All language subtitles for According to Jim s08e03 Jami McFame

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,499 --> 00:00:06,320 Hey, what are you doing out here? We're supposed to watch the game. 2 00:00:06,860 --> 00:00:10,200 And why do I detect the faint smell of gasoline in the air? 3 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,020 Snow removal's a racket. 4 00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:14,400 Snow blowers are expensive. 5 00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:17,680 So, I put gas on the walkway. 6 00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:24,900 I don't follow, Jim. Well, I figure, light it on fire, fire melts snow, snow 7 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:28,520 makes water, water puts out fire, Jim gets beer. 8 00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:30,160 Jim gets to watch the game. 9 00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:32,320 Oh, I like it. 10 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:37,520 Hey, if Jim's flamethrower snowblower works, we could sell it to the city for 11 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,000 snow removal all over town. 12 00:00:39,260 --> 00:00:40,620 My God, Andy, we'd be rich. 13 00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:43,340 Hey, we could buy a snowblower. 14 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:46,940 I'd like that sucker up. 15 00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:52,320 Okay, science, do your stuff. 16 00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:01,990 Sorry, Jim. I don't think it's going to do anything. Whoa, look at that! 17 00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:03,370 It's working! 18 00:01:04,370 --> 00:01:08,350 What was that to neighbor's cat? 19 00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:10,290 Fluffy! 20 00:01:10,450 --> 00:01:11,750 Fluffy, run! Fluffy, run! 21 00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:14,710 No, no, no, don't run! Stop, drop, and roll! Stop, drop, and roll! 22 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,370 Run! But not under my car! 23 00:01:16,890 --> 00:01:17,890 Fluffy! 24 00:01:18,330 --> 00:01:19,550 Oh, Fluffy! 25 00:01:20,290 --> 00:01:22,210 You broke my car! 26 00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:28,110 At least the walkway is completely clear. 27 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,840 Oh, 28 00:01:31,820 --> 00:01:32,820 Fluffy! 29 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,940 He's completely fine. 30 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,300 A Christmas miracle. 31 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,280 or that's the best we ever sounded. 32 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:09,979 Oh, well, I have been practicing. Did you guys check out my awesome new riff? 33 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,900 You know, it's not funny when you guys unplug my keyboard. 34 00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:17,540 Yes, it is. 35 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:24,220 Daddy, guess what? You're never going to believe this. What happened? Is 36 00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:25,540 somebody bleeding? Is Gracie hurt? 37 00:02:26,140 --> 00:02:30,600 I'm Gracie. Right, right, right. There was a contest, and we entered a CD of 38 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:31,600 your band. 39 00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:32,640 This band? 40 00:02:33,890 --> 00:02:36,570 Jamie McFame is doing a benefit concert here in Chicago. 41 00:02:36,850 --> 00:02:38,870 And you're her backup band and we get to meet her. 42 00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:43,130 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jamie McFame. 43 00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:47,970 Who the hell is Jamie McFame? What is wrong with you? 44 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:53,190 I think she's some singer who does dumb kids movies. Dumb kids movies? 45 00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:57,570 All right, look, I'm not going to play for some crummy kid. 46 00:02:57,850 --> 00:02:59,430 Some crummy kid? 47 00:03:07,679 --> 00:03:10,820 Video games? A cookbook, Jim Herfield, Marsala. 48 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,980 No. All right, this is a serious blues band. 49 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:19,000 We're now going to back up some lip -syncing bubblegum pop star. 50 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,780 I told you, a rich man like Daddy doesn't care about $1 ,000. 51 00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:25,620 $1 ,000. 52 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,060 All right, get out of here. We need to practice. 53 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:30,440 One, two, three. 54 00:03:53,290 --> 00:03:56,870 No sawdust on the floor, the waitresses are cute, and it doesn't smell like 55 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,110 puke. Hey, look. 56 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,110 Jamie McFame and friends. 57 00:04:02,930 --> 00:04:04,570 We're the friends! We're the friends! 58 00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:09,250 There you are. Hi, I'm Sheila, Jamie's manager. 59 00:04:09,570 --> 00:04:10,209 Oh, hi. 60 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:13,690 You must be, um, Daddy and his creepy buddy. 61 00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:19,230 Well, I'm Daddy, and the band name is what my daughters put on the form. 62 00:04:20,170 --> 00:04:21,589 Unless you're looking for creepy. 63 00:04:22,079 --> 00:04:23,080 Because we can do creepy. 64 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,800 Hey, guys. Look, it's my new band. 65 00:04:28,220 --> 00:04:29,220 What's with the camera? 66 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,440 Jamie shoots a daily... Video diary for a website. For $9 .95 a month, it's like 67 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,840 you're on tour with her. I was right there when she met the Des Moines 68 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:37,840 of Commerce. 69 00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:40,260 Hi, guys. 70 00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:44,280 I'm Jamie. Hi. Are you going to help me rock this place tomorrow night? 71 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,140 We sure are, Jamie. You know, as U .S. Americans... Cut! 72 00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:54,190 ask you a question on camera, you smile and say yes. 73 00:04:54,590 --> 00:04:57,510 Well, I was just trying to... Trying to what? Annoy me? 74 00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:00,030 You two, stand on my island. 75 00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:02,070 Dude, get a haircut. 76 00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:07,790 You... smell like sausage. 77 00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:11,730 Sheila! I'll be in my dressing room. 78 00:05:11,950 --> 00:05:12,950 Yes, Jamie. 79 00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:16,070 And I want them in costume. 80 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:21,299 Believe that? 81 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,300 I know. 82 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:24,340 We get to work! 83 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,820 Jamie's audience expect to hear the songs exactly as they are on the CD. 84 00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:32,740 We McFamiacs are a demanding bunch. 85 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,780 All right, well, let's just do the song again. 86 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,320 Not till you apologize. 87 00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:40,540 What? 88 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,700 I'm sorry, Jamie. Please forgive me. 89 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:48,180 Nothing wrong. 90 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,360 Do not blow this for us. 91 00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:52,960 Apologize. I'm not going to apologize for this. 92 00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:54,800 Think of the money, Jim. 93 00:06:57,690 --> 00:06:58,970 Gracie. Me. 94 00:07:04,270 --> 00:07:05,470 Hey, look. 95 00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:07,770 I didn't mean to upset you. 96 00:07:08,530 --> 00:07:09,530 And? 97 00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:12,990 And it won't happen again. 98 00:07:13,890 --> 00:07:14,890 Because? 99 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,550 Because you're the star and we're the band. 100 00:07:19,810 --> 00:07:20,810 Except when? 101 00:07:23,930 --> 00:07:24,930 Except... 102 00:07:28,140 --> 00:07:28,919 with this, Jamie. 103 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:32,360 Then just say, I'm sorry, Jamie. It was all my fault. 104 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:41,660 I'm... I'm out of here. 105 00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,860 It's really hard to take you seriously when you're wearing a belt made out of 106 00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:04,860 candy. 107 00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:10,260 Oh, my gosh. That is so awesome. 108 00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:11,960 That makes you Gregory Great. 109 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,300 This is the greatest week ever. We invited all of our friends to the 110 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,700 It's like the rest of our lives are going to be totally better because of 111 00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:28,540 Um, girls, I think there's been a slight change of plans. 112 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:30,440 What did you do? 113 00:08:36,159 --> 00:08:38,600 Jamie McFame and I had a little creative difference. 114 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,820 And the band isn't going to play the show. 115 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,500 I told you to hide his harmonica. 116 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,500 Come on, she was being a little brat, so I quit. 117 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,860 You know, girls, it was the right thing to do. You should be very proud of your 118 00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:54,860 daddy. Thank you. 119 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,900 We have no daddy. 120 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,320 a piece of your belt? 121 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,500 Okay, here come the girls. 122 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,440 When they walk by, say, I love you, Daddy, really loud. 123 00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,260 I love you, Daddy, really loud. 124 00:09:36,180 --> 00:09:38,060 Should we try it again later, Daddy? 125 00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:39,439 I don't know. 126 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,020 That's three times. Hasn't worked yet. 127 00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:47,160 Oh, Andy, great, great, great. Look, when the girls come down, I want you to 128 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:53,020 on my lap and say, ah, forget it. No, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. Can't you just suck 129 00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:57,020 up and apologize to Jamie McFann? No. Please, Jim. I want to play that 130 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,660 I want to be Barry Blueberry. 131 00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:04,080 I have my pride, Andy. And for the record, Gregory Grape is way better than 132 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,080 Barry Blueberry. 133 00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:11,220 Jim. It's like Jamie sings in her song. When the cookies burn, you make more 134 00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:14,420 batter. That's what it takes to make your life matter. 135 00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:18,240 What does it even mean? 136 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:23,200 It means she's a nine -year -old Bob Dylan and I want to be her friend. 137 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,800 Jim. Please. No. I'll do anything. Here comes that girl. What the hell? 138 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:33,640 Get off of me. Not until you apologize to Jamie McBain. 139 00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:39,440 Look, Jim, I know you're upset about the way Jamie treated you, and I am on your 140 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:44,340 side 100%. But... Cheryl, I am not going to work for some out -of -control kid. 141 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:46,560 I'm a rat. 142 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:49,360 I'm a rat. 143 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,520 She needs to be punished, Cheryl. 144 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:58,200 Okay. But right now, the only people being punished are your little girls. 145 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,740 Right now, my little boys are being punished. 146 00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:22,990 This concert is very important to my daughters, and strangely enough, to my 147 00:11:22,990 --> 00:11:23,990 brother -in -law. 148 00:11:25,110 --> 00:11:26,110 Oh? 149 00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:31,550 Uh, so I'd like another chance to prove I can be a good team player. 150 00:11:32,290 --> 00:11:33,290 And? 151 00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:37,310 And, uh, I would do anything to prove that. 152 00:11:37,930 --> 00:11:39,530 Including, but not limited to? 153 00:11:41,510 --> 00:11:45,170 Um... Sheila, can you help me here? 154 00:11:47,110 --> 00:11:49,190 It's important to Jamie that you apologize. 155 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:00,810 Sorry. 156 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,350 Here, what do you think? 157 00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,510 We don't have time to find another band. 158 00:12:11,710 --> 00:12:13,510 Good news, Jim, you can play. 159 00:12:13,790 --> 00:12:15,350 But we're not going to pay you. 160 00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:24,620 really for my girls so as long as they can sit in the front row 161 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:30,380 back row fine 162 00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:33,900 free back row seats are great 163 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,580 I said, rich. 164 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,540 You must be very rich. 165 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:29,980 I got some of those online. 166 00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:32,640 Take a couple of these. 167 00:13:33,540 --> 00:13:35,380 Sequin headbands? What the fudge? 168 00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:38,200 Sorry we were mad at you, Daddy. 169 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,300 Yeah, you're the best dad ever. 170 00:13:40,660 --> 00:13:41,680 I'm glad to hear it. 171 00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:44,560 I will savor this moment till you want something else. 172 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:46,320 Okay, let's go to our seats. 173 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,160 You got us front row, right? 174 00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:49,500 Absolutely. 175 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:50,920 Front row to the exit. 176 00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:15,760 And that's my cookie. 177 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:17,920 I know. 178 00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:22,060 Would this be a good time to get one of those sequin headbands? 179 00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:25,779 Right, later. 180 00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:27,420 I don't need a headband. 181 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,260 Because I have your hairbrush! 182 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,900 I'm sorry I touched your food. It won't happen again. 183 00:14:48,590 --> 00:14:54,650 her parents she needs like the world's longest time out actually i'm her mom 184 00:14:54,650 --> 00:15:01,350 seriously what attracted you to her father 185 00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:06,950 the horns of the pitchfork why do you put up with that she made 16 million 186 00:15:06,950 --> 00:15:12,730 dollars last year i don't care how much money 16 million and you touched her 187 00:15:12,730 --> 00:15:16,590 cookies it doesn't matter how much she makes 188 00:15:17,310 --> 00:15:18,650 No kid should act like that. 189 00:15:18,930 --> 00:15:21,650 I just wish there was someone around to stand up to her. 190 00:15:21,930 --> 00:15:23,770 Uh, hello? You are her mother. 191 00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:26,830 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. The house is in her name. 192 00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:31,650 My house is in my name. Let me take a whack at her. Oh, I would love that. 193 00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:35,750 But make sure you really knock her out. If you just stun her, she comes up 194 00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:36,750 biting. 195 00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:40,150 Oh, oh, you mean just talk to her? Oh, okay. 196 00:15:40,410 --> 00:15:43,970 Yeah, but still, be careful about the biting. Okay, okay, okay. Don't worry 197 00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:45,210 about me. Sit down, sit down. 198 00:15:50,890 --> 00:15:55,950 Okay, little girl, you are in a timeout. You're not leaving this room until you 199 00:15:55,950 --> 00:15:57,290 apologize to your mother. 200 00:15:59,930 --> 00:16:01,610 Oh, boo -hoo. 201 00:16:02,210 --> 00:16:05,010 I'm on a timeout. You're fired. 202 00:16:08,630 --> 00:16:09,630 You know what? 203 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:15,010 I bet you love going on that stage and singing in front of that audience more 204 00:16:15,010 --> 00:16:16,230 than anything in the world. 205 00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:17,730 So what? 206 00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:19,710 So this. 207 00:16:26,190 --> 00:16:31,190 You're not going to do tonight's show or any other show until you learn to show 208 00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:32,190 people respect. 209 00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:35,310 You're bluffing. 210 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:38,230 Am I? 211 00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:55,650 Is she going to bite me? 212 00:16:57,260 --> 00:16:58,260 eyes roll back. 213 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,359 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jamie McFadden. 214 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,040 I'm almost going to toss his breath. 215 00:17:12,579 --> 00:17:13,579 Are you going to apologize? 216 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,500 No. 217 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,260 I think I might play a little harmonica. 218 00:17:21,460 --> 00:17:25,900 I call this one Waiting for Jamie to Apologize Blues. 219 00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:50,490 And? 220 00:17:51,390 --> 00:17:53,790 And I shouldn't talk to my mother like that. 221 00:17:56,590 --> 00:17:57,590 Because? 222 00:17:58,530 --> 00:18:04,930 Because she works hard to take care of me, and I should treat her as well as 223 00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:05,930 treats me. 224 00:18:11,950 --> 00:18:13,270 Despite any and all? 225 00:18:16,790 --> 00:18:17,790 Come here, Jamie. 226 00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:24,250 I don't care how famous you are, you're still a nine -year -old kid. 227 00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:29,630 All right, I want you to apologize to your mother when you give her a cookie 228 00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:30,630 a hug. 229 00:18:44,630 --> 00:18:45,790 I'm sorry, Sheila. 230 00:18:47,290 --> 00:18:48,290 Call her mom. 231 00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:50,730 Sorry, Mom. 232 00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:00,550 Okay. Now go get your jacket and have a really good show. 233 00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:01,770 Okay, Mom. 234 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,210 Wow. 235 00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:05,910 You're really a good father. 236 00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:09,210 Well, thank you, but you only think that because you're a really bad mother. 237 00:19:11,330 --> 00:19:12,810 Oh, one more thing. 238 00:19:14,490 --> 00:19:16,950 The band doesn't have to wear these crazy outfits, do we? 239 00:19:17,970 --> 00:19:20,370 Yeah, how about just the fat guy who stole my brush? 240 00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:22,370 Deal. 17194

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