All language subtitles for According to Jim s04e16 The Wedding Dress

Here you go.

Jim, would you zip up Kyle's jacket,
please?

I'm right in the middle of a very
important sandwich.

All right, come here, my young man.

Mommy, do you have a swimming space?

I do, I do. I have the carrot for his
nose, the cookies for his eyes, and what

happened to the licorice for his mouth?

Now, remember, take the snow off the
driveway, not the lawn.

You can't make the kids shovel the
driveway for you.

Cheryl, they're a little young to use a
snowblower, don't you think?

He's right, Cheryl. They lose a finger
at this age, they'll always be afraid of

machinery.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Did you guys settle on a
China pattern for your registry?

Oh, we're so close. Yeah, after running
around all the entire city, we've

narrowed it down to ten patterns.

It's a Lindsmore pattern, one of them?
Nice!

And tomorrow we're spending the entire
day looking for a set of flatware.

Hey, Don.

You know what you need a set of?

Yeah, Jim.

You've done that joke before. Many
times.

I want to show you this article I found
on bridal hairstyles. I'm thinking a

wavy half -up, half -down dupe with a
tiara. Oh, my God.

I just said the same exact thing to Ryan
in the car just now.

No way.

I had to turn down the game to listen.

Mother of Pearl Handel? From France? Oh,
yeah.

Jim, you look like a gun owner.

Will you please put me out of my misery?

You know what?

If you want to survive a marriage,
you've got to remember one thing.

There's always a way out. No matter what
the situation, there's always a way

out. You've just got to look for it. But
sometimes... There's always a way out!

And that is my wedding gift.

To you.

Don't respect anything else.

He's not kidding.

For my 30th birthday, he gave me, God
never gives you more than you can

I traded in for the lemons and lemonade
thing.

Sweetie, look at all these bridal
magazines Cheryl got for us. Well, thank

Cheryl. You must have gone to a freaking
bookstore.

I did. I did.

Okay, and here's our wedding album. It
is full of great ideas.

Wow. Hey,

I've been looking at cakes.

We have to have fondant icing.

I wanted to show you this picture.

Oh, darn. Look, I just got paged. Yeah,
I just got paged from the hospital

because I'm a doctor and they page
doctors and I just got paged.

Oh, shoot. All right. Well, I'm going to
go ahead and put post -its on

everything that I like and you can add
yours later.

Okay. I just hope I don't get paged
while I do it.

See ya.

Why is the word proof stamped across
every photo?

Because proof means free.

Hey, I don't pay for memories. I pay for
stuff.

Look at your wedding dress. It was so
perfect. I know, wasn't it? The lace and

the pearl. Remember how it folded up
into a buckle on the back? All I

is it took 45 minutes to get it off you.

That's nothing. Usually takes me five or
six dates.

And my fake law degree.

I just hope I can find something this
beautiful.

You know, it is good luck to wear
something borrowed on your wedding day.

What do you mean?

There's something I've been thinking
about, and now that you bring it up, I

just going to say it.

Why don't you wear my wedding dress?

Oh, my God.

You'll be okay with that? Are you
kidding?

I would be honored.

Oh, my God. I think I'm going to cry.

You want to try it on?

I can't work the ladder thingy. Would
you go up in the attic and get my dress?

Two weeks ago, the Bulls won the
championship.

Cheryl is my lucky charm.

Oh, never mind. I got to take that
wedding dress first. You deserve it.

I thought you did that like two weeks
ago.

It's still in my trunk.

I was going to take it, but I didn't.

But you told her you did. You think it's
okay to just lie to your wife? Ah,

relax. It's just this one time.

It's not like I'm going to ever do it
again.

Look at him. Reports now coming in that
riots have broken out. Oh, look.

Some poor guy's car's getting torn.

No, Lord, it's just a piece of crap.

That's my piece of crap!

My car is on fire!

My body -by -jig videos are in there!

Charles, what are you doing?

should know that it's rude to leave the
room when you're entertaining a guest.

Is he?

He's like furniture.

Still, Sarah, it would just be bad
manners to leave me here all alone.

Andy, can I interest you in sampling a
variety of canned cheeses?

I'm not hungry, but I could eat.

Have you thought about crab puffs for
appetizers? I've thought about nothing

else for the last three days.

out of this.

There's always a way out. We just gotta
think of something.

We?

No, I was a doe -eyed 19 -year -old with
a future full of dreams and a pretty

serious workout regimen until my faves
went up in flames.

You were with me, so you are officially
an accomplice. No way, man.

You were the one that was stuck with a
burnt dress, then put it in a box, and

then told your wife it was a perfectly
preserved wedding gown. Oh, what's this?

A bill. It's from the piper.

Stop dragging me down with you this
time. No way. I'm telling Cheryl. Come

Come here.

Come on. We've kept this lie alive for
14 years. There's no reason to throw it

out like you threw out your commitment
to fitness.

If I had those tapes six minutes a day
for 14 years, you know how cut I'd be?

Andy, you didn't think there was a way
out in 91, but I found it, didn't I?

Because there's always a way out, Andy.

Say it.

Say it with me.

There's always a way.

There's always a way out. That's right,
my good friend. So you don't worry about

a thing. I got it all figured out.

So what's the plan? I don't know.

It's got to be something to do with Dana
not wanting to wear the dress.

Or something.

Great plan.

Shall we synchronize our watches, Mr.
Bond?

Wait, you guys. What's going on? I'm
still waiting for you to get that dress

of the attic.

Come on, Dana. Cheryl's not here. She's
dropping the kids off at a play date.

You can drop the act.

What are you talking about? Oh, sis.

Come on.

We all love Cheryl, but she does have
her faults.

Come on, Dana, let's be honest.

It's really Cheryl's wedding, isn't it?

No, it's my wedding.

Right, right.

Because when you were a little girl, you
dreamt of wearing your sister's hand

-me -down on your big day.

You guys just don't get it. There's a
big difference between a hand -me -down

and passing on a family tradition. Yes,
you're right, you're right.

You know, a lesser person might think
that Cheryl was trying to relive the

of her own wedding through yours.

But...

You know.

What are you doing?

Well, I just thought it might be a
little chilly in your world living in

sister's shadow all the time.

Like when you had to wear her old
cheerleading outfit in junior high?

Or go out with her old boyfriend?

I guess Dana can't have anything new.

It's a shame, too, because you know
what?

I think you really deserve it.

I stopped by the shop where I got my
bridesmaid's dresses and I got fabric

samples.

Oh.

So you're not going to wear Dana's old
bridesmaid dress?

Of course not. I'm getting something
new.

Look at this.

Is this green beautiful?

What do you think, Dana? Cheryl
obviously loves it.

Huh?

Well, it's nice, but...

I was thinking more of a lavender.

No, you know, green is beautiful.

Come on, just go with me on this.

No.

What?

Well, it's my wedding, and I don't like
green.

You're wearing green. Well, I don't like
this.

Okay, whoa, whoa, calm down. Just relax
here, Dana.

You know what? Everybody would be much
happier if you just let Cheryl make all

the decisions.

Yeah, yeah. She's the oldest. She knows
best.

Cheryl, you've had your wedding, okay?
Let me have mine.

And, and... And what?

And I want to wear my own wedding dress.

Okay, wait a minute.

I thought you loved that dress.

Well, I did.

In 1991.

What? Well...

A little outdated.

I'm sorry.

I guess I thought you'd get married a
decade ago.

Well, that's just because I didn't marry
the first husky guy in a flannel shirt

to come along.

Okay. Remember, I am not the enemy.

Continue.

Okay. Are you saying that I pushed my
dress on you? Yeah, just like you're

pushing everything on me. Chicken or
fish? Chicken or fish? What is what?

suggesting you've made that makes any
sense. Well, and it's the last.

Thank you. No, no, no. You know what?
You know what?

Thank you.

Mission accomplished.

You know, Andy, it's like having dinner
theater in your own living room.

I can't believe that.

What? That was so stupid. I gotta go
talk to her. Wait, wait, what are you

doing?

Dana's right.

Dana's right. I really, I crossed the
line. I pushed my dress on her, and I

shouldn't have.

She doesn't want your wedding dress. She
wants her own. Just let her get it.

Yeah, you did everything you could.

You've been a good sister. You made a
very touching gesture.

But you know what? It was too big a
gesture. I need to pull everything back

offer her something smaller, like my
veil.

There's something you don't see every
day.

I

know,

I get it. You're excited about the
wedding.

No, no, no, Cheryl. Now we're just mad.
Yes, mad as hell.

You can't give her that feel.

feeding a monster.

What do you mean?

Cheryl, your sister, Dina, is selfish.

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah. What about the
time that she started dating your old

boyfriend in high school? Did she even
bother to ask you how you felt about

that? No. No! No!

Listen, I don't want to be the one to
influence your thinking, you know?

No, I really was just trying to help.
Damn right you were, honey.

She's just...

She's spoiled.

Always has been. You should cut the
cord, honey. Yeah, you'd be a fool not

See?

Cheryl, a man like me doesn't think.

He knows.

You know what?

You're right.

You're right. You know what? I wouldn't
give her that dress now if she begged me

for it. Atta girl.

That's right, baby. You're calling the
shots now.

Mission re -accomplished.

out of my magazine?

Oh, uh, secrets for a successful
wedding. It's for my someday file.

It's a really great way to keep your
goals organized.

Until, of course, they're refiled into
the one called pipe dreams.

Hey. Hey.

What brings you by?

I'm going with green.

Just like you said.

But you hate green.

But I love you.

I love you, too.

I'd be honored to wear your wedding
dress.

Jim,

you're missing a special moment.

Are you sure you want to wear my dress?

I wouldn't want to wear any other dress.

Jim, seriously, right now!

What? What's going on? Look at this.
Dana and Cheryl have made up, and now

wants to wear the dress.

Let me see how foolish this whole
argument was.

Oh, he did!

Well, good for you, Ryan!

Come on, I'm going to put on some
coffee, because I need to talk to you

centerpiece. Oh, and if we have time,
can we talk about linens? Well, for

linens, I'll make time.

What the hell did he do?

I took your advice.

We're in the store looking at shoes, and
I'm standing there thinking, you know,

I could jab this heel in my eye. Yeah,
it'd kill me, but not quick enough.

Then all of a sudden I heard your voice
saying, there's always a way out.

There's always a way out. Just the voice
or floating head?

Floating head. Yeah, I get that. At
least once a week.

Well, look, they're going to be in there
for hours. I'm going to go catch a

movie. Thank you so much. A really, wow.

It's just, I, you know.

Wow.

No, I'm going to kill him. I'm going to
kill him.

Hey, I got a better idea.

Next time, instead of free advice, you
might want to give someone a real

present. Shut up.

Gotta be way out of this.

We gotta figure out what we need. That's
all. What do we need?

I don't know. Maybe go in, tell Cheryl
the truth. The truth?

No!

We need a wedding dress is what we need.

So, we gotta get a wedding dress.

And where do you get a wedding dress?

I'm serious. Where do you get a wedding
dress?

Yes, you can.

I'm looking for a wedding dress that
looks just like this.

Um, sorry, we don't have anything like
that.

Sorry. Sure, I mean, I've been looking
all over town. Do you have anything even

close? Jim, hey, I think I got it. We
take the top from this one, the sleeves

from this one, and the bottom from this.

I think it'll work.

Okay, we need it in about five minutes.

All right, all right, 30 minutes, we can
catch a bite.

Sir, we don't really sell our gowns in
part.

But we could custom make you a gown like
your photo.

Hey! Cool!

What's that run, a couple hundred bucks?

Try about $5 ,000.

Uh,

I'm a member of Triple A.

We're just going to have to break them
up.

That way there'll be no wedding.

For the love of God, Jim, I'm not
sleeping with my sister.

Hey, where were you guys?

We were just driving around talking
about our hopes and dreams.

Oddly, my dream was coming home and not
getting a third degree.

I'm sorry, honey, but Dana is waiting to
try on the dress. Yes. Can you go get

it, please? The dress, the dress, right,
the dress. I'm going to go get it right

now. Just call me Johnny Dressgetter.

are you talking about?

You got a box full of ashes. It's over,
dress getter. We're screwed.

We are not screwed.

You see, that's the difference between
evil genius and a common liar.

You stand back, watch the master.

By the time I get upstairs to that
attic, I will have come up with a way to

out of this.

There's no way out.

There's no way out.

There's no way out.

Jim?

What are you doing out there?

Can't tell you.

Is that my wedding dress?

Yes.

Can I have it?

No.

Why?

Can't tell you.

Is it because you don't want Dana
wearing it? Yes.

Why?

Can't tell you.

Is it because it's my dress and it won't
be as special if someone else wears it?

Yeah, that's good.

I mean, that's really good that you
figured it out without me having to tell

you.

I had no idea you felt this
passionately. about this? Well, you

No one ever asked me anything in the
house.

I'd rather torch this dress and have
someone else wear it.

Look at me.

It's so sweet.

I'll tell you what.

We are going to put this dress away and
never talk about it again.

Never ever?

You know, just when I think I know you,
I don't know you. I know.

I surprise myself sometimes.

Looks like another sunny day today.

Lately, they've all been sunny.

Mommy? Yeah? I have a question.

Sure. When I get married, can I wear
your wedding dress?

There's nothing wrong with just living
with a guy.