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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,619 --> 00:00:04,360 Well, top of the morning to you, sir. 2 00:00:04,740 --> 00:00:05,900 What the hell? 3 00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,340 Why are you wearing that? 4 00:00:07,580 --> 00:00:10,140 What, can't a man class up his breakfast a little bit? 5 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,800 A man can, but not you. 6 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:19,160 Truth is, I've gotten a little behind on the laundry and dry cleaning. 7 00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:22,160 This monkey suit's the only clean clothes I can find in the house. 8 00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:26,240 Dad, I don't think they're going to let me wear this to school. 9 00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:30,480 Ah, Tom, it's a religious thing. 10 00:00:31,210 --> 00:00:32,409 I'll write you a note. What's up? 11 00:00:33,190 --> 00:00:35,230 Uh, better make it two notes. 12 00:00:38,590 --> 00:00:41,330 All I did was walk down the stairs, and I'm sweating. 13 00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:42,910 All right, here. 14 00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:44,970 Try this. 15 00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:47,290 Yeah. 16 00:00:47,890 --> 00:00:49,530 There you go. That'll cool you down. 17 00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:51,710 Thanks, 18 00:00:52,370 --> 00:00:53,370 Dad. You're welcome. 19 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:55,750 See that? 20 00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:57,490 Everything is fine. 21 00:00:59,790 --> 00:01:00,790 Morning. 22 00:01:03,870 --> 00:01:06,630 The sad thing is, I did his laundry. 23 00:01:08,330 --> 00:01:10,270 Frankly, Dad, I don't give a darn. 24 00:01:18,690 --> 00:01:19,750 Oh, baby. 25 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,310 All right, I'll be right back, sweetie. 26 00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:27,820 So, so, so, what do you think of her, huh? She's cute, right? 27 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:28,798 Yeah, she's cute. 28 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,260 Oh, damn it, she's too good for me. 29 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,120 Come on, all women are too good for you. 30 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:37,300 Katie, just relax, all right? She's a nice girl. You're going to make a very 31 00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,020 nice couple. Okay, okay, okay. 32 00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:42,660 Another hour or so, and I can get her out the door without you doing any 33 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,520 What? 34 00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:46,380 Damage? Come on, man. 35 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,640 What are you talking about? 36 00:01:47,820 --> 00:01:52,780 I tucked in my shirt, zipped up my fly, and this is the first beer I've had all 37 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:53,780 day. 38 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:55,100 Since lunch. 39 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,480 Don't judge me. 40 00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:00,419 Oh, man. 41 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:03,900 I just wish Cheryl weren't upstairs on bed rest so she could be down here to 42 00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,200 keep an eye on you. Don't worry about it. She took care of everything. 43 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:11,360 She knows I'm not so good with the niceties, so she made me a 44 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:12,360 cheat sheet. 45 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,360 Check it out, huh? 46 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,360 Don't tell them you have a cheat sheet. 47 00:02:45,580 --> 00:02:48,900 I would like to take this moment to compliment something you're wearing. 48 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:57,780 What you got there, hoes? 49 00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,180 They're tight. 50 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:04,600 And they're fantastic! 51 00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:07,300 He's not normally like this. 52 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,680 Well, he is, but it's easier when Cheryl's around. 53 00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:21,510 Where do you stand on religion and politics are totally off limits? 54 00:03:27,070 --> 00:03:30,110 Jim, are you reading questions off of a cheat sheet? 55 00:03:30,990 --> 00:03:31,990 No. 56 00:03:32,950 --> 00:03:34,910 It's okay. We can just talk. 57 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,870 You're being ridiculous. 58 00:03:43,610 --> 00:03:45,190 Spit that out. 59 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,270 Shut it up! 60 00:03:57,250 --> 00:04:01,990 Cheryl thought that having that would help during awkward moments. 61 00:04:02,670 --> 00:04:07,810 That's it. I'm going upstairs and I'm carrying her back down. No, it's fine. 62 00:04:07,990 --> 00:04:12,510 Jim, I really appreciate the effort. And when I meet Cheryl, I'll tell her that 63 00:04:12,510 --> 00:04:14,350 this went much better than it actually did. 64 00:04:15,980 --> 00:04:19,459 Oh, that is great. That is so great. Now I can just relax and be myself. 65 00:04:19,820 --> 00:04:21,279 Here, let me ask you something. 66 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,980 Now, you're a single mother, right? Yeah. Is it as awful as they say? 67 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:32,180 I think I can try this off pretty easy. Yeah, give it to me. I want that. Come 68 00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:32,979 on, I want it. 69 00:04:32,980 --> 00:04:34,840 Hey, Mom, Mom, guess what? 70 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,960 Ruby and Gracie listen to the Glitter Pop, too. They want to go to the concert 71 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,580 tomorrow. That would be so tight. 72 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,860 Oh, I'm so sorry. Hey, girls, I can't take you tomorrow. Andy and I are going 73 00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:45,860 an awards banquet. 74 00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:48,960 Yeah, Emily's being honored by the County Orthodontist Association. 75 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:50,700 It's the Oscars of teeth. 76 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:53,300 Isn't that great, Jim? 77 00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:57,620 Yes. 78 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,860 Congratulations on your honor slash award. 79 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:04,640 Thank you. 80 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,940 That's very kind slash thoughtful. 81 00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:09,520 Hey, listen, you know what? 82 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,300 Why don't I take the girls? 83 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,980 I mean, I'm going anyway. What's two more hysterical girls in the minivan? 84 00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:18,820 Wow, you would really do that? Sure. That's me talking, not the cheat sheet. 85 00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:22,980 I don't think Emily really wants you to do that. That really sounds like fun. 86 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,240 Yeah, good. All right. 87 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,120 You know what? I'll see if I can get tickets. Okay. 88 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,500 Mom, can we go listen to the CD? Oh, sure. 89 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:30,900 Yeah, wow. 90 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:32,920 Wow. Wow. Great. 91 00:05:49,789 --> 00:05:51,230 Jim, we haven't had dinner yet. 92 00:05:53,910 --> 00:05:54,910 Make dinner. 93 00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:58,450 Oh, I think this part is for you. Oh. 94 00:06:06,830 --> 00:06:08,830 So all the pots and pans are in there. 95 00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:17,690 Oh, hey, Kyle, you know what? I didn't even think to ask if you wanted to go to 96 00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:19,130 that Glitter Pops concert tonight. 97 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:23,160 Ride in a car full of screaming girls to see a concert full of screaming girls? 98 00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:24,740 Ha. 99 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:31,240 Oh, hey, Jim, I, uh... Kyle, you know what I saw? 100 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,740 There's a cupcake tree out in the backyard. 101 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,940 I'm not a moron. 102 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,360 Cupcakes grow on bushes. 103 00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:44,420 But just to be... 104 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:52,459 What's up? 105 00:06:52,460 --> 00:06:53,460 It's about the concert. 106 00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:56,440 I'm not comfortable with Emily's girls going tonight. 107 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,180 Why? If there's a problem, I'll be there looking after them. 108 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:01,960 Yeah. 109 00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:05,020 That's part of the problem. 110 00:07:06,020 --> 00:07:07,020 What part? 111 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,260 The part that's you. 112 00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:11,500 What? Great talk. See you at work. 113 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:12,940 Andy! 114 00:07:34,749 --> 00:07:40,530 I just think it's a bad idea for you to take Emily's girl to the concert. 115 00:07:41,010 --> 00:07:43,130 Bad idea? Come on, I'm a good parent. 116 00:07:43,510 --> 00:07:48,110 I took care of my two kids while Cheryl's been on bed rest this whole 117 00:07:48,110 --> 00:07:49,110 have three kids. 118 00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,910 That's even harder, Jim. 119 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,780 people there. It's a public place. We both know how you are. 120 00:07:58,340 --> 00:07:59,340 How I am? 121 00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:03,340 How I am? 122 00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:05,920 How I am? 123 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,560 No, Andy, I don't know how I am. 124 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,320 How am I? 125 00:08:13,180 --> 00:08:16,780 You took your kids to a Bears game and punched a Packers fan. 126 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,840 And punching a Packers fan is a criminal offense. Have me arrested. 127 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,260 You were arrested. 128 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,520 Come on, that was stadium jail. 129 00:08:26,980 --> 00:08:29,740 I missed the fourth quarter. I paid my debt to society. 130 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,280 You lost them for six hours at the dog track. 131 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,400 And Ruby hit the trifecta. 132 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,220 And we're still in touch with that family that found her and bought her 133 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,039 That's what I'm talking about. What are you talking about? Right there, man. I 134 00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:47,220 can't have Emily's kids come home talking about how they got in a high 135 00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:50,440 chase on the expressway because you thought you saw Coach Ditka. 136 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,280 That is not my fault. 137 00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:55,500 That woman had a very thick mustache. 138 00:08:58,940 --> 00:09:00,120 Have I proved my point? 139 00:09:01,260 --> 00:09:02,260 Come on, man. 140 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,840 You know what, Andy? I've proved your point. 141 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:11,100 You being my best friend, I'm going to do the right thing. 142 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,340 Oh, thank you. 143 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,440 Ruby! Hey. 144 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,080 I appreciate this. 145 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:20,860 What's up? 146 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:24,760 Listen, when you get Rebecca and Lauren on the phone, tell them we're going to 147 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,100 the concert. We're picking up at 7. 148 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,320 Sweet! 149 00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:32,560 What are you doing? I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm saving your relationship. 150 00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:36,500 If you're afraid of your woman, it's never going to last. Oh, God! 151 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:39,540 Oh, God! 152 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:45,220 You know what? I take care of other people's kids better than I take care of 153 00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:46,220 own. 154 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,460 I can't sue me. 155 00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:50,880 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 156 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,160 Andy, relax. 157 00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:55,060 It's three little girls. What can happen? 158 00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:57,720 Four! Four, four, four, four. 159 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,520 Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Are we all still here? 160 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,980 Right? All right, count off, count off. 161 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:13,020 Dad, we're all here, and we're late because you wouldn't pay for parking. 162 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,680 What, are you kidding me? Ten bucks for three hours? 163 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,740 When there was a perfectly good vacant lot 12 blocks away? 164 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:20,860 There were rats there. 165 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:22,960 There were squirrels there. 166 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:28,680 Okay. Now, let's go over Jim's master plan one more time. 167 00:10:29,140 --> 00:10:32,540 Go. We're wearing orange T -shirts so you can pick us out of the crowd. 168 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:36,740 Good. Go. We each have glow sticks so you can see us in the dark. Good. Go. We 169 00:10:36,740 --> 00:10:38,000 need you, we wave them in the air. 170 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:39,360 Good. Go. 171 00:10:39,980 --> 00:10:41,080 There isn't any more. 172 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:44,640 Very good. 173 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,780 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come back here. Come back here. 174 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,080 One more thing. 175 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:54,180 All right, you see that concession stand over there where the irresponsible 176 00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:55,820 fathers are drinking beer? 177 00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:58,860 Well, we should get separated. We should meet. 178 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,080 Meet. 179 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:02,880 Hey! 180 00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:13,920 My God, I haven't seen this much orange since I did my community service. 181 00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:25,370 So I can see you. 182 00:11:28,410 --> 00:11:29,810 I can see you. 183 00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:35,770 And now I can't see you. 184 00:12:07,950 --> 00:12:09,190 I told you that with too much ham. 185 00:12:09,950 --> 00:12:11,970 No, no, I'm fine. I'm just nervous. 186 00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:14,830 What if you don't win? What if your speech is bad? What if the kids aren't 187 00:12:14,830 --> 00:12:15,569 with Jim? 188 00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:16,570 What? 189 00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:20,250 They're totally safe. Yeah. 190 00:12:20,510 --> 00:12:22,250 Relax. Worry about your crappy speech. 191 00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:24,610 Oh, don't try to be funny. It's not your thing. 192 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,710 Can I get some more ham? 193 00:12:28,350 --> 00:12:32,690 Now, please welcome to the stage tonight's guest of honor, Dr. Emily 194 00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:07,350 I'm going through a tunnel. 195 00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:09,330 You're at a concert. 196 00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:10,670 Tell me what happened. 197 00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:12,450 Did you lose them? 198 00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:14,970 I did not lose them. 199 00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:17,450 I just don't remember what they look like. 200 00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:21,010 I mean, it's nothing but a sea of hair and braces. 201 00:13:21,970 --> 00:13:23,970 Oh my God, oh my God. 202 00:13:25,310 --> 00:13:27,010 Relax. Don't worry. 203 00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:29,290 They're here. I know they're here. 204 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,810 I mean, I guess it could be... 205 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,420 you staring at the shows on stage. 206 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:44,480 Um, 207 00:13:45,060 --> 00:13:50,100 if she asks where I went, uh, will you just tell her that I had an emergency 208 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,340 that had nothing to do with her kid. 209 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:39,140 Look, you want to say I told you so? Or do you want to say to Emily, I found 210 00:14:39,140 --> 00:14:40,500 your kids, they're safe and sound? 211 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,500 I want to do both. And I want some post -awards ceremony. Love it. 212 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,840 Hey, this band's pretty good. 213 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:52,680 Come on, come on. 214 00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:58,860 This one here, here. No. 215 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:00,940 This one here. 216 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:02,900 Well, 217 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:07,320 this is never going to work. Jim, we gotta be someplace where we can see 218 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:08,320 everybody. 219 00:15:55,150 --> 00:15:56,270 Please welcome special guests. 220 00:17:59,210 --> 00:17:59,949 Stop it. 221 00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:01,590 It's just embarrassing me. 222 00:18:01,930 --> 00:18:04,350 That means he wants us to tell him more. Thank you. 223 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:07,590 That was awesome. I can't believe he met the band. 224 00:18:07,850 --> 00:18:10,250 Hey, and not only that, we got banned from the arena. 225 00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,810 How many little girls can brag about that? 226 00:18:14,570 --> 00:18:15,570 You're the greatest. 227 00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:16,850 You're the worst. 228 00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:19,710 Did you really think you could ditch me on the way home? 229 00:18:19,950 --> 00:18:21,350 I wasn't trying to ditch you. 230 00:18:21,690 --> 00:18:23,170 We were chasing Coach Ditka. 231 00:18:25,910 --> 00:18:28,930 Girls, why don't you go in the kitchen and get some ice cream? 232 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,240 Thanks again, Dad. Oh, you're welcome. You were really fun. And you're a good 233 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,240 dancer. 234 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:37,540 Yeah, I just came back by to make sure you didn't lose him again on the way 235 00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,420 home. Now I've got to get back to Emily's dinner. 236 00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:42,500 Well, isn't that dinner over by now? Of course it's over! 237 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,280 Help me come up with a good line! 238 00:18:45,540 --> 00:18:49,060 Andy, honestly, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but why don't you 239 00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:49,899 tell her the truth? 240 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:53,480 Are you kidding me? She'll think I'm an idiot for being friends with you. You 241 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,260 are an idiot for being friends with me! 242 00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:07,960 speech and you just walked out uh well um the night my father died he was 243 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:12,120 supposed to receive an award and so i did you stay out of this all right all 244 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:16,300 right all right it's none of my business oh by the way emily i uh lost her kids 245 00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:20,800 briefly at the concert then andy freaked out and then we found him oh that 246 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,560 happened to me once the concerts are just a sea of hair and braces 247 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,280 Wait a second. You're not mad? 248 00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:36,980 Why would I be mad? 249 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,700 Well... You see, Annie, Emily accepts you warts and all. 250 00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:42,840 And I'm wart number one. 251 00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:44,960 But she can get used to that. 252 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,580 And eventually, maybe even enjoy it. 253 00:19:49,260 --> 00:19:50,260 Thanks, Jim. 254 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:51,900 I can take it from here. 255 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,760 Right. This has nothing to do with me. 256 00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:59,460 You know, this is about Andy and I, and there's something I really need to say 257 00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:00,460 to you, Andy. 258 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,560 agree with everything Jim just said. 259 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:12,400 Really? Because everything he said for me is exactly what I think. 260 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,540 So, should we hug or kiss or something? 261 00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:23,560 Well, Jim, what do you think? 262 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:32,380 Well, I think it might make Andy a little uncomfortable, but okay, I'm 263 00:20:32,380 --> 00:20:33,380 it. 264 00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:36,500 Jim, I think I got this one. 265 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,120 Andy? 266 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:44,300 Jim? 267 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,540 Oh! 268 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,200 So we're done here? 269 00:21:06,340 --> 00:21:08,020 Well, we haven't had dinner yet. 19436