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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,070
ADULT ADAM:
Ah, Mother's Day.
2
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,337
For most families,
3
00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:05,073
all you'd have to do
is make breakfast in bed,
4
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,740
but for the Goldbergs,
5
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:09,009
"Smother's Day"
was the most dreaded
holiday of the year.
6
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:11,445
It was a 24-hour,
nonstop snuggle fest
7
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,946
that got worse
as we got older.
8
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,483
Oh, my God,
what is this
disgusting glop?
9
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,985
My one-way ticket
out of Mother's Day, sucka.
10
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,654
Oh, balls! Oh, balls!
I completely forgot!
11
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:21,989
How could you forget?
12
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,457
It's the worst day
of our year,
13
00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,025
but it's on display
forever!
14
00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:27,328
ADULT ADAM:
Behold the Goldberg
mantel of shame.
15
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,630
(OMINOUS CHORDS STRIKING)
16
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,467
I know.
As the baby,
17
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:34,968
I'm the one
who gets the worst of it!
18
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:37,438
Or have you
forgotten this?
19
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,707
This...actually...happened.
20
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,009
Yeah, in a house full
of messed up photos,
21
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,511
that is
for sure the worst.
22
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,878
Please, let me join in
on your breakfast!
23
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,847
Here,
I can make toast!
Already did.
24
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,616
No! That's all
I'm capable of!
25
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:52,019
Oh!
There she is!
26
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,188
Guess what special day
it is, pretty lady?
27
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,956
Happy Mother's Day!
28
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,226
It's Mother's Day!
For me!
29
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,060
Look what I alone
made for you!
30
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:03,164
Aww, my Sugartush charred me
a Belgian waffle
31
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,865
and put a poison flower
on top.
32
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,735
I woke up at dawn just
to make everything right
33
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,470
for my wonderful
mama-bear!
34
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,905
Aw, Schmoo.
Go back to bed.
35
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,974
Please, no!
I mean,
36
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,809
we need him for
your Mother's Day
photo session.
37
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,111
Oh, my day
will be plenty special
38
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:18,212
with just you and Erica.
39
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:20,314
(COUGHS) Ugh...
40
00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:21,815
(CONGESTED)
Happy Mother's Day.
41
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:24,852
Sorry, but so much
sinus pressure.
42
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,488
Oh, no!
Your cold got worse.
43
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,023
Aw, come on!
She's clearly faking!
44
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,992
Shame on you, Adam!
45
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,195
For the past week,
I have been closely monitoring
46
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:37,198
Erica's cough, sniffles,
sore throat,
47
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,700
sour tummy, and
uncontrollable eye twitch.
48
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:42,170
See? It does it on its own
'cause it's real.
49
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,405
Aw. Well, I'll go put
some blankets on the couch
50
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,906
so you can lie down
and watch TV.
51
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,543
Yay! (CHUCKLES)
52
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,744
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
And that's how you get out
53
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:51,945
of honoring your mother.
54
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,514
That's right.
For weeks,
55
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,883
I've been planting seeds
of worry.
56
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:58,186
A tiny cough here,
a body ache there,
57
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:01,722
every day a calculated move
leading to this very moment.
58
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,224
Bastard genius!
59
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,593
Okay, I built a nest
for Erica on the couch
60
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,795
and I ran Barry's blanket
through the dryer.
61
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,963
Time for
our big photo op, Adam!
62
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,699
Get your smile
muscles ready!
63
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,467
Ugh, fine!
I guess I'll be the one
64
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,603
who spends Mother's Day
with his mother.
65
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,870
Yay!
66
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,105
Let's just
make it super fast
67
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,107
'cause I got big plans
today with Dave Kim.
68
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,276
Plans?
What plans?
"Willow"!
69
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:25,579
It's George Lucas'
blockbuster follow-up
to "Star Wars"!
70
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:27,381
(CONGESTED) Wow,
it's like super selfish
71
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,383
to pick some movie
over your mom.
72
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:30,718
I don't even know
what to say.
73
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,819
I do.
74
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,421
You're a bad son.
Gah!
75
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,756
Let's just go and take these
photos super fast
76
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,391
'cause "Willow"!
Yay!
77
00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:38,992
It's Mother's Day.
78
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,161
**
79
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,634
* I'm twisted up inside *
80
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,803
* But nonetheless
I feel the need to say *
81
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,941
* I don't know the future *
82
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:57,845
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
83
00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,113
ADULT ADAM: It was
May 1st, 1980-something,
84
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,782
and we were spending
some quality time
85
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:04,151
with our dad
and David Hasselhoff.
86
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,587
Whoa, wait!
87
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,155
You guys are watching
"Knight Rider"
88
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,323
and didn't
even invite me?
89
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,458
Scootch!
90
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,260
You scootch.
I'm already here.
91
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,761
That's the best spot
on the couch
92
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,162
and I'm sick of you
always hogging it.
93
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,431
Damn it! I can't hear
the snooty car talk.
94
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,166
Either sit down,
or get out.
95
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,134
Of course
you take Erica's side.
96
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:24,037
Once again, the forgotten
middle child gets screwed!
97
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,339
Aw, not this crap.
98
00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,007
Here we go again
with your crazy
99
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,676
middle child
conspiracy theories.
100
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,478
Crazy real!
101
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,013
You're constantly boned when
you're the middle child.
102
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,948
I get the bad spot
on the couch,
103
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,017
the runty piece
of pizza,
104
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,819
even your crappy
hand-me-downs.
105
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,288
You do not!
106
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,523
Dad made me wear
your "My Little Pony" overalls
107
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,624
'til I was nine!
108
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,992
It's 'cause Dad's cheap,
109
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,560
not 'cause
you're the middle child.
110
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:47,728
Also 'cause
it was funny.
111
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:48,862
That right?
112
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,964
Well, I cannot wait
to move to college
113
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,500
so I can be born anew
114
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:55,235
and live free
as a non-middle child!
115
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,505
(GROANS) Just take
my stupid spot on the couch.
116
00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,808
ADULT ADAM:
For a middle child, getting
the couch was an epic triumph,
117
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:03,477
though what happened next
was Barry's first real win.
118
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:04,545
Stop your cross-fire!
119
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,046
Everyone focus on Barry!
120
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,682
Look, a thick-ass
envelope from Penn.
121
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,818
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Thick from Penn?
122
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:11,885
You know it.
123
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,186
I'm gonna rip the ass
out of this envelope.
124
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,322
Yeah, go.
(PAPER RIPS)
125
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,889
Rip out the ass.
Rip it but good.
126
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,758
Boom!
Barry did it!
127
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,192
Barry got in!
128
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,729
Everyone wants Barry!
MURRAY:
Whoo-hoo!
129
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:22,963
That makes
three colleges!
130
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,732
But this is
the one, baby!
131
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,835
Best pre-med program
on the East Coast.
132
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:28,902
The best!
133
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,704
Screw you,
garbage safety schools
134
00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:32,072
Ithaca and Bucknell.
135
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,074
(CHUCKLES) You're garbage.
We don't need you now.
136
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,343
(LAUGHS)
Did I get any mail?
137
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:36,944
Classic.
138
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:40,047
'Cause I just some crazy-good
mail, now you want some?
139
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,716
Well, you're not gonna
middle child me this time,
140
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:43,884
'cause
I'm going to--
141
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,753
Going to Penn!
BOTH: What?!
142
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,888
Geoff, I did it!
I got in!
Yes!
143
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,357
Wait, when did you
apply to Penn?
144
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,791
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
145
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,893
So many questions.
How? Why?
146
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,363
No. And when?
Also no!
147
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,597
MURRAY:
Peanut, you did it!
148
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,798
How is this
even happening?
149
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,600
Well, it was
a hard year,
150
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,370
and once my band was causing
me more stress than joy,
151
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:03,437
Geoff made me realize
152
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:04,905
that I really needed
some direction.
153
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,774
All I did was get her
transcripts,
154
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,075
fill out
the applications,
155
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,977
and then cash in
my Bar Mitzvah bonds
to cover the fees.
156
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,579
I always
liked this kid.
157
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,113
(MURRAY LAUGHS)
158
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,815
No! No! No!
159
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,249
Dad, check it out.
160
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,985
This weekend,
there's an orientation event
161
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,153
at this swanky-ass house
in Chestnut Hill.
162
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,923
That's my swanky-ass
orientation event.
163
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,324
Yeah,
that's great, pal,
164
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,960
but this Erica news
is the best. The best!
165
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,763
This is my special moment,
and she stole it!
166
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:31,765
Once again, the middle child
gets screwed.
167
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:34,768
I demand you call me peanut
and twirl me, damn it!
168
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,169
Don't touch my body.
169
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,506
Absolutely not!
Ah, my back!
170
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,307
Let's roll, boopie.
171
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,976
So, that's the end of that?
We good?
172
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,311
We're great.
173
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,680
Just look at all the stuff
our faces are on!
174
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:49,282
Mugs, keychain,
welcome mat,
175
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,519
blankie,
car seat cover,
176
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:52,853
(BABY TALK) baby bib,
177
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,488
(NORMAL VOICE) beach towel!
178
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,089
Why would I want
a towel of us?
179
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,092
Uh, so when
you're at the beach
or getting out of the shower,
180
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:01,128
you can remember
who loves you most?
181
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,963
And here I thought
it was weird.
182
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,197
Doesn't matter,
I'm off to go see "Willow."
183
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,766
Ta!
No "ta"!
184
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,602
I made us reservations
for brunch and Flamenco
lessons
185
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,270
and a couple's
foot soak.
186
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,640
While that all sounds
fun and also gross,
187
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,608
you promised
I could go see "Willow."
188
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,943
I didn't
promise "Willow."
189
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:18,512
You want "Willow,"
but I think we both know
190
00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:20,814
there will be no "Willows"
of any kind today.
191
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:21,982
You don't understand.
192
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,651
"Willow" is
the most important movie
193
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:25,152
in a generation.
194
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,154
And I'm the most important mom
in a generation!
195
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,321
Mom trumps "Willow."
196
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,790
It really doesn't!
197
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,859
In 30 years,
people will talk about
198
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,194
how the "Willow" trilogy
changed their lives.
199
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,363
No! No "Willow" for you,
I mean it!
200
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,232
I get one Mother's Day
a year and I'm taking it.
201
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,502
This is what I get
for being nice to you
202
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,670
almost
the whole morning?
203
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,038
Okay! That's it!
No "Willow" for you ever!
204
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,674
You can't just
forbid me from "Willow"
205
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,341
for the rest of my life!
I just did.
206
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,210
Gah! I hate you!
207
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,279
(OMINOUS CHORD STRIKES)
208
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,848
I see.
209
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:57,718
Okay, then.
210
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,855
Go.
Enjoy your movie.
211
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,257
Thank you!
(SCOFFS)
212
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,060
**
213
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,829
These don't fit.
I need a refund.
214
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,032
ADULT ADAM: And so
I ditched my mom on
Mother's Day to see "Willow."
215
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,601
And when it was over...
216
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,268
I had seen "Willow."
217
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,037
ADAM: "Willow"!
DAVE: "Willow"!
218
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,438
And Val Kilmer!
219
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,608
Val Kilmer was totally
in the movie!
220
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,043
He was, wasn't he?
221
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,344
Wow.
222
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,514
Aw. Aw, man.
223
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,715
Everything okay?
224
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,282
I kind of went to the mat
on this "Willow" thing
225
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:30,684
with my mom.
How so?
226
00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:32,620
Well, she said,
"No 'Willow'."
227
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,756
And then I got very emotional,
cause, you know, "Willow."
228
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,090
So I said, "Yes 'Willow',"
229
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,259
and then she said,
"No 'Willow'," again,
230
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,961
and then
I said I hate her.
231
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,297
You told your mom
you hate her
on Mother's Day?
232
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,766
Mistakes were made,
Dave Kim!
233
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:46,900
But for "Willow"?
234
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,469
I didn't know "Willow"
was "Willow" at the time.
235
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,804
That's really
not cool, bro!
236
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:51,972
I know, Dave Kim!
237
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,774
You better make it up
to your mom, bro!
238
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,442
(SIGHS)
I know, Dave Kim.
239
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,044
But I blame "Willow."
240
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,979
I told you
not to touch my body.
241
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,214
Okay.
I can see you're mad,
242
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,051
but for the record, this whole
thing could have been avoided
243
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,554
if you just cried tears of joy
and twirled me.
244
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,121
Just get me
more ice, moron!
245
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,323
You heard him, Geoff.
I did.
246
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,793
Dude, why are you freaking out
just 'cause I got into Penn?
247
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,962
'Cause college is supposed
to be the place
248
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,130
where I finally break free
from your hateful shadow!
249
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,932
I mean it,
you're not going.
250
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,268
I got a letter
that says otherwise.
And a father.
251
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,770
Quiet, broken couch dad!
252
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,172
Dude, 6,000 kids
go to Penn.
253
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,340
Trust me, the last person
I'll be hanging with is you.
254
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,076
Stop talking
like you're going there!
255
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,278
You may get first choice
at everything else,
256
00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:32,913
but you will not
take my college!
257
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,749
Mark my words.
This will not stand.
258
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:38,786
This...will...
not...stand.
259
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,520
You know what else
won't stand, moron?
260
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,522
Me!
Where's my ice?!
261
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,792
GEOFF: I'm so sorry!
I couldn't find
a proper baggy!
262
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,159
Oh!
Ugh!
263
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,328
I knew that hug
was a mistake.
264
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,529
You can't take it back,
it already happened.
265
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:52,966
ADAM:
Happy Mother's Day.
266
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,034
What's this?
267
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,003
I know we had
a little dust-up earlier,
268
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,572
but I just want to move on
and cap off the day
269
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,808
with a little something
special for me Madre.
270
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,042
Appreciate that.
Thanks.
271
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,844
Well, happy
we cleared the air
272
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,545
and this whole thing
is done.
273
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:06,680
Oh, it's done,
all right.
274
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,015
What's that
supposed to mean?
275
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:12,185
My children have always
gone to extreme lengths
to avoid me.
276
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,855
Erica's been pretending
to cough for six weeks
277
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,957
and Barry spent $100
on groceries
278
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,225
just to get out
of today.
279
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:21,328
You know about that?
Of course.
280
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:25,498
But I didn't mind 'cause
my special baby
still loved me.
281
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:28,168
But then my baby said
"I hate you."
282
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,569
On Mother's Day.
283
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,639
I see this is gonna be
a whole thing.
284
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,974
Not a thing.
I'm done.
285
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,009
Come on,
I said I was sorry.
286
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,310
If you can't
just move on,
287
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,379
that's on you!
Be done!
288
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,815
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
289
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,083
(MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS)
290
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,753
For clarity's sake,
when you say "done,"
291
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,721
what exactly
does that mean?
292
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,389
It means I'm done.
293
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,024
Whatever! I don't care!
Be done!
294
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,694
(MUSIC RESUMES, SLOWS, STOPS)
295
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,562
It's just that
"done" can cover
296
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,799
such a wide spectrum
of changes to a relationship,
297
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,635
so if you could
just add some specifics.
Sure.
298
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,203
Specifically,
I'm done.
299
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,272
Done with what?
Being snuggly and nice?
300
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:06,774
Is that the threat?
301
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:09,877
'Cause lemme tell ya,
that'd be delightful!
302
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,511
(MUSIC RESUMES, SLOWS, STOPS)
303
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,681
I'm your child!
You can't be done with me!
304
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,548
And yet I am.
No way!
305
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,250
Not buying it!
You'll never be done!
306
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,919
'Cause you're obsessed
with me, lady!
307
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,754
(MUSIC RESUMES, SLOWS, STOPS)
308
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,923
Honestly, I don't
give a hoot you're done.
309
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,224
But-- (CHUCKLES)
310
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:25,893
Just for kicks,
tell me how to fix it.
311
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:28,095
You want to fix it?
Then go back in time
312
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,863
to when you were
the little squish
313
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,132
who was over the moon
to spend Mother's Day
with me.
314
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,868
And until then,
I'm done.
315
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,269
ADULT ADAM:
Despite the Mom rage,
316
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,471
we all know
there's no way
Beverly Goldberg
317
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:41,041
would ever be done
with her Schmoo. Ever.
318
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,342
Yep. Won't happen.
319
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,576
She's not coming back.
320
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:44,912
ADULT ADAM: Oh, balls.
321
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,982
Mother's Day was finally over,
and I was looking forward
322
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,918
to life
in a smother-free house.
323
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:53,286
Mornin', Sunshine.
Morning?
324
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,655
Looks like Mom's still mad
and didn't make breakfast.
325
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,057
But joke's on her
326
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,492
'cause we got
Nintendo Cereal System!
327
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,561
Kiddo? Aren't you supposed
to be at school?
328
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:02,763
Nah, it's only--
329
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:05,632
11:30?! Balls!
330
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,767
Nobody woke me up!
331
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,235
Well, don't you have
an alarm clock?
332
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,737
I don't need one
'cause Mom always --
333
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,904
Oh.
334
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,773
Balls. Balls! Balls!
335
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:13,841
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
336
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,409
Dude, you missed
our English lit presentation.
337
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,178
I overslept 'cause my mom
didn't wake me.
338
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,412
Don't you have
an alarm clock?
339
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,949
Why does everyone keep
harping on this clock thing?
340
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,784
You don't need one
when you have
a loving mother!
341
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,753
Who are you
looking at right now?
You!
342
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,487
No, you're looking at
the water fountain.
343
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,823
Aw, crap!
My mom also reminds me
344
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,191
to put on my glasses
before I leave
345
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,993
and now my lazy eye
is activated!
346
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,694
My God.
Out of all the days,
347
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,129
why wasn't your mom there
this morning?
348
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,965
'Cause she's done,
Dave Kim!
349
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,632
Done?
W-W-What does that mean?
350
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:42,502
I don't know,
but it's starting
to seem really bad.
351
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,871
Hey, babe.
Ugh.
352
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,205
It's still weird
that you two are a thing.
353
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:46,974
Hells yeah we are.
(CHUCKLES)
354
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,176
(SMOOCHING)
355
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,812
Um, your friend
is totally watching us.
356
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,146
No!
I turned my head.
357
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,714
My lazy eye
is still on you.
358
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,216
You're a freaky
little guy, huh?
359
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,285
I'm just gonna
walk away entirely.
360
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,888
ADULT ADAM:
As the reality of
my mom being done set in,
361
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,756
Barry was dead-set on proving
362
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,992
he should be the only Goldberg
to go to Penn.
363
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,460
No! It was time
for the tired baker man
364
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:08,796
to make the donuts.
365
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,530
I like him
'cause he's miserable like me.
366
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,934
I will not leave
until you hear
my airtight presentation
367
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,203
of why I should be the one
who goes to Penn.
368
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,404
Really, dude?
369
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,306
Geoffrey, wheel in
the presentation cart.
370
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:22,876
(FANFARE PLAYS,
WHEELS SQUEAKING)
371
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,211
Don't need
a presentation.
372
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,046
You both can go
to the damn college.
373
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,580
Just let the dumbass
do his thing
374
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:28,748
and then he'll go away.
375
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:30,818
This will only take
80 minutes of your time.
376
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:33,020
It includes
a speech, slideshow,
377
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,888
rap interlude, Q&A,
378
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,556
intermission
with kosher salami,
379
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,859
followed by an elegant
closing ceremony,
380
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,861
and surprise
T-shirt giveaway.
381
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,362
They're all
men's mediums.
382
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,531
Once I'm done,
our dad will be able to choose
383
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,566
without question
384
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,735
which one of us
should go to Penn.
385
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,070
Erica.
What?
386
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,705
I choose Erica.
But I didn't even start.
387
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,908
Moron, you got
into other schools.
388
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,509
The only choice
this girl has
389
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,678
is that couch
or that college.
390
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,680
So it's Erica.
Yeah, I don't
want to step in,
391
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,182
but I think
he chose Erica.
392
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,616
How did you
even get into Penn?
393
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,518
You flunked out
of stupid music college!
394
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:06,753
I told them
that after high school,
395
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,922
I took a long-ass
"music sabbatical."
396
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,623
They ate that up.
Dummies.
397
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,125
I feel good
about my choice.
398
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,794
Erica!
I chose Erica!
399
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,596
Erica, Erica, Erica.
400
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,098
You think
you've won, don't you?
401
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,100
I do.
'Cause I did.
402
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,734
'Cause he said Erica,
like, ten times.
403
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,204
Hear me now,
believe me later.
404
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,573
I'll do whatever
it takes to win.
405
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,608
I will not eat.
I will not sleep.
406
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,410
I mean,
I might do both,
407
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:31,644
'cause without them,
I'll die.
408
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,014
But you will not
go to Penn.
409
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,782
So no more presentation?
410
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,284
I stayed up all night
preparing slides
411
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,052
and getting ready
for the closing ceremony.
412
00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:41,621
Forget the scarf dance,
Geoff!
413
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,091
ADULT ADAM:
Even though Barry lost out
on his top college,
414
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,293
I was ready to admit that
I didn't want to lose my mom.
415
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,760
Hey, Pops.
Mom home?
416
00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:49,129
No, now that
the rain stopped,
417
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,364
she went to Gimbels
to return the umbrella.
418
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:52,732
She leave
any messages for me?
419
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:55,002
Yeah, she did.
I wrote it down.
420
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:01,641
"I'm done."
421
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,143
Unbelievable!
422
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,946
She really is done and
it's taking its toll on me!
423
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,248
Kiddo, just tell her
you're sorry.
424
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,350
I tried,
but nothing works.
425
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,719
This morning, I asked her
if she wanted to take
a bite of my neck meat,
426
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,054
and you know
what she said?
427
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,189
"Nah, man."
She called me "man," man!
428
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,624
That is bad.
429
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,326
There's gotta be
some way to fix this.
430
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,928
Yeah, she said
to go back in time
431
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,262
and be
the sweet little boy
432
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,663
that loved her
more than anything.
433
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,332
ADULT ADAM:
And then it hit me.
434
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,968
Sears...Photo...Session.
435
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,403
Wait! That's it!
I know exactly what to do!
436
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,240
Boom!
(LAUGHS)
437
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:36,043
Hey, kid, I... I don't think
this is the answer.
438
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:38,678
I've never been more confident
of anything in my whole life.
439
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,213
You really
shouldn't be.
440
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,049
All right,
let's get to work...
441
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,516
Uh, whoa!
442
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,053
You don't happen to have
an oversized lollipop, do you?
443
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,320
Yeah, I can't
take this photo.
444
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:48,521
Just take the photo.
445
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,789
Just shoot it,
dude!
446
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,591
Look, I don't know why
an old man wants this photo,
447
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,360
but I'm thinking I shouldn't
be a part of it.
448
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,995
It's not for me!
449
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,896
Trust me, there's nothing
weird about it.
450
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,966
It's for my mom.
Not helping!
451
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,768
ADULT ADAM: While I was
trying to re-create
my mom's favorite photo,
452
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,103
Barry was trying to destroy
453
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,372
Erica's college
orientation event.
454
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,340
And those are just some
of the wonderful aspects
455
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,875
of campus life.
456
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,377
Let's open this up
for questions. Yes.
457
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,212
When do people
declare a major?
458
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,347
Query! Let's say
a certain applicant
459
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:17,350
lied to admissions about
flunking out of music college.
460
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,885
Would Penn
wanna know about it?
461
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,820
That's an extremely
specific question,
462
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,422
but I guess
we'd look into it.
463
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,923
Now, about
declaring a major...
464
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:26,393
Would it also be concerning
if another applicant
465
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,695
was so selfish
that he'd jeopardize
his sister's future,
466
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,430
and also once
he pooped on the bus?
467
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,099
Another very specific
question.
468
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,800
I think I misheard you.
What happened on the bus?
469
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,668
I can speak
to that hypothetical
470
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,537
and assure you
that only happened
471
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,872
'cause the facilities
at Colonial Williamsburg
472
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,274
were inadequate.
473
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,443
Would the school
also reconsider an applicant
474
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:44,944
because he challenged
a horse to a fight
475
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,646
on more
than one occasion?
476
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,749
Or is that the kind
of passionate individual
477
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,218
Penn is looking for?
478
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:52,652
No. Definitely not.
479
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,787
Should the university
be aware
480
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,290
that a certain student
once sling-shotted
481
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,559
her training bra
at Donnie Wahlberg
482
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:00,893
at a New Kids concert?
483
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:02,695
Should the university
also be aware
484
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,564
that another certain student
practiced kissing
485
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,099
on a Miss Piggy puppet?
486
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:09,769
Hey! The university
must know the facts!
487
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,605
You accepted
an incoming freshman
488
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,641
who was busted
in kindergarten
489
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,043
for eating paste.
490
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,144
How dare you?!
491
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,545
And it had
glitter in it.
492
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:22,315
Regardless,
you accepted a student
who will ruin my life!
493
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,251
Okay. Um, I'm thinking
this, uh, Q&A
494
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,685
got a tad off topic.
495
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,587
I'm not
ruining your life!
496
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,822
I'm just trying
to turn mine around!
497
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,758
You think it sucks
being the middle child?
498
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,326
Well, try being
the oldest!
499
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,727
My whole life,
500
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:37,430
Mom and Dad have held me up
to some unrealistic standard
501
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:39,466
that I will never
live up to!
502
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,102
So, instead of hating me
for always being second,
503
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,836
how about you thank me,
504
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,005
because I would give anything
to be in your shoes!
505
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,508
Penn's all yours.
506
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,177
But just
so you know,
507
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,912
I was excited to go
to college with you.
508
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,781
I thought
it'd be fun.
509
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,349
**
510
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,752
ADULT ADAM:
After Mother's Day,
my mom was done.
511
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:00,987
And I had the way
to undo it.
512
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,655
Beverly.
A moment of your time?
513
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,258
Okay.
According to you,
514
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,494
there's one way
to undo you being done,
515
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,862
which is to go back
to being the little boy
516
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,464
who loved you
so much.
517
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,633
I think we both know
that's not possible, Adam.
518
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,034
Or is it?
519
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,203
(GASPS)
520
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,505
What the (BLEEP)
is that, man?!
521
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,440
You wanted me to go back
in the time machine?
522
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,075
Well, I did it!
I'm back, baby!
523
00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:24,177
Oh, my God, look at you!
524
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,845
Why would you
do this?
525
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,181
I... I thought
you wanted me to!
526
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:29,649
Sweet Lord in heaven,
527
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,718
you look like
a cursed doll!
528
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,686
This gesture was supposed
to show you that I love you!
529
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,589
Adam. If you ever go to prison
for something terrible,
530
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,391
this is the picture
they'll show,
531
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,892
and people will look at it
and say,
532
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,694
like, "Oh, yeah,
I get it." (CHUCKLES)
533
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,297
You're seriously not gonna
accept this creepy photo
534
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,399
as proof
that I love you?
No.
535
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:50,237
See, this Adam used
to give me snuggles and hugs
536
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:51,871
and say,
"I love you, Mama."
537
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:55,074
And this Adam tells me
he hates me,
538
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,076
and quite honestly?
I believe him.
539
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,711
Fine!
Believe whatever you want!
540
00:17:58,745 --> 00:17:59,946
Gah! I hate you!
541
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:01,181
And there it is.
542
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,583
Yes, I hate you,
but also?
543
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,718
I love you!
So much!
544
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,355
But I also hate you,
and at the same time,
545
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,357
I love you,
but I hate you!
546
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,958
It can't be both, Adam.
But it can!
547
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,893
I hate that you're a nudge
that expects me
548
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,095
to dry off with a towel
that has your face on it!
549
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,564
(HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS'
"IF THIS IS IT" PLAYS)
550
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,065
But I love that you blindly
support everything that I do!
551
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:23,603
So, yes, I hate you,
and I love you.
552
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,438
Maybe you're done
being my mom,
553
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,507
but I will never be done
being your son.
554
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:30,042
* And tell me
that you need me *
555
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:32,412
* Girl don't cry *
That is the sweetest thing
you've ever said to me.
556
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,214
* And tell me
nothing's wrong *
Really?
557
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,448
Of course.
558
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,016
* I'll be all right *
And let's be honest.
559
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,685
I couldn't be done
even if I wanted to.
560
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,052
* One way or another
561
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,121
* So, let me go *
562
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,456
* Or make me want to stay *
563
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:44,891
* If this is it *
564
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,593
* Ooh, wop *
565
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,428
* Please let me know *
566
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,962
* Ooh, whoa *
567
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,731
* If this ain't love *
Hey.
568
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:52,932
* You better let me go *
Go away.
569
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,100
No.
570
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,302
* If this is it *
(SIGHS)
571
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,803
We got to talk about college.
572
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,538
* I wanna know, oh, oh *
Why?
573
00:18:58,571 --> 00:18:59,972
You got what you wanted.
574
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,974
* If this ain't love, baby *
You're going to Penn
on your own.
575
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,576
* Just say so *
You're no longer
the middle child.
576
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,044
Did you mean
what you said?
577
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,113
You really wanna
go to college with me?
578
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,715
Yes.
579
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:12,485
I went on my own
and completely screwed up.
580
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,821
Honestly, it seemed
way less scary
581
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,623
when I thought
you'd be there, too.
582
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,491
I always thought it was easy
being the oldest,
583
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,660
but I get it now.
584
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,128
You have to do
everything first
585
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,096
and pave the way
for the rest of us.
586
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:26,966
That I do.
Doesn't matter anymore.
587
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,936
'Cause Penn's about to get
a double dose
of the Goldbergs.
588
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:31,070
You mean it?
589
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:32,905
See you around campus?
590
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,073
* If this is it *
591
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,442
Not if I see you
first.
592
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,678
I might just be
the happiest I've ever been.
593
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:42,449
I've got two kids
going to college.
594
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,351
Who wants a hug
and a twirl?
595
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,718
(GASPS)
All you.
596
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,854
* Please let me know *
597
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,589
(CHUCKLES)
We'll twirl later.
598
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:52,792
ADULT ADAM: That night,
my brother realized
that being in the middle
599
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,927
meant being surrounded
by people who love you.
600
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,764
* Please let me know *
Nothing felt better.
601
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,599
This one may just be
my favorite.
602
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,501
(CHUCKLES) Even though
you said you hated me
603
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,869
on Mother's Day
and made me cry.
604
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,272
I'm gonna hear about this for
the rest of my life, aren't I?
605
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,840
I'm sure I'll forget
in about 30 years.
606
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:09,976
* Ooh, ooh *
607
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,678
* Just say so *
608
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,212
* If this is it *
609
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,415
**
610
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:18,551
Hello, everyone.
We're here with
611
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,720
the one, the only
Beverly Goldberg.
612
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:21,988
Is it true?
613
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,956
Did Adam really say
"I hate you" on Mother's Day?
614
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,825
Those were
his exact words.
615
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,327
"I hate you, Mom."
616
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,195
And it was
particularly hurtful
617
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,097
because Adam
was my youngest,
618
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,199
and he used to hang out
with me all the time.
619
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,536
I was devastated and cried
when he said those words.
620
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,671
Have you ever been "done"
with your kids?
621
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,373
Yes,
for about two hours.
622
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:43,075
No matter
what they do in life,
they're mine for life.
623
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,011
If you had to take a break
from one of your sons,
624
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,679
which one of them
would you be done with?
625
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:48,180
I thought
you were gonna ask me
626
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:49,416
who would take
a break from me.
627
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,183
(BOTH LAUGH)
628
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,987
You know, I've been thinking
a lot about "Willow,"
629
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,523
and I gotta say,
the movie stayed with me.
630
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:58,858
Me too, bro!
I mean, Val Kilmer!
631
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,059
Val Kilmer!
632
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,329
That dude is awesome
in everything he does.
633
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:05,197
"Top Secret," "Real Genius,"
"Lost Boys."
634
00:21:05,231 --> 00:21:07,033
Val Kilmer
isn't in "Lost Boys."
635
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,200
Of course he is.
636
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:10,102
He's the vampire
with the face and the fangs.
637
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:13,506
I will bet you 20 large that
you are dead wrong, Dave Kim.
638
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,174
You are so on!
639
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:17,510
We'll just go to the public
library, scan the microfiche,
640
00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:19,946
and pore over
every People magazine on file.
641
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:23,049
After hours of researching
and cross-referencing, boom!
642
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:24,517
We will have
our answer!
643
00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:26,453
Dude. Our modern world
is awesome.
46912
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