All language subtitles for According to Jim s02e21 Bo Diddley

Hi, Daddy. Hey, baby.

What are you and Gracie been doing?

Nothing. Friend story.

Oh, yeah? You girls are being so good.
Mommy's going to be so proud of you.

Come on, Ruby.

The forest berries are coming back. It's
a blueberry king.

Love you.

Hello. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey. How was the dentist?

Fine. Great, no problem.

She tried to bite him.

Cheryl, you've got to get over this
phobia with the dentist.

You're one to talk. You are terrified of
spiders.

Yeah, that's different.

Dentists can't hide in your shoes.

Yeah, well, I'm just glad it's over.

No, it's not, Cheryl. You still keep up
a... It's me on the root canal, Ray.

Oh, wait a minute.

You gotta have a root canal?

Yeah, but I'm not going to do it, and I
don't care if all my teeth fall out. Oh,

come on, Cheryl. If that happened,
people would be saying, what's he doing

her?

And I would just throw things off.

Come on, Cheryl.

The dentist said he'd put you under.

No, but... Come here. Come on. Come
here. Sit down.

Listen.

This time, I'll go with you. You will?

Yeah. Will you hold my hand?

I will hold your hand the whole time.
And you know what? I'll have Andy drive

so I can hug you all the way home.

Oh, honey, that is so sweet.

Baby, you can count on me.

Oh.

Look, Mommy, it's the Blueberry King.

Well, I'm going to leave them in your
capable hands.

Mr. Engel screws up and accidentally
leaves something in my mouth.

I hope it's a DVD player.

What? I was trying to lighten things up
a little. Oh. Plus, I broke the DVD

player.

You ready, Cheryl?

No, no. You know what? No, no.

I'm not. I gotta go. There's something
wrong at home. Cheryl, Cheryl. You're

a mother! You don't know!

I will, honey. I'll hold your hand the
whole time. I promise. Now, just relax.

Okay. Relax.

Okay. There you go.

Okay.

It's not working.

No. No, it's not working. Give it a
chance, Cheryl. No, I think this was

Oh, baby.

Okay, she's sleeping now.

Jim, you're never going to believe this.
I was in the pharmacy buying pork rinds

and a home cholesterol test, and guess
who I ran into?

None other than the great Bo Diddley.

Both diddly?

You're serious? Yeah, yeah, I talked to
him. Told him we had a blues band. You

did not.

Hey, he's waiting for his daughter
downstairs. You want to meet him? Meet

want to have us babies.

Hey, Doc, give me some mouthwash.

Promise Cheryl

I'd stay with her.

If only you'd put in a clause. about
running into famous blues legends.

You don't think about those things.

Hey, wait a minute.

Technically, I don't have to be here
because she's out, right?

And the world we live in doesn't exist
to her right now.

For all you know, in her world, she's
getting nasty with Russell Crowe.

And she's using my hand.

How long is she going to be out? Two
hours.

Cheryl?

Cheryl?

I peed in the bushes.

Your thighs look really fat today.

Oh, yeah, she's out. Let's go.

Oh, how cool.

Excuse me, Mr. Diddley? Bo?

What's up, Slim?

He's named me. Oh, this is Jim. He's the
harp player in my band.

European? I don't ask for much. Just
give me this.

All right, all right.

It's not his band. It's mine.

Wow.

What happened there?

Ingrown toenail, and the pain is ugly,
man.

You gonna write a song about it? Now,
why should I do that, huh?

Hello, Bose listeners.

What's up?

Don't worry about it, baby girl.

Bo will get a taxi.

Bye.

Everything all right?

No.

Baby girl's kids got sick today at
school, and she can't pick me up.

Would you guys flag Bo a taxi?

Where does Bo live?

About ten minutes from here.

Ten minutes? I mean, that's nothing.

You don't have to take a taxi. We'll
give you a ride.

Oh, you'd do that for me, Hartfield or
Dill?

Just name me.

Hartfield or Dill. What do you mean?
What about Cheryl? Oh, please, Cheryl.

on, she's up there sharing a cigarette
with Russell Crowe right now.

Look, it's 20 minutes.

She'll be out for another hour and a
half.

Come on, Mr. Dillard, let's go.

Oh, man, I've been a big fan. Andy,
Andy, where are you going? Oh, I'll meet

out front. I'm going to exchange this
cholesterol test for more pork rites.

Okay, you know, my band is a really
great band.

I'm the harp player, of course, and I'm
the singer. I have all kinds of... Come

in, let me get that for you.

That's a pretty good lunch there, Flew.

Sorry it took me three times to melt the
cheese the way you like it.

Bull don't like the bubbles.

All right.

Your fish are fed, plants are watered,
your laundry is in the dryer, Mr.

Diddley. You didn't put my undies in
there, did you?

No, no, no. I hung them over the shower
rod like you asked me.

Don't worry. Sorry, but we got to get
going.

Well, I guess the dishes can wait till
morning.

Bo does have a problem with ants.

Okay.

Oh, great. Cheryl's still under.

Wow. Bo sure can't talk, huh?

What did I tell you?

No matter what it says on a bumper
sticker, don't ask about their

Sorry. That Lamont sounds like a real
pistol.

Oh, Cheryl, I am here for you.

How long were we gone?

Where's Cheryl?

She's in the other office recovering.

Don't worry. She's going to be fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Was she

No, but she should be coming out of it
just about now.

Cheryl. Cheryl.

Is there a boy, Ginger? Is there a boy
we can stop?

Honey, you had a root canal, and the
doctor said it went great.

I had a root canal and a baby?

You just had dental surgery.

Oh, oh, yeah, honey.

And I never could have done it if you
weren't with me the whole time.

That's because I was with you the whole
time.

Yeah.

I could feel you.

And I could feel you feeling me.

It's like we're one person.

Well, honey, that's what it feels like
when you marry the perfect guy.

Good job.

Honey, would you hand me that water?

I'm really thirsty.

Here you go, baby.

Sure, you're a little numb. Sure.

Oh, that really hit the spot.

So, is your mouth still sore? It's not
so bad. You know what?

I couldn't have done it without Jim.
He's not really there for me. Do you

he held my hand the entire time?

Yeah. Now I kind of feel bad about lying
down in front of your wedding limo.

Oh, thank you.

What's that from?

Oh, I'm guessing a pretty terrific guy
wishing me a speedy recovery.

What's that?

Huh?

Heart player Jim.

yesterday afternoon and doing my
laundry.

Bo Diddley. P .S. Tell Slim the tuna
melt was Bo -licious.

But yesterday afternoon... Bo Diddley?
Jim met Bo Diddley? Well, but how could

he do that? He was with me.

Oh, my God.

Jim abandoned you while you were
unconscious.

And he did laundry.

Daddy's home. Release the doves.

Oh, honey, I'm so glad you're home.

I have a special treat for you.

Are you wearing it under there?

No.

What's that?

Look at this, Tom.

Wow, look at that.

Look at that chocolate truffle.

Brie?

Honey, if you really wanted to thank me,
a case of beer and some snow tires

would have done the trick.

Read the note.

Oh, girls with their cards.

I know.

You know what, honey? I love you so much
that

when I'm through with this, I'm going to
give you the basket.

Why did you leave me there alone?

Oh, honey, it was Bo Diddley. Come on.

You were completely out. You didn't even
know I was gone. But that doesn't

matter. I need to know that I can count
on you to follow through, even if I'm

not going to find out.

Oh, come on. We let it from my position
for a minute, all right?

What if you had an opportunity to hang
out with some famous housewife?

Huh? Yeah, like who?

Like, like,

like, I don't know. I can't help it if
I'm your whole universe. Oh.

Oh.

We're crying out loud. It's no big deal.

All right? It's a once -in -a -lifetime
thing. It's never going to happen again.

Like that time I made that beer
milkshake.

I don't believe you. Honey, you were
there. I was foaming from both ends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. I
remember. I remember. And I was there

the whole time, no matter how disgusting
you got.

Because that is...

Yes, you are like that. Yes, and
apparently you're not that kind of

that kind of person.

Well, I guess time will tell.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

You don't even know me.

You're eating the chocolates, aren't
you?

We're going to be back about 11.

Okay. Mommy?

Yeah? Can we come to the movies with you
and Aunt Dana?

Oh, no, baby. It's a grown -up movie.

Do they say bad words?

Do they say stupid?

Do they say shut up?

Do they say S -E -S?

No, sweetie. Actually, it's just a movie
where people talk about their feelings.

If nothing blows up, it ain't a movie.

All right, my loves. Be good.

Oh, and honey, when the kids go to sleep
tonight... Yes? Can you stay here?

Oh, I'm sorry. This came from you.

Love you.

Love you.

Hey, Jim. Yeah? Found out a way to make
popcorn in man -sized portions.

The dryer.

Hey, hey, check this out. Look at this.

VIP tickets, backstage passes for Bo
Diddley at the Kingston Mines tonight.

cool is that?

Wow, from the man himself.

Wow. Does it say anything about free
food?

This popcorn tastes a little linty.

Wait a minute.

I know what this is about.

She is so obvious.

What are you talking about?

She's setting me up.

Come on, out of the blue, she's going to
the movies?

And these tickets just happen to show
up? Are you saying this is a setup?

Yes, Andy, that's what I said, and I
explained it.

I can't believe her. She actually thinks
I'm going to ditch the kids to go to

this thing so she can catch me not being
there for her.

Yeah, but what if Cheryl had nothing to
do with these tickets? Maybe they really

are from Bo. I mean, you hand -washed
the guy's underpants.

We're talking about Cheryl here.

She's got nothing to do all day but plot
against me.

I'm not going to fall for it.

You know, maybe she doesn't spend all
her time plotting.

I mean, this house is pretty clean.

All right, let's go.

No, wait a minute. This is a trap.

We're staying.

It's Bo Dudley!

We're going!

No, that's exactly what she wants me to
think. We're staying.

We're going, aren't we? Yep, let's go.

What about Maisie and Daisy here?

Oh, Marilyn, thank you for coming over.
What's the emergency?

Oh, I have to get to the hospital ASTP.

It seems like Andy, he just keeps
falling down.

Oh, baby, here it comes.

Oh, my God.

What happened to him? I don't know.
Apparently a beetle crawled into his

It's eating my brain.

Look at that.

Oh,

Marilyn, I hate to do this to you, but
can you watch the kids, please?

Oh, I can hear it chewing.

get a picture with me and the beetle.

I looked all through the club, Jim. Even
the ladies.

Every stall.

Wouldn't believe the attitude I got in
there.

Cheryl is definitely not here.

What's your game, blondie?

What's your game?

I got to tell you, I don't think there
is a game. I really think she went to

movies.

Maybe you're right.

That's the game.

Trust.

She trusts me. That's the game. See, and
obviously I'm untrustworthy, right?

Cheryl, trust me too much.

with this but there's something inside
me that's just stopping me you mean

guilt i don't know what the medical term
is i just i just can't do the

wrong thing come on now no i don't know
what it is beat yourself up you tried to

do the wrong thing

Go home?

Yeah.

Hey.

You know, you see Bo, tell him hi from
our player, Jim.

If it comes out.

That's him!

The weirdo from the ladies' room!

Oh, honey.

What a great movie.

Meryl Streep plays this deaf woman, and
she can only speak in sign language, and

I've lost her already, haven't I?

Cheryl, what are you doing to me here?

What?

You know that envelope you gave me?

Yeah.

It had tickets in it to the Bo Diddley
concert tonight at the Kingston Mines,

and you know what?

What? I went.

You what? I went, but you know what? I
couldn't go in. You know why?

Because you trusted me.

Wait a minute. You took our children,
our babies, into some smoky nightclub?

course not. I dumped them on Marilyn
Kranitz.

Oh, you are unbelievable.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't make
this about me. This is about you, baby.

Why is this about me?

Because you trusted me.

And because I love you so much, I had no
choice but to live up to it.

You wanted to do something wrong. You
couldn't do it, so now you're mad at me?

Yeah, now we're on the same page,
finally.

Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making
you a better person. Oh, oh, oh, I hope

you're happy, Cheryl. You took this wild
animal out of the jungle, put him in a

cage, and make him perform little tricks
in your suburban circus.

What?

That's not funny.

Suburban circus? Yes.

That's really funny.

It's kind of funny, I guess.

A little bit, but... What?

I'm not 100 % sure, but I think I might
be a little bit proud of you.

Really? Yeah.

Why? Well, I mean, honey, you didn't
completely do the wrong thing tonight.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait
a minute. I was half wrong.

There's still hope for me.

What's that all about?

That's the half of me that you'll never
tame.

Whether you're tall, short, or slim,
everybody listens to Hot

Player Jim. Yeah!

I'll play until he knows where it's at.

He don't care where you shot up at.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, get out of
here.