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1
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:08,530
Pilot sex shit?
2
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:09,609
What the fuck?
3
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,493
Anyway, we need you to land the plane.
4
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,036
- What?
- You said you speak Spanish.
5
00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:17,033
- But--
- So does the air traffic controller.
6
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,952
Put on the headphones. Sit down.
7
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:20,583
Put the headphones.
8
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,794
- Okay. Okay.
- That one.
9
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,415
Good luck, man.
10
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,969
1723. Do you copy?
11
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,222
Uh, yes. This is 1723.
12
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,724
My God.
13
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,225
I'm not a pilot!
14
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:39,310
I don't have a fucking clue
how to be a pilot.
15
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,730
Don't worry, everything will be fine.
16
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,148
My name is José,
17
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,191
I understand
that the pilots are incapacitated.
18
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,437
Uh...
19
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,695
Yes.
20
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,156
Don't worry. I will guide you.
21
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:54,070
Okay, let's breathe.
22
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,079
Let's see, what's your name?
23
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,999
- My name is Tom.
- Okay, Tom. Nice to meet you.
24
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,413
I want you to pull the lever
that says Throttle two.
25
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,248
Yeah.
26
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,214
Okay.
27
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,424
And grab the yoke.
28
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,801
Now you're going to move that yoke gently,
29
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:14,299
so I can see how the plane is moving.
30
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,474
Yes, José.
31
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,517
It's moving the plane a little.
32
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:20,894
Wow, Tom.
33
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:25,065
I know you've never flown a plane before,
but you're doing it very well.
34
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,357
We're going to be fine.
35
00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:27,650
I'm very scared.
36
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,194
It's just that...
37
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:33,818
It's just that I feel like I'm going to
have terrible diarrhea any moment here.
38
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,203
Many people get airplane diarrhea,
don't worry.
39
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,370
Yes, that's true.
40
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,498
Wow, and what do you do, Tom?
41
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,584
The funny thing is that I'm a comedian.
42
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,003
Wow, Tom the comedian, nice to meet you.
43
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:49,584
And what is your last name?
Maybe I know you.
44
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:53,463
My last name is Segura.
45
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,341
Tom Segura?
46
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,056
Yes.
47
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,849
Oh, yes.
48
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,351
I have heard of you.
49
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,560
Yes?
50
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,813
Your comedy
is not very nice, cabrón.
51
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,231
Oh, you speak English?
52
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,649
You know, Tom Segura,
53
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,026
I have a brother who has Down syndrome.
54
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:13,446
And you like to say
that people are retarded, correct?
55
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,949
Look, man, I'm sorry
if I ever said something
56
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,451
that was... offensive like that.
57
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:23,414
Like, I use it to describe, like,
a friend doing something silly, you know.
58
00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:25,416
- Like my brother.
- No, of course not.
59
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:31,042
What I'm saying is, like, sometimes,
you know, your friend does something dumb.
60
00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:32,507
You know what I mean?
61
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,509
Pulls his dick out at a wedding reception.
62
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,802
You're like... You know?
63
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,429
No. No, I do not know, actually.
64
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:42,559
José, can we please put
my dumb career choices aside
65
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:46,813
and just help with this
real life-threatening issue, José?
66
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,649
Oh, you want help? Sure. Here we go.
67
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,735
Oh, my God, dude, please.
This is going down so fast.
68
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:56,156
I'm sorry that I've said
stupid offensive things that are reckless.
69
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,908
I say things on stage
sometimes to get a laugh.
70
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,827
That's not who I am as a person.
71
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,913
Okay, so what you say at work
you don't really mean.
72
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,665
Exactly, José. Yes.
73
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,458
Oh, okay, I understand now.
74
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:10,206
You see that red button
that's next to the altitude?
75
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,419
- Yeah.
- Push it.
76
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,178
Oh!
77
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,262
Am I supposed to push it
78
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,014
- or are you making a point?
- I don't know.
79
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,516
I'm at work right now.
What did you say about people at work?
80
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,263
Are you fucking kidding me?
81
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,649
José!
82
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,318
I'm sorry, José. Please!
83
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,111
Words matter, cabrón.
84
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,441
Okay, goodbye.
85
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:42,577
What time does lunch start you say?
86
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:43,953
Soon enough, right? Hmm.
87
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:46,289
José, please!
88
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:49,245
José! José, please! What do I do?
89
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,628
Oh, shit! Tom, are you still there?
90
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,338
Oh, my God.
91
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,423
Thank God. I wanted to say, bro,
92
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,716
- I love your podcast.
- What?
93
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,504
Okay, ciao. Blessings.
94
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,430
Oh, my God! What have I done?
95
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,224
- Tom!
- Yes, I'm here.
96
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,851
The one with your wife, not the other one.
97
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,598
The other one is hard to listen to.
98
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,732
Please, help me!
99
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,604
José!
100
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,147
Oh, fuck!
101
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,568
This is Diego, a pilot from Argentina.
He was sitting in economy.
102
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:24,781
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, you're a fucking pilot!
103
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:26,537
Hello.
104
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,748
Oh... Oh...
105
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:29,911
Oh!
106
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:35,291
Oh... Oh, my God.
107
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:41,047
1723. We are level
and heading in the normal direction.
108
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,890
You really became a pilot today, huh?
109
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,387
That guy was such a dick.
110
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:51,557
So we have, uh,
about three hours left on the flight.
111
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,601
We can make the most of it.
112
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,193
Whoa! Dude, what are you doing?
113
00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:58,898
- What?
- What are you doing?
114
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:00,989
Let's get to the fucking, huh?
115
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,860
Bro, what?
116
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,868
I'm going back to my seat, man.
117
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:07,870
- You sure?
- Yeah.
118
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,331
Pilots are fucking kinky fucks, man.
119
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:12,375
- You're really gonna leave? Okay.
- Yeah.
120
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,876
You're already here.
121
00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:14,956
No.
122
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,186
All right, let's do it.
123
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:33,396
Okay.
124
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,726
Teach me how to fly, man.
125
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,325
Communication is fascinating.
126
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,624
It's not just language or speaking.
127
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:55,126
It's about conveying how you feel,
128
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,832
what you're thinking,
the joy you're experiencing.
129
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,796
And who are some of our
best communicators?
130
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,304
Dolphins.
131
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,092
'90s Oprah.
132
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:09,719
Politicians.
133
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:12,435
Look at this guy.
134
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,182
He's got 'em all fired up.
135
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:18,649
So, I hope you enjoy these stories
about communication.
136
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,188
But if you don't...
137
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,565
How do I say this?
138
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:26,444
Yeah, that works.
139
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,864
Whoa. Do I speak sign language?
140
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,325
I totally understood that.
141
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:36,746
So this is Burbank, California.
142
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,045
Uh-huh, pretty neat, huh?
143
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,124
It's real neat.
144
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,049
Definitely a far cry from Boise,
that's for sure.
145
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,009
You know who, I read, comes here?
146
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:46,636
Jay Leno.
147
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,763
What do you think about that, huh?
148
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,349
He parks his hot rod right out there.
149
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,726
And he comes here. That is really cool.
150
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,396
You're right, Dad. That is really cool.
151
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,559
Yeah, it's really cool.
152
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:00,024
I'm sorry.
153
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:02,819
I never do this,
but I just had to come up and say
154
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,316
that fucking you last week was so fun.
155
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,151
I'm sorry, what?
156
00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,826
So fun.
157
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,030
Enjoy your meal.
158
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,366
I have no idea who that was.
159
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,957
Yes, you do.
160
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:16,874
I knew it.
161
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:19,377
What? Da-- I'm not gay, Dad.
162
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,087
This is gonna kill your mother.
163
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,167
Come on. I dated Jill for two years.
164
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,754
Welcome to Darwin's.
I'm Donovan and I'll be taking care of...
165
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,714
Oh, shit!
166
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,472
I turned this boy's pussy
inside out last night.
167
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,182
What are you talking about?
168
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,893
All gas, no brakes. Raw.
169
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:38,521
Honey, look.
There's that slut we made prolapse.
170
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,274
He was gagging on my balls.
171
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,067
It was pathetic.
172
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:46,362
Yo, bro, I finger fucked you too.
173
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,781
Why is everyone saying they fucked me?
174
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,408
Because we did.
175
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,612
In that game.
176
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,540
Is that me?
177
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,001
It's actually a cool story.
178
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,544
There's a passion project.
179
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,672
This IT guy developed
a game in his basement.
180
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:07,675
He went on to make,
like, a billion dollars off it.
181
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:08,796
It's inspiring.
182
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,299
Cyrus?
183
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,056
Hey, make that face you do, that...
184
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,436
Welcome to the property.
185
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,273
Welcome to the property.
186
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:36,365
Cyrus?
187
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,620
Evan? Is that you?
188
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,669
I barely recognize you, man.
189
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,588
You barely recognize me?
190
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,627
I know. It's pretty cool, right?
191
00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:51,464
It's crazy what 800 million
in videogame sales can buy.
192
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,883
This is fucking horsehair.
193
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,766
Yeah. I think we need to talk.
194
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,054
Come on in, bud.
195
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:09,987
Did you make a video game
where aliens fuck me?
196
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:14,283
I made a very successful video game
called Aliens Fuck Humans.
197
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,781
I'm not sure what that has to do with you.
198
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,455
What the fuck are you talking about?
199
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:22,578
Look. This is clearly me.
200
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:25,831
No.
201
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:27,375
Okay. Well...
202
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,132
then what is this?
203
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,260
An AFH-KOHLUR collab.
204
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:36,097
Dude, the human in the game
looks exactly like me.
205
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,891
I don't see the resemblance.
206
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:42,061
Take the fucking game down.
207
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,265
Hey. Whoa, whoa.
208
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:45,147
Are you mad?
209
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,400
You want to play games with me?
I'll show you.
210
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,360
- Oh, hey! Hey, man!
- I'll fucking show you.
211
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,945
- Stop! Evan!
- Take the game down!
212
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,029
That's $11 million--
213
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:55,074
- Take the fucking game down!
- Stop! Stop! Stop!
214
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,284
Fuck!
215
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,321
Yes.
216
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,203
God damn.
217
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:02,582
The human in the game
is modeled after you.
218
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,917
Yeah. No shit.
219
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,961
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
220
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,921
Why would you put me in this game?
221
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:09,839
I don't know.
222
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,671
I guess you just kind of have
a "fuck that guy" kind of face, you know?
223
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,924
I didn't know the game
was gonna blow up the way it did.
224
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,676
And looking back...
225
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,429
I definitely should
not have used you in it.
226
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,723
So you'll take the game down?
227
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,022
No, it's impossible.
228
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,149
There's hard copies everywhere.
229
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:31,063
But I have been developing a new game.
230
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:32,945
Aliens Fuck Humans IV.
231
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:36,699
And in this new game,
you do not get fucked by aliens.
232
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,487
You're actually the hero.
233
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,663
I'll cut you in on a piece of the action.
234
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,452
Fifty-fifty split.
235
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,538
You'll be rich as shit.
236
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:54,003
And I'm not gonna be getting fucked
by aliens in the new game?
237
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:56,255
No.
238
00:10:58,282 --> 00:10:59,300
Let me show you.
239
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,643
AFH IV is the future of VR gaming.
240
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,687
It's the first of its kind
to use real time neural imaging
241
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:10,650
of the user's brain to create
the most realistic experiences possible.
242
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,069
What does that even mean?
243
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:17,568
Well, it means you're now the co-owner
of this kickass breakthrough tech,
244
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:19,659
partner.
245
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,697
Try it out.
246
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:29,418
Aliens Fuck Humans IV.
247
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,499
Evan's Revenge.
248
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,013
Holy shit.
249
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,063
This feels so real.
250
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,684
It's pretty cool, right?
251
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,401
Is this my childhood home?
252
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,231
It is.
253
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:57,733
Wow.
254
00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:03,781
Hello, son.
255
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,158
Dad?
256
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,287
Happy birthday, buddy.
257
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,832
Would you like some cake?
258
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,627
Why does the cake say
"Happy Birthday Cheryl" on it?
259
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,046
Oh, my God.
260
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,391
Dude, this thing just got real tight.
261
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,805
That's weird.
262
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:31,934
Word on the street is you like cake.
263
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,647
Oh!
264
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,286
- Go on. Have a slice.
- The fuck is happening?
265
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,287
That's it.
266
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,456
Fuck, I can't control my legs, man.
267
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:52,621
You'll control your legs
when you finish the cake.
268
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,798
Is this all because I wouldn't give you
269
00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:00,301
a piece of cake
at Cheryl's birthday party?
270
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,339
I don't know. Is it?
271
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:08,142
Cyrus! Cyrus, please!
272
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,603
Do you know what flavor this cake is, son?
273
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,229
- Cyrus...
- It's papa flavor.
274
00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:13,731
Cyrus, don't do this.
275
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,149
Eat all the cake up.
276
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,562
Yum, yum, yum.
277
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,652
You can eat it out of my ass.
278
00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:20,608
Cyrus, please.
279
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:22,948
Don't do it.
280
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,862
Lick it all up.
281
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,989
Cyrus, don't!
282
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,622
No!
283
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,703
Would you like more kiwis, Mr. Cyrus?
284
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,002
No, I'm fine. Thank you, Magdalena.
285
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,462
Oh, Dad!
286
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,380
Did you want a juice?
287
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,924
- Oh!
- Papaya?
288
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:40,925
Mmm...
289
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,802
- Cyrus!
- Actually, papaya sounds nice.
290
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,762
- Thank you.
- Oh, no!
291
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,097
Cyrus, please! Oh!
292
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:48,808
No, Dad!
293
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,804
- No!
- This shit is amazing.
294
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,476
Cyrus, no!
295
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,079
Keep the news stations at bay.
296
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,743
They'll be showing up
in about 15 minutes, Carmen.
297
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,498
Hi, Tom.
298
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,459
I'm Detective Jacobs.
299
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,133
Now, I know you've been through a lot,
300
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:25,553
but when you're ready, I'm here to listen.
301
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,971
Okay?
302
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,133
Okay.
303
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,260
Okay.
304
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,430
I can take you through what happened.
305
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:34,848
Um...
306
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,232
I was waiting in line to buy a coffee.
307
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,358
Like I do every day.
308
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,730
Hi. Can I help you?
309
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,864
Hi. Can I have a large iced coffee?
310
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,860
- Sure. That'll be $3.45.
- With--
311
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,201
Sorry.
312
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:52,574
I just have a few, uh, modifications.
313
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,123
Okay.
314
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,876
Large iced coffee, extra ice, please.
315
00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:01,625
And just a small splash
of whole milk, please.
316
00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:03,757
Still $3.45.
317
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:04,962
Thank you.
318
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:10,467
- Do you need to, uh...
- What?
319
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,224
Type it in?
320
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,393
No, I... I got it. We have a system.
321
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,644
No, I know you got it.
322
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,981
I wasn't trying to suggest
that you couldn't remember that.
323
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,649
I just meant...
324
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,110
Sometimes when it's not typed in,
325
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,945
- it's not... They don't see it.
- Okay.
326
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:28,991
Iced coffee, extra ice,
splash of whole milk.
327
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,946
- That is it.
- $3.45.
328
00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,037
Thank you.
329
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,366
Would you like to tip?
330
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,244
- Sure
- How much?
331
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,413
A dollar?
332
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,585
Five seems right.
333
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:47,504
Next.
334
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,633
Tom. Iced coffee for Tom...
335
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,011
with modifications.
336
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,221
Jesus Christ.
337
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,231
Sir. Excuse me.
338
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,062
Could we talk about this?
339
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,272
Could I meet you down here?
340
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,863
Excuse me. Hi.
341
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,615
Will you please stand still?
342
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,784
Uh, can you remake this?
343
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,197
I'm a little busy, man.
344
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:16,455
No, I know.
I'm not trying to be rude, I promise.
345
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:18,832
I just, uh... I can't drink this much milk.
346
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,668
You know, I-- I paid for it.
347
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,503
So could you just remake this
348
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:25,501
with less milk... please?
349
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,424
- Less milk?
- Please.
350
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:30,464
- Yeah, man. I got you.
- Thanks.
351
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,018
Now it's got less milk.
352
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,698
I'm a professional barista.
353
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,569
I know what a fucking splash is.
354
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,786
Holy shit!
355
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,746
Oh, my God.
356
00:16:57,766 --> 00:17:00,327
Now the devil's in a rush
357
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:19,054
Oh, fuck!
358
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,288
I'm sorry, Tom.
359
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:42,953
Are you saying you're the one who
committed these gruesome acts of violence?
360
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:44,413
Yeah.
361
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,339
And then you...
362
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,545
Put the guy's hand in a blender.
363
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:56,675
You don't listen!
364
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,320
Open up. Open your mouth.
365
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,619
Open your mouth.
366
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,871
You got a system, huh?
367
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,372
You got a system that works?
368
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:23,582
Does that work?
369
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,786
Open your mouth!
370
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,812
All right, that's it. You're under arrest.
371
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,433
No, no. Sorry.
372
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,727
Actually...
373
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:51,563
I still have the receipt.
374
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,903
Oh, yeah. Yep.
It says "splash of milk" right there.
375
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,536
- Sorry about that, sir.
- Yeah.
376
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,746
You missed the first part of the story.
377
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:03,831
Jinx.
378
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,077
You owe me a Coke.
379
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,037
How about a coffee?
380
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,171
That's a good one.
381
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,252
Oh! I'm exhausted.
382
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,134
You killed three people.
383
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,506
I know. I've never done that.
384
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,009
I don't know how you guys do it.
385
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:22,970
Take it easy.
386
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,187
Hey, little Hollywood
387
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:30,149
You're gone but you're not forgot
388
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:34,236
You got the cash
But your credit's no good
389
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,322
You flipped the script
And you shot the plot
390
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,241
And I remember, I remember
391
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:43,579
When the neon
Used to burn so bright and pink
392
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,534
So bright and pink!
393
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:51,665
A Saturday night kind of pink
26633
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