All language subtitles for jpod_2008_s01e04_feed_the_need

Previously on J -Pod. I'm John Doe. I
was born Juniper with a small J because

mom's a very hippie lesbian.

Isn't that Caitlin? That is Caitlin.

I think I might finally have my first
speaking role.

That's wonderful.

Ah, you want a part in a game?

A speaking part.

I moved here for love.

That isn't here anymore.

A vintage Defendoid shirt.

Thank you.

I got you that because I thought you'd
wear it.

I did wear it. And I realize it's far
too valuable for that.

Everyone ready?

Yeah.

And with that, Vortex is back to what it
does best.

developing hand -eye coordination skills
in tandem with effortless gore. Ethan,

that gore sequence of yours is one of
the best I've ever seen.

You think so?

There's no way we won't kill at our
internal prototype presentation.

Here he comes.

Kick him again.

Hello, girl.

Stephen, hello.

I was just in the neighborhood and I
thought I'd pop by and say hello. Well,

and I are just watching a marathon of
Kicked in the Nut. It gives me such a

lift. Girl, I can't see you.

Stephen, my head's beneath me.

It's been ages since I've been acting in
it.

It's the only thing in life right now
that raises my spirits. Jim doesn't need

you. He needs work. I need you. So I
have something to say to your husband,

I'm going to say it. Oh, Stephen,
please.

Carol, can I introduce me to your
friend?

Why did we come to a place that caters
to human spawn?

After a weekend at my mother's lesbian
vegetarian commune, I need heavily

processed meat -based food products.

Caitlin, your salad.

Now a 30 % real edit.

Caitlin, soft drink?

No, thanks. I cannot stomach the stuff.

Gastric bypass, huh?

No, it just tastes like bad memories.

My mama races on no -name cola.

So she called it mixer? When I was
growing up, I used to yearn for Coke and

Pepsi. As a teen cola virgin, I snuck
over to the bait shop three miles away

bought bottles of each. I opened them up
and had this big woo moment when I

tasted them.

And? Mary Kate versus Ashley.

Sacrilege. Cola should be more than bad
memories of trailer park vendors.

I hereby vow that I, Ethan Jarlowski,
will create the cola of the gods and

restore your faith in carbonated
beverages.

Clowns working. Hey! Hey, kids, it's me,
Clownsworthy. Who's ready to party?

Childhood fear of clowns. Are you
serious?

I never joke about clowns.

Birthdays are fun.

Okay,

now, where's the birthday boy?

Kevin. Caitlin. I knew it was you. I
left everything to follow you here, and

then you dumped me? Okay, baby, you know
I'm sorry. It's the stupidest thing

that I've ever done, okay? You just
disappeared, Kevin. I didn't know

here. I was a fool. I was a fool,
Caitlin. Come here.

Hey, keep your sticking clown mitts off
the lady. Step up, you nerd.

This is a private conversation. It's
okay, Ethan. I've got it covered.

Hey.

Dude,

I didn't mean to hit you.

Oh, my gosh.

Blood.

Clown blood.

Kevin, are you okay? Ethan, how could
you hit a clown?

It was an accident.

Oh, it's fine. A little bit of nursing.

Look, man, I'm sorry. I didn't... Go.

You've done enough damage.

Oh.

Okay.

Jim, I'm Ethan's boss, Stephen
Lefkowitz, but you can call me Steve.

I've certainly heard a lot about you.
Really?

Really, dear. We should let Stephen go.
He's a busy man. Jim, I'd like to offer

you a job doing voiceover work for some
of our video games at Neutronic Arts.

What?

Doing voice work? That'll certainly take
you away from home for long days at a

time while recording in our offices, but
Carol can live without you.

Well, she'll just have to get used to
it, partner.

Hey, Carol, what do you think? Steve's
offering me a job doing voice work.

You're going to get your money's worth.

How generous of young Steven.

Fantastic.

Caitlin dated Clownsworthy? I thought
she was just a formerly overweight,

mother. I think you know someone.

You can't come to my cubicle if I don't
let it.

Dude, he's not a vampire.

Or a clown turns vampire every time. I
don't want to talk about it.

Hey, if I have a new enemy, I prefer to
know who the enemy actually is. He's my

ex, okay?

Ex?

His name's Kevin, and we met in
California when I was working at Apple,

was a struggling actor.

Was? He's a spokesclown. He's good.

And he got his big break, a recurring
role on Moongate.

So we moved up here, and then they wrote
him out after four episodes.

And then he tried coaching kid actors
for a while, but even that didn't last

long. Let me get this straight. So you
give up a sweet job at Apple to move up

here with Chuckles?

It's not like he asked the TV series to
dump him. He's had a hard time, Ethan.

You're defending him. Didn't he break up
with you?

I know him better than anyone else in
this city.

We have history, and that's worth
something to me.

And you know what would be nice?

If you went and apologized to him.

You're right.

Ethan, John Doe is cooking up some of
his mother's lasagna.

Make that les -anya.

Yeah, this whole afternoon is making me
feel bingey. I'm going to go to the

overeater, then I'm going to eat.

Lesbiananya.

Oh, you want a piece of me? Come and get
it. I got a piece for you.

Oh, hockey is just such a brutal sport.
Perhaps that's why I'm so drawn to it.

Honey, I think you're overdoing it.

You know, the problem is you don't
believe in me.

Steve is my star maker. He believes in
me.

Jim, just be careful. Of what?

Apparently the wife, she ain't too
supportive of the voiceover career.

So I would simply go to Arby's and study
how the common folk speak.

Hello, Carol.

Some caviar, a flute of champagne.

Stephen, I... What a wonderful picnic
spread.

All four food groups are well
represented.

All for you. Please, join me.

Well, okay.

Only because I didn't eat breakfast
today.

I know, I know. Never skip breakfast.
Guilty.

Oh, my.

No, it's not the slow suicide of eating
a Shirley burger, but this meal often

comes guilt -laden with the fact that I
stole it from my mother's freezer.

Bon appetit.

Roxy cold can of Mary Kay, Johnny? Or is
this the Ashley?

Hey, Ethan, if you're serious about
making J -Cola, we could all pitch in

launch with the prototype on Friday.

Yeah, we could use the help.

Bree, could you locate cola powder?

Yep. Cowboy, how about sourcing a
beverage carbonation system?

done. And John Doe, we need a sweetener
and a caramel -type coloring agent.

Why do you want to make a cola so badly?

For fun. To subvert cola corporations.

For Caitlin.

Uh, you know what? I should really go
apologize to that clown.

Uh, Ethan wants to make nice with his
nemesis to impress the girl.

You've got to be bad.

Steven, I finally touched your lunch. I
must admit, Carol, I'm a little nervous.

I get so giddy when I'm around you.

Stephen, I know you're disappointed that
your marriage didn't work out, but you

have a wonderful son.

Whom I get to see every Sunday from one
to four, Carol.

But you have Ethan in your life. You can
see him any time you want.

Yes, but I really want his
grandchildren.

Jim and I have done everything we could
to encourage the boys to breed, but

still, year after year, the jungle Jim
goes unused.

I even have a name picked out for my
future granddaughter, Glenda. After the

good witch.

Who?

Stephen,

please don't raise Jim's hopes too high.

He's more sensitive than you realize,
and lately he's had many disappointments

in his acting career.

Carol, it won't be a disappointment.

I promise you.

The granddaughter I have yet to have,
I'd like to see.

A game with girls in it. Girls who are
sporty and content with the breath that

nature gave them.

I like it, Carol.

Yes? Cheers.

Oh, carbohydrate coma.

Fosters, I want a female skater
character added to the Vortex game

What? Steve, we're doing an internal
prototype presentation for all your

executive buddies on Friday. Like, this
Friday. Yeah, all the more reason to

make the game shine by adding a girl.

Yeah, but once the voice record is
finished, we're on track for Friday. And

more changes are going to jam up our
schedule. The girl needs a name.

Glenda. The girl's name is Glenda.

Okay, seriously?

I think a girl character is going to
look like a transparent cheesy ploy to

attract female gamers. I think what
Bree's trying to say is that bloodbaths

a sadistic mall cop maybe aren't good
starting points for a girl in this game.

Yeah. I want a girl who inspires other
girls.

Someone strong and confident. Someone
like her.

Hello. Mom.

Hello, Juniper.

My name's John Doe. Just as I suspected.

So I took a lasagna. What's the big
deal? I spent hours preparing that for a

postnatal truth ritual to reconnect Rain
Shine back to her cycle.

She and her baby are very, very upset,
Junie. It's absolutely delicious.

The tofu?

Placenta.

Why do you always have to... Sorry,
guys.

Relax, guys.

Polenta's just ground up cornmeal.

Where are you going?

Well, I have to break the news to my
women, don't I?

You don't even want to see what I do?

You've done more than enough for one
day, don't you think?

It's so much since we split.

You know, being a spokesperson has
taught me a lot about positivity and

compassion. Really?

You haven't complimented me on losing
150 pounds.

True. But I'm sorry. I've got to be
honest, Caitlin. When I look into your

you know, I see the woman I loved.

Not the smoking hot new body.

Come back.

I need you.

A lot.

At least agree to see me again.

When? I work all day and go to night
school.

Oh.

Yeah, I have to get my high school
equivalency degree.

What? You worked for Apple? Yeah.

Listen, not only are you a stone -cold
fox, but you're probably the smartest

person that I know.

Well, I could probably meet you tomorrow
for lunch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you, Kevin.

Glug, glug, glug.

How goes our new girl character?

I cut and pasted boobs onto Skater Dude
and removed his scruff.

I'm just putting on the finishing
touches.

Wow. I was expecting a post -op tranny
at best, but that looks really sweet.

Kudos.

So, uh, how was last night's Overeaters
Anonymous meeting?

Great. Thanks.

Friends, I give you the dispensing
fountain for the soda of the gods.

Where'd you find it?

Craigslist. I traded it for my old anal
beads and a gig of RAM.

Uh, I, uh, I gotta go.

See ya.

What's up?

We do. Night.

He's going back to her old boyfriend, I
can tell.

Ethan, no one understands the human
heart. Why don't you just relax?

I've just got a bad feeling about this
guy.

Shall I commence a Google -enhanced full
-cavity search on him?

Make it so.

Well, here's a scene from Moongate where
he played Gallus.

Tell the Trachealians that the people of
Plantera 6 will not tolerate their

attack.

His character had a four -episode arc.

In his second episode, an alien laid a
bunch of eggs in his brain.

The larva hatched in the third.

And by the fourth, his remnants became a
permanent incubating cocoon. Only actor

on the show to not have his own MySpace
fan page.

Even the larva have their own fan page.
What else?

Right after Caitlin and Kevin broke up,
he started dating the show's female

lead, Lauren B. Maxwell.

In three months, she'd gained a record
167 pounds.

Ishii is sunning in Saint -Tropez. Soon
after the paparazzi snapped this shot,

she fell into a diabetic coma from which
she may never emerge.

Kevin is a feeder.

A feeder? Someone who gets off
overfeeding loved ones in the hopes

rendered unattractive to the rest of the
population.

Caitlin barely escaped while he's luring
her back.

Change of plans.

J -Cola must be a diet cola.

In the fight against crime, there are

two equally important parts.

Maybe just stick to the script.

Oh, this thing? Yeah, oh yeah, I can do
that.

You bored like a grommet. Grommet? Is
that English?

Cut. Grommet?

Jim, just limber up, dude.

More limber than that?

Yeah. Okay.

Got it. Okay.

Nail the Aussie, dude.

Ollie. It's Ollie. Like Ollie, Ollie
Oxenfree.

I'm doing a turtle here.

Yeah. Huh?

One second. I got the turtle sound.

Nail the Aussie, dude.

I'm glad you know what my real business
is, Stephen.

It's not like I can go down to the Union
Hall and talk shop.

Girl power.

I love it.

I absolutely love it, Carol. It's what
you're all about. You know we're

putting a female character into Ethan's
new game?

Really? Maybe the future will be a good
place to visit after all.

Incoming.

Hello? Steve.

Cowboy. Yeah, I'm, uh... One second. I'm
going to a meeting.

What can I do for you?

Ethan's dad is... pathetic.

We will solve things, but the talent in
question will not be fired, okay? He

can't make a single line work.

Going into a tunnel. Gotta go.

Let me help you with that. Work.

Just can't do anything without me.

There we go. Isn't that nice? Steve!

Ethan. What are you doing here?

Young Steven of the Life
Intellectrician. Wasn't always saving

their time of need, you know.

What's the commotion?

I told you you wouldn't believe me.

Ethan, try me.

Caitlin's ex -boyfriend is a failed
actor who now works as a haggard,

spokes -clown mascot for a burger
franchise because his career as an

coach fizzled.

Acting coach?

You'll have to excuse me.

Go on.

Anyway, I accidentally hit him in the
nose yesterday and he started bleeding,

Caitlin's all like, oh, I feel sorry for
you.

So I'm blending her a batch of the
world's hatiest diet colas to be

this Friday's in -house prototype
demonstration of our new video game.

Oh, Ethan.

You always wear the smart one.

I'm also going to be doing a little
recon.

Make sure she's safe.

Caitlin's worth fighting for, Ethan.

She's the closest thing we have to her.
It's making me a young grandmother.

Kevin, I... I want you back.

I need you back.

Hi. Hi. What are you doing? On a break.

Are you kidding?

Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.

Chug.

is being stripped of its violent core,
its very soul.

Well, what are we supposed to do? Steve
wants a girl. We need to walk the line

between girl power and emotionally
satisfying carnage. That's just the sort

thing my mother would know. She used to
run a women's shelter.

He'll bring her in.

We're not on speaking terms after the
lasagna incident.

Oh, yeah.

is co -worker, aren't you?

Yes. Come on in. Join the ritual.

What's your name?

I'm Bree.

And can I talk to you for just a second?

Of course you can, sister.

But we're in the middle of a ritual
here.

Why don't you sit down?

Okay.

Hi.

I imagine that Juniper sent you.

I know he doesn't know... Thanks.

He doesn't know anything about this. I'm
here because he needs your help.

I cannot condone my son's violent
career.

Violent. Okay, it's not like he's
clubbing baby seals.

John Doe's a good man. He's sensitive
and he's honest and he's kind and he's

trading in violence and death. He's
thrown away every gift I've instilled in

him. He even cast off his own real name.

Like you've cast off the name that your
mother gave you. And for what?

To call yourself freedom.

You should have just called yourself
prison.

That's all you've ever been to him. Hey!

Juniper was a very happy boy on the
commune. He snuck out of the commune to

cola from the bait shop.

He did what?

Mm -hmm.

Maybe if you focused as much attention
on your son as you do on your precious

rituals...

I followed Caitlin to Shirleyburg. He
wouldn't believe what I saw.

Shh. It's in the building.

What's with him?

Ethan, thank you.

For what?

For telling Steve about Kevin.

Steve hired him to be your dad's new
acting coach.

Chuckle, huckle, huckle.

Too tart, too bitter, too soapy, too
weird.

We need to find the right sugar
substitute.

Personally, I prefer number two. No
sugar additive whatsoever.

No way, man. It tastes like carbonated
road tar.

Shouldn't you guys be working on Glenda?
Technically, one would think.

This is way more fun.

It's truly a breakfast bun, huh?

The kind where the bun is replaced by
two donuts?

Is that from Kevin?

We have two days to deliver this
prototype. A high -calorie breakfast is

essential.

Caitlin, I totally know what's going on.
I've seen you with him at Shirley

Burger.

Fying on me now? There are things you
don't understand.

No, I understand plenty. Think anything
you want of Kevin, at least he's not a

stalker. And he's going to help your
father.

Mom? Ethan?

I can't find the blue pliers.

Do you know where they are? I think
they're next to the ping -pong table.

Nope. Already looked there.

Hey, Mom?

Yes, dear?

You really thought you liked someone and
thought they might be in a bad

situation.

Would you tell them, even if it wrecked
the, uh, friendship?

Good God, Eden. Never tell anybody
anything unless you absolutely have to.

Too much truth, everybody ends up in
tears.

The method requires that you become the
turtle, Jim.

How? What memory do I have to draw on
here?

I want you to think of a wildlife
documentary. Think of the one where the

extinct baby turtles are scampering down
at the beach, just scampering down, and

the seagulls are attacking them and
they're eating them.

And the human camera crew stands by idly
doing nothing to save them.

I'm angry.

Yes, no.

Stay your line.

Sick, boneless, off the rail.

Yeah, I have no idea what I'm saying,
but I'm saying it now as though I do.

method is great stuff.

Amazing.

Cowboy. I have a word with you.

This is about the coach. The stains
aren't from me.

Cowboy, it's no secret that...

a certain flair with the ladies.

Well, there's a certain lady that, well,
I'm interested in.

Try as I may, I just, I'm not able to
ink the deal.

How do you make them fall for you?

Sure that you can do something,
anything, really, really well,

it's something she can brag about to her
lady friends, if you know what I mean.

You do that, she'll be yours forever.

You mean like a magic trick?

I learned a magic trick. Yeah, I showed
my son Connor a magic trick and he

thought it was just fantastic.

That's perfect, yeah.

Thanks, buddy.

Got those skin textures you wanted?

Sure, great.

Maybe I can go through them with you,
see which ones you like.

Ethan, I'm too busy.

Oh, God.

How are we going to mix women and
violence without committing some sort of

politically incorrect thought crime?

He was all like, you're in Tokyo.

And I was like, dude, they're my
nipples. They're not detachable.

Oh, my God.

Mom.

Yep.

No offense, Caitlin, but your design for
Glenda was a little too My Little Pony

Me after -school special.

I think freedom can help.

Show me what you've got.

Really? Yep.

All right.

Hey!

Well, you're right. Your Glenda
character is truly fallacial.

Okay, goddess of judgment. I don't need
your negativity on top of everything

else. Hold on a second.

I didn't come to judge.

I came to help.

You're my flesh and blood, kid. Half
your flesh and blood.

Right. That turkey baster sure helped in
raising you.

Did I not teach you that women are
stronger than that? She's watered down.

Truth is, you gotta be bigger, bolder.

Life is dangerous. I'd love to see what
the boys do in this game.

Show her the dumpster sequence.

Right?

Well, there's your Glenda right there.

The mall cop?

Yeah.

But he's so violent. Well, as a man,
yes. But you make him into a woman,

got an equal opportunity butt kicker.

Can you do that? Can you just put some
breath on him, maybe, and swap his head

for hers?

That's actually dead simple.

Swapping Mall Cop to a chick is genius.
Dude, your mom's good.

Wait.

What is this abomination?

Jennifer, is this cola? Uh, we're making
a carbonated diet beverage.

Uh -huh.

Well, I hope it's to subvert the
dominant paternal corporate society,

Sure, something like that. We just can't
find a reasonable sugar substitute.

Well, uh, you know an excellent sugar
substitute.

But you all said that was sacred to the
feminine.

Well, perhaps I was treating it a little
too sacred.

Ethan, I may have just the thing.

Dude, you just nutted in the railing.

People grind on that lip.

How's our talented voice actor doing?
Natural.

I just needed to build a proper
foundation.

He's recorded all of Dwight the Turtle's
lines.

Really?

And you're just rearing for more, right,
Jim?

Bring it on.

Why don't you try tackling Glenda? She's
our new power chick character. We just

put her in the video game. Kevin, what's
the plan?

Okay, uh, yeah, well, Steve, I think
we'll probably start by trying to get

the head of Glenda's character, ad
-libbing, whatnot.

Ad -libbing, perfect, that's great. Ad
-libbing, you just kind of make up the

dialogue as you go along, having no idea
really where it's gonna end up. That's

great, keep it up.

Cripes. Doing a turtle's one thing, but
a girl, that's a stretch.

I'll have to get a real limber for that.

I hear you, Jim, I hear you.

Spence memory.

And memory.

Okay. What makes a woman a woman? What
is it that women have that

we don't?

Tickle bitty.

Breasts. Oh, they are my kryptonite. A
woman can get anything she wants simply

by pointing them at me. Too bad I don't
have breasts.

We'll get you some. Just know the half
-sized circumference of breasts.

And you've practically swapped gender.

And so, even though the recipe calls for
cinnamon, I use nutmeg.

Imagine that.

Stephen, you're a magician.

I know a few tricks.

You are too modest.

It's clearly something you do very, very
well.

Thank you, Caroline.

I hope you saved some room. It's gelato
time.

Just let me go freshen up first.

Yeah. Go ahead.

Hey.

I came to apologize to you, Kevin, for
accidentally hitting you.

Accidentally? Yeah.

And as a show of good faith, I'd like to
invite you to a prototype demonstration

we're having at J -Pod.

I'm launching a new cola we're making
for Caitlin.

Hey,

Caitlin doesn't even drink cola.

Well, she'll be drinking this one.

It's diet.

Hi, honey.

I'm looking for my optimal heft.

Jim, I don't know how much more of your
acting career I can take. I married a

man, you'll recall.

Oh, it's not me. It's the method. You
know how it works. I'm supposed to

the core of a new character, and in
order to understand her, I have to be

What do you think, cantaloupe or Florida
grapefruit?

Jim, enough.

I can't handle this.

Cantaloupe.

Morning, Steve.

Morning, Ethan.

Even though I should be surprised to
find you shaving in front of my parents'

house, but for some reason I'm not.

Like your mother just moved from the
kitchen into the living room.

The fixation on my mother's getting a
little spooky, Steve.

Haven't you ever been willing to do
anything for somebody, Ethan?

I'm starting to wonder if I have that
kind of fervency.

The girls I fall for, sooner or later
they drift away.

It's worse as I let them.

Love doesn't just happen, Ethan.

You have to be willing to say,

This person here, I choose her.

After that, it's simple. No matter what
happens, you never let go.

When it comes to love, any obstacle is
worth fighting.

Because then you have hope.

You have to have hope, don't you?

My character would never say these
lines.

I will crush your jaw, rendering you
unable to bite back.

Come on, Ethan.

You've turned her into a monster here.

Dad, for the game's survival, we had to
make Glenda more aggressive.

Did you take Glenda? When you've gone
through the kind of in -depth training

that I've done with Kevin, then you can
talk to me about Glenda's character.

We created her, not you. So either read
those lines or we'll hire someone who

will. You'd cut your father out of a
role?

I'm trying to salvage months of work
here.

Well, let me make it easy on you then. I
quit.

Dad.

Acting doesn't just happen.

You have to be ready to say, this
character here, I choose her.

Then, no matter what, never let go.

You tell Cowboy to book me a recording
session. I'll be in at ten.

Say goodbye to your...

Spine sucker.

Nice work, cowboy. You actually got a
usable performance out of my dad. Yeah,

that's good enough for the temp track.

Everyone ready to send this baby to
render?

Yep.

Starts gentle, then comes at you with a
real kick.

Kind of like you driving Miss Daisy out
of a wicked car chase.

Definite intelligence in the formula.

Genius, Ethan.

Ethan, you're not going to tell me it's
just Pepsi.

Cheers.

Ethan, this is so good.

And it's diet?

Well, it's not zero calories, but at
least it's healthy.

John Doe and his mom came up with an
organic, free -range sweetener.

Hello, Carol.

Hello.

Nicole is nice, but perhaps you'd like
to have a drink with me after.

Stephen, you are too much.

Excuse me one second.

Everyone, everyone, attention, please.

Welcome to J -Pod. If you could please
all just come around the monitors there

to see.

What we've been doing well with next
year's guaranteed smash hit, Bordex.

Brie, let her rip, huh? Yep.

Bet you can't hit me, skater dude.

I'm wearing my lucky shoes today.

Hey, they are digging.

Wait till they see the next one.

Take everything he does.

And thus, the eye candy ends.

And so I wanted to thank all of you
Neotronikers for supporting my J -Pod

lab. Cheers to everyone, to Bordex.

Steven,

that was a real eye -opener.

Maybe gaming is like math.

It's not really meant for girls.

Oh, Carol.

System overload.

Does anyone here know how to bypass the
power grid? I do.

Mom? Well, you didn't think you got your
knack for electronics from that old

turkey baster, did you? Come give me a
hand.

All right.

Switch, Junie.

You did

that very well.

Well, thank you. I'm Freedom.

Carol.

Freedom, you are such an unusual person.
So strong and yet so sensitive.

And you, so charming.

You know, Carol, I have a commune up the
coast.

I'd love to have you up for a herbal
high colonic sometime.

I love road trips.

Terrific.

Our sweetener seems to be working out
well.

What are you going to tell Ethan it's
derived from breast milk?

Some things are better left a mystery.

All right. Can you show me how to play
this?

I don't think you'd like it.

Well, come on. Give me a try, John.

Okay, that's not my name. Wait, what did
you call me?

Your name.

Hey, have more. It's your company's
signature beverage.

Uh, yeah, Kevin, I've had so much
lately.

Chuck, look, look.

Caitlin, wait.

Chuckle Whore just loaded refined white
sugar, which means the emptiest kind of

calories into the J. Cola fountain.

Come on, that's ridiculous.

Cowboy, let her rip.

Oh, you son of a bitch.

Guys, guys.

Oh, man.

I hear you, sister.

Clown blood again.

I think it's time you left, Kevin.

I'll be back.

Bring it on, you sneaky little feeder.

Feeder? I've... heard about them evil
people. Yeah, what's so wrong with that,

okay? I mean, normal -sized women are
just trouble. Oh, look at me.

I'm normal -sized. I love it when every
guy walks by and ogles at me. You guys,

what I'm doing for you is a public
service.

Kevin, the best thing you can do right
now is leave.

You know, I am so proud of Ethan. He is
truly creative.

I agree.

Tim, something's wrong. I can tell.

Well, I'll be honest. I'm kind of upset
that Glenda's lines all got reduced to a

bunch of mere groans and growls.

Honey, Glenda is the violent embodiment
of women's oppression in a male

-dominant society.

You simply weren't the right person for
the role.

Yeah, but I worked very hard at
inventing Glenda. In some strange way, I

that she's still inside me.

In fact, I'd like to share with you some
things that I learned thinking about

what it must be like living in a woman's
body.

Oh, Jim, what could you possibly have...
Oh.

Jim, you... You are doing that...

Very well.

Caitlin.

I wanted to thank you for making a
healthy cola.

Did you really do it for me?

Come on in.

Well, it's the best cola I've ever had.

Even without sugar.

But you know, The stuff Kevin doctored?
It didn't, uh, taste any sweeter.

Well, that's the true secret of Coke and
Pepsi. It's not some magical spice or

X7 ingredient.

The secret is sugar.

How do you mean?

Well, after a certain point, no matter
how much sugar you add, the body can't

register it any sweeter.

Even when it's there, we don't know how
to, uh, taste it, feel it.

I see.

Well, thanks.

And I'm sorry I didn't trust you.

I should go.

Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.

I really felt for you, really never felt
for what you gave me, when you gave me

nothing at all, which is a broken heart,
you broke it in the fall.

When you told me, wonderful, that
nothing else fails, that it's all for

really never fails, for what you gave
me, when you gave me nothing at all,

was broken, heartbroken, in the fall.
But when you told me, you loved me, I

still thought you were the most
beautiful girl, so if you told me, don't

me, I might just say okay.

Because like it's all made you love.