All language subtitles for According to Jim s08e18 Heaven Opposed to Hell

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,180 Come on, girl. We're going to be late. 2 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:05,520 Come on, come on, come on. 3 00:00:08,860 --> 00:00:09,860 Oops. 4 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:12,900 Honey, you want to do something about that? 5 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:15,340 See, honey, you'll be back in 20 minutes. 6 00:00:16,780 --> 00:00:17,780 Jim. 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:23,160 We got 8 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:31,760 20 9 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,060 minutes. Eat up. 10 00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:41,420 It was a lot cuter eight years ago. 11 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:49,720 Oh, baby. 12 00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:52,660 Oh, 13 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:56,500 Jim. Jim. Dana and Ryan are here. 14 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:00,560 Oh, great, honey. Thanks for the heads up. I'll be in the garage. 15 00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:01,780 Jim. 16 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:03,709 You know what? 17 00:01:03,710 --> 00:01:04,710 Tell them I'm in bed. 18 00:01:05,010 --> 00:01:06,390 Better yet, tell them I'm dead. 19 00:01:06,590 --> 00:01:10,150 Jim, this is the first time my sister's been back since they moved to 20 00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:12,210 California. Would it kill you to act excited? 21 00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:16,130 Cheryl, you know who you married. Unless it's about sports, steaks, or 22 00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:17,730 fireworks, I don't get excited. 23 00:01:19,310 --> 00:01:26,170 Hey, Jimmy. Hey, Ryan. 24 00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:28,750 Dana. 25 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,290 Jim. 26 00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:37,070 Okay, I guess we're done here, right? No, stop it. 27 00:01:37,590 --> 00:01:38,590 Let's sit down and relax. 28 00:01:38,810 --> 00:01:40,930 Wait, wait, wait. We have some very big news first. 29 00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:43,710 Andy and I have some very big news. 30 00:01:44,390 --> 00:01:45,510 How? Hey, Dana. 31 00:01:45,790 --> 00:01:48,690 Hey, Andy. My news first. No, no, no, no. My news first. 32 00:01:49,010 --> 00:01:50,170 Well, what's the news? 33 00:01:50,470 --> 00:01:53,250 Come on. You finally got a girl to go on a second date with you, so you got 34 00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:55,130 engaged. Oh, and we're so excited. 35 00:01:56,030 --> 00:01:58,610 Dana couldn't lose her baby weight, so she got pregnant. 36 00:01:59,850 --> 00:02:01,010 And I'm going to the garage. 37 00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:02,670 No, no, no. Stop it. 38 00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:09,440 Fine, fine, fine. I'm excited. I'm excited. I am so excited. 39 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:11,620 Oh, what do you do? 40 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,120 Oh, do you have a date set yet? Is it a boy or a girl? 41 00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:18,540 Don't you go wedding dress shopping without me? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, 42 00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:19,540 God. Oh, my God. 43 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:20,820 I'm so excited. 44 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,400 How's that? 45 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,720 I think Tim wants to play charades. 46 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,660 Cheryl, I think he's choking. 47 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:50,880 What? 48 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,180 and I hug you around the waist. I'll put my hands on your shoulders. No, no. 49 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,540 Listen, man. 50 00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:31,720 I got some good news and some bad news for you. Great, great. What's the good 51 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,860 news? We're going to be hanging out together all the time. Yes! 52 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:36,960 What's the bad news? 53 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:38,160 We're dead. 54 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,360 Dead? 55 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:46,540 Deany, I was having this great year, and then I choked, and it's over. 56 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,320 I feel like I'm the Cubs. 57 00:03:51,050 --> 00:03:54,290 You are going to love it up here. Yeah? The beer's free, the band's always 58 00:03:54,290 --> 00:03:57,690 great, and you get to ride your motorcycle without a helmet. Oh, great. 59 00:03:57,730 --> 00:03:58,730 how did you die? 60 00:03:59,090 --> 00:04:00,650 Riding my motorcycle without a helmet. 61 00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:05,650 Go and check in with that guy there. I'll see you for dinner. 62 00:04:05,890 --> 00:04:08,970 We're at Harry Carey's table. All right, I'll be sure to bring my liver. 63 00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:10,790 That's the other thing about up here. 64 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,360 Take a welcome bag. 65 00:04:23,580 --> 00:04:24,580 Enjoy heaven. 66 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:25,780 Take a welcome bag. 67 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:28,500 Enjoy heaven. 68 00:04:28,620 --> 00:04:29,700 Take a welcome bag. 69 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,160 Enjoy heaven. 70 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:33,480 Take a welcome bag. 71 00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:35,600 So how did you go? 72 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:39,500 Took a bullet saving my family. How about you? Enjoy heaven. 73 00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:40,940 Yeah, same thing. 74 00:04:44,020 --> 00:04:45,020 Enjoy heaven. 75 00:04:45,140 --> 00:04:46,180 Take a welcome bag. 76 00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:47,780 How you doing? 77 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:50,500 with the welcome bag. 78 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:51,860 You think I can get two? 79 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,700 Wow, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did I win something? 80 00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:59,280 Am I like the millionth customer? 81 00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:02,260 Apparently you've been red flagged. 82 00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:03,660 Oh, hell. 83 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,160 Potentially, yes. 84 00:05:09,140 --> 00:05:10,140 Now where am I? 85 00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:15,260 God, is that you? 86 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,160 Yes, God, oh. 87 00:05:17,870 --> 00:05:20,570 God, I gotta talk to you. They won't let me into heaven. 88 00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:23,630 Can you say a few words for me? You know a guy? 89 00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:25,530 Jim, I am the guy. 90 00:05:31,190 --> 00:05:32,510 What's this all about, then? 91 00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:35,610 Oh, I get it. 92 00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:38,890 I get it. I can't go into heaven until I do jury duty, right? 93 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:45,590 I need to review the merits of your life, and if everything checks out, we'd 94 00:05:45,590 --> 00:05:49,950 happy to have you in heaven, but... Of course, if it doesn't, then all hell 95 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:50,950 break loose, David. 96 00:05:53,330 --> 00:05:57,190 See what I did? I came in at just the right time. Woo -hoo! 97 00:05:58,370 --> 00:06:01,470 Uh, does, uh, hell have a gift bag? 98 00:06:02,790 --> 00:06:03,790 For you. 99 00:06:06,190 --> 00:06:07,290 Nice color. 100 00:06:14,510 --> 00:06:19,390 Jeff, Jim will be the person who loves you most in the world. Oh, thank God. I 101 00:06:19,390 --> 00:06:20,390 mean, thank you. 102 00:06:21,550 --> 00:06:23,190 I'm here for you, Jim! 103 00:06:25,570 --> 00:06:26,890 Wait a minute, where's Cheryl? 104 00:06:27,150 --> 00:06:28,950 She loves you, but not the most. 105 00:06:30,430 --> 00:06:31,430 Andy, are you dead? 106 00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:34,110 No, no, I'm fine. God just borrowed my soul. 107 00:06:34,330 --> 00:06:38,470 I got decades before I kick it, right, God? We really should get started here. 108 00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:41,490 Hey, Jim, are you my case? 109 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,160 will be the person who despises you most. 110 00:06:47,220 --> 00:06:48,400 There's my girl. 111 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,800 And how's that baby of mine doing? 112 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,240 Tab, stop. 113 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:56,480 You're so bad. 114 00:06:57,420 --> 00:07:00,140 How could you be with someone so evil? 115 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,940 He's not that bad. I'm talking to him. 116 00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:10,100 You know, Jim, for years I've been telling you to go to hell. 117 00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:11,980 This time it really means something. 118 00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,140 Come on, Ian. 119 00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:21,940 Do something. Hey, don't worry, buddy. I got your defense all planned out. 120 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:26,140 God, I'd like to call to the stand your son, Jesus. 121 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,540 Jesus? You can't call Jesus. 122 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,560 I used his name in vain at the Super Bowl. 123 00:07:31,540 --> 00:07:35,480 Not a problem. He forgives everybody. Plus, I'm hoping he autographs my Bible. 124 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,860 God, God, permission to smack my lawyer in the back of the head? 125 00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:43,810 That's not exactly the sort of thing that will get you into heaven. 126 00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:49,470 It was worth it. 127 00:07:50,030 --> 00:07:52,150 Actually, the lady goes first. Call your witness. 128 00:07:53,110 --> 00:07:56,470 Kyle, tell us about the butler incident. Think back. 129 00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:07,310 Will there be anything else, sir? 130 00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:10,710 Well, we may be going out later, so... Have the car washed. 131 00:08:10,910 --> 00:08:11,910 Very good, sir. 132 00:08:12,390 --> 00:08:18,370 He made his eight -year -old son work as his butler. Oh, come on, Dina. 133 00:08:18,690 --> 00:08:21,290 You know Kyle and I like to play Batman. 134 00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:24,150 He likes to be offered. 135 00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:27,550 Which is great, because then I'm Robin. 136 00:08:27,890 --> 00:08:28,890 Oh, sweet. 137 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:35,049 You expect us to believe that a little kid enjoys pretending to be a butler? 138 00:08:35,429 --> 00:08:38,409 Ooh, it's three o 'clock. God, shall I make you some tea? 139 00:08:38,990 --> 00:08:40,490 Sure. Long Island. 140 00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:45,710 Hi, girls. 141 00:08:45,950 --> 00:08:46,950 Hiya, Dana. 142 00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:50,530 I brought you something really nice from California. 143 00:08:51,250 --> 00:08:52,250 Objection! 144 00:08:52,830 --> 00:08:55,290 She didn't bring me back anything from California. 145 00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:01,010 Let's talk about your dad and the pizza man. 146 00:09:01,670 --> 00:09:03,790 Uh, that's 35 minutes. 147 00:09:04,350 --> 00:09:07,470 Pizza's free, right? Well, I'm a little bit on time, but your house doesn't have 148 00:09:07,470 --> 00:09:08,470 any numbers. 149 00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:10,460 None of the houses on your street have numbers. 150 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,100 Damn neighborhood kids. 151 00:09:14,740 --> 00:09:16,880 Try delivering pizzas. Get the numbers right. 152 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,880 All right, he's gone. Girls, come here, quick. 153 00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:24,900 Help me put these numbers back before your mother gets here. Wait, but won't 154 00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:25,900 pizza get cold? 155 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:26,979 You're right. 156 00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:28,740 Put this pizza in the oven, Alfred. 157 00:09:40,810 --> 00:09:41,749 What rules? 158 00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:44,350 If it's not delivered in 30 minutes, it's free. 159 00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,090 They even call it the challenge. 160 00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:49,850 You hid your house numbers. 161 00:09:51,010 --> 00:09:52,650 That's what makes it a challenge. 162 00:09:54,070 --> 00:09:59,830 Hey, if loving pizza is a reason to send someone to hell, send us both. 163 00:10:01,590 --> 00:10:03,210 Andy, you're not helping me here. 164 00:10:04,990 --> 00:10:05,989 Hey, Ryan. 165 00:10:05,990 --> 00:10:07,910 Hey, honey. How's my little bun in the oven? 166 00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:09,570 Oh, he's a little devil. 167 00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:12,500 You're terrible. 168 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,740 Brian, you and Jim are friends, right? 169 00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,100 We've met. 170 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,680 Tell us about how he's evil incarnate. 171 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,000 Oh, well, I wouldn't say he... Do it! He's tried to ruin my marriage multiple 172 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,500 times. Odd number anniversaries just aren't that important. 173 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:34,580 It is your duty to make your wife cry every six weeks. 174 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,880 Never, ever call your wife by her first name. 175 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,600 Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving? 176 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,200 He even made me grow this stupid goatee and I hate it. 177 00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:55,080 Nice job. 178 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:56,720 Crybaby. 179 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:02,260 Hold on a second. I can defend each and every one of those statements. 180 00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:04,640 Okay, what's the problem with Thanksgiving? 181 00:11:05,020 --> 00:11:06,020 Thanksgiving? 182 00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:10,550 You mean the day that we set aside each year to give thanks for all the gifts 183 00:11:10,550 --> 00:11:11,550 that you have given? 184 00:11:13,010 --> 00:11:14,010 Nothing. Nothing. 185 00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:19,110 Hey, don't worry about it. The old Andy man's got some moves left. 186 00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:26,270 Your Honor, I'd like to call to the stand a great man. 187 00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:27,830 Me. 188 00:11:29,010 --> 00:11:30,010 Can I do that? 189 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,910 Well, it's a Hail Mary, but I can't get enough of those. 190 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,520 a little bit about your friend Jim. 191 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,540 Well, he's not just my friend, he's my best friend. 192 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,560 Wouldn't you say he's your only friend? 193 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:54,440 No, not at all. I have lots of other friends. Like who? 194 00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:55,820 Your mom? 195 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:56,900 Your dead father? 196 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:01,340 The robot you built to play chess with you? Shut up! Just shut up! 197 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,580 to look for a check and make ass of a bi... 198 00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:18,600 Objection! To what? 199 00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:20,660 To him as my lawyer! 200 00:12:22,460 --> 00:12:25,840 God, I would like to represent myself. 201 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:30,460 Well, a man who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. 202 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,660 Yeah, well, whoever said that didn't have him as a lawyer. 203 00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:36,520 I would like to call... 204 00:12:38,830 --> 00:12:39,830 Cheryl to the stand. 205 00:12:43,010 --> 00:12:44,010 Hi, baby. 206 00:12:44,170 --> 00:12:45,230 What are they, dude? 207 00:12:46,050 --> 00:12:47,050 That's your wife? 208 00:12:52,650 --> 00:12:53,990 I know what you're thinking. 209 00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:56,370 I married the hot sister. 210 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,770 Cheryl, tell everybody what a great guy I am. 211 00:13:05,530 --> 00:13:07,190 I have the perfect story. 212 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:10,720 I bet you have thousands of stories. 213 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:13,280 I've got the perfect story. 214 00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:19,380 Last year, our church needed a new roof, and Jim offered to put one on at cost. 215 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:26,240 He did a great job, and our house of worship, your house, was warm and dry 216 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,240 again. 217 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:34,560 That's right. 218 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,580 I fix churches. 219 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,180 That's the kind of guy I am. 220 00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:41,140 I'm a church fixer. 221 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,200 I can't have a church fix in hell. 222 00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:45,780 Cool it, Sally. 223 00:13:46,980 --> 00:13:48,940 You say that he did a good job. 224 00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,680 Is the roof still there? 225 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:55,780 Well, sadly, a few weeks later, the roof was ripped off by a windstorm. 226 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,000 Oh, really? 227 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,080 Was it named Hurricane Jim? 228 00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:34,809 into heaven. 229 00:14:34,810 --> 00:14:37,010 God, can I have a sidebar with my witness? 230 00:14:37,490 --> 00:14:39,430 I'd say that's probably a good idea. 231 00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:43,450 Carol, come here. 232 00:14:44,370 --> 00:14:48,190 You're supposed to tell a story that emphasizes the good part of me. I 233 00:14:48,190 --> 00:14:51,610 that's what I was doing. You've got to fudge a few details. Take a little deep 234 00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:53,590 breath. Squeeze out some tears. 235 00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:56,210 And remember, God is a guy. 236 00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,130 So pop a couple buttons. 237 00:14:58,470 --> 00:15:01,430 We're going to move on here. I've got a tea time I want to make. 238 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,780 I'm playing with Bob Hope. That guy's wild. 239 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,540 So, Cheryl, is there another story you'd like to tell? 240 00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:12,420 I don't know about you, but is it me? 241 00:15:13,060 --> 00:15:14,560 Is it getting a little hot in here? 242 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:19,260 Yes, I guess it is a little warm. 243 00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:28,780 Please continue, Cheryl. 244 00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:30,420 Okay, um... 245 00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:34,670 So, the other day, Jim was, uh, vacuuming. 246 00:15:35,850 --> 00:15:42,570 And exactly why was I vacuuming? Uh, you were vacuuming because we were having 247 00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:43,570 guests over. 248 00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:47,070 Orphans. Hey, come on in. 249 00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:48,750 Come on in. 250 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:53,970 Well, well, well, what can I get you, kid? Something to drink? 251 00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:57,950 A snack, maybe? Or maybe some parents? 252 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,260 During the ventriloquist show. 253 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,160 Ventriloquist show? 254 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,000 One of the parents needed an emergency tracheotomy. 255 00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:24,260 Luckily, Jim was carrying a pen. 256 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:34,100 I'm starting to think you asked your wife to lie to me. 257 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,120 Well, in my defense, I thought she'd do a better job. 258 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,120 way to tell them how you like to moon the neighbors. 259 00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:43,020 Oh, old lady Nelson? 260 00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:47,140 Oh, come on, she gets a thrill out of it. I kept her alive for the last ten 261 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,140 years. 262 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:49,900 I think we heard enough. 263 00:16:50,140 --> 00:16:51,180 The guy's a bum. 264 00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:56,160 God, give him to me. Let me have him. I'm sorry, Jim, but I think it's time 265 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,119 you to go. 266 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,400 Wait, God, can I ask Jim one question? 267 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,920 Fine, but you're explaining this to Bob Hope. 268 00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:05,380 Jim, think back. 269 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,319 Do you remember what we fought about last Saturday night? 270 00:17:10,220 --> 00:17:12,900 Why should I stop moaning old lady Nelson? 271 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,000 She doesn't like it. 272 00:17:16,859 --> 00:17:18,119 She still looks. 273 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,079 Look, Cheryl, you know who you married. 274 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,680 Stop trying to change me. 275 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,660 And the fight we had the week before that? 276 00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:33,680 Cheryl. Cheryl. It is not tax evasion when I use a false identity. 277 00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:39,480 Come on, baby. You know who you married. 278 00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:41,310 Stop trying to change me. 279 00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:43,030 And last fall? 280 00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,130 Thanksgiving? 281 00:17:46,670 --> 00:17:47,670 Thanksgiving? 282 00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:51,710 Cheryl, you know who you married. 283 00:17:52,330 --> 00:17:53,970 Stop trying to change me. 284 00:17:55,590 --> 00:17:58,370 It's what you've said in every fight we've ever had. 285 00:17:58,930 --> 00:17:59,930 And you know what, God? 286 00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:01,210 He's right. 287 00:18:01,810 --> 00:18:03,710 That's why I accept him for who he is. 288 00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:09,130 Well, then you're better than me, Cheryl. 289 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,940 I just can't, lady man. Come on, let's go. No, no, no, no, no. 290 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,100 You get your hand off him, mister. 291 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,480 Ay, 292 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:18,880 mamita. 293 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,700 I did pick the wrong sister. 294 00:18:25,740 --> 00:18:26,740 Cheryl. 295 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,720 Cheryl. That's okay. You try. 296 00:18:30,340 --> 00:18:34,240 And if I gotta go to hell, at least I got to hear you say I was right one last 297 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,240 time. Oh. 298 00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:37,660 You know what? 299 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,520 If he's going to hell, I'm going with him. 300 00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:44,700 What? Oh, yeah. When I get down to Earth, I'm going to rob a bank, kick a 301 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:45,760 and moon old lady Nelson. 302 00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:50,300 But you really do love me, don't you? But not as much as me. 303 00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:52,080 I'm going to hell, too. 304 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,960 Let's all go to hell. Yeah. 305 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,420 Does hell have a welcome bag? 306 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,660 Seriously? You don't want to go to hell for Jim? 307 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,920 I guess we'll be the happiest family in hell. 308 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:10,230 Objection! You can't have a happy family in hell. 309 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,650 Yeah, that'll ruin everything. 310 00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,650 I can't have him up here with me. 311 00:19:14,930 --> 00:19:18,630 Well, I guess I got no choice but to send you back to Earth. 312 00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:19,990 Yay! 313 00:19:20,650 --> 00:19:21,890 Yes, yes, yes! 314 00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:25,770 Oh, Cheryl, thank you. Oh, honey. 315 00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:28,030 You know there's no way you're getting to heaven without me. 316 00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:31,610 That's the reason I married you. Oh, 317 00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:34,910 Jim! 318 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:49,880 the country for that. 319 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,560 Are you all right? 320 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,380 Yeah. Yeah. 321 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,820 Thought for a second there I was a goner. 322 00:19:57,140 --> 00:20:00,400 Yeah. It's a good thing Andy was here to jump in front of the doctor to give you 323 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,400 the Heimlich. 324 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,660 You don't understand. 325 00:20:04,740 --> 00:20:09,240 I was in heaven and God was deciding whether I should go to heaven or hell. 326 00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:12,120 Wish I'd been there. I could have told him some stories. 327 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,500 You were there. 328 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:17,740 Everybody was there. 329 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,260 It was like a trial. 330 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:26,260 And in the end, God decided to give me a second chance. 331 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:31,720 Wow. So now you're going to live your life differently and be nicer to 332 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,800 And always tell the truth? 333 00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:36,500 And set a good example with acts of kindness? 334 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,360 And treat us with dignity and respect? 335 00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:43,580 And learn to treat life like the gift that it is? 336 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,400 Because you never know when it might be your last? 337 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:53,440 Oh, wow. We're all going, um, drink plenty of fluids. 338 00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:58,900 No, I'm going to stay just the way I am. Well, 339 00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:01,720 God don't want me. 340 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:06,260 The devil won't have me the way I figure it. If I never change. 23938

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