NOSE. - WHY IS IT SO SHINY THEN? 74 00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,468 TO YOUR COUNTER, MR. LUCAS. 75 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,781 SIR. ( heel clicks ) 76 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,645 - TAKE YOUR COAT. - ( heel clicks ) 77 00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,609 DID YOU HAVE A NICE LITTLE CHAT? 78 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:33,978 HE SAID I'VE GOT TO REPORT TO RUMBOLD AT 9:15 WITH MY SALES BOOK. 79 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,214 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 80 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,993 IN THE TERMS OF THE ALMIGHTY'S 81 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:39,696 GRAND PLAN FOR THE UNIVERSE, VERY LITTLE. 82 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,498 BUT AS FAR AS YOU'RE CONCERNED, 83 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,923 IT PROBABLY MEANS YOU'LL BE AT THE LABOR EXCHANGE AT HALF PAST 9:00. 84 00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,403 I WAS STRUGGLING WITH THIS 85 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,970 FOR 10 MINUTES YESTERDAY... 86 00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:49,706 AND IN FRONT OF A CUSTOMER, TOO. 87 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,162 MINE'S JUST AS BAD. 88 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,565 IT'S THIS DAMP WEATHER. IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME. 89 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,000 I'D BETTER GIVE IT A BIT OF ENCOURAGEMENT. 90 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,148 ARE THEY ALL THERE, DO YOU THINK? 91 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,806 THEY SHOULD BE, MR. RUMBOLD. IT'S NEARLY FIVE PAST 9:00. 92 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,275 RIGHT, I'LL GO AND HAVE A WORD. 93 00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,458 IS CAPTAIN PEACOCK THERE? 94 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,860 HE'S JUST ARRIVED, SIR. HE'S JUST PUTTING HIS COLLAR ON. 95 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:11,884 WHAT? 96 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,355 WE EXPECT YOU TO GET DRESSED 97 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,168 BEFORE YOU ARRIVE AT GRACE BROTHERS, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 98 00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:23,061 I DO NOT EXPECT TO FIND YOU UNATTIRED AT FIVE PAST 9:00. 99 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:26,398 - I CAN EXPLAIN, SIR. - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY EXCUSES. 100 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,578 I WANT A WORD WITH THE MEMBERS OF YOUR DEPARTMENT. 101 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,282 OF COURSE, OF COURSE. 102 00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:33,283 MR. GRAINGER, WOULD YOU STEP THIS WAY, PLEASE, IF YOU'RE FREE? 103 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:36,141 YES, I'M... I'M FREE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 104 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,376 MR. HUMPHRIES, MR. LUCAS? 105 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,688 FREE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 106 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,223 OH, VERY FREE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 107 00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,713 STEP THIS WAY. 108 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,483 MRS. SLOCOMBE, MISS BRAHMS, ONE MOMENT, PLEASE. 109 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,719 MISS BRAHMS? 110 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,866 BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, MR. RUMBOLD. 111 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,834 MISS BRAHMS AND I WOULD LIKE TO COMPLAIN 112 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,558 ABOUT THE STATE OF OUR DRAWERS. 113 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,861 THEY'RE... THEY'RE A POSITIVE DISGRACE. 114 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,298 YOUR WHAT, MRS. SLOCOMBE? 115 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,177 OUR DRAWERS. THEY'RE STICKING. 116 00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:05,069 - IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME IN DAMP WEATHER. - REALLY? 117 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,285 MISS BRAHMS COULD HARDLY SHIFT HERS AT ALL JUST NOW. 118 00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:10,909 NO WONDER SHE WAS LATE. 119 00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:15,213 THEY SENT UP A MAN WHO PUT BEESWAX ON THEM, 120 00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,349 BUT THAT MADE THEM WORSE. 121 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:18,628 I'M NOT SURPRISED. 122 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,819 I THINK THEY NEED SANDPAPERING. 123 00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,121 WOULD THAT HELP, DO YOU THINK, PEACOCK? 124 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:26,658 I PUFF FRENCH CHALK ON MINE, 125 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,728 AND THEY'RE AS SMOOTH AS SILK. 126 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,776 PERHAPS YOU COULD PUFF SOME FRENCH CHALK OVER MRS. SLOCOMBE'S. 127 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,346 WOULD THAT SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM, MRS. SLOCOMBE? 128 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,569 THEY OUGHT TO BE CHANGED. 129 00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,571 I'VE HAD THEM EVER SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE. 130 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:43,875 PERHAPS WE COULD LOOK INTO IT SOME OTHER TIME, MRS. SLOCOMBE. 131 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,210 MR. RUMBOLD HAS MATTERS 132 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,713 OF A MUCH MORE PRESSING NATURE TO DISCUSS. 133 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,882 THEY'RE VERY PRESSING AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED. 134 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:54,185 PERHAPS MR. RUMBOLD WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A GO AND SEE HOW FAR HE GETS. 135 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,666 I THINK WE SHOULD CONSIDER THE MATTER CLOSED 136 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,167 FOR THE MOMENT, MRS. SLOCOMBE. 137 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,992 AHEM. I HAVE BEEN DEEPLY DISTRESSED 138 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,862 TO LEARN OF THE SLUMP IN OUR SALES OVER THE PAST FOUR WEEKS, 139 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,497 WHICH I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL OBSERVED? 140 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:08,166 YES, I HAVE OBSERVED IT. HAVEN'T YOU, MR. GRAINGER? 141 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,179 OOH, A VERY DEFINITE SLUMP I WOULD SAY. 142 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,781 HAD YOU OBSERVED IT, MR. HUMPHRIES? 143 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,316 I'VE OBSERVED IT, MR. GRAINGER. 144 00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,460 YOU OBSERVED IT, TOO, DIDN'T YOU, MR. LUCAS? 145 00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:16,853 OH, YES, DEFINITELY. 146 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,988 I HAD OBSERVED IT, MR. HUMPHRIES. OH, YES. 147 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,725 IF YOU REMEMBER RIGHTLY, I MENTIONED IT TO YOU LAST TUESDAY. 148 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,449 YES. AND I MENTIONED IT TO YOU, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 149 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,084 THAT'S RIGHT. 150 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:28,352 THAT'S WHAT CAUSED ME TO DISCUSS IT WITH YOU, SIR. 151 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:32,323 I THINK THAT'S WHAT FIRST ALERTED ME TO THE CRISIS 152 00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:34,926 IN THE FIRST PLACE. NOW, THE THING IS... 153 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,296 I DON'T WANT TO PUT TOO FINE A POINT UPON IT... WHY? 154 00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,699 AH... 155 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,167 HAVE YOU ANY THEORIES TO ADVANCE, MR. GRAINGER? 156 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,871 AFTER ALL, YOU'VE BEEN WITH US LONGER THAN MOST. 157 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:50,174 FROM A VERY CONSIDERABLE EXPERIENCE IN THE TRADE... 158 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,089 I WOULD SAY THAT THESE THINGS COME AND GO. 159 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,791 THAT'S VERY TRUE, OF COURSE. 160 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,180 AND VERY PROFOUND. 161 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,994 WHAT ABOUT YOU, MR. HUMPHRIES? 162 00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:01,152 AS DEPARTMENTAL HEAD OF THE LADIES' SECTION, 163 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,121 I THINK I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ASKED NEXT. 164 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,067 OF COURSE, MRS. SLOCOMBE, I'M SORRY. 165 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,168 HAVE YOU ANY SUGGESTIONS? 166 00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,192 NO. 167 00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,561 THANK YOU. 168 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,596 BUT I DO LIKE TO BE ASKED. 169 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:15,233 - I THINK IT'S THE WEATHER, DON'T YOU, MR. LUCAS? - YES, THAT'S IT. 170 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,614 YES, IT'S DEFINITELY... IT'S THE WEATHER, YES. 171 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,038 THAT, PLUS THE FACT WE'VE HAD NO CUSTOMERS. 172 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:24,876 THE POINTS YOU'VE ALL RAISED ARE VERY VALID, 173 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,179 BUT I THINK THE TIME HAS COME FOR ACTION. 174 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,715 - HEAR, HEAR. - THANK YOU. YES. 175 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,451 I THEREFORE THINK IT WOULD PAY US 176 00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,286 TO EXAMINE OUR WHOLE CUSTOMER HANDLING TECHNIQUE. 177 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:39,190 AND, TO THAT END, I SHALL BE HOLDING A COURSE IN SALESMANSHIP... 178 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:42,360 A CLASS IN SALESMANSHIP... THIS EVENING AFTER THE STORE CLOSES. 179 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,140 YOU MEAN IN OUR OWN TIME? 180 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:48,467 IT'S VERY SHORT NOTICE. THERE'S MY PUSSY TO CONSIDER. 181 00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:51,803 - I BEG YOUR PARDON? - WHO'S GOING TO LET IT OUT? 182 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:55,340 IF IT'S NOT CONVENIENT, I SHALL, OF COURSE, UNDERSTAND, 183 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:58,376 BUT I WOULD REMIND YOU ALL THAT UNLESS SALES IMPROVE, 184 00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,912 WE SHALL HAVE TO CUT DOWN ON OUR STAFF. 185 00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:05,350 OH, IT'S CONVENIENT. 186 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,652 I SUPPOSE IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 187 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:10,689 "TIDDLES" WILL HAVE TO CROSS HIS LEGS. 188 00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,592 I PRESUME YOU WILL NOT BE NEEDING ME, SIR. 189 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,895 I HAVE TWO TICKETS FOR THE TIDWORTH TATTOO. 190 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:20,198 YOUR ATTENDANCE WOULD BE VALUABLE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 191 00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:22,767 IT'S TA-TA TO THE TATTOO. 192 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,536 I THINK THAT'S ALL FOR THE MOMENT. 193 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:27,283 OH, MR. LUCAS, PERHAPS YOU WOULD COME TO MY OFFICE NOW? 194 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,719 I WANT TO GO OVER YOUR PERSONAL SALES RECORD 195 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:30,820 FOR THE PAST MONTH. 196 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,989 BRING YOUR BOOK WITH YOU, HMM? 197 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,445 YES, SIR. 198 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,916 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT YOUR BOOK FOR. 199 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,118 I WOULD'VE THOUGHT YOU'D REMEMBER YOUR SALES... 200 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,254 - ALL THREE OF THEM. HAH. - OH, CHARMING. 201 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,767 ♪ HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO ♪ 202 00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:47,826 ♪ IT'S OUT OF WORK WE GO.. ♪ 203 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:48,994 HONESTLY, IT'S THE LIMIT. 204 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,062 THEY DON'T CONSIDER YOUR PRIVATE LIFE AT ALL. 205 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:54,365 - DID YOU HAVE A DATE? - NO, BUT I MIGHT HAVE HAD. 206 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,267 I SUPPOSE I OUGHT TO PHONE MRS. GRAINGER 207 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,937 AND TELL HER TO KEEP THE PIE WARM IN THE OVEN. 208 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,718 YES, TELL HER TO TURN THE REGULO DOWN TO A QUARTER. 209 00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,052 IF SHE HARDENS THAT CRUST, 210 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,388 IT'LL PLAY HAVOC WITH YOUR GUMS. 211 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,945 ( bell ringing ) 212 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,691 RIGHT, POSITIONS, EVERYBODY. 213 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,683 THE MEETING'S OVER. COME ALONG. 214 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,084 ( knock on door ) 215 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,473 COME IN, MR. LUCAS. 216 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:19,791 ER... 217 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:30,802 I BELIEVE YOU WANTED TO HAVE A LITTLE CHAT WITH ME, SIR? 218 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,038 - SHUT THE DOOR, PLEASE. - YES, SIR. 219 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:36,808 NOW, LUCAS, I HAVE HERE YOUR PERSONAL SALES GRAPH. 220 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:39,678 I PRESUME YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? 221 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,382 ARE YOU SURE IT'S THE RIGHT WAY UP, SIR? 222 00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,185 I'M AFRAID SO. 223 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,588 I PRESUME YOU UNDERSTAND IT? 224 00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:52,523 IF I WAS A DOCTOR, THE PATIENT WOULD BE DEAD. 225 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,326 THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR LEVITY. 226 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,529 - IT'S NERVES, SIR. - UNDERSTANDABLE. 227 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:01,759 NONETHELESS, THIS IS A VERY POOR PERFORMANCE. 228 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,910 I ALWAYS THINK THAT THERE IS A REASON 229 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:14,545 FOR A POOR PERFORMANCE. 230 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:17,782 A HAPPY SALESMAN IS A GOOD SALESMAN. 231 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:22,220 YOU DON'T LOOK HAPPY, MR. LUCAS. 232 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,523 I THINK IF YOU COULD SMILE MORE, IT WOULD HELP. 233 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:29,327 I'M SORRY IF I HAVEN'T BEEN SMILING ENOUGH, MR. RUMBOLD. 234 00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,663 BUT THERE MUST BE A REASON. ARE YOU... 235 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:36,701 I DON'T WISH TO PRY... BUT ARE YOU... UNHAPPY AT HOME? 236 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:41,139 AH... YES. 237 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,341 THAT COULD VERY WELL BE IT, YES. 238 00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:46,778 NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. SIT DOWN AND TELL ME ABOUT IT. 239 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,913 THANK YOU. YES, SIR. 240 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,531 IT'S MY ENVIRONMENT, YOU SEE, SIR. 241 00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:58,389 I'VE ONLY GOT THIS ONE SHABBY LITTLE ROOM. 242 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:02,727 - IN HIGHGATE, ISN'T IT? - YES, VERY POOR PART OF HIGHGATE, THOUGH. 243 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:06,430 EVER SINCE WE TOOK IN THAT ASIAN TO HELP MAKE ENDS MEET, WELL... 244 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,567 THE STRAIN HAS BEEN TOO MUCH FOR MY CRIPPLED MOTHER, 245 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:14,338 AND... SHE'S HAD TO GIVE UP HER JOB AT THE SKATING RINK. 246 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,252 TAKING... TAKING THE TICKETS. 247 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,643 I HAD NO IDEA. 248 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,078 YES. 249 00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:25,050 WELL... ( sobbing ) 250 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,386 WHAT WITH THAT AND THE FACT THAT THE... 251 00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:31,454 THE CAT'S GOT ASTHMA AND HAS BEEN COUGHING ALL NIGHT... 252 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:36,227 WHAT WITH ALL THAT AND ALSO THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO... 253 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,763 WE HAVE TO COOK ON A BROKEN OLD GAS RING... 254 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:42,000 THERE ARE DAYS WHEN SOMEHOW LIFE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST ITS MAGIC. 255 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:47,872 PARTICULARLY SINCE WE HAD AN EVICTION ORDER THIS MORNING. 256 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,752 BUT, AS YOU SUGGEST, MR. RUMBOLD, 257 00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:53,044 I WILL DO MY BEST AND TRY AND SMILE A BIT MORE. 258 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:55,980 ( blows loudly ) 259 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,583 THIS REALLY IS A MOST TERRIBLE STORY. 260 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,019 - IS IT? - YES. 261 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:04,488 I... I FEEL IT SHOULD BE ENTERED INTO YOUR RECORD. 262 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,191 AH, YES. 263 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:09,560 NOW, LET ME SEE, YOU LIVE IN CRIPPLEGATE... 264 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,862 HIGHGATE. 265 00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:11,931 HIGHGATE. 266 00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,665 AND YOUR MOTHER IS AN ASIAN. 267 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,478 NO, NO, WE TOOK IN AN ASIAN. 268 00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,469 YOUR MOTHER HAS A COUGH. 269 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,705 NO, NO. THE CAT'S GOT THE COUGH. 270 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:26,410 AND YOU'RE SUPPORTING THIS ASIAN ON A BROKEN GAS RING. 271 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:28,412 SHALL I WRITE IT DOWN FOR YOU? 272 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,583 IF THE ELASTIC GOES AGAIN, 273 00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:35,120 WE'LL RETURN THEM TO THE MANUFACTURERS. 274 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,921 GOOD MORNING, MADAM. 275 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,457 GOOD MORNING, MADAM. 276 00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:41,403 - GOOD MORNING. - GOOD MORNING. 277 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:45,063 MRS. SLOCOMBE, I HOPE YOUR CAT WON'T SUFFER UNDULY 278 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:46,809 FROM ITS ENFORCED CONFINEMENT. 279 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:49,134 OH, IT'S NOT CONFINED. 280 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,002 IT'S SHUT UP. 281 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,336 AH. 282 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:54,973 LET'S HOPE THAT YOU WON'T BE TOO LATE. 283 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,909 AND TOO BAD ABOUT YOUR TATTOO, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 284 00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,790 I ALWAYS THOUGHT TATTOOS WERE THINGS YOU DID ON MEN'S CHESTS 285 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,458 WITH NEEDLES AND BLUE INK. 286 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,784 NOT ONLY ON MEN'S CHESTS, MISS BRAHMS. 287 00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:09,120 CAPTAIN PEACOCK, WHAT WILL YOU SAY NEXT? 288 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,332 ( chuckles ) 289 00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:13,424 AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT REMINDS ME 290 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,127 OF A BIT OF DOGGEREL I PICKED UP IN THE MESS. 291 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,630 OH, YES? 292 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:23,835 "ON THE CHEST OF A BARMAID FROM SALE 293 00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,637 WAS TATTOOED ALL THE PRICES OF ALE. 294 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:28,606 WHILST ON HER BEHIND, 295 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,352 FOR THE SAKE OF THE BLIND, 296 00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,777 WAS PRECISELY THE SAME, BUT IN BRAILLE." 297 00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,721 WILL THAT BE ALL, CAPTAIN PEACOCK? 298 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:49,027 I DO HOPE YOUR HUSBAND LIKES THE SWEATER, MADAM. 299 00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:51,362 THE WASHING INSTRUCTIONS ARE VERY SIMPLE... 300 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:55,066 USE LUKEWARM WATER. NO SOAP, NO DETERGENT, 301 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,601 AND DON'T PUT IT IN THE WASHING MACHINE. 302 00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:01,906 AND DON'T DRY IT IN THE SUN OR IN FRONT OF AN OPEN FIRE. 303 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,886 OH, AND, MADAM, IF I WERE YOU, 304 00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:06,610 HALF REVS ON THE SPIN DRYER. 305 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,794 OOH, YOU'RE BACK QUICK. 306 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,964 I WAS GOING TO START A COLLECTION FOR YOUR LEAVING PRESENT. 307 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,188 I TALKED MYSELF OUT OF IT. I'M STAYIN' ON. 308 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,902 DID YOU TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR GRANDFATHER IN THE IRON LUNG, 309 00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:22,038 AND HOW YOU CAN'T AFFORD A SHILLING FOR THE METER? 310 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,562 NO, I GAVE HIM THE CRIPPLED MOTHER 311 00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,408 WITH THE ASIAN AND THE ASTHMATIC CAT. 312 00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:29,367 YOU USED A LOT OF MATERIAL THERE. 313 00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:31,002 WHAT DID HE SAY? 314 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,804 HE SAID I SHOULD TRY AND SMILE A BIT MORE. 315 00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,775 IS THAT IT? 316 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:40,556 TAKE THAT SILLY GRIN OFF YOUR FACE, MR. LUCAS. 317 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,780 IT'S VERY BAD FOR TRADE. 318 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,230 YOU JUST CAN'T WIN, CAN YOU? 319 00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,198 TAKE NO NOTICE OF HIM. HE'S JEALOUS. 320 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,056 IF HE TRIED IT, THEY'D DROP ON THE FLOOR. 321 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,926 NO TALKING, LUCAS. THERE'S A CUSTOMER. 322 00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:57,473 A CUSTOMER? WE'D BETTER HAVE A TWO-MINUTE SILENCE. 323 00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,630 DON'T BE FACETIOUS, MR. LUCAS. 324 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,266 YOUR FUTURE WITH THIS FIRM 325 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,945 IS STILL VERY MUCH IN THE BALANCE, YOU KNOW. 326 00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,269 MR. GRAINGER, ARE YOU FREE? 327 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:08,472 OH, YES, YES, I'M FREE... YOURS. 328 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:09,473 I BEG YOUR PARDON? 329 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:10,909 SHOP! 330 00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:13,344 OH. 331 00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:19,384 ARE YOU BEING SERVED, SIR? 332 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,619 NO, AND I'D LIKE TO SEE THE ASSISTANT 333 00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:23,288 WHO SERVED ME LAST TUESDAY. 334 00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,935 OH, YES. THAT WOULD BE OUR MR. HUMPHRIES, I THINK. 335 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,669 MR. HUMPHRIES, ARE YOU FREE? 336 00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,328 YES, I'M FREE, MR. GRAINGER. 337 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,978 GOOD MORNING, SIR. CAN I HELP YOU? 338 00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,469 NO, IT WASN'T YOU I WANTED. 339 00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,104 HE WAS YOUNGER AND GOOD-LOOKING. 340 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,806 OH. 341 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,685 IT HAD TO HAPPEN EVENTUALLY. 342 00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:47,245 WELL, THEN, IT MUST BE OUR MR. LUCAS. 343 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,058 ARE YOU FREE, MR. LUCAS? 344 00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,382 OH, AS FREE AS AIR, MR. GRAINGER. 345 00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,618 YES, THAT'S THE ONE I WANT. 346 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:56,732 THERE'S NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE. 347 00:15:56,756 --> 00:16:00,325 WELL, I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH OUR MR. LUCAS. 348 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,793 YES, I REMEMBER YOU, SIR. YOU'RE THE GENTLEMAN 349 00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:05,707 I SOLD THE GLEN CHECK WITH THE TWO VENTS TO LAST TUESDAY! 350 00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,065 THAT'S RIGHT. 351 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,867 AND YOU SAID IF I DECIDED I DIDN'T LIKE IT, 352 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,270 I COULD BRING IT BACK, AND YOU'D REFUND MY MONEY. 353 00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,575 DID I SAY THAT? 354 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,044 YES, AND I DON'T LIKE IT. 355 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,981 WELL, YOU DID LIKE IT! 356 00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,616 WELL, IT'S MY WIFE THAT DOESN'T LIKE IT. 357 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,386 GLEN CHECKS TAKE A BIT OF GETTING USED TO. 358 00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:29,988 I DON'T WANT TO GET USED TO IT. 359 00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:31,655 I JUST WANT MY MONEY BACK. 360 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,992 IF I MAY INTERRUPT FOR A MOMENT, SIR. 361 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:37,695 WE ARE, OF COURSE, WILLING TO ACCEPT THE RETURN OF YOUR GARMENT. 362 00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:41,366 BUT IT IS NOT OUR POLICY TO REFUND. 363 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,246 WE CAN, HOWEVER, GIVE YOU A CREDIT NOTE FOR THAT AMOUNT. 364 00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:45,870 BUT HE SAID IF I DIDN'T LIKE IT, 365 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,671 I COULD HAVE MY MONEY BACK. 366 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,874 DID YOU SAY THAT? 367 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,444 I... I... I MIGHT HAVE DONE. 368 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,079 "MIGHT"? 369 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,581 IN A SUDDEN RUSH OF ENTHUSIASM, 370 00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,950 I MIGHT HAVE GIVEN THAT IMPRESSION. 371 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,320 MR. LUCAS, DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT SAY 372 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:05,156 THE CUSTOMER COULD HAVE HIS MONEY BACK? I MUST HAVE AN ANSWER. 373 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,459 HOW WOULD A LOOSE "YES" DO? 374 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,962 IN THE LIGHT OF MR. LUCAS' CONFESSION, SIR, 375 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:15,333 WE HAVE NO ALTERNATIVE BUT TO RETURN YOUR MONEY. 376 00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,935 LUCAS, THE TILL. 377 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,085 THINGS SEEM TO BE IMPROVING FOR YOU, MR. LUCAS. 378 00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:24,820 HOW MUCH AM I TO RING UP? 379 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:28,679 - RING DOWN £20 AND 50 PENCE. - RING DOWN? 380 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:31,148 GLASS OF WATER, MR. GRAINGER? 381 00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:35,586 WHAT A LOAD OF OLD CODSWALLOP THIS IS. 382 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,936 - WHY, ARE YOU GOING OUT TONIGHT? - NO. 383 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,904 HOW ABOUT COMING OUT TO THE PICTURES WITH ME, THEN? 384 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:44,240 - WHAT'S ON? - THERE'S "BAMBI" AT STUDIO 2, 385 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:47,144 THEN ROUND THE CORNER, THERE'S "THE UNSATISFIED VIRGIN." 386 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,669 I'VE SEEN "BAMBI." 387 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,939 YOU CAN FORGET THAT. BY THE TIME RUMBOLD'S FINISHED RABBITING ON, 388 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:58,242 THE VIRGIN WILL HAVE BEEN SATISFIED, AND THEY'LL HAVE GONE HOME. 389 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,412 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. YOU PRETEND TO FAINT, 390 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,047 AND I'LL CARRY YOU OUT. 391 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,094 I CAN'T FAINT WITHOUT AN EXCUSE. 392 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,750 TELL THEM YOU'RE HAVING A BABY. 393 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,997 WHAT A PITY YOUR EAR HOLES AREN'T A BIT BIGGER. 394 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,689 - WHY? - THEN YOU COULD SHOVE A TOOTHBRUSH IN THEM 395 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,192 AND CLEAN OUT THAT FILTHY MIND OF YOURS. 396 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,726 LOOK OUT. HERE COMES RUMBOLD. 397 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,496 IS EVERYBODY HERE? 398 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,405 OH, JUST COMING, MR. RUMBOLD. 399 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,601 I WAS PUTTING MY EVENING FACE ON. 400 00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:26,937 AND IT'S EVEN LOVELIER THAN THE MORNING ONE, MRS. SLOCOMBE. 401 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:29,140 OH, THANK YOU, MR. LUCAS. 402 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,187 I'VE DELEGATED MR. HUMPHRIES 403 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,988 TO GET SOME REFRESHMENTS FROM THE CANTEEN, SIR. 404 00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,345 HOT COCOA AND BUNS. 405 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,459 HOT COCOA, MISS BRAHMS. DID YOU HEAR THAT? 406 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:37,993 HOT COCOA AND BUNS. 407 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,928 IT MAKES THE WHOLE THING WORTHWHILE. 408 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:43,554 OF COURSE, THERE'LL BE A COLLECTION FOR IT. 409 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,824 I THINK MANAGEMENT WOULD ALLOW THAT OUT OF THE PETTY CASH. 410 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:48,737 OH, THAT'S MOST GENEROUS, MR. RUMBOLD. 411 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,474 YES, GRACE BROTHERS KNOW HOW TO LOOK AFTER THEIR WORKERS. 412 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:52,908 OH, WELL, WE DO OUR BEST. 413 00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:56,367 A SATISFIED TEAM IS AN EFFICIENT TEAM. 414 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,003 AND A SATISFIED VIRGIN IS A VIRGIN NO LONGER. 415 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,274 DINNER IS SERVED. 416 00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:08,624 WHERE SHALL I PUT IT? 417 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,768 PERHAPS YOU CAN SET IT ON THE TABLE. 418 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,318 RIGHT. NOW, THEN. 419 00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,731 OH, OH, WHERE'S MR. GRAINGER? 420 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,655 HE WAS HERE A SHORT TIME AGO, SIR, 421 00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,290 TAKING STOCK OF HIS SHIRTS. 422 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,991 SEE IF YOU CAN FIND HIM, MR. LUCAS. 423 00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,738 OH, YES, CERTAINLY, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 424 00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:25,574 HE'S PROBABLY PUTTING HIS EVENING SET OF TEETH IN. 425 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:26,697 MR. GRAINGER? 426 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,999 MR. GRAINGER? MISTER...? 427 00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:31,068 ( gasping ) 428 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,313 I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS, SIR. 429 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:39,810 I THINK MR. GRAINGER'S DIED AT HIS POST. 430 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:43,439 UNLESS I'M TERRIBLY MISTAKEN, HE'S GONE DOWN WITH HIS SHIRTS. 431 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,417 DON'T BE WITTY, MR. LUCAS. 432 00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,587 AFTER THIS MORNING'S INCIDENT, YOUR CONTINUED EMPLOYMENT 433 00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:52,423 WITH GRACE BROTHERS IS A MATTER FOR GRAVE DOUBT. 434 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,925 ( snoring ) 435 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:57,914 POOR OLD SOUL. HE'S BEEN ON HIS FEET ALL DAY. 436 00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:00,809 HE PROBABLY GOES TO SLEEP ABOUT THIS TIME ON THE TRAIN. 437 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,032 MR. GRAINGER? 438 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,134 - Rumbold: MR. GRAINGER? - MR. GRAINGER? 439 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,770 MISS BRAHMS. MR. GRAINGER? 440 00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,739 BALDY? 441 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:14,011 ONE HESITATES TO LAY HANDS ON HIM, STILL... 442 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,924 NO, I WOULDN'T IF I WERE YOU, MR. RUMBOLD. 443 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,960 NO, JUST THINK OF IT... SUDDEN SHOCK, HEART ATTACK, KICKS THE BUCKET. 444 00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:20,251 NEWS OF THE WORLD... 445 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,453 "AGED WORKER DIES AT HANDS OF OVERSEER." 446 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:24,533 THAT WOULDN'T LOOK GOOD FOR GRACE BROTHERS. 447 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,768 CAPTAIN PEACOCK, I THINK I KNOW WHAT TO DO. 448 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:29,059 AHEM... ARE YOU FREE, MR. GRAINGER? 449 00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:31,128 YES, I'M FREE, MR. HUMPHRIES. 450 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,144 - GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR. - GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. GRAINGER. 451 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,746 I THINK WE'RE READY FOR YOU NOW. 452 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,715 OH, I'M READY, I GUESS. 453 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,673 NOW, IF YOU'LL ALL TAKE YOUR PLACES. 454 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,710 THANK YOU, CAPTAIN. 455 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:47,878 NOW THEN... 456 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:51,048 THE FIRST QUESTION WE HAVE TO DECIDE ON IS: 457 00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,784 DO WE TAKE OUR COCOA AND BUNS NOW, 458 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,893 OR DO WE WAIT UNTIL WE'VE BEEN GOING FOR AN HOUR OR TWO? 459 00:20:58,224 --> 00:20:59,635 PERHAPS WE SHOULD ASK THE LADIES. 460 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:03,527 MRS. SLOCOMBE, DO YOU FEEL LIKE HAVING COCOA AND BUNS NOW? 461 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,964 I NEVER FEEL LIKE HAVING COCOA AND BUNS. 462 00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:09,177 IF I'D KNOWN THE FIRM WAS GOING TO BE SO STINGY, 463 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:12,436 I'D HAVE GONE OUT AND HAD A WIMPY CHEESEBURGER. 464 00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:15,139 I BELIEVE THERE'S SOME CHEESE IN THE BUNS. 465 00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:17,275 I DON'T LIKE CHEESE. 466 00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:20,444 THERE'S NOT VERY MUCH CHEESE IN THE BUNS. 467 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,481 WELL, I FEEL I SHOULD MENTION 468 00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:26,595 YOUNG MR. GRACE MAY BE COMING THROUGH DURING OUR CONFERENCE, 469 00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:30,788 SO PERHAPS IT WOULD BE AS WELL TO EAT NOW AND GET TO THE... 470 00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:33,223 GET THE BANQUET OVER AND DONE WITH, YES. 471 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:36,126 I SECOND THAT. AND LET'S NOT BOTHER ABOUT SENIORITY, 472 00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:38,663 - LET'S JUST DIVE IN, EH? - GOOD IDEA. 473 00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:40,809 WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MOTHER, MRS. SLOCOMBE? 474 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:42,678 SEEING AS I'M NOT HAVING ANY, 475 00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:45,703 I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD BE LUMBERED POURING IT OUT. 476 00:21:45,772 --> 00:21:48,350 PERHAPS YOU'D DO THE HONORS, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 477 00:21:48,374 --> 00:21:49,707 ( mouth full ) CERTAINLY. 478 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,948 IS THERE A SOFTER ONE? THIS IS VERY HARD. 479 00:21:58,017 --> 00:22:00,217 I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND YOU A SOFTER ONE. 480 00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:01,352 WAIT A MINUTE. 481 00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:03,354 DO YOU MIND?! 482 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:07,803 THOSE THAT YOU HAVEN'T SQUEEZED AROUND, 483 00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,494 HE'S HAD HIS CHOPS AROUND. 484 00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,396 IT PUTS ME OFF. 485 00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:14,376 AREN'T YOU GOING TO HAVE ONE, MR. RUMBOLD? 486 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,234 NO, I DON'T THINK I WANT ONE, THANK YOU. 487 00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:19,870 ANYONE ELSE FOR A HALF-EATEN CHEESE ROLL? 488 00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:21,839 NO, THANK YOU. 489 00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:23,974 ANYONE FOR THE CHEESE INSIDE, THEN? 490 00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:26,477 HARDLY USED. ONE CAREFUL OWNER. 491 00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:28,245 ANYONE NOT WANT COCOA? 492 00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:30,314 YES, BUT I'LL HAVE SOME JUST THE SAME. 493 00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:32,916 OH, THAT'S LOVELY. 494 00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,964 THAT ARMY TRAINING CERTAINLY CAME IN USEFUL, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 495 00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:38,200 SHALL WE GET DOWN TO THE PURPOSE 496 00:22:38,224 --> 00:22:40,101 FOR WHICH WE ARE COME TOGETHER? 497 00:22:40,125 --> 00:22:42,738 I WAS WONDERING WHEN WE WERE GOING TO GET ROUND TO THAT. 498 00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:44,206 NOW, THEN... AHEM... 499 00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:45,974 I THINK IT WOULD PAY US 500 00:22:45,998 --> 00:22:50,701 TO EXAMINE OUR WHOLE MODUS OPERANDI, AS IT WERE, 501 00:22:50,770 --> 00:22:52,581 VIS-A-VIS THE HANDLING OF CUSTOMERS 502 00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:54,216 FROM THE MOMENT THEY ARRIVE 503 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:55,984 TO THE MOMENT WHEN WE MAKE THE SALE... 504 00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:57,174 OR NOT. 505 00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:02,580 I SOMETIMES REGARD OUR WHOLE ORGANIZATION 506 00:23:02,648 --> 00:23:05,082 AS A SHIP AT SEA. 507 00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:06,762 PEACOCK HERE IS AT THE HELM, 508 00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:08,564 KEEPING HIS EYES SKINNED, 509 00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:10,131 I AM IN THE ENGINE ROOM, 510 00:23:10,155 --> 00:23:12,901 MAKING SURE WE'RE ALL GOING FULL STEAM AHEAD, 511 00:23:12,925 --> 00:23:14,725 AND YOU MEN ARE THE CREW. 512 00:23:14,761 --> 00:23:16,694 WHAT'S IT CALLED, THE TITANIC? 513 00:23:19,164 --> 00:23:21,565 AND WHAT ABOUT THE LADIES? 514 00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:24,134 OH, YOU'RE THE CREW, TOO. 515 00:23:24,203 --> 00:23:27,070 NOW, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE LIFT DOORS OPEN 516 00:23:27,139 --> 00:23:28,650 AND OUT STEPS A CUSTOMER? 517 00:23:28,674 --> 00:23:30,318 WE ALL MAN THE LIFEBOATS. 518 00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:32,443 MR. LUCAS...! 519 00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:34,256 Rumbold: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS. 520 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:38,883 CAPTAIN PEACOCK SPOTS HIM AND STEERS HIM OVER TO THE COUNTER. 521 00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:40,328 I SEE! YES, I SEE, SIR. 522 00:23:40,352 --> 00:23:42,664 THE CUSTOMER HAS NOW BECOME THE SHIP, 523 00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:45,088 AND ALL THE COUNTERS ARE DOCKS. 524 00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:47,202 AND WHEN HE GETS TO ONE OF OUR COUNTERS, 525 00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:49,004 WE TIE HIM UP WITH OUR TAPE MEASURE 526 00:23:49,028 --> 00:23:51,988 AND HANG ONTO HIM UNTIL HE'S BEEN UNLOADED. 527 00:23:53,399 --> 00:23:55,599 THAT'S NOT QUITE WHAT I MEANT. 528 00:23:55,668 --> 00:23:57,735 PERHAPS IF I COULD PUT IT, SIR, 529 00:23:57,804 --> 00:24:01,872 NOT MORE SUCCINCTLY, BUT IN A WAY THAT WOULD BE MORE EASILY GRASPED 530 00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:04,875 BY THOSE UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND YOUR SIMILE. 531 00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:07,878 I LOOK UPON IT AS A BATTLE. 532 00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:10,047 THE CUSTOMER IS THE ENEMY. 533 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:12,750 WE DEPLOY OUR FORCES, LIFT DOORS OPEN, 534 00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:14,485 CUSTOMER STEPS OUT, AND WHAT HAPPENS? 535 00:24:14,554 --> 00:24:17,321 WE OPEN UP THE MACHINE GUNS, AND BANG-BANG, HE'S DEAD. 536 00:24:17,389 --> 00:24:20,390 IF WE'RE GOING ON LIKE THIS, I'M GOING HOME. 537 00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:22,125 BEAR WITH ME. BEAR WITH ME. 538 00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:26,129 NOW, I ENGAGE THE CUSTOMER IN A LITTLE VERBAL SKIRMISH, 539 00:24:26,198 --> 00:24:29,667 HE IS THEN OUTFLANKED BY THE EVER-ALERT MR. GRAINGER... 540 00:24:29,735 --> 00:24:31,902 ( snoring ) 541 00:24:33,405 --> 00:24:34,805 MR. HUMPHRIES... 542 00:24:34,874 --> 00:24:37,808 - ARE YOU FREE, MR. GRAINGER? - YES, I'M FREE! 543 00:24:37,877 --> 00:24:40,277 THANK YOU. 544 00:24:40,346 --> 00:24:42,746 NOW, THE TROUBLE APPEARS TO BE 545 00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:45,683 THAT SOME OF THE CUSTOMERS ARE GETTING AWAY. 546 00:24:45,751 --> 00:24:48,886 NOW, WHERE IS THE WEAK LINK IN THE CHAIN? 547 00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:55,170 I THINK YOU MAY HAVE SOMETHING THERE, CAPTAIN PEACOCK. 548 00:24:55,194 --> 00:24:58,461 PERHAPS THERE IS A WEAK LINK IN THE CHAIN. 549 00:24:58,531 --> 00:25:00,564 PERHAPS WE REALLY SHOULD EXAMINE 550 00:25:00,633 --> 00:25:02,967 OUR WHOLE CUSTOMER HANDLING TECHNIQUE 551 00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:04,713 FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. 552 00:25:04,737 --> 00:25:06,604 NOW, I WILL BE A CUSTOMER. 553 00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,083 I SHALL ARRIVE IN THE LIFT, 554 00:25:08,107 --> 00:25:10,218 AND I WANT YOU ALL TO TAKE ME RIGHT THROUGH, 555 00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:12,442 FROM THE MOMENT WHEN CAPTAIN PEACOCK SPOTS ME 556 00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:14,189 TO THE MOMENT WHEN WE MAKE THE SALE. 557 00:25:14,213 --> 00:25:16,213 GOOD IDEA, SIR. 558 00:25:18,384 --> 00:25:20,885 NOW, I WANT YOU ALL TO OBSERVE, 559 00:25:20,953 --> 00:25:23,554 VERY CAREFULLY, WHAT HAPPENS. 560 00:25:23,623 --> 00:25:25,863 WE MAY POSSIBLY LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS, HMM? 561 00:25:25,925 --> 00:25:27,357 QUITE. 562 00:25:27,426 --> 00:25:29,004 DEPLOY YOURSELVES IN YOUR USUAL POSITIONS, 563 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,961 AND KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN. 564 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:33,630 AS MR. RUMBOLD SAYS, WE MAY ALL LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS. 565 00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:40,237 WE'RE READY, MR. RUMBOLD. 566 00:25:40,305 --> 00:25:42,640 ( thumping ) 567 00:25:45,578 --> 00:25:47,711 HE'S STUCK. 568 00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:51,515 GET HIM OUT, MR. HUMPHRIES. 569 00:25:51,584 --> 00:25:54,763 WE'VE CERTAINLY LEARNED SOMETHING, MISS BRAHMS. 570 00:25:54,787 --> 00:25:56,965 WE'VE LEARNED THAT MR. RUMBOLD 571 00:25:56,989 --> 00:25:59,389 DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO OPEN THE LIFTS. 572 00:26:02,061 --> 00:26:04,528 I'M SORRY, I PUSHED THE FLOOR BUTTON, 573 00:26:04,597 --> 00:26:06,363 THEN THE LIFT MOVED, 574 00:26:06,432 --> 00:26:08,165 SO I PUSHED THE EMERGENCY STOP, 575 00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:10,568 AND THEN OF COURSE, THE DOORS WOULDN'T OPEN. 576 00:26:10,636 --> 00:26:13,481 - ( bell rings ) - THERE'S SOMEBODY COMING DOWN IN THE OTHER LIFT. 577 00:26:13,505 --> 00:26:16,640 - THAT'LL BE YOUNG MR. GRACE. - IS MY HAIR TIDY? 578 00:26:16,709 --> 00:26:18,386 STRAIGHTEN YOURSELVES UP. 579 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,890 YOUNG MR. GRACE IS COMING DOWN. 580 00:26:21,647 --> 00:26:23,513 GOOD EVENING, SIR. 581 00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:29,219 Young Mr. Grace: GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY. 582 00:26:29,288 --> 00:26:32,690 All: GOOD EVENING, MR. GRACE. 583 00:26:32,758 --> 00:26:36,226 I HEAR YOU'VE BEEN HAVING A SALES CONFERENCE. 584 00:26:36,295 --> 00:26:38,261 THAT'S RIGHT, MR. GRACE. 585 00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:39,741 IT'S BEEN GOING VERY WELL, SIR. 586 00:26:39,765 --> 00:26:41,899 I WAS A SALESMAN ONCE, YOU KNOW. 587 00:26:41,968 --> 00:26:44,434 I HAD A STALL IN THE MARKET. 588 00:26:44,503 --> 00:26:46,670 WE SOLD FISH. 589 00:26:46,739 --> 00:26:49,172 SMELLY STUFF. 590 00:26:49,241 --> 00:26:52,710 YOU WERE VERY WISE TO HAVE A DEPARTMENT STORE INSTEAD, MR. GRACE. 591 00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:55,423 BEEN HAVING A GOOD TUCK-IN, MRS. SLOCOMBE? 592 00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:58,348 OH, YES, THANK YOU, MR. GRACE. IT WAS DELICIOUS. 593 00:26:58,417 --> 00:27:00,963 GOOD. I'M GLAD WE'RE LOOKING AFTER YOU. 594 00:27:00,987 --> 00:27:03,887 WELL, YOU'VE ALL DONE VERY WELL. 595 00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:05,400 IT'S TIME YOU ALL WENT HOME. 596 00:27:05,424 --> 00:27:07,625 All: THANK YOU, MR. GRACE. 597 00:27:07,693 --> 00:27:09,994 - COAT, SIR? - OH, THANK YOU. 598 00:27:13,833 --> 00:27:16,044 YOU'RE A CHEEKY YOUNG MONKEY, AREN'T YOU? 599 00:27:16,068 --> 00:27:18,468 ONE OF OUR MOST PROMISING YOUNG MEN, SIR. 600 00:27:18,537 --> 00:27:21,972 IT'S A GOOD FIT... NICE MATERIAL. 601 00:27:22,041 --> 00:27:23,741 IT'S VICUNA, SIR. 602 00:27:23,809 --> 00:27:25,609 YES, I ALWAYS WEAR VICUNA. 603 00:27:25,678 --> 00:27:29,046 WELL, I'LL TAKE IT. 604 00:27:29,115 --> 00:27:31,581 HAVE IT PUT ON MY ACCOUNT. 605 00:27:31,651 --> 00:27:34,018 A VERY FORCEFUL SALE. 606 00:27:34,086 --> 00:27:36,419 PERSONALLY TRAINED BY ME, SIR. 607 00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:38,466 WE COULD DO WITH MORE OF THAT SORT. 608 00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:40,223 YES, INDEED, SIR. 609 00:27:40,292 --> 00:27:43,127 DON'T BE LATE IN THE MORNING. 610 00:27:43,195 --> 00:27:44,773 All: NO, MR. GRACE. 611 00:27:44,797 --> 00:27:46,917 YOU'VE ALL DONE VERY WELL. 612 00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:48,766 All: THANK YOU, MR. GRACE. 613 00:27:51,303 --> 00:27:52,736 ( chuckles ) WELL... 614 00:27:52,805 --> 00:27:54,538 HE SEEMS IN A VERY GOOD MOOD. 615 00:27:54,606 --> 00:27:57,086 I'VE SELDOM SEEN HIM IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD. 616 00:27:58,210 --> 00:28:01,145 THAT WAS A VERY SMART BIT OF SELLING, MR. LUCAS. 617 00:28:01,213 --> 00:28:04,247 YOU SEE, THE SMILE DOES THE TRICK. 618 00:28:04,316 --> 00:28:06,583 OH, IT DOES INDEED, MR. RUMBOLD, YES. 619 00:28:06,652 --> 00:28:09,519 YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW YOUR STOCK VERY WELL. 620 00:28:09,588 --> 00:28:11,521 EVEN I WAS UNAWARE 621 00:28:11,590 --> 00:28:13,724 THAT WE HAD A VICUNA COAT. 622 00:28:13,793 --> 00:28:15,425 WE HAVEN'T. 623 00:28:15,494 --> 00:28:19,096 MR. LUCAS SOLD MR. GRACE HIS OWN COAT. 624 00:28:24,236 --> 00:28:28,839 MR. LUCAS SOLD MR. GRACE MR. LUCAS' COAT? 625 00:28:28,908 --> 00:28:30,507 NO... 626 00:28:30,576 --> 00:28:34,011 MR. LUCAS SOLD MR. GRACE MR. GRACE'S COAT. 627 00:28:35,681 --> 00:28:37,514 I SEE. 628 00:28:37,583 --> 00:28:40,084 I THINK WE'VE ALL LEARNED 629 00:28:40,152 --> 00:28:42,720 A GREAT DEAL THIS EVENING. 630 00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:48,325 HERE, DO YOU STILL FANCY "THE UNSATISFIED VIRGIN"? 631 00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:51,628 - I'M GAME IF YOU'RE GAME. - ALL RIGHT, THEN. COME ON. 632 00:28:55,667 --> 00:28:59,970 I MUST PRACTICE THAT SMILE MYSELF. 633 00:29:00,039 --> 00:29:03,040 ( theme music plays ) 634 00:29:05,845 --> 00:29:08,389 ♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY, STATIONERY, AND LEATHER GOODS ♪ 635 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:11,081 ♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪ 636 00:29:11,150 --> 00:29:13,150 ♪ GOING UP... ♪ 637 00:29:16,889 --> 00:29:19,656 ♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES, GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪ 638 00:29:19,725 --> 00:29:22,425 ♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS, UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪ 639 00:29:22,494 --> 00:29:24,928 ♪ GOING UP... ♪ 640 00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:31,701 ♪ SECOND FLOOR... CARPETS, TRAVEL GOODS AND BEDDING ♪ 641 00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:34,604 ♪ MATERIAL, SOFT FURNISHINGS RESTAURANT AND TEAS ♪ 642 00:29:34,673 --> 00:29:36,673 ♪ GOING DOWN. ♪ 48941

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