All language subtitles for According to Jim s01e15 Racquetball
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1
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Okay, my little friend.
2
00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:05,640
Meat sticks.
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00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,200
Mmm. You want some?
4
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:13,100
Come on.
5
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,160
Daddy loves them. Look.
6
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,480
Mmm.
7
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:19,440
So does Uncle Andy.
8
00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:20,940
Mmm.
9
00:00:24,380 --> 00:00:28,740
Mmm, these are pretty good. What else we
got?
10
00:00:31,190 --> 00:00:33,430
How does strained sweet potato sound?
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00:00:34,490 --> 00:00:35,910
Like a little bit of heaven.
12
00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:43,149
That's good.
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00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:45,650
This is so much easier than eating real
food.
14
00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:50,110
Hey, you know what? I got some pizza in
the refrigerator.
15
00:00:50,690 --> 00:00:52,270
Think we should try to put it in a
blender?
16
00:00:54,330 --> 00:00:55,670
I do enjoy pizza.
17
00:00:57,050 --> 00:00:58,690
You get the blender, I'll get the pizza.
18
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,440
We're going to need some toppings. Show
everybody.
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Pizza
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smoothie.
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00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:19,380
That was a dumb idea.
22
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Everything was fine until you threw the
ham in.
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00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:29,860
Did you guys burn something?
24
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Blender motor.
25
00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:33,940
Don't ask.
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So, how was the gym?
27
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Oh, it was great.
28
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You know, Dana and I were going to take
a spinning class, but it was full, so we
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00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:42,720
played racquetball. I haven't played in
years. What a great workout.
30
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,440
Did you sweat in that little curvy spot
in your back?
31
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:47,680
Yeah.
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Everyone in our family does.
33
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Well, that's over.
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00:01:57,820 --> 00:02:00,080
Hey, you know, you should start going to
the gym again. No.
35
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Aerobics class.
36
00:02:04,110 --> 00:02:06,550
We call ourselves the Aquamaniacs.
37
00:02:07,490 --> 00:02:09,110
Isn't there a bunch of old people in
there?
38
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Yeah. We lost Maude last month.
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Now I'm the best.
40
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:22,150
You know what? I don't need to go to the
gym. I have my exercise tape.
41
00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:24,930
That's not an exercise tape. It's a
dirty movie.
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00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:30,270
Why is it so dirty when six women just
love each other?
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00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:36,090
Even if I had gotten to modern time,
there's really nothing I could have
44
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:40,870
Hey, you know what? Why don't you play
racquetball with me tomorrow? I already
45
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:42,270
booked the court and Danny can't make
it.
46
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,230
Neither can I. Why not?
47
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:50,430
Well, if you must know, I've scheduled
some quality time with the children.
48
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:54,530
I mean, you know, those cars don't get
waxed by themselves.
49
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:57,090
All right.
50
00:02:57,150 --> 00:02:58,510
Time with the children?
51
00:02:59,770 --> 00:03:00,770
Something's going on.
52
00:03:02,380 --> 00:03:04,080
Are you worried that I'm going to beat
you?
53
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:06,440
No.
54
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,160
You are. You're scared.
55
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,020
Yeah, scared of being bored for two
hours.
56
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,440
Oh, no, you didn't.
57
00:03:18,940 --> 00:03:22,960
What are you talking about?
58
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:24,300
Oh, come on, Cheryl.
59
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:30,920
Sports are for competing. Competing with
girls is not a sport. It's foreplay.
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There's no other reason to play.
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00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:38,020
What about spending time together?
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00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:40,340
Well, that's what we're doing right now.
63
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:43,980
You are so patronizing.
64
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,380
Do I need to remind you that I've
already beaten you at racquetball?
65
00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:51,240
Oh, wait a minute. Cheryl beat you in
racquetball? No.
66
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:57,720
No, I'm sorry. That's right. I didn't. I
didn't. I destroyed him. I mopped the
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00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:58,719
floor with him.
68
00:03:58,720 --> 00:03:59,900
Cleaned his clock.
69
00:04:00,380 --> 00:04:01,740
Toasted his onion.
70
00:04:13,610 --> 00:04:16,470
My sweet, innocent, beautiful young
wife.
71
00:04:16,829 --> 00:04:18,130
You didn't beat me.
72
00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:19,730
I let you win.
73
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:25,950
Oh, there is no way you threw that game.
Why would you even do that?
74
00:04:26,410 --> 00:04:27,450
For the sex.
75
00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:35,310
What? Look, we were at a very important
part of our relationship.
76
00:04:35,530 --> 00:04:36,850
I wasn't getting any.
77
00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:43,770
I'm thinking, well, I'm going to beat
her at racquetball, make her cry, make
78
00:04:43,770 --> 00:04:45,450
really sad, bum her out.
79
00:04:45,690 --> 00:04:47,910
Then, for sure, I wasn't going to close
the deal.
80
00:04:49,130 --> 00:04:50,390
Close the deal?
81
00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:52,190
You know, make love.
82
00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:59,630
No. No? There is no way you let me beat
you. No? No. You remember this?
83
00:05:01,030 --> 00:05:02,270
Oh, gee, Cheryl.
84
00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:05,530
Wow, that was a great game you played.
85
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,330
Wow, you're really strong.
86
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:09,880
powerful woman.
87
00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:16,680
That's important. That's important to me
as a man.
88
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:25,100
I just want you to know that if anybody
was going to beat me, I'm sure glad it
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00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:26,100
was you.
90
00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:27,900
And then the vulnerable look.
91
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:38,800
your little secret.
92
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,900
And you know what? Remember our fourth
date when I cooked you dinner?
93
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:44,640
I knew you didn't make those egg rolls.
94
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,400
Didn't even know to walk.
95
00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:52,600
All right, all right. You think you're
so hot? I am hot, baby.
96
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,280
Then there's only one place to settle
this. In the bedroom?
97
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,220
A racquetball court. Ooh, you have a
better shot in the bedroom.
98
00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:11,450
Can we take your car tomorrow?
99
00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:15,030
Why can't I take your car? I don't mind.
That light went out of my car again. I
100
00:06:15,030 --> 00:06:16,030
don't want to drive it.
101
00:06:52,750 --> 00:06:53,750
Let's be good sports.
102
00:06:54,610 --> 00:06:55,610
Please?
103
00:06:59,190 --> 00:07:01,170
All right. All right. Thank you.
104
00:07:01,490 --> 00:07:02,930
Okay, thank you. You too.
105
00:07:04,210 --> 00:07:08,490
You know, I just can't wait till this is
over and I'm showering with the other
106
00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:12,450
girls, soaping our bodies, and giggling.
107
00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:15,510
Knock,
108
00:07:19,130 --> 00:07:21,890
knock. Who's there? I kicked Jim's ass.
109
00:07:25,580 --> 00:07:26,580
in the car.
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00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,060
next to the map of Spinster's Corner.
111
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:02,360
Guys,
112
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I think I hear the baby crying.
113
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:06,360
But Kyle's upstairs asleep.
114
00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:08,360
Oh. Then it must be Jim.
115
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:13,619
You're cute.
116
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,720
That's why I married you. You're cute.
But you know what?
117
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:20,120
You are a bad winner because I almost
beat you. I was this close to beating
118
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,120
I was leading most of the way.
119
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,340
It's no big deal. You've lost before.
120
00:08:23,860 --> 00:08:24,860
Yeah, basketball.
121
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,380
I've seen you lose a lot.
122
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,720
Cool. Darts. Okay, all right, all right.
123
00:08:32,039 --> 00:08:34,400
Look, that's way different. That's with
guys.
124
00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:37,840
I mean, it's not the same thing losing
to a girl. Hey.
125
00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:40,080
No, I mean it. It's true.
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00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:45,700
You know, men are bigger and stronger
than women. Men shouldn't lose to women.
127
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:48,180
mean, except for maybe in a dishwashing
contest.
128
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:54,460
Or maybe in mud wrestling or jello
wrestling. I mean, that's a good loss,
129
00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:58,260
know? You know, Jim, you're making some
really valid points here. Thank you. But
130
00:08:58,260 --> 00:09:00,120
all I'm hearing is wah, wah, wah.
131
00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:05,820
Look, I'm no scientist.
132
00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:07,140
What? No.
133
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:13,620
It is a biological fact. That's why no
woman has ever beaten a four -minute
134
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:18,820
mile. Or that's why in golf... The
ladies' tea is closer to the hole.
135
00:09:18,820 --> 00:09:21,140
they call it women's tennis and not
tennis.
136
00:09:21,740 --> 00:09:23,200
Oh, more so?
137
00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:26,120
Frustrating. Come on. You girls have
everything.
138
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,320
You do. You're better looking.
139
00:09:29,580 --> 00:09:31,540
You give birth.
140
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,080
You run companies.
141
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:38,440
You run countries. You can talk better
than us. You're smarter than us. You've
142
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,680
got everything. You're even killing your
own bugs now.
143
00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:46,470
is we lift heavy objects in sports.
144
00:09:47,190 --> 00:09:48,190
We have sports?
145
00:09:48,450 --> 00:09:49,570
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You got sports.
146
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,090
You can have your synchronized swimming.
147
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:57,970
And that thing in the Olympics where
they, you know, dance around with a
148
00:09:57,970 --> 00:09:58,970
on a stick.
149
00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:04,090
Which, by the way, is not a sport.
150
00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:08,930
What do you mean it's not a sport? Well,
call Vegas. Put a bet on it.
151
00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:18,320
I wouldn't even be able to look at you
if it wasn't for the fact that you got
152
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,460
beat by a girl.
153
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,600
You got beat by a girl.
154
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,740
You got beat by a girl.
155
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,680
You got beat by a girl.
156
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:33,660
Oh, thank you. Thank you. You finally
157
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:35,400
put that pompous jerk in his place.
158
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,580
Just a thought, but this would be a
great time to leave him.
159
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,780
just a victory for the women in this
family. Dana. This is a victory for
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00:10:45,780 --> 00:10:46,780
everywhere. Dana!
161
00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:48,020
What?
162
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,080
I cheated.
163
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,200
Please tell me you mean with another
man.
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00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:01,600
Hey,
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00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:08,180
guys.
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00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,870
Cheryl messed up. and got light beer, so
everybody should start off with two.
167
00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:18,490
What are you guys watching?
168
00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:20,370
You and Cheryl playing racquetball.
169
00:11:22,210 --> 00:11:23,210
Where'd you get that?
170
00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:24,389
From the gym.
171
00:11:24,390 --> 00:11:28,450
Yeah, they tape every activity to help
improve your form. It's really helped me
172
00:11:28,450 --> 00:11:29,450
with my butterfly kick.
173
00:11:32,010 --> 00:11:34,270
It'd be fun to watch it and tease you in
a mean way.
174
00:11:35,430 --> 00:11:38,750
Jim, you might want to think about
bumping up his thighs. You're really
175
00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:39,830
punishing that lycra.
176
00:11:41,510 --> 00:11:43,750
It looks like he's smuggling plums.
177
00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:47,470
All right, that's enough.
178
00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:49,290
Come on, we need to rehearse.
179
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,690
Wait a minute. What was that?
180
00:11:52,950 --> 00:11:54,510
What? Let's look at that again.
181
00:12:02,060 --> 00:12:03,820
This is my new favorite video.
182
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:07,080
And my wife's in it.
183
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,300
Hey, what's all this?
184
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:21,580
Well, just my way of showing you, you
know, how bad I feel about what I said
185
00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:22,580
you.
186
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:26,860
Look, I mean, this is really hard for me
to say.
187
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:29,920
But you beat me.
188
00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:32,070
Fair and square.
189
00:12:32,770 --> 00:12:37,090
And I was not a good sport about it. No,
no, it's no big deal. Forget about it.
190
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:41,470
Oh, I can't forget about it. It was
unforgivable. Come on, honey. I was
191
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:43,010
definitely a lout.
192
00:12:43,370 --> 00:12:45,710
Most assuredly not a gentleman.
193
00:12:48,290 --> 00:12:50,850
All right. You never talk this way in
the living room.
194
00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:53,070
What's going on?
195
00:12:54,130 --> 00:12:55,910
Nothing. I'm just conceding.
196
00:12:56,570 --> 00:12:58,330
I was hoping that maybe, you know...
197
00:12:59,010 --> 00:13:01,090
If you'd like, maybe we can watch a
movie together.
198
00:13:02,970 --> 00:13:05,450
I'm not watching Jack and His Excellent
Beanstalk again.
199
00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:10,530
It's not that kind of movie.
200
00:13:11,770 --> 00:13:13,830
All right. What kind of movie is it?
201
00:13:16,270 --> 00:13:18,410
I hear it starts out as a mystery.
202
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,990
And then when you find out what happens,
it's kind of funny.
203
00:13:29,070 --> 00:13:30,070
I hope it's romantic.
204
00:13:30,130 --> 00:13:32,710
Well, that depends how sorry the girl
is.
205
00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:39,430
What?
206
00:13:39,970 --> 00:13:42,550
This is us playing racquetball.
207
00:13:42,810 --> 00:13:44,230
Yeah. Where'd you get this?
208
00:13:44,470 --> 00:13:48,590
The gym. You know, they give you this
tape so you can analyze, you know, your
209
00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:53,670
game. Oh, no, no, I don't have to.
Honey, I thought you played great. In
210
00:13:53,670 --> 00:13:55,050
can't even believe I won.
211
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:56,870
No, no, no, no, no. Come on, honey.
212
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,420
Let's watch.
213
00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:02,260
Oh, here's my favorite part.
214
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,820
Now, notice my form, okay?
215
00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:10,000
Notice how I'm not looking at you
because I'm too busy trusting you.
216
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,240
You know, I need to go check on Kyle.
Kyle's fine.
217
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:20,040
Oh, here's my favorite part.
218
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,220
Well, look at that.
219
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:26,100
There you are, catching the ball.
220
00:14:26,810 --> 00:14:29,350
and throwing it as if you were hitting
it.
221
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:33,590
There you are, dancing around as if you
had won.
222
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:39,370
Again, I'm no scientist.
223
00:14:41,290 --> 00:14:47,910
But as a guy who's no scientist, I'm
thinking...
224
00:14:58,220 --> 00:15:01,520
And I feel really stupid about it. Now,
can we just let it go? Oh, no, no, no,
225
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,160
no, no, no. Hold on a second.
226
00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:07,940
Every time I screw up, we have to sit
down and have one of these feelings
227
00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:13,360
All right, but when you screw up, we
just want to let it go?
228
00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:16,040
No, I don't want to let it go.
229
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,260
I want to have a feelings talk right
now.
230
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:23,140
I want to say the things to you that you
say to me.
231
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:26,320
Look at me.
232
00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:37,430
What were you thinking?
233
00:15:40,550 --> 00:15:42,490
I am at the end of my rope.
234
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:47,090
Are you done? I can't breathe.
235
00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,610
I just wanted to get that in because I
didn't think I'd ever have a chance
236
00:15:58,610 --> 00:15:59,610
again.
237
00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:02,950
All right, we're even. Are you happy
now? No.
238
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:07,830
I won't be happy until I whip. You're
butting a regulation racquetball game
239
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:09,650
determined by a panel of independent
judges.
240
00:16:11,010 --> 00:16:12,970
Forget it. I'm not playing you again.
241
00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:14,730
Oh, no? Why, why, why?
242
00:16:14,950 --> 00:16:16,090
Oh, I get it. You're scared.
243
00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:20,790
Because you're a girl.
244
00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:25,330
I am not scared.
245
00:16:25,790 --> 00:16:27,210
Ooh, I'm Cheryl.
246
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:30,310
I just like to cook dinner and get
pregnant.
247
00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:45,910
for you, sister.
248
00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:48,630
No cheating!
249
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:52,910
Cheater!
250
00:16:55,190 --> 00:17:01,870
You know,
251
00:17:01,910 --> 00:17:04,329
I can't wait till this game is over.
252
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:08,430
Then I'm going to the sauna with a bunch
of sweaty guys and we're all going to
253
00:17:08,430 --> 00:17:09,430
be naked.
254
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:13,849
That's just weird, Jim.
255
00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:27,220
Ladies first.
256
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,180
Age before beauty.
257
00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:31,000
Beauty before beast.
258
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,180
You just insulted yourself, Jim.
259
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,400
Or did I?
260
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,860
It is to me because, of course, I won.
261
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:49,260
Me.
262
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,660
Moi. The guy.
263
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:53,860
El Huncho.
264
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,080
El Coyote. El Pollo Loco.
265
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:02,120
Why do you have to be like this? Like
what?
266
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,140
Like you.
267
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,460
Really? Think about it.
268
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:12,800
There's a kind of guy out there that you
could beat at racquetball all the time.
269
00:19:14,510 --> 00:19:16,130
But is that the kind of guy you would
have married?
270
00:19:17,370 --> 00:19:18,370
Huh?
271
00:19:18,530 --> 00:19:19,530
Oh.
272
00:19:21,030 --> 00:19:22,030
No.
273
00:19:23,070 --> 00:19:23,909
Thank you.
274
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:26,770
But, yeah, honey, I really don't want
you talking this way in front of the
275
00:19:26,770 --> 00:19:29,670
girls. I mean, I don't want them growing
up thinking that they shouldn't try
276
00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:32,730
their hardest at sports or school or for
a job.
277
00:19:32,950 --> 00:19:36,370
No, I don't want that either. I want our
girls to beat everybody at everything.
278
00:19:36,650 --> 00:19:38,910
Good. I just don't want girls to beat
me.
279
00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:45,089
of a double standard?
280
00:19:45,090 --> 00:19:47,650
No! It's a full -blown double standard.
281
00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:52,130
Oh, you are a piece of work.
282
00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:56,230
Of course, I knew who you were when I
first shaved you and taught you to
283
00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:00,470
Uh -oh, what happened to you guys?
284
00:20:01,130 --> 00:20:02,190
I won!
285
00:20:02,890 --> 00:20:04,670
Darn, I really wanted to do the dance
again.
286
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:17,350
She could have won, you know, and maybe
next time she will.
287
00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:21,130
But most probably the odds are in my
favor.
288
00:20:24,970 --> 00:20:26,010
Or hers.
289
00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:30,870
Apparently we're equal.
290
00:20:45,610 --> 00:20:46,750
Probably just have a bite of each.
291
00:20:50,190 --> 00:20:56,310
You know, if one of us had to win, I'm
sure glad it was you.
292
00:21:05,510 --> 00:21:07,930
You know, I think you're just saying
that to get me into bed.
293
00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:10,770
I'm no scientist.
294
00:21:13,550 --> 00:21:15,110
Why don't we go upstairs and find out?
295
00:21:15,430 --> 00:21:16,430
Yes!
20941
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