All language subtitles for According to Jim s01e08 The Turkey Bowl

Is that Bullwinkle?

How do they blow up those big balloons?

Wow. Fantasy number five. I can cross
that off my list.

You want to know my fantasy?

Mm -hmm.

You putting those groceries away?

Oh, I'll put them away as soon as you
make them into a meal.

All right, I hope I got everything here.

Oh, honey, cinnamon sticks. I
specifically said brown cinnamon.

Well, grind them up.

You can't just grind it up. You clearly
have no idea how cinnamon works.

Please don't tell the fellas.

Hey, Kyle, your first Thanksgiving.

All kinds of new foods you can throw up.

Happy Thanksgiving, all.

Oh, Andy, thank you.

Wow, look at this.

Marshmallows, graham crackers. I'm going
to make a turkey s'more.

Then you wonder why your pants don't
fit. That's because you leave them in

dryer way too long.

Give me a look at my hand turkey.

Wow, that is the turkiest hand I've ever
seen.

Daddy, you and Uncle Landy are twins.

Yeah, what's with the bowling shirts?

Well, uh... I don't know.

It's just fun.

fun thing.

Jim? Yes, Cheryl?

Are you and Andy going bowling?

Yes, we are, Cheryl.

We're going to recreate the first
Thanksgiving.

Where the Indians and the Pilgrims
bowled together.

You know, honey, I need you here.

to carve the turkey, and we're going to
do a photo for the Christmas card.

And you know what? It is Kyle's first
Thanksgiving.

I know, honey, but this is a Toys for
Tots charity thing. It's a bowl -a

and I gotta go. I gotta go. I just gotta
go. You don't even have a toy!

You're never too young to learn about
giving.

And you know what, Cheryl? Besides that,
you should be thankful that we're

going. I mean, you know, you gotta focus
on your cooking. You don't need all

this distraction.

You know, last year the turkey was a
little dry.

Thank you, honey. You know, you're right
about those distractions.

Girls, you want to go bowling with Daddy
and Uncle Andy?

Yay!

That turkey better be moist.

See you later.

Come here, Gracie.

Now, I got...

Four out of a possible ten, so I put
down four.

You only got four?

Yeah, four's not bad.

Actually, four's pretty good.

Are you going to cry, baby?

Are you?

Hey.

Gracie, never talk to your Aunt Andy
like that.

Uncle Andy, Uncle Andy.

Go ahead, honey.

All right, everybody happy?

Gracie, Gracie, Gracie.

Come here, sweetheart. Let me help you
here.

Here. Now just pick it up.

That's it. Spread your legs a little
bit.

Look way down there. That's what you
want to hit.

Okay, then all you do is you just let it
go.

That four's looking pretty good right
now, isn't it?

Andy?

Gracie?

Gracie, look at the puppy!

Ran away.

Five!

Five.

Game's not over, princess.

Okay, everybody happy?

All right, I'm going to go to that
little dark room over there and watch

with some very sad Irish guys.

Daddy, watch me.

Okay, honey.

Me?

All right, all right, I can bowl one.

Good luck, Daddy.

A good luck kiss. Thank you, baby.

cream cheese brownies and a pumpkin nut
loaf with enough walnuts to make Jim

itchy but not enough to kill him.

Wow. You must have been baking all
night. Yeah.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Just that I'm going to die
shriveled and alone.

Try the brownies.

What did I tell you last holiday season
when you were like this?

Oh, some crap about how I'm smart and
beautiful and any guy would be lucky to

have me. Blah, blah, blah. Where's the
wine?

You know, Dana... it's not easy to find
the right guy.

You have to think of it like a marathon.
You know, it starts off with thousands

and then ends up with just a few good
ones out front.

The point is, you gotta keep running and
you'll win the race.

Or hit the wall and crap yourself.

Chris, Tony, hi.

Uh, Jim's not here. He took the girls
bowling, so... Bye.

I'm gonna...

Close the door now.

I guess Tim didn't tell you. He invited
us for Thanksgiving.

Oh, isn't Carol with you?

No, Carol left me a couple months ago.

Oh. Yeah, I know. It's been pretty
rough.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Dana.

Hi.

So, would you guys like... Yeah, sure.

So you like comic books?

Okay, five strikes in a row, I'm on
fire!

Daddy! Not really, girls, not really.

Five strikes equals 130 points.

How many do you have, McGlady? Shh,
quiet. Father's bowling.

Remember, folks, everything's got to be
exactly the way it was before each ball.

Okay?

Good luck, Kiss.

Good luck, Daddy. Thank you, baby.

Okay.

Something isn't right.

Gracie, were you drinking that soda
before?

No. Throw it out.

That's too bad. What a shame. It looked
very refreshing.

Andy, eat the hot dog.

and four.

Eat it!

Okay.

Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Okay, who's your daddy?

You are.

Yeah, yeah. The word on the land, baby,
is that you are halfway to a perfect

game. That's right.

That's right, Lewis.

Hey, well, good luck, Jim. It's been a
long while since we added somebody to

wall of fame. Yeah, I know, I know.

Yeah, baby, and to do it on Thanksgiving
would be special.

Yes, it would.

I really haven't had much of a
Thanksgiving since the missus died.

Do you know that when I was going to
the... Lewis, Lewis, Lewis.

Huh? I'm trying to bowl here.

Oh, yeah, yeah, man. Go ahead, go ahead.
Okay.

She'll still be there tomorrow.

Thank you.

Your dad gets 300.

A perfect game.

One more.

One more.

Uh,

God? Hi, it's me, Jim.

I really, really, really want to strike.

I promise I won't ask for anything
again.

And, by the way, thanks for all the
great creations that you've made.

Like bacon.

Pork chops.

You know, the pig in general is really
great.

Amen. Wow.

The power's off.

Tournament's over.

What about my game?

Oh, yeah.

290. Nice effort, Jim.

Wow. So that's how Spider -Man got his
powers.

Huh?

Bitten by a radioactive spider.

What bit Wonder Woman?

I heard it was Iron Man, but I think
that's just an ugly rule.

Dana, can I see you in here? I'm having
a crisis with the plates.

Coming, Mom.

So cute.

Dana, you have met Chris a hundred
times. You always make fun of him. But

suddenly, holiday season plus glass and
a half of wine equals Chris is so cute.

You just don't understand Chris the way
I do.

We're simple folk.

Well, I wonder if you'll see Chris the
same way when you take off your

Chardonnay goggles.

Fine. No more wine. But you can fix the
plates yourself.

And you know what else? No more wine.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

You know, this is kind of a special day.
I just really don't want anything to

ruin it.

Hey, oh good, there you are. I was just
going to call dinner's ready.

Where's Ruby?

With Jim, for good luck.

Good luck for what?

Funny story.

Jim, you know, it's Thanksgiving. The
whole family's here. Please come home.

Cheryl, I can't.

But, honey, Andy said that the power's
out and it's hopeless.

Honey, I am one strike away from a
perfect game, and the league says if I

it's over.

Hey, did you know that Chris and Tony
are here?

Sorry. Careful, everybody. Broken glass.

You know what? It is Kyle's first
Thanksgiving. Doesn't that matter to

Come on, honey. He's just a baby. He
doesn't even know who I am.

family photo and that stupid pilgrim
story with the pie fight.

You know, honey, who's going to carve
the turkey?

Cheryl, I don't expect you to understand
this, but I just need to do this one

thing. Bring my Ruby home.

One more thing.

Ruby can't leave. What?

She's got to kiss me before I bowl. It's
a good luck thing.

But she's missing Thanksgiving dinner.

Daddy, my hair's stuck in the candy
machine.

Honey, nobody likes a quitter.

I gotta go. Bye.

Did you get anything?

Jim?

Great. Jim's not coming and my
daughter's eating candy for

You hear that?

Ruby's eating candy.

No, don't cry.

I'm sorry.

Don't cry.

Andy, what did you do?

She misses her dad.

Why would you even tell me a joke like
that?

I thought we were getting closer.

How old are you?

What happened to the great sense of
humor you had about an hour ago? I peed

out.

Sorry.

Careful, everybody. Broken glass. Stop
crying.

Cheryl,

I'm not coming home. I'm right in my
mojo zone.

Don't worry. I'm just trying to get
Ruthie. I don't want to hear about your

or your mojo. And by the way,

You use the word mojo.

Well, you know what? I don't like some
of the words you use.

Like I hate it when you call a pickle a
gherkin.

A gherkin is a very special pickle.

Cheryl, can you please just be mad at me
for one thing at a time?

Okay.

Sit down.

Cheryl, did you ever do anything
perfect?

I married you.

I'm kidding.

All right, look.

There's nothing special about me, okay?
I mean, I was never the captain of a

football team.

I wasn't the kid who got straight A's at
school.

I mean, I even remember this one time in
Mrs. Pearson's math class.

There was this boy who got 100 on every
test.

Perfect.

100, Cheryl.

And I used to look at that test, that
100.

And I would think to myself,

wow, I wish I was that kid.

I mean, I didn't want to be Chinese.

Do you kind of get where I'm going here,
honey? I'm listening.

I'm a very lucky person.

But I was an average kid, grew up to be
an average man.

But you know, today, I got a shot.

I got a shot here.

I mean, I feel like a kid who suddenly
has a chance to pitch in the World

or to go to the moon or to be king of
the United States.

We have presidents, Jim.

I know. I want to be king.

Cheryl, do you realize a 300 in bowling
is a perfect score?

Perfect, Cheryl.

All they can do is tie me.

They can never beat me.

I think you should take Ruby home.

All this just to get your picture on the
wall with seven fat guys?

I'm gonna make it eight.

I want to get two beers, officer.

Lewis.

All right, I came in here, officer, to
take a little nap.

Man, what time is it?

Hey, what's up with the power thing?

The white man still has it.

Oh, you mean the system. No, my system's
still fried, man.

Ain't nothing happening tonight, Jeff.

All right.

I'm going.

but you give it up.

Yeah, I got a wife and family waiting
for me at home.

And I got a beautiful wife waiting for
me up in heaven.

We're both lucky then, huh?

You know, Lewis, I was this close to
being perfect.

Yes, you were.

should spend his first Thanksgiving
watching his father bowl a perfect game.

Thanks.

Do it up, Jim.

Good luck, Big Jim.

Mmm. Smells delicious.

I haven't had a Thanksgiving dinner
since... Oh, I'm sorry.

What's wrong with Louis?

Beats me.

Good luck, Daddy.

Thank you.

Take a picture for the wall of fame with
my dead wife's camera.

Wait,

wait, wait, wait. No, no, come on,
everybody.

Everybody, come here.

Hey, Tony, grab me that leg, would you?

Here you are, Kyle, on your first
Thanksgiving.

Cheese.

Honey, I can't believe you did this.

I mean, the candles, the dinner. You're
just like the greatest wife ever.

Wait. Good luck, Kiss.

Oh.

Go get him.