All language subtitles for The.Last.Drive-in.with.Joe.Bob.Briggs.S33E08.Dark.Match.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BFM_track3_[eng]

-You know, today is not only
the birthday of the drive-in,

it's the birthday of...

Darcy the ever-loving Mail Girl!

-Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes!

-Whoo!

-Oh, my God.
What the fuck is this, y'all?

Stop this.
This was enough.

Well, thanks.

What's happening with that?
What is that?

-We're celebrating.
What do you mean?
-Fuck you. Fuck you guys.

Oh, my God!

No!
What the fuck is happening?

-♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Darcy ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

-Big wish, big wish.

Go.

-Blow it out! Blow it out!
-Go.

-You blow 'em out, man.

-No, you gotta do it!
You gotta blow it out.

-Ugh! Don't make me do this.

-Do it!
-No!

-Do it!
-No.

-Darcy!
You ruined your own cake.

-I got one.

-Yeah, there you go.
Okay. Yeah!

-Whoo!

-Darcy, you are the most famous
entertainment icon

to emerge
from Charleston, South Carolina.

What hospital were you born in?

-What?
-We need to memorialize it.

What hospital were you born in?
-I don't...

Why does anyone
need to know that?

-All right,
you don't want plaques

on the hospital building,
I guess.

-You know, I will say I was born
at 6:00 a.m.,

so I'm literally
a 666 baby.

-June 6th at 6 a.m. Okay.
And you love that.

-I do.

-But you and Danny McBride
are both from Charleston, right?

-Well, yes.

There's a lot of movie people
from Charleston, though.

Lauren Hutton.

-Who was a supermodel
in -- in the '60s, right?

-Correct,
but more importantly

she was in the greatest
vampire flick ever made.

"Once Bitten"!

-Oh, "Once Bitten," okay.
-Yes, yes.

-Yeah.
-And you know, Andy Dick.

-Andy Dick? Crazy man.
He's from Charleston?

-He is. And let's see, um,
Chadwick Boseman.

-Chadwick Boseman?!
Wow.

The Black Panther himself
comes from Charleston?

-Yeah.
-Okay, cool.

-Thomas Gibson.
-Thomas Gibson, great actor.

-He does the ASPCA commercials
or whatever.

The heart, the pride, though,
of Charleston

is the one, the only
Miss Bobbie Phillips.

-Bobbie...
-Yes!

-What now?
Bobbie Phillips?

-Yes.
I said what I said.

-Fitness model?
Or who is Bobbie Phillips?

-Oh, my...

I'm gonna forget
you said that.

You might remember her in her
biggest movie role, "Showgirls,"

but it was like a small part,
but, you know, she was great.

-"Showgirls." No, I know the
whole cast from "Showgirls."

Bobbie Phillips.
Okay.

So then you know.
Yes.

She was always the
hot naked chick in every show.

And after I realized I could
not become a marine biologist,

um, that's what I decided
I wanted to be --

the hot naked chick.

-You wanted to be the hot naked
chick in every show?

-Yes.
Thank you, Bobbie Phillips.

-All right,
you realize that right now

several thousand guys
are googling

"hot naked chick
Bobbie Phillips"?

-Yes.
And you're welcome for that.

They're gonna be happy
with what they find out.

She was on "Married...
with Children" like you.

-Oh! Well, they did have
a hot chick every episode

of "Married... with Children."

Not naked, though.

-I mean, it was on TV,

but as close to naked
as they could get.

-All right,
so we've established

that Bobbie Phillips is
the second-most-awesome person

ever born in Charleston,
South Carolina,

Darcy being the first.

And because of that,

you are picking our second movie
tonight, and it is...

-"Dark Match"!
-"Dark Match"!

-Whoo!
Can I get more beer?

-The first movie to merge the
worlds of wrestling and horror.

-Oh, what?
No, it's definitely not that.

-There are other movies in
the wrestling horror subgenre?

-Yeah, like
"Pro wrestlers vs Zombies."

That's the obvious one
that comes to mind.

-Oh, okay.
I missed that one.

-What? Roddy was in it.
-Roddy Piper.

-Yeah, and Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

-Your friend
Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

-I mean, we've met. Um, yeah.
I wouldn't say we're friends.

-What makes what makes
"Pro Wrestlers vs Zombies"
so good?

-Uh, well,
pro wrestlers fight zombies.

- Okay.
- What more do you need?

-But "Dark Match" is your
favorite wrestling movie, right?

-Oh,
just wrestling in general?

I mean, I love it,

but I would be lying
if I said it was my favorite

because
"Ready to Rumble" exists.

-"Ready to Rumble"?
That sounds like a boxing movie.

That's Michael Buffer's line.

"Let's get ready to rumble,"
you know?

-I feel like you can do it
better than that.

But I do remember --
I remember that movie, though,

from the days of the legendary
WCW wrestling franchise

when I was working at TNT
back in the '90s.

-Yeah. It's awesome.

It's actually a comedy,

and it stars
my all-time favorite actor,

Mr. David Arquette.

-From "Scream."
David Arquette from "Scream."

-Well, yes, but he is
so much more than that.

And he actually became
a pro wrestler after that.

-I -- you know, I know that.
I remember that.

And David Arquette
actually became

the WCW world champion right
before WCW went out of business.

-We don't talk about
that part of it, just champion.

-He defeated --

if I'm remembering
this correctly,

he defeated Eric Bischoff
for the title.

Eric Bischoff was the executive
who ran WCW for TNT.

-It was great.
It was wonderful.

-I actually think
"Ready to Rumble"

was a WCW movie, right?

-I think so, yeah.
And it's amazing.

-So how does "Dark Match"
compare to "Ready to Rumble"?

-Pfft. I mean,
you can't really compare them.

-Wrestling movies do not have
a good reputation, though.

-I mean, honestly, though,

what actually counts
as a wrestling movie?

Because, like,
would "Santa's Slay" count?

-No. I mean...

-It's wrestle-centric.

It stars Goldberg,
who's a wrestler,

but it's really just
a great Christmas movie.

-What about
"Santa with Muscles"?

-What about the -- no.

What about the Darren Aronofsky
movie "The Wrestler"?

Oh, I've never seen that one.

-What?!

Mickey Rourke,
probably his greatest role.

Marisa Tomei.

I mean, how could a wrestling
aficionado like yourself

pass on "The Wrestler"?

-Because I heard it was sad,
and I just --

I hate watching sad movies.

-Well, I can see
how people would say it's sad,

but I don't find it sad.

Anyway, "Dark Match"
tries to be about wrestling,

while it's also about something
more than wrestling.

And it's made
by the greatest director

in Saskatchewan -- Lowell Dean.

-Whoo!
-Yeah.

-Lowell is the auteur
behind "WolfCap" -- "WolfCop."

"WolfCap."
That's another movie.
-Whoo! "WolfCap"!

-"WolfCop," which we had
on the show back in 2019.

-I love "WolfCap."
So good, so good.

-And Lowell Dean is
here tonight.

-Yay!

-And he's going to
be coming out later

because he heard it was
your birthday

and he wanted to be here,
Darcy.

-That is a lie, but I am
very happy that he's here.

-All right.
So tell us about "dark match."

The only time --
the term "dark match."

Because the only time
I ever heard

the term "dark match"
is they use it to describe

matches that are not on TV.

And that's
why they call them dark.

Like, the match
that the live audience sees

but the TV audience
does not see,

like, before or after
the TV match.

And isn't that
where they feature new acts

and young wrestlers in training
and entertainers

who are not yet famous?

-Yeah, it's basically
used to describe matches

that are not televised on nights

when, like, some of the matches
are televised.

-Okay, so tell me
why you love "Dark Match."

Besides the cool feature role
by our friend Chris Jericho.

Whoo!

-Yay.
Um, I don't know, it's fun?

It's got wrestling
and amazing effects,

fire, humor --
but not too much humor.

And I really love
the main character.

Yeah.
-Ayisha Issa...

-She's amazing.

-...is that actress.
Female lead!

-Yeah.
-In a wrestling movie. Who knew?

-Yes. Thank you.
That's amazing.

Plus, I love
seeing the Canadians --

like, the Canadians know
the landscape.

It's beautiful.

And of course, I'm sorry,
I have to re-mention,

it stars the GOAT.

-Chris Jericho.
-Damn right.

-All right.
Greatest of all time.

-Greatest of all time!
-You're his biggest fan.

And you do know wrestling.

You do know wrestling

because you're a ringside
regular at AEW wrestling events.

I saw you get called out one
night on the air by Billy Gunn.

-He mostly did it off the air.

-He actually addressed you
from the ring, right?

-He -- He was obnoxious,
yes.

-It went viral.
You're like --

-I don't think you know
what "viral" means. Anyway.

-No, you're like Jack Nicholson
was for the Lakers.

You're the number-one
ringside fan,

and everybody notices you
at the matches.

-You are ridiculous.

But I honestly try
not to be on camera that much.

I always sit on what's called
the "hard cam" side.

It's the camera is pointed to
the other side of the ring.

So, like, you see the back
of my head a lot.

-Okay, well,

apparently that cameraman
occasionally turns

that sucker around, because I
have seen you on those matches.

-He gets obnoxious too.

And before
we get to the movie,

I just wanted to say
that the reason

I admire wrestlers myself,
um --

and some of the roles
in the movie tonight

are played by
actual wrestlers.

Others are actors pretending
to be wrestlers.

What's cool about the movie

is you probably will not be
able to tell the difference

if you don't already know
the wrestling personalities.

But the question
people always ask is,

"How can you watch
all that stuff?

Isn't it all fake?"

And the answer is,
no, it is not.

And I think the reason
there's such a strong crossover

between wrestling fans
and horror fans

is that they're
kind of similar art forms

because they require the
willing suspension of disbelief.

Who said that?

Um, I love that phrase --

"Willing suspension
of disbelief."

Coleridge said that.

The Romantic poet
Samuel Taylor Coleridge,

guy who wrote "The Rime
of the Ancient Mariner"

with the albatross and all that.

Anyway, I used to write a kind
of gonzo column for newspapers,

and people would say,
"Now, Joe Bob is all that real

that you're writing about
in the column, or is it fake?"

And I would say, "Yes,"
because it was both.

And when you can't tell
where the real ends

and the fake begins,

and sometimes you can't tell
where the fake begins

and the real ends...

-I thought that was all true.

No.

...and the fake is really
just an exaggeration

of the real to begin with,

and sometimes you got real
and fake all mixed up together,

it becomes interesting
to people.

But here's the part
that nobody would understand

unless they're a writer
or actor,

is that the fake version
of the real

can be more real than the real.

-What?
-Don't ask me to explain it.

-I need more beer.

-You kind of learn
that through the process.

As any good novelist
or screenwriter can tell you,

you have to get fake
to get real.

And wrestlers are the same way.

Is it fake? Is it real?
Yes!

These are athletes,
but they're also artists.

And this movie kind of
brings out that aspect of it.

I know you, Darcy,

you like to believe
every storyline in wrestling

is absolutely true.

-Because it is.
What are you talking about?

-And there are Grinches
on the Internet

who want to detail

how every wrestling
storyline is absolutely false

and every impressive stunt is
actually a pulled punch.

-In the immortal words
of David Arquette,

"Wrestling's not fake."

-I remember talking to
your friend the Blade.

I remember talking to the Blade
at our second Jamboree.

He was one of our guests.

And the Blade is a wrestler
for AEW,

and he said
when he first got into the sport

at his training school,

he asked him
how they were able to fake

those metal-folding-chair hits.

You know,
like when they grab

folding chairs
out of the audience,

and they hit each other on the
on the back or over the head.

And the veteran wrestlers
were like,

"What are you talking about,
rookie?

If you get hit
with a metal folding chair,

you get hitwith
a metal folding chair."

He thought they were
breakaway chairs

or soft fabric chairs
or something.

No, they're just metal chairs.

They really do hit you,
and you feel that.

Now, the same thing with blood.

If you stay in wrestling long
enough, you're gonna get cut.

You're gonna get
blood covered.

-True.

-So there was another wrestler
that I met,

a wrestler named Michael Hayes
and, um -- of the Freebirds,

And he demonstrated for me
one time the fine art

of the razor blade indentation
in the skin,

where you take
a razor blade

and you put
a crease in your epidermis...

-Why are you telling
people about that?

-...so that -- it's just
a little crease,

you know, it doesn't bleed,

but as soon
as that place gets a direct hit,

blood splatters
all over the place.

-What?!
-So, yeah,
they're they're badasses.

They do that.
-I'm shocked I'm hearing this
for the first time.

-Who was it that took
the hypodermic needle

through the cheek in Chicago?

-Swerve!
Swerve Strickland.

-Swerve Strickland.
Yeah. Damn, Darcy.

That was one of the few times
I was with you at a match,

because we were --
our Jamboree auction winners --

-No, our Christmas
charity auction winners.

-Oh, I'm sorry.
-Yes.

-Our Christmas
charity auction winners,

um, Will and Tiffany were, uh --

that was their prize...
-That was their present.

-...at the Chicago match.

-That was so good.
You're welcome.

-But anyway, they did that
right in front of us.

We were ringside,
and I was like,

"Well, they're not
really gonna do that.

They're not going to put that
hypodermic through his head."

-Yes, they are.
-And they did it!

-And it was amazing!
-Okay, well...

- Cowboy shit!
- Cowboy shit!

If you know, you know.

-That's something
they chant at the things.
Okay.

-Well, let's get this
birthday party started.
Do you enjoy birthdays?

-Hell yeah. How do you
not enjoy all this?
Whoo!

-Well, would you consider it

a fitting birthday present,
Darcy,

if I said I am entrusting you

to do the Drive-In totals
on "Dark Match"?

What? You're gonna make
me work for my birthday?

-Or you don't have to.

What?

-All right,
you do the Drive-In totals.

-Fine.
-I want you to do

the Drive-In totals
on your birthday.

I'll do the
Drive-In Academy Awards, okay?

It's Darcy night on
"The Last Drive-In," and, um...

-This is too much pressure.

Y'all got to join me with this,
okay?

-Okay.
-All right.

-"Dark Match," the sensitive
story of the seasoned veterans

of a small-time outfit called
Stars of Amateur Wrestling --
SAW --

owned by a sleazy promoter
named Rusty Beans.

The roster includes
tag teams Thick and Thin

and the Beast Brothers,

Kid Humble, Lazarus Smashley,
Kate the Great,

Enigma Jones,
Mean Joe Lean, and Miss Behave.

So already you can tell
this was written by somebody

who appreciates the fine art
of the double-reverse

upside-down
belly-button suplex.

Plus, it's set in the great
wrestling decade of the 1980s.

And Miss Behave is frustrated

because she's stuck
in the "heel" role,

while Kate the Great is
a "face" being scouted

for the big leagues.

So Miss Behave is thinking
of leaving SAW

when a call comes
offering the group big money

to do a dark match,

a non-televised event
in the middle of nowhere,

and not just the middle
of nowhere --

the middle of nowhere
in Alberta in the winter.

So of course
this is not a good idea,

but they all need the cash.

So Thick and Thin,
Enigma, Mean Joe,

Miss Behave, and Kate the Great
pile into Rusty's van

and head off through
the frozen Canadian countryside.

I think they also have
a Winnebago, I think.

everybody else
goes in the Winnebago.

After some
poorly motivated car trouble,

they arrive at what looks like
a refurbished airplane hangar

to find a drug-and-booze-fueled
party already underway.

And they're greeted
by the Leader,

who Mean Joe recognizes
as the Prophet,

his archenemy from earlier
in their careers,

and the Leader/Prophet
tells his followers

and the wrestlers to drink up

because tomorrow is
the big event.

And pretty soon
the matches get underway,

except the losers
need to die in the ring.

And it's all being recorded,
and it's also a satanic ritual.

So, sure, we've seen it before,

but have we seen it with a card
based on the elements of air,

water, earth, fire, and spirit?

Darcy.
-What?

-Anything to add?
-Oh, no, you did good.

-Okay. It's your birthday
and your movie.

And here's your moment, Darcy.
Ready?

-Ready.
-Go for it!

- Really?
- Yeah. Do the Drive-In totals.

-All right, bitch, let's do it.

We have 12 dead bodies.

-Yeah!

-Four dead -- oh, wait, no.

Four breasts.
-Yes! Whoo!

-Yes. Throat slicing.

-Yeah!
-Twice.

-Yeah.
-Neck snapping, twice.

-All right.
-Shoulder breaking.

-Yeah.
-Sacred blade to the hand.

-Okay.

-Sacred blade to the chest.
-All right.

-Okay...
-Sorry.

-One opening poem.

-"Five deaths in the ring,
that is the thing."

-Do I interrupt
your drive-in totals?

-I'm sorry.
That's the poem.

That is the opening poem.
-Okay.

-One suspicious
road-match booking.

-Okay.

-Drug-induced aardvarking.
Whoo!

-Yeah.
-Human branding.

-Okay.

-One wind match,
with giant floor fan.

- Eh.
- Okay.

One water match,
with ceiling sprayers.

-Better.
-Okay.

One earth match, with
big dirt pile and broken glass.

-Okay, good.
Broken glass is good.
-We like that.

One fire match,
with flaming turnbuckles.

-Turnbuckles are good.

-I'm gonna start
doing this to yours.

-Okay.

-One spirit match, with
steel cage and Chris Jericho.

-Yeah!

-VHS tape destruction.
-Okay.

-Gratuitous Lupercalia.
-Lupercalia.

-Yes.
Why are you doing this?

Gratuitous green
breakfast Jell-O.

-Okay.

-Gratuitous use of that
"Word Up" song by Cameo.

-Okay.

-Mace fu.

Chain fu.
-Okay.

-That Muay Thai thing where
they dip their hand in the --

their, like,
handwraps in the glue

and then in broken glass fu.

-Okay.
-Whatever that shit's called fu.

Big shard of broken glass Fu.
-Okay.

-Pitchfork fu.
-Love pitchfork fu.

-We love pitchfork fu.

-Okay.
-Did I do it?

-Excellent
drive-in total delivery, Darcy.
-Yay! Thank you.

-And Drive-In Academy Award
nominations for Jonathan Cherry

as the sleazy Rusty Beans,
for telling Miss Behave,

"I know you want to be
Snow White, okay,

but somebody's got to be
the witch."

Sara Canning
as Katie the Great, for --

Kate the Great, sorry --

for pretending
to be America's sweetheart

while secretly being
out for revenge

and for saying,
"This league is a sausage fest."

Steven Ogg as Mean Joe Lean

for knowing
the Prophet's backstory

and for trying to stay true
to Miss Behave

by saying,
"I don't do road flings,"

right before he does
a road fling.

Chris Jericho as the Prophet,
for handling all the speeches

and for saying,

"I defy anyone watching
to call what we do fake.

Not tonight."

-"Or tonight."

-Mo Adan
as the silent Enigma Jones,

who damn near steals the show
for uttering only one word.

-Yeah.

-Ayisha Issa
for kicking butt as Miss Behave

and for saying,
"Let's do some damage."

Karim Hussain,

the cinematographer,
for being so true to the '80s

that he shoots some of the fight
sequences with a VHS camcorder.

And Lowell Dean,
the writer and director,

for giving us the
wrestling horror flick

we didn't know we needed.

How many stars, Darcy?

-Five billion stars.

-Okay, four stars.
-Darcy says check it out.

-All right.
All right.

And a shout-out to everybody
in Charleston, South Carolina,

Darcy's hometown...

-Chucktown!

-...Including our buddy
David Gordon Green.

-Yeah! DGG!
-He's in Charleston.

The director who brought
the "Halloween" movies

back from the crypt.
-You're welcome.

-He runs his operation
out of Charleston.

But when you think about it,
Darcy,

Charleston is
really the birthplace

of American show business,

because the
Dock Street Theatre --

downtown Charleston,
you know that place.

First theater in America.
1736.

I don't know what kind of
American plays they had in 1736.

Probably a lot of men
with French cuffs

and handlebar mustaches
making the ladies flutter.

-Flutter.

-Yeah, you know, the dandies
make the ladies feel naughty.

-Oh, don't I know it?

-So, because a lot of places
in the 18th century

considered the theater immoral.

And so it was banned.

-Yeah, but not in Charleston,
baby.

-No!
Decadent then, decadent now.

-Nobody tells
Charleston what to do.

-That's how -- yeah,
that's how you got the moxie,

growing up there.

That's how you got the moxie to
offend the moral sensibilities

of Billy Gunn,

a wrestler who wears
tight pink short shorts

and calls himself Daddy Ass.

Yes, apparently.

-Did you ever go to see stuff
at the Dock Street Theatre?

-Yeah, actually, we used to
go on field trips there
all the time.

I think I saw "Porgy and Bess,"
for sure.

And maybe "The Nutcracker."
Just mainstream stuff like that.

-Really?
Well, that's boring.

-Yes, it is. I don't want to see
"Porgy and Bess" ever again.

-No immoral or decadent
avant garde, nasty, horrific,

controversial play
with a hot naked chick?

-Sadly, no.
Nothing like that.

-They need to get back to
their roots.

-Agreed. Yes.

-Happy birthday, Darcy.

It's David Arquette --

Dewey from the "Scream" movies
or WCW world champion.

That's right.
Happy, happy birthday.

Here's to many more.
Have a great one.

Love you.

-Five deaths in the ring.

That is the thing.

-♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ If you don't like ♪

-Miss Behave, you're up.

Miss!

-I heard you.

-Break a leg.

-♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ Raise a little hell ♪

♪ If you don't
like what you see ♪

♪ If you know there's
something wrong ♪

♪ Why don't you right it? ♪

-Boo.

-♪ Comes down
to your thinking ♪

♪ And it's really
not too late ♪

-Boo!

-Welcome back
to SAW Wrestling.

We've got quite the
lineup for you tonight.

I'm Rusty Beans.

Check it out.

First up, it's a tag team.

Number 11, Beast Brothers,
tear into Thick and Thin,

those obnoxious,
Bible-thumping hooligans.

It's animal instinct
versus religion,

a tale as old as time.

-Ooh!

-I'm so damn --

-Handsome!

-Next up, Kid Humble.

-Enter Enigma Jones,
the mute masked menace.

Why has Enigma taken
a vow of silence?

Some say it's a respect
for the craft of wrestling,

and some of the ladies
say it's because he's shy.

-Oh!

Oh!
Whoa!

Ah!

Ah!

-Next, the most
heated rivalry in SAW,

the hero, Lazarus Smashley...

-I love you, Lazarus!

-I love you, too, baby.

-...versus the hated
heel, Mean Joe Lean!

-Oh!

-Joe Lean's got him in his
classic, the Joe Lean cuisine.

-Ah!

Kate the Great!

-No code is complete
without a ladies' match.

Prairie-grown sweetheart
Kate the Great faces off

against the woman
you love to hate,

Trinidadian trickster
Miss Behave.

Nice.

-Thanks, DDT.

-Make it pretty.

I got a special
fan here tonight.

A talent scout from
the big leagues.

-That's why they
call her Kate,

and that is why she's great.

She came out of nowhere and
shot straight to the top.

Miss Behave...

-Woo!

-...on the other hand,
is going nowhere.

-She's fueled by rage,
but sorry, Miss, someone's

gotta be the bad guy.

-Ah!
Stop screwing around!

-Ugh!

-Referee, do something!

Do your job!

-Stop it!

-Did you get that?

You are watching the
modern age of wrestling.

This is 1988.

-It's only here on SAW.

-Right?

Thanks for making me look good.

Kate the Great!

Kate the Great!

Kate the Great!

-What?
What the hell, Nick?

-Ooh!

-Ladies and gentlemen,
that was an epic

battle, one for the ages.

And we will be here again next
week, same time, same channel.

Keep fighting.

Rusty Beans, head
manager of SAW.

How can I assist you?

You're still trying
to explain yourself.

Look, I told you, I got it.

We got a great
roster right now.

Have you seen Kate the Great?

She's gonna be a star.

Listen, make me an offer.

-Hey, Nick.

What you're feeling
right now is karma.

-She goaded me, Rusty.

-Come on.

The League is fining
you half your fee.

-What?

The holidays wiped
me out, Rusty.

I need the money.
-All right.

Well, then you
should have thought

of that before you got so
creative with your backhand.

Why would you do that?

Is it 'cause of that scout,
or do you hate Kate that much?

-I don't hate Kate.

I don't even know Kate.

-Listen, I know you want
to be Snow White, okay?

But somebody's
gotta be the witch.

That's a really
interesting choice of words--

Snow White?

-Nick, how many years
have you been with me,

and how many women have
you ever seen sling

the belt over their shoulder?

And don't get me wrong.

I know that you would go to
hell and back for a title shot.

But that's a fantasy.

And this is reality.

-You know I'm
better than this.

-It's delusions of grandeur.

Okay?

It's from the concussions.

It'll pass.

Now, things are about to
get real weird in here.

So you can either stay or
you can go unwind the way

you like to.

And I will clean up this mess.

I thought I
handled that very well.

-What is going on in there?

-I was gonna have to quit.

You're obsessed,
not to mention awesome,

at what you do.

You couldn't quit
if you wanted to.

-Well, I'm sick
and tired of banging

my head against the wall.

And this league obviously
doesn't want me, so.

-They want you, just not how
you want them to want you.

Welcome back to SAW
Royal Rumble, 1979.

Mean Joe Lean is fired up.

But does he have what it takes
to challenge the Prophet?

-What a nut job.

I hated that guy.

The followers are giving
the Prophet strength.

Joe's in trouble now.

-That's all I want.

At least you had
a real rivalry.

Title shot.

Joe's lost the upper hand.

The Prophet's got him
in his crucifix hold.

Hey.

-What?

-Should I leave you two alone?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

Come on.
I thought you were injured.

-Yeah, well, you
know us women.

We bounce back fast.

I wonder what your fans
would say if they knew

we were wrestling in the nude.

-Well, I tell you.

I tell you, if my fans
had any sense whatsoever,

they would be so jealous.

Ladies and gentlemen,
you are watching SAW,

pro wrestling at its finest.

-Mm, seriously?
-What?

No, no, no, no.

The Prophet is
your chosen one.

Who's the chosen one now, huh?

Who's the chosen one now?

Rusty Beans,
head manager of SAW.

How can I assist you?
-Hello again.

I'm calling
to repeat my offer.

-This again.

Listen, pal, it's like I
said to your associate.

I would love to expand into
your neck of the woods,

but, uh, without a
minimum guaranteed

attendance or a healthy upfront
deposit, it's not feasible.

Well, we'd love to host
your wrestlers

for an evening event
in our town of Shellbrook.

We have the money.

- We're willing to pay.
- Okay.

-How much?
-All right.

Well, that would require --

and -- and, like, I'm
just spitballing here --

um, family rate, 50K.

-That works for us.

But it's gotta be
this weekend.

-You don't say?

Okay, well, then, allow me to,
uh, speak with my associates,

and, uh, I'll get back to you.

I'm fucking rich.

Fucking rich!

-Yeah?

Listen, Rusty,
are you firing me?

Wait, how much?

For a dark match?

Hey.

-There's my new
favorite wrestler,

Delusions of Grandeur.

-Ha.
That's not funny.

-Hey, you said you
wanted more money.

I got you more money.
Are you excited?

-Yeah, I'm excited.
-Good.

-Come on, amigo.
-Hey, hey, hey!

It's a rental!

-Shit, shit.

How pissed is Kate?

-Well, we're getting
paid this weekend.

I mean, I'm sure
she'll get over it.

Hey, I said get gas.

Don't go joyriding.
Come on!

-Aw.

-Thanks for showing up.

Some of us are freezing
our nuts off here, toots.

-Poor baby.

-Okay.

-Hey, how's your--

-Healing.

-Yeah, um, I'm really sorry.

I --
-Nick, it's fine.

I'm used to hits to the face.

I just prefer them
to be by accident.

-Okay.

This thing's good.
You guys good?

Why don't you have
a little smooch?

We can use that as an angle.
Cut, go.

-Could you not?

-Hey.

We're good.

-Good?
-Good, okay.

Faces into the luxury
Winnebago, Heels

with me in Old Glory.

-♪ Devil you ♪

♪ When will you ever learn ♪

-Welcome aboard
Rusty Roadways.

Our destination arrival
time is 6:00 PM --

if we limit piss breaks.

And I'm looking at you,
Enigma.

-Mighty good of you to ride
with us Heels, Rusty.

Come on, Joe.

You know you lot
are my favorite.

Just don't tell, you know.

Kate, what are you doing here?

You're in the wrong van.

-Quit trying to separate us.

We're not in the ring.

Plus, I wanted some girl time.

This league is a sausage fest.

-Listen, I'm just happy you
two are making amends, okay?

Because tomorrow night is
gonna be a barn burner.

Good money, decent crowd.

-Where exactly are we headed?

-As far as I know,
a real rural spot

full of good old boys
and bad country women.

You'll love it.

-Speak for yourself, Rusty.

-♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And all the men that
you hang around with ♪

♪ Now Devil you ♪

♪ Devil you ♪

♪ What you do ♪

Nick.

-Mm.

Hey, are we there yet?

-Uh, not exactly.

-So you're sure you
didn't take it joy riding?

'Cause I told you,
she's delicate.

-Okay, no offense, Rusty,
but if I was joyriding,

it wouldn't be in
this piece of crap.

-Hey, guys, can we
please pick it up, okay?

Because the other ones
are probably there,

and they're eating
into my per diem.

-Hey!

You know, most
managers wouldn't

have talent doing this shit.

-Well, I'm not
"most managers."

-You can say that again.

-Rusty?

-Mm-hmm.

-That doesn't
look like a hotel.

-Is this someone's house?

-Rusty, where's the hotel?

-Just a regular
old road match, huh?

-What?

They're rock and
roll people, Joe.

Our people.

-You got something
you wanna tell us?

-What?

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay, it was supposed
to be a surprise.

Joe, thank you.

I was going to give you
guys part of the gate.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-What percentage of the gate?

-I was thinking,
like, 15% of the gate.

-Oh!

Hey!

-Rusty Beans.
-Oh, welcome.

Welcome.

Oh, so happy you're here!

We were worried you got lost.

-Sorry, car trouble.

-Oh!

Come here.

Oh,
you've had a long day.

You just leave your
belongings to us,

and we'll bring them to
your respective cabins.

-Hey, hear that, Joe?

Respective cabins.

You happy?

-I hope you brought
your appetites.

-Yeah, we did.

-Come on, this way.

-Where are the others?

-Oh, they've been
here for hours.

-Nick!

Come on!

-♪ Well, the night's begun ♪

♪ And you want some fun ♪

♪ Do you think you're
gonna find it? ♪

♪ Think you're gonna find it ♪

♪ You got to treat
yourself like number one ♪

-SAW in the house!

-♪ Do you need
to be reminded? ♪

♪ Need to be reminded ♪

♪ It doesn't matter
what you do or say ♪

♪ Just forget the things
that you've been told ♪

♪ We can't do
it any other way ♪

♪ Everybody's got
to rock and roll ♪

♪ Shout it, shout it,
shout it out loud ♪

♪ Shout it ♪

-Hey.

-Hey, hey!

-Get humble.

-Wow!

Well, if it isn't
Kate the Late.

-Are they Jesus
freaks or ex-cons?

-My money is on both.

-The bar is here.

Any drink you want, we got.

And we got hot dogs and
Frenched fries as well.

-Ooh, I just love
Frenched fries.

-Hey, save some drugs
and liquor for us!

-All right, enjoy,
everybody, enjoy!

-♪ Shout it, shout it,
shout it out loud ♪

♪ Shout it, shout it,
shout it out loud ♪

-One of those green drinks
you're passing around, please.

Thank you.

Mm, try the --

-Turpentine.

-Nervous about your
rematch with Kate?

-No, she said we
buried the hatchet.

-So out of curiosity, if Kate
broke kayfabe at your expense,

would you let her off so easy?

-Kate can't break kayfabe.

She's not acting.

Look, that's how she really is.

When your life's perfect,
you don't have to pretend.

-Well, forget about her, okay?

What?
It's even close.

-Stop.

I said, stop.

-What?

-That ain't right.

-Oh, racism in a small town.

Imagine that, huh?

Hey, can I help
you with something?

Is there a problem?

-No problem, just nice to
see two SAW legends getting

so cozy.

-Okay.
-Just ignore them, okay?

Focus on us.

-You need to stop saying that.

There's no us.

I got to go take a piss.

-Look, it's almost
the '90s, okay?

No one cares that
we're together!

-Whoa!

Sorry.

-Miss Behave.

-That's me.

Actually, I think I'm lost.

-In what sense?

-Bathroom sense.

-Up the stairs, third
door on your left.

-Thanks.

And the girlfriend of the
year award goes to this bitch.

-♪ You know what it
takes to get to me now ♪

-Gather round.

He speaks!

-My children, a glorious
Lupercalia to all of you

and a most blessed Lupercalia
to our formidable guests

of honor.

Look around you,
so many touched souls.

All of us have endured
pain and hardship

and have made sacrifices.

-Yes, leader!

-I promise you,
I see your sacrifices.

He sees your sacrifices.

-Jesus freaks,
I fucking knew it.

-So to all of you
who possess a daring

spirit and a
restless soul, to all

of you who are fired up
with love for liberty,

I salute you.

We can conquer the heavens.

The power to do so
is within our grasp.

-Yes, leader!

-It's ours to claim, as
long as we are bold enough.

So raise your glasses,
to sacrifice.

-To sacrifice!

-And to our guests
tonight, everything

and everyone is here for you.

-Yes, leader!

-Welcome to paradise.

-No, no fucking way.

Laz, hey!

You recognize that guy?

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is a big one.
The anniversary of the drive-in.

And most importantly,
hats off to Darcy,

who also celebrates a birthday
on June 6th, the exact same day.

I feel like this was
meant to be.

-Okay. Who's next?

All right, it's vegan cake, but
the Lone Star makes it edible.

Okay, I like the vibe they
set up here at the beginning

of marginal wrestlers
on the indie circuit

grateful for
the little road job --

"dark match" meaning
it's not a televised match --

with a total take
of $50,000 for the whole show,

a number that makes
Rusty Beans, the sleazy manager,

feel like he's rich.

How many people have to share
that 50 thou, though?

I count at least 20 people
because it's not just the ones

who piled into the van.

There's also a Winnebago
for the other wrestlers

and the nonwrestlers
attached to the SAW team,

SAW standing for, um...

I forget now.
What does SAW stand for?

-Stars of Amateur Wrestling.

-Stars of Amateur Wrestling!
Exactly.

Why would they put
the word "amateur,"

though, in the name
of their company?

They're pros.
They work for money.

-So they can have
a cool acronym.

-Well, yeah,

but it could have been
Strong-Arm Wrestling

or Super Awesome Wrestling.

I mean, they got a lot of words
to work with to get SAW.

-I feel like so we know
that they're indie wrestlers.

-It's kind of like
Ring of Honor, right?

-Yeah, actually,
it kind of is.

-Explain Ring of Honor.
What is that?

-Ring of Honor is
like a sister promotion to AEW

that's only televised if --

like, you can watch it
on the app, really.

Sometimes when you go
to AEW matches,

they do Ring of Honor matches

before or after the actual
televised matches.

-Okay, well, that's what
I'm thinking we have here.

Filmmaker Lowell Dean
wants us to know

that we're working with
some lame-os.

And Rusty Beans...
-Maybe.

-...is the head honcho

and Mean Joe Lean, the sort-of
boyfriend of Miss Behave,

he had his greatest moment
in the ring nine years ago.

The movie was filmed
in northern Alberta,

out where there ain't
no cell service no more.

And it kind of reminds me
of the Death Tour.

You know
what the Death Tour is?

-Yeah, of course.

Canadian wrestlers
all talk about it.

And Jericho,
he did a talk about it.

-Oh, so the Death Tour --
I'll see if I can describe it.

It's an annual event.
It's three weeks long.

And it's where wrestlers
from all over gather together

and they travel by car
on these bad roads

to the farthest northern parts
of Canada,

where the Eskimos live,
and they do shows for people

who are never exposed
to wrestling otherwise.

And the reason
they call it the Death Tour

is that there are no hotels,

every wrestler brings
his own sleeping bag and food.

It's in January and February,

the coldest time of the year in
the coldest place on the planet.

And they sleep
in unheated gymnasiums

and sometimes in the ring
where they just performed,

and sometimes in the bus
or in a car.

Sometimes they sleep
on the side of the road.

And they wrestle every day.

And the experience is so rough
that a lot of guys

can't last all three weeks.

They go home early.

And a lot of young wrestlers
give up the sport entirely

after going on the Death Tour.
-It's understandable.

-So anyway, it's a badge of
honor to do the Death Tour --

well, to complete a death tour.

And Chris Jericho, who
we just saw playing the Prophet,

did the Death Tour twice.

And, um, and actually,
that's not even the record.

Lance Storm did it five times.

And both of those guys
are Canadian, of course,

so they can do
that frigid thing.

But you know who my
favorite Death Tour veteran is?

-Oh, my God,
if you say Don Callis...

-I'm gonna say Don Callis!

Don Callis, he is a genius.

Don Callis, he's a heel manager,
these days, on AEW,

but he did a Death Tour
when he was a wrestler.

-Fuck Don Callis.
Just saying. Fuck Don Callis.

-He's despicable.
He's despicable.

And that's why I love him.

He does despicable so well.
-That's why we love you too.

-He's the most despicable guy
I've ever seen on camera.

Um, but my favorite
Death Tour story is

when Adam Copeland was driving

and he almost drove the crew van
into a hole in an ice lake

that was the size
of a football field.

He would have wiped
out the entire Death Tour.

It's not funny.

-All right, but meanwhile...
-That's funny.

-In the world of "Dark Match,"

everything is looking culty
and druggy, don't you think?

Like some
Northern California hippies

moved to northern Alberta

to have either an orgy
or a séance

or a sensory training class
or to make drug deals.

I'm not sure which.

The Prophet calls it Lupercalia,
which comes from Rome

and which was all about random
sex and animal sacrifice

and lots of whipping
with leather thongs.

It's the "let's get kinky"
Roman holiday.

So we could be headed for
a BDSM dungeon,

but then again

we could be headed for
some high-stakes wrestling.

So let's see where this goes.

Roll the flick.

And Darcy,
as a wrestling insider,

I have a question for you.

If you're a billionaire
and you want to have

a full two-hour
professional wrestling card

in a ring set up
in your backyard

for your nine-year-old son's
birthday party,

is there a price for that?

Can you get that?
Can you do that?

Could you do
a real dark match?

-I feel like there's
a price for everything.

-So how much,

if you want to get
big-name wrestlers,

how much to do a dark match?

-Oh, wow, I would say
a couple hundred thousand

would get you most guys,

but I think there's also gonna
be some guys that no price --

you're gonna get them
at no price.

-At any price?
-Right.

-Um...

-Okay, well, they might have
a price,

but it'd be, like, insane,

"go away unless you're gonna
pay me enough to retire"

kind of money, like...

-Okay,
but if you got four guys...

-How much you want to pay?

-But if you got
four guys who would accept,

you know, an insane amount
of money and you had a ring --

you rented a ring
and you hired a ref

and you hired an announcer,

could you do all of that

for your nine-year-old's
birthday party

in your backyard
for a million?

-Are we doing that
for my birthday party? Aww.

I would say, um,
one to two million...

-One to two million.

-...and you can make a
pretty cool birthday party.

-And there are people

who would consider
that chump change.

I mean, we have a lot of
billionaires in America.

We live in a strange world.

Yes, we do. Yes, we do.

-Hey, this is
Bret "the Hitman" Hart

and I have a very special
happy birthday shout-out

that's going out
to Darcy the Mail Girl

because you are
the excellence of execution

when it comes
to being a mail girl,

and you prove every single day
that you are the best there is,

the best there was,
and the best there ever will be.

Just like the drive-in,
is a day worth remembering.

It's a day to celebrate.

I have a fantastic birthday
and God bless.

-Hey, Carol Ann bears gifts.

-Thank you.

But I think I'm going to pass.

-Oh!

-Hey, I thought the
Heels were the ones

who were breaking the rules.

-Not Miss.

Miss just breaks noses.

-Dude, I thought you said
that we buried the hatchet.

-I'm messing with you!

But from one friend to another,

you've been tense lately, huh?

You could try
chilling the hell out.

Hm?
Come on.

-Okay, just one, because we're
going to wrestle tomorrow.

-She's a one-hit wonder.

-It's good, isn't it?

Now, we have ourselves a party.

-Rusty, Rusty, Rusty!

You know -- you know
who that guy is, right?

You know who the leader is?

-Mean Joe Lean,
I'm your biggest fan!

-I'm flattered.

I don't -- I don't
do road flings.

Can you help me find Nick?

-I can help you with that.

-We should book this
region more often.

-Hey, save some for me.

-You can have
as much as you want.

Where are we going?

Wow.

Wow.

Thank you, officer.

-Happy Lupercalia, sister.

-Happy Luperchonga
to you, too.

You guys aren't real
sisters, are you?

I don't care.

-I got to find Nick.

What's happening?

-So I'm having this dream.

I'm in the ring.

His hand comes out of nowhere.

And he's just --

he's just
holding me down, you know?

Like, I can't breathe.

It's weird.

-Maybe it wasn't a dream.

Maybe it was a premonition
of your imminent death.

-Kate, for a blonde,
you are fucking dark.

-If your fans only knew.

-Pretty good, right?

-Oh, yeah, this
is primo quality.

-What are you saying?

Is that -- who said that?

There you are.

What do you got there?

Whoa, whoa, hey!

-Where are we?

What did you guys give me?

It's okay.

I kinda like it.

-Where are we?

-♪ Take me for a ride ♪

-Morning!
-Morning.

-So, how'd you sleep?

-Like shit.

You?
-So good!

Hey, you and Joe seemed
pretty cozy last night.

-Kate.

-Are you guys a thing?

-It's too early for this.

Ooh, I wonder
what's for breakfast!

Ooh.
-Hell of a feast.

-Mm-hmm.

-Hey, kids.

-Hey!

You okay?

-Someone spent the night
with the locals, huh?

-Rusty, word about tonight?

-Uh, can't it wait?

-Actually, no.

-Make sure we all get paid!

-Where's Joe?

-Probably sleeping off
whatever the two of you

didn't get up to last night.

There's just not enough
jell-o at the breakfast table,

you know?

-Are you going to finish that?

-Okay, where's Kate going?

-Probably with
the other faces.

I hear they're going to keep
us separate until tonight,

you know?

Maintain the
illusion of rivalry!

-Seriously, though, is it
just me, or is there something

off about this place?

-Here she goes again.

-I'm sorry, Miss.

I had a great time last night.

I even got laid.

-Okay, now we know
something's off.

-Told you!

-Hey, what do you say we
ditch the Jesus act tonight,

play Satanists?

-Morning.

-Hey, you missed breakfast.

-I know.
I just feel like crap.

-Right.

Look, about last night...

-Look, I don't
know what happened.

I don't remember
anything, nothing.

-You don't owe me
any explanations, Joe.

It's like I said,
there is no us.

-Nick!

Nick!

It's quite the setup, huh?

Hello?

-Hi.

-Are all these matches
looking a little --

-Gimmicky?

-Yeah.

I mean, what the hell
is an inferno match?

-I have no idea.

But I would wrestle in lava
if it got me a title shot.

-And you would
win the title shot.

Look, Nick, about last night --

-No, you don't
need to explain.

-Yes, I do need
to explain, Nick.

Come on.

I didn't mean to
sleep with that girl.

-Oh, it was an accident.

You just slipped and
found your dick in her.

-Look, I think I was drugged.

I don't know what happened.

It's all a blur.

There he is!

So, how is it?

-Hey, did you wake up with
any strangers in your bed?

No, none?

Me neither.

Weird.

-♪ Y'all pretty ladies
around the world ♪

♪ Got a weird
thing to show you ♪

♪ So tell all the
boys and girls ♪

♪ Tell your brother, your
sister, and your mama, too ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
about to go down ♪

♪ And you know
just what to do ♪

♪ Wave your hands in the
air like you don't care ♪

♪ Glide by the people as
they stop to look and stare ♪

♪ Do your dance,
do your dance quick ♪

♪ Do your dance quick, mama ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ Tell me, what's the word? ♪

♪ Word up ♪

♪ Everybody say, when
you hear the call, ♪

♪ You got to get it underway ♪

♪ Word up,
it's the code word ♪

♪ No matter where you say it ♪

♪ You know
that you'll be heard ♪

♪ Now, all you sucker DJs...♪

-Well, hello again.

Sorry, did I spook you?

-No, I'm fine.

-Please, follow me.

-Whoa, hey, do you know him?

-We met at the party.

-Talent holding is down there.

-All these for the amenities.

-Yeah, or lack thereof.

-Hey!

Can we just wait outside?
-In the cold?

Speak for yourself.

Whoo!

Oh, donuts.

-I'm guessing the faces are
somewhere nicer, as always.

-Okay, okay, focus up.

Let's go!

Gather round.

Come on.

Just have a good show, yeah?

And seriously, just leave
it all out there tonight.

Yeah, okay, good.

You boys, you're up first.

-I'm Thick.
-I'm Thin.

-We're in.

-Hey, what's going on?

Is everything okay?

-Yeah, it's showtime.

-One thing that struck me
as odd about this movie

is the idea that they have
separate dressing rooms

for the heels and the faces.

Or we should
explain that first

for the non-wrestling fans.

Faces are the stars,

the crowd favorites,
the ones everybody wants to win,

and then the heels
are the bad guys,

because they have
behind-the-scenes backstories

leading up to each match,

for both the heels
and the faces.

And the wrestlers
who have long careers,

they might be both.

They might go back and forth
from heel to face to heel.

Anyway, in this movie,
the star, Miss Behave,

played by Ayisha Issa,
is a heel,

and Kate the Great,
played by Sara Canning,

is the face.

But Darcy --
is this true, Darcy --

as an insider,

is it true
that they make the heels

and the faces stay apart
in the dressing room?

-It definitely can be.

Especially in
old-school wrestling,

there was always a heel van
and a face van,

and sometimes the heel and
the face would meet in the ring

for the very first time,

like that's the first time
they saw each other.

-When they wrestle, it's
the first time they ever meet.

-And they still do that
sometimes now,

like in indies and Japan.

-Wow. Okay.

Anyway, I also wanted to mention
the character of Enigma,

the luchador who doesn't speak
and never takes off his mask.

A luchador is a
masked Mexican wrestler,

and that is possibly an homage

to the WWE wrestler
Rey Mysterio,

who never takes off his mask
in public -- like, never.

But anyway, I don't know
why we're speculating

when we have the writer-director
here with us tonight.

He's already a favorite of ours
from when we showed "WolfCop."

-Whoo!
-He's the one-man horror
industry of Saskatchewan.

-Yeah!
-The pride of Saskatoon.

Come on out here, Lowell!

Ladies and gentlemen,
Lowell Dean!

-Oh, thank you for being here.
-Thank you.

-Okay.
-Thank you, Joe Bob.

-All right, thank you.
-Thank you.

-Whoo!
-All right.

-Lowell...
-This is surreal. Thank you.

-I know, right?

-We don't have a lot
of Saskatchewan films

on "The Last Drive-In."

Um, but we love "WolfCop."

-Thank you.
-Whoo! We do.

-And I know -- I've heard
you talk about the Prairies.

It's called the Prairies.

You know, what we maybe
would call the Midwest

or the the Great Plains
or something,

you call it the Prairies,

meaning all that flat land
out in the middle of Canada.

Now, is that a thing?

Like, people from the Prairies

are different
from the other Canadians?

-I mean, this is
a very delicate question.

Really?

Is that a political question?
-You can pass.

-Not political,
but I would say, like,

yeah, the Prairies are
a different folk.

Um, I think, you know,
we in Canada,

we have like the city folk,
the bigger-city folk,

which would be obviously
Toronto, Ontario,

uh, maybe, to an extent,
Vancouver.

But I think the Prairie folk are
like a hardy stock.

-But that's you, right?

-I'm one of the softer members
of the Prairie folk.

-Okay.

-I feel like -- move on.
-All right.

Well, obvious question --
Are you a wrestling fan?

-You know, I wasn't
a super-big wrestling fan,

but a friend brought me
to an event in Regina,

where I'm from,
called High Impact Wrestling,

and, um, it changed me.

It changed me.

That's actually where the idea
for this movie was born,

with the whole cult.

-Like, recently?
-No, this is about a decade ago.

But I won't lie,

he kind of had to drag me to it,
and I was like,

"I don't know
if I want to go to wrestling."

And, um --
but by the end of the night,

I had lost my voice
from screaming.

I was -- yes.
-Yes?

-I was losing it.
-Trust.

-You're absolutely right.

And, um, I was converted.

And I literally thought, like --

if you're not freaking out,
you're the weirdo in the group.

-Exactly.
-Yeah.

-Well, now, was there
some kind of aha moment

that caused you to say,

"Hey, I'm gonna combine
wrestling with horror.

And I've got just the story.
It's in my head."

-I mean, yes, absolutely.

It was
at one of these events,

and I don't remember
the exact specifics,

but, um, a heel came out, and
everyone was chanting in unison

and doing these moves,

and I thought, like,
"I don't know what's happening.

I feel like I'm at a cult."

And that was the light bulb.

That was like the,
"Okay, this should be a movie."

I can definitely see that.

-Well, now in this movie

you have both wrestlers
and actors all mixed together.

So I have to ask you,
what is easier --

to find a wrestler who can act

or find an actor
who can wrestle?

-Ooh, good question.

-That is
a really good question.

I think it's like -- it depends.

Honestly, like, I wish I could
say it was like,

one to one,
this is the better way.

But it felt
like we were pulling off a heist

while we were casting
this movie,

because we had to put
all the names of the characters

on the board
and literally say how much --

it's kind of boring
and mathematical,

but how much fighting
are you doing

and how much acting
are you doing?

And there's a couple characters
who were kind of on the line.

Like, Kate the Great,

we were leaning wrestler,
but then I'm like, no,

she has some very interesting
character stuff she has to do,

so we went actor.

But the only one
who was really scary to me

was Ayisha Issa --
Miss Behave --

because there was no cheating
her fighting.

She had to be a good fighter,

but she also had to have the
weight of a really strong actor.

-But she's primarily
an actress.

-She is primarily,
but she began her career,

believe it or not,
as a stunt performer,

and she has, like,
Brazilian jiujitsu

and things like this.

So she had a really strong
fight background.

And so I got really lucky
for casting her.

-So she can take a punch.
-She's really good.

-Yeah, she can take a punch.
-Okay.

Um, but you did not shoot in --

I mean, when we showed
"WolfCap" -- "WolfCop,"

I talked all about Saskatchewan.

Stop doing that.

-But you did not shoot
in Saskatchewan this time.

You traveled across the Prairies
to Edmonton,

and then you went way out
in the boonies from there

in what looked to be --

it looked like you were
way out in the boonies

in pretty frigid conditions,
right?

-Yeah, we had, um --

so when we knew we were gonna
shoot this movie in Edmonton,

in winter --

the original script
was gonna be at a summer camp

and outside
and joyous to shoot, right?

-Wow.
-Yes. And, uh...

And then when
it became winter, it's like,

let's find a location
that's all interior,

and I rewrote the script
to just have two exterior days.

And it was like,
how hard can that be?

It was minus-40
on those two days, so...

-Ooh.
-Wow.

-And you know,
what are they wearing?

They're wearing
a wrestling outfit.

- So some people were not stoked.
- Wow.

-But you're saying the original
script was in summer,
and you changed it?

Why did you change it?
-Yes, good question again.

To make it more bleak?

-It does kind of work
that way, though.

-It's a boring answer,
actually.

It was scheduling -- that by
the time we got the scheduling

and the financing together
and everything...

-You had to go shoot
right there.

-We had to go shoot.

When someone's ready
to make a movie,

and the company behind
this department was ready,

I'm like, "Let's go.
We got to go."

And so they were ready
to back the film,

and we kind of --
we slipped into winter,

and I actually convinced
myself maybe it was cooler

because it would be scarier
to -- if you're in a basement.

-I actually think it is scary

because of it being
the dead of winter.

-I agree.
It feels so isolated.

-Okay, well, stick with us.

We're gonna go back
to the movie.

And, oh, yeah,
what genre is this movie?

-That is -- why are you giving
me all the hard questions today?

I would say thriller.

I started off saying horror,
but I don't know.

Is this like, is this
a hard horror film or halfway?

-I'm gonna tell you.
-I want to say yes.

-I think it's an action,
mystery, martial arts,

supernatural, horror,
feminist love story.

-Can I get that written down?
I'll use that.

-Yes, I'll give you --
I'll write that down for you.

-We'll get you a sound bite.
-Thank you.

-All right, you agree with that,
though, right?

-I mean,
it makes it sound cooler.

-You hit mixed genres
like crazy.

-I love mixed genres.
Yeah. That's my thing.

-Well, whatever we call it,

I want to thank you for
coming down here from Regina

to share it with us.

And roll the film.

Um, did you come from Regina
or Saskatoon?

-I came from Regina, yeah.
-Okay.

-Now, this is a Friday night.

Um, what is it like
in downtown Regina

or downtown Saskatoon
right now?

-Right now,
it's probably frigid.

Even if it's warm out,
it's probably snowing.

And people are going to be
in a pub somewhere,

either watching
a football game --

the Roughriders --

or thinking about watching
the Riders.

-Okay. Is there a lot of whisky
consumed in Saskatoon?

-Oh, for sure, yeah.
Whisky.

-Like, Canadian whisky.
Good Canadian whisky, right?

-Yes, Canadian whisky.

Okay.

-And on your license plate
it says "Land of Living Skies."

-Yes.
-What the fuck, Lowell?

-We have gorgeous skies.

The skies in Saskatchewan
are beautiful,

and I think it just feels like
it's almost "The Walking Dead,"

you know,
land of the living something?

-It's not like those
fucked Toronto skies

or those -- those
British Columbia skies.

Land of the Living Skies.

-If you see a Saskatchewan
sunset, you'll be converted.

-Okay,
I'm gonna check that out.

-Whoo-hoo!

Happy birthday to Darcy
and the drive-in!

-A happy birthday, Darcy.

May every wish, may every dream
come true for you.

-It's Tiffany Shepis, and I'm
here reporting to you live

from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,

because today's a special day.

Today is Darcy's birthday.

Happy birthday, Darcy, from me,

but more importantly,
from all of Pittsburgh.

Happy birthday,
Darcy!

Yo,
happy birthday, Darcy.

Happy birthday,
Darcy.

S-See?
Everybody loves you.

Happy birthday.

-My children,
our time is now.

Lupercalia, the
celebration of our rebirth.

Five matches, five offerings!

Let the celebration begin!

-Who here is ready
for some wrestling?

Give it up for the
Bible-thumping hooligans,

the gospel!

Give it up for the malicious
mammals of the ring,

the Beast Brothers!

-What's with the spikes?

-Re-brand?

-We've been waiting
weeks to mop the floor

with you overrated house pets.

Yeah, you might have
those scary new masks.

But we know the truth.

You wear them to hide the
fact that you're scared!

But you can't hide,
not from Jesus.

-Okay, first match
is wind-themed.

I call it a tag
team tornado match,

because I like alliteration.

No tags, and it ain't over
until one of you is eliminated.

-To your corners.

-Rust, is this a joke?

-Just do your job.

-Rust.

A word outside. Now.

-No coffee, but plenty of
glow sticks, birthday hats,

and welcome signs.

Ah, the crowd is bonkers.

-No, that sounds
like a machine.

-Look out!

-What the fuck!

-What the fuck?
Was that locked?

-Of course not.

What can I do you for?

-I want to go watch the match.

-We've got strict orders
to guard the talent.

You've got a bunch of
rabid fans up there.

-Do I look like I
need a bodyguard?

-No!
Look at you.

You're so strong.

-Don't worry.

They only need one!

-Hey.

You seriously don't
find this weird?

-You remember that
gig in Moose Jaw?

That was weird.

Look, Virgin Mary.

-God, just grow up.

-Hey, headset.

Is this yours?

-You can have it.

-It's broken.

-Thick!

-A little ambiance
would be nice in here.

-Thick!

Beginning with
the women's match.

-Okay.
-Over.

-Roger that,
grabbing the talent.

Miss Impatient, you're in luck.

You're up.

-Don't fucking touch me.

Hey, where's my good luck kiss?

-Whoa, who stole my Nick, huh?

-Hey, who needs
a gun to babysit

a bunch of B-grade wrestlers?

-B grade?

Speak for yourself.
-I'm serious, Joe.

-Miss Behave, you're up.

-Just do what you're told.

And maybe
you'll get out alive.

-It's time for
the women's match!

It's an interesting
one, and not just

because of the sprinklers!

I think they're headed in now.

We mustn't spoil the surprise.

That's how you do it.

This isn't a game, Rusty.

Play your part, or this gets
much worse, for all of you.

-Where the hell
is Thick and Thin?

They should have
been back by now.

Hey, did you notice
security's packing?

I'm worried about Nick.

-Let's just hurry up and wait?
-Seconds away, Miss.

-Shit, I forgot my chain.
-Don't worry.

There's props in the ring.

-Ladies and gentlemen,
Kate the Great!

-Woo!

Let's go, baby!

Woo!

-And the woman who dares
face her, Miss Behave!

-Break a leg.

-Screw this.

We need to get the
hell out of here.

-What?
Are you okay?

-They have guns.

-Okay, okay, listen.
We're getting paid.

So just give them a show.

Do some old choreo.

You think these yokels
can tell the difference?

-Hey, open up!

-Hey, you gotta swing wide.

You just hit me.

-Sorry, the energy in
here is really insane.

-You fucking done here?

Just stick to the choreography!

-Okay, all right, all right.

I'm sorry.

-This is so crazy.

I can't -- I can't die
in the ring, Nick.

-What are you talking about?

We're getting out of here.

-Well...

...one of us is.

-What the hell?

-Enigma, here,
let's get this.

Come on.

We got to find
a way out of here.

Everything's bolted!

What is that?

God!
Dead end!

Come on, come on,
come on, come on!

Someone open up!

-What are you doing?

-Isn't it obvious?

I'm winning!

-Kate, you don't
have to do this.

-Oh, I know.

I want to!

This is the plan, honey!

Our plan.

-Finish her!

Finish her!
Finish her!

Finish her!

Finish her!
-Finish her!

Finish her!

-You think
you're so dangerous?

Who's dangerous now?

-Don't you get it, Nick?

This doesn't end
until one of us dies!

-Father.

Finish it.

-Oh, oh, my God.

-Wait, wait!

-As much as it kills me to say
this, we have our sacrifice.

Get her out of here!

-I'm sorry!

-Oh, daughter, my daughter.

Okay, Lowell, I know you've
done a lot of TV in Canada,

but, um, I don't
think you've done

any wrestling shows, have you?

-No, I have not done
any wrestling TV.

-All right, because, well,

you shot these
wrestling scenes kind of, um,

claustrophobically.

I mean, I assume on purpose.

You know, we're up close
with the wrestlers

because you get
the camera in there,

where you can't really do
that with TV,

and we don't see much
of the crowd.

I assume that you're trying
to get into the psychology

of the two people that
are trying to kill each other

in the -- on the dark stage.

-It was a mix of things.

It was definitely,

uh, we're trying to make
it horrific and scary and, um --

but also we didn't have
a ton of extras,

if I'm being honest,
so part of the fun was like --

- What?
- Yeah, go figure.

...dropping it into darkness
and kind of just seeing, like,

little hints of people
and silhouettes

because I thought that
would also feel creepier

if you're suddenly used to
fighting a certain way,

like having people cheer for you
as you come out,

and then all of
a sudden you walk out

and it's just kind of
like crickets, you know,

and then you go and fight
and people are not that nice.

-I thought maybe it was
because you just go into a zone,

the fighter goes into a zone

and you're on his POV camera,
but...

-I mean, a little of that too.

-It's a good theory.
-It's a good theory, yeah.

-How much time did
you have to spend

on each
of those wrestling matches --

each of the fights?

Because they're all
kind of gnarly.

I mean, you have wind, water...

Spoiler alert --
fire is coming up.

So how much time did it take
to do those?

-It depended on the fight.

Like, uh, we really had
to look at each fight and say,

how big did they need to be?

And, originally, the wind match,

I wanted like two or three days
to shoot that,

and then we had to prioritize
other ones.

So we really turned that more
into like a psychological match

where you, like, cut away

when something's
gonna get interesting,

you know,
and go to the green room.

-Now, why would the wind match
take two or three days?

Because you were
going to create a hurricane?

-I kind of wanted to go
a little bigger than we did,

if I'm being honest,
but I think what we did worked.

I think it's like, you know,

you also don't want to
give away everything too early,

and we knew we were building
to some,

I think, pretty cool matches.

-Yeah.

-The water one,
which we just saw,

that was a really important.

I wouldn't have
sacrificed that for anything.

And we had, um,
a full day to shoot that one,

which may sound like a lot
or not a lot,

but for me, coming from things
like "WolfCop,"

we were shooting sometimes fight
scenes in like, uh, literally,

I think our quickest was
15 minutes we had one.

We shot a whole fight scene
in 15 minutes.

So this was, uh,
luxurious by that comparison.

And then also safety, right?

Like, you're doing things
like having fire and water

and real human actors.

And we had an amazing, uh,
stunt team

and stunt coordinator,
Jean Frenette,

who -- our movie's up for
what we call a Canadian Oscar,

the Canadian Screen Awards,
for his work in this film, so...

-Wow.

-Yeah, we took
the fights pretty seriously.

-Okay.

So for most of the key roles,
you had experienced actors.

Ayisha Issa as Miss Behave,
who, as you mentioned,

also had Brazilian jiujitsu
experience,

and so she had no trouble
getting physical.

Steven Ogg as Mean Joe Lean.

And these wrestler names
are great, by the way.

Is that a play
on Mean Joe Greene or...

-No, it's, uh --
I'll say this --

It's embarrassing, but, you know
the Dolly Parton song "Jolene"?

-That's what
I thought it was.

-When I was a kid, I thought --
-That's what I thought it was.

-The Dolly Parton song "Jolene."

-I thought she was singing
about a man named "Joe Lean."

And, uh, so that's --
I know, it's embarrassing.

- Like a man named Sue?
- Same thing.

-Kind of. Kind of.

But I was like, "'Joe Lean'?
Who is this 'Joe Lean' guy?"

-Oh, my God, that's so funny.
-That was a homage to that.

-Okay.

Steven Ogg is best known
for being the main character

in Grand Theft Auto V.

Mohammed Adan plays Enigma.

-Yes.
-Uh, he's a Calgary wrestler.

-A real-deal wrestler, yeah.
-Yeah.

Sara Canning is
Kate the Great.

She's in everything.

She co-starred
in "The Vampire Diaries."

She was in one of our
"Creepshow" episodes at Shudder.

Um, Jonathan Cherry
plays Rusty Beans.

He's in your
little stock company.

He's in everything you do,
right?

-Yes. The repertoire.
-We saw him in "WolfCop."

And so mostly this was really
good actors inhabiting a world

that was probably
foreign to them,

but obviously not foreign
to you.

Um, so what kind of research
did you do

besides going to the matches?

-I did a lot of research.

I -- you know, I talked about
falling in love with wrestling

and High Impact Wrestling
in Regina.

I got so interested in that,

I started trying
to do a documentary on it.

So I followed around
a lot of real-life,

uh, day-to-day wrestlers who,
when they're not there,

they might be working in
a car dealership or something.

So I got to know the real
blue-collar wrestling world,

and I was fascinated.

And one of the guys, Enigma,

I mean, there is
Rey Mysterio influences,

but there was
an actual wrestler I met

who would not let me see him
without his mask.

Every time I interviewed him,
I'm like, "You can take it off."

And he's like,
"No, I'll never take it off."

-Okay.
-I fell in love with that, yeah.

-Well, the twist we just saw
is that Kate the Great

turns out to be the daughter
of the Prophet,

and now the dead daughter
of the Prophet.

And whatever he's doing is
so important to him

that he would wager
his daughter's life on it.

So is he...

Because I didn't --
I wasn't sure.

Is he a nutcase or...

...or a religious zealot
or just a power whore?

-I mean, I feel like we'll
have to, at some point,

ask Chris Jericho to get
what he thinks the Leader is.

Or the Prophet.

-I feel like it might be
all three.

-It might be all three.

I mean, I have my own opinions
and, um...

-Well, you wrote it, right?

- Yes.
- I mean...

-But I never like to say,
like, I have to be

the decider of everything.

Even with a movie like this.

-You're the director!

You're the decider
of everything!

-Okay, well, then my opinion is
he's for sure insane.

-He's insane.
-Yeah, he's insane.

-Okay.
-Jericho or the Prophet?

Just...move on, move on.

-I will go with the Prophet.
-Good answer.

-All right, back to the movie.

And please stick with us
for one more break 'cause --

you got time, right?

-Absolutely.
-Okay.

Um, Darcy, have you
ever been watching a match

and thought somebody
might have been

actually killed in the match?

Because you've seen a lot
of matches.

-I mean...are we counting
Owen Hart? We all know --

-Well, we know Owen Hart --

well, Owen Hart died
because a piece of equipment

in a stunt failed,

and he fell from the rafters
of the Kemper Arena.

But, I mean,
does anyone ever die

from a wrestling hit,
just being hit?

-Yeah, I mean, unfortunately,
that definitely does happen,

but never at something
that I went to.

I think the closest scare
we had was

when I took my sister
to her very first show ever,

and Hangman Page
got legit really hurt.

And they stopped the show early,
and Mox was in the ring praying,

and we all just sat there not
knowing if he was okay or not.

-So -- but he was okay?
-Eventually, yes.

-And you know, in boxing,

there are hundreds
that have died,

mostly from brain injuries.

I think the good thing
about wrestling

is that they stay away
from the head.

-Oh, well, not always.

-But I mean,
when they go for the head,

it's like a glancing blow.

-Yeah, but there are a lot
of head injuries in wrestling.

-But boxers are trying
to hurt the brain.

That's the purpose.
-Okay, fair.

-And presumably
wrestlers are trying

to avoid permanent injuries
to either fighter.

And that's why the very
first sequence in the movie,

uh, Miss Behave
loses half her pay

because she hits Kate the Great
in the face intentionally,

which is not cool.

Right?
-Very not cool.

-If she'd used the metal
folding chair over her head,

that would have been okay.

Exactly.

-Hey, it's Chris Jericho here.

Just wishing not just
the drive-in a happy birthday,

but Darcy the Mail Girl
as well.

I've never met anybody

with the knowledge of horror
that she has,

from "Prom Night,"
"Prom Night II,"

"April Fool's Day,"
"Scream,"

"Blood Sucking Freaks,"
"Things."

Anyways, Darcy the Mail Girl,
happy birthday to you,

and thank you for keeping
horror alive in 2025.

Happy birthday to the drive-in.

I'm gonna go tonight --
tonight, I say --

to be a part
of this American institution

just like Darcy the Mail Girl.

-Jesus, Nick!

Nick, what happened?

What happened?

What?

Oh, God.

Where's Kate, huh?

-She was in on it.

-In on what?

-I don't know!

And then I killed her.

I had to --

I had to kill her.

She was his daughter.

-Damn.

Little Kate Warren.

-What?

-Last night, the
fever dream, the drugs.

The leader is The Prophet.

-Like the wrestler?

-Yeah, come here, come here.

The Prophet,
he always had

these vague
Christian leanings.

'82, he took a hard right.

He introduced these occult
elements into his persona,

crazy friendship.

He replaced the fans
he lost with new ones,

lost souls just searching
for something,

searching for anything.

And they'd follow him
from town to town,

their own personal savior.

The matches got violent.

Fights broke out.

That last match was meant to
be mine, at the last minute.

He wouldn't give up.

I did what I had to do.

The league blacklisted him.

He's been a ghost ever since.

So is all this my fault?

You got lucky.

Enigma, you're up.

-I mean, why don't
you just shoot us?

-I want to talk
to the Prophet.

I want to talk to David.

-His name is The Leader.

-Joe, they're
going to kill him.

This isn't a dark match.

I saw cameras.

-Let's observe a moment of
silence for Kate the Great.

I ask that you remember
her name, her skill.

I say this to
everyone watching --

ashes to ashes, dirt to dirt.

-You seem down, Rusty.

This will pep you up.

Look at me.

Serve your purpose
and announce the match.

Do it!

-I'm sorry.

-What are you
going to do, Rusty?

You know, you're right.

This is all your fault.
You've played your part.

Do it.
This is your fate.

Take it.

Take it!

Chicken shit.

Your time is done here, Rusty.

It's been nice knowing you.

Get up.

Get this guy out of here.

-I defy anyone watching
to call what we do fake,

not tonight.

And on that note,
regardless of the outcome,

the world keeps on spinning.

Time for another match.

This one's a favorite.

-Showtime, guys.

And we're rolling in 3, 2, 1.

Come on, get up!

-I have to start
carrying weapons.

You know they're
going to kill him.

The crowd is out for blood.

-Enigma is a tough
son of a bitch.

-Yeah, and so was Kate.

And I killed her.

-Okay, okay!

-On your knees.

No one would care
if you died, shit boy.

-I would care.

He's an asshole.

He's the reason
we're in this mess.

-Joe.

-All right, now, give
me five minutes with him.

And there's not going
to be anything left.

-But you're up next.

-He's a buck 50 soaking wet.

I'm going to bash
his fucking skull in!

-Come on, Enigma.

Fight back.
What's wrong with you?

-Prefect, I'm sorry
about your daughter.

We should really be there
during the match.

Your presence is needed.

-The only thing that matters
now are the recordings.

-Do not give in
to distraction.

Those are simply for posterity.

The ritual?

-The ritual?

SAW has taken everything from
me, even my only daughter.

The only thing that matters
to me now is revenge.

-Yeah, nice try.

What are you waiting for?

Kill him.

-You idiots are just going
to stand there, watching?

-You want us to
leave you alone?

Hell, no.

So come on, tough guy.

Do it.

-They lied to me.

Joe, I didn't know what
their plan was, I swear.

They've been drugging me.

And they branded me!

No, no, no, no.

-You sold us out.

-Get the fuck up!

-Here comes a big one.

-Yeah!

That's like the
old school stuff,

hand signals, the eyebrow.

You pull your punches.

Ow!

You smack!

-You got us fucking killed!

You deserve whatever
is coming to you!

-You don't think
I know that, Joe?

Putz.

I wish I was dead, okay?

He's recording these.

He's making copies.

-What do you mean?

This is a snuff film?

-You're the last match, Joe,
last being the operative word.

-This whole cult
thing, it's a front.

He's mass-producing
these VHS snuff tapes.

He has a control room
in that house up there.

And let me just
say, for somebody

who has dabbled in the
illicit side of the sport,

there's some serious
moolah to be made.

He's going to get rich.

-We got to find Enigma.

-I hate to break it to you.

He's already dead.

-Stay close.

-You really think you're
getting out of here alive?

-God damn.

We're going to
be stinking rich.

-Grab Lean.

-Okay, come on.

Let's go.

Get in.

-This is your goddamn
plan, a crawl space?

-Yes, this is my goddamn plan.

Take glow stick.

Get in.

Here, Nick, let's go.

-All right, come on.

-All right.

-Joe, don't play the hero.

Get in.

-No, no, no, someone's
got to stay back, okay?

This is our only option.

Okay, now, when the
coast is clear,

I want you to run like hell.

-How are we going to know?

-You'll know.

-So, Joe's big escape
plan is he locks

two of his best
friends in a hole,

and then he goes
and kills himself?

-You're not his best friend.

-Fair.

-Your boys pissed me off.

-Where are the others?

-Long gone.

-Why didn't you run?

-I owe your boss
an ass-whoopin'.

-Bringing him in.

-All right, children, who's
fired up for the next match?

Fire being the operative word.

-So are you going to
man up and face me?

-Patience, man.

You're going to
get your chance.

But first...

-Rusty and Miss, they're gone.

-What do you mean, they're gone?

-Gone.

-All right, listen,
clear the property.

Nothing stops this
ritual, nothing.

You understand?

it's just us now.

-Our next match is a
big one for true SAW

fans, a rematch between
the beloved hero,

Lazarus Smashley...

...and that false idol
heathen, all-around piece

of shit, Mean Joe Lean!

-In keeping with
tonight's theme,

our next match is special.

Our fourth element,
our fourth offering --

-Inferno.

-You don't have
to do this, Laz!

If anyone should die,
it's this asshole here.

Come on, come on.

You with me?

-They've got shit on
all of us, Joe, huh?

They've got my family.

They're going to kill
my family, my son!

-Jesus Christ!

Do something!
Do something!

Put him out!

Someone help him!

Put him out!

Fuck, someone help him!

Someone help him!

Do something!

Fuck!

-Oh, my children,
the time has come

for the final match
of the evening

and the final
match in SAW, ever.

You see, my entire
career, people

told me that pro
wrestling was fake,

that the hits didn't connect.

The injuries were
self-inflicted.

But they are wrong!

Pro wrestling is
about showmanship.

Pro wrestling is
about sacrifice.

I have sacrificed everything
for this championship.

I sacrificed my own daughter.

And tonight, the sacrifices
literally continue.

Only one walks away,
maybe neither.

-Two-minute
blackout, here we go

-I'm impressed you stayed.

I figured you would have
run away with all the rest.

-I'm not running.

-Hi, Darcy.

It's Linnea here,
reporting for duty.

I'm here to wish you
a happy birthday.

And you're beautiful inside
and out.

Have a good one!

-Hey, it's me, Bill Moseley,
aka Otis Driftwood.

It's their hair,
but, ow, it's my beard.

And I just wanted to wish Darcy
and, uh, "Last Drive-In"

a very happy birthday.

I hear it's 6/6, but, uh,
of course I am the devil,

I'm here to do the devil's work,
so let's call it 666.

Happy birthday.

-Okay, Lowell,

it's time for the final match
of the "Dark Match,"

and I have some questions.

-I'm ready.
-Jericho's character.

He just said,
"All I care about is revenge."

So is he power hungry

because this cult grew up
around him,

which was pretty much stated
in a previous scene?

Is he a whack job?

Is he a religious puritan
who really believes in Satan?

Does he really believe
in Satan?

And why is he making
snuff films?

Does he need money?
Because...

And as far as the feud with,
uh, with Joe goes, um,

he won the feud, right?

He was supposed to lose,

but he broke the rules of the
Brotherhood and he won anyway.

So he shouldn't be mad at Joe,
because he won, right?

In other words, this is
all part of one question,

which is,
what does the Prophet want?

-What does he really want?
Okay.

I feel like it's, as presented,

a bit of a grab bag of things,
right?

Um, I love movies
where, um, it's not just like,

"I have one motivation."

Like, I always think of
Hans Gruber in "Die Hard,"

where you spend a lot
of the movie thinking,

"Oh, this guy's a terrorist."

And it's like,
"Oh, you're a bank robber."

-I know!
-So...

-Terrorist is much cooler.
-It is cooler.

So I think, like, I mean,

I had conversations
with Jericho about this

in terms of like, "What do you
think he really wants?

What do you think he needs?"

I think he, to me,
I think he snaps a bit

when his daughter is killed.

And I think it's like,
"You know what?

Screw all this, you know?

I need to
really just glom on to the thing

I really want,
which is to kill this guy

I've hated for my whole career."

You know,
you got that office rival.

I think, to him,
Joe is someone

he just wants to see dead.

-Okay.

And so it's not about Satan
so much,

and it's not about the making
money on the snuff films.

-I think
it's a nice retirement idea,

but I think the snuff films
are like

the icing-on-the-cake,
surface stuff.

And I think Satan --
I don't know, I don't think --

-It's a good backup plan.
-It's a good backup plan.

I don't know
how much he believes in Satan.

I think his people
may believe in it a bit more.

-Okay.

-Oh, yeah. Good point.
-All right.

And then I'm not gonna do
any spoilers,

but the final scene of
the movie, which is very short,

I'm gonna guess
that was a very expensive

and time-consuming scene,

and it might tell us something
about the whole purpose

of the dark match.

Would that be correct?

-That's very well said.
Yes.

-And so there's an
overarching supernatural element

to this whole story, right?

-Yes.

It's -- I mean, the ideas are --

are they gonna
resurrect Satan?

Is this all insane?

And, um,
I think the question lingers,

especially at this point
in the movie.

-Okay.

And is the last scene a set up
for a "Dark Match 2"?

-You know what?

In my in my mind, it could
just end there, and that's fine.

I would love to do
a "Dark Match 2."

I think there is a place
to go with it,

but I don't think
it's a cheap-out ending.

I think if it just stops there,
it's kind of fun.

-Okay.

Well, congratulations,

because "Dark Match" has taken
the horror world by storm

ever since its premiere
last year

at Fantasia Fest in Montreal.

And, um, uh,
what do you think, um, Darcy,

about how does "Dark Match"
compare to "Ready to Rumble"?

-You already asked me that.
It doesn't compare.

One's a comedy, one's horror.

-All right, Lowell,
do you think

you might be able to hire
David Arquette

to star
in "Dark Match 2"?

-I mean, if you have
his number, I'll give him a try.

I would love to.

-Done. We just made a deal.
Let's do it.

-He would be great in it.
-Yes! He really would.

-That would
pretty much guarantee

that the Darcy Army
would follow you

into the depths of hell.

-For David Arquette.

-Well, you get the "Scream"
crossover crowd too.

-So, Darcy,
why did you choose "Dark Match"

as your birthday movie?

-Because it's fun

and we got to talk about
wrestling all night and Jericho.

And supporting Lowell.

Like, ever since "WolfCop,"
like, I've been a huge fan.

You're amazing.

And let's be real,
you weren't gonna give me

"Scream"
or "Halloween III," so...

-All right, I would buy --
I would buy "Scream."

I'm not the high sheriff
of Shudder, so...

And now we --
now we're gonna continue

with the somewhat surprising
conclusion of "Dark Match."

So roll it.

The wrestlers
I was familiar with growing up

were Fritz Von Erich
and the Von Erich brothers.

Now, did either of you see
"The Iron Claw,"

the movie
about the Von Erichs?

-I did, yeah.
-I did not.

You saw it?

You did not see it,
Darcy?

I heard it was sad.

I don't want to watch
sad wrestling movies.

-Okay, well,
Maxwell Jacob Friedman...

-Oh, good Lord.
Stop.

-...better known as MJF,
a very nasty heel...

-He talks about MJF so much.

-...in the AEW stable

was given the privilege
of playing Lance Von Erich

in that movie, and it turns out
he's not a bad actor.

Would you agree with that?
Not a bad actor.

-I thought
the whole cast was great.

-The cast was very good.
He would also be a good choice.

MJF would be a good choice
for "Death Match 2."

-Oh, dear God, no.
No, he's a bad choice.

-Darcy is not a fan of MJF,
but he's a genius.

Just -- Just his
writing skills alone.

-Uh, writing skills?

-His writing --
MJF's writing skills.

-You mean the actual events
that happened in his life

that they just portray on TV?

-Oh, yeah, I forgot.
No writing in wrestling.

-Exactly.
It's all real, man.

-Yeah, sorry.

-Darcy, we love you so much,

and we all
want to sing "Happy Birthday"!

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Cha cha cha ♪

-♪ Happy popcorn to you ♪

-♪ Happy birthday, dear Darcy
-I don't know what I'm doing.

-♪ Darcy the Mail Girl
Whoo hoo!

-♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

-Whoo hoo! Whoo!
-Whoo!

-Wait, wait, wait, I think
there's something back here.

-Okay, it's loose.

-What's that smell?
-Kick it.

-Okay.

-Harder, get it!

-Ouch.

-Okay, let's find an exit.

-Wait, Rusty!

-Enigma.

-I found an exit.

Let's get the hell out of here.

-That's Enigma.

-Nick, he's dead.

They're all dead!

Can we go?

-No, we can't leave Joe.

-Do you have a plan?

What are you going to do,
ask them nicely to stop?

-I'm not leaving them.

-I don't know what to say.

I'm not dying here with a
pentagram stuck up my ass.

I saw the van.

I think we can make it.

Are you coming?

Suit yourself.

-Rusty!

How did you --

-Kayfabe.

-Damn, that's commitment.

-You know, we're not
that different, Joe.

We both gave this
company our best years.

We've got nothing
to show for it.

-The only difference
is that I don't

kill my friends for profit.

You know he's preying
on your ignorance,

to make a quick buck?

-There's nothing
quick about it.

Everything is calculated.

-Yeah, you always were
quite the entrepreneur.

I can't believe
I'm asking this.

But do you even
believe in Satan?

-Hurts?

Why don't we just rip
it off like a band-aid?

You okay?

-Hey, where's the other guy?

-What do you say we
re-write this snuff film?

Gasoline.

Let's do some damage.

-Keep your eyes open
for Rusty and Miss.

They're on the loose.

-Jesus Christ.

-Quite the opposite.

Now, let's put on a show!

-Hail Satan!
Hail Satan!

Hail Satan! Hail Satan!

Hail Satan!

Hail Satan!
Hail Satan!

Hail Satan! Hail Satan!

Hail Satan!

-And we're rolling in 3, 2, 1.

-Call me Diablos.

-I don't think so, David.

-Our last match, Joe, that
belt should have been mine.

It was my time.

-You keep telling
yourself that.

-This looks good.

-It's no Betamax.

But it'll do.

-♪ But they don't give a-- ♪

-What do you want?

Listen, this is
sophisticated equipment.

-I can do it.

I'll tell the leader --

I've got him.

-♪ Everyone would know
my name ♪

♪ I'd be a legend in my time ♪

♪ You'd be a legend ♪

♪ In your time ♪

♪ But they don't,
they don't give awards ♪

-Hail Satan!

Hail Satan!

-With your sacrifice,
the Dark Lord shall arise!

-Fire! Fire!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Stay, sit, stay!

Get back here!

The ritual!

-Hey, asshole!

Let him go.

-Nick, go, please.

-You are a fool.

You killed my daughter.

And I let you live!

Let him go.

-Nick!

-I guess I'll have to
settle for revenge, then.

-The Dark Lord
will rise despite

your pathetic distractions.

Now, see?

This is more appropriate.

A sacrifice is a noble thing.

And you should die
like you lived --

like trash.

-You're okay.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

-Dark Lord, take
the sacred blade.

Make the final sacrifice.

-Shh.

-You don't have
to do this, David.

-David is dead.

And so are you.

Hey.

-I'm glad you came back.

-That's what
girlfriends do, right?

-Yeah.

-Let's go.

-I'm fine. I'm fine.

Let's go.

-I told you it'd
be a barn-burner.

Come on, get in!

Did they give you the win?

-No, I took it.

-The belt looks good on you.

Let's get going.

-Wind.

-Water.

-Earth.

-Fire.

-Spirit.

-You feel that, right?

Jesus Christ.

-You okay?

-I just hit my head.

-No...fucking...way.

-Nick!

Who dares face me?

-That'd be me!

-♪ Satan is real,
working in spirit ♪

♪ You can see him ♪

♪ And get him
in this world that we made ♪

♪ Satan is real ♪

♪ Working with power ♪

♪ He can tempt you ♪

♪ And lead you astray ♪

-I attended service at
a little church in the country

not long ago.

A prayer was led by an
old country preacher who

then raised his hands, as
everyone stood and sang,

my God is real.

A warm breeze through
the open windows

brought in the smell of new
mowed hay in a nearby field.

And the singing
of birds could be

heard in the moment of
silence as the preacher

opened his Bible to read.

And then a little
old man stood up,

bent with age, his
hair thin and white,

and said, preacher, tell
them that Satan is real, too.

You can hear him in songs
that give praise

to idols and sinful things
of this world

You can see him
in the destruction

of homes torn apart.

I know that Satan is real.

For, once, I had a happy home.

I was loved and
respected by my family.

I was looked upon as a
leader in my community.

And then, Satan
came into my life.

I grew selfish
and unneighborly.

My friends turned against me.

And, finally, my home
was broken apart.

My children took their
paths into a world of sin.

Yes, preacher, it's sweet
to know that God is real

and to know that, in Him,
all things are possible.

And we know that
heaven is a real place

where joy shall never end.

But sinner, friend,

if you're here today,
Satan is real, too.

And hell is a real place,

a place of
everlasting punishment.

♪ Satan is real,
working in spirit ♪

♪ You can see him
and hear him ♪

♪ In this world every day ♪

♪ Satan is real,
working with power ♪

♪ He can tempt you
and lead you astray ♪

Hey, Darcy,
it's me, Svengoolie, from MeTV.

And I just wanted to wish you
a very happy birthday.

I was hoping to send you
a version

of one of your favorite songs
yesterday.

♪ One more day
till birthday time ♪

♪ Silver shamrock ♪

-Oh, please!

-But I decided just
to send you this greeting.

And it's so appropriate
that this is a double birthday.

No, I don't mean
that you're twice as old.

We're also celebrating the birth
of an American tradition

that means so much to all of us
in the mutant family --

the drive-in.

Let's raise a Lone Star beer in
celebration of the institution

that has brought us so many
of our favorite movies,

as well as bad animated promos
for the snack bar,

with a hot dog
reluctantly jumping into a bun,

and more steamed-up car windows
than we can measure.

Here's to the drive-in
and to you, Darcy.

I can't
wait until the next time

I get to hang out
with you and Joe Bob again.

The drive-in will never die,

and neither will
our affection for you.

Was that too schmaltzy?

-Yeah.

-Okay.
We'll just edit that part out.

-That's a great cake.

But only because
you poured Lone Star on it.

-Please.
You love vegan cake.

-That's a great choice for
the song over the end credits.

"Satan Is Real."

Is it my imagination

or do the end credits get longer
and longer?

-It is not your imagination.
-All right.

I still have questions
about the movie,

but before I get to that,
I wanted to mention again

that Karim Hussain does
the camera work on this movie.

He's the director
of photography,

and he tried to create an '80s
feel, and I think he succeeded,

shooting those wrestling scenes
with a VHS camera.

And his other notable movie
is "Hobo with a Shotgun."

-Nice.

-And then the psycho creepazoid
working for the Prophet,

that's Michael Eklund,

a veteran Canadian actor
who specializes in bad guys.

All right, Darcy, "Dark Match"
is a really good movie.

My main problem with it
was that I didn't really engage

with the main characters,
Nicky and Joe.

I didn't see
enough weakness there

to identify with their pain.

-I disagree.

I love them both,
especially her.

She's such a badass
and she had that, like, cool,

just amazing attitude.

-Okay, well, we'll see
what the mutants think.

Um, another question --

When we're watching
these matches,

why does the audience
sometimes disappear?

Do you know?

I mean, sometimes it seems
like there's no audience.

-Budget, I guess?

-I suggested to Lowell that
maybe it's because there's

a, you know,
a POV mental camera working.

-Yeah, let's go with that.

All right.

-I know they used
a studio in Edmonton,

but I thought maybe it was
to put the wrestlers

into that other zone.

And then why does Miss Behave
have visions

that send her into a trance?

-Because it's a satanic cult.
They do stuff to people.

-And why do they put
a brand on Rusty?

-Because it's a satanic cult
and they do stuff to people.

-Okay, but here's the biggie.

Why does the Prophet need money
selling those snuff tapes?

I kind of asked Lowell,
but he didn't really answer.

If he's just trying
to evoke a demon and --

-You gotta live while
you're evoking demons.

You gotta have a job.

-Why does he care about that
match with Joe nine years ago,

since he won the match?

He already won the match.

-He got banned from wrestling.
He needs revenge.

-He got banned?
-Why are you picking it apart
so bad?

-Okay, I missed that part.
-He broke kayfabe, man.

-And that's the funniest line in
the movie, when Enigma says --

Enigma's only word in the movie
is "kayfabe."

-Yes.

-Meaning the public story
that can't be violated.

-I feel like that line
always gets a laugh.

-You know what would make
a good prequel?

They sort of indicate that
the Prophet got into Satanism

because he started
putting devil worship stuff

into his ring persona.

So you could show
that transformation.

You're saying
these demonic words every week

to sell tickets,
and suddenly Satan says,

"Okay, dude, you called me.
I'm here."

-I like it.
-So, um, happy birthday again.

Aw!

-It's late now.

I think it's -- it may be
after midnight,

so your birthday may be over,
but, uh, was it a good birthday?

-It was insane.
Thank you.

Thank you so much for this,
honestly.

-All right.
Do we have any birthday mail?

We do.

There's been a lot of online
posting, and thank you for that.

But I think you will like
this e-mail that came in from

I'm gonna say Kel Long
from Springfield, Missouri.

-Okay.

"Dear Joe Bob,
we spoke back in 2020

when I was assigned
to write a piece

for the
Motion Picture Association

about drive-ins
during the pandemic.

I think my editor touted it

as 'Joe Bob declares this
the summer of the drive-in'" --

which I did,
as drive-ins were open

and all the indoor theaters
were closed.

"You know how editors are,

and you took it graciously
in stride.

You were so generous
with your time

and shared your insights
about the movie ratings process.

I filed that away
in my memories

as a really cool experience.

Since then, I had a baby
and had some dead time

where I was trapped at home

and decided last year
to finally pursue my dream

of becoming a playwright.

When I began
to seriously reflect

on what I wanted to
write about,

I recalled how entertaining our
ratings conversation had been,

and I realized there was
something really controversial,

unique, and insightful there.

So we are now in rehearsal
here in Springfield, Missouri,

for 'Parental Guidance
Suggested.'"

This letter is from January.

"I know it's too far
to travel,

but I wanted to invite you
in spirit

since that conversation lit
my artistic flame.

I hope the production grows

and maybe you'll be curious
to see it one day.

I'm grateful for
your encyclopedic appreciation

of film and your
all-American performance

that dives deep
but welcomes the masses.

Your brilliance
is never lost" --

You hear this, Darcy?
My brilliance.

"...is never lost on me..."
-Happy birthday, Joe Bob.

"...tucked behind your persona.

We always enjoy
our Friday nights watching you.

All the best, Kelly Long,
Springfield, Missouri."

Um, okay.

This is very cool because
I did follow up on this play.

And thank you, Kelly,
for letting me know about it,

because it's a brilliant idea.

It's a play that takes place

at the screenings
for the MPAA ratings board,

so obviously it has to be
a comedy, right?

And apparently they
did workshop it

at the Springfield
Little Theatre.

Shout out to
the Springfield Little Theatre,

one of several legendary
semi-pro theaters in the Midwest

in the little theatre movement.

Um, I talked about that
when we did "Carnival of Souls."

The Springfield Little Theatre
is in its 91st season.

Anyway, I was
not able to attend the workshop,

but I do want to see it

if it ever goes
to a premiere somewhere.

And, Kelly, I hope it does,
so good luck with that.

And I will see you, Darcy,
at Spooky Empire in Orlando,

one of the longest running
horror conventions.

Always a good time.

They're having
a "Re-Animator" reunion,

weekend of June 20th
through 22nd.

So that's it for me, though.
Joe Bob Briggs.

Speaking for myself
and Darcy the Mail Girl,

when I remind you that
when the people running things

seem as loopy as
a cross-eyed cowpoke's lariat,

just look up the date
of the next election

and make sure they see
a lot of rusty pickups

lined up at the polls,

because that's
how we fire people in America.

And the drive-in will never die.

Woman goes to a pet shop

and she admires
a beautiful parrot,

and the sign on
the parrot's cage says $20.

And, "Why so little?"
she says to the storekeeper.

The guy says, "Well, this bird
used to live in a whorehouse,

and sometimes it says
some pretty vulgar stuff."

And so the woman
thinks about it

but decides she wants the bird
anyway, so she takes it home.

She hangs the bird cage
in the living room,

and the bird looks around
the room and says,

"New house, new madam."

So she's a little shocked
by the implications,

but then she thinks,
well, it's not really that bad.

Her two teenage daughters
get home from school,

and the bird says,

"New house, new madam,
new girls."

And the girls
are a bit offended,

but then everybody laughs
about it.

They're considering
how and where

the parrot has been raised.

A little later, the woman's
husband comes home from work.

Parrot says, "Hi, Keith."

-I'll take it.
Thank you.

-♪ We are drive-in mutants
-♪ Drive-in mutants
-♪ We are not like
other people ♪

-♪ Other people ♪

-♪ We are sick
-♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting
-♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in,
yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood and breasts
and beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in... ♪

-♪ Blood and breasts
and beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

-♪ Vomit meter ♪

-♪ We'd be off the scale ♪

-♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in
remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party
like jungle animals ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We believe in... ♪

-♪ Blood and breasts
and beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in... ♪

-♪ Blood and breasts
and beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in... ♪

Made in Georgia.