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Previously on J -Pod. Together we can
take Bordex to the top. We just need a
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more enchantment, more magic.
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What we need is a turtle.
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Meet the dude.
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I named him after Jeff Bridges in The
Big Lebowski. And not for sale.
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Join us, please.
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Carol. Carol.
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What are you doing here? Well, honey, I
need a little help.
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Yes, Ethan, I know it's horrible.
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I killed a man in that basement.
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Ethan. I'm in love.
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Dad, now's not a good time to chew the
fat.
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Mom's here. You looked in for somebody.
Lost 150 pounds.
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You did not tell me you had roommates.
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Who are these people?
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They look like refugees.
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I think they are.
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My brother did this.
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My older brother, Greg, is probably
hunting for... Cougars.
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Cougars? He only dates women over 40.
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I'll be right back, okay?
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But what do I do about them?
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Right, they must be starving.
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Would you mind feeding them? There's
food in the kitchen.
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Uh, yeah, yeah, okay. Thank you.
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I'm sorry about this.
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Hello.
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Be hungry.
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Okay.
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Oh.
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It's okay.
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It's okay.
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Okay.
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Okay, how do I explain microwavable
pizza buns?
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Frank. No.
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Hey. Well, dear little brother, you, uh,
decided to check out Cougarnet?
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No. I'm a little preoccupied by the
refugees in my apartment.
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You're trafficking humans now?
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I'm so 20th century. And they're just
people.
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Searching for a better life. They're
only going to be there for two days. A
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tops. A week? Get those people out of my
place now. Uh, technically it's my
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place and I say they stay.
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I had a friend over and I'm stuck
babysitting refugees.
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Gee, wow, Ethan, do I smell a date?
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Your entire building is owned by
offshore Chinese industrialists who were
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there. If you don't get those people out
of there, I will. Oh, I wouldn't do
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that. You don't want the rat to camp
bomb.
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He's camp bomb.
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Seriously?
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If you have to ask, you don't want to
know. Just leave the refugees where they
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are, trust me. It'll be better for
everyone involved.
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Yeah, everyone but the 20 starving
people in my living room.
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And me.
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Buddy, what?
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Tenderoni.
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Hey, that's my Legends of Chang. No,
it's okay, bro. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Not my sneakers.
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No, no, no, no. Uh, Ethan, these poor
people spent who knows how long in some
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shipping container wallowing in their
own feces.
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This is the first kind of thing seen in
months.
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They can have my food. They can have all
my clothes.
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Not my sneakers.
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So it's sneakers, then people, then
clothes, then food?
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These shoes have emotional value to me.
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I feel sorry for you.
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Caitlin?
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Damn it, Stuart!
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00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,580
The role of Herman Gehring requires
precision ballroom dancing.
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The part shoots in two days, and all you
sent me are teenage hip -hoppers. This
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is Hitler's kitten, not an electric
boogaloo. I need an expert waltzer in
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fifties.
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Why? Because I demand realism.
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That's why?
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If I wanted Sir Ben Kingsley, I would
ask for Sir Ben Kingsley. Now, I told
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the part needs an unknown. Someone with
real breakup potential.
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Hey, I'm Jim Jarlowski.
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And may I say, wonderful job of
direction on this movie. Sorry, I can't
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extras. It's union rules.
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What are you doing?
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Waltzing, sir.
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I was born to play Herman Garrett.
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Hermann Goering.
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Go Germany!
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Beat Israel!
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Thanks, but Israel wasn't a country
during the war. Oh, come on. Let me
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for the part.
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Sure, why not?
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Tomorrow morning.
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Very nice, cowboy, but I doubt Steve
will appreciate this sentiment.
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Huh? How about that?
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Better. Nice.
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00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:02,310
You guys, what's up?
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Nothing that you'd care about.
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Hey, here comes Steve!
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Quick, simulate productivity.
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Turtle update!
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Absolutely, sir. Cowboy.
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Busy day, lots of work to do today.
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Huh?
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00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:25,360
It was violent, but restrained. Ethan, I
said less gore.
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00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:26,940
Well, we took out all the blood.
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Yeah, Ethan, I know what gore is when
I... What is that smell? Is
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that you?
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That's yesterday's clothes, dude. Did
you get lucky?
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Ethan, people in high tech don't
appreciate those kinds of odors.
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Sorry, sir, all my clothes were donated
to charity.
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Charity. It's when you do something for
other people without the expectation of
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a reward in return.
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Thank you, Caitlin.
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I'll try and fix it, sir. Good.
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Don't force me to drop one of my hygiene
memos. And clean that up. But podsters,
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I have a job, and only the best and the
brightest need apply. Gwyneth Lockerbie,
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she's the new VP of our London office,
Neutronic UK.
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She's in town for a strategy meeting,
and I need someone to give her a tour.
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I can't do it, Steve. I've got to get
the turtle in the game. Got to help
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Cowboy.
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Breathe. What about them? I will do it.
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Let Strawberry Shortcake do it.
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I need someone who's really able to give
a good impression, and that would be
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someone who at least graduated high
school and doesn't stink.
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00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,520
Oh, hands up everyone here who worked at
Apple.
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00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,260
I'm a motion capture expert, not a
corporate fart catcher.
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Cowboy, aren't employee reviews up this
month?
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Why, yes, they are.
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I knew I could count on you. Okay,
Potters.
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If he wants the lackey, he'll get a
lackey.
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Guys, maybe work the gourd for me. I've
got to run an errand. Yep.
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Hungry?
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Listen, for me, I have 20 starving
humans to feed.
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Your altruism is a little late if you're
just trying to impress me.
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I'm not doing this to impress you. I'm
doing this to help them.
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Penicillin sandwiches and expired
yogurt?
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Try it, you'll keep them.
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My lunch.
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Fresh vegetables.
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And non -factor.
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Uh, now if you'll excuse me, I have to
go find myself a night school.
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Mrs. Lockerbie!
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I'm terribly sorry to keep you waiting.
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Steve failed to tell me he'd be waiting
for me at reception.
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Colonist.
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You're one of the Queen's subjects.
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Yes, Hong Kong.
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Rule Britannia.
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God save the Queen.
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Yes, Zoe.
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Perfect. Not a crease on the jacket.
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There's a reason everything's made over
there.
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Yeah, fast and cheap.
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00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:50,740
You turned my place into a sweatshop.
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It's not your place, it's mine, and I
let you live here. Rice Krispie Squares?
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00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:57,920
You made them Rice Krispie Squares? I
thought they might be homesick for rice.
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00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,740
Ah, ah, ah, it's nay on the edgemental
day.
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00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:07,340
Our guests here are simply melting away
the hours by contributing to society.
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And doing a damn fine job altering my
old dance costumes.
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Oh, look.
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Gotta go, Jim.
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Bye -bye, Don. Bye, Mom.
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Craig's trafficking in humans. This
doesn't bother you?
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00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:23,200
Ethan, you're a grown man. Don't be a
narc. No one likes a narc.
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They let you get away with everything.
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00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,840
Well, maybe if someone finished med
school, he wouldn't be the family shame.
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He says that's his land.
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I bought that on sale at Poverty
Plantation. I
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mean, he actually made it in his factory
south of Beijing.
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That's it.
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00:10:50,890 --> 00:10:52,990
Stop. Stop. Stop. People, stop.
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00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:55,770
You don't have to do this, okay? Be
free.
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He's not your boss.
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Relax.
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I'm not the bad guy.
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Nice one, Eve. Now you've gotten scared.
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And that is our neutronica.
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Well, all in all, I must say that while
this is a state -of -the -art facility,
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I am very underwhelmed by its employees.
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Yes, except one.
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You're obviously a self -starter with a
good head on your shoulders, fine
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schooling, and... Good breeding.
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00:11:37,180 --> 00:11:41,340
You're the best of both worlds. New
world training and old world values.
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How would you like to be my assistant at
Neotronic UK?
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Quite.
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In Euclidean plane geometry, pi is
defined as the ratio of a circle's
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circumference to its diameter.
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Who knows the number for pi?
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Yes? 3 .1415.
186
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To the fourth point.
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00:12:10,390 --> 00:12:16,530
Impressive. Uh, nine, two, six, five,
three, five, uh, eight, nine, seven,
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three... Two.
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00:12:36,830 --> 00:12:38,130
Carol Jarlowski.
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Ha ha.
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00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:43,780
You, of all people, need to lock your
door.
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00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:47,740
Dwight, excuse me for trusting humanity.
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00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:56,680
Some major devil weed you got here.
194
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,500
Oh, nice scale.
195
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,900
Digital math crafter, model 4500.
196
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,280
I bought it at a police auction.
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00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:05,620
Was it a metric?
198
00:13:05,930 --> 00:13:06,930
Standard conversion?
199
00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:09,510
You're thinking of the aluminum frame
Mathcrafter 6600.
200
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:12,510
Oh. What are you doing here, Dwight?
201
00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:16,250
I want this bagged up, ready to go.
202
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:20,430
I'm only selling you this one batch.
203
00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:21,409
How soon?
204
00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:22,189
Next week.
205
00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:27,010
Oh, tomorrow night. Dwight, each bag has
to be precisely measured to one ounce.
206
00:13:27,170 --> 00:13:31,890
Then I like to tie them with a silk
knot, nylon, ribbon, sachet style.
207
00:13:32,410 --> 00:13:33,770
Then I need to... Yeah, yeah.
208
00:13:35,150 --> 00:13:39,010
My biker buddies don't give a crap as
long as it weighs out.
209
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:43,870
Tomorrow night, delivered to this
address.
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00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,270
Don't bring any friends.
211
00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:52,430
I am a confident industry professional.
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00:13:53,970 --> 00:13:54,970
I'll have it ready.
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00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:04,420
Yes, Mother, I am doing my best to make
use of the private education you worked
214
00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:05,420
so hard to give me.
215
00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:10,600
No, Dad, I will not disgrace the family
name.
216
00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:13,300
Fine.
217
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,760
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
218
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,060
I hate it when they both get on
speakerphone.
219
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,620
You guys are so lucky you don't have
Chinese parents.
220
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,540
Still better than a militant feminist
and some defrosted sperm.
221
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,240
You have pressure to succeed, Bree?
222
00:14:28,939 --> 00:14:30,460
Steamroller that never stops.
223
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:31,720
Give me one.
224
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:38,800
Caitlin, whoa, hey, hey, don't take it
so hard. So Steve is ruining our game
225
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,800
with his turtle characters.
226
00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:41,580
We can still have some fun.
227
00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:43,260
It's not the stupid turtle.
228
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:47,300
I had my first night school class last
night, and you should have seen them
229
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:49,980
No.
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00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,540
Every girl looked like a supermodel.
231
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,400
Really?
232
00:14:57,740 --> 00:15:01,200
If I want my high school equivalency, I
have to go back there tonight.
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00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:07,960
I just don't think I can do it. Well, do
you want some moral support?
234
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:09,840
You'd do that for me?
235
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:11,140
Yeah.
236
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:15,580
Well, in a room full of hot girls, I'll
guarantee to be over 18.
237
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,680
I am in like Flynn.
238
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,400
Yes. Work that catwalk, baby.
239
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,460
You're wearing the refugee's clothing?
240
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:26,480
My new politically correct look.
241
00:15:26,970 --> 00:15:30,410
Every item I'm wearing was once worn by
a refugee smuggled here in a freight
242
00:15:30,410 --> 00:15:34,750
container. Which is perfect for the
factory or the lychee martini party in
243
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:36,990
rice paddy. Take that, Versace.
244
00:15:37,910 --> 00:15:38,910
Last time.
245
00:15:42,510 --> 00:15:43,510
Nice outfit.
246
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:46,310
Refugee chic.
247
00:15:46,370 --> 00:15:47,650
Caitlin gave away all my clothes.
248
00:15:48,550 --> 00:15:52,710
Yes. Well, you could be looking at the
next assistant, the vice president of
249
00:15:52,710 --> 00:15:53,710
Neutronic UK.
250
00:16:00,910 --> 00:16:03,230
But if Bree takes that job, she won't be
a podster anymore.
251
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,350
Nice catch, John, though.
252
00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:07,490
We could say we knew her when.
253
00:16:13,590 --> 00:16:14,790
Greg. What?
254
00:16:17,330 --> 00:16:18,490
I just got to work.
255
00:16:20,490 --> 00:16:21,490
I'll be right there.
256
00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:26,790
Okay, well, let's start with the
dancing.
257
00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:29,550
Jim.
258
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:03,820
No, let's try the dialogue.
259
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:05,119
Yeah.
260
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:09,540
Hey, mind pure.
261
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:13,160
Yeah. Oh, no, we cannot find your
kitten.
262
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,440
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
263
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:17,280
Hermann Goering.
264
00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:19,859
Head of the Luftwaffe.
265
00:17:20,060 --> 00:17:21,500
Huh? The Nazi Party elite.
266
00:17:21,819 --> 00:17:23,660
Yeah. Oh, you're right. He was, yeah.
267
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:25,560
Good point.
268
00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:26,599
I'm a little nervous.
269
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:27,800
It's fine.
270
00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:32,230
How many stormed the bus?
271
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:35,710
But mine sure they'll need it at the
front.
272
00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:39,170
Now, I will see to it personally, yes.
273
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:46,330
Uh -huh. That kitten will be the death
on the downfall of the Nazi party.
274
00:17:49,290 --> 00:17:50,750
Okay, Jim.
275
00:17:52,290 --> 00:17:53,290
Well,
276
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,290
nice dancing.
277
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,120
You turned my place into the Imperial
Palace.
278
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,020
Look, I'll get right back to you.
279
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:19,360
Oh, thank God.
280
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:23,080
All this furniture is a gift to you from
Camphong for taking care of his
281
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,300
refugees, which begs the question, where
are his refugees?
282
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,160
Didn't he take them?
283
00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:31,360
They're gone? Oh, God, Ethan.
284
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,980
Camphong trusted you, and this is how
you repay him? I never asked to look
285
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:39,080
them. You know, the only thing worse
than losing Camphong's refugees is
286
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,079
his gift.
287
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,260
He's going to kill you. Me?
288
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:45,930
You dumped them on me. To help you, but
here you go. A perfect chance to join
289
00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:48,130
the real world as a normal person with
adult furniture.
290
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:49,870
I don't need your help, Greg.
291
00:18:50,950 --> 00:18:53,330
I am going to call this Cam Fong.
292
00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:57,810
Cam Fong, I beep. You talk.
293
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,210
Hi, this is Greg's brother, Ethan.
294
00:19:00,830 --> 00:19:05,990
Thank you for the furniture, but, uh,
well, I'm still in my Ikea stage of
295
00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:09,030
I didn't ask for any of this. I don't
need it, and I don't want it.
296
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:14,320
Hi, I'm Ethan. I shop at Ikea. I paid 30
bucks for my whole dining suite and it
297
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,580
only took me three days to assemble.
298
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:18,100
Oh.
299
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:20,680
Can't font.
300
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:22,600
Yeah, no, I know.
301
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:24,920
I told him that.
302
00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:27,780
Yeah, well, it's his life.
303
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,000
Well, sure, yeah, there's no time like
the present.
304
00:19:31,940 --> 00:19:33,340
Yeah, I'll make sure he knows you're
coming.
305
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,060
Okay. Okay, bye.
306
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,400
Is he coming for the furniture or the
refugees?
307
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:40,960
Or you.
308
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,520
He hasn't decided yet.
309
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,120
Later. Wait, wait, wait.
310
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,280
Is he pissed off?
311
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,340
You can't abandon me with this nutcase.
312
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,640
I said no interference.
313
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,220
By the way, don't try to leave. That'll
just make him angry.
314
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,020
Err. The ladies love the bubbly.
315
00:19:56,940 --> 00:19:58,180
Cross your fingers for a threesome.
316
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,840
Mom? Sorry to bother you, dear. I can't
find the small pliers.
317
00:20:07,370 --> 00:20:10,250
I don't know. Greg probably took them to
take apart some open house sign.
318
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:13,910
Listen, Mom, this is a bad time.
319
00:20:14,330 --> 00:20:15,330
What is that noise?
320
00:20:15,870 --> 00:20:19,770
Oh, it's our friends from the East.
They're helping me package my new crops.
321
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,550
They are so nice.
322
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,850
I can't believe you stole my refugees.
323
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:25,350
Mom, I need them back.
324
00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:26,730
Just as soon as they're finished.
325
00:20:27,010 --> 00:20:29,450
No, I need them back now. Mom, this is a
matter of life or death.
326
00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:32,210
Oh, Ethan, stop being so melodramatic.
327
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:33,569
Gotta go.
328
00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:34,570
I'm almost out of green tea.
329
00:20:34,770 --> 00:20:36,370
Sayonara. No, Mom, wait.
330
00:20:36,620 --> 00:20:37,620
Wait, wait, wait.
331
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:43,480
Jim.
332
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:45,680
Jim.
333
00:20:46,380 --> 00:20:48,260
Why are you wearing that ballroom
outfit?
334
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,240
You've already had your audition.
335
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:52,900
I'll be back in just a few hours.
336
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:54,240
Oh, Jim.
337
00:20:55,040 --> 00:21:00,980
So you didn't get the speaking part, I
am begging you. Don't let that drag you
338
00:21:00,980 --> 00:21:02,460
into that world again.
339
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,840
Carol, I have fought this as long as I
could.
340
00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:09,360
This thing is bigger than me.
341
00:21:43,879 --> 00:21:44,879
Steven?
342
00:21:45,660 --> 00:21:48,000
Christ, what are you doing here?
343
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,400
I was just checking your tire pressure.
You know, being short one pound per
344
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,880
square inch could cost you over $100 in
gasoline a year.
345
00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:55,220
Very thoughtful.
346
00:21:57,220 --> 00:22:01,120
I'm just sorry you had to witness that
kerfuffle with my husband.
347
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,280
Let me hold you.
348
00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:04,820
Let me hold you.
349
00:22:11,690 --> 00:22:13,510
What is that? I could have sworn I
caught a whiff of it. Potpourri.
350
00:22:14,310 --> 00:22:18,570
Um, I make bags of it for the hospital
auxiliary gift shop.
351
00:22:18,790 --> 00:22:22,670
Oh. I'll have to buy myself a satchel.
No, no, no. Really, Stephen. No, no. I
352
00:22:22,670 --> 00:22:24,490
insist. I insist. How much? One twenty.
353
00:22:25,870 --> 00:22:28,530
It's indoor homegrown high grade.
354
00:22:29,630 --> 00:22:30,630
Potpourri.
355
00:22:31,510 --> 00:22:33,530
I need to make a delivery tonight.
356
00:22:33,810 --> 00:22:35,070
Actually, so I should leave.
357
00:22:35,330 --> 00:22:38,890
Oh. Perhaps you'd like a little company.
Could be dangerous.
358
00:22:39,870 --> 00:22:44,010
Oh. Stephen, I want you to see my son
tonight.
359
00:22:44,670 --> 00:22:48,850
Ethan? No, um, Greg, my older son.
360
00:22:49,190 --> 00:22:53,730
He knows lots of lovely women, and since
you're in the market, he could sell you
361
00:22:53,730 --> 00:22:54,730
a townhouse.
362
00:22:58,010 --> 00:22:59,870
Got it. Meet the family.
363
00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:14,390
Jumbo Chinese shrimp chip? Maybe it fell
off the spaceship.
364
00:23:14,970 --> 00:23:16,150
What is it?
365
00:23:16,690 --> 00:23:17,730
What is that?
366
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:21,430
It's my shoulder pad. I was looking for
that thing.
367
00:23:25,610 --> 00:23:26,610
Bree,
368
00:23:28,350 --> 00:23:30,110
stop. Look at you.
369
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:31,810
Shoulder pads?
370
00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:32,870
This?
371
00:23:33,270 --> 00:23:34,270
This isn't you.
372
00:23:35,030 --> 00:23:40,390
Well, that's really easy for you to say,
John Doe. My brothers have penises.
373
00:23:40,940 --> 00:23:42,960
So everything they touch is wonderful.
374
00:23:43,460 --> 00:23:47,280
But I had to be born a girl. I have to
work twice as hard to get even a
375
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:52,400
of the praise from my folks. And for
once, in my entire penis -less life,
376
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,820
they're proud of me.
377
00:23:57,780 --> 00:23:59,000
I kind of like it.
378
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,940
You must be Ethan. I'm Kampong. Nice to
meet you.
379
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:28,940
Don't worry about your refugees. They're
safe.
380
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,580
You are Greg's brother?
381
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,620
Yeah, since the day I was born.
382
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,120
Oh.
383
00:24:35,420 --> 00:24:39,800
I see that you are an amusing fellow.
You also enjoy IKEA products.
384
00:24:40,700 --> 00:24:44,000
Yeah, well, I mean, they're affordable
yet stylish.
385
00:24:44,260 --> 00:24:46,020
Heaven help you if you lose that Allen
key. Enough!
386
00:24:47,740 --> 00:24:48,659
That's it.
387
00:24:48,660 --> 00:24:49,820
Hand -carved.
388
00:24:50,620 --> 00:24:52,320
Rosewood living room set with...
389
00:24:52,620 --> 00:24:56,780
silk cushions and marble accents somehow
displease you?
390
00:24:57,820 --> 00:25:00,140
And look, what do we have here?
391
00:25:01,540 --> 00:25:05,800
It's an expensive ceramic replica of a
Tang Dynasty dragon.
392
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:11,980
Dozens of young children sacrificed an
elementary education to work in
393
00:25:11,980 --> 00:25:17,000
so that you could enjoy the beauty and
magnificence of my ancient culture.
394
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,160
And yet, it leaves you cold.
395
00:25:24,490 --> 00:25:26,370
Now, we shall go for a drive.
396
00:25:26,710 --> 00:25:31,290
Drive? Your clothing brings shame on
your family.
397
00:25:33,490 --> 00:25:34,490
Rags.
398
00:25:35,190 --> 00:25:36,190
Come.
399
00:25:40,490 --> 00:25:41,590
Watch out for the dragon.
400
00:25:46,930 --> 00:25:49,050
Now, here's a coal harbor to be better.
401
00:25:49,290 --> 00:25:52,990
It's 580 square feet that shows like 3
,000, and it's got a killer view.
402
00:25:53,190 --> 00:25:57,670
You know, Greg, your mom, she's quite
the special lady. She really is. Do you
403
00:25:57,670 --> 00:26:00,250
know if she appreciates the outdoors at
all and camping?
404
00:26:00,870 --> 00:26:04,850
You know, Steve, Cougar Night is not the
place to keep yammering on about my
405
00:26:04,850 --> 00:26:08,110
mother. Well, you'll forgive me, Greg,
but I don't think you appreciate your
406
00:26:08,110 --> 00:26:10,570
mother. You know she's out there right
now in the middle of the night making
407
00:26:10,570 --> 00:26:12,570
deliveries while your father's ballroom
dancing?
408
00:26:13,350 --> 00:26:14,490
That's her dancing again?
409
00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:17,930
See, that's what I'm talking about.
That's what I'm talking about. Your
410
00:26:17,930 --> 00:26:22,590
is out there right now, God knows where,
with a truckload of gourmet potpourri,
411
00:26:22,590 --> 00:26:24,070
and all you're worried about is your
father.
412
00:26:24,850 --> 00:26:29,950
Trust me, Steve, my mom can take care of
herself, and it's not potpourri, it's
413
00:26:29,950 --> 00:26:30,950
pot.
414
00:26:32,190 --> 00:26:33,190
What?
415
00:26:34,190 --> 00:26:35,190
Pot.
416
00:26:45,820 --> 00:26:48,300
So, I hear you specialize in gore.
417
00:26:49,700 --> 00:26:51,740
Yes, sir. It's my area of expertise.
418
00:26:52,580 --> 00:26:56,440
Tell me, in your opinion, what's the
best way to torture somebody?
419
00:26:58,180 --> 00:27:01,980
Well, it depends on whether you need to
extract information from the victim
420
00:27:01,980 --> 00:27:03,300
or... Yes?
421
00:27:05,020 --> 00:27:07,260
Or you're simply torturing them for
torture's sake.
422
00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:09,160
Torture for torture's sake, definitely.
423
00:27:11,970 --> 00:27:15,670
I'd avoid things like forced exercise or
sleep deprivation. Those are designed
424
00:27:15,670 --> 00:27:16,810
to wear down the victim's defenses.
425
00:27:17,070 --> 00:27:20,750
Focus more on pain, dental distractions,
burning, freezing, moving the bike, and
426
00:27:20,750 --> 00:27:22,590
I stopped talking about this. What about
electricity?
427
00:27:23,310 --> 00:27:24,310
You old school?
428
00:27:24,770 --> 00:27:28,490
Yes and no. The Germans perfected
electrical torture in the 70s. There's
429
00:27:28,490 --> 00:27:31,790
new left to invent now. Sort of like
coffee makers or cigarette lighters.
430
00:27:31,990 --> 00:27:34,050
Only those were perfected in China.
431
00:27:38,510 --> 00:27:40,690
We, uh, driving anywhere in particular?
432
00:27:41,930 --> 00:27:43,230
Just a pleasure, Clues.
433
00:27:52,330 --> 00:27:53,730
Dad is dancing.
434
00:27:54,490 --> 00:27:55,770
What's this a code for?
435
00:27:56,070 --> 00:27:57,730
Drake, my dad's waltzing again.
436
00:27:58,590 --> 00:27:59,770
And that's a problem?
437
00:28:00,190 --> 00:28:01,190
In our family?
438
00:28:01,330 --> 00:28:02,330
Yeah.
439
00:28:04,550 --> 00:28:05,550
Jarlowski.
440
00:28:07,030 --> 00:28:09,150
Is your father Jim Jarlowski?
441
00:28:15,930 --> 00:28:16,930
Bree!
442
00:28:17,390 --> 00:28:18,390
Bree!
443
00:28:19,250 --> 00:28:20,670
Why did you not tell me?
444
00:28:21,470 --> 00:28:22,470
Tell you what?
445
00:28:22,730 --> 00:28:24,450
That you're in the Posh 1000.
446
00:28:25,390 --> 00:28:27,950
That you're in line to the throne.
447
00:28:30,270 --> 00:28:32,370
I beg your pardon? Oh, come now, Bree.
448
00:28:32,730 --> 00:28:33,730
Don't play coy.
449
00:28:34,210 --> 00:28:35,210
Bree knows.
450
00:28:35,370 --> 00:28:40,290
The Posh 1000 is an online, real -time,
ever -adapting list of who's in line to
451
00:28:40,290 --> 00:28:41,290
the British throne.
452
00:28:41,410 --> 00:28:44,990
Someone dies or has a baby, and hey,
Presto, the list refreshes instantly.
453
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:51,260
I myself am deep in the four digits, but
you, you're a mid -three.
454
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,760
Four hundred and sixty -two.
455
00:28:59,220 --> 00:29:06,000
Yes. Well, one mustn't brag about one's
status, must one?
456
00:29:06,100 --> 00:29:09,660
I should say not, but one can't ask you
to be one's assistant.
457
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:12,440
What?
458
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:17,500
One humbly begs you to allow one to be
yours.
459
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:31,160
John Doe, did you hack into the Posh
1000
460
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,600
website and forge me a royal lineage?
461
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:35,000
I was just trying to help.
462
00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:38,260
Can one get you anything, Mum?
463
00:29:40,140 --> 00:29:41,140
No, thank you.
464
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:48,280
All right, ladies, you want my real
advice?
465
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:53,940
Back off. You don't want a piece of me.
I'm Trouble with a capital T, and that
466
00:29:53,940 --> 00:29:56,000
rhymes with G, and that stands for Gary.
467
00:29:57,940 --> 00:29:58,940
Now blow.
468
00:30:06,660 --> 00:30:07,660
You're right over there.
469
00:30:08,660 --> 00:30:10,160
Ethan! Dad!
470
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:12,400
Mr.
471
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:14,840
Jarlowski.
472
00:30:15,950 --> 00:30:16,950
An honor.
473
00:30:17,910 --> 00:30:19,270
Who the hell are you?
474
00:30:19,910 --> 00:30:22,450
This is Cam Fong. That's Greg's friend.
475
00:30:22,670 --> 00:30:25,630
The human trafficker. He's nice to him.
476
00:30:25,910 --> 00:30:27,730
You're interfering with my drinking.
477
00:30:29,950 --> 00:30:33,670
I got satellite TV just to watch you in
the Tanspieler.
478
00:30:34,870 --> 00:30:36,110
You're a ballroomer?
479
00:30:37,910 --> 00:30:39,210
Nothing compared to you.
480
00:30:40,130 --> 00:30:43,350
When you coupled the Grotowski twirl
with the nickel room snap.
481
00:30:43,850 --> 00:30:45,670
And then capped it with the Olivia dip.
482
00:30:46,710 --> 00:30:47,710
Magic.
483
00:30:48,170 --> 00:30:49,170
Pure magic.
484
00:30:50,170 --> 00:30:54,870
We finally found a smart friend, Ethan.
Oh, yeah. We're definitely buds, aren't
485
00:30:54,870 --> 00:30:55,870
we, Cam?
486
00:30:56,430 --> 00:30:58,050
Dad, why don't you show him some moves?
487
00:30:59,870 --> 00:31:02,630
Ethan, it would mean everything.
488
00:31:04,390 --> 00:31:05,390
Dad, please.
489
00:31:05,510 --> 00:31:07,090
My life depends on this.
490
00:31:09,230 --> 00:31:13,090
You are one melodramatic pain in the
ass, Ethan.
491
00:31:17,100 --> 00:31:23,960
Okay. Are you Fong or are you Kim? Which
one are you? What do I call you?
492
00:31:24,900 --> 00:31:25,900
Champong.
493
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:27,400
May I leave?
494
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:29,160
I'd have it no other way.
495
00:32:06,990 --> 00:32:10,650
It's like the paradise warriors are
promised when they die on the
496
00:32:11,630 --> 00:32:13,030
Thank you. Come.
497
00:32:15,390 --> 00:32:18,770
Ah, young Caitlin. And a new knowledge
receptacle.
498
00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:22,990
Yeah. Please, please. We're discussing
quadratic equations.
499
00:32:23,490 --> 00:32:25,610
Oh, that's pretty straightforward.
500
00:32:25,850 --> 00:32:27,670
I have a good way of memorizing it.
501
00:32:27,890 --> 00:32:30,650
Oh, would you mind sharing it with the
class?
502
00:32:32,470 --> 00:32:33,470
Sure.
503
00:32:37,130 --> 00:32:39,970
Um, you sing it along to Pop Goes the
Weasel.
504
00:32:40,530 --> 00:32:47,150
X is equal to negative B plus or minus
the square root of B squared minus 4AC
505
00:32:47,150 --> 00:32:50,250
all over 2A.
506
00:33:00,890 --> 00:33:01,890
Hey.
507
00:33:02,330 --> 00:33:03,590
Jim Jarlowski.
508
00:33:03,850 --> 00:33:06,410
This was one of the best nights of my
life.
509
00:33:07,050 --> 00:33:08,450
I feel grateful to be alive.
510
00:33:08,910 --> 00:33:14,050
That makes two of us. I'll tell you,
thanks to you, Cam Fong, I feel young
511
00:33:14,050 --> 00:33:15,950
coursing through my veins again.
512
00:33:16,490 --> 00:33:18,550
Tomorrow belongs to us, my friend.
513
00:33:19,670 --> 00:33:24,410
I haven't felt this warm and tingly
since I did that adult diaper
514
00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:25,910
You're an actor as well?
515
00:33:26,230 --> 00:33:27,430
My dad's a movie extra.
516
00:33:27,670 --> 00:33:32,190
Dad, maybe we should get going. I've
always felt there's an unexplored aspect
517
00:33:32,190 --> 00:33:33,109
my personality.
518
00:33:33,110 --> 00:33:35,830
An actor inside me yearns to escape.
519
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,040
Do you do a German accent?
520
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:44,160
I may know of a part for you.
521
00:33:45,620 --> 00:33:46,620
A toast.
522
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:48,980
To our new friendship. Yay!
523
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:10,360
Right on time.
524
00:34:10,580 --> 00:34:12,159
Nice to have prompt service.
525
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,480
Well, Dwight, don't expect repeat.
526
00:34:16,219 --> 00:34:17,219
My money, please.
527
00:34:17,980 --> 00:34:20,159
Oh, you'll get it after I sell this.
528
00:34:21,380 --> 00:34:22,940
You want it, you pay for it.
529
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:24,480
Now.
530
00:34:27,940 --> 00:34:31,460
I can't breathe.
531
00:34:37,870 --> 00:34:40,010
You'll be backing off the lady now.
532
00:34:40,350 --> 00:34:42,050
I said get your hands off.
533
00:34:43,770 --> 00:34:45,110
You hear what I'm saying, punk?
534
00:34:47,210 --> 00:34:51,870
I know judo.
535
00:34:52,070 --> 00:34:54,070
And I know how to pummel your face.
536
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:18,320
I killed him.
537
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:20,900
It's all right. It was an accident.
538
00:35:21,220 --> 00:35:24,380
It's not all right, Carol. Mary Jane is
a gateway drug. Look at me.
539
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,400
I bought my first bag of dope today and
I've already killed a man. Steven,
540
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:28,520
focus.
541
00:35:29,660 --> 00:35:30,660
What do we do?
542
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,900
Trust me, moving dead bodies around this
city is harder than you think.
543
00:35:35,380 --> 00:35:37,000
In there. Back up the car. What?
544
00:36:17,650 --> 00:36:19,150
You're a brave woman, Carol.
545
00:36:23,470 --> 00:36:24,470
Carol.
546
00:36:31,830 --> 00:36:32,830
Steven.
547
00:36:36,710 --> 00:36:38,250
Carol, are you okay? How did you sleep?
548
00:36:38,950 --> 00:36:42,950
I had better nights. Carol, all I kept
thinking was just that you needed to be
549
00:36:42,950 --> 00:36:44,350
held and comforted. No, no.
550
00:36:44,630 --> 00:36:47,550
No, no, Carol. It's all right. It's all
right. I'm here.
551
00:36:48,270 --> 00:36:49,169
I'm here.
552
00:36:49,170 --> 00:36:51,410
Okay. I'm here. It's okay.
553
00:36:51,890 --> 00:36:52,890
It's okay.
554
00:36:53,590 --> 00:36:54,710
Carol, I killed a man.
555
00:36:59,010 --> 00:37:00,010
Listen.
556
00:37:00,870 --> 00:37:02,090
These things happen.
557
00:37:02,930 --> 00:37:04,850
You just have to let it go.
558
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:09,800
No, Stephen.
559
00:37:10,180 --> 00:37:11,180
Stephen.
560
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:17,260
When Jim lost his job years ago, we
thought everything was over.
561
00:37:17,660 --> 00:37:19,880
But we've rebuilt.
562
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,380
Stronger. Like a bone that heals.
563
00:37:27,020 --> 00:37:28,360
Oh, Carol.
564
00:37:29,500 --> 00:37:32,880
You always know what to say to make me
feel better.
565
00:37:33,780 --> 00:37:35,180
You've got me blushing.
566
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:37,740
Oh. Hello.
567
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,120
Just back here. Thank you.
568
00:37:41,980 --> 00:37:44,220
Help me plant Shasta daisies.
569
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:47,860
Together we'll nurture new life.
570
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:54,020
Cam, how'd it go? Your director has some
news for you.
571
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:55,520
Don't you, Roland?
572
00:37:56,900 --> 00:37:57,900
Yeah.
573
00:37:58,260 --> 00:38:02,140
I spoke with the studio and I demanded
that...
574
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:06,720
Either you play the role of Herman
Gehring without an accent or I quit the
575
00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:07,720
picture.
576
00:38:08,340 --> 00:38:12,040
Congratulations, Jim. My first speaking
role.
577
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:15,400
Give me some gummy bears from craft
service.
578
00:38:15,620 --> 00:38:16,620
Yes, Mr. Fong, right away.
579
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:18,640
None for me.
580
00:38:20,020 --> 00:38:23,140
Roland told me if it weren't for the
accent, you would have played Gehring.
581
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,540
Cam, you're the best friend a Nazi ever
had.
582
00:38:27,540 --> 00:38:30,800
But no, no, no, 999, I can't.
583
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:36,400
It's a deeply German role, this Garing
thing, and I just have way too much
584
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:41,080
respect for the art form to allow some
director to tamper with a screenwriter's
585
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:42,580
vision. I can't. I can't do it.
586
00:38:44,020 --> 00:38:45,640
But we can always dance.
587
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:49,800
Got a little shuffle thing I call the
Huffy Puffy. Want to see it?
588
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:53,600
Join up.
589
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:59,980
And one and two and three and four and
one and two.
590
00:39:02,090 --> 00:39:03,390
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
591
00:39:04,850 --> 00:39:09,390
Gwyneth called me five times last night
to make sure I was content.
592
00:39:11,250 --> 00:39:13,990
Get my name off that Posh 1000 website
now.
593
00:39:14,410 --> 00:39:15,790
Don't you want to impress your parents?
594
00:39:22,750 --> 00:39:23,750
Done.
595
00:39:24,850 --> 00:39:25,850
So I'm off?
596
00:39:26,110 --> 00:39:27,110
Not quite.
597
00:39:27,390 --> 00:39:30,090
I've notified them that you've been
impregnated by a Frenchman.
598
00:39:30,430 --> 00:39:31,430
What?
599
00:39:38,590 --> 00:39:39,590
Yeah.
600
00:39:41,330 --> 00:39:45,570
Merci. Ethan, I feel badly about giving
away all your clothes.
601
00:39:46,290 --> 00:39:47,290
So here.
602
00:39:49,390 --> 00:39:51,070
A vintage Defendoid shirt.
603
00:39:51,610 --> 00:39:53,230
You can barely find these on eBay.
604
00:39:54,330 --> 00:39:55,330
Thank you.
605
00:39:58,490 --> 00:39:59,630
You're such a good friend.
606
00:40:05,830 --> 00:40:07,630
Whoa, how was your night?
607
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:12,940
Hey, Steve -O.
608
00:40:16,220 --> 00:40:17,600
Podsters, good morning.
609
00:40:18,100 --> 00:40:21,600
Ethan, my reptile cortex has got a sweet
tooth for some eye candy.
610
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,220
You're in a good mood today.
611
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:27,020
That I am, Ethan, that I am. It's a new
day. A fresh start.
612
00:40:27,260 --> 00:40:28,260
The world's alive.
613
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:29,439
We're alive.
614
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:32,140
A little video game magic is what you
need, Steve -O. Huh?
615
00:40:32,700 --> 00:40:33,700
Have a seat.
616
00:40:50,570 --> 00:40:52,770
Steve, I'm sorry. It's a bug. We'll fix
it.
617
00:40:53,170 --> 00:40:54,170
Damn it, Ethan.
618
00:40:54,230 --> 00:40:58,870
What do I have to do to keep up with the
creative brilliance of you young
619
00:40:58,870 --> 00:41:04,190
people? I love that. That is the
direction we need to go in. It's gritty.
620
00:41:04,190 --> 00:41:08,390
true to life. Teach these kids that
sometimes life is hard.
621
00:41:09,190 --> 00:41:10,510
I want more gore.
622
00:41:11,270 --> 00:41:12,350
Ethan, more gore.
623
00:41:13,250 --> 00:41:14,450
Does this turtle have a name?
624
00:41:14,750 --> 00:41:16,830
I have a list of potentials.
625
00:41:17,150 --> 00:41:18,150
Dwight.
626
00:41:18,700 --> 00:41:20,120
The turtle's name is Dwight.
627
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:25,440
Dwight.
628
00:41:25,660 --> 00:41:26,660
Dwight.
629
00:41:27,220 --> 00:41:28,220
Dwight.
630
00:41:30,780 --> 00:41:31,780
Thank you.
631
00:41:32,180 --> 00:41:35,860
You all look different to me, I swear.
Now that I've seen you all in person,
632
00:41:35,940 --> 00:41:37,700
I'll come up. Thank you. Yeah?
633
00:41:39,420 --> 00:41:42,220
For all your hard work, now don't spend
it in one place.
634
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:44,920
Have a good trip.
635
00:41:45,140 --> 00:41:46,300
Remember to hydrate.
636
00:41:48,580 --> 00:41:49,580
Thank you.
637
00:41:53,300 --> 00:41:56,640
Promise me you'll all come and visit
once you get settled in California.
638
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,480
Honey, you sure they all got their new U
.S. passport?
639
00:42:04,860 --> 00:42:07,440
Would I flake on my good buddy Cam Fong?
640
00:42:08,580 --> 00:42:11,680
So clever of them to throw all their own
American -looking clothing.
641
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:15,820
Oh, Jim.
642
00:42:17,260 --> 00:42:18,580
Isn't globalization fun?
643
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:20,160
It's almost worldwide.
644
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:24,560
I'm sorry.
645
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,000
I got so upset about your dancing.
646
00:42:27,260 --> 00:42:32,520
It brought back so many bad memories of
those days.
647
00:42:32,820 --> 00:42:36,660
Well, it's all different now. Back then,
the old days, I used to dance to numb
648
00:42:36,660 --> 00:42:41,580
the pain of that boring old death job.
But now when I dance, it's about life,
649
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,940
new friendships, tomorrow.
650
00:42:47,660 --> 00:42:49,020
Mr. Social Conscience.
651
00:42:49,660 --> 00:42:51,780
Did you leave Buzz up next time you
visit?
652
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,640
He'll be happy to know her friends are
now on their way to L .A.
653
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:58,780
So our content absorbs another 20 people
and another 20 dreams.
654
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:02,160
They latched on to your dreams. They
made this for you and your girlfriend.
655
00:43:09,540 --> 00:43:11,640
I think that's for her.
656
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:13,540
Unless there's something you want to
tell me.
657
00:43:17,220 --> 00:43:19,420
She dumped you already, huh?
658
00:43:20,420 --> 00:43:22,660
Nope. We're just friends.
659
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,420
I like the banquet, Ethan, and you're
sitting in the corner chewing on a
660
00:43:29,420 --> 00:43:30,920
breadstick. Thanks for the insight,
Greg.
661
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:33,040
Dude, I'm your big brother. It's my job.
662
00:43:33,940 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaking of which, you ready to get your
ass whipped?
663
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,240
Yeah. One thing you can't beat me at.
Yeah.
664
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:58,800
Now I'm sorry and I'm getting old.
665
00:44:00,820 --> 00:44:02,940
Stop the pain now.
666
00:44:03,620 --> 00:44:05,400
Let the truth unfold.
667
00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:12,740
Truth gives strength to the broken mind.
668
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:16,600
Like a cave,
669
00:44:17,500 --> 00:44:19,740
you can leave the blind.
670
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:26,780
You can watch me or help me please.
671
00:44:28,500 --> 00:44:33,580
But stand behind it, because we're all
in need.
50768
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