All language subtitles for According to Jim s06e05 Good Grief

Oh, my gosh.

What? What happened?

Nothing.

We've just never seen you clean
anything.

Oh.

Well, Mommy's going to be home soon, and
I want everything to look nice, so come

on, give me a hand here. Let's make sure
this looks nice.

You know, Mommy's coming back from that
funeral, and she's going to be very,

very sad, so lots of hugs and kisses,
and I just put those in alphabetical

order.

Put that down.

Who was Uncle Donald again?

Uncle Donald was Grandpa's older
brother.

Remember the one who lost his finger
during the war?

Uncle Donald had a farm.

And on that farm, he had a heart attack.

But we don't want to talk about that
when Mom's around, all right?

Daddy, what happens after you die?

Well, people cry for a while, and then
they sell your clothes.

Okay, okay.

They're here. They're here. All right,
remember, what did we have for dinner

last few nights?

Pizza! All right, and what are we going
to tell Mom we had?

Salad! Broccoli!

Pizza!

Okay, if you don't say anything, just
give her a hug and go right to your

bedroom.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Mommy!

Hey, baby. How you feeling, all right?
Oh, okay.

Wow, look at how spotless the kids are
all.

What did you do? Send him to another
family for three days?

You know what? I'm exhausted. I'm going
to go lay down for a little bit. Yes,

yes. Come on. Go get Mommy's bags. Let's
go. Let's help her. Hey, honey.

What did you eat while I was gone?

All right.

Well, welcome back.

That funeral must have been rough, huh?
How are you feeling?

A little sad. Hey, want to play some
ping pong?

What? Ping -pong.

You know, get the blood flowing. I was
in that car for three hours. I'd smack

the egg around for a while.

Come on, you don't seem that broken up
about your Uncle Donald.

Wasn't a fan.

One Thanksgiving, when Andy was 12, he
asked Uncle Donald to pass the mashed

potatoes, and Donald said, Andrew, are
you sure that's such a good idea?

Grouchy old four -fingered fart.

That's why to this day, I never eat
mashed potatoes. You eat mashed potatoes

the time.

Yes, but I'm bitter about it.

I'm sorry you guys had a go -throw.
Honey?

Yes? Would you bring me some tissues?

I'm here for you, baby.

Anything you need. You want some water?
You want something to eat?

Wow. What do you mean, wow?

I've just never seen you this gentle and
kind before.

I wish more of our relatives would die.

I wish you would just leave.

Is there any more perfect food than
soup?

Warm nourishing helps you when you're
sick.

It's like your mom in a bowl.

That soup is for Cheryl, not for you.

Is there any more perfect food than
crackers?

Jim?

How are you coming with that soup?

It's almost done, honey.

I really appreciate it.

I'm here for you, baby.

Wow, look at you, Jimmy Homemaker.

Cooking, cleaning, got the kids all
organized.

If you're as good in the bedroom as you
are in the kitchen, you're quite a

catch.

I would rock your world.

Jim, would you put some of those
crackers I like in the soup?

I'm here for you, baby.

Hey. Hey, Dana.

Dana, let me ask you something. Oh, for
the last time, yes, it's Ryan's baby.

You know, how are you doing with this
grieving thing? Because Cheryl's having

hell of a time. Yeah, I know, and they
weren't even that close. I mean, I spent

whole summers on the farm. I remember
Uncle Donald used to make this blueberry

pie that was so good, and he'd say, come
on, eat up, skinny mini, put some meat

on those bones.

Son of a bitch.

Just give her a couple days. She'll be
fine.

Yeah. Hey, thanks for doing these.

These are your towels?

Yeah, well, you've been doing so much
laundry lately, I thought I'd flip them

in.

Hey, if you find any underwear your size
with lace on them, they're mine.

Jim, could you put some butter on those
crackers?

Andy, I don't know that much about
grief.

Because everybody that I've known that's
died, I didn't really care for.

But I heard that, you know, it takes
only about two weeks.

Where'd you hear that?

In my head. That's where I hear all the
stuff.

And you know what? Dana's over Uncle
Donald and Cheryl's not.

What's going on?

Why would she be?

He weighed on her hand and foot. She's
got the sweetest deal in Crybaby County.

What are you talking about?

Jim, she's faking this to work you.

No, Cheryl's not that devious.

She's been married to you for 15 years.

It rubs off.

Oh, please.

No, no, no. I never once rocked a
vending machine before I met you.

Now, I don't even carry change.

You don't carry change because I made
fun of your purse.

Come on.

Okay,

I'm out of line. Yes, she's too good.
You're damn right. Yeah, yeah.

She's probably just warning her dear
uncle that she hasn't seen since 1994.

Wake up, Jim.

Your little pixie has a dark side. Dare
I say evil side.

I was going through your mail when I
came across this travel brochure.

She's working you, my friend, so you
take her to Hawaii.

Say aloha to the real Cheryl.

Hawaii?

Come on, I can't even get her off the
couch a little on Hawaii.

I know.

Because she's so vewy, vewy sea -eyed.

Yeah?

The suit?

He's here for you, baby.

Well, if it tastes as good as it smells.

Not too hot, is it? Let me see.

Perfect.

What are you doing?

Having my lunch.

I thought that was for me.

Oh, no. Yours is on the stove.

Oh, and bring me some pudding and a
beer, will you?

What's going on?

You tell me.

Jim, why are you acting this way?

Acting? That's interesting.

Acting.

Make -believe.

Pretend. Faking.

Snow job.

Buffalo.

Baloney.

Bamboozle.

I know what you're up to, woman.

What are you...

The soup, the back rubs, the laundry,
making me watch Driving Miss Daisy.

You've been playing me pretty good,
Toots, but the game is over.

What game?

You are faking this grief over your
Uncle Donald to work me.

What?

How could you even think that?

Oh, boo -hoo.

Boo, freaking hoo.

Hey, you want to feel better? How about
a little trip to Hawaii?

I'm going to go back to Hawaii. My
little grass is shaking. Back, back,

back to Hawaii.

That's what you think this is? That's
what you think this is all about?

By the tone of your voice, I'm having my
doubts, but go on.

My Uncle Donald was a decorated World
War II hero. He saw hundreds of his

shipmates perish at Pearl Harbor. His
last wish was to have his ashes strewn

where they died.

I was hoping to make that possible.

There's a little soup left.

Eat it.

Pearl Harbor.

I didn't see that coming.

Hey, baby.

Hey, jackass.

Oh, we're talking. We're talking. That's
good.

Cute names. That's good, too. Cute
names.

Look, can I at least say something to my
defense?

Do you really think you have a defense?

Well, I have one up here.

But it may fall apart when it comes out
here.

All right. Remember, the last thing you
want to do is make things worse.

That's why I'm taking my time.

Okay.

So you're not working me.

But Dana seems to be over Uncle Donald.

And I understand that...

She was closer to him than you were.

So I was thinking...

Maybe

we could take a page from those brave
men who survived Pearl

Harbor and, you know, suck it up and
move on.

worse, haven't I?

Just to be clear, he actually used the
words, suck it up?

Yeah. Here's the scary part. That was
after giving it a lot of thought.

I'm telling you, in 15 years, I have
never been this mad at him.

Well, on the bright side, your sadness
has been replaced by anger.

Anger, fury, bitterness.

You know, I do feel better.

if you wanted to really feel better,
nah, forget it. What?

Well, it's because most people would
want revenge.

Oh, Dana, revenge is such an ugly word.

But it's the correct one.

Oh, oh, Dana, come on. You know me. I
could never

understand unless you explain further.

Okay.

Jim already feels so guilty, he would do
anything for you. So use your

imagination. Have fun. You could
really... Well, punish is an ugly word.

But it is the correct word.

Jim!

Do you think he heard you?

And thanks for calling me Jim.

You know that little deli that has the
corned beef I like?

In Milwaukee?

I think a sandwich from there really
picked me up.

I'll be back in four hours.

I have never been prouder of you.

When he gets home, I'm going to tell him
you forgot the potatoes.

I guess I'm going to cry.

I'm here for you, baby.

for you, baby.

What you doing?

The bereaved wants cocoa.

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe,
just maybe, Cheryl's laying it on thick

like this just to punish you?

Of course it's occurred to me.

I had to go to Iowa for ice cream.

Hold on it. This slave toady thing is
pathetic. You're like me with a new

girlfriend.

I can't call her on anything, never
again. What if I'm wrong?

If I'm wrong, I'll be doing nice stuff
till I die.

Hello.

My cocoa.

Almost done.

I can't take this anymore.

Her little games are gnawing at me like
a starving coyote ripping at my salty

thighs.

You are upset.

That's a hell of a metaphor.

I want revenge, but I'm stuck.

I don't have a move.

Spittin' her cocoa.

What?

Spittin' her cocoa. It's perfect.

What are you, crazy?

Trust me. It'll make you feel a whole
lot better.

I do it all the time at work.

You work with me. I know what you're
thinking. Let's stay focused on Cheryl.

I'm not going to spit in my wife's
cocoa. Take it from a man who's often

and always powerless.

Do it, Jim.

Do it.

Jim? Jim?

Odorless.

Colorless.

Here's your hot cocoa, dear.

Be careful.

It's very hot.

You're having a hard time right now.

And I'm no judge of the grief process,
but I'm really beginning to hate you.

What?

I just spit in your cocoa.

What? I know. It surprised me, too.

What the hell is going on?

I just feel like, you know, you're still
working me.

Well, I am working you.

You're what?

Yeah, Toots, and you deserve it.

Aha!

Yo, yo, you are so far from an aha. Ah,
mister.

What do you mean I'm on the corner of ah
and ha?

No, Jim.

No, you're not.

You know, you haven't understood what
I'm going through from the beginning.

My Uncle Donald was my dad's big
brother.

I caught my first fish with him and my
dad.

They taught me how to ride a bike.

I sat between them when I was too afraid
to ride on the Ferris wheel.

And, you know, those are just three of
about a thousand memories.

You know, I'll get through the rest as
fast as I can.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, it's sad, Jim. It's just sad.

I know, I know.

I mean, look at her. She's obviously
really feeling this. She's so upset

now. I just blew the whole thing.

Not that.

Uncle Donald didn't take me fishing.

I never rode a Ferris wheel.

I just wanted mashed potatoes. Is that
so wrong?

I made some new hot cocoa for you.

100 % spit -free.

I'd have done the same thing.

Followed by that.

Mind if I join you?

You know, I was thinking about your
Uncle Donald and how it

reminded me about your dad and what a
great guy he was.

He was the best.

Yeah.

And I also thought about when your dad
died, it seemed like he got

over it so quickly.

I had to.

My mom completely lost it. The kids were
babies. I had to be there for Andy and

Dana.

No, no, no, I remember.

That's why I didn't understand why you
got so upset over Uncle Donald.

And then it hit me that all those
stories you were telling about Uncle

included your father.

So then I thought, well, maybe you were
thinking about your dad, too.

And you're doing now what...

you didn't get to do back then.

Why don't you drink some of that hot
cocoa before it gets cold?

Would you do me a favor?

Anything.

Would you sip from both of them?

Seriously, do it.